 Well today we have a video here from mom on the spectrum and it is the late diagnosed autistic adult bingo I'm not a late diagnosed autistic adult bingo myself I'm sort of middling diagnosed diagnosed when I was around 10 but I'm sure that a lot of these things I will be able to relate on these are 25 common autistic experiences and we're gonna have a look at these see if any of it rings true and yeah from mom on the spectrum love it it's great hi I'm Taylor with mom on the spectrum and today I've got a fun little bingo card for late diagnosed autistic adults you can get your own copy through a link in the description if you want to print one out for yourself this is just for fun it's not a diagnostic tool I'm not a diagnostician I'm not a psychologist I'm a late diagnosed autistic mom of two and I'm here to share resources and information to help other autistic adults like me if that sounds helpful can we just can we just marvel at just like the amazing jaw line that Taylor has like I don't think I've seen a stronger jaw line in all of my time on the internet it's got a real real real quality feature that now that we're on the topic of faces hello Julie nice to see you helpful to you please consider subscribing to the channel and giving this video a thumbs up and if you want to keep track of how many you relate to as we go through the bingo card I'd love to hear your score in the comments whatever that means so just to be clear even if you cross off every single thing on this bingo card it does not necessarily mean that you are on the spectrum I just have the privilege of getting to work with the autistic community every day I teach classes I hold webinars and I'm constantly learning from others in the community from my own experiences as well and I've just compiled this fun little bingo card so that we can connect with each other about things that we might have experienced together so first up people pleasing tendencies hello not me I'm not a people pleaser I'm very trait just I'm very disagreeable very low in agreeableness I don't tend to try to please people very much that sounds awful doesn't it I don't mean it like that that's not it there's not a not a tick for me oh my god that did not come across in the best way absolutely I think that this can kind of go hand-in-hand with masking somebody told me before that they feel like an antenna whenever they walk in the room like they immediately pick up on other people's emotions and the energy of the room and I think because we're we're used to generally speaking getting in tune with other people and what they're wanting from us hints the masking and all of that I think that we've become pretty good at people pleasing and putting ourselves on the back burner second no well I definitely agree agree of that I think that's kind of like some some of the cornerstones of masking I think when it whenever I've masked it's been in my experience it's been as like a sort of like a tool you know particularly during times of confrontation when it came came to like making friends and dating and things like that but I've never been much of a people pleaser although when I am like when I what when I'm very very close to somebody I am but to random people to strangers not really I think it used to be used to be a lot more like that I've kind of shifting away trying to sort of perhaps a bit be a bit more selfish it sounds awful but try and try and think of myself a bit more when it comes to interpersonal relationships but I can see why that's that might be quite common for some people I'm a people pleaser until I'm not yes I relate to that Paula you have to manage everyone's emotions before they can begin to listen to us I was for he says I was a people pleaser once took me ages to get out of that toxic behavior I find it I find people pleasing to be authentic yes yes I don't I don't know if any of you have have this experience but I've never really come across somebody or had an interaction with somebody and not been and being like incorrect about what that person is like it doesn't tend to happen to me a lot I know it's kind of a kind of a real question that but I'd be interested to hear if you guys have the same experience but when it comes to people who are like people pleasing I can tell like I can tell like sometimes I try and take it genuinely and it face value because that's just like how I like to conduct myself but I can definitely tell sometimes but most I'd say pretty much all of the time I can tell very very very very very controversial statement maybe always okay most of the time and change it up second one we're gonna go straight across routines are sacred that's kind of part of the autistic experience we like our routines please don't mess with them but if your audio HD you have ADHD too that's where things get interesting because then routines are not so fun third thing I was trouble getting into bed transitions can be especially difficult for people on the spectrum and I've heard time and time again that so many of us just get stuck like on the couch before bed because that transition going from the end of the day to the night it's just really hard for me it doesn't tend to be as much related to the evening because I really like like I really like being in my safe space my bed the transition I find the hardest is the mornings that tends to be the worst thing for me getting out of bed whole issue it's really bad can you read us now not from not from like messages you know it's more like when I meet people you know I have a happy way of seeing others so I don't pick up on pick up if there are red flags don't if you're if you've been bullied either interesting fourth secret stems so stemming is any repeated physical movement that we have that helps us move energy that gets kind of stuck in our body when our nervous system gets dysregulated secret stems can be things that we do discreetly so that it doesn't like upset other people so it could be picking out our skin our hair our nails a lot of people tell me they scrunch their toes in their shoe because nobody can see that next one is knowing more about others than yourself this can be again kind of due to our people pleasing tendencies we might know what other people want and need before we know what we want or need second row listening to I I think I would I would agree of that one but I think the reason for it is not because I'm sort of externally focused towards other people I do trend tend to want to know a lot about people just because I like to know who someone is you know but I think it's more of a question about actually knowing what I want and knowing how I feel like the whole Alexa find me a thing it can take me a long time to like really process things and understand myself but I think that's more of a thing related to me and less about like the focus that I have myself you know a text considered stemming no I kind of comes under similar a similar umbrella I guess but I don't think they are considered stimming like ticks don't tend to for me be relaxing it tends to happen when I'm not doing well doesn't doesn't tend to help the situation you know I agree but to the Alexa find me being a reason cheek biting skin picking I understand that I do have a stem I have a stem toy which I really love and you need to know about it where is it this little beauty which is covered in hex is falling on my floor is an ackee pressure ring my god these things are absolutely having the like the best like proprioceptive inputs basically what you do is you just like it's it's kind of metal and it's quite a strong sort of sensation but they basically like give your fingers a massage they're so good they're like my favorite favorite sort of anxiety reducing thing there's not a lot of things that that sort of helped me when it comes to like stimming and anxiety reduction but ackee pressure rings 100% they're not the most reliable of things but you do tend to get them in bulk particular on Amazon if you do want to check those out I do have an Amazon storefront which do just have ackee pressure rings on they're pretty cheap you get them in like packs of 30 they've got all sorts of different colors but they're grand really a budget stim toy same to the same song over and over I'm not gonna say too much about that other than if that's you let me know in the comments which song it is for you for me it's September by earth wind and fire second one on the second row stomach issues unfortunately this is mine's mine's a little bit more explicit it tends to be very very aggressive songs they say we're not they were not distribute very very common gastrointestinal issues dietary allergies it's not fun but it's part of many of our experiences kind of related sticking to safe foods so if you're on the spectrum you probably have some foods that have like safe textures that always or almost always feel good to eat me it's french fries like sometimes I have a hard time eating sweets french fries french fries chips they're called chips so good sometimes sometimes places like fast food places do them really well sometimes they don't sometimes I like really soggy but sometimes and this is the time that I live for getting a pack of chips and they're just being cooked to absolute affection it's beautiful love it I think most of the reasons to why like I have safe foods is less about not liking the food and just more about the combination of textures and flavours like sometimes I just want something to be one texture and one flavour and that will actually most of the time and that's why I tend to like throughout the day I will basically just have like protein shakes sometimes I'll have some like lean beef jerky sometimes I'll have like a lot of the time I'll have fruits yogurts most of most of my eating during the day tends to come in in that flavour it's only in the evening like pretty much like once a day that I can handle like a fully sort of decked out meal you know because a lot of the times these meals they tend to come with a lot of different textures and a lot of different flavours and sometimes they're mixed up into one like for me my perfect meal is steak and chips why because the steak is separate from the chips I eat the steak it tastes like a steak it has that texture of a steak and it's nice and then I have the chips and there's a good and they're just plain and then bland and the great have a few veggies on the side golden mix them all together in some kind of like steak pasta thing no way even if it's just like the same things you know oh my god it's annoying though because like a lot of dishes which don't take a lot of time to prepare you can it's like like stir fries doesn't take you that much time to prepare it but it's mixed it's got loads of different flavours and sauces and textures and very overwhelming can only handle at least once a day are you going Jackie are you leaving you're leaving us yes for me it's Macintosh apples I love like a really gigantic juicy apple you know I don't mean that in a euphemism type way vision shapes from weather spins how did you know I'm Tony I'm Tony oh you see you you've got a window I think Jackie Antonio has has sequestered some of your third eye lamb is nice yeah just not anything that's like too dry I do find that chicken is often too dry for me especially chicken breast I'm more of it I'm a leg guy I like my fire guy you know I love the fires things with different textures kind of maybe related to our fit I have another video over avoidant restrictive food intake disorder if you're interested in learning more about that but my safe foods are french fries and this protein bar that I've eaten like a million out because it always tastes good to me next one is triggered by light touch for whatever reason so many of us on the spectrum get very easily upset if someone lightly touches us in any way I need firm deep pressure or else last one on the second hmm I don't know I'm definitely more sensitive to light touch but sometimes that can be nice I like that sometimes not when I'm over stimulated or not when it's from when it's like unwarranted but it does it does it is nice like I am scared you know like when people like listen to ASMR they get this this experience of frizzens you know when they get this kind of tingly feeling that kind of sort of starts from the place of contact and sort of tingles throughout your body I love that and the only way that I can really get that is through light touch or one of those those head massages one of those ones basically for me head massages are like disposable things because I just ravaged those head head massages soon to get my hands on one I'm like constantly for other day it's just the best feeling ever I love it but deep pressure tends to be more relaxing you know I need I need that deep pressure because it's it's quite relaxing for me particularly as a stim you know massages my god there is nothing that reduces my anxiety as much as having like a deep tissue massage I'll be I'll be golden for like two days like in bliss Bernie I could I could afford such a such a thing like chose depending on the situation can be good especially in a fun time yeah yeah I agree with you really depends on the situation and who who it is you know I like Farragun yes yes I do have I do have one of those maybe I'll add that to my Amazon store storefront thing because that can be really really helpful for me especially when I'm melting down or very overstimulated or anxious 100% second row needing extra time to process what someone just said delayed processing is a very common experience for people in the spectrum someone told me that their first response is usually a script like a scripted response that has become familiar and safe to them I need space by myself to process especially a bigger idea or something important that someone just said outside of a social situation where I can just be by myself process the information and then come back to the conversation third row I can't hear you the lights are too bright if you understand what that means X next one making a list and immediately hating it this is more related to the audio HD autistic and ADHD combination that I mentioned earlier I make a list and I'm so proud of it and it's beautiful and if I follow the list all my problems would be solved but then as soon as I make the list I hate it and I don't want to do anything on it could be related to demand avoidance if you're interested I'm not doing very well in the middle of research mode this is the one that's basically like the free space because I feel like everyone on the spectrum knows what research mode is we just like to learn a lot of times I like learning about random stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with my life I'll just get fixated on the idea that like I need to understand how Bluetooth works or how to say something in a different language that I don't speak it like I just get fixated on these ideas and these things that I want to research like what's behind walls and what are the steps for making a house I don't know is very interesting to me so all of these random what is behind walls I think it really depends what's the what's on the other side of the wall sorry that was very sarcastic yeah I get I get that a fair bit usually it tends to be around my special interest though and it really experience the outside of my special interests unless it's something like science related I want to understand from like a scientific psychological lens I'll do that for sure most of the time my researching tends to be either RuneScape or gym stuff I'll just put on RuneScape tutorials even if I know like what what the actual tutorial is and I know everything about that that said topic I'd just like to hear it again I don't know why it's like I could be watching something that's like entertaining or a TV show and like no I gotta watch a tutorial on how to get the most experience from the agility training method and it lists so bad and I don't really use lists but I do like to schedule I do like to like plan out my month you know week by week people I like them stupid when I don't respond right away yeah I'm actually gonna be producing a short at some point around that this is kind of idea of thin slice judgments and I think processing time can definitely be one of the ways that people can misinterpret who we are and what we're like you know light touch is not good she's pretty much just surprising me so far scary yes I hate it when people talk too fast cut brokers press it that quickly hmm do I talk too fast I've actually been trying to speed up this the pace at which I speak like I think I'm doing pretty well at doing it but I don't know if you go back at some of my my older videos I do tend to be a lot more especially podcasts I tend to be very very very slow but I think maybe that's just a skill that I've kind of got I think that we're talking about sort of common scripted phrases that you use situations like that I think for me that's like phrases like yeah man yeah something like that I might do that hmm or you's like yeah maybe hmm looking off to the side like processing it looking away and that's that tends to be why I do I don't know if you could consider that that part of it you don't talk fast at all I can talk fast I don't really talk fast too okay I don't know I think now now this is this is talking fast for me I'm not I'm not a fast talker I'm a very very slow talker this is this is like the the highest speed that I'm able to speak at really considerable considerably I like your slower pace yes I have once to one of blocks when planning out my year yeah maybe um yeah I'm trying to remove those what would you say the filler words I'm trying to remove filler words from my vocabulary it's very very difficult to I've watched some some videos about being a more sort of charismatic speaker they do suggest sort of removing filler words but it's quite difficult actually because you you know you've got to be on top of it and it's a very limp behavior you know random things that we just all of a sudden need to research and might become an expert on the next one is sitting in your car for longer than you intended to this again is kind of related to transitions transitions can be difficult for us on the spectrum and a lot of us spend a lot of time in our car trying to figure out how to get to the next thing the next one is that headphones make things better so if you have a safe pair of headphones that you like putting on when you put them on you feel like you're in your own little world in your own cocoon X that one next row sensitive to time man I don't know how I'd survive in this world without my noise cancelling earbuds if you are looking for some okay I feel really shady like suggesting like my Amazon store for and stuff but like I've put a lot of time in trying trying to like fill it with stuff that I use on the daily but the Sony WXM 5000s whatever called my god they're amazing some people I know don't like having headphones on I think before I used to use having JBL live headphones I don't have that on my storefront but those can those can be really really really good you want to try and find ones which are active noise cancelling because that kind of reduces reduces background noise but also allows you to have voices and stuff like that you know who shady Amazon smiley emoji you have to put that one on maybe but check out your Amazon store it's pretty cool I've decked it out with stuff you the echo presser rings are on there too if you're looking to go to the gym also there's some good stuff on that caffeine alcohol and or medication yes so for me I have to drink decaf coffee because if I have regular coffee I'm gonna be so why no I'm the opposite I'm the opposite of that I'm under sensitive to medication well to be honest when it comes to antidepressants you could argue that maybe I'm more sensitive because my anxiety tends to get pretty I tend to get pretty wired when I'm just on my antidepressants which is why I take like another medication which helps with the anxiety yeah I mean but with caffeine alcohol not a problem I can drink like a horse I need to be able to steam with my hair as well yeah I can't do that really I suppose you could maybe this is a stim is that a stim flicking my hair to the side alcohol one and a half beer and drunk I'm very envious of you I wish I was that it saves so much money and going on ventures into the the nightlife of Britain a wired that I'm uncomfortable even if it's like half a cup of caffeine alcohol I'm lightweight I can tolerate hardly anything and then medication there are more studies coming out that are showing that autistic people can have paradoxical reactions to medications yeah just food for thought now that's that's been out there for a while I don't know how all this video is nine months ago yeah 100% 100% I think I think particularly they were looking at so the impacts of benzodiazepine so GABA I think GABA a agonists GABA is like the inhibitory source of neurotransmitter in your brain so when you take benzodiazepines like valium you might know as valium you might know it as like diazepam when you take those it activates your GABA receptors but for some autistic people it can actually cause you more anxiety which is a bit crazy beautiful Thomas hair shampoo commercial sponsored by Amazon storefront I'm trying to get sponsored by sneak by the way I sent in my my well not sponsored I've sent in my my application to be an affiliate so maybe we might have some sneak adverts at some point which I'm quite excited about to be honest because I love that stuff it's beautiful next one is feeling what others are feeling this is related to the antenna thing that I was talking about earlier and this is a like a misconception about people on the spectrum that were not empathetic many people on the spectrum are highly empathetic even empathic and oftentimes we take on the feelings of others this happened to me I was leading a class on dating and relationships the other day and as soon as I started the session I felt this overwhelming wave of grief that was coming at me like collectively from everyone I could feel everyone's grief and it was so overwhelming that I had tears in my eyes please tell me I'm not alone in my ability to do this next one is wanting to be alone but feeling lonely no explanation necessary next one is needing to know why for everything very closely related to yeah and someone asked you to do something why don't ask me why just do it pda kicks in tell me what to do my god um I think I just I feel you know perhaps gonna go a bit deeper but are we all lonely we're all in our own heads you know no one can really understand and slip into our brains to experience life from our perspective we are not all alone in a fit in a way hmm let's ponder let's meditate on that on that question for a second it's kind of nice it's kind of good to know you know somewhat I immediately feel like someone tries to control me when they asked me to do something yeah pda that's deep stream isolation since childhood I'm sorry to hear that Neregiza I'm sorry to hear that I think my feelings of loneliness and isolation have been like alleviated a fair bit by being a part of the autistic community there's just some there's something different about like people just just kind of getting you and your experiences something like a very deep level that just is very very difficult for neurotypicals to do it's not say that they can't I've met some people who can but yeah I think to be honest my feelings of loneliness generally is generally a side effect of you know having clinical depression for over 14 years and it kind of does that to people you know but no I can understand that it's like you want to have interaction with people but you don't necessarily have the social battery the energy to interact with people it's a difficult one for sure this is particularly important to understand in kids and kids going through the education system at a young age tell them why help them understand why it makes everything better next one is wishing other people asked good questions to you get what I'm saying about this right as an autistic person and maybe related to needing to know why I ask a lot of questions and I feel like I asked pretty darn good questions and I don't feel like it's often reciprocated back to me like I feel like non-autistic allistic people do you know how to ask questions sorry that's a bit judgy but next comfy clothes always yes sweatshirts sweatpants hair and a ponytail preferred mode next one is easily upset by injustice this is like so much more than just everyone being upset by injustice right nobody likes injustice but if there's any type of injustice happening in our current situation we can't focus on anything else no I'm definitely the type of person to like step into something step into like a fight or a confrontation if I believe that's there is some injustice being done even if it's nothing to do with me and I'd probably be better staying out of it I just can't help myself you know it's probably not a good thing for me but I just you know if I see like some being treated badly for some various reason I just can't stop myself from trying to help out I have actually when I've when I've been my ventures at university into the night clubs I have actually stepped in between two guys fighting like twice I think when I when I saw it I it's just like a gut reaction I think you know the mallet propices have to go like you like you all a lot Thomas it's been real thank you for doing this hope you're resilient and happy really soon well thank you for joining us my friend it's good to have you on here have a good one yes prudence I just got diagnosed at 1920 just before DSM 5 interesting I go into a real bad place because of littering I'm not caring about wildlife mmm yeah yeah you want to protect people because we know it's like no way to be having just just been put up put against us you know by other people in society until the injustice is addressed which obviously makes the world a very difficult place to live in right now next one on the bottom row why isn't everyone as blunt as me wouldn't that be so great if everybody would just say exactly what they were thinking I think that would be great I think that being clear is being kind and I wish that other people would just be freaking blunt just tell me what you're thinking I can handle it I promise next one not wanting to appropriate the term autistic what does that mean it means that a lot of autistic people especially adults who have not yet been diagnosed they feel bad for using the term autistic because they don't want to take it away from other people who need it yes that's such a big one I felt like that impacts like so many a lot of people I've talked to even people like very close to me within my own sort of family circle you know they don't they just don't want to explore the idea of them being autistic they just don't want to take the voice away from other people or appropriate the term or like you know they kind of see other people particularly myself talking about the difficulties that I have due to being autistic but they don't recognize those difficulties within themselves they don't see it as sort of how do you say they don't say it as impactful you know because they're so used to being how they are and they can't see themselves being autistic because they have an idea of what autism looks like and the struggles autistic people face and they don't see that in themselves you know it's really difficult to get people out of that headspace but I think it's a bad headspace to be in because if you think you're autistic and you're pretty you're pretty sure about it and you're kind of engaging with the community and a lot of the advice that autistic people are giving and the experiences that they're sharing are really really relatable and helpful just continue doing that you know even if you're not autistic it doesn't really matter if you're finding some use from autistic people and you feel like you relate to them like I can understand one like the whole idea of you know calling yourself autistic I think that's like definitely be something to work through on the long term but don't feel don't feel bad about like relating basically on difficulties in life or thinking that thinking that you can't be autistic because you don't suffer enough in life or you don't have these particular difficulties because we're all different we all have different profiles we all have different traits we all have different difficulties in life and it's not always just it's not even always related to autism you know just saying no and welcome back Thomas hello Marianne how you doing nice to see you Isabella says I was very good at masking for a long time but I noticed I can't filter myself as good anymore so I just say what I mean I think that's great say what you mean be direct go for it some people will not like it most people will not like it but some people though they'll appreciate it you know it's nice just to be able to like ask one a question and not have to think if they're altering it for your own benefit in some way or for their benefit you know I think there's a beauty in that kind of helps you to to know be of a person better to feel more connected when you can ask them a question and you can receive a direct response that's truthful as a whole subreddit mad about self-diagnose autistic I am very very well aware of that and I've done many dives into videos related to that that kind of that culture it's a tough one it's not not to be discussed in this video but you know maybe again I love being autistic even if my BDD is associated so I can't give up the joy I get from research and connecting the dots yes what do they call it lateral thinking love the lateral thinking such a good like autistic trait amazing let me tell you you're not appropriating it by using it if it helps you have more self-compassion for your own tendencies and patterns you're not being selfish you're not hurting other people nope this is a common concern that I hear a lot from the autistic community is I don't want to use the term and take it away from somebody else do you think do you think that is related to the to the reactionary response that that people have got online so I think they maybe could be related to that in a sense I'm not sure I'm addicted to you know my people now yeah what was Odette saying discovering I'm autistic and relating so relating so others has been such a weird feeling I've never actually related to anyone else like this before it doesn't feel real but has given me some hope oh that is that is awesome I'm so happy for you honestly what does lateral thinking mean it's being able to tie in and connect the dots between two sort of seemingly separate concepts you know it's quite a useful thing actually especially when trying to explain different aspects of the autistic experience I would say oh the box timing you out again I think it times you out again no Jackie you're not having a good time of it try not to do caps Jackie if you do caps too many caps it doesn't like that I don't think I'll try and turn it off it's getting a bit annoying but it's more of a as ever preventative measure to stop trolls I would say invalidation can be difficult for people 100% I especially worry about parents of autistic children receiving myself diagnosed as disrespectful yes yes because they do they do see it that way and that's an issue it's not good it's not good I mean if you haven't watched that video about a trans people appropriating autism you need to watch that one because that just illustrates the issue the point of contention that is just definitely like a real big issue for autistic creators and people you're not if there are words you can use to better describe your experiences and help you support yourself nurture yourself give yourself more compassion show up more fully in the world please do it and the last one planning things perfectly and being unable to execute so for people on the spectrum our executive functioning can often be impacted and we might have the best intentions we might be able to plan on every nitty gritty little detail and focus in on all of the inner workings of things that need to happen in order for something to be executed flawlessly but then when it actually comes time to transition into doing that thing that we've planned out perfectly a breakdown can happen let me hear from you in the comments how many of these did you check off for me I'm pretty sure it was every single one and I want to mention because we talked about headphones here if you haven't been able to find headphones or earbuds that you like that make things better and not worse you can try out flair this is my absolute favorite brand they don't fully close off at the base of it so that sound still gets through it doesn't block out sounds it doesn't make things muffled I've tried so many earbuds where it just blocks stuff out and it I can hear myself chewing I can hear myself talking I don't like it these earbuds by flair particularly their calmer earbuds I use them all the time and interesting I think for me debuts have been probably the best ones for me and they have like this little flick like switch that you can do on the side I do I do have an affiliate link for them but that's just because I find them really useful they're not electronic so you don't have to charge them there's just like a little switch on the side that can like increase or decrease like the volume that's that's entering your ears