 Thank you so much for this opportunity and today I want to talk about a very controversial topic on single parent food. It's a topic that many share away from and it's mostly because it's surrounded by stigma especially in our African society and you and especially single motherhood has more stigma as compared to single fatherhood. But today more and more it's a reality that more and more people are finding themselves in single-led households including teenagers you know who experience early teenage pregnancies and today I would like to look at the bright side by examining some of the advantages of single parenthood. Yes I am actually looking at advantages of single parenthood. I know very controversial. I like to think that when children are in single parenthood or in single-led households they get undivided attention because one parent is giving is giving each child attention as opposed to when parents are in in a traditional family setup where sometimes a parent feels like they don't have to put in their best because that parent will definitely jump in for them. Another one is the freedom to make decisions. We know families where people have grown up and parents are fighting about decisions concerning the child and when you're a single parent you tend to make decisions by yourself so you want so you anything concerning your child you are the sole decision maker for them. Then in some cases single parents can actually be very good role models. We have seen cases where children are growing up in very very harsh environments where parents keep fighting where there's a lot of abuse but because you're in a single-led household children don't necessarily have to look at parents having a lot of arguments and this brings a lot of this and a stress-free environment for the kids. There's also the aspect of independence and responsibility where children become members you know as a parent in in a single-led household because you can't do everything you tend to assign responsibilities to your children and this brings about an aspect of independence and responsibility in their lives. There's also a sense of belonging whereby you see a lot of single parents depending on the society to help raise their kids you know you're depending on your friends or your family members you're depending on uncles and aunties to be mother figures to be father figures and I think this brings about single children brought about in single-parenthood societies wanting to surround themselves with people. There's also the aspect of being close to your to your child you want to know everything that is happening to your child in your child's life and this draws you closer to your children. Like I said this is a very controversial topic but today I just wanted to say that single-parenthood does not have to be stigmatized they are actually advantages to be a single parent and it's okay to be a single parent. any thoughts? I agree with you and by the way I don't think you're advocating for single I think you're advocating for making the best of your single-parenthood. I'm sure you're not advocating for people you know getting married and then going away to be a single parent because that's a better idea. I mean I totally agree with you and that's basically make lemon days of your lemons and we've had stories of loads of loads of people, motivational speakers you know what business leaders that grow up with just their mothers you know mostly more often than not is you know mothers and they got very good training you know so I agree that if that's what you have you can make the best of it and there's always you know silver lining nervous tissue that you are. On the flip side of it I actually have I believe very strongly that it's better to be a single parent than to be in an abusive relationship you know so what has been stigmatized is you know also you're going to go and raise your child by yourself I mean you know in the meantime discouraging the woman more often than not from walking away from abuse you know I think that you know but the man in some cases yeah walking away from abuse but I believe very strongly that people should be encouraged you know to walk away from abuse and then try and raise their children by themselves absolutely. So it was controversial because it was like she was defending single parents but you have clarified and I think that's what she actually meant but what the thing is about parenting is that we should always be intentional about parenting whether you're single or you're double but the thing is two good heads are always better than one so I mean so it's not about staying married really it's better for the two good heads to take care of a child than one good head but if you now find yourself being the one good head whether the male or the female because sometimes it happens the other way around where it's the guy who is a single parent just make the best of it because ultimately at the end of time you're going to be held responsible for your child whether it turns out right or not you're going to be the one losing sleep going to church everything you're going to the mosque everything to pray for the child to be fine so you have to be intentional about your parenting whether you're single or you're not single I think that's what this whole those whole thing suffices and you're trying to say also that there's hope for parents who are single and taking care of children so I think that was a good one and thank you so much for that well actually in our society it's the pressure is more on the single people girls let me use the language because if a girl becomes pregnant and she is not yet married it's natural in our society they will put pressure on her family will say how come you are pregnant where's the man and all those things even if she knows that she's in a toxic relationship with the man or the boy wherever in the name of saving her face and the shame of the family she would prefer to go into that marriage and she will suffer so it's okay if you are sure and you know in your hearts of hearts that um that relationship is toxic it's better you count your losses and then take care of your child and yourself and keep a sane mind and be responsible as a parent whether you are married or you are or married you should if you are married and you have children you should be intentional about parenting if you are single and you're not married and you have a child or children you should also be intentional about being responsible parents to your children uh life coaches yeah yeah thank you everybody has said really interesting points it's really about just removing that stigmatization and it's not even just about single parenting like Ann has said there are a lot of things that you know the Nigerian culture you know uh the way we process things we put a lot of stigma and a lot of things and this whole stigma you know drives people to make the wrong decisions or like um um Gila said oh should I go and look for a man to attach myself with so I don't appear stigmatized so I think let's begin to you know talk more right um if you have any single person in your corner support them I have one in my corner and I'm always supporting going checking out what has to be doing this I'm always supporting because I know that I know that they can feel oh they've left me everybody has left me you know they're not supposed to be to just marry her you know even religiously speaking like um um Toli said in the previous banter you know even um church leaders the the the mox you know we all have a role to play and not saying oh um because you're now you're you're I mean you're paying all manner of scriptures and all those things support people love people and it's very important to remove that stigma that helps that person to really deal with that process you know and turn out really right I think it's the same that kills them not the single exactly so is that thing where I mean in closing is that thing where once a foundation is is shake it there's a problem if the reason why you're married a man it's because you pregnant for him or you have a child for him the premise is already wrong yeah so there's a strong you know possibility that you might you know struggle with um with marriage itself yeah all right so Juliet is coming up next with a very interesting topic please stay tuned