 I'm Wally Robinson, WNW News on the Sears Mystery Theater. That's the theme from the Sears Radio Theater. Tonight's story is a comedy with Andy Griffith as your host. Here's a preview. Where's Vietnam? It's right next door to Thailand where my girlfriend, Siri Kitt, came from. This is the lady from Bangkok, the one you almost married? Right. Say, man, you got a good memory. Yes, Siri Kitt, I really cared a lot for that woman. The Sears Radio Theater will begin after this message from your local station. Here's a message from your kidney foundation. Have you ever stood in line, my friend? Not for hours but for years on end. Not waiting for a ticket for a show you want to see. But just for the chance to live life normally. Waiting for the gift of life. Pass it on, pass it on. Give the gift of life. Pass it on, pass it on. Somewhere someone depends on you. You can give the gift of life and help someone who depends on you by becoming an organ donor. You can sign a special line on your driver's license or get an organ donor card from your kidney foundation. A moment to sign could mean a lifetime to others. Remember, we're talking about life. Pass it on, pass it on. Give the gift of life. Pass it on, pass it on. Somewhere someone depends on you. This is Andy Griffith. Listen. Formation and fire! The time is the recent past, and the story is about a man, a soldier named Steele. Or rather, it's the story of a two-day past that was stretched into three days, as seen through the fuzzy eyeballs of the buddy of his. The reason for me referring to the fuzz in his eyes will become obvious as we march along. Steele, nobody ever called him Conroy, was an army cook attached to the 52nd Civil Affairs Group Fort Gordon, Georgia, whenever he was an AWOL, which was fairly often. We get into a ticklish area here. Some people will say as soon as you make a generalization about any member of a minority group that you're stereotyping or worse yet, you're prejudiced. Well, as a so-called minority member myself, I'll go out on a limb and say, I think some people in all groups do fit some stereotypes with no loss of dignity or anything, as long as the stereotype isn't intentionally degrading. Steele, my buddy Steele, was a West Indian, a brother from St. Thomas in the Virgin Island. And he was, I think, what a lot of people feel West Indians are really like, warm, temperamental, full of life. He was a fantastic storyteller. Spell that liar. A really fine cook, army or not. A generous friend, a heartbreaker. It was his boast that he had left him smiling on three continents and 12 islands. As well as being one of the heaviest drinking dunes I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. His first question when we got into town was, who's bumping, mon? With an accent that was so lyrical it sounded like singing. I remember a weekend with Steele that almost left me with the need to be pumped. You all know this is the morning police call, which means I want you men to go over this area, pick up every gum wrapper, bottle top, scrap a paper and cigarette butt you see. If you can move it, pick it up. Otherwise we'll come back through here and paint it. Which is just about the way the day started. The day which somehow or other became more than a day. What just now happened really, is that our story has just begun. Radio Theatre, a new adventure in radio listening. Five nights of exceptional entertainment every week. Brought to you in Elliott Lewis' production of The Sears Radio Theatre. Our story, a weekend pass by Odie Hawkins. Our stars, Brock Peters and Robert Doki. The Sears Radio Theatre is brought to you by Sears Robuck & Company. Sears, where America shops for value. When I need advice, I go to my mom. Why not, it's free. Now that I'm married and moving into a new house, I want all the advice I can get. So when mom says shop Sears, I listen. You should. Sears is a great help on those big items you'll need for your new home. Major appliances like washers, dryers and refrigerators, they'll deliver, install and service. I always depend on Sears. You should too. Get them trim cut, regular cut, even get them free washed. The jeans that grow old beautifully. Now at most Sears retail stores. Sears National Automotive Sale. Dirt inside your shock absorbers can cause them to fail. Get Sears Heavy Duty Plus shocks with a self-cleaning wiper ring. On sale now only $7.99 each. You save 20% installation available. And save now on Sears Superguard steel-belted radial tires. Steel-belted strength, smooth ride, radial performance. Super values too. Say $40 to $76 on a set of four. Sale ends June 30th at most Sears tire and auto centers. Prices and dates may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. Stop! I've been told that an army march is on its valley. By that I mean what goes into the men makes a march. But no one has ever explained what happened to the army when it's cook's night off. Or what the cook does once he's free of the kitchen. Steel had gotten a couple of hundred dollars in back pay. The pumping began as soon as he received the money. Hecquerel, Jack Skid, Bobo McKinnon, Sergeant Jackson, and myself to go to the service club. It was on a Friday night, a typical peacetime U.S. Army Friday night in 1964. Jack Skid, our resident poet, after eight whiskey sours. I know everyone sitting at this table has always wanted to know why monkeys stay in trees, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no getting around it. After a certain number of whiskey sours, Jack had to tell us why monkeys lived in trees. Wait Jack, hold on to your monkeys. Let's everybody have another round first. Yeah, can I take your order again? Another round for the friends. Oh, looks like a good sergeant has decided to take ten on us. Down in the jungle where the tall grass grow, live one of the most sarcastic monkeys the world would ever know. One day he happened to struggle up a tree to snow a little bit and dream up something new for his whip. Everybody got a taste? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. Down on the ground lived a lion who knew he was king. The monkey spied the lion and said, trying to put evil into his head. Hey lion, there's a big tough dude living over there and the way he talks about you would put gray in your hair. From what he says, he ain't your friend and he sees your body as something to bend. The reason I'm telling you this is because I'm really your friend. Some friend that is him. Yeah, Mr. Lion, he talked about you in a scandalous way and that's all I've got to say. Now the lion took off like a 44 out to even the score. He ran through the jungle like death on a breeze, knocking out all the coconuts off the trees. The lion stalked an elephant from behind and he'd give him a pretty rough time. The elephant checked the lion out from the corner of his eyes and said, look lion, you better pick on somebody your size. The lion wouldn't listen to reason and made a slash and beat him to the ground with one mighty smash. Now left, left, left, right. They fought all night and half the day and I still don't see how the lion got away and he finally dragged off more dead than alive leaving himself wide open for more of the monkey's giant. Hey, Mr. Lion, you really look sad. The other fella must have really been bad. When you left here you were roaring like you was going to eat somebody up. Now look at you, you were all beat up. The monkey hopped with glee, jumped up and down his foot missed the limb and he plunged to the ground. The lion was on him with all four feet and enough to grind him into hamburger meat. The monkey looked up with tears in his eyes and said, please, Mr. Lion, I apologize. If you let me go, I'll tell you something you really ought to know. Mr. Lion lifted up a paw and the monkey scammed up a tree. What I wanted to tell you, he screamed from the tree, I'll put the elephant on you again if you mess with me. The lion stalked away growling, are you just talking? Up in them trees is where you better stay. And that's where they are till this very day. So there, once again we find out what keeps lions on the ground. Elephants. Oh, come on, you guys. I kind of like to find out why the monkeys live in trees every now and then. Waitress. Okay, it's okay, steal, my friend, I can take it. Another round? Yes, and a double for our poor friend's skin. Jack, you know, I've always been puzzled by one thing that happens in that monkey poem. What's that? Why would you choose a biggest creature in the jungle, the elephant for the lion to mess with? Because incongruity is the soul of humor, brother Bobo, as every good comedian knows. Incon who? Incongruity. I feel I just have to pause here for a moment to say a few words about something. I've been in a lot of groovy situations, but I don't think anything can equal the good vibes of a group of soldiers off duty. I look around the table over the rims of hundreds of glasses at Sergeant Jackson. Sergeant Jackson has been in a couple of wars and he has ribbons and decorations to prove it. But he doesn't swagger around acting heroic or anything, if you know what I mean. Right now, he's checking his eyelids for holes. And my buddy, steal? Well, he was up to something which I didn't know anything of. Not at that time. Here they come, more values from seers like a $1.44 pull-on shorts and a $1.99 tank tops for women. They're colorful polyester tank tops that slip on neatly over the double knit nylon shorts. Shorts with elastic waist and stitch front creases. Just watch them go. Seers $1.44 shorts and a $1.99 tank tops for women. All set for action. Hurry in while quantities last. Prices may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. Seers wants to break the ice when it comes to buying a Kenmore refrigerator. So we're taking $50 to $100 off three models through June 30th. You save $100 on the 19 cubic foot side-by-side and $70 on the 17 cubic foot top freezer refrigerator. Both have automatic ice makers and Seers exclusive huma drawer. Save $50 on a Kenmore 17 cubic foot refrigerator freezer without ice maker. All are frostless. Kenmore, solid as seers. Dates may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. It's here. It's here. The Great American paint sale is here. Now save $3 to $5 on the same seers paints that help preserve the homes of John Paul Jones, Betsy Ross, and other Great American homes like yours. Save $5 on weather beater satin exterior paints. Now $9.99 a gallon. Save $3 on easy living flat ceiling and semi-gloss interior paints. $8.99 to $9.99 a gallon. The Great American paint sale is here. Prices may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. All items available at most larger seers retail stores. Put them in the service club and they haven't retreated one single sip. Sergeant Jackson never forgets that he is a sergeant even while he's semi asleep. Ain't no sense in going home. Jody got your girl in going. Sound off. One, two. Sound off. Three, four. Pages count. One, two, three, four. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. As you can hear, he's always thinking of the troops. Jack Skid, whom we care about having a name like Skid, is our poet in residence, in a manner of speaking, and the company's communications specialist. This guy can take a bunch of metal scraps, a couple of coat hangers and a coil of wire, spit on the whole business, and build a radio that could reach the South Pole. I've seen him do it. Well, not the South Pole, but he did wake some poor dude up in West Texas once. Good morning, Mr. J. Bird. I came to buy your wings. To fly over to Mrs. Boots's house to hear Mrs. Boots say, Mrs. Boots has a new little baby, and when the baby cries, she rocks the baby in a cradle and feeds him apple pies. Sometimes Jack's portrait doesn't quite receive the recognition he feels it deserves. Okay, okay, if you clawed it, if you didn't like that, how about this one? Roses are red, violets are blue. Great guy, always. His portrait, well, that's a different story. Vobo McKinnon is an ex-golden glove title holder from Philadelphia for 147 pounds. I think you suspect that he'd held some kind of title just from looking at the muscles this dude had. He's one of the few human beings I've ever seen with a set of muscles between thumb and forefinger. Great guy, but you wouldn't want to make it mad about anything. And still, Conroy Raphael Steele. Waitress, you're slowing down, sweetheart. How about another round? Do you guys know you probably set a news service club record for whiskey sours consumed in a four-hour period? What's the record for fours and backeries? Huh? Now that's typically Steele. Not quite satisfied to settle for the easy way. I mean, you get the impression that he merges fantasy and reality better than most people. Okay, so there I was. Me and a couple of good friends. Roman Coke. Oh, man, these were people. Anyway, there we are in the middle of this cane field. Moon as bright as morning, machetes in hand, slashing and fighting with a whole troupe of ghosts. A troupe of what? You heard the man. He said ghosts. Right, Steele? Right. We had just about gotten the best of them before the pile-up, pull-off this franken movement over to the left. See what I mean? You never quite know whether he's pulling your leg or not. The only time you can be absolutely certain he's not putting you on is when he cooks or talks about cooking. How did I become a cook? Yeah. Look, simple. I took one look at my first breakfast, a creamed beef on toast in basic training, and I thought to myself, hey, Steele, you can do better than that. So I become a cook. No, no, no, let me tell the truth now. That's not exactly the way it happened. I had this buddy of mine who was General Porter's personal chef. Remember him? Oh, yeah, I remember him. We used to call him old pity pattern boy because he was always sneaking around pity pattern. That's the one, that's the one. Well, my buddy Johnny Wolf was about to lose his cushy job because he was running out of ideas for needles, and he asked me to help. Well, if the truth be told, Johnny Wolf never had a giant imagination to start with, you know. Well, how did he know that you knew anything about cooking? Oh, we knew each other from back home. Well, even if I must say so myself, I had a pretty big reputation in St. Thomas. Anyway, I saved his job by making Pooley Bask. Pooley who? Pooley Bask, Bask Chicken Man. Hey, you know, speaking of strange food and all, I've been dying to ask somebody, who are these little Chinese guys walking around the post holding hands? Oh, for goodness sakes, Bo. You're worse than that, than my Uncle Wally. Don't you know by now that all the yellow people ain't Chinese? Those guys are Vietnamese. They're here for signal school training. Okay, so they're Vietnamese, whatever that is. But what's with this hand holding bin? Just a custom, all buddy. They just have a different sense of values about stuff like that. Where's Vietnam? It's right next door to Thailand, where my girlfriend, Siri, came from. This is the lady from Bangkok, the one you almost married? Right. Say, man, you got a good memory. Yes, Siri Cret, I really cared a lot for that woman. I think she was the only woman I ever met who could cook better than me. I was attached to the American Embassy in Bangkok. Somebody had passed the word to the ambassador that I made the best vatapah at this side of Rio de Janeiro. Come on, Steve, play fair, speak English. What's this vatapapa stuff? Vatapam. My poetic friend is a Brazilian dish. It's chicken, stewed in coconut milk, seasoned with sliced shrimps, onion, red pepper, and olive oil. Anyway, the ambassador whose last post had been in Brazil finagled me onto the embassy staff because he had fallen in love with Brazilian food. And that's how I met Siri Cret. Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. Something is missing here. What are you talking about, Vietnam? Last call, last call, last call, dude. Hey, hey, hey, what's going on around here? This is it, the end. Thank goodness. Well, wait, wait, wait, one more round before you throw us out. Come on, one more. Radio Theatre will continue after this message from your local station. What in the world happened in June brought to you by your local Navy recruiter? June is admissions day for New Hampshire and Virginia, admitted in 1788. Kentucky in 1792. Tennessee in 1796. Arkansas in 1836. And West Virginia in 1863 as our 35th state. The Continental Congress appointed a committee to draft the Declaration of Independence in June of 1776. In June of 1782, the design for the great seal of the United States was adopted by Congress. The U.S. Navy Yard at Portsmouth, New Hampshire was purchased in June of 1800. The first course in flight instruction was started in June of 1925 at the U.S. Naval Academy. In June of 1935, the Self-Help Organization Alcoholics Anonymous was created. In June of 1966, the U.S. achieved the first soft landing on the moon. What in the world happened in June is brought to you by your local Navy recruiter who will answer your questions about Navy opportunity or in the Continental United States call 800-841-8000 in Georgia, 800-342-5855. Run up and down your spine. There's a creeping sensation at the back of your neck. You're listening to CBS Radio Mystery Fair. I'm E.G. Marshall, your host for these hour-long dramas of suspense, adventure, and the macabre. Heard seven times a week on most of these stations? Here's a sample of what we mean. Wild man, listen and you'll hear it. It came from the bow hanging in the sobbing of a little child. And then it changed as I went forward to look. I swear it came aboard and it went down, down below. I was afraid, but I followed it. Oh, Doctor, I tell you, it went right into the captain's cabin. Listen here for CBS Radio Mystery Theater seven times a week on most of these CBS Radio Network stations. Undergoing their ritualistic last round, everyone seems to be pretty much the worst for wear except Smith and Steele. Smith has been doing a Houdini slide of hand with the whiskey sour glasses that magically placed them squarely in front of Sergeant Jackson, which might explain why he is or the combat, or shall I say, bombed. Steele seems to be just starting his evening and while they've all known his capacity for this sort of thing, they have to wonder why it's different this time. Okay, that's that. Only 12 o'clock and we're out in the night. What now? Well, I've had it. I mean, me too, and I think I speak for the good sergeant draped over my back. Oh, well, what about you, buddy, oh? Well, I, um, uh... Great, great, let's leave these deadbeats and go on pumping in town. Kind of long cash, Steele. I only have... Hey, man, we ain't talking cash. We're talking about pumping. Let's grab a post-doxy and go. Come on. The sense of challenge swelled up in my chest, realizing that it seemed likely that I was going to be taken through the test of a Steele weekend. One I only suspected at that time would be a record-setter. When our friends shook hands with me, leaving the service club, even Sergeant Jackson unbent for the departure scene, they seemed to look at me in the way people look at other people who are obviously about to do something they wouldn't do. Back then in 1964, a medium-sized town in South Georgia wasn't much of a great place for a couple of black soldiers to go and party the night away. Grenette Street was where it was and there wasn't much to that. Three clubs, the Top Hat, the Paramount and the DeSoto. Steele, playing with the laws of averages, tossed a two-headed nickel and decided from the DeSoto plan. We grabbed a table and Steele ordered a brand of scotch I had never heard of, nor had the waitress. We settled for rum and coke. Well, here we go, buddy-o. Roses are red, violets may be blue, and if either one of us has got to go to heaven, I think it'll be you with all due respect. Condition at this point was, how shall I say it, a bit unstable. Steele? Steele was in good shape. His fingers looked pickled the way they were curled up, but there was nothing wrong with the rest of it. You've got to be on your guard when you come in here. These women will dance the socks off. How about some refreshments? Two o'clock now, closing time. Two o'clock, people, now. Time to call it a night. Hey, what is this? Every place I go, they close it up. Fortunately for me, the bar closed at 2 a.m. I don't think I could have been able to hang in there a minute longer. The bartender, wise to how reluctant troops on a weekend pass were to give it up, nudged us out with a sawed-off pool cue in his big fat ass. I think he was anxious to get home for dinner. 2 a.m. Saturday morning, slightly tipsy to put it mildly. No place to sleep in the soft south Georgian evening that was loaded with fragrances of wisteria and mint and magnolia have now surrendered to a cold, impersonal shirt-flapping northern breeze. I shivered and made a delicate inquiry. Okay, Steel, where do we sleep tonight? You know something, man. I could never understand what it was made Harry Belafonte so popular. What? Belafonte, you know the calypso singer. What about Belafonte? I mean, aside from the fact that the man had nice teeth and used to show his belly button a lot, I never thought too much of his singing, you know. Take a song like Matilda. How did it go now? Matilda, Matilda, she'd take me money run Venezuela. Matilda! Matilda! Matilda, she'd take me money and you won't believe it. Hey, that's great, man. Let's take it all the way. Steel, man, I'm freezing. Hey, hey, there's a closed in porch. Why don't we go and sit inside? Sure, why not, you know? You know Mama Locobobu? No, not really. Well, it goes... I wonder why nobody don't like me. Maybe it's the fact that I am ugly. And then there's the banana pork song, man. I love that one. Let me see. How we go now? I'd take it you boys missed the bus back to camp. Oh, sorry. We didn't mean to... Yes, sir. We didn't mean to wake anybody up. Well, you did, but that's beside the point. It's pretty chilly outside. Why don't you boys come on inside? We got a sofa and why don't you all can sleep on a bunch of warm quilts and the other can make a palette. Thank you. Thank you very much. Yeah, thank you. Thank you very much. Williams. Williams is my name. Mr. Williams. We certainly want to thank you. I don't think I had one more song in my body. Oh, I understand. I was in the service myself a while back and I've done my chef saying hey, here are the quilts, huh? Who sleeps on the floor? Why don't we flip for it? With your two-headed nickel? Heads. I got the sofa. Saturday morning my mouth tasted like a bowl of ashes. I knew it was the next day and that the sun was probably shining which made me want to keep my glazed eyeballs away from bright lights of any kind and my head felt as though a half-track was practicing maneuvers inside. Finally, I worked up the nerve to squint over the lump of quilt around my neck and saw steel and Mr. Williams sitting at a table in the other room sipping what looked suspiciously to me like bourbon. Hey, you wake, man? Come on in here. Mr. Williams is telling me about what Paris was like right after the First World War. Come in here and have an eye-opener. Steel had been up long enough to have charmed his way into our host's liquor supply. He could do that. Charmed people, that is. I pulled myself off the floor, staggered into the bathroom to splash water on my aching head. Then bravely marched into the living room for a half-glass of eye-opener. It tasted vaguely like soapy water and iodine. Yeah, I'm telling you, young man, there's never been another time like it in the history of the world. Oh, uh, this is my wife, Martha. Good morning. I heard y'all singing last night. Uh, good morning, Mrs. Williams. Good morning, Mrs. Williams. Nice. Good morning, Mrs. Williams. Now then, tell me, how were you young men like Egg Scramble, Sonny Sider, Oh, I'd like my... No, no, thank you, Mrs. Williams. We got to be going and we'll leave already. No trouble. We usually have a late breakfast on Saturday. All I have to do is crack up with a few more eggshells. You wouldn't be putting us out none. That's really nice of you, Mrs. Williams, but we really must go. But we'd certainly like to thank you for giving us a place to sleep. Oh, forget it. Like I was telling Steele, I know a little about what it's like to be stranded. Well, if you won't stay for breakfast, take this bag of biscuits with you. Well, I'm sure y'all don't get homemade biscuits up at that camp. Not once in a hundred years, Mrs. Williams. Thank you. Y'all, come on. Bye. Next time you're in town, eh? And maybe we can pull out the old checkerboard. Thank you. Bye. Take it easy. I didn't want to stay for breakfast. My stomach feels like a cave. Mine, too, buddy. Eat up this, kid. Why? Well, hold on, man. I'll tell you. I woke up this morning with a powerful thirst. My mouth drier than a desert. Went into the refrigerator for some ice. You know, to cool my burning throat. And there was practically nothing in the fridge but ice cubes and eggs. We would have been eating all their chow if we had eaten breakfast. Oh, I didn't know that. Some old people are like that. Proud, you know. I left 20 bucks under the sugar bowl knowing that they would have been insulted if we tried to pay them for the hospitality. Yeah, you're right. You can tell what kind of people they are. However, my stomach still craves. Where is that place? Somewhere near here. Oh, oh, oh, I remember. It's in the next block. What are you talking about? What's in the next block? There's a guy down the street here who makes some of the most fantastic scrap iron you ever taste. Scrap iron? Yeah. I don't even like the name. You got to try it, man. He usually runs off a bat on Friday and is gone by Saturday night. Come on. If we're lucky, he'll still have some. What about food? Everything in its time, my friend. Everything in its time. We compromised. In the next block, he disappeared up a little dirt path that seemed to lead nowhere and returned with a half pint bottle of scrap iron. It was about 130 before we finished off a great lunch of gumbo filet at mom's place chased by slugs of scrap iron and red soda pop. Steel and the owner of the establishment changed a few recipes and it was time to return to the bar. I have to confess, by this time I was beginning to feel that the whole number was some kind of weird challenge, something I couldn't back away from, but I was determined to finish this weekend somehow. No matter what, we wanted into the top hat the swankiest bar on Gwinnett Street and ordered rum and coats. Beware, a problem is approaching us. Hi, you today, Mr. Conroy Raphael Steel. Oh, hi, Marcien. What's happening? I'm fine, as you can see. This is my friend, Delacruz. Well, this here is Herb Smith, Meet Miss Marcien, right? Hi. Well, are you going to ask us to join you or not? Well, certainly. By all means. Sit down. Gas on. Refreshments for the ladies. What will you have? A taste of the bubbly caviar about the money. Oh, come on, Steel, knock it off. I'll have cold beer. How about you, Delamé? Beer sounds okay. Two of your very coldest beers for the ladies and two more of your superb rum and coats for me and my buddy. Well, how you been, Marcien? Not so hot. I thought you said you was going to call me about the raffa tickets. Why are you so quiet? I'm practically exhausted. From what? You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Huh, refreshments. Well, here's looking at me, kids. Steel, what about those tickets? Remember, you said... But I thought you said the raffle was last week. You didn't hear me tell you no such thing as that. I told you this week and you promised about four tickets from me. Come on, tell me. Why are you so exhausted from? Marcien, I have been buying tickets from you for two years for one thing or the other and I ain't never come close to winning nothing. But, Steel, you prom. I'm exhausted from a rare form of disease. It's called stick with steel either. I didn't promise nothing. Is it catching? Yes, you did too, Steel. Unless you want it to be. I know when I promise something and I didn't promise. If it's one thing I hate worse than clabber milk, it's a liar. Who you calling a liar, woman? If the shoe fits, put it on. Come on, Della. Let's go someplace that's not infested by lies. I got one. Hope I see you again. How about right here? Oh, why don't I hang out at bars? Why don't you call me? Care for honey. If he hangs around with old Tom, he bears care for watching. I'll call you, Della. Looking forward to hearing from you. Bye. Take it easy, Marceen. You and your wolf tickets. Steel, did you promise to buy some tickets or not? I'm almost certain I did. You did? Probably, but then I always promise Marceen something. She's one of those kinds of people who lives from one promise to the next. Believe me, man, it's okay, but when I first met her, she made me promise to buy her a car. What did you? On my pay? Be serious, man. How about another round? Waitress! The room held several sears-brass-plated lamps. One switched on. The fine-plated antique satin shade illuminated the furniture softly. Another lamp turned on. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. The patio doors blew open. The gloom-brass-plated lamp nearby with its heavy base built for stability did not budge. The room glowed in the brassy elegance that these sears-best lamps command. Create your own hauntingly elegant modes with sears-brass-plated lamps at most larger sears retail stores. Sears National Automotive Sale. Dirt inside your shock absorbers can cause them to fail. Get Sears heavy-duty plus shocks with a self-cleaning wiper ring. On sale now only $7.99 each. You save 20% installation available. And save now on Sears Superguard steel-belted radial tires. Steel-belted strength, smooth ride, radial performance. Supervalues too. Say $40 to $76 on a set of four. Sale ends June 30th at most Sears tire and auto setters. Prices and dates may vary in Alaska and Hawaii. With the concluding act of a weekend pass, peaceful thoughts. My eyes are wide open and I'm staring at a dim light bulb at the end of a black cord. The bulb is naked except for circling balls of nats. The bugs are making me dizzy with their motions. And with my eyes closed I feel dizzier still. Great. Fantastic. Nothing like life inside of Miragor round. I practice opening and closing my eyes slowly to see whether I can create some order out of what's happening. I can't remember whether or not I'm sitting or standing or riding or what. I managed to figure it out. After a few minutes of hard calculation that I must be sprawled on my back or else I wouldn't be able to look up. Wonderful. Now things are beginning to fit. If I'm looking up, then my feet must be stretched out in front of me somewhere. Yes, sure enough. There they are. Propped up against the door. Honey. The rest of us girls, what's going on here? Oh, sitting on the floor in the ladies' room of some kind of semi-private club that no one but steel and the members could know anything about. It comes back to ossified. Coming into a pleasantly scented room with little carpeting on the floor, I decided to take a little siesta. I'll be. I was really going down here. Boom, sleeping in the lightest room. Oh, excuse me ladies. I'm sorry. Hey, where you been man? I've been looking all over for you. Oh, I needed a breath of fresh air. I took a little walk. I was just wondering thought maybe you had flaked out on me. No, no, no. I'm not me. Hey, what time is it getting to be? What day is it? Well, it's Monday evening, man. And we're going to catch it for being a wall. A wall? Monday? I mean, what happened to Saturday night? Sunday. I mean, what happened to Sunday? To be certain, a lot of us have had the urge to get rid of some days, especially the kind that starts off badly and gets progressively worse. But what happens when you realize that you have lost a whole day when you're on a bus going back to camp? I still wasn't exactly sure, but he felt pretty certain that we'd gone to an Elks Club dance on Saturday night or an illegal cock fight in the country or a raffle. The lucky number is something still ain't got. Or all three. And a church picnic on Sunday polished off by 12-hour nap on the shore of Clark Lake, stuffed with ham, macaroni salad, baked beans, coleslaw, barbecue ribs, spinach and collards, and wedges of peach cobbler. That late bus back to camp bouncing my insides around made me feel slightly seasick. It doesn't matter how late we get back. We'll probably be shot at dawn anyway. This is no joking matter, Steele. You know the captain's really been cracking down on people for being a wall. I know, man. I know. Here, have a little taste of white light in it. Make the bullets hurt less. White what? White lightening. It's guaranteed to cure or kill whatever is including fear of punishment for being a wall. Steele, you are positively absolutely unreal. Attention Private First Class Smith. A report has been placed on my desk concerning you. The report says and I quote, Private First Class Smith attached to the 52nd Civil Affairs Unit of the United States Army and one of the best equipped and disciplined, I might add. Willfully and with malice a forethought absented himself from his unit without official leave on this Monday pass 30 June 1964 to be exact unless official language Private Smith you are guilty of stealing yourself on government time. The penalties for theft of government issue, GI, are as follows. For each minute stolen you are to forth at one day's pay. For each hour stolen you are ordered to stand guard duty for an equivalent day and for the whole day you must be the ultimate penalty. Oh, no, no. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it with my own eyes. Smith, are you actually awake for change? You mean I won't have to blast my little video whistling your ears usual? I woke up a little earlier than usual and couldn't sleep. It would be great if you had insomnia all the time and it saved longs. Get a move on. Captain Ham ain't got time to wait for slug it. Well needless to say I tried to take what used to be called a low profile. Stumb again, chest out, shoulders back. By the time we had finished morning police call, attended a compulsory class on military justice and reviewed the procedures for coming field exercise, I was beginning to feel absolutely paranoid. I decided to skip afternoon child because I had to find my buddy Steele. Whoa, where you rushing to, old B? Jack, you seen Steele? I saw him rushing over to the PX about ten minutes ago. What are you guys running around like maniacs for? I don't know why he's running around but I'm running around to find him to find out why I haven't been put on report for being AWOL Monday. Oh, that. Well, what's so funny? Nothing really. Don't sweat the AWOL bit. I have CQ Monday so I marked you down hospital, acute intestinal disturbance. Are you okay, old B? Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay now. Well, never mind. Thanks, Jack. I appreciate the paper. No big thing. What did you guys do in town? Must have been pretty interesting to hold you over for a day. Oh, we had a couple of drinks, you know, the usual things. Where have you been all day? I've been looking all over for you. I've been... I've been going through post-clearance procedure. No, wait a minute. Slow down. What are you talking about? What kind of punishment did you get for Monday? Hey, let's start there. Jack covered for me. What about you? Monday? They were... no problem. I have to teach the captain's wife how to make quiche by ear before I leave. Uh-huh. But what's this clearance procedure stuff? You're leaving? I'm going home, man. I'm going home. I got a two-week leave on account of my orders to ship out to Vietnam. Vietnam? Yeah! Listen, we're going to meet down at the club at six o'clock for a little bump-in to celebrate with departure. Are you coming? Yeah, Steele, yeah. Yeah, I'll be there. You already celebrate that? Smith survived another ferocious round of bump-in to once again celebrate Conroy Raphael Steele's new assignment. Steele survived Vietnam, returned to the Virgin Islands, and opened a very popular and very good restaurant called La Chateau Steele. He asked you to drop in and have a drop on the house. Control. Be cool. Be natural. Take it light. But where do I start? With the basics, like the new pretty natural light shaper from Sears, the pretty natural light helps keep you smooth all day under your clothes, giving you a shape that's soft and natural thanks to the shimmery, lightweight power net never intimidates you because its control is moderate, with a front panel that helps keep your tummy where you want it. Great! I'll ease into control with a pretty natural light. It's new at larger Sears retail stores. The words out and spreading fast about the jeans from Sears Men's store that grow beautifully It's a sure sign they're feeling fine and feeling good For the denim that keeps going strong a long time Get them trim cut, regular cut even get them free washed The jeans that grow beautifully. Now, at most retail stores When is a window more than a window? When it's decorated with elegant spindrift semi-shear panel curtains from Sears. Sears spindrift semi-shears are so natural looking. The fabric is full bodied, the pattern texture is soft and subtle. I had to choose curtains for my new house. Spindrift semi-shears come in so many colors and can be used to create so many styles They're easy to care for. Machine wash and tumble dry. That's nice. Make your windows more than just windows with spindrift semi-shear curtains in the drapery department at larger Sears retail stores Sears Radio Theatre has been brought to you by Sears Robuck and Company where our policy is satisfaction guaranteed or your money back Sears where America shops for value A Weekend Pass was written by Odie Hawkins produced and directed by Fletcher Markle. Your host was Andy Griffith Our stars were Brock Peters and Robert Dokey Featured in the cast were Robin Braxton, Jack Krushen Nick Latour, Peggy Weber Barney Phillips, Helen Martin and Jim Mapp The music for Sears Radio Theatre was composed and conducted by Nelson Riddle. This is Art Gilmore speaking. The Elliott Lewis production of Sears Radio Theatre is a presentation of CVI Do you know how many books written today have titles that start with the words how to? Sure. How to lose weight, how to make a fortune win new friends and on and on. Well, how about one that tells how to safeguard your children's eyesight through early and regular examinations? How to protect your family's eyes against injury in sports, at work, in school and at home through the use of protective eyewear how to guard against glaucoma through more frequent eye exams after age 35. And how cataracts can be successfully corrected by surgery? The National Society to Prevent Blindness says that knowledge of how to guard against blindness is something every family should be informed about because after all, half of all blindness can be prevented. How to find out more about the preventable side of blindness? Right. Prevent blindness, 79 Madison Avenue, New York, New York 10016 They wrote the book. That's Prevent Blindness 79 Madison Avenue, New York New York 10016 Who are those people in the uniforms over there? Oh, that's the Salvation Army. Oh, sure. I've heard of the Salvation Army before. Everybody knows them. Yeah, they're noted for helping people. You know my father once told me that the Salvation Army operated service units during World War II for our armed forces. He never forgot them for that. They were really helpful. I wonder if they helped people in other ways? I'm sure they do. Let's ask them. Excuse me, sir. What are some of the services available at the Salvation Army? Well, throughout America, the Salvation Army operates daycare centers, adult rehabilitation centers for alcoholics, summer camps for kids, even senior citizen clubs and programs. Oh, the list goes on and on. Well, thanks a lot for your time. I appreciate it. The pleasure's mine. Have a nice day. Gee, I had no idea the Salvation Army provided all those services for people. The Salvation Army cares about you. If you need help with a problem or can help, call your local Salvation Army today. Here's Radio Theater will be a mystery with Vincent Price as your host. Let's listen. Nobody's seen hiding a hair of Beauregard Henshaw. You two know it. Now, Mr. Henshaw. You think we're hiding them here in the farm? You want to search like you did before? You didn't find them here then and you won't find them here now. So be sure and tune in tomorrow to Sears Radio Theater on WNW MetroMedia Radio New York.