 Hello folks what I'm experiencing right now wasn't part of the things I expected prior to the decision to accept Islam. It might surprise you that I thought accepting Islam would come my spiritual uncertainties but to the contrary guys it has even aggravated them and made me even more vulnerable to denouncing my new faith. I would say to that God forbid first let me remind you of the context. I was born about three decades ago into a home with a strong Christian identity. The religion for my family is what Washington and Moscow aids to America and Russia respectively. It is the last resort. The family's public image is painted in the motive of an impregnable Christian identity. Apart from my mother who weighs great influence in the family. See guys I have others who have who I have not mentioned but also are you know powerful as well. My father is one of them and he has so far been oblivious of my decision or my new faith. Honestly the last thing that could come to his mind right now is that his cherished son is having a go with Islam. I'm very confident of that. That is completely unimaginable for him. I have closely you know trended this notion close to my heart and niched information so carefully that he has so far not invited me for any questioning because he would do if he knows. Don't get me wrong guys in the long arm I may basically not need any approval to set forth my own path. Yes there are things one must consider before voyaging on a lonely path. Some of them are family ties, father's blessings, unconsciouses of course and survival. On the family ties zone I believe it's advisable for a man to keep a tab on establishing a good relationship with the family. By the nature of my training growing up and the context of my culture orientation it sees a matter of life and death to maintain a steady craze of good family ties which can be exploited should someone fall into the dungeon of challenges life present in every passing minute. You should understand what I mean by that. As an ex-Christian I understood quite well the power of a father's blessings and curses. In the Bible I read countless times about the costs and the effect of a father's blessings. In the story of Esau and Jacob Esau a shepherd was a first son and was the heir operant. He was the man built for the father's last blessings but while on a hunting trip his brother Jacob with the collaboration of the mother coveted the blessings. Esau was made great by God but not like Jacob who infarably became Israel the people of God that only raised a hard covenant with the Almighty Allah. To this day there are the chosen people of God and there's absolutely no doubt about that. So a father's blessing should be counted and his curses abhorred with every strength one can master. That's my culture orientation. My father struggled to keep his family and family Christian and would never accept the reality that I am a Muslim. As long as he is alive I will continue to live in constant fear of his retribution. He wanted me to be a priest. His millions training me. I disappointed him the first time I left the seminary and once again I am doing so quite startling by taking up a religion. He dread and often time reminders of how the Catholics defeated Islam in the Battle of Lepanto to ensure that Europe of today is free and prosperous thus bringing it down to Africa. I can't afford to disappoint him again. How will he attend my wedding? He would apparently boycott it. How will he see my children recite in the Quran instead of praying and Latin? He will be bitten hard and deep. When I put all this thought into perspectives that scare me to high heavens I imagine as well if my children to despise my Islamic faith decides to stand strong with traditional Catholicism go for bit but nobody can predict anything especially things that are related to the future. In the area of survival guys it is difficult without the aid. This is another area most people don't understand about me. When I was in Qatar a lot of people probed me to know what I do for a living. It was embarrassing. In fact a particular couple from Turkey was so keen to understand me that I fear them suspiciously with wrong info. I was shocked that they were that they got so personal and were probing with reckless abundance. I had no other option than to rescue myself with answers far from reality. I did so on papers because when people see you on YouTube the initial impression is that you are chasing clouds or looking for favor. They don't care about the context of your journey or the motivation. All they are after is to pour retribution and to try to understand something so difficult. For personal reasons I wouldn't again be going deep into my life but rest assured that my family is important to me for the foreseeable future. I would continue to hide my new religious identity until I am more confident to come clean. I had to lie to my mother that I am not Muslim. I told her quite sadly that I was trying to sample her opinion in that video we did together. She brightened up. I saw that difficulty already welling on our face against my decision to become a Muslim. To be honest it is very difficult. Well guys let's leave it at that until next time. Assalamu alaikum