 All right, so welcome back. OK, I think there was a question which I didn't notice. And I think I'll just handle it after I just finish this part of the, just complete this what makes a good husband and wife team. So we were looking at what does it mean to be a good team player? So by being a good team player means to communicate better. It means to be able to take feedback better. It means to not be defensive when there is feedback. So these were two, three things that we spoke about. And we also did say that it is working together rather than being independent from one another. The other two, what else does it make about a team player is when you are making the commitment to do your part, to pitch in with your part. And not leaving everything, not being slack or not procrastinating what you need to do, but putting in your commitment about carrying the part of the responsibility that you are to do. Next is not being concerned. Who gets the credit? So sometimes when you're in a team, it could be that one person gets the credit for or gets the recognition for something that's gone well. Remember that the credit is not going to an individual, but the credit is for the entire team. So not looking at it or not feeling a sense of rejection when there is a credit or a recognition that goes to one person. You're also in working together as a team and you're sharing in the strength of one another when you are building on someone else's strength. And so what happens is you have a greater strength. Or when you are supporting one another in weakness, especially when there is weakness in one or when one person is trying to get better at something, usually another team member finding fault or pointing fingers at their weakness could be a dampener. Could be something that doesn't help in working towards that opportunity to grow together. So some of the things that we said is we make every effort when the team members are making effort to walk together in unity when you're respecting each other's differences, when you are playing the roles that's been assigned to you, when you're sharing interests and pursuing something that is common, when you're becoming a good team player, when you're sharing in the strengths of one another and you're supporting to build each other despite the weaknesses that are there. So that's what are some of the factors of becoming a good husband and wife team. I'll just look at the question that's come up. So I think Jack in the question. So is being defensive more like blaming each other instead of acknowledging and looking forward to the solution? So if we have differences of thought or opinion at that moment, do we remain silent? Can you explain more on this? Okay, I'm just going to read that again. So is being defensive more like blaming each other instead of acknowledging and looking forward to the solution? Okay, so let me try and tackle that. So being defensive and blaming each other are probably two different things. Being defensive would probably look like, no, that's not why I did it. I did it because of maybe your defense can come when you are putting the source on something else also. So let's probably take an example. Jacken, can you bring an example? And so then maybe we could talk about the example because I'm not able to get an example right away. Is that an example you can talk, you can bring about? Yeah, so when it comes to the child and when something goes wrong with the child. So think of it in a different way and he thinks of it in a very different way. So maybe like buying things for her at when she hits teenage. So I would think like maybe she can wait or like you will think, okay, right now she might need it. And that's an example that I can think of right now. Okay. I thought maybe he can manage with whatever she has but he'll think everyone has and then why can't we get her? Whatever. So, okay, okay. So this is probably a different, at least the example you've given me is a different style in the way. Your differences of thought or opinion, I think that's what you said, right? There is a difference of thought or opinion. So there's an additional thing to this. So there is a difference of opinion or thought in the way that you buy a certain gadget or certain luxuries for the child. One person thinks they should have it because all the other children of their age group has it. Another spouse thinks they shouldn't have it because of XYZ reasons. Now, these are different kinds of opinions. Now, blaming each other or being defensive comes, I think, maybe at a later stage, all right? Like for example, somehow the decision has been made to let's say buy this whatever gadget you want for your child. Okay. Suppose whoever, come decision, okay, fine. Let's just leave it, right? Now, when there is, let's say a problem occurs, maybe your child is using their phone or what I'm just taking example, I don't particularly know what the issue is, but let's say the child is using the phone beyond the time that you all have stipulated for the child. Maybe you have said one hour a day and maybe the child uses it for one and a half, two hours. And so the other parent or the other spouse comes in and says, see, I did tell you that this is why I gave you this reason why we shouldn't get a gadget. Okay. Now, this is all your fault and this is what is the problem, right? So this is what blaming happens. Okay. So this, this is generally what it looks like blaming. Now, when does it get defensive? When the other person says, yeah, I have been, I, I, you know, I have told her and she doesn't listen. That's because you're not following the rules that I am, that I have put. So there is a defense and there is a counter blame, right? So what happens is the focus is a lot more on the problem than on saying, okay, we made this decision about this. There is no point us trying to point fingers as to who's at fault and why this decision was a bad decision. We are here where it is. Let's look at how we can do this ahead. So the couple sits together and says, okay, maybe we should stipulate a certain time, share this with the daughter and say that there will be certain consequences like this, which means here again, there are going to be differences of opinions and ideas, but coming together with a strategy to work this out. So the defense and blame comes when maybe like these decisions aren't taken, both haven't taken the commitment to say, okay, we're deciding against this and this is our decision rather than we spoke about this, but this is your decision, not that I'm very happy with it. Then it doesn't become a team. It becomes more divided because the minute that a problem comes about, then there is this finger pointing or there is this blaming or there is this place of being defensive, okay? So did you understand? Did you pick that up, Jackie? Yeah, it was very clear. It's like more or less this is what happens. So like when at that point in time, when I want to say something and then it doesn't happen, then we think when something happens, it's because he should have listened and that thought just stays. Now I understand that it is not about what I say or what he says, it's about we agreeing at that time. So we stick to that agreement. So you come to a place of agreement. So when you come to a place of agreement, sometimes maybe what you said is not what has worked, but you are willing to keep that as an agreement. Then once you've said it's an agreement, it's an agreement, not falling back on that, okay? And I think you asked for another question. So if we have differences of thought or opinion at that moment, do we remain silent? Okay. So this get is, I think it's again, it's something, especially when we have differences of opinion about something, we tend to take it extremely personally that, okay, when maybe my spouse has, you know, crashed down or cut down my opinion, it's because they don't think my opinion is worth it or they think theirs is the best. It could, it may not always be that. We tend to read it like that. But if we are able to read it and say, okay, they have a different way of seeing it. And so there may be two different ways of seeing a certain thing. If we are at a place of understanding that, then we are in a much gentler and calmer place to actually share our opinions and be willing to understand or put ourselves in the opinion that the other person has bought. We have a little bit more clearer in hearing that out, okay? So if there is a difference of opinion and if you're choosing to be silent, you're also giving a message that you're agreeing, right? So at a later point of time when something goes wrong, it may be unfair to say, okay, I didn't say anything at that time, but I was actually not very happy with it. But I just went along with it because you said it was better. Now, that is what again brings up conflicts. That's when we're not open in sharing our thoughts and our opinions about a certain thing. So if there is something that one may have of not being agreeable to an opinion, it's good to share and say, I don't completely see eye to eye on what you're saying. I see this differently. May I share my point of view? That's when you share your point of view. And coming to a place of looking at these different points of opinions as points of opinions and not related to, okay, this is what he said. This is what she said. And she always gets it done. He always gets it done. But looking at it as what is the best way for us to work in this situation? To specifically find a perspective of this, right now, the problem is the child and the phone. Not the problem is not, okay, he gets his way or she gets her way. That's not the problem. The problem is the child and the phone. So you're focusing your attention more on the issue at hand rather than the people involved in the making of the opinion. So when you're able to keep that side of a perspective, you're more objective in the way that you look at a solution. All right, Jack and I hope that helped. Okay, anyone else with any other thoughts or questions? Okay, then we'll move on. We're going to be looking at what are important heart attitudes for teamwork. Now, when we are in a team, there can be some things that we do because we intellectually understand this is what we do in a team. But if it doesn't come from the heart, if it doesn't come from deep within, we will definitely see a fallout in the way that we work in a team. So the two important heart attitudes that we'd like to bring context here of the Bible, which is very scriptural, is to have the heart of a servant. To have a servant heart and second is to be able to submit to one another, to mutually submit to one another. Okay, now a servant heart is something that we all know who displayed in his walk on earth, that is Jesus himself coming to a place to serve and not to be served. The Lord gave us his life in exchange for our sins, in exchange for what could have happened to us. So he came to serve and not be served. So we'll look at a couple of scriptures and maybe then we'll just unpack this. Can someone read Matthew chapter 20 versus 25 to 28? I'm on page 98 in the soft copy or in the heart copy it's page 100. Can someone read Matthew 20 versus 25 to 28? Matthew 20, 25 to 28. So Jesus got there together to settle things down. He says, you observe how God blesses you, so they are waiting around how quickly a little power goes to their heads. It's not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first above you must be your slave. That is what the Son of Man has done. He came to serve, not be served and then to give away his life in exchange for the many who are held hostage. Thank you, thank you, Nikhil. So this is, Jesus is bringing about what it means to be a servant. He's sharing about what it means to be a servant. It says, whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave and it brings a parallel about this is what the Son of Man has done. He came to serve, not to be served. And we see a lot of examples of this in the way that Jesus came to serve, even among the disciples he washed his feet and also commanded us to go wash other's feet. He says, this is what I've done for you. This is what I've shown you how to do, now do as I do. So that's one of the things we understand when we are in a teamwork. It is to have the servant hard. So even when we've looked at the roles, we've seen the husband, even though he's the head and the leader of the home, he also must be a servant. Both the husband and the wife maintain that servant heart and serve one another instead of always waiting to be served because we're following the example of God. Jesus said, I've laid a certain way for you. Go and do what I have done, serve one another. So what does this mean? It is looking for the interests and the well-being of the other, trying to serve each other according to their needs. And what would this mean when you're serving someone according to their needs? It's probably a sacrifice that you may need to make. And you are keeping that heart of a servant as you're serving one another. And like I said, these could be in very many different aspects of life. And it could be in daily challenges or daily situations that you may be going through or maybe bigger ones. So the first one is having a servant heart. The second one is submission and submission to one another, which is what we call as the mutual submission. Ephesians 5.21, we've read this earlier. It says, submit to yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ. The Bible does state that the husband is the head. We saw that in the chapter on the roles. The husband is the head and the wife should be in submission to the husband. But we also see in scripture the teaching that each one of us are to walk in submission to one another. Why? Because of our worship of Christ, because of our reverence for Christ. So while the husband is the main leader of the home and the wife may have other roles that she may be playing in everything together, especially in decision making, it is important to come together, discuss ideas and come with the unified plan. And this, if that needs to happen, you need to submit to one another or yield to one another, which can give it the best outcome. So the two heart attitudes which come from the heart is as Jesus spoke of as the servant heart and being yielded to one another or being in submission to one another. Now we will look at a different aspect of teamwork is what, how do you become a team together for God in order to, for the kingdom use? The goal of a, in a kingdom team, the goal of a kingdom team is to support, it's to encourage, it is to empower each other to fulfill what God has ordained, right? So now this, this doesn't, when we, when we're talking about a kingdom team, we're saying that whatever God has put or ordained for each one of us to, to do, that's what we support one another. So this doesn't always mean that, you know, that every time a husband and wife must get into or, you know, a full-time ministry or, you know, getting into doing the same things. But by becoming a kingdom team, we're saying that God has a call, has a specific call for each of us, each for the husband as well as for the wife, depending on what the gifting God has given to each one, okay? So the goal is for them, for the husband and wife, is to support one another and courage one another to fulfill that which God has planned or that which God has given for their lives. So when you work together, when you're working together for a similar purpose, you extend the kingdom of God through their, through your life, even as individual people, through your marriage and family and through what God has put for you, okay? So depending on the calling or the gifting that God has placed in your life, you support one another and release them into that. So, I mean, there are so many examples we can think about and maybe I'd like to take a very varied example. Let's say one of the partners, maybe one, let's say the husband is in a business, okay, and is working in a business, has a business of his own, you know, is financially quite successful and maybe let's say the wife is, I mean, so maybe a Bible college teacher or a teacher, right? So both of them, God has probably gifted them for two different things, maybe the husband God's gifted in the field of business to be able to show biblical principles in building up a business, in being able to financially provide maybe for certain ministries, whereas the wife may be a place of teaching, right? And God's using both of them for kingdom purposes. So it is, it's not getting, doing joint ventures or doing things that are both together, it doesn't only mean that, it doesn't only mean that, but it means anything that God's calling them and supporting one another to fulfill the purpose and the grace and the gifting that God has put into each one, each one's life, okay? So the fact that we need to understand that whenever God brings us together as people, together as a couple, he brings us together for a purpose, okay? It's not just to working for one another, but it is for greater causes. He has brought us together for a purpose, maybe for the children, maybe for a larger family or maybe for the church or maybe for the city, maybe for the country or some purpose that God wants around for us. So it's just not for each other, but also outwardly also to look out outside, because when you're looking at the commission, the Genesis commission, it says we have to be fruitful, to multiply, to fill, to conquer and to have dominion in the earth, right? And this was a commission that was given to each one of us, and we are to see how we are able to follow through this commission in our lives, right? We want to see God's rule extended through by our lives into the world that we are in, okay? So because we are joint heirs, the husband and the wife are joint heirs in the kingdom, we share in the responsibilities of the kingdom, we have a task to do, right? And we have also a toolkit that God has given us, certain gifting, certain calling, certain things that he's put in us in order for us to fulfill the purposes that God's given. So even as we pursue the purposes of God, we need to also keep looking at each other, husband and wife keep looking at each other to support and encourage, so that each of us can be released into what God wants for us, right? So in order for this to happen, we need to first and foremost discover what that calling is, what those individual calling and vocation is. Okay? So as we did speak about, you know, in first Corinthians, we were talking about how each of us, each of us are given a specific function in the body of Christ, and this with different spiritual gifts, with different anointing, with different giftings, and this is what he's gifted each one of us anointed us so that we can use this to build the body of Christ, right? Rather than wanting our spouse to behave like us or be like us, it is important that we release them and encourage them to discover and pursue whatever callings and vocation that they may have. So in sometimes, you know, even though there is a difference in what we are called or anointed with, it is to bring us together, okay? We must learn how to complement one another as we fulfill this calling that God has called us to do. So even if there are difference in the way that our husband and wife function, like I said, you know, maybe one of the partners in the marriage, they may be in the business and one may be in full-time ministry. This shouldn't be a cause for division or competition, but it is something that we are, if we create an opportunity, support and encourage one another to do what God's called us and blend in with that and complement one another as we do that, okay? Right, any questions up until now? When God said to be fruitful and multiply, does it mean to have more children? Okay, so fruitful and multiply can have very many different meanings to it. Fruitful and multiply is in one way, yes, to expand the commission that God's given you, okay? So one of the ways even when God talked about being fruitful and multiply is to bring about his desire, his heart to those around, right? So one of the things that, when we're looking at the Genesis Commission, as a family, so let's just start as basic as that. As a family, when you're saying be fruitful and multiply, the first disciples that you create, that you have is members of your own family, which means they're your children, right? And we are to bring about God's love and God's word and our faith to first and foremost the very closest to us which is our children and from that expand into other things. So although this, it seems like just like a physical connotation of having children, okay, and multiply, yes, it does mean that, but in addition to it, it is to bring the rule of God, the reign of God into the world, first and foremost, starting off with our children, first and foremost, starting off with our children. So that's what God has called each one of us to do and I'm just going to just going to refer something. Yeah, and I think I mentioned this in the initial class, which I said was the first and foremost ministry that each of us have is our marriage and our family, right? And after our relationship with God, the next most priority that God has put in our lives is the ministry that we have towards our marriage and towards our family, which means that when God has bought the man and the woman together, the order that God, the order that God used was to have the family as the greatest priority. And if you look at, if you look at that verse Genesis 1, 27, 28, it says, the male and female, he created them and he blessed them, which means God brings about a blessing on something that he's bought together. And then he says, be fruitful, multiply, fill, subdue. So the commandment of multiplying and fulfilling and subduing the earth comes from the togetherness of a husband and wife, which becomes the first ministry and that gets carried on to the children. So whatever God has bought together, this ministry of marriage should multiply first into our own homes, into our children knowing the Lord and thereafter into all the ends of the world. And that's what you will see in Matthew, right? Where go make disciples of all. And you see these two actually blend so much, so well one together. So it just doesn't mean to have children, but that is an implication, but it is also to bring about the rule and reign of God first in our homes and then to the ends of the earth, to all that around us. Then I hope that helps. Okay, there's another question. I think it's from Radha. If someone didn't get healed from their past and they get married, it can affect their marriage. And if the wife and husband is violating the marriage covenant secretly, but inside the home, their perfect spouse, what will be the consequence because it's hidden from them? Okay, I'm just wondering. This is just, it's probably a random question and not related to the topic, but I'll answer this. If someone didn't get healed from their past and they get married, it can affect their marriage. Yes, it can. And I suppose your meaning may be from a past relationship or a past emotional sexual connection that someone's writing. That's what you are probably referring to, Radha here. But yes, if you don't get healed from your past, you're carrying baggages into the marriage, it can affect your marriage. So yes, and if the wife or husband is violating the marriage covenant secretly, but inside the home, their perfect spouse, what will be the consequences because it's hidden from them? So anything that is a lie, anything that is done in deception, definitely is sin. Okay, so that in itself has its own consequences. What are the consequences? The fact that at any point of time, when this comes open, when the violation of the marriage covenant is bought about in the open, trust gets lost, rejection happens, pain happens, there is a lot of divide between the husband and the wife. So it's a messy situation. It's a difficult situation. Even though, even if it is done in secret, the person who is doing it in secret, yes, is answerable to God, can be leading a life of a lie and deception being in the grapples and in the grasp of sin, making them more deceived, right? Because I mean, this is and it's very true, I mean, there are many cases that you see like this. They feel that as long as they're not caught, it's okay. But, but they are in a sense of deception, they have been deceived so much that they can't even recognize that they are in a plot of sin. So yes, consequences can be very many, it leads to a lot of hurt, leads to mistrust, it leads to the breaking of family, it leads to significant, you know, so much so that even the turning back sometimes can be difficult, the reconciliation gets very difficult. So yes, it can hurt the marriage rather. Yes. Yes, Sridhada. Okay, question. All right. Yeah. I hope that answered your question. Okay. Yes, Radha. Is that okay? Okay. Maybe I want to just add, how do you, now it, there are two things, I think it's important, if it's a believer, it's important to bring and bring and share the sin that he's in, okay, whichever he, she, whoever the, whoever is violating the covenant, saying that, you know, just like Nathan went to David, right, and shared with him, saying that, you know, this is a place that's not right for you. So it's important to do that. So if it's a believer to let them know that they are not in a, not in a good place and it can cause them. So it is important to do that. If it's an unbeliever, it's important to ask them questions, you know, the fact that if they're doing something in secret, why would they do it in secret? All right. And if they are, if they're doing something in secret that the other spouse doesn't want to know, then that in itself reveals that it isn't a helpful, it isn't a helpful engagement that they are in. So asking those questions for them to think about what could be, what, what kind of position or how position they are in, even as they are doing things in secret. And then of course, the natural things of what could be certain consequences if the person were to get to know. So that's probably how you can, you can do to help. I know they're not simple answers, but nevertheless, it's something that we can consider. Okay. All right. We'll move on. So even as we were talking about being in a team, I'd like to also probably share a couple more of thoughts, which is, which is written over here. So often when, you know, when, when we go through life, especially in marriage, there are different seasons when that we encounter, right? And these different seasons could be as a couple or as a family. Like one of the things that you would find is right after marriage, when a couple has their children, they are in a different season, right? So which means some of the roles that both the couple were doing together changes, right? Maybe the wife who's been working maybe takes a break because of care of the, of the children. Okay. So then she stays at home and the children are young and does not work or does not get into a role of working or, or, you know, providing for the family maybe, right? So in this season, in these differing seasons, it's important to encourage and support through that season of life. Okay. And pitching in or helping each other through that time so that they can transition from one season to another. Okay. Also, not, not imposing what one may be experiencing at a certain, certain season. Okay. Let's say wherever, wherever, maybe the couple has a sense of, you know, they're going through a certain person's season, maybe one person is going through a deep time of examining oneself, right? And really building their faith up. Whereas the other person maybe at the peak of their spiritual journey with God and not expecting or imposing one's ideas and thoughts and getting them up to, to change and to have the same journey like the other, right? But being able to encourage and cheer them as they are growing or as they are reflecting upon what God's doing in their life. So supporting and encouraging each other through whatever season they may be at. Also, it's important not to live your life, impressing what other people want you to do. So you're not doing things to impress others, right? And not doing things to, to get public applause. But you are doing things because the Lord has moved you in a special, specific regard, like, and this especially with regard to those who are engaged in ministry, you know, like you would expect for maybe if there is a, there is one of the family members or the husband or wife who's involved in ministry. The expectation is that the other partner or the other spouse also should be in some ministry or the children should follow the same path. The goal, the goal is never to impose or impress upon, upon an expectation, you know, that they should all follow what one member of the family has followed. Because we understand that God's called each one differently and getting them to support people in that is what is needed. So not living to impress others or satisfy someone else's expectations, rather to do only what God has called us to do. Through, even in, you know, as we are working through, especially for those in ministry, to be able to balance your time as a family as well as your priorities. So it's important that you, that you do that, because sometimes it can take so much of time, we tend to neglect other parts of the, of our, of our priorities. Maybe it's the home or it's the, it's the marriage of the family, but being able to balance these priorities. Two other things that I just want to bring up when we're looking at teamwork is praying together, as well as bringing up children. Praying together as scripture brings about when two or three, when two or more are gathered in his name, he will be in their midst. So one of the most powerful things is family prayers. Togetherness is consistently coming together in the family altar. So setting up a time to pray, to read the word, to worship together, to maybe discuss about God's word, so that, you know, you grow together, because there's a lot of power you bring down the glory of God as you're praying together. And the other thing is bringing up children in, bring up children together. Now bringing up children definitely needs a team, right? It is not, it is needed that looking after the children does not remain the sole responsibility of one of the, of the partners or it's left to another institution like church or like beyond the uncle, the neighbors, okay? But it is something that we are called to do. And that's, that's where, you know, when you did, when you did talk about, I was talking about this, it is the Genesis commission is, he makes, he, he tells Adam and Eve to be fruitful and replenish the earth, which means you have a duty in bringing up and training and caring for the child. So that is where you're setting up ways of nurturance in order to bring up the children. So that this bringing up children again is a teamwork in their discipline, in their daily health, in their walk with God, in their academics, in their calling, in their, in, in everything in life, it requires them to be a team together, okay? Yeah, so we've, we've come to the end of that chapter. We've spoken about what the power of a team is. We've spoken about what are some of the hindrances that we see in becoming a good team? What are some of the factors that make a good team? The heart attitudes of a good team? How do you become a good team following the kingdom of God? What are the callings and the vocation we may have? How do we blend it together? How we nurture and encourage one another? And we spoke also of how being a team together, bringing together and bringing up children is also part of becoming a good team, okay? Yes, we have five minutes. Any questions with these regard or any reflections that any of you would like to share your thoughts or your understanding that would also help. Any thoughts? Okay, then we'll let's close with a word of prayer. Can I ask one of the students to please close the prayer please? Prabhu, Prabhu Manikam, would you like to close with a word of prayer? Okay Prabhu is in there. I don't, don't, uh, anybody else? Okay. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Jesus, we thank you for this time that we had to learn about how we can now grow in our marriage and how we can work together as a team to fulfill your kingdom, to fulfill your will, your purpose that you have found out for us. I know that we would remember what we have been taught and that we'll be able to apply it into our lives. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Amen. Thank you all. Just a reminder for all of you to please complete your online students. Please complete your assessments before tomorrow. Um, e-learning students, you have time till the end of the course. Okay. Online students, please ensure that you do that by tomorrow. Thank you. Have a blessed day. Meet you next week.