 Hello, my beautiful internet friends and welcome back. I have a treat for you guys today So one of my favorite youtubers is talking with us today I have a collaboration her name is Brenda and she runs the channel called God is Gray now You may be thinking Joe don't you have some issues with the Christian church? God is gray is that really the channel you're listening to and the answer is absolutely yes A lot of people recommended that I check her out and I did and I really liked a lot of what she had to say And how she presents it so She actually reached out to me because people told her to do that and I reached out to her And so we like met in the middle it was perfect timing and we arranged this video So I actually went up on her channel as well hop over to link in the description and check that out But we're gonna talk today about The big questions with God like you know why why do bad things happen to good people good people in her opinion? Is questioning God okay? You know the big like why me which I think so many people ask whether or not you're dealing with any kind of illness Pain losing your leg anything like that I think we've all kind of thought about shaking her hand at the sky and asking why God and That's another question that she answered a little bit about her story and how she's gotten to where she is And I think her answers are really insightful and really not something that you hear every day I appreciate her perspective on all of this and I wanted to share it with you guys So let's go ahead and dive in today. I have a super special guest with me I'm really excited to introduce you to Brenda from God is Gray I found her channel actually before I started Footless Joe I've been following her for quite a while just when I was doing trauma talk She runs a religiously based channel, but she talks about things in a way I I really really appreciate really respect and can receive and so I wanted to Bring her on today to talk to you guys about a subject that not a lot of you guys have expressed to me that you Struggle with and I definitely have as well and that is kind of the overarching question of why so Brenda Thank you so much for being here with us today Thank you for having me Watching I think one of the most cliche questions probably in all of religion and Christianity is this idea of Why and I think this applies whether or not you're you're Christian or you know some other religion But we we often experience terrible things in life whether that's trauma or grief or some health issue and we think like Why me or like why why is this bad thing happening like what did I do to deserve this? And I think the question that often comes down to is why do bad things happen to not horrible people and I feel terrible asking you like a super cliche question, but I'm curious what your response to that is I Mean first of all, I don't think it's stupid Maybe it's cliche, but it's definitely not me. No first of all fyi. I'm not a theologian I'm not like out here to say that I have the answers to everything, but I am very happy to share My perspective as a Christian person I've been Christians since I was a child, but I've been more deeply pursuing it since I was like 15 and then I came out of Evangelical church I was in and got very disillusioned and kind of the same thing like I was brought up in purity culture and I was taught to save myself for marriage and the Narrative I was given is if you're a good girl if you save yourself for marriage You will find your prince charming and you guys will live happily ever after Yeah, that's the kind of narrative that sets anyone up for failure and I know With the best intention, I know they were trying to just protect us From ourselves and from our sexuality, but as you know from your own story that causes a lot of problems and also It's really fundamentally is Making you believe that good things happen to good people You save yourself for marriage The end of that is good things happen to you so Actually, this was the first major breaking point in me the first time that I really dealt into my face and questioned everything because my husband admitted that he was cheating on me while we were dating and That he was faithful to me while we were married But he was the only person I'd ever been with so I felt So heartbroken. I didn't know anything about sex. So I just imagined every sexual experience He had was like rolling on a beach with a million orgasm fireworks We're also taught sex is like the ultimate ultimate ultimate so yes You know, I had a really warped view of what that even was in his life Versus, you know, probably him seeking and trying to figure himself out. We were both really young I had not mad at him for it at all as a matter of fact, I'm grateful because it made me who I am today It was the very first time that I was like I was a good girl and this terrible thing happened I did everything I was supposed to do and God's promise didn't come through God promised me this and it didn't happen and In that moment, I was so disillusioned and so angry and I broke away from the church for like a decade Because I always tell people I never left my face. I never stopped Communicating with Christian people. I never stopped praying in prayer groups But the church is a whole I did separate from because I was so disillusioned with that story and I'm At the end of the day, I realized You can't protect yourself from bad things happening because life is crazy and this is full of so many variables including other people's emotion other people's darkness other people's childhood traumas and insecurities and any time you're in communion with another person Whether it be romantic friendship someone else in a car that's driving next to you you're going to Crash up against each other in some way and your collected traumas and who each person is is going to affect each other for better And you know in life you can have interactions with people that blow your mind that make you feel better That bring out the best of you and vice versa all of that Is the longest way of saying I really started questioning this idea of being taught that if you do a You will get B if you are good good will happen because I again and again saw the opposite and I'm like a privileged girl You know living in America. So that's not even talking about a Woman in Africa that's been mutilated Sexually, you know that is 12 years old and never did a never heard of fly You know like it's very clear that bad things happen to good people all the time. Yeah So the way I process my faith is I don't see life as this lottery. I don't see God as an ATM machine or a Cancer doctor or someone that's going to immediately like heal you Including of your traumas or your experiences with other people I don't think he is this thing that's supposed to be protecting us from everything I actually think and by the way as an aside, I believe in miracles I believe in miraculous things happening. I believe you can pray For something beautiful and God can make it happen But I also don't believe that's the point of faith And even if you look at Jesus his life was very very far from perfect and good He was homeless like jumping from town to town and he was eventually tortured to death Before the message that he was given. So there's another example of a bad thing happening to the most good person And I think it is it's about it's more like a video game But it's about bringing yourself up to different levels emotionally spiritually physically Every trauma that occurs to you is an opportunity to either Wallow in that and sit in it and and you should by the way morning is welcome. You should mourn trauma. You should Feel pain when pain happens. I totally just Yeah, I hate when Christians feel like they have to pretend everything's okay because they're Christian another thing about good things Happening to good people as oftentimes Christians end up believing that they have to pretend everything's okay all the time They're not allowed to mourn or be sad Because we're supposed to be happy and faith is supposed to bring us as ultimate joy But I also think joy is different than happiness joy is like when you're joyful at the DMV Getting charged thousands of dollars that you don't have but you still feel that sense of hope and faith and License going to be okay versus happiness, which is what I think a lot of us confuse that with happiness as a temporary nature joy is more permanent and also more difficult to hold on to because life is so crazy but every bad thing is an opportunity every Major growth I've had in my faith with God has unfortunately not come from a positive experience But it's come from a negative experience And I don't think that's because God Intentionally gives us bad experiences. I think it's a lot about what I said before if you link up with another person You're immediately putting yourself at risk for whatever you're gonna bounce off of if they're an abusive person You might suffer abuse if they are traumatized person you might get pulled I just don't see life as It's never supposed to be good. I think we're on this planet. That's a disaster So that we can figure out how to reach heavenward how we can get closer and closer to the divine And my only goal in life isn't to have a perfect life I would love to have money and success and a beautiful partnership and healthy babies and you know live till 90 whatever and die in my sleep like yeah Sure, that sounds great But anything that comes up against that and challenges that The ultimate goal is by the time I am 90 and even if I do get to fall asleep peacefully in bed That I will have become so wise and so strong and so powerful Through whatever bad things have happened to me that it made it all worthwhile Because even biblically the afterlife is supposed to be the perfection The afterlife is supposed to be where a good thing happens to a good person. Yeah planet Earth is the opposite Do you think I think that leads us into another question I addressed in a video not that long ago Is there to you? I mean in your own story in your own view of faith. Is there a Why for everything that happens, you know people will often say everything happens for a reason They often are for a backed Romans 828. I think it is You know, everything happens for a reason is a phrase that we hear a lot. Do you think that that is true? Do you think there is some divine purpose? Well, if I'm not mistaken, I think that Romans verse doesn't say everything happens for a reason. It doesn't But you're right. It's often taught that way. Yes that everything happens for a reason, but it actually says everything happens for the good of The spiritual person that everything happens for like to fortify their faith, which again is actually Aligned with what I'm saying, which is like if If someone broke into this house right now and and did something terrible to me I would never ever ever believe that it was because God willed it to be that way because God put a spotlight on my house and Drew some evil here that was going to do evil to me like That I don't know why that happens except that Human beings are crazy. I would blame that human being that did that and also sorry for the word crazy I don't mean Wild human being are you can't predict what they're gonna do. They're reacting off of their own Personality and what happened to them and they're bringing it to you So that's why a person would come into this house not because God was like Brenda's gonna be such a such an age I'm gonna send this terrible thing her way But what I would do out of that if it was a survival circumstance is that I would Have to make the choice and maybe I'm using such a big example because I think oftentimes people do need a big example Because people do go through really really traumatic things in life a lot of people do I'd say most people have something Yeah, and really like life brings you a lot of challenges that you must face and I never blame anyone for holding on to Resentment or trauma or if it takes them decades to process that trauma there should be absolutely no shame in that Yeah, but I believe that verse is about if you are a person of faith if you're choosing to live a Spiritual way and you're choosing and desiring to draw yourself closer to the divine That that situation can be worked out for beauty and you are the prime example of that like you Lost your foot. Thanks, but you are using for beauty you Are choosing warmth and graciousness and an excitement for life and you still have this vivaciousness and That's your character like not everyone has to react to a trauma like that the way you did I give it took someone 20 years to work through that fine That would be just that would be awesome too like that For you know the working towards goodness is you You are you know choosing and you you have enough strength like you know thankful for yourself for that but like you have enough strength to be like I'm gonna take it and share that experience with others and Share my voice and comfort others in their own skin and you see that a lot You see parents lose a child and they advocate for a bill That makes sure no other children ever get kidnapped in this certain way or like Megan's law for example Yeah, you see someone who's you know spouse died of cancer and they create a huge cancer walk You know, I think the moments where you see that Romans verse in action when you see the divine because I also believe in the Balance of of light and dark good and evil like life on this planet is not Imperfect balance all the time. It's not just good. It's not just light. It's dark as well But I believe as a shim the God is always there To provide that lights and to bring that light into that darkness With that it's human fortitude like you have your own human fortitude to do that Yeah, and I think that's I think that's really true With that being said, I'm pretty sure I probably know the answer to this question But I'd love to hear what you have to say on it. What what do you think about? People asking why like people people being mad at God are asking why it sounds like you went through a period of Everything like we're cool. We can talk for the second you start asking God why I like That's it. I'm done with you And call No, the opposite. I actually think I put out a video with author Pete ends He wrote an amazing book called how the Bible actually works and If you guys want to check out that interview It's definitely heady and it goes a lot into the history of the Bible and everything One of the main things he talks about is giving each other as Christians or as anyone Permission to ask these huge questions. I A lot of times and I can only speak for the evangelical practice that I came from There was so much pressure to know and there was so much pressure that if you don't know That's why something bad is happening. If you don't know or if you're asking a question That's why being faithful. It's doubt and doubt is sinful and thus Exactly if you're lukewarm God will spit you out of his mouth. Yes I hate all of those things because they're just ways that we cause each other to fear and we cause ourselves to fear Asking incredibly valid questions You have a major health issue and you want to know why on earth God would allow something like that happen to you You need to ask him and you have every right to ask him as You know has his creation and to be shaming each other out of that or making each other fear out of that has always been so unfair to me and Like Pete and I's conversation was a lot about how in the Jewish faith It is actually celebrated if there was like three Jewish people sitting around a table eating dinner There is they embrace the idea of you being like well, I read this bible verse and it means this and me being like no It doesn't it means I love that idea You may not the bible the Torah in this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But that makes me so jealous and I want to Encourage Christians to take on the exact same thing because the bible is Thousands of years old written by multiple authors. It's ambiguous ancients and Diverse as Pete calls it and that's exactly what it is. It's like Me sitting in my living room in 2019 Arrogantly reading this ancient book and being like well God is clear and I know exactly It's like the hair flip with that. Yes You're like, you know and I get a lot of people say that to me and I look at their profile picture And it's like a 19 year old girl and I'm like, okay Cool But I know we're the get it if they're not they're not, you know a holes They're getting from their leadership telling them that they're supposed to know all the answers And I would like to encourage any Christian to really acknowledge that Bible is Incredibly complicated. Look up at the galaxies at the cosmos You really think you're not allowed to ask questions of the creator of that That is so beautiful and even The way Jesus spoke in parables He never spoke clearly People would be like should I go to church and he goes into a story about You know Two goats and you're just like Man never I just wanted to know if I wanted to go exactly But I mean I think even that is an example of God walked on earth in the flesh And chose to answer every single question with an ambiguous parable that people had to understand In their own time with their finite understanding I think that goes to show right there that God is Very willing for us to go on a journey for asking questions and for being as confused as hell And him not hating for us like hating us for it another thing that pete n says is What if this is humans and what if he's perfectly okay with that? I like that a lot I think we're always so ashamed of being human beings. We're ashamed of what we've been told is our original sin We're ashamed that the savior had to die for us and Yeah, you know, it's like God knew what he was getting it. He's God, you know, we're trying our best and trying so hard to do my best And I'm failing all the time And I'll repent for it and I'll feel conviction for it when it's necessary, but To be crawling across the floor crying all of the time and apologizing for being a human being I don't think he's doing anyone any favors. I I heard a story. I think this was um, Donald Miller, he wrote a blue like jazz and it's an older book, but he told the story once about Um, he had a dog that was terrified It was like a rescue dog and every time he called the dog to it It would like come crawling to him like it was about to be beat and he was like he was like What does that say like what what what must people think about me that the dog is like? I'm so sorry to be here and he was like that's You know kind of related that to how we think about God that if if every interaction is like, I'm so sorry Like I'm so sorry that I exist. I'm so sorry to be here. Like that's not what does that say about God? Like that's not that's not his character. That's not actually what he wants for us Like he wants us to be joyful and alive in here and he loves us Right, I know and it's so hard to wrap your brain around because God can be presented as very scary Yeah Yeah, listen to yeah, basically anything. Yes. Yeah Yeah, well, thank you so much for being here and sharing a little bit about your faith and a little about a little bit about your joining I really really appreciate it. And I know that a lot of people will get something from that. Yeah And just a reminder doesn't that doesn't mean that's I gave you the answer either like You know, we really have to seek your answers on your own But I think not apologizing for being a human being and realizing that life was not meant to be full of happily ever after Do good be good is a good place to start I think I think that's very true and readjusting our expectations like that does very good things for us Yeah, I will link Brenda's information down below her youtube channel is called God is Gray. Like I said, I found it a while ago and people who watch my channel know that I have issues with faith stemming from a bit of trauma, but I love I love listening to your channel I love listening to what you have to say because you don't beat people over the head with the bible And I really like your perspective So if you've enjoyed this if you've enjoyed this video or anything Brenda had to say, please go check out her channel She also has a podcast so check her out on anywhere you can listen to a podcast. Yeah, thank you Well, thanks guys for listening. I love you guys. I'm thinking of you and I'll see you in the next video That was so fun to be able to talk to her Brenda. Thank you again for being on my channel now Like I said, we also did a collaboration over on her channel. God is gray that is linked in the description down below Check it out. It's uh, it's a pretty personal one got pretty pretty personal for me But I love being able to do that so hop over to her channel and you know subscribe to her channel I feel like her content. Thanks for listening to us today. I truly appreciate it. I'd love to hear your thoughts on any of These questions and issues. I love you guys. I'm thinking of you and see you in the next video Bye guys