 Act 1 of Amphitriom by Molière Translated by Henri Van Loon This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org Dramatis Bersonae Night, read by Eva Davis Jupiter under the form of Amphitriom Read by Larry Wilson Mercury in the form of Soja Read by Nima Amphitriom, General of the Thebans Read by Thomas Peter Argata Phantidis, Theban Captain Read by Jim Lott Norcrates, a Theban Captain Read by Alan Mapstone Polydas, Theban Captain Read by Adrian Stevens Pousacles, Theban Captain Read by Leanne Yeo Sosia, Amphitriom's Servant Read by Todd Alcmini, Amphitriom's Wife Read by Avayee Clientis, Alcmini's Maid Sosia's Wife, Read by Sonia Stage Directions, Read by Phone Scene, Thieves, Before Amphitriom's House Proloak, Mercury on a Cloud Night, Drawn through the air by two horses Gently, charming night, Dane to stay a while Some help is wanted of you And I have two words to say to you from Jupiter Ah, it is you, Sir Mercury Who would have thought of you in such a position Upon my word, getting tired And not being able to fulfill the different duties which Jupiter lays upon me I quietly sat down in this cloud to await your coming You are justing, Mercury, and you did not mean it Does it become the gods to say that they are tired? Are the gods made of iron? I want not, but it is me to preserve continually the divine decorum There are certain words the use of which lowers the sublime attribute And which should be left to men, because they are undignified How easily you speak of it And you have, fair charmer, a chariot In which, like a careless great lady, you are drawn by two good horses wherever you like But it is not the same thing with me And I cannot, in my fatal destiny, bear the poets too great a grudge For their extreme impertinence in having, by an unjust law of which they wish to keep up the custom Given to each god for his behoof a special conveyance And have left me to go on foot, me, like a village messenger I, who as is well known, am the famous messenger of the sovereign of the gods In the skies and on the earth And who, without exaggerating anything, stand more than anyone else in need of the means of travelling about On account of all the duties which he lays upon me How can you help it? The poets do as they like It is not the first stupidity which we have seen these gentlemen commit But at any rate, your irritation against them is unreasonable For the wings at your feet are due to their care Yes, but does one tire oneself less in going more quickly? Let us leave this, Sir Mercury, and come to the point It is Jupiter, as I have told you, who wishes a somber favour of your cloak For a certain gallant adventure, with which a new love affair provides him His tactics are not new to you, I believe He very often neglects the skies for the earth, and you are not ignorant that this master of the gods is Fond of becoming human eyes for mortal beauties And has a hundred ingenious tricks to vanquish the most cruel He has felt the darts of Elkhmina's eyes, and whilst Amphitrion, her husband, commands the Theban troops on Biosha's planes He has assumed his form, and under that disguise relieves his pains in the possession of this sweetest pleasures The condition of the wedded pair is propitious to his flame Hymen has united them only a few days since In the still young fire their tender love has made Jupiter have recourse to this pretty artifice In this case, his stratagem has proved successful But with many a cherished object, a similar disguise would be of no use, and to assume the form of a husband is not everywhere a good means of pleasing I admire Jupiter, and I cannot conceive all the disguises that come into his head In this way he wishes to have a taste of all sorts of conditions, and it is not at all acting as a stupid god From whatever point of view he may be regarded by mortals, I would think very little of him if he never abandoned his redotable mean And were always full of affectation in the highest part of heaven In my opinion, there can be nothing more foolish than to be always imprisoned in one's grandeur And above all, a lofty rank becomes very inconvenient in the transports of Amherst Arter Jupiter, who no doubt is a good judge of pleasure, knows how to descend from the height of his supreme glory And to enter into everything that pleases him He leaves his individuality behind him, and it is no longer Jupiter who appears One might yet overlook seeing him descend from his sublime estate to enter into that of men To enjoy all the transports of which their hearts are capable, and to accommodate himself to their jests If in the changes to which his disposition drives him, he would confine himself to human nature But to see Jupiter as a bull, a serpent, a swan, or anything else, I do not think it nice And I'm not at all astonished that it is sometimes talked about Let all the cavillers talk Such changes have a charm which surpasses their understanding This God knows well enough what he is about There is elsewhere, in that, in the movements of their tender passions, the brutes are not so stupid as one would think Let us return to the fair one whose favours he enjoys If by his stratagem he finds that his passion is successful, what more can he wish, and what can I do? That, to satisfy the desires of his enamoured soul, you should slacken the pace of your horses To make of so delightful a night, the longest night of all, that you should allow more time to his transports That you should retard the break of day which must hasten the return of him whose place he takes Oh, this is no doubt a nice employment which the Great Jupiter reserves for me And an honourable name is given to the service required of me You are rather old-fashioned for so young a goddess Such an employment has nothing degrading except among people of low birth When one has the happiness of being in a lofty rank, whatever is done is always well and good And things change their names according to what one may be You know more about such matters than I do, and I shall believe in your superior knowledge and accept this employment Now, now, Madam Knight, a little gently I pray In the world you have the reputation of not being so particular In a hundred different climates you are made the confidant of many gallant adventures And to tell you my mind plainly, I believe that we have nothing with which to approach each other Let us drop these pickerings and remain what we are Let us not give mankind cause to laugh by telling each other the truth Farewell, I am going yonder on this business promptly to doff the form of Mercury To don the figure of Amphitrean servant And I am going to make a stay in this hemisphere with my dark train Good day, Knight Farewell, Mercury Mercury descends from his cloud, night crosses the stage Act One, Scene One, Socia, Alone Who goes there? He? My fear increases at every step Gentlemen, I am a friend to everyone Ah, what extraordinary boldness to be abroad at such an hour as this What a scurvy trick my master, covered as he is with glory, plays me here What? Would he have me set out in such a dark night if he had any love for his fellow man? Could he not as well have waited till daylight to send me to announce his return and the details of his victory? To what slavery is thy life subjected, Socia? Our lot is much harder with the great than with the little They will have it that everything in nature be compelled to be sacrificed to them Night and day, hail, wind, danger, heat, cold The moment they speak we must fly Twenty long years of hard services avail us nothing with them The slightest whim draws down their anger upon us In spite of all this, our foolish hearts cling to the empty honor of remaining with them And we'll be contented with the false notion, which all other people share, that we are happy In vain reason calls us to retire In vain our spite sometimes consents to this Their presence has too powerful an influence on our zeal And the slightest favor of a caressing look re-engages us more firmly than ever But at last I perceive our house to the darkness and my fear vanishes I must have some set speech for my mission I owe to Alcmenna some military sketch of the great battle which sent all our enemies to the right about But how the deuce have I to describe it when I was not there? No matter. Let us speak of cut and thrust as if I had been an eyewitness How many people tell of battles from which they kept far enough away? In order to act my part with credit, I will rehearse it a little This is supposed to be the room in which I enter as the bearer of dispatches And this lantern is Alcmenna, who I have to address He sets his lantern on the ground and addresses his speech to it Madam Anfitrion, my master and your husband Good, that is a nice beginning Whose thoughts were ever filled with your charms Has been pleased to choose me from amongst all to give you tidings of the success of his arms And of his desire to be with you Oh, really, my good Sosia, I am heartily delighted to see you back again Madam, you do me too much honour, and my lot is to be envied Well answered Oh, fair Anfitrion! Madam, as a man of courage should, whenever an occasion offers for behaving with glory Oh, capital, that is well conceived When will he, by his charming return, satisfy my heart? As quickly as he can, assuredly, madam, but much less early than his heart desires Ah! But in what state has the war left him? What says he? What does he? Set my heart at rest He says far less than he does, madam, and makes his enemies tremble Plague, where do I get all these pretty speeches? What are the rebels doing? Tell me, what is their present condition? They could make no stand against us, madam We cut them to pieces, put their chief Petrelis to death Took Telavos by storm, and the whole port rings already with our prowess Ah! What success! Ye gods! Who could ever have thought it? Tell me, Sosia, how it all occurred Willingly, madam, and without boasting, I can give you, very accurately, the details of this victory Imagine, then, madam, that Telavos is on this side Sosia marks the places on his hand, or on the ground It is a city really almost as large as thieves The river is, as it were, there Our people encamped here, and that space here was occupied by our enemies On a height, somewhere there about, was their infantry And a little lower down, toward the right, their cavalry After having addressed our prayers to the gods, and issued every order, the signal was given The enemy, thinking to cut out work for us, divided their horse into three platoons But we soon cooled their courage, and you will see how There is our vanguard, eager to be at work, there stood the archers of our king, Creon And here was the main body of the army Some noise from within Which was about to Stay, the main body of the army is afraid I hear some noise, me thinks Seeing two, Mercury, Sosia Mercury, in the form of Sosia, coming out of Amfitrion's house Under this guise which resembles him, let us drive away this babbler Whose unfortunate arrival might disturb the happiness which our lovers are enjoying together Sosia, not seeing Mercury My spirits revive a little, and after all I think it was nothing For fear of a sinister adventure, however, let us go and finish the conversation indoors Mercury is solid Unless you be stronger than Mercury, I shall prevent your doing so Sosia, without seeing Mercury This night seems to me an ordinately long Judging by the time I have been on the way, my master must have mistaken evening for morning Or fair famous lies too long in bed through having taken too much wine Mercury is solid With what irreverence this loud speaks of the gods? My arm shall just now chastise while this insolence And I shall have some real fun with him by stealing his name as well as his likeness Sosia, perceiving Mercury a little way off Ah, upon my word, I was right after all It is all over with me, poor wretch I perceive before our house a man whose meane bodes me no good Do appear easy I shall hum a little He sings What fellow is this who takes the liberty to sing and to daffin me in this manner? As Mercury speaks, Sosia's voice grows gradually weaker Does he wish me to give him a drumming? Sosia aside Oh, surely this fellow has no love for music For the last week I have found no one whose bones I could break My arm loses its strength in this idleness Now I'm looking out for some back to regain my cunning Sosia aside What the deuce of a fellow is this? My heart is big with mortal fear But why should I tremble so? Perhaps the fellow is just as much afraid as I am And speaks in that way to hide his fear underneath a pretended audacity Yes, yes, let us not allow him to think us a goose If I am not bold, let me try to appear so Let us reason ourselves into courage He is alone like me, I am strong I have a good master, and there is our house Who goes there? I Who, I? I Courage, Sosia What is your condition in life? Tell me To be a man and to speak Are you a master or a servant? As the whim takes me Whither are your steps bent? Where I intend to go Oh, this displeases me I am delighted to hear it Positively, by fair means or foul I shall know from you wretch what you are doing Where you came from before daybreak Whether you are going and who you may be I do good and ill by turns I come hence, I go thither I belong to my master You show some wit, and you have a mind, I perceive To soon with me the man of importance I feel inclined to make acquaintance To give you a box on the ear with my own hand To me To you And there it is for you to make sure of it Mercury slaps Sosia's face Oh, oh, this is in earnest? No, it is only for fun and an answer to your jokes Sounds, friend, how you deal your blows about Without one saying anything to you These are the least of my blows My little ordinary boxes on the ear Where I, as hasty as you, we should make nice work of it All this is nothing as yet We shall see something better and on But to provide a little interval let us continue our conversation I give up the game Wishes to go Mercury stopping him Where are you going? What does it matter to you? I wish to know where you are going To get that door open to me Why do you detain me? If you are imputed enough to go only near it I shall showering down a storm of blows upon you What? You wish by your threats to prevent my entering our own house? How? Our house? Yes, our house Oh, the wretch You belong to that house, you say? Indeed I do Is not Amphitrion the master of it? Well, what does that prove? I am his servant You? I His servant? Without a doubt The servant of Amphitrion Of Amphitrion, of him Your name is? Solcia What? Solcia Harky, do you know that with my fist I shall knock you down on the spot? For what? What fury seizes you? Tell me, who made you so rash as to assume the name of Solcia? I... I do not assume it I have had it all my life What a horrible lie In what extreme impudence You dare to maintain that Solcia is your name Indeed I do I maintain it for the very good reason that the gods have so ordained it by their supreme decree And that it lies not in my power to say nay and to be any other than myself A thousand cudgel strokes ought to be the reward of such afferentry Solcia, beaten by mercury Justice, citizens, help! I beseech you How, you hangdog, you cry out You kill me with a thousand blows, and you do not wish me to cry out? It is thus that my arm... It is an unworthy action You take advantage of the superiority which my want of courage gives you over me, and that is not fair It is mere hectoring to wish to profit by the paltunary of those whom we thrash To beat a man who we know will not fight is not a generous action And to show courage against those who have none is blameable Well, are you Solcia now? What say you? Your blows have affected no metamorphosis in me, and all the change that I can find in the case is that I am Solcia, beaten Mercury, threatening Solcia Again, a hundred fresh blows for this new impudence Pray, cease your blows Then cease your insolence Anything you please I keep silence The dispute is too unequal between us Are you Solcia still? Say, wretch Alas, I am what you please Dispose of my fate entirely according to your wish Your arm has made you master of it Your name was Solcia, by what you said? It is true, until now I thought the thing plain enough, but your stick has made me see that I was mistaken in the matter It is I who am Solcia, and all Thebes confesses it Amphitrion has never had any other than me You? Solcia? Yes, Solcia, and if anyone plays tricks with him, let him look to himself Solcia aside Heaven, must I thus renounce my own self and see my name stolen from me by an imposter? How extremely fortunate it is for him that I am a coward, or else is the death You are murmuring. I know not what between your teeth No, but in the name of the gods, give me leave to speak for one moment to you Speak But promise me, I pray, that there shall be no blows Let us sign a truce Proceed, go on, I grant you that point Who, tell me, put this fancy into your head What good will it do you to take my name away from me? And even were you a demon, could you, in short, prevent me from being myself, from being Solcia? Mercury, lifting his stick How? Can you? Oh, hold, we have discarded blows What? Hangdog, imposter, rascal As for names, call me as many as you like. These are slight wounds, and I am not angry at them You say you are Solcia? Yes, some nonsensical tale has been Now then, I break our truce and take back my word No matter. I cannot annihilate myself for you, and stand a speech so very improbable Is it in your power to be what I am, and can I cease to be myself? Did anyone ever hear of such a thing? And can one give the lie to a hundred convincing proofs? Do I dream? Am I asleep? Is my mind disturbed by some powerful transport? Do I not plainly feel that I am awake? Am I not in my right senses? Has not my master Amfitrion charged me to come hither to accmenna his wife? Am I not to extol his love for her, and to give an account of his deeds against our enemies? Have I not just come from the harbor? Have I not a lantern in my hand? Have I not found you in front of our dwelling? Did I not talk to you in a perfectly kind manner? Do you not take an advantage of my cowardice to hinder me from entering our house? Have you not spent your rage upon my back? Have you not belabored me with blows? Oh! All this is but too real, and wood to heaven it were less so. Cease, therefore, to insult a wretch's lot, and leave me to acquit myself of the calls of my duty. Stop, or the least step brings down upon your back a thundering outbreak of my just wrath. All that you have mentioned just now is mine, except the blows. As Lantern knows how, my heart full of fear, I departed this morning from the vessel. Has not Amfitrion sent me to accmenna his wife from the camp? You have told a lie. It is I whom Amfitrion deputed to accmenna, and who, at this moment, arise from the Persian port. It is I who come to announce the valor of his arm, which gained us a complete victory, and slew the chief of our enemies. In short, it is I who assured Liam Soja, son of Davis, an honest shepherd, brother to Harpage, who died in a foreign country, husband to that prude clientus, whose temper drives me mad, who has received a thousand lashes of thieves without ever saying odd about it, and who is formally, publicly marked on the back for being too honest a man. Soja quietly assigned. He is right. Unless one be Soja, one cannot know all he says, and amidst the astonishment which seizes upon me, I begin, in my turn, to believe him a little. In fact, now that I look at him, I perceive that he has my figure, my face, my gestures. Let me ask him some question in order to clear up this mystery. Alone. What did Amfitrion obtain for his share of all the plunder taken from our enemies? Five very large diamonds, neatly set in a cluster, with which their chief used to adorn himself as a rare piece of workmanship. For whom does he intend such a rich present? For his wife, and he wishes her to wear them. But where is it placed at present, until it shall be brought? In a casket sealed with the arms of my master. Soja assigned. He does not tell a single lie in any of his answers. And I begin really to begin doubt about myself. With me he is already, by sheer force, Socia. And he might perhaps also be he by reason. And yet when I touch myself and recollect, it seems to me that I am myself. Where shall I find some trustworthy light to clear up what I see? What I have done alone and what no one has seen cannot be known unless by myself. By that question I must astonish him. And that is enough to puzzle him, and we shall see. Aloud. When they were fighting, what did you do in our tents, whether you ran alone to hide yourself? From Arthur Ham. Socia quietly aside. That is it. Which I unearthed, I bravely cut two juicy slices, with which I stuffed myself nicely. And adding there too a wine, of which they are very charry, and the sight of which pleased me even before I tasted it, I imbibed some courage for our people who were fighting. Socia softly aside. This matchless proof concludes well in his favour. And unless he were in the bottle, nothing is to be said against it. Aloud. From the proofs laid before me, I cannot deny that you are Socia, and I acknowledge it. But if you are he, tell me whom you wish me to be, for after all I must be somebody. When I shall be no longer Socia, you may be he, I agreed to that. But while I am he, it will be your death to take such a fancy into your head. All this confusion sets my wit on edge, and reason is contrary to what one sees. But there must be an end to this somehow or other, and the shortest way for me is to go in there. Ah! you hand-dog you, with another taste of the stick. Socia, beaten by Mercury. Ah! what is this? Great gods, he strikes harder still, and my back will be sore for a month to come. Let me leave this devil of a fellow and return the harbor. Ah! just heavens, I have made a pretty embassy. Mercury alone. At last I have made him fly, and by this treatment he has got his punishment for many of his deeds. But I perceive Jupiter, who very politely escorts the Amherst alkemena. Seen three, Jupiter under the form of Amphitrion, Alkemena, Cleanthus, Mercury. Forbid, dear Alkemena, the torchbearers, to approach. They afford me delight in beholding you. But might betray my coming hither, which had best remained concealed. My love restrained by all these weighty cares, with which the glory of our arms held me fettered, has stolen the moments which it has just given to your charms from the duties of my post. This theft which my heart devoted to your beauty might be blamed by the public voice, and the only witness whom I wish is she who can thank me for it. I take great interest, Amphitrion, in the glory which your illustrious exploits shed upon you, and the fame of your victory moves my heart in its most sensible part. But when I perceive that this fatal honour keeps away from me him whom I love, I cannot forbear in my excessive tenderness to bear it some ill will, and even to cavill at the supreme order which makes you the Theven's general. It is sweet after a victory to see the glory of one whom we love, but among the perils inseparable from this glory a fatal stroke, alas, may quickly come. With how many fears is our heart seized at the rumour of the slightest skirmish? In the horrors of such a thought, can we ever see or with which to console ourselves for the threatened blow? And with whatever laurels the conqueror may be crowned, whatever share one may have in that high honour, is it worth that which it costs to attend a heart which trembles every moment for him whom it loves? I see nothing in you but what increases my passion. Everything proves to my eyes a thoroughly enamoured heart. And it is, I own it, a charming thing to find so much love in a beloved object. But if I may dare to say so, one scruple troubles me in the tender sentiments which you show to me, and in order to relish them the more, my passion, dear Akamina, would owe nothing to your duty. Let the favours which I receive from you be due to your love and to my person only. And let not my position as your husband be the motive for their bestowal. It is from that name, however, that the ardour which devours me holds its right to show itself, and I do not understand this new scruple with which your passion is perplexed. Ah! the love and tenderness which I have for you exceeds also that of a husband. And in those sweet moments you are not aware of its delicacy. You do not understand that an enamoured heart is studiously intent upon a hundred trifles and worries itself about the manner of being happy. In me, fair and charming Akamina, you behold a lover and a husband. To speak frankly, it is the lover only I care for, and I feel that when near you a husband checks him. This lover jealous of your affection, to the last degree, wishes your love to abandon itself to him alone, and his passion desires nothing that the husband gives him. From the fountain head he wishes to obtain your love, and to owe nothing to the bounds of wedlock, nothing to a wearing duty which makes the heart ache, and by which the sweetness of the most valued favors is daily poisoned. In the scruples, in short, by which he is tormented, he wishes in order to satisfy his delicacy, that you separate himself from that which is offensive to him, and that the husband be only for your virtue, and that the lover shall have all the affection and tenderness of your heart, which is all gentleness. Really, Amfitrion, you must be jesting to talk in this manner, and I should be afraid that if anyone heard you, you would be thought out of your right senses. There is more sense in his discourse, Akamina, than you think. But a longer stay would render me too guilty, and the time presses for my return to the port. Farewell. The harsh dictates of my duty tear me away from you for a while. But, fair Akamina, try at least, I pray you, when you see the husband to recollect the lover. I do not separate that which the gods unite, and husband and lover are very precious to me. Scene four. Cleantus Mercury. Cleantus assigned. How sweet are the caresses of an ardently beloved husband! And how far is my wretch of a husband from all this tenderness! Mercury assigned. I must inform Knight that she has but to furl all her sails, and the sun may now arise from his bed to put out the stars. Cleantus stopping Mercury. What! is it thus that you leave me? And how, then, would you wish me not to acquit myself of my duty, and follow Amphitrian's footsteps? But to separate from me in this abrupt fashion, you wretch! A fine subject to be angry about. We have still so longed to remain together. But what! to go in such a brutal manner without saying a single kind word to cheer me up? Where the deuce would you have my brains fetch you this silly stuff from? Fifteen years of marriage exhausts one's discourse. And we have said all that we had to say to each other long ago. Look at Amphitrian, you wretch! See how he shows his ardour for Algamina! And after that blush for the little passion that you display towards your wife! Good gracious Cleantus! There are still lovers! There comes a certain age when all this is done with, and what in those beginnings suits them well enough would look very awkward in us, old married folks! It would be a pretty sight to see us, face to face, saying sweet things to each other. What! perfidious wretch! Am I past hoping that a heart might sigh for me? No, I should be sorry to say so. But I have too grey a beard to dare to sigh, and I should make you die with laughter. Oh, you hang dog! Do you deserve the signal of having a virtuous woman like me for your wife? Great heavens! If anything, you are too virtuous. All this merit is of little value to me. Be a little less an honest woman, and do not pester my brain so much. How? Do you find fault with me for being too virtuous? A woman's sweet temper is her chief charm, and your virtue makes such a clamour that it never ceases deafening me. You wish for a heart full of faint tenderness, for those women with the laudable and pretty talent of knowing how to smother their husbands with caresses in order to make them swallow the existence of a gallant. Upon my word shall I tell you candidly an ideal evil affects only fools, and I would take from my device less honour and more quietness. What? Would you endure without repugnance that I should love a gallant without any shame? Yes, if I were no longer pestered with your scolding, and if I could see you change your temper in your way, I would sooner have a convenient vice than a worrying virtue. Farewell, plantis, my dear soul! I must follow Amphitrion. Clientis alone. Why has not my heart sufficient resolution to punish this infamous wretch? It maddens me in this instant to be an honest woman. End of Act I Act II of Amphitrion by Molière Translated by Henri Van Loon Come here, you gallows-bird! Come here! Do you know, Master Scoundrel, that your talk is enough for me to knock you down? And that my anger only waits for a stick to beat you as I wish? If you take it in that strange, sir, I have nothing more to say, and you will be always in the right. What, you wretch? You wish to foist upon me as true stories which I know to be impossibly extravagant? No, I am the servant, and you are the master. It shall be just as you wish it, sir. Come! I will suppress the anger that is burning within me and listen at length to the details of your mission. I must clear up this confusion before seeing my wife. Collector of self, consider well within yourself and answer word for word to each question. But for fear of making a mistake, tell me beforehand, if you please, in what manner you wish this matter explained? Shall I speak, sir, according to my conscience, or in the manner usually employed when addressing the great? Must I tell the truth, or am I to be complacent? No, I shall only compel you to give me a very straightforward account. Very well. That is sufficient. Leave it to me. You have only to question me. Upon the order which I lately gave you... I set out. The skies veiled with a black crepe, swearing strongly against you under this vexatious martyrdom and cursing twenty times the order of which you speak. How so, you scoundrel? Sir, you have only to say the word, and I shall tell you lies, if you wish. That is how a servant shows his zeal for us. No matter. What happened to you on the road? To have a mortal fright at the slightest object that I saw. Paltrune! A nature has her whims informing us. She bestows on us various inclinations. Some find a thousand delights in exposing themselves. I find them in keeping myself safe. When you reached the house... I wished to rehearse a little before the door, in what strain and in what manner I would give a glorious account of the battle. What then? Someone came to disturb and embarrass me. Who? Solcia. Another I. Jealous of your orders whom you sent from the port to Aqumena and who has as full knowledge of our secrets as I who speak to you. What tales? No, sir. It is the plain truth. This I, sooner than I, found myself at our house and I swear to you, sir, that I was there before I had arrived. Whence precedes I pray you this confounded nonsense? Is it a dream? Is it drunkenness? Haboration of mind? Or a bad joke? No. It is the thing as it is and not at all an idle tale. I am a man of honour. I give you my word and you may believe it, if you please. I tell you that, believing to be but one Solcia, I found myself too at our house and that of these two eyes jealous of each other one is at home and the other is with you, that the I whom you see here, tired to death, found the other I fresh, jovial and active and having no anxiety but to fight and break bones. I must be, I confess, of a temper very staid, very calm and very gentle to allow a servant to entertain me with such nonsense. If you put yourself in a passion, no more conference between us. You know all is over at once. No, I will listen to you without excitement. I promised it. But tell me in sober conscience, is there any shadow of probability in this new mystery which you have just been telling me? No, you are right. And the affair must appear to everyone past belief. It is an incomprehensible fact, an extravagant, ridiculous, irksome tale. It shocks common sense, but it is not the less a fact. How can a man believe it, unless he be bereft of his senses? I did not believe it myself without the utmost difficulty. I thought myself touched in my mind to believe myself too, and for a long time I treated this other self as an imposter. But he forced me at last to recognize myself. I saw that it was I, without the least stratagem. From head to foot he is exactly like me. Handsome, unnoble-mienne, well-favoured, charming manners. In short, two drops of milk are not more alike. And were it not that his hands are somewhat too weighty, I should be perfectly satisfied about it. With how much patience I must arm myself! But after all, did you not go into the house? And that is good. Go in. He? In what way? Did I ever wish to listen to reason? And did I not forbid myself to enter our door? How? With a stick, of which my back feels still the smarting pain. You have been beaten. Indeed I have. And by whom? By myself. You? Beat yourself? Yes, I. Not the I that is here, but the I from the house who strikes like four. Heaven confound you for talking to me thus. I am not joking. The I whom I met just now has great advantages over the I who is speaking to you. He has a strong arm and lofty courage. I have had proofs of it. And this devil of an I has thrashed me properly. He is a fellow who does impossible things. Let us have done. Have you seen my wife? No. Why not? For a sufficiently strong reason. Who hindered you, rascal? Explain yourself. Must I repeat the same thing twenty times to you? I, I tell you, this I stronger than I. This I who by force took possession of the door. This I who made me decant. This I who wishes to be the only I. This I, jealous of myself, this valiant I, whose anger showed itself to this cowardly I. In short, this I who is at home, this I who has shown himself my master, this I who has wracked me with blows. His brain must be disturbed by having had too much drink this morning. May I be hanged if I have had anything but water. You may believe me on my oath. Then your senses must have been asleep. And some bewildering dream has shown you all these confused fancies which you foist upon me for truths. As little as the other. I have not been asleep and do not even feel inclined for it. I am speaking to you wide awake. I was quite wide awake this morning upon my life and quite wide awake was also the other sociar when he belabored me so well. Follow me. I command you to be silent. You have wearied my mind enough and I must be the various fool to have the patience to listen to the nonsense which a servant utters. Socia aside. Every discourse is nonsense coming from an obscure fellow. If some great man were to say the same things they would be exquisite words. Let us go in without waiting any longer. But here comes Almena and all her charms. Doubtly she does not expect me at this moment and my arrival will surprise her. Scene two. Almena Amfitrion Cleansis Socia. Almena without seeing Amfitrion. Come Cleansis. Let us approach the gods and to offer up our homages for my husband and render them thanks for the glorious success of which Thebes by his arm reaps the advantage. Perceiving Amfitrion. Oh ye gods! Heaven grant that victorious Amfitrion may be once more met with pleasure by his wife and that this day may be propitious to my passion and restore you to me with the same affection. May I find as much fondness as my heart brings back to you. What? Return so soon? Truly this is in this instance to give me but a sorry proof of your affection and this what? Return so soon? Is hardly the language on such an occasion of a heart truly inflamed with love. I presumed to flatter myself that I'd stayed away from you too long. The expectation of an ardently longed for return invests each moment with excessive length. The absence of what we love, however short, is always too long. I do not see. No, Almena, we measure the time in such cases by our own impatience as you count the moments of absence as one who does not love. When we really love, the least separation kills us and the one whom we delight to see never comes back too soon. I confess that my fond affection has reason to complain at your reception and I expected different transports of joy and tenderness from your heart. I am at a loss to understand on what you found the words which I hear you speak and if you complain of me I do not know in good truth what would need satisfy you. It seems to me that last night at your happy return I showed a sufficiently tender joy and repaid your proofs of affection by everything which you had reason to expect from my love. How? Did I not show plainly enough the sudden ecstasies of a perfect joy and can a heart's transports be better expressed at a return of a husband who is tenderly loved? What is it you tell me? That even your affection showed an incredible joy at my reception and that, having left me at the break of day, I do not see that my surprise at this sudden return is so much to blame. A sudden dream last night, alchemyner, anticipated in your fancy the reality of my return which I hastened having perhaps used me kindly in your sleep does your heart imagine my love sufficiently repaid? Has some disease in your mind amfitriant by its malignity obscured the truth of last night's return? And as to the tender welcome I gave you does your heart pretend to rock me of all my honest affection? Me thinks this disease with which you entertain me is somewhat strange. It is the only thing one can give in exchange for the dream of which you talk to me. Unless by a dream one can certainly not excuse what you tell me now. Unless by a disease which troubles your mind one cannot justify what I hear from you. Let us have done with this disease for a moment, alchemyner. Let us have done with this dream for a moment, amfitriant. As to the subject in question the jest may be carried too far. Undoubtedly. And as a sure proof of it it is somewhat moved. It is in this way then that you wish to try to make a menace for the welcome of which I complained. And you wish to try to divert yourself by this faint? For heaven's sake, let us cease this, I pray you, alchemyner, and let us talk seriously. It is carrying the jest too far, amfitriant. Let us end this railery. What? Do you maintain to my face that I was seen at this spot Have you the assurance to deny that you came hither yesterday towards evening? Aye, I came yesterday. Undoubtedly. And just before the break of day you went away again. Amfitriant, aside. Heaven's was ever such a debate as is heard of. And who would not be astonished at all this? Sosia. She has need of a half a dozen and the rain is turned. Alchemyner. In the name of all the gods this discourse will have strange consequences. Recollect yourself a little better and reflect upon what you say. I am indeed seriously reflecting. And all the inmates of the house witnessed your arrival. I do not know what motive makes you act thus. But if the thing had need of proof, if it were true that one could not recollect such a thing, from whom, but yourself, could I hold the news of the latest of all your battles, and the five diamonds worn by Tellaris plunged into eternal night by the force of your arm, what sure a proof could one wish? What? Have I already given you the cluster of diamonds which I had for my share and which I intended for you? Assuredly it is not difficult to convince you thoroughly of it. And how? Alchemyner pointing to the cluster of the diamonds at her girdle. Here it is. So there? Sosia taking a casket from his pocket. She is justing, and I have it here. The faint is useless, sir. Amphitrion examining the casket. The seal is unbroken. Alchemyner presenting the diamonds to Amphitrion. It is an illusion? There! Will you think this proof strong enough? Oh, heaven! Oh, just heaven! Come, Amphitrion, you are joking with me by acting in this way, and you ought to be ashamed of it. Break the seal quickly. Sosia having opened the casket. Upon my word it is empty. It must have been abstracted by Witchcraft, or else it must have come by itself without a guide to her whom it knew that it was intended. It must have been abstracted by Witchcraft, to her whom it knew that it was intended to adorn. Amphitrion aside. He gods whose power directs all things. What is this adventure? And what can I augur from it at which my passion startles not? Sosia to Amphitrion. If she speaks the truth, we share the same fate. And like me, sir, you are double. Hold your tongue. What is there to be so much surprise that? And when's this great emotion? Amphitrion aside. Oh, heaven, what strange confusion! I see supernatural incidents, and my honour fears an adventure which my senses do not understand. Do you still think to deny your sudden return when you have so sensible a proof of it? No. But be so kind if it be possible to relate to me what happened at this return. Since you ask an account of the matter, you still wish to insinuate that it was not you? Pray pardon me, but I have a certain reason for asking to relate it. Have the important affairs which may occupy your mind made you so soon lose the remembrance of it? Perhaps so. But in short, you would oblige me by telling me the whole story. The story is not long. I advance towards you full of fun surprise. I embrace you tenderly, and more than once testified my joy. Amphitrion aside. Ah! I could have done without so sweet a welcome. You first made me this valuable present, destined for me from the conquered plunder. Your heart vehemently unfolded to me all the fire of your passion and the carking cares which had kept it in chain in the joy of seeing me again, the pangs of absence, all the trouble caused by your impatience to return and never on similar occasions did your love seem to me so tender and so passionate. Amphitrion aside. Can one be more exquisitely tortured to death? As you may well believe all these transports, all this tenderness did not displease me. And if I must confess it, my heart, Amphitrion, found a thousand charms in them. What then, pray? We interrupted each other with a thousand fond inquiries. The repast was served. We subbed by ourselves and the supper over we retired to bed. Together? Assuredly. What a question is that! Amphitrion aside. This is the most cruel, glow-of-all and of which my jealous passion trembles to assure itself. Whence comes at this word so deep a blush? Have I done any harm in sleeping with you? No. To my great grief it was not I. And whosoever says that I came here the yesterday tells of all falsehoods the most horrible. Amphitrion. Perfidious woman. What outburst is this? No, no. No more fondness. No more respect. This misfortune puts an end to all my firmness. And my heart at this fatal moment breathes only fury and revenge. And on whom would you be avenged? And what want of faith makes you treat me now as a criminal? Amphitrion. I know not. But it was not I. And this is a despair which renders me capable of anything. Away, unworthy husband, speaks for itself and the imposter is frightful. This is taking too great an advantage of me and it is too much to condemn me for faithlessness. If in this confused outburst you are seeking a pretext for breaking the nuptial bonds which hold me in chains to you all these excuses are superfluous for I am fully determined that this very day all our bonds shall be dissolved. After the disgraceful insult which has been revealed to me it is what no doubt you should prepare for. It is the least that can be expected and things may perhaps not rest there. The dishonour is certain. My misfortune is plainly revealed to me and my love endeavours and vain to conceal it from me. But I am as yet unacquainted with the particulars and my just wrath demands to be enlightened. Your brother can openly vouch for it that I did not leave him until this morning. I am going to seek him an order that I may confound you about this return which is falsely imputed to me. Afterwards we shall penetrate to the bottom of the mystery unheard of until now and in the transports for righteous wrath will be to him who has betrayed me. Sure. Do not accompany me but wait here for me. Cleanthas, two alchmina. Must I? I can attend to nothing. Leave me alone and follow me not. Scene three. Cleanthas, Socia. Cleanthas, aside. Something must have disordered his brain but the brother will immediately put an end to this squirrel. Socia, aside. This is a sufficiently severe blow for my master and his adventure is cruel. I very much fear something of the same kind for myself and I will very gently explain myself to her. Cleanthas, aside. Let us see whether he will so much as speak to me but I will let nothing appear. Socia, aside. These things are often annoying to know and I tremble to ask her. Would it not be better for safety's sake to remain altogether ignorant of what may be the truth? Yet at all events I must try and find out. I cannot help doing so. One of the weaknesses of human nature is curiosity to learn things which you would not like to know. May heaven preserve you, Cleanthas. Ah! You dare to come near me, you wretch? Great heavens, what hails you? You are always in a temper and you get angry about nothing. Ha! What do you call about nothing? Say. I call about nothing what is called about nothing in verse as well as prose. And nothing as you well know means nothing or at least very little. Ah! Not know what prevents my scratching your eyes out, infamous wretch and teaching you how far the anger of a woman can go. Hello? When comes this furious outburst? What? Then you reckon as nothing what you have done to me. What? What? You pretend to be innocent? Is it by the example of your master that you will say that you did not return here? No, I know the contrary too well. But I shall not be cunning with you. We had drunk of I do not know what wine which made me forget all that I might have done. Ha! You imagine perhaps to excuse yourself by this trick. No, seriously, you may believe me. I was in a condition in which I may have done things for which I should be sorry and of which I have no recollection. You do not at all remember the manner in which you treated me when you came from the port? Not in the least. You had better give me an account of it. I am just and sincere and would condemn myself if I am wrong. Oh! Amphiterion having warned me I set up until you came. But I never beheld such coldness. I had to remind you of your having a wife. And when I wished to kiss you you turned away your head and presented your ear. Good! What do you mean by good? Good heavens! You do not know why I talk like this, Glianthus? I had been eating garlic and like a well-behaved man had been quite right in turning my breath a little away from you. I gave you to understand the tenderness of my heart but you were as deaf as opposed to all that I said and not a kind word passed your lips. Courage! In short, notwithstanding my advances my chaste flame found nothing in you but eyes and I felt disappointed to receive no response from you so far as to refuse to take your place in bed which the laws of wedlock oblige you to occupy. What? Did I not go to bed? No, you sneak. Is it possible? Wretch! It is but too true of all affrons. This is the greatest. And instead of your heart making amends for it this morning you separated from me with words of undisguised contempt. Bravo, Socia. What? This is the effect of my complaint. You laugh at this pretty piece of work? How satisfied I am with myself. Is this the way to express your regret for such an outrage? I should never have believed that I could so well control myself. Far from condemning yourself for such perfidious behavior you show your joy for it in your face. Good gracious, not so fast. If I appear to be joyous think that I have a strong inward reason for it and that without thinking of it I never did better than in behaving to you in such a way just now. Are you making fun of me, you wretch? No. I am speaking frankly to you. In the condition in which I was I had a certain fear which, by your words, you have dissipated. I was very apprehensive and feared that I had committed some foolishness with you. What is this fear? And let us know where for. The doctors say that when one is drunk one should abstain from one's wife and that in that state there can be no other result than children who are dull and who cannot live. Reflect. If my heart had not armed itself with coldness what inconveniences might have followed. I do not care a pin for doctors with their insipid arguments. Let them give rules to the sick without wishing to govern people who are in good health. They matter with too many affairs in pretending to put a curb upon our chaste desires. And in addition to the dog days they give us, besides their severe rules a hundred cock and bull stories into the bargain. Gently. No. I maintain that theirs is a wrong conclusion. Those reasons emanate from crack-brained people. Neither wine nor time can be fatal to the performance of the duties of conjugal love. And the doctors are asses. I beseech you, moderate your rage against them. They are honest people, whatever the world may say of them. You are all together in the wrong box. Your submission is in vain. Your excuse will not pass. And sooner or later I will pay you out between ourselves for the contempt which you show me every day. I keep in mind all the particulars of our conversation and I shall try to profit by the liberty which you allow me, you cowardly and perfidious husband. What? You told me just now you mean wretch that you would freely consent that I should love another. Ah! As for that I am wrong, I retract. My honour is too much concerned. You had better beware of giving way to that passion. If I can, however, but once make up my mind to it. Let us suspend this conversation for a little and fitry on returns, who seems quite contented. Scene four, Jupiter-Clientus-Socia. Jupiter aside. I shall take this opportunity of appeasing Elkmina, abandishing the grief in which her heart wishes to indulge, and under the pretext that brings me hither of giving my passion the sweet pleasure of reconciling myself with her. To Clientus. Elkmina is up the stairs, is she not? Yes, full of uneasiness she seeks solitude and has forbidden me to follow her. Whatever prohibition she may have made does not apply to me. Scene five, Clientus-Socia. Hm! He has soon got over his grief from what I can see. What say you, Clientus, to this cheerful myun after his terrible quarrel? That we would do well to send all the men to the devil, and that the best of them is not worth much. These things are said in a passion, but you are too much taken up with the men, and upon my word you would all look very glum if the devil should carry us all off? Indeed. Hush! Here they come. Scene six, Jupiter-Elkmina, Clientus-Socia. Alas! Do you wish to drive me to despair? Stay, fair Elkmina. No! I cannot stay with the author of my grief. I entreat you. Leave me. What? Leave me, I tell you. Jupiter softly aside. Her tears touch me to the heart, and her grief saddens me. Allowed. Allow my heart to... No, do not follow me. Whither would you go? Where you shall not be. That would be a vain attempt on your part. I am attached to your beauty by too tight a bond to be separated for one moment from it. I shall follow you everywhere, Elkmina. And I shall fly from you everywhere. I am very dreadful then. More than I can express to me. Yes, I look upon you as a frightful monster, a cruel, furious monster whose approach is to be feared, as a monster to fly from everywhere. The sight of you gives me incredible pain. It is a torment that overwhelms me, and I see nothing under heaven of what is frightful, horrible, odious, which would not be to me more bearable than you. This is, alas, what your own mouth says. I have much more in my heart, and it is but too sorry that I cannot find words to express it all. And what has my passion done to you, Elkmina, that I should be looked upon by you as a monster? Ah, just heavens, and he can ask that. Is it not enough to drive one distracted? Ah, in a gentler spirit. No, I wish neither to see nor to hear anything of you. Have you the heart to treat me thus? Is this the tender love which was to last so long, when I came hither yesterday? No, no, it is not. And your cowardly insults have wielded otherwise. It exists no longer this passionate and tender love you have cruelly destroyed it in my heart by a hundred piercing wounds. In its place stands an unbending wrath, a keen resentment, an invincible contempt, the despair of a heart justly incensed, which intends to hate you for this grievous affront as much as it intended to love you, and which means to hate as much as possible. Alas, how little strength your love must have had if it can be destroyed by so small a matter! Is that which was only play, occasion a divorce? And is there any occasion to be so angry at a joke? Ah, it is just this at which I am offended and which my anger cannot forgive. I should have felt less hurt at the true outbursts of a fit of jealousy. Jealousy produces impressions of which the force often carries us away, and the most collected mind at such times finds it, without doubt, difficult enough to be answerable for its emotions. The violence of a heart which may have been mistaken has something to bring back a soul which it has offended, and in the love which gave it birth it finds, at least, in spite of all its violence, reasons for being excused. Those outbursts have always as an excuse against anger that cause which created them, and we easily forgive that which we cannot master. But in wantonness of heart, to get into an uncontrollable fury so deeply to injure without cause the tenderness and honour of a heart that dearly loves you, ah, is too cruel a blow, and one which my grief will never forget. Ah, yes, you are right, Alkemena. I must submit. This action is no doubt an odious crime. I do not pretend to defend it any longer. But allow my heart to exonerate itself in your eyes, and to tell you who is to blame for this insulting outburst. To make a frank avowal of it, Alkemena, it is the husband who has committed all the evil. It is the husband whom you must regard as guilty. The lover had no share in this brutal transport, and his heart is not capable of offending you. This heart has too much respect and tenderness for you ever to dream of it, and if it had the guilty weakness to do ought to wound you, he would pierce it with a hundred stabs before your face. But the husband has stepped out of that humble respect, which should always be your due. By his harsh proceeding, the husband has shown himself and he thought that the laws of marriage permitted him everything. Yes, it is no doubt to he who is guilty towards you. He alone has maltreated your amiable person. Hate detests the husband. I consent to it, and leave him to your mercy. But Alkemena, reserve the lover from the resentment which such an offence raises in you. Do not throw the effect of it on him. Separate him somewhat from the guilty one, and in order to be just, do not punish him for what he has not done. Ah! All these subtleties are but frivolous excuses, and such language is only an annoyance to irritated minds. You use in vain this ridiculous pre-verication. I distinguish nothing in him who offends me, everything becomes the object of my anger, and in its just violence the husband and the lover are confounded. Both alike occupy my thoughts, and by my wounded heart are painted in the same colours to my eyes. Both alike are criminal, both alike have offended me, and both alike are odious to me. Very well. Since you wish it, I must then charge myself with the crime. Yes, you are right when you emulate me to your resentment as a guilty victim. A too-just anger against me sways you, and all this great wrath which you now display is making me suffer only lawful torments. It is right that you shun me, and that in your anger you threaten to fly from me everywhere. I must be an odious object to you. You must wish me a great deal of harm. My transgression in having offended your charming eyes surpasses every horror. It is a crime to offend men and gods, and in short I deserve as punishment for my audacity that your hatred should employ its most furious darts against me. But my heart craves your mercy. To ask it I throw myself on my knees, and implore it in the name of the most brilliant flame of the tinderous love with which a soul can ever burn for you. If your heart charming alchemy refuses me the pardon which I dare request, a sudden stroke must deliver me by death from the harsh rigor of a penalty which I am unable to endure. Yes, this condition drives me to despair. Do not think, alchemina, that loving as I do your heavenly charms I can live one day under your anger. The merciless length of those moments makes my afflicted heart already succumb beneath their deadly blows. And the cruel wound of a thousand vultures are nothing compared to my violent grief. Alchemina, you have only to declare it to me if I have no pardon to hope for. This sword shall immediately by well aim blow pierce before your eyes the heart of a miserable wretch. That heart, that treacherous heart, only too deserving of death, since it could offend so adorable a being, only too happy if in descending to the dark regions my death may appease your anger. And if after this mournful day it leaves in your soul no impression of hatred whilst remembering my love. That is all which I expect as a sovereign favour. Ah, too cruel, husband. Say, speak, alchemina. Must I still feel kindness for you and see you outrage me by so many insults? Whatever resentment and outrage may cause, can it hold out against the remorse of a really enamoured heart? A heart full of passion would sooner expose itself to a thousand deaths than offend the object of its love. The more one loves, the less difficulty one feels. No, speak no more about it. You deserve my hatred. You hate me then? I make every effort to do so and I am vexed to think that all your insults cannot bring my heart even so far to indulge in that revenge. But why this violence? Since to revenge yourself I offer you my life. Pronounce its doom and immediately I shall obey. Can she who cannot hate desire your death? And I. I cannot live unless you forgo this anger that overwhelms me and unless you grant me the favour of a pardon to which I implore to your feet. Socia and Cleanses kneel likewise. Decide upon one of the two quickly, either to punish or to absolve me. Alas! What I can resolve has appeared much clearer than I wish. My heart has too well betrayed me for me to wish to keep up the wrath which you mention, to say that we cannot hate. Is it not saying that we forgive? Ah, Charmene Alcamene, I must in the excess of my joy. Desist! I am angry with myself for so much weakness. Go, Socia, and make haste. A sweet rapture charms my soul. See what officers of the army you can find and invite them to dine with me. Softly aside. Mercury can supply his place while he is away from this. Scene seven, Cleanses, Socia. Well, Cleanses, you see how they arrange matters? Will you, in imitation of their example, make up a little peace between us, some little reconciliation? Ah, for the sake of your beautiful face. Truly, yes, to be sure. What, you will not then? No. Ah, it signifies little to me. So much the worse for you. Well, well, come back. Sounds no. I shall do nothing of the kind, and I shall be angry in my turn now. Ah, get you gone, you wretch. Leave me alone. One gets weary sometimes of being a virtuous woman. End of act two. Act three of Amphitrion by Molière. Translated by Henri Van La. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Act three. Scene one, Amphitrion alone. Yes, without a doubt, fate conceals him purposely from me, and I am weary at last of trying to find him out. Nothing can be more cruel than my lot. Notwithstanding all my peregrinations, I cannot find him for whom I am looking, and meet all those for whom I do not look. A thousand cruel balls who do not imagine themselves to be so, without knowing much of me, are driving me mad with their congratulations upon our exploits. In the cruel perplexity of the care that harasses me, they overwhelm me with their embraces, and their rejoicings only increase my uneasiness. In vain I endeavour to pass them by, to fly from their persecutions. Their killing friendship delays me everywhere, and whilst I reply to the ardour of their expressions by a nod of their head, I silently mutter a hundred curses upon them. Ah! how little we feel, flattered by praise and honour, and all the fruits of a great victory, when in our inmost soul we are suffering a poignant grief, and how willingly would we barter all this glory to have the heart at rest. Every minute my jealousy harps upon my disgrace, and the more my mind reveres to it, the less am I able to disentangle its direful confusion. The theft of the diamonds does not surprise me. Seals may be tampered with unperceived, but she will have it that yesterday I presented the gift to her personally, and this is what puzzles me most cruelly. Nature sometimes produces resemblances of which some impostors have availed themselves to deceive, but it is preposterous that under such a semblance a man should pass himself off as a husband, and in such a case there are a thousand differences which a wife can easily detect. The wonderful effects of this alien magic have at all times been extolled, but those same stories everywhere related to it have always passed with me for idle tales. It would be a hard fate indeed that I, fresh from a complete victory, should be compelled to believe them at the cost of my own honour. I will try once more interrogate her upon this fixatious mystery, and find out if it be not some idle fancy that has imposed upon her disordered senses. Grant, O righteous heavens, that this thought may prove true, and that, from my own happiness, I may have lost her senses. Scene 2 Mercury Amphitrion Mercury, on the balcony of Amphitrion's house, without being seen or heard by him Since love offers me no pleasures here, I will make myself some of a different nature, and enliven my dull leisure by putting Amphitrion out of all patience. I may not be very charitable in a god, but I shall not trouble myself much about that. I find, by my star, that I am somewhat disposed to malice. How comes it that at this hour the door is closed? Hello. Gently. Who knocks? Amphitrion, not seeing Mercury. I. Who is I? Amphitrion, perceiving Mercury, whom he takes for Socia. Ah, open. Open indeed. Then who may you be to make such an uproar to speak in this strain? What? Do not you know me? No, and have no wish to. Amphitrion aside. Is everyone losing his senses today? Has the distemper spread? Socia. Hello, Socia. Well, Socia, yes, that is my name. Are you afraid of my forgetting it? Do you see me clearly? Clearly enough. What can possess your arm to make so great a noise? What do you want down there? Ah, you hangdog, what do I want? What do you not want, then? Speak, if you would have me understand you. Wait, you wretch. I will come up there with a stick to make you understand and teach you properly to dare speak to me in this manner. Gently. If you make the slightest attempt at disturbance, I shall send from this some messengers which you will not like. Oh, heavens, has such insolence ever been heard of. Can one conceive it from a servant from a beggar? Well, what is the matter? Have you quite summed me up? Have you stared enough at me? How wide he opens his eyes? How wild he looks! If looks could bite, he would have torn me to shreds there now. I tremble at what you are bringing upon yourself with all these impudent remarks. What a terrible storm you are brewing for yourself. What a hurricane of blows will descend upon your back! Look here, friend. If you do not make yourself scarce from this place, you may come in for some knocking about. Ah, you shall know to your cost scoundrel what it is for a servant to insult his master. You? My master? Yes, scoundrel. Dare you deny me? I recognize no other master but Amphitrion. And who, except myself, can this Amphitrion be? Amphitrion. No doubt. What illusion is this? Tell me, in what honest tavern have you been muddling your brain? What again? Was the wine of the right sort? Oh heavens. Was it old or new? What insults? New is apt to get into one's head if drunk without water. Ah, certainly I shall tear out that tongue of yours. Pass on, my good friend. Believe me that no one here will listen to you. I have some respect for wine. Go on, get you away, and leave Amphitrion to the pleasures which he is enjoying. What? Is Amphitrion inside there? Indeed he is. He himself, covered with the laurels of a single victory, is with a fair alchmina, tasting the sweets of a charming interview. They are indulging in the pleasures of a reconciliation, after a rather whimsical love-tip. You had better beware how you disturb their sweet privacy, unless you wish him to punish you for your excessive rashness. Scene three. Amphitrion alone. Ah, how strangely has shocked my soul, and how cruelly disturbed my mind. And if matters stand as this wretch says, to what condition do I see my honour and affection reduced upon what am I to resolve? Am I to make it public or to keep it secret? And ought I, in my anger, to lock the disown of my house in my own breast or spread it abroad? What is there any need of consideration in so gross an insult? I have nothing to expect and nothing to compromise, and all my uneasiness only ought to tend to my revenge. Scene four. Amphitrion, Socia, Nocrates, and Polidas, at the further part of the stage. Socia, to Amphitrion. Sir? With all my diligence, all that I have been able to do is to bring you these gentlemen here. Ah, you are here. Sir? Insolent bold fellow. What now? I shall teach you to treat me thus. What is the matter? What ails you? Amphitrion, drawing his sword. What ails me, wretch? Socia, to Nocrates and Polidas. Help, gentlemen. Please, come quickly. Nocrates to Amphitrion. Oh, pray stop. What have I done? You ask me that, you rogue. To Nocrates. No, let me satisfy my just anger. When they hang a fellow, they at least tell him why they do it. Nocrates to Amphitrion. Pleased to tell us what his crime is. Yes, gentlemen. Pleased to insist upon that. How? He does not have the audacity to shut the door in my face and to add threats to a thousand insolent expressions. Wishing to strike him. Ah, you scoundrel! Socia, dropping on his knees. I am dead. Nocrates to Amphitrion. Calm this pression. Gentlemen. Polidas to Socia. What is it? Has he struck me? No. He must have his desserts for the language he made free with just now. How could that have been when I was elsewhere occupied by your orders? These gentlemen here can bear witness that I have just invited them to dine with you. It is true that he brought us this message and would not leave us. Who gave you that order? You. And when? After your reconciliation. Amid the transports of a soul delighted at having appeased Akmenna's anger. Socia gets up. Oh, heaven! Every instant, every step adds something to my cruel martyrdom. And in this fatal confusion I no longer know what to believe or what to say. All that he has just related to us of what happened at your house surpasses the natural so much that before doing anything and before flying into a passion you ought to clear up the whole of this adventure. Come, you may assist my efforts. And heaven brings you opportunally hither. Let us see what fortune may attend me to-day. Let us clear up this mystery and know our fate. Lass I burn to learn it and I dread it more than death. Anthitrion knocks at the door of his house. Scene five. Jupiter, Anthitrion, Nocrates, Poladas, Socia. What is this noise that obliges me to come down? And who knocks as if he were the master where I am? Just, gods, what do I see? Heaven! What prodigy is this? What? Who am Phytrion's area produced before us? Anthitrion aside. My senses are struck dumb. Alas, I can no longer bear it. The adventure is at an end. My fate is clear enough. And what I behold tells me everything. The more closely I view them, the more I find that they are like each other in everything. Socia crossing to the side of Jupiter. Gentlemen, this is the true one. The other is an impostor who deserves chastisement. Certainly this wonderful resemblance keeps my judgment in suspense. We have been deceived too much by an excreable scoundrel. I must break the spell with this steel. Nocrates to Amphitrion, who has drawn his sword. Stay! Let me alone. Ye gods, what would you do? Punish the vile deceptions of an impostor. Gently, gently, there is very little need of passion. And when a man bursts out in such a manner it leads us to suspect the goodness of his reasons. Yes, it is a magician who has a talisman about him to resemble the masters of houses. Amphitrion to Socia. I shall let you feel for your share a thousand blows for this abusive language. My master is a man of courage and he will not allow his people to be beaten. Let me satiate my fury and wash out my affront in this villain's blood. Nocrates stopping Amphitrion. We shall not suffer this strange combat of Amphitrion against himself. What? Does my honor receive this treatment from you? And do my friends embrace the cause of a rogue? Far from being the first to take up my revenge they themselves prove an obstacle to my resentment. What would you have us resolve at this site when between two Amphitrions all our friendship is in suspense? Should we now show our zeal to you we fear making a mistake and not recognizing you. We see forwelling you the image of Amphitrion the glorious support of the Thebans' welfare. But we also see the same image in him. Nor are we able to judge who is the real one. What we have to do is not doubtful and the imposter ought to die by our hands. But this perfect resemblance conceals in between you two and is too hazardous a stroke to undertake without being certain. Let us ascertain gently on which side the imposter can be and the moment we have disentangled the adventure you will have no need to tell us our duty. Yes, you are right and this resemblance authorizes you to doubt about both of us. I am not offended at seeing you wavering thus. I am more reasonable and can make allowances for you. The eye can detect no difference between us and I see that one can easily be mistaken. You do not see me show my anger nor draw my sword. That is a bad method of clearing up this mystery and I can find one more gentle and more certain. One of us is Amphitrion and both of us may seem so to your eyes. It is for me to put an end to this confusion and I intend to make myself so well known to everyone that at the convincing proofs of who I may be he himself shall agree about the blood from which I spring and not have any further occasion to say anything. In the sight of all the Thebans I will discover to you the real truth and the matter is undoubtedly of sufficient importance to require the circumstance of it being cleared up before everyone. Alchemina expects from me this public testimony. Her virtue, which is being outraged by the publicity of this disorder demands justification and I am going to take care of it. My love for her binds me to it and I shall convene an assembly of the noblest chiefs for an elucidation which her honor requires. While awaiting these desirable witnesses pray please to honor the table to which Socia has invited you. I was not mistaken, gentlemen. This word puts an end to all irresolution. The real Amphitrion is the Amphitrion who gives dinners. Oh, heavens! Can I see myself humiliated much lower? What? How much I suffer the martyrdom of listening to all that this imposter has just said to my face and have my hands tied whilst this discourse drives me furious? No critis to Amphitrion. You complain wrongly. Allow us to await the elucidation which shall render resentments seasonable. I do not know whether he imposes upon us but he speaks as if he had right on his side. Go, weak friends, and flatter the imposture. Thebes is other friends, different from you, and I am going to find some who, sharing the insult done to me, will know how to lend their hand to avenge my just anger. Well, I await them, and I shall know to decide the quarrel in their presence. Scoundrel! You think perhaps to escape by these means, but nothing shall shield you from my revenge. I shall not condescend to answer this insulting language at present, and by and by I shall be able to confound this rage with two words. Not heaven. Not heaven itself shall shield you from it, and I shall dog your footsteps even unto hell. There will be no need of that, and you shall soon see that I will not fly. Amfitrion aside. Come, let us, before he gets out with them, make haste to assemble such friends as will second my vengeance, and who will come to my house to lend me assistance to pierce him with a thousand wounds. Theon Six. Jupiter. Nocrates. Poladas. Socia. No ceremony I beseech you. Let us go quickly within doors. Certainly the whole of this adventure puzzles the senses and the reason. A truce, gentlemen, to all your surprises. Enjoyfully sit down to feast till morning. Alone. Now for a good feed, and to put myself in condition to relate our valiant deeds. I am itching to be at it, and I was never so hungry in my life. Seen Seven. Mercury. Socia. Stop. What? You come to poke your nose in here you impudent plate liquor. For mercy's sake, gently. Ah, you are at it again. I shall dust your coat for you. Alas! Brave and generous I compose yourself, I beg of you. Socia. Spare Socia a little and do not amuse yourself in cuddling yourself. Who gave you permission to call yourself by that name? Did I not expressly forbid you to do so, under penalty of a thousand blows? It is a name we both may bear at the same time under the same master. I am known for Socia everywhere. I allow that you should be he. Allow that I may be he also. Let us leave it to the two Amphitrions to display their jealousies, and, amidst their contentions, let us make the two Socias live in peace. No, one is quite enough, and I am obstinate in allowing no dividing. You shall have the precedence over me. I shall be the younger and you the elder. No! A brother is troublesome, and it is not to my taste that I wish to be an only son. Oh, barbarous and tyrannical heart, allow me at least to be your shadow. Nothing of the kind. Let your soul humanize itself with a little pity. So for me to be near you in that capacity. I shall be such a submissive shadow everywhere that you shall be satisfied with me. The decree is immutable. If you again have the audacity to enter there, a thousand blows shall be the consequence. Alack, poor Socia! To what cruel disgrace are you reduced? What? Your lips still take the liberty of giving yourself a name which I forbid? No, I was not hearing myself. And I was speaking of an old Socia who was formally a relative of mine and whom, with the greatest barbarity, they drove out at the dinner hour. Beware falling into that mistake if you wish to remain among the living. Socia, aside. How I would thrash you if I had the courage for your too inflated pride you double son of a strumpet. What are you saying? Nothing. You are? I believe muttering something to yourself. Ask anyone. I did not so much as breathe. Certain words about the son of a strumpet have struck my ear. Nothing is more certain. It must be some parrot awakened by the beautiful weather. Farewell. If your back should itch. This is the spot where I reside. Socia, alone. Oh heavens. The cursedest hour to be turned out of doors is the dinner hour. Come, let us submit to fate and our affliction. Let us today follow blind caprice and by a proper union join the unfortunate Socia to the unfortunate Amphitrion. I perceive him coming in good company. Seen eight Amphitrion are defunted us, possibly Socia, in a corner of the stage without being seen. Amphitrion to several other officers who accompany him. Stay here, gentlemen. Follow us from a little distance and do not all come forward, I pray, until there is need for it. I understand that this blow must touch you to the very heart. My grief, alas, is poignant at all points, and I suffer in my affection as much as in my honour. If this resemblance is such as is said, I'll come in without being to blame. Ah, in the matter in question, a simple error becomes a real crime, and against its will, innocence perishes in it. Such errors, look at them in whatever light you will, touch us in the most delicate moments, and reason often pardons them when honour and love cannot do so. I do not perplex my thoughts about that, but I hate your gentlemen for their shameful delay, and that is a proceeding which wounds me to the quicken of which people who have their hearts in the right place will never approve. When any one employs us, we should head foremost through ourselves into his concerns. Our Gada fontitas is not for compromising matters. It does not become men of honour to listen to the arguments of a friend's adversary. One should listen only to revenge at such times. Such a proceeding does not suit me, and one should begin always in those quarrels by running a man through the body without much ado. Yes, you shall see whatever happens that our Gada fontitas goes straight to the point, and I must crave as a particular favour that the scoundrel shall die by no other hand than mine. Come on! Societ to Amphitrion. I come, sir, to undergo on both knees the just punishment of a cursed insolence. Strike, beat, thrash, overwhelm me with blows. Kill me in your anger. You will do it well. I deserve it. And I shall say not a word against you. Get up! What are they doing? I have been turned away without ceremony. And thinking to eat and be merry like them I did not imagine that, in fact, I was waiting there to give myself a beating. Yes, the other I, servant to the other you, has played the very devil with me again. The same harsh destiny seems to pursue us both at present, sir, and in short they have unsociated me as a unamphitrionned you. Follow me. Is it not better to see if anybody is coming? Seen nine, clientis amphitrion, argatifontitas, poladas, anocratis, pulsacles, socia. What scares you, sir? What is the fear with which I inspire you? Hello, the mercy. You are up there, and yet I see you here. Do not be in a hurry. Here he comes to give the wished-for explanation before us all, and which, if we may believe what he has just said about it, shall at once dispel your troubling care. Seen ten, mercury amphitrion, argatifontitas, poladas, anocratis, pulsacles, clientis, socia. Yes, you all shall see him, in no beforehand that it is the great master of the gods, whom, under the beloved features of this resemblance, Alcmina has caused to descend hither from the heavens. And as for me, I am mercury, who, not knowing what to do, has thrashed more or less him whose form I have assumed. But now he may comfort himself, for the blows of a god confer honor upon him who recedes them. Upon my word, Mr. God, I am your servant, but I could have dispensed with your courtesy. I henceforth give him leave to be socia. I am tired of wearing such an ugly face, and I am going to the skies to wash it off entirely with ambrosia. Mercury ascends to heaven. May heaven forever deprive you of the fancy of coming near me again. Your fury against me has been too inveterate, and never in my life did I see a god who was more of a devil than you. In eleven, Jupiter, Amphitrion, Nocrates, Agatefontidas, Poladas, Posicles, Clianthus, Socia. Jupiter, announced by the noise of thunder, armed with his thunderbolt in a cloud on his eagle. Behold Amphitrion, who has imposed upon you, and see Jupiter appearing in his own features. By these signs you may easily recognize him, and it is sufficient, I think, to reinstate your heart in the condition in which it ought to be, and to restore peace and happiness in your family. My name which the whole world incessantly worships quells in this case all scandal that might be spread. A share with Jupiter has nothing dishonorable in it, and doubtless it can be only glorious to find oneself the rival of the sovereign of the gods. I see no reason in it that your love should murmur, and it is I, God as I am, who in this adventure should be jealous. Alchemyna is wholly yours, whatever pains may be taken, and it must be very gratifying to your love to see that there is no other way of pleasing her than to assume the appearance of her husband, that even Jupiter, adorned by his immortal glory, could not by himself conquer her fidelity, and that what she granted him has, by her ardent heart, been granted only to you. My Lord Jupiter knows how to guild the pill! Banish therefore your gloomy and heartfelt grief, and restore its wanted calm to the ardor which consumes you. In your house shall be born a son, who under the name of Hercules shall fill the vast universe with his exploits. A glorious fate bearing a thousand blessings shall prove to everyone that I am your support. I shall make your destiny the envy of the whole world. You may safely flatter yourself with these promised hopes. It is a crime to doubt them. The words of Jupiter are the decrees of fate. He vanishes in the clouds. Certainly I am enraptured at these brilliant marks. Gentlemen, will you please to follow my opinion? Embark not in these pretty congratulations, it is a bad investment, and pretty phrases are embarrassing on either side in such a compliment. The great God Jupiter has done us much honour, and no doubt his goodness towards us is unequaled. He promises the certain felicity of a glorious fate bearing a thousand blessings, and that in our house shall be born a very mighty son. Nothing could be better than all this. But in short a truce to speeches, and that everyone retire in peace. It is always best in these matters to say nothing.