 So when we look at hypergamy these are some of the things we can look at but make no doubt about it if you ignore that It isn't going to last no amount of wealth fame or power is going to be able to do it Robert Pattison is actually a running example here You have a rich wealthy successful famous man loses a woman because she acted on sexual impulse He wasn't providing it doesn't make it right doesn't make it fair, but this is what happens people get bored their sentation They they're just not happy She acted out ruined a relationship all right as We move on from the base core elements of those three of working on yourself developing yourself Screening and filtering your partner and then working on the the role of biology as being a critical component of relationship We actually need to develop the vertical structure of of our Relationships and these are going to have to be strung with to stand the cultural loads that we place on them And the dynamic loads place within them the the relationship itself and the primary of these are going to be three There will be three of them the relationship skills that we develop the management skills that we develop within the relationship and Ultimately the maintenance skills that we develop within a relationship most men are not taught any of them But we're they're all going to be familiar none of these are going to be original all right when we talk relationship skills You're going to want to take a self-assessment You're going to want to look at what you're going to be able to look at and where you're at You kind of know where you're at already look at your aptitudes. What are your studying and behavioral patterns like correcting those? All right, then actually do an assessment of how is you're interacting with other people? What is your sociabilitic? Are you consciously of where I would like to do one thing, but I'm not actually implementing? The third is actually going to be self-educating yourself Physically educating yourself based on what you know is available if you want to actually be more empathetic And you want to learn to you know imply active listening Actually looking and researching and documenting active listening skills Finding those particular skills you want to learn about Document them having a separate directory in your computer noting and journaling Taking a daily approach to utilizing those skills and recording your experiences of it what you did well what you didn't do Well self-regulate All right, the last one on that is going to be taking a relationship Autopsy and this is when you actually looked at failed relationship because failed relationships are an inflection point when your skills at that time We're not sufficient enough to to command a Healthy relationship Where you had problems where you failed? underscored your lack of ability Actively looking back at and reflecting upon those what decisions were made because they were laced with value Tells you a tremendous amount not only about yourself, but your skills and where you're at and what you could be working on Analyzing those is self-educating is what you're going to have to do We don't typically have coursework on this men are not taught that so you have to self-educate You have to relate with other men All right When we move on to management and again management is nothing more than an organized approach of people Resources relationships any number of things to have a desired objective going into a relationship It is fundamental to know what is your objective? Ultimately, if you don't have a relationship objective do not commit to one Why are you committing to one if you don't have an objective? Most likely it's going to be because of dependency need you're exchanging sex for commitment And you're not strong enough willed as an individual to stand on your own and live on your own in an autonomous way And that is underlined a weak psychological structure You're a weak individual we need to be far apart ourselves. We need to be willing to really differentiate We really need to look and say no We're not willing to exchange it women are the gatekeepers of sex men are the gatekeepers of commitment start controlling that gate Another part of relationships management is opening the lines of communication early and it's good It's not just communication is going to be communication in the critical realms of what does it mean to be in a committed relationship? What does it mean to be? You know your sexual involvement your intimacy level finances Friends both mutual and shared all the Common relationship elements are going to be there. All right, and we're going to need to be looking at those as well And there are a tremendous number of other drivers. We need to evaluate and discuss openly All right, and we and we need to take a healthy approach to this Unfortunately, I've run a little bit long on it The last thing I want to talk about is we need to be able to protect ourselves as men I'm going to jump way ahead of my talk In part part of this is if we're looking at marriage We need to look and realize that marriage as an institution is primarily an economic one and Based on that we need to have an economic response to it not a moral not a not a cultural one part of that is preparing yourself for it Absolutely without a doubt. All right, the critics and pundits will sit down and say marriage or is for the poor Marriage is for men who can't afford the rent Men marriage is for men who can't afford the the mortgage men is our marriage is for men Who need to share the financial burden of housekeeping? All right, marriage is for people who can't afford Retirement benefits or insurance benefits or or child-rearing capabilities men that can't afford either through cost or by intellectual decree the ability to outsource the wealthy do For cause based on all that and I don't necessarily agree with it But there there's a strong argument for we need to protect ourselves The first is going to be a prenup your old agreement is going to be a must Absolute must if you're going to protect yourself and it's not just a security thing It's framing a discussion of relationship The problem with prenups is the fact that it only directs towards Assets and property division and spousal support under no circumstances Does it involve children or child custody because it's up to at the time the child's best interest You cannot have a legal element and family law governing that not only that Lawyers and and primarily judges are actually plain loose with some of the standards and actually waiving some of that off based on outlandish lifestyle Agreements the second thing I would entertain would be something that we're not seeing today is that we actually formulate a Partnership agreement a legal structural element that you would see in case civil law of why you're being in the relationship What's the point of this merit if it's child-rearing family development state? So what what are your obligations? What are the things you're going to be able to do? What are the things that you're providing and why treat it as such for example when we look at alimony does it make sense that? It's a two-for-one relationship as far as payment goes for every two days. You're with her. She gets a paid Paid paid alimony so you imagine going to an employer working five years with for an employer and getting two and a half Year severance pay that doesn't happen out in the economy, but it happens in family law All right setting the tone in against a economic standard would dramatically transform them All right, the third one is I would look at putting incentives back into the marriage All right, and these are going to be kind of subtle ones I would sit down and say so self-perform marriage insurance where you both mutually add into the marriage Based on a certain amount to actually augment the insurance on on the damages are included This the second one is under civil law have civil penalties assigned to breaches of failure We do it. We do it in in business models We should do it there that would upsert that the family law elements and this is goes for either sex It needs to be mutual mutual compatible. I'm not just talking from a man's side The third one which I find entertaining as hell is actually put out of a co-signing parental performance bond is Her friends and family particularly family willing to co-sign The marriage agreement Willing to put good money up not as a dowry, but as a risk people are willing to put up make Cosign car loans for the child cosign mortgages for a loan, but we don't cosign marriages Why yet the first time the marriage is in trouble when there's conflict what happens? The social support network is saying get out of that marriage take the kids to get the money and get out