 The narcissist wants to hurt you as much as possible. Narcissists always hurt the people who are closest to them. The people that they always have access to. But they treat other people very differently to how they treat you. People who aren't even helping them. People who aren't doing anything for them. But they will get better treatment than you do. They will get the narcissist's kindness and generosity. The narcissist will do whatever they can for them. While having a composed and self assured manner. While being self controlled. Which may confuse you. It may make you wonder how can they be so polite and courteous with other people. When they act in a silly way and seemingly without sense when they're with you. They're offensively impolite and bad-mannered. They're disrespectful and inconsiderate. They're passive aggressive. But then they act so differently with strangers. With people they don't even know. People who aren't doing anything for them. Which may make you wonder why wouldn't they do that for someone who is doing something for them. But this is how narcissists are. They hurt the people who are closest to them. The people who they always have access to. But this should reveal to you how insincere and deceitful they are. This should reveal to you their shortcomings. It should reveal to you that something is not right. Because there's such an extreme contrast. Between how they are with you and how they are with other people. There's such an extreme contrast of behaviour. If they treated other people the same way they treated you. It would make more sense. You could argue that it was just their personality. But when you see them going out of their way. To accommodate strangers. And they're so welcoming to visitors and guests. But they treat you like you're nothing. When you're doing all of these things for them. It doesn't add up. It doesn't make any sense. It just makes you wonder why they don't act that way with you. But this is how you should know that it's all an act. Because what you're receiving is who they really are. They can't be fake for long periods of time. With someone who is always around them. Which is why you might see them being kind on some occasions. While in another moment. They will be completely out of control. Their behaviour is very inconsistent. Which should reveal to you that it's all an act. They're deceiving people. Which is how when you try to tell other people about how they really are. No one believes you. Because they don't know them. Those other people don't live with the narcissist. The narcissist is very cautious. To avoid other people seeing how they are. They will go out of their way to do things for other people. They will help people for free. But then they will make a strenuous effort. To argue with you about getting a chocolate at the store. While they're doing all of these things for other people. They're going out of their way. They're cooking food for them. While they have this disinterested and selfless concern. For your well being. But when you go to these other people. And try to reveal how the narcissist treats you. There's no way that they're going to believe you. Because they've already witnessed all of these kind and selfless acts from the narcissist. So they're not going to believe that the narcissist is so unrestricted and unpleasant. No one will believe that all of these things are being done to you. Because they've already taken action. To limit any damaging effects that might otherwise incur. They've already managed the perceptions of other people. Because they're making preparations for the real abuse. Which when it finally gets to that point. There's not going to be anyone on your side. There's not going to be anyone who is able to identify with you or understand you. No one's going to save you from danger or difficulty. And that is when they will begin their smear campaign. They will intentionally try to ruin your life. They will deliberately humiliate you in public. Whenever you seem to be happy. They will start an argument. They will do something to make you angry or upset. Especially if you have a reason to celebrate. They will tear you down. They will bring up things that you thought were already dealt with. They will blow things up out of proportion. Because they just can't stand to see you being happy. They can't stand to see you enjoying something. They will deliberately go out of their way. To bring disturbance, confusion and uncertainty to you. It's done consciously and intentionally. Which is why they will often start arguments on special occasions. Or when you're trying to sleep at night. They will argue with you for hours about something pointless. They don't want you to have any peace. Because they're very envious and jealous. Which is why everything becomes a competition. Where they try to defeat you. Or establish superiority over you. They always find a reason to complain. Or criticize something. And they do it in such a persistent and irritating way. They're never happy. They never feel positive about anything. They're miserable 24 hours a day. Which is why they always have to try to make you feel the same way. They can't let you be happy. While they have to deal with it in a turmoil. While they have to deal with all of these things that they don't like. And you're happy and having a good time. And at peace with yourself. They have to bring you down to their level. Which is when they start fault finding. They have to find something wrong. With you or your situation. It may be difficult for you. As a normal person to understand this. But it is all done deliberately. They will make stuff up. They will act like something is wrong. So that you try to correct it. Because it feeds their ego. It makes them feel important. Even though there was never any real issue that bothered them. But they will use it to make you put in work. To make you try to make things right. When you were never wrong anyway. They just managed to convince you that what you did was so disturbing. It's just a test. So that they can see what you're willing to tolerate. So that they can see what they can get away with. And they will use it to justify their actions. While you're trying to correct the situation. Because they put on this act. Like they're so upset with what you did. When really they're just trying to make you feel guilty. Because that is another way that they gain power over you. They play on your weaknesses. To make you respond. So that they can break you down. Off of your own insecurities. When it may not have been an insecurity of yours to begin with. They just use delicacy and skill. To get you to respond in the way that you did. So that they can give you their design plan of what they want you to do. So that they can really begin to program you. And to how they want you to act and behave for them. Even though you didn't do anything wrong. They will exploit it. They will take advantage of the situation. So that they can get you to comply with their demands. Because they just want to control you. But the moment that you agree. That you did something wrong. They will then expect better from you. In their minds. They believe it gives them permission to step over your boundaries. Until you are allowing yourself to be controlled by them. Until you are following their orders. And you don't see it coming until it's too late. Until they become more and more abusive. It gets out of control. Because they can't help themselves. They have an intense and selfish desire for power and control. And they never satisfied. They always want more. Which is why they end up over doing it. Because they have an appetite that is impossible to satisfy. If they had more control over their behavior. They would probably have more control over you. But because their behavior is so extreme. It eventually ends up pushing people away. Because people are unable to remain undamaged or unaffected by it. But it manages to lock people down for a certain amount of time. Which is why they are so arrogant. Because their manipulation. Has been successful in the past. They manage to control the minds of other people before you. They have done this so many times. And it always results. In their victim not functioning properly. Or having financial difficulties. The narcissist gets what they want from you. And then they leave. They have to leave at some point. Because they know they're causing severe damage to you. While they're doing these things to you. They're not planning to stay with you. They know they can't stay with you after they've messed you up. You're not going to serve any purpose for them. They just have to keep getting as much out of you as possible. While they still can. For as long as you're willing to tolerate it. Until they beat the very ego of your soul to a pulp. Until you're left broken. And senseless. Where they sense of overwhelming disruption and emotion. And then they're done. They're not intending to be with you forever. You may have children. But they just see them as investments. Because they know that at some point. They're going to experience a period of difficulties and hardship. So they need to have something they can recourse to. When they're in difficulty. But everything they did to you was deliberate. It was done for their own selfish needs. For their own survival. But they don't like it when you leave. Because they don't see it as though you're leaving off of your own free will. At an independent decision making. They see it as though someone else has come along. And taken you away from them. They don't see it as though you're capable to leave on your own. So they assume that someone else has stolen their property. Because they just see you as an object. And in their minds. They're trying to protect it. They're trying to prevent someone else. From taking you away. Because they don't think you're capable of going off on your own. But once they've done their work on you. They're very territorial over you. In their minds you belong to them. You're their project. You're their experiment. So they don't want to see someone else taking you away. But if you're on your own and you're miserable. They will leave you there. They won't have any concern for you. But once you start to wake up. Once you become more wiser. And more knowledgeable. And you start to figure things out. Then they get very jealous. They get very possessive and controlling. Because they feel like someone or something. Is taking you away from them. And then they want to cause disruption. They want to intervene. They try to get you back. They try to do things for you. But it's not because they care about you. It's not because they have any concern for you. They just don't want to see someone else taking what they believe to be their possession. After everything they have done to secure you and keep you under their control. Because from the moment they met you. It was all a game. You were led to believe that they cared about you. You were led to believe that they wanted the best for you. But it was all an illusion. They never took the steps to make it a reality. Because they never intended to make it a reality. But at the end of the relationship. You may experience conflicting attitudes and beliefs. Because you think that the character they displayed to you in the beginning was real. To break the cognitive dissonance. You need to understand that everything they displayed to you was an act. They were just mirroring you. They pretended to like what you liked and wanted. But they were never about any of that. They weren't about anything. They're never going to make anyone happy. They're never going to be a good husband or wife for anyone. They're never going to make anyone proud of them. Because they're condemned. They're never going to change. They're not going to magically become what you always wanted them to be. That's never going to happen. It's never going to be a reality. It's never going to be possible. You can change and improve your life. But they're always going to be this way. My PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at coaching.narcsurviver.co.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.