 Welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. This podcast was created to provide you the information and tools Doc Snipes gives her clients so that you too can start living happier. Our website, docsknipes.com, has even more resources, videos, and handouts, and even interactive sessions with Doc Snipes to help you apply what you learn. Go to docsknipes.com to learn more. Hey, everybody, and welcome to Happiness Isn't Brain Surgery with Doc Snipes. Today, we're going to continue our series talking about spiritual principles that can help us live happier. And if you remember from the last presentation, spirituality isn't necessarily religion. Spirituality is your sense of awe and wonder with the universe and your sense of connectedness and your sense of direction for where you're going and what gives your life meaning. So we're going to start talking a little bit about different principles that might help you kind of check yourself and figure out if you are living your happiest life. So we're going to start out with greed and gratitude because a lot of times people focus on what they don't have and they focus on worrying about money. They focus on worrying about what other people have. And, you know, it makes them miserable. So thinking back over your life, it's important to figure out what's truly important because sometimes you're worrying about stuff and using a whole bunch of energy worrying about stuff that's really in the big scheme of things not that important to you. So don't worry about what you're going to eat and drink, about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food and a body is more than clothes. It's about having peace in your mind, peace in your heart and a sense of being loved. Now, yeah, you need to eat and drink. That no doubt. But we know that there are programs. I mean, you can get on food stamps. You can get public assistance if you need to. There are food pantries if you need food. There are places you can go to get shelter for the most part. You know, if you have needs, generally either you can meet them on your own or your support system or the community support system can help you meet those needs. Are you going to be meeting them the way you necessarily want to? Well, maybe not. You know, you may want to live in a 5,000 square foot house and have three cars and yada, yada. However, you may not be able to. So one of the things I would encourage you to think about is who and what is truly important in your life so you can figure out where to spend your energy, what's going to fill your heart and what is going to give you peace of mind. Whoever loves money never has enough and whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. When people love money and that's where their love is, then you're always wanting more and you're comparing yourself to people who have more and you're trying to reach this other level so you have as much as they do. But what does money do for you? I mean, yeah, you can buy food and shelter and stuff, but once you get your basics met, you know, you can have your basics met at one level and then you can exceed it at a different level. It always, you know, I find it a little curious sometimes people, you know, like stars and stuff who have, you know, it's just them and maybe they're significant other and they're living in this $30,000 mansion or 30,000 square square foot mansion that, you know, is worth millions of dollars, but they don't have anybody to fill it. What do you do with all those rooms? You know, how you spend a lot of time cleaning it maybe. So focusing on what's important is money that important, you know, or is it important to have enough money to do certain things, you know, and there's a difference because if money is important, then there's like a never ending goal. How much money is enough? If you need to have just enough money to do the things that are truly important to you, then that's, you know, a very definable goal. How much money do you actually need to access those people and things that are important in your life? You know, do you have to have a six bedroom house on a hundred acres in the middle of, you know, New York City or something? Obviously, that's not going to happen. But probably not, you know, probably you could meet those needs. And I mean, think about people who are poor. Think about people who are living, you know, in a shack somewhere that still don't have electricity. And there are people living like that. And there are people who are living like that who are happy. They have their family. They have what they perceive is important to them. And they're not worried about taxes. They're not worried about, you know, making car payments on their third car because they have what they need. Can money alone make you happy? You know, and we need to think about this because money is such a big stressor for so many people or what you wear or where you live, which all kind of comes back to money. Can your house, your clothes and money make you happy? And I would ask you to consider, you know, are there people who are poor that are happy? Well, then that shows you that money itself may not make you happy. And are there people who are very, very wealthy, who are miserable? And the answer to that is yes, again, so, you know, money itself, whether you have it or you don't, doesn't necessarily control happiness. But if you don't have money and you dwell on it, it will make you miserable. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have. So take an honest inventory of what you have. And I'm not talking about just tangible things. I'm talking about your friends, your family, your ability to look at yourself in the morning, your integrity, all of that stuff. You know, what do you have right now that makes you happy? You know, yeah, we could always have more. We can always want for more. But what do you have and be grateful for what you have and try to focus more on the things that you don't have in your life? That you already have instead of focusing, you know, ignoring those and going, but I want this. Well, you want that. OK, that's fine. That's out there. But what do you have right now that you can be grateful for? Anxiety is caused by a lot of things other than money. But in addition to lack of money or wanting money or greed, can can any of us by worrying add a single hour to our life? And the answer is no, we can't, you know, actually worrying takes hours off of our life. So we don't want to do that. You know, we want to have a happy, healthy life. So you need to figure out how you're going to handle the big triggers for anxiety. Rejection, you know, rejection is a big one for a lot of people, whether they're being rejected by their family, by their friends, by, you know, for a job. How do you handle rejection? And how do you keep it from making you feel unlovable? How do you keep it from making you feel anxious? You know, anxiety when people are rejected, a lot of times they feel like nobody is going to love them. So how can you feel and help yourself remember that you are lovable all the time? How can you deal with failure? We all fail. And when you fail, if you can see it as a learning opportunity, it's less devastating than if you see it as something negative. If you see it as something negative, then you may fear people are going to reject you because you failed. And you may reject yourself because you failed. But if you look at failure as I tried something, didn't work out, that teaches me one way not to do it, then you're going to feel less anxious about trying things because you won't fear failure. And you're going to be able to handle it when you fail more often because, guess what? It's a learning opportunity and learning is always good. And the final main trigger for people's anxiety is loss of control. When relationships end, people get nervous, they get anxious, they may get angry because they couldn't control that person or they couldn't control that relationship. There's all kinds of things that make us feel out of control from what people say on Facebook to the government, to the weather. You're not going to be in control over everything. And if you get anxious about it, it doesn't do any good. I'll give you an example. Whenever it gets really windy, I'm always worried that we're going to lose part of our fence again. And that anxiety does no good. You know, that just drains minutes or hours off of my life because I have no control over the weather. If it's going to blow, it's going to blow. And I have to remind myself of that and distract myself. So instead of listening to the weather or listening to the wind, I turn up the TV a little bit so I don't hear it and I don't think about it as much. Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word will cheer it up. And this is kind of one of those principles of dialectical behavior therapy is recognizing that sometimes there are things we can't control. And those things we can't control. Well, great, you know, if it's making you stressed out, if it's making you anxious and you can control it, do something about it. Fabulous. But there are some things you can't control. So how can you accept it? How can you move past sitting there and dwelling in your anxiety? All anxiety does is tell you you need to do something, that there may be a threat. So how do you figure out how to deal with those potential threats that you have no control over? One suggestion is to seek encouragement. Find other people who can go, you know, you've been through difficult times before you'll be able to go through this again. Whatever kind of encouragement you need. Do things for others. You know, if you look around, you may see others that are suffering or others that have needs that you can meet. And by being kind to others, a lot of times we forget the things that we're anxious about. We forget some of those things that are weighing on our mind and it cheers us up. Another technique is to use the opposite emotion when you're anxious. Do things that will make you happy because if you're laughing, if you're focused on something that makes you happy, makes you smile, gets you out of that anxiety mind space, it's going to cheer you up. Maybe not forever, but it will cheer you up for that few minutes and give you respite from the anxiety. Feeling overwhelmed or burdened is another thing that, you know, really devastates a lot of people. And it's easy in this culture to feel overwhelmed. You've got so much to do. It feels like, you know, you're never going to win. You try to do things and, you know, feels like bad people get away with things. So people can get very upset and feel overwhelmed out of control, hopeless and helpless. And there are a lot of different proverbs and sayings about this. And one of them is that a joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. So when you're, you've got a joyful heart, it helps keep the rest of your body flowing. It helps you sleep better. It helps keep your hormones in whack. It helps your mood. So a joyful heart helps you feel better physically as well as emotionally. And a crushed spirit dries up the bones because when you feel hopeless and helpless, it feels like you're kind of paralyzed, like you can't move. Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith or the testing of you develops perseverance and perseverance must finish its work so that you can be mature and complete and not lack anything, which is a really long way of saying what can you learn from the trials that you are going through that you can use in the future? What can you learn about yourself? What tools that you can learn? What tools can you learn? You know, you may learn that you've got more courage than you thought. You may learn that you can have faith in other people and you can have faith in yourself to be able to do things. You may learn new skills for dealing with things that, you know, you didn't have before or you didn't know you had. So what can you learn from every hardship and yeah, hardships suck. Don't get me wrong. But if you can at least learn something from it, so the next time something similar comes along, you have more tools to handle it or you feel more equipped to handle it, it will help you feel happier. It's important to recognize that, you know, even when things are going well, there are challenges. And even when things are going poorly, there are challenges. I know how to be brought low and I know how to abound. And in every circumstances, I have learned that the secret to facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. So thinking about, you know, what does that mean? I can do all things when I'm brought low. How do I pull myself out with gratitude, being grateful for what you've got going on around you, being grateful for what you do have instead of focusing on the things that you don't have. Because a lot of times we do have things that can, we can be grateful for that helps bring us out of despair. A sense of hope, hope is always important. If you lose hope, you've lost your heart. So having hope, even when things are bad can help things get better. And having faith in yourself, in your fellow man, in your higher power can help you believe that things are going to get better. But what about this abundance thing? You know, well, the same things apply. When you have abundance, being grateful for what you have and recognizing that it could be gone in a blink, being grateful for what you have and for those who have helped you achieve it or help you maintain it. Because if you start taking people for granted, then they may not be there and you may start to lose things. You want to avoid complacency. Again, if you start taking things for granted, then it may start dwindling away and you don't even realize it. Think about big businesses that get a little bit too big for their britches and they think, well, we'll always be around because everybody needs us. And then they start giving poor customer support. They start putting out inferior products. And people quit using them. They quit going to that store. The store in general became complacent and they just assumed that everybody would always go to them. But nobody is guaranteed a tomorrow. So avoid complacency and keep doing the right things that brought you to where you are. Keep being grateful. Keep having faith in yourself and having hope that you're going, things are going to continue to go well. Yes, there's going to be bumps in the road. But if you have hope that you can hurdle those obstacles, then you will feel happier. Envy and jealousy also get to a lot of people. A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. You know, we kind of heard that one before. When you're at peace, you can use that energy for things that bring you happiness. So if you're always angry, remember, anger and fear are your body's way of saying there might be a threat that you either need to fight or flee from. They are not meant. Anger and fear are not meant to be dwelt on. They're not meant to be nurtured inside your heart and your head. You're not meant to sit there and just perseverate on it. That doesn't do any good. And it just takes away minutes and hours from your life. Do what you can, you know, address the things that you can. When you're at peace, when you're not holding on to and nurturing anger and resentment and all that stuff, all that energy is liberated so you can do things that bring you happiness. Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. When you're tempted to be angry, be kind. You know, sometimes there are misunderstandings and it can be easy to be angry, but that just, that's a whole rush of energy and emotions and everything else. So for example, if you get cut off in traffic, you may be tempted to get really angry that somebody cut you off, but does it do you any good? And the answer is 99% of the time. No. So instead, be kind. Even if you think of it, be kind to yourself. Instead of getting yourself all riled up, be kind to yourself and go, all right, well, that was unfortunate and move on, because getting upset is often not going to help the problem. When you're tempted to cheat, do the right thing so that you can look at yourself in the mirror. Sometimes when, you know, you want to get ahead, when you want to get more money, when you want to get that promotion, it's easy to think about cutting corners and taking the easy way or cheating. However, and you may get more money or that promotion, but can you look at yourself in the mirror? How do you feel in your heart? You honestly feel like you're doing right and benefiting from right actions. You desire, but do not have. So you kill. You covet, but cannot get what you want. So you quarrel and fight. A proverb. How much more energy would you have and how much more pleasant would life be if you focused on what you have instead of what others have? So you're not quarreling with others because you are jealous of what they have. You can just look at it and go, well, good for them. Look at all I've got. You know, focusing on that. Sometimes the things we want or we think we want, like money and power and, you know, all this kind of stuff, isn't what we really want. A lot of times people want money and power because they think that's going to make them happy. Happiness generally doesn't come from those things. Happiness comes from feeling like you're living a rich and meaningful life. So what is it that you want exactly? Anger, forgiveness and acceptance. Anger we've been talking about can be very toxic. So we need to look at forgiveness and acceptance and forgiveness. Isn't a weak move. It's a power play. It's your willingness to say, you know what? I'm not going to hold on to my anger about this anymore because it's just destroying me. You know, I'm not going to forget, but I'm not going to hold on to my anger anymore. I'm just going to let it go. Acceptance is kind of the same way where sometimes you have to accept that sometimes things just are and getting angry about it isn't going to change anything. Sometimes we need to wait patiently because something happens and we want retribution right then darn it. Well, that's not always the way it happens. And in the big scheme of things in the karma of the universe, generally when bad things happen, what goes around comes around. So eventually people will or things will get punished if, you know, they came from evil. So trying to focus on letting nature, letting the universe take its course instead of feeling like you need to be the one to get revenge, which often just makes you feel angry and then, you know, hateful towards others and it can be very defeating. Don't waste your energy being angry over something you can't control. And I see this so often on social media and, you know, I was looking at a YouTube video the other day and some of the comments people were making were nothing more than name-calling. There was no substance to it at all. And I could tell they were very angry over what somebody else had said. Somebody else's opinions, you can't control them. So is it worth your energy to get into a posting war? And over something that you're probably not going to have any effect on. When you're slow to anger, you have great understanding. So we want to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. Anger means we feel threatened. So when you're slow to anger, it means you're taking time to listen. You're taking time to hear the whole thing before you get all fired up and you're trying to understand where that other person's coming from and kind of why you might be feeling the way you are before you jump to conclusions or before you start acting on your emotional reaction. Many times, because of miscommunications or differences of opinion that are really not worth getting angry over, people see threats where none was intended. So sometimes if you have a difference of opinion than somebody else, you may think that they're judging you or you may be judging them and you may perceive a threat there instead of realizing that, you know what, it could both be right in our own ways. So when you're slow to speak, you hear what happens or what the person said. You think about it, you develop an understanding of it before you respond. And then if there is a threat, then you can handle the anger and fear from there. A soft anger turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. When you respond to anger with anger, what do you think you're going to get? Anger squared. Think about when you are, when you've had an argument with somebody, if you go in gangbusters and you're loud and they respond loud, then you tend to get louder and then they get louder. But if you go in loud and they respond softly, then generally you start to de-escalate a little bit. It doesn't mean you have to be a doormat, but it means embracing the dialectics and saying, I hear you're angry right now. Let's see if we can figure out what this is about or see if I can understand your point of view. It disarms the person because they felt like they were going to have to fight for something. And you're saying, my arms are open. Let's talk about this. So their anger tends to go down. So try when somebody gets angry or when you get angry. Try being kind. Try being soft. Try saying, all right, let me take a breath and let me see if I can better understand. Because of the fact that a lot of us are hard and unforgiving, we store up wrath for ourselves. We can store up anger and resentment and guilt inside our heart, which again, that negativity sits there and, you know, you have negative thoughts going through your head. It drains your energy. When you hold on to anger, it has nowhere to go, but it festers inside you and drains your energy of and spirit of hope and happiness. Is that really what you want to do? Is this person or is this situation worth taking hours or years off of your life? Just ask yourself that. You know, every once in a while, it may be. It may be one of those people or things that is truly important in your life. But a lot of times, not so much. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. When you do get angry, work to find a resolution right then, because a lot of times, if we don't, we just kind of compartmentalize it and put it back somewhere. Well, just like any storage closet in your room, in your house, probably, enough things get boxed up and put in the storage closet. Eventually, the storage closet gets full. And so you have all that stuff that you're trying to, you know, hold on to. It wears you out. So work to find a resolution right then so you don't forget to handle it. You don't box it up and forget about it. And you don't have to box it up and find space for it. Period. Try to deal with it. Sometimes you're just going to have to accept what is because holding on to anger isn't going to improve the situation. So maybe you're in a relationship, for example. And it ends. The other person ends it. And you're really angry about that. Well, you're probably not going to be able to get back into that relationship. So you just have to accept what is. Figure out a way to grieve that loss and work through it. If you let the sun go down on your anger, if you let days pass without dealing with your feelings, then it's going to start being more difficult to deal with and you may start becoming that anger may start becoming more part of you. So we're going to end on a positive note. Love and righteousness, you know, I keep saying, you know, we need to have a rich and meaningful life as we define it. We need to love ourselves and feel like we're loved. A person is considered righteous by what they do and not by faith alone. So, you know, you can have faith in other people. You can have faith in yourself, but you need to actually follow through with things in order to you know, demonstrate that your faith was well placed. The body without spirit, the body without hope and faith and love feels kind of dead inside people who who don't have those things feel empty. They feel scared. They may feel angry. So in order to do that, in order to have those things, we need to take action. We need to take action in order to fill ourselves with hope, faith and love. And this starts by being honest with ourselves about what we need, about who we are, about the fact that, you know, we're really lovable people. We may make mistakes, but we're lovable. We need to get honest. We need to be patient with other people as well as ourselves. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody messes up sometimes. Sometimes things don't happen as quickly as you want. Eventually, you know, I believe that everything, you know, what goes around comes around. Everything evens out. And I have to be OK with that because bad things happen in this world. And would I like to get, you know, make those people pay? Sure, I would. However, I don't have the power to do that. Or it's not worth my energy because it takes me away from those things in my life that are truly meaningful. And it's not worth pursuing. We need to be forgiving of other people because a lot of times people don't make mistakes on purpose. They don't hurt you on purpose, but they do. And they do end up making mistakes and hurting you. So we want to be forgiving. But we also need to be forgiving of ourselves. Too often we hold ourselves to this unreasonable standard that we don't hold anybody else to. So we're constantly criticizing ourselves for failures. Forgive yourself. Be kind. How hard is that? Be kind to others. Give food, drink and shelter to those in need. Now, that doesn't mean you have to have somebody move into your spare bedroom. But that does mean, you know, it's might help you feel better if you're sharing with others. You know, sometimes you may have a friend who's having a bad time and you say, you know what, come over, let's have coffee and let's talk. Yes, they're not necessarily homeless and starving, but bringing them in, they're in need. They're in emotional need, bringing them in, giving them food, drink and shelter and saying, you know, you're safe here. We can talk. The same thing is true for those who are actually needing food, drink and shelter. You can volunteer. You can donate to make sure that, you know, all of us humans have access to get our basic needs met. Spend time with the sick and imprisoned. And this can be truly, you know, physically ill and in jail type prison, but it can also be spending time with people who are imprisoned in their own minds, imprisoned with their own anger. Spend time with them. Show them hope, faith and goodness. Instruct the ignorant. Use your skills. Everybody has their own set of really unique, awesome skills. So take those skills and teach people, you know, I have this skill. So let me show you how to do it. Y'all know I don't do woodworking. I am not good at woodworking. My best friend is just amazing at woodworking. So he's taught me a few things. You know, not enough where I feel competent, but, you know, he helps me out periodically. Encourage other people. That's not hard. That's just saying, you know, go get them. You got it. You know, it doesn't take hardly any effort to encourage other people. So try to encourage somebody every day and remember to encourage yourself every day. Look in the mirror and go, I got this. Comfort the sorrowful. People have bad days. People have bad moments. People have bad events happen. So be there to listen and comfort and say, you know what, I'm here for you. I don't know exactly how I can help you right now, but I am here. You tell me what you need. Be grateful and not don't envy other people. You know, when you love what you have, then you won't want for more. When you love what's in front of you, then you're not thinking about, well, I might be happy if I could have this because you're already happy. Be humble. Give credit where credit is due because generally we don't get anything in life all on our own. You know, it's because, you know, the grass grew, the the universe helped us. You know, even farmers, they go out and they may work by themselves a lot, but without the sunshine, without the rain, without the earthworms, they're not going to have a good crop. So give credit where credit is due and be grateful for the earth that we live in. Be hopeful that things can improve. And yeah, it's not going to improve overnight. So look for incremental improvements and be hopeful that you can change your little tiny sliver of this earth. You may not be able to change your whole community, but you might be able to change your household or even your neighborhood and make it a happier place. Trust. Trust yourself and try to trust others and try to trust and have faith that good things will come your way. Be courageous and persevere. You know, most things don't come easy. So it takes some perseverance, which means you've got to go out there and risk failure. You've got to go out there and potentially risk rejection, which takes a lot of courage. But if you persevere and you do these things, if you put yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit, using courage and you persevere through that anxiety, you'll get come out the other end and be stronger for it. You need to have fortitude, which means or integrity depending on what word you want to use. Do what's right in all situations and then you won't feel guilty. You won't feel shameful and you won't be as angry. Try to be wise and prudent, figuring out what the appropriate thing to do is when and how, you know, there's a time for everything, as they say. When is it the appropriate time to end a relationship? When is it the appropriate time to quit a job or to move houses or to offer help? There are times for that. So thinking about in the big scheme of things with what's important in your life, you know, if your family is important, you know, is offering to do this wise and prudent. I do a lot of animal rescue and every time an animal comes up that may need a foster home, you know, I have to ask myself, is this wise and prudent because, you know, I have my resident animals, you know, my pets that I have. I have my children. I have my job. You know, I have a lot of stuff that I have to pay attention to that requires my time and energy. So every time another animal or person needs my help and attention, I have to ask myself, is it wise and prudent to take on this task at this point in time and can I give it what it deserves? Which takes us to be to being fair and just sometimes you've got to say no or set boundaries in order to be fair, you know, I don't want to take on another foster animal, for example, when it means that I'm not going to be able to spend enough time with my other animals. One of my cats gets really stressed out and his autoimmune stuff flares up when he's under stress. So is it fair to him if I bring another foster in? So I want to think about again, always going back to what is it that is most important? What people and things are most important in my life? And is this action going to help me get closer to it? Or is it going to take away my energy that I could be using to move towards it? All right, thank you for listening today and I will see you next time. Thanks for tuning into happiness isn't brain surgery with Doc Snipes. Our mission is to make practical tools for living the happiest life affordable and accessible to everyone. We record the podcast during a Facebook live broadcast each week. Join us free at Doc Snipes dot com slash Facebook or subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast player. And remember Doc Snipes dot com has even more resources, members only videos, handouts and workbooks to help you apply what you learn. 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