 You may not know this but roughly about a third of the coaching calls I have with clients Centers around men who are not very serious about being in a relationship with them and we spend time Analyzing that so I wanted to dive into some of the signs You can tell early on if he's not serious about you now. I want to read to you a meme I think I've shared this before but just in case I didn't I think it's really important to dive into this meme And it simply says it's a quote that says I Know longer want to see where it goes. I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me Better yet on taking us. I'm gonna repeat that forever and I no longer want to see where it goes I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me taking us Have you noticed that it seems like most men these days when it comes to dating mating relating particularly in midlife Have no real plan on where this relationship is going In other words, they invest time with you. They love bomb you. They tell you how wonderful. They are you are they impressed you They do all kinds of things to convince you to be physically intimate with them and they might Temporarily engage in a relationship with you. They enjoy the occasional companionship They enjoy the occasional connection and certainly they enjoy the occasional sex and why I say occasional It's you're not living with each other. So it's not on a daily basis it's on a sparse basis and It's no wonder we find ourselves in situation today because the vast majority of people in the dating marketplace these days are in What's known as casual? Relationships that's right casual relationships. What's a casual relationship versus a serious relationship? Well a casual relationship is oftentimes a lack of Intentionality or a lack of direction That's right a lack of intentionality a lack of direction. It's enjoying each other for your company Let's just focus on having a good time. Let's take it slow I don't want to put any labels on it But I certainly enjoy the benefits of having regular sex with you or sex whenever we get together See they might whine and dine you a little bit. They might impress you a little bit But if they're acting in the ways I'm about to describe these are good signs or strong signs That he's just not capable of a serious relationship with you or most likely anyone else now Why does this happen? Well, it's because we're living in a dysfunctional world When I talk about dysfunction the reality is as most people as they age their childhood wounds and traumas begin to bubble up from the surface and Not only their childhood wounds and traumas their adult traumas That makes it very difficult for them to have the emotional maturity and certainly many people don't have the Relationship skills to actually lean into a healthy happy relationship So this is why they want seek Temporary connection with someone because they're not capable of going much deeper Now certainly there are plenty of men out there that are capable of going deeper I want you to know I call these men the growers and the builders and the reason why they're grown They want to grow in a relationship with you. They want to build a relationship with you These are what I call grower and builders now a significant percentage of men are what I call users These are the love bombers. These are the people that come on strong and then disappear These are the players the users are only in it for their benefit and then sadly Probably 60 percent of the population is what I call spenders. They enjoy spending time with you But they're incapable of actually any real serious commitment. This is true for women as much as it is men While women tend to have a propensity to want commitment more so than men Men this is true for women as well a lot of women have a void at love attachment style And if you're not familiar with love attachment style highly recommend checking out the book Attached by a mere Levine and Rachel Heller I highly recommend checking out this book You know a significant percentage of women and men are known as avoidant love attachment style In other words, they are fearful of love and yet deep down inside of them. They want love and for many women as well as men they have weak emotional maturity weak relationship skills and They have a difficulty Expressing themselves from an emotional perspective. I call these people emotionally constipated doesn't mean that they're emotionally unavailable They just have difficulty expressing their emotions because there's a deep-seated fear Around giving too much because they feel as though if they give they're going to lose So it's no wonder we are suffering today in such a variety of ways Now what's the antidote for all of this folks? Many of you women have what's known as a broken picker a broken picker What that means is You've been indoctrinated into the belief that chemistry equals relationship success and dating is all about having a good time Let's focus on having a good time. Let's just have a good time because that's what dating is all about I'm here to share with you Dating is a vetting process to decide if you want to be in relationship with someone Many of you as I said earlier have a broken picker for a variety of different reasons You might have an unhealthy love attachment style. You might have what's known as the amago and that's I am a GO This is discussed in the book by Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt The book is called getting the love you want I Highly recommend write this down amago. I am a GO by the way all the books I recommend are in the links below in the description under Jonathan recommend books. Why am I bringing this up? We oftentimes are highly attractive to Some part of us that needs healing Senator centered around what we experienced in childhood Maybe you had an emotionally unavailable father. Maybe you had a father that abandoned you Maybe you have a contentious relationship with your mother Maybe your mother was a very difficult person because of these reasons We oftentimes find ourselves attracted to people that are like one or both of our parents Because the little kid inside of us wants to heal that relationship We are so magnetically drawn like a mirror That's where the amago comes from it's like a mirror that we literally are drawn to them like a moth to the flame And then we find ourselves in unhappy relationships and what we do worse is we double down Why we believe is we give this person more and more love if we just give them more love. They'll love us back Sadly Self-respect is so lacking in today's world. In fact, I wrote about it in my book What the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work again? Link below to get a copy of my book See when we actually invest in our own well-being when we act and by the way self-love is our self-worth Our self-esteem our self-confidence our self-reliance our self-respect. It's our sovereignty that allows us to attract a healthy happy partner and yet like I said earlier many of you have a broken picker and Today we're gonna help on healing that if you do have a broken picker right here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me To see if working with a coach is right for you and there's a in the description below you can connect with me as well I Help you teach you based on your personality What particular questions you should be asking a guy to determine if he's really right for you So what are some of the signs? He's not serious about you You know I the first and foremost it's the most obvious one of all He refuses to commit or he refuses to define the relationship Let me repeat that he refuses to commit or he refuses to define the relationship Ladies if you've followed my channel, you know, I have a saying Before the penis goes inside the vagina. I highly recommend reading the book Eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. Okay. Why read chapter one Which is all based is which is all about trust and commitment Do you realize many of you are entering into an Interaction with a man. I don't want to call it a relationship an interaction that is highly sparked by sexual chemistry Only to find out that this person doesn't have your best interest at heart What is trust? Trust isn't just about fidelity Trust is does this person have my best interests at heart and I'm here to invite you all To start asking the deeper questions that's designed in this book Before you ever start giving your heart to a man because a man who refuses or defines the relationship What was that meme I read to you earlier? Let me repeat it one more time. I Know longer want to see where it goes. I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me on taking us Here's the meme right there. I no longer want to see where it goes I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me on taking us if he cannot Define the relationship between the two of you if he cannot make a commitment if he can't label you boyfriend and girlfriend If he can't discuss monogamy Exclusivity if he just says I need to take it slow. Let's not put labels on this. That's a good sign He's not serious about you folks. You know my sweetheart right there. There's a picture of her right there Her and I Marie I Knew by this third time we physically were in each other's presence I wanted to explore a significant relationship with her. I declared it I was crystal clear and I had a plan of how to take this particularly in our cases a long-distance Relationship I had a plan. I didn't have the full plan on that third meeting But by the time we had our fifth meeting the plan was being formed In fact, even though we were a long-distance dynamic within the first hundred days We physically were together 4045 days out of a hundred days We spent more time than most people that live around the corner because we talked Continually made plans to be with one another That's a great sign that he wants to be serious with you and if he can't commit or define the relationship It's not a good sign Second sign you don't come first in his life. You are not a priority Now folks, I recognize that when you meet someone new they can't make you a priority Certainly if you have children or they have children that might be a priority in their life Maybe your professional life or their professional life might be a priority. However the minute you start engaging with another human being They have every right to be a priority in your life now Just remember priority isn't necessarily always It's it's not always static in other words your children always a priority your work is always a priority when you're engaging a relationship Every your children are important your work is important your health is important All these are important and your relationship should be equally as important And that sometimes you might have to put your children ahead of your relationship, but only momentarily You might have to put your professional life ahead of your relationship, but only momentarily if someone continually doesn't put you at a sense of importance Equal to the other things in their life, and you don't have a very serious relationship at this point You most likely have a casual relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know number three He's barely interested in your life All your phone calls are very short. They're brief. You might ask how's your day gone? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day, but that might be the extent of his actually getting to know what's going on in your life What's going on in your inner world? You know, it's interesting my sweetheart will spend sometimes hours giving me her inner world now mind you we live together But I hear her inner world and I hear her outer world on a regular basis because I'm genuinely Interested in her well-being if he is not interested in both your inner and outer world And he only is sparingly communicating with you. That's a sign. He's not serious Now here's another sign. He's not serious about you. His friends don't even know about you Maybe his children don't know about you Or his family don't know about you You know folks if you're engaging in a relationship with someone you have every right to Request if you're being physically intimate with someone on a regular basis, you have ever god I just said this you have every right to request the fact that you would even have to request some level of integration into this person's life Already tells you you're behind the eight ball men who are serious about a relationship want to Integrate you into their lives But Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and just let him lead Folks when you sit back in your feminine energy and expect him to lead Let me just tell you something you were giving the job to the wrong person Men are rather clueless to begin with but more importantly when they're acting ambivalent when they lack direction when they lack intentionality They're getting the benefits of the milk without ever having to invest in the cow and please forgive that analogy I like what one of you beautiful youtuber said Jonathan. Why should I give wife? Privileges at girlfriend prices. Why should I give wife privileges at girlfriend prices you at folks? If he's not willing to integrate you in life, then don't allow him to integrate his penis inside your vagina There I said it number five his communication is sporadic with you Basically, these are the guys that reach out to you when they want attention they want connection They want sex but then their communication is sporadic again This kind of leads into they're not genuinely Communicating with you to want to get to know your inner world and your outer world their communication is sporadic and that's a sign He's not very serious about you men who are deliberate and serious and intentional and have a plan They communicate such that you're never second guessing whether or not where this relationship is going number six He avoids sharing his feelings About you or anything in his life. He is folks now I I know you'll hear some dating coaches tell you men only focus on thoughts and not feelings Believe me everything a man does It's not necessarily based on logic. It's about how he feels about thing. If something feels good He'll do it and if something doesn't feel good He won't do it kind of binary for men, but feelings if it brings him joy if it brings him happiness if it brings him content Content does it bring him bliss? Does it bring him a sense of peace? versus Anxiety frustration confusion Now sometimes we do deal with men we might be feeling these things because we don't know how our actions will affect you but the same time Keep in mind that a man who's genuinely serious has no problem expressing how he feels about you And if any man tells you under why otherwise that is just BS that doesn't doesn't mean he has to vomit feelings of fear and anxiety no, but expressing their joys and and focus or at least Making decisions based on their feelings. That's how human beings operate. Yes Sometimes we do things logically, but the the logic is all based on how you're gonna feel about something and Lastly number seven He refuses to talk to you about the future Says things like well, maybe a couple years down the road Five years down the road ten years down the road. We can talk about a serious relationship folks By the way, I've got some good news next month. I'm gonna have rabbi Friedman on the channel This is one of those guys that looks as old as God. Okay? Sharing ancient wisdom when it comes to relationships and I was watching one of his YouTube videos Box about a man knows within 90 days Whether or not he's gonna be serious about you roughly about 90 days I knew in less than 90 days. I wanted to be serious about my sweetheart. I was talking to my chiropractor the other day I said how early did you know, you know, how soon did you know you want to be serious with your now wife? Been married 33 years He goes I knew by the I knew within the first couple weeks. I wanted to be serious You ask any man who's in a healthy happy relationship right now. How soon did he know he wanted to be serious? They will all tell you most likely all tell you the same thing Within the first 90 days. I Officiated a wedding where I'd got a chance to meet Marie He said to me and I quote it was right at the four month mark that I fell in love with her So not quite 90 days It's probably a hundred days in his case We men know very early on and if by 90 days his actions don't demonstrate a progression of the relationship Forward in a serious manner There's a good chance that it's not going to become serious, but Jonathan I'm in a long-distance relationship and we only get to see each other once every 17 years Yeah, many of you that are engaged in these incessant communication Relationships with people whom you're never going to meet That's a great way to avoid The real challenges of a relationship that requires face-to-face communication face-to-face contact face-to-face physicality to actually Navigate and actually build a relationship with someone is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, those are the seven signs. He's not serious about you. I hope you take heed to this I hope you remember that if you want to if you want to experience a healthy happy relationship You have to be at the dry you have to be in the in the driver's seat of your love life Don't sit in the passenger seat. Like I say sit in your feminine energy You are in charge your relation that relationship destiny. Don't live that give that job to a man All right, I think this will be a great place to take questions if you have a question Write the word question and post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker super chat There's a little dollar sign the chat box all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley, that's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away five years ago next week and his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman process it's insight Institute and seeds of love Which is an organization that helps underprivileged children who've been abandoned by their parents To have a terminal disease and this organization provides aid for them and it's in Cali, Colombia And my sweetheart is from Cartagena, Colombia So again purchase a super sticker super chat just like this sweet woman just did I want to give props to Margaret for the four dollar and ninety nine cents super sticker. I really appreciate it All right, let's see what kind of questions we have today. I Thought I saw something early on bear with me everyone Bum-bum-bum All right, let me just keep scrolling here Corny Cobb says What's your print opinion of Chris G Q Perry and thoughts on? Steven speaks Okay, I first off. I don't know Chris G Q Perry. I will definitely check them out. I do check out Steven speaks I love his content He and I agree on probably 97% of what he shares very similar My style is a little bit different than his my age demographic Probably probably is a little bit different than his my my overall demographic both in age But I do believe that he does provide great content. So giving props to Steven speaks. So thanks so much for asking that All right, Kim keep it keeping it real ask Jonathan how long did Marie wait? How long did Marie have you wait before making love with you? By the way, since she's not here to answer that question I'd like that to be private between us But let's just say that by the time we met and she came to visit me Which was shortly after our first couple dates the dates that we had in Chicago And I only did that because they weren't necessarily dates, but they turned into dates Then we were we did connect at an intimate level and and let me just say this folks I'm not here when I talk about the penis and the vagina and all that kind of stuff I'm not here to say that you know that Having sex waiting for sex is any guarantee of relationship success And I'm certainly here to say I know so many people who have been physically intimate on their first second or third date And they have wonderful relationships. I know quite a few couples Here's the thing if you have a propensity to get attached to somebody physically and No trust has been built. It's going to be problematic number one. Okay, thankfully in our relationship We spent about a year connecting with one another so we built a level of no like and trust with one another We weren't total strangers when we met okay when you meet a stranger. It's in by the way in our particular case She came to the wedding that I was officiating so she met many of my friends many of my friends saw her They interacted with her there was a level of trust that was built That I'm almost here to suggest you know what I just I'm gonna go on a side note here I think first dates in the future should all be you go out to a bar or pub You're with your girlfriends there He's with his friends and you connect with one another and you interact But you have the safety of your friends there and you leave with your friends That would be a better first date first meeting if you're meeting a total stranger Then our current system of just meeting someone at a coffee house or at a bar I'm saying go with friends have your friends vet them you vet his friends that sort of thing I think that would be a better way to start a first date. Does anyone agree with me post a comment? Let me know All right, hope that answer your question, but yeah, we were intimate fairly soon, but then again, she was fortunate. I Showed up with a lot of intentionality early on but more importantly I demonstrated emotional maturity and I demonstrated very early on Very early on before we ever met that I was very serious about wanting to explore a relationship with someone I'm not here to play games All right, let's keep going here sunshine writes Is Two months too soon when a guy says he loves you been reading eight dates together spending three days a week together Talking deep with the whole talking deep the whole two months talking about the future together. You know what? I don't love. Okay. Here's the thing Love doesn't have a timeline Okay You can have strong feelings for someone Real love Isn't the good times though real love is Will you wipe the vomit from this person's face if they're going through chemotherapy? That to me is true essence of love Now with Marie. I actually had a concern right after that because she told me she had something called benign tremors Familiar tremors and I thought you know, she might have a Disability or some ailment that might preclude her for having the kind of relationship I wanted so for a moment I second-guessed it And then I sat with this feeling I said I didn't really care about this person I said to myself Even if she has something that could debilitate her I'm willing to go down this this Journey I'm willing to go through with this journey Excuse me to go on this journey with her No matter where it takes us whether it's gonna last a week a month a year or a lifetime I thought to my my instincts told me she was worth it now Remember you got to be careful Two people have to be feeling the same thing. It can't be one-sided. You might feel that way They may not feel that way with you love is when you're both feeling that desire that Better for worse thicker thin sickness and in health Are you willing to go down this journey with them? All right sunshine? I hope that helps Wanda writes Does a love bomber on a dating site send you his number within two days gut feeling tells me he just wants to hook up Should I go with this feeling? The four at the other four have not done this first off I've given my phone number on a first day. Okay, I've had communication with someone via dating site And here's my number that is not a sign of a love bomber a love bomber is someone who professes a lot of Attraction a lot of affinity for you an excessive amount of attraction and affinity Towards you When he barely knows you when it feels overwhelming That's a love bomber now. Sadly many of you are attracted to a love bomber because here in the United States We are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself the love bomber Whether he's conscious of it or not the woman who accepts the love bomber is usually so deficient in the area of self-love That she's susceptible to that and then what's the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again? Expecting different results. I'm here to smack some sense into you all I know I can come off caustic. I can come off bombastic. I can come off yelling But my hope is these are wake-up calls. You know what? If a car is about to crash into you, don't you honk the horn? All right, I'll tone it down right now. Thank you for that question. I really appreciate Hey, there's a guy in the house Jonathan. Thank you for your wisdom Todd. I really appreciate that. It's good to see a guy in the house Question sequel to the first question by the way by the way, we are not having sex. I don't remember the first question I apologize all right Happy hippo You mentioned millionaire match Don't you think men will think that a woman is only looking for a millionaire or a gold digger on that site You know, yes, that is possible now if she portrays herself as a gold digger She most likely has seductive photographs scanty photographs Sexual photographs those are the gold diggers Marie had classy photographs on her profile. I had classy profile Photographs on my profile do yourself a favor what I what I like about Millionaire match it costs $70 a month. It's not cheap You're gonna have to spend a little bit of money People who spend invest a little bit tend to be people more serious not always just tend to be By the way, guys can spot the gold diggers right away But there are plenty of guys that they go on that site for the gold diggers. You know why they go after the gold diggers They're it's cheap to pay. It's you know what? Calling a hooker trying to find a hooker as a pain in the ass You're worried about diseases look at many women will give sex for a good night out on the town Okay, and that's just the reality the way I see it. So yes, they could be on that site They can also be on match.com and other sites. Just remember when you're investing more in the service You're more likely to get someone more serious and that's my perception anyway. Thank you. Happy hippo Michelle G says I love Stephen Speaks. Yes, I agree. You know whom I like I like Matthew Hussie His age demographic isn't the same as mine, you know, I cater more to a midday midlife Age demographic and a divorce demographic Matt Boggs same thing younger demographic, but I like his content Stephen Speaks we just mentioned. Who else do I like? well, then I like a lot of personal development like Lewis house and and Chris Williamson and just to name a few so Oh God who might mark Groves I listened to his podcast. So these are really good people. I highly recommend them And you know each one of us will resonate with you at a different level My style is different than their style my but I'm not but and I believe we're all relatively on the same page of Individual empowerment is what we encourage women and to be aware of the guys who are going to use you That's kind of our main theme. So thank you so much corny cob all right Sherry Lynn says I hate strangers lol we all date family members around here. Actually, that's why I like being single No incest lol. That's cute Gigi says I met a guy who lived 50 miles away. I suggest we go out with a group of friends I was criticized that that's not a first date I was thinking safety of a group and easy out if it didn't go well exactly To be credit what okay right off the bat if someone criticizes that You just dodged the bullet and thankfully you had your friends there along the way You know what actually it was something I recommended about a decade ago when I first began dating coaching. I recommend listen Say hey look, I'm gonna be out with my girlfriend. You can say you're you know, you're talking to a guy Hey, I'm going out with my girlfriends. We're gonna be at such and such place Why don't you you know bring one of your guy friends and we all meet up for a drink? You know no pressure and that way if there's no interest we don't have to carry this forward And if we do then we can plan a date after it. It's just simply a meet and greet Marie used to do that. She'd go out with her girlfriends on Monday night Anyways, that's a suggestion Kim keeping it real says, please don't smack me. I promise I won't Sammy says I love your rants. Thank you Jonathan Okay, let's keep going here Megan is in the house What do I do with these beliefs guys, I'm interested won't be interested in me I'm not capable of creating a good relationship Well, I'm reminded of the story. I or I'm reminded of characters on Winnie the Pooh There was Eeyore and there was Tigger Whoa is me The world is falling apart I'm never gonna meet a man. No man will be interested in me life sucks dating sucks Internet dating sucks Everything sucks sucks sucks and Tigger Tigger would be like this. It's raining great man. It's raining great man. It's raining great man. It's raining great man Folks, I want you to imagine for a moment if I if you were about to get in your car right now And I said to you pay attention to all white Teslas The minute you'd be on the road you say there's a white Tesla. There's a white Tesla. There's a white Tesla There's a white Tesla See if in your mind the white Teslas, there's no good men out there Nobody would be interested to me. No one likes my body. Nobody likes this about me. You will see all of that But if the white Tesla was there's a great guy, there's a great guy, there's a great guy Now I know the challenges you need more role models in your life So I invite everyone to write down a list of ten men you personally know That are good men that are kind men that are generous men That have good character. I Worked with a client one year Financially successful made over a half a million dollars a year and she wanted a man just like her, you know a high High-income man like herself and she got fixed up on a blind date of all things and this blind date He was he had a startup business and it turned out the business failed But you know what this man did and she knew about this before she ever met him He gave a kidney to a total stranger gave a kidney to a total stranger first off Who the fuck does that? Okay, but that tells me something about this person's character and she had they had a very great first date They got they went out for drinks for a second date And they went out for a third date and by the fourth date they began seeing each other on a regular basis That was five years ago and they now live together in San Diego. They actually lived they lived in San Francisco She was a client of mine. I've gone down to her place a couple time great couple You know what he's not rich like like she she's not rich Well, I guess she would be rich by today by our certain standards say but you know what he had character Character matters more so coming back to our belief system Megan White Teslas reigning great men or white Teslas. No one's gonna be interested in me. You choose what you decide to see All right, thanks for that question RC Blake's I forgot to mention him. Yes, I mentioned him in a video the other day I like his content as well a little bit different style than mine goes down different rabbit holes than I do I'm not necessarily in that same venue, but I do respect some if not much of his content I just haven't seen enough. Okay. Thanks so much for asking S1w says no funny my guy didn't honk the car horn when I car almost turned directly into his path We argued because I was like why didn't you honk the horn? Isn't that what that's the horn supposed to do exactly? horns are supposed to announce Danger or something like that or get you to move all right Tweety USA US now says widow here. I'm clueless about things Yeah, by the way, if you've been out of the dating marketplace for a while. It's a whole different ballgame I understand how confused you might be That's why I hope you get value out of following my channel GG wants to say thank you For all the advice it has helped me with all my relationships neighbors strangers seem to be drawn to me My life has improved greatly when I meet the guy I will be ready and you better let me know when you met the guy and give me some props for helping you along the way Yes, that was egotistical on my part. I'm just having fun right now all right Lisa's laughing her ass off. That's good to hear. Wow. That's amazing. I'm not even an organ donor You know what I just changed my license to be organ donor, but I got some old organs So I hope I hope I don't have to give them out All right, Zen gal writes My guy is crazy about me. I'm the cautious one thought he wants to marry or move on I'm happy. Just dating. We are eight months in You know to me one year in a relationship is the point of time where you say let's shit or get off the pot Either you're growing to build something together Or you're just spending time with one another if nothing else, you know, I haven't listen folks You've you've heard me talk about marriage before and let me just share something Recently I had a conversation with a friend of mine and I and then by the way This is a couple who've been married for 10 years and when I actually sat with them I found out they weren't actually legally married They had a spiritual marriage and I was like you guys aren't legally married said. Yeah, and he said to me Or they said to me both both of them I don't want to have an agreement with the government. I don't want to have a contract with the government I don't want the government to decide how my life should be And I sat with that and occurred to me You know what when I was going through a divorce and she and I went to family court There was a person in front of us making decisions about my life making decisions about When I get to see my children and I didn't like being in that type of position I didn't like the government telling me what to do and So when I sat with that and these two have been married for for 10 years They've lived together for nine of those or they've been married for 10 years living together for I believe 11 years Or right about that time now they've been spiritually married not a legal certificate and I thought to myself You know what I feel the same way You know the fact that Marie and I live together is is by the way by old and standards by standards You know that goes back throughout history that is was marriage was all about is you just live together and that was married So in essence we share a name on the lease we take turns buying groceries We're both you know We take turns treating each other for different things and so I feel as though we're literally married in the sense And yes, could we abandon this relationship at any time? Yeah, but you know what married people abandon relationships all the time and maybe there's a sense of appreciation And or at least not taking it for granted when it's a conscious choice every day That's just a perception I have I can't say that with an absolute certainty, but what I will say is Marriage is not necessarily the panacea given that we have a dysfunctional System of what happens when two people end a relationship. It's just a thought folks I'd like to hear your thoughts on that. Please post a comment below on what I just shared All right, by the way if you need if you're liking this content, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell and in the description below are all the ways You can connect with me Schedule a discovery call with me check out my group called midlife love mastery and my books recommendations are all listed below All right, let's keep going. I'm in a good mood here What this is sunshine? 2023 what is the best book to help with emotional maturity? And I'm gonna give you a series of books the first one. I'm gonna recommend first off The Hoffman process the Hoffman process This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that prepare you to be more Emotionally mature now, of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't throw my book in there What the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self up in spiritual work. There's another book I recommend how to be a fucking adult in relationships. That's right How to be a fucking adult in relationships now you notice it doesn't say fucking in there This is by David Rico how to be an adult in relationship You know, we have a lot of children who are in relationships today We've got a bunch of emotional six-year-olds men and women alike women. You are no picnic either You guys have duct tape over your mouth when it comes to expressing yourself and you blame the men for not being mind readers How to be an adult in relationship the Hoffman process. Let's see if I can find one more book Oh and of course The seven principles for making take out the word relation of marriage and put in the word Relationships seven principles for making a relationship work great book. These are great books that will change your life. You know Listen everybody As of this moment today, what's the date today? We are in summertime. We're almost at the Halfway point of the year Okay Within one year from today if you spent an hour a day investing in your personal development Self-help spiritual work if you read a book for 15 minutes a day If you listen to a podcast of at least 15 to 20 minutes a day If you go to a workshop once a month some personal development self-help and spiritual workshop if you do if you invest in your health If you go exercise simply by going to walk for 20 minutes each day You will begin to change your life in such a way that a year from today you be surprised Particularly if you do this inner work how you become a magnetic attractor and it particularly changing your mindset Those white tesla's I was talking about it's raining great man. It's raining great man It's raining. You will become an unmagnetic attractor Or you can be er Life sucks Dating sucks internet dating sucks all dating sites suck everything sucks everything sucks You know, we are fucking suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. It's no wonder It's such a dysfunctional dating marketplace. And by the way, I am guilty of it too. I've been pessimistic I've been e or at times, but I do my best to try to be tigger Than e or is this sinking in I hope so Ah Cassandra says you earned it jonathan by the way folks, please purchase a super stick or super chat I'd like to donate some money to the connor asley scholarship fund sammie writes jonathan I've asked my friends with benefits of three months. Where is this going and we decided to be friends only I feel relieved next I'm proud of myself Hey, we all listen. I've had multiple friends with benefits in my life. I've been very upfront It's all it is If you want to have sex with me, I want to have sex with you But I'm not going to explore a relationship with you and I'm not even going to tell you why It's their choice. Okay And um, and we were very well aware of it and those kind of fizzled out like most friends with benefits do fizzle out. Okay Ah charlene says your advice is always awesome. Thank you so much Jonathan have you watched miss phase world? Um, if she's the black gal the older black gal Yes, I have seen her. I don't necessarily agree with all that she says, but yes, I have seen her if that's the one Brian says one year. Thank you. Yes in one year. You should know That's what my mom and dad told my mom told my dad poop or get off the pot shit or get off the pot exactly Most men know within 90 days if it's someone they want to be serious with and within one year You've spent four seasons together Go back and watch my video the four stages men go through to get through commitment It's called forming Storming norming and transforming or performing. Okay By the way, that all can happen in one season roughly now That doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to get married But at the one-year mark, this is the shit or get off the pot if this isn't something you want to commit to If you want to take it slow, I got to take it slow I need to take it slow Then guess what go find another vagina to go slow with I like a man who has a direction By the way, folks, how did I start this broadcast? Let me read it to you one more time I no longer want to know. I'll just read it. Can you see it? Okay, I no longer want to see where it goes I want to know exactly where you plan on taking me on taking us if you don't have a plan Go talk to some other gal that's willing to be used that homie ain't going to play that game I Gray says in my 20s. I watched this channel. Good to hear Kim says smack that like button everybody smack that like button right now All right Ah, let's keep going Kathleen says I just completed completely and a relationship with my ex. We were married 17 years in divorce 22 years I allowed him to waste 22 years of my life Thinking he wanted to rekindle what we had Okay, bravo. Good for you Thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it zen gal says I am triggered. I'm sorry. I triggered you by the way folks These are just words If words trigger you if you're if humid and by the way, I'm joking zen gal But if our if our psyche is so fucking frail that a word triggers you to go down a rabbit hole of despair Sticks and stones will break your bones But names won't hurt you only an individual that allows themselves to get hurt now That doesn't mean I'm I'm not suggesting there isn't genuine verbal abuse out there That's certainly that can be very toxic But when I'm speaking on a bully pulpit just talking about stuff in this manner if anyone gets triggered by it Work on your shit. Okay Anyways, that's my two cents on that. By the way, zen gal. I know you weren't triggered. So Uh, kassandra just gave us a $15 super sticker great advice always. Thank you so much I'm so excited. We're gonna be donating some money and sunshine is in the house and says, thank you Jonathan you rock. Wow. I'm really excited. I'd love to donate. Okay, listen today's goal. We're already at roughly $30. I want to get to a hundred dollars I want to be able to write a check this week to seeds of love, which is an organization that helps Children who've been abandoned by their parents For having a terminal disease I'd love to be able to write a check tonight for a hundred dollars hit that light hit that little dollar sign Let's donate tonight to to the seeds of love Zen gal Tigger not trigger. Oh my god. So folks, I'm a little dyslexic. I'm a little bit I have a habit of rushing when I read Um, I struggled with reading my entire life. It was really hard. That's why I do more audio Even though I have the hard copy books here. I do a lot more audiobooks um But I I have a propensity to not read Completely it's it's something I struggle with it's something I rather it's like I'm embarrassed. I made this simple faux pas I'm laughing at myself at the same time because I I know you guys appreciate me and know that But tigger not trigger, but then I did get to have a fun rant about people who get triggered. So thank you so much uh Tweety u.s. News says this channel will keep me focused on having intentionality purposeful relationships apps are fucking Lutely, that's what I want for you All right. Do we have any other good content here? Kathleen says if you have no plan then leave his ass exact. Yes. No plan then leave his ass exactly Um, all right. We have a couple and gal wants to give me some props. I do the same thing Jonathan hugs Simply sky blue Have you known any men that have taken a friends with benefit and turned it into a relationship? My friend is hanging on to this guy for dear life waiting on him Okay There are different forms of friends with benefits now The idea is that you actually have a friendship. Okay a genuine friendship. Let me just say this ladies You may not like what i'm about to say is But a lot of friends with benefits is just another way of saying you're just my fuck buddy That's right. You're just my fuck buddy a friend with now A lot of times you can be friendly with a fuck buddy Real friends with benefits is they actually have some level of friendship together and they have sexual chemistry with one another Now this is where you have to assess this person's life And you assess your life and if there is a convergence of shared values blendable lifestyle and emotional maturity Then the question is What's precluding the two of you from taking it serious if he's not capable of a serious relationship All the magic fairy dust in the world isn't going to change this ladies you guys Are like have this delusion that magic fairy by the way guys do this too guys Will be put into the friend zone They'll be put in the friend zone and they just bend over backwards. Does anyone see my uh, what's it called? My best friend's girlfriend. What was the one with dane cook and the guy that was an american pie and um Oh, yeah, and uh, who's uh, who's uh goldie hawn's daughter kate hudson those three people. I can't remember. Oh, um Also alex baldoin was in it. I think it's my best friend's girlfriend or something like it could have been a different movie in title Jason bigs. I think that's who was he was just he you know, he was in the friend zone and he would do everything They weren't even having sex, but he was doing everything to convince her to get him out of the friend zone ladies If he doesn't if if the two of you have shared values blendable lifestyles great sexual chemistry or emotional maturity Then the question is why aren't you in a relationship? And the probability is he's just incapable of it and all the effort you make isn't going to change that for him Is this sinking in god? I hope so Sky blue. Thank you for that Gina How does a woman in her 60s gain the courage to ask a guy out real simple Can I take you out for a drink someone write this down? Can I take you out for a drink? Can I take you out for a drink? Can I take you out for a drink? Can I take you out for a drink? Can I take you out for a drink? That's how you ask can I take you out for a drink? You make the effort and what happens next is you see how he responds He goes I'd love to go out for a drink with you and by the way, he'll most likely 80% of the time pick up the tab So just by making the offer folks. There's Marie right there She was in Chicago. I'm in Los Angeles. She wrote me first I didn't know she existed. She was doing a search all across the country. I happened to pop up She loved what my essay said. She simply said I'd like to talk to you A year later. Look where we're at today. So Gina I'd like to take you out. That's all you have to say How do you get the courage? Just get the fucking courage. Listen We are rewarded for our boldness We have mediocre lives when we're not willing to go outside of our comfort zone Look, I When the proudest moments in my life Is when my son Connor who passed away actually both my boys Colin and Connor said dad, we are so proud of you You started with nothing. You my children were just young boys You started with nothing and you built a very successful business Now you have this youtube channel where you've gotten all these people to come on and watch you You give us you are a role model to us. They literally said that to me It took courage all my male all my friends at that time of my life thought I was nuts I was insane to do this business. Who am I to do this business? It takes courage First you just have to have the just the I the idea of doing it And sometimes we just got to press through the difficult It's like jumping out of an airplane once you're there He got nowhere else to go, but make sure you help in that parachute So my invitation for you is just do it just like nike says is this sinking in hope so All right Hey, I want to give jeana. Thank you so much for the 19 dollars and 99 cents. We got 50 dollars. We got 50 dollars 50 50 dollars wait five oh dollars to go I'd love to donate a hundred dollars tonight to that connor asley scholarship fund to To The seeds of love. Thank you so much for that Kathleen says jonathan. I wish more men were like you you tell it like it is don't sugarcoat Actually, my circle of male friends are all very much likely like me. They do exist. They exist in abundance It's raining great men. It's raining great men. It's raining great men I Used to think jason biggs was cute I don't know anymore. I don't watch any movies. He's on Nessie says how to find out if he's serious walk away. Does he chase you or let you go? I just did a video the other day called the power of walking away I highly recommend you checking out that video. Marie and I were on it and by the way When you walk away, you might temporarily return Ain't gonna be there for long term A man knows he's serious within the first 90 days. He knows whether or not serious after that You're rolling the dice Mary says can I take you out for a drink? That's exactly it um Simply sky blue says I have no patience to wait. I don't either Uh genie says you can You can if you may may I take you out for a drink handsome even better? Okay add the word handsome By the way, use this acronym nice n i c e n i c e first use his name in a sentence jonathan The i stands for inquisitive. Can I take you out for a drink? The e stands for compliment. You're handsome and the e stands for energy or emoji Give them a no, that's if you're texting But if it's in person give them a big gigantic hug jonathan, I'd like to take you out for a drink or jonathan you're handsome I'd like to take you out for a drink nice n i c e uh All right Brian says my fiance asked me out to shoot pulling a drink. It felt great and she asked me out See ladies you'd be surprised. You know, I know I'd say I know so many women who are in happy relationships. They made the first move But jonathan i'm just supposed to sit back at my energy and let men pay for everything and do everything because it's a man's job To do that and i'm emasculating him if I just walked up to him and said Would you like to go out for a drink his penis is going to shrivel up and shrink? See this is the asinine things you guys are listening to and no wonder we have a dysfunctional Dating marketplace out there folks you can simply oh my god camera chill zen You can simply ask a man out It's not emasculating him. His penis won't shrivel up and guess what? We actually our peacock feathers start to rise When you've actually made effort because it lets us know you like us men by the way The face that sailed or that launched a thousand ships we men will do all kinds of crazy things when we know you like us However He's got to be he can't be using you. It's not it's got to be a balance like you like him He likes you okay if it's imbalanced all the liking of the world isn't going to get him to your level Is this sinking in I hope so ah Mary says I asked him to have coffee with me coffee's good too All right, let's see. Where else we got here All right, this our last chance to donate to the conor assi scholarship fund uh, let's see Okay, mary. I told this guy I have something for you. I gave him my number now. It's up to him to call. Okay good All right, folks, it's getting to the top of the hour. I think this would be a great place to wrap up today You are a fun group today. Thank you so much for allowing me to enter your life I hope you hit that like button. I hope you share this video. I hope you subscribe to my channel tell your friends Hit the subscribe button Brian, thank you for that. I appreciate it By the way, if you need to connect with me check out the link below to a schedule a discovery call with me To follow me on my group called midlife love mastery schedule a discovery call is right there as well Also, you can check out all the books. I recommend including my book in the description below under jonathan recommends books All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video And i'm going to do it as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to give a little props to zen gal for the four dollar nine nine cents super sticker We got 55 dollars to donate tonight. Thank you so much bryan's in the house lisa's in the house sherry l n l y n is in the house zen bryan already said that mary miss ashley sunshine genie simply blew flowers Uh, let's keep going Uh gg kathleen SW1 also, we just got another two dollar super sticker. Thank you so much another five dollar super sticker already We're already up to 57 dollars tonight. Isn't this awesome. Let's keep it going. I want to donate a hundred dollars Come on. Don't be bashful. It's for a good cause We're already at 57 dollars way to go. No actually Ba ba ba ba 55 50 57 dollars All right, i'm gonna let you off the hook. This was great fun. Thank you for allowing me To enter your life. I hope I make a difference. I please I hope I do and if I am please tell your friends About my channel. Hey genie just donated five dollars. We're now at 63 dollars. Yay And zen gal says be sure and like the live Thank you so much as soon as you log off make sure you hit the like button the like button Kathleen just gave us a five. Oh, wow. We are rocking and rolling. All right natty 50 dollars We made it to over a hundred. We are going to be donating uh to the seeds of love By your generosity tonight. I just want to thank everyone for helping us get there tonight This has been a lot of fun. Uh, really big props to you natty gnats Crafts, thank you so much and everybody else big or small. This was a lot of fun and I hope you found value in this uh, really, uh genie says I did initiate contact with my second husband on a dating website 18 years ago. That was the last time We'll do it again. Who knows what will happen? All right, this has been fun. Kathleen just says, uh, jonathan happy. Thank you. Happy fourth you know, sadly, july 3rd is a It's going to be a tough day for me Connor passed away five years ago. I can't believe it's been five years It's just so hard to believe how It just feels like yesterday that I lost my son And thankfully I'm in a good place. Thankfully a lot of love from people throughout the years Connor's nickname is salty and I get so much salty love from you all Um, and I'm really grateful for the support you give to the channel to donating to the connor asley scholarship fund or connor asley Charity fund if you will It allows me to donate the monies that we're doing today It's just my way of saying thank you for all of your love and support And so by telling more friends if you're watching if you got this far and you're watching the replay hit the super Thanks button. I'd really be grateful All right, I'm going to wrap up today. Thanks a bunch giving you all a big gigantic jonathan bear hug. Be well. Bye now