 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob Dyle. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to be talking about other people's opinions and we're going to be talking about other people's advice. I was on a Zoom call earlier today and it was with one of the courses that I teach and one of the people asked a question like, how do you stop caring about other people's opinions and the thing that I said to them was record 1400 episodes of a podcast and just see if you care anymore because what happens is as you start putting out more content or stepping more and more into who you actually truly are and discovering who you truly are, you just stop caring about what other people happen to say about you, what their opinions are about you and you stop caring about other people's advice depending on where they are. And so we're going to talk about advice and opinions and how to decipher who's advice you should and shouldn't take, whose opinions matter and whose opinions don't really matter. And so you might have a great mother. I have a friend who's got an incredible mom, but she likes to give business advice and it's really funny because she's never run a business and my friend has been wanting to start a business for a really long time but hasn't started the business because every time he has an idea, his mother seems to put her two cents in and tell him why it's not the right time or there's a recession or there's something coming up and you shouldn't do this because of this and that's not a good idea because of this or maybe you should go back to school because of this and she always talks about why it's not a good idea to start a business and therefore my friend has never started a business and today we're going to talk about how to not care about other people's opinions and how to decipher who's advice you actually want to take right and when we look at advice and we look at opinions the first thing that pops in my head is like that that people probably have a question of is like why do we care so much? Why do we care about other people's opinions? It could be somebody online we've never met before and we've only seen their little profile picture and we care about what they say to us or about us and what it comes back to and I always try to bring my mind back to okay why does this fit if we go back 200,000 years to like cavemen cavewoman days why does it matter what other people's opinions are and it always goes back to being tribal like being tribal beings we had to fit in to survive that's what it comes down to if we didn't fit in we were definitely going to be kicked out of the tribe we were definitely going to die and so it matters 200,000 years ago but today when you know we don't have to rely on other people necessarily a big group of people to keep us in the tribe it doesn't really necessarily matter but it doesn't mean that our brain has changed much over the years our brains hasn't had brains haven't changed much over the past few hundred thousand years but our circumstances of what life looks like now today and what it looks like 200,000 years ago are completely different and so back in the day if the tribe didn't like you you are going to die but today if Nancy from accounting doesn't like you it doesn't fucking matter but we still think that it matters and that part of our brain still exists and part of the reason why we care so much of stepping out of our comfort zone and how many likes we get on instagram and the comments and oh my gosh i only got 12 likes i got 27 on my last post should i delete this should i not delete this something i do wrong maybe i don't look as good as i did in the last one maybe i'm not maybe in the video that i created and the things that i said i didn't get off the the communication the way that i could have we really at our core we just want to fit in like we just want to be liked and our my favorite quote around this is jim carrey when he was giving an accept another acceptance speech a speech to to college kids that were graduating he said your need for acceptance will make you invisible in this world and what we try to do is even though it's not necessary anymore we make ourselves invisible we make ourselves fit in but what's crazy about it is when you look at somebody who like you really look up to like somebody who's like your idol and let's say your idol not like outside of like your your mom your dad your parents all that your grandparents all that but you look at someone who's like let's say a famous person right famous person or a world leader or someone who is still alive or was alive at some point in time when you look up to when you look at someone that you look up to you could look at like lebron james or you could look at opera or you could look at the rock or will smith or elon musk or obama or whoever it is that that inspires you to be better and you look at that person and you ask yourself this question do they fit in with everybody else the answer is no they don't there's something about them or many things about them that make them not fit in with society they are usually like pretty much always an outlier so if you look up to that person and you want to be more like them the last thing that you should want is to fit in with other people i don't know about you guys and this is nothing nothing wrong with other people who exist in this world but when i look at the world and i look at society as a whole the last thing i want to do is be like that like there's a there's no part of me that's like yeah i want that life i want i want a life where i'm anxious and miserable and have a job that i hate and you know have 2.4 kids and i take my traumas and push my traumas onto my like there's nothing there's nothing about it that makes me go yeah that's what i want to be like not there's anything wrong with people i just think that so many people are stuck and they don't know they're stuck i think that so many people were born to be unique and they are through you know society and through our parents and all that stuff we are domesticated really we are just domesticated we're told what we are supposed to do what we're not supposed to do we figure out what makes us good little boys and girls we figure out makes us bad little boys and girls most of the time we end up over time just becoming those good little boys and girls and getting away from being the bad little boys and girls and so we've learned to fit in we've been taught to fit in when you're in school you have to be that they're at a certain time and the bell will ring and then you can't be tardy and or else you're a bad kid and if you want to go use the potty you got to raise your hand you got to get a hall pass to go use the potty which is the most natural thing that you can do is which is you know nature's calling you got to go pee somewhere right but they don't fit in the people that we look up to don't fit in and so we've been raised to fit in and so there's a part of us that wants to fit in in our brain there's a part of us that has been taught to fit in and so we've got to override the entire system to be somebody different you were created uniquely you've been domesticated to be the same and you need to undomesticate yourself in order to actually step back into being who you truly are what's another common thing about the people that you really look up to the most a certain percentage of people hate them for some reason right when you look at LeBron James like I'm a decent LeBron James fan I'm not a big LeBron James fan but I can look at him and go wow yeah that's that's greatness in person like he is and I'm a huge Michael Jordan fan he is LeBron James one of the best basketball players that's ever played so many people hate LeBron and I think one of the reasons why they hate him is because of fact that he shows them what greatness looks like what greatness can be in any person and because they're not great and they've never stepped into greatness of themself it's easier just to put somebody down and tell us talk about why they're bad and why they're not good enough versus be like yeah I'm really fucking inspired by that person right they all have some form of haters everybody I named has haters when you look at LeBron James he has haters when you look at Oprah he has haters when she has haters the rock he has haters will Smith he's got a lot more haters after the whole slap thing right when you look at Elon Musk he's got a whole lot of haters after buying Twitter all of these people have haters all over the place but they I think they do have more people that love them and so what we fear is a lack of acceptance don't we like that's really something that kind of scares the shit out of us if you go and you do anything great in this world you will have people that will hate on you or resist your greatness in some sort of way people will always do that and the funny thing about it is that the amount of people that are haters quote unquote haters is this teeny tiny minuscule amount of people right like I have people that are haters and all I do is just try to put out positive shit in the world like that's I people that talk trash but it's like one out of every thousand people that leave a comment 9999 will be positive and one of them is going to be negative but so many of us hold ourselves back because of that one out of a thousand we're afraid of that one of a thousand saying something to us you know if you're going to do anything out of the ordinary you will have haters and let me tell you what a hater is and sadly it's just the way that it is a hater doesn't hate you they don't hate you they hate themselves and what they're doing is they're projecting their hate from themselves onto you because they are so unsatisfied with their life you are a representation of what they could be but they're holding themselves back and so what haters do is they like to project their hate to momentarily make themselves feel better than the person that they're hating on when in reality all they're doing is just typing on a keyboard and so haters don't hate you if you get a hater they don't hate you they hate themselves you stepping into your truest self reflects to them that they are not stepping into their truest self so they try to bring you down to bring themselves up but we still want to be accepted fuck i still want to be accepted by that hater right we still have that inside of us and it's about turning a blind eye to and saying this thing that i'm doing is so important to me is the reason why i'm alive and i'm going to follow this path of my greatest self and stepping into my true potential no matter what somebody else says it's not about being loved by everyone it's about knowing whose opinions matter to you and whose opinions don't matter to you and so one of the things i think is the most important that i recommend everybody that's listening to is make a list of the people whose opinions truly matter to you what's funny is when you make this list it's going to be a whole lot smaller than you think it is think about that for a second we tend to care about everybody's opinions of us but then if you were to make a list of the people whose opinions really really truly absolutely matter to you it's a tiny little list do you know how big my list is it's like three people three people who i know love me at the core of who they are and if they said hey this this and this i'd be like oof this person is saying this because they actually truly care about me and they want the best for me most people who are online they don't really care about you want the best for you and so it's about finding out whose advice that you would take but then also finding out what you would want their advice for like these people would never steer me wrong they'll always put me back on track but you could also go okay like is my mom on that list my mom is on that list but if my mom wanted to give me business advice i probably wouldn't take it because my mom's never run a business at the scale of the business that i have right nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with her having a business or not having a business but so many people like to overstep their boundaries and tell you advice that really they're not the type of person that you would want advice from so i know so many people that want to start a business like lots of people who want to start a business but their parents their mom or their dad just use their mom as an example so we don't keep bouncing back and forth their mom says it's oh there's a recession you shouldn't do that that business doesn't make any sense you're not going to make any money doing that you should go back to school and get your degree and then you look at it and it's like well has your mom ever built a business no so why are you taking advice from her on that maybe your mom's a really loving incredible sweet person if she's giving you advice on how to be a better person or how to be more loving or how to be a better parent take that advice but if she's giving business advice and she's never run a business before why would you take that advice if someone says something negative to you and they're not on your list of people who you really truly care about their advice you can't give it any time and it's not about not caring about other people's opinions it's about caring about a select few people's opinions and what category you're going to take their advice from because people love to give advice like people love to give their advice out do you know why they call it giving it giving their two cents because that's basically all that it's worth when someone gives you their two cents it's basically worth two cents so you have to pay attention to whose advice you're taking and what you're taking their advice for so like I gave the example of like your mom was starting a business she might be a great mother and if you're a woman or a father she could if you're a woman or you're a man and you have children your mom could probably give you incredible parenting advice so if she gives you that advice you better take it but if she tells you how to invest your money and she doesn't have much money in her bank account or she's never built wealth she's probably not the best person to learn from it's like if if a homeless person came up to you and they said let me give you some investing advice would you take that advice from them probably not so you got to think about that it's like your broke his friend coming up and being like hey let me tell you what you should do you're going to need to invest in a crypto you're going to need to invest into this you know the the s and p 500 you need to invest in this you're probably not going to take advice from your broke his friend but let's say that you have a CEO of a ten million dollar company that you know and they want to give you business business advice would you listen to that advice hell yeah absolutely if that person has a life that i've wanted in some category you want to take advice from them if you're building a business and you happen to know somebody has a ten million dollar your business and they want to give you business advice take that but let's say that exact same person has a terrible marriage the relationship is failing their children hate them and they're like hey let me give you some relationship advice too nope don't need that one i'll take the business advice for me man i'm not taking the relationship advice because your relationship looks like it's in shambles right would you take a relationship advice from someone who's been you know had terrible relationships their entire life probably not now have they learned stuff in those terrible relationships and they probably learned and grown along the way but just be careful of who you take advice from in what you take advice as well in a very easy question to ask yourself is would you want to trade places with them in what they're giving you advice on so would you want to trade places with them with what they're giving you advice on so this guy who has a ten million dollar your business and your business is brand new would you want to trade places with them in his business probably okay take his business advice he's giving you relationship advice now would you want to trade places with him in his relationship when you look at the fact that his wife doesn't really like him anymore and his children said x y z about him is it's kind of in shambles, probably not the best person to take advice from. Your mother gives you advice on how to be an incredible parent and she is an incredible parent. Do you want to take that advice? Absolutely. Would you want to trade place in her and be able to be like her as a parent? Absolutely. Okay. Take that advice. When she tells you what you do to do with your business, should you take that advice? You shouldn't. Your broke friend wants to give you advice on how to invest your money. Should you take that advice? No. Do they have other positive qualities you might take advice from them on? Sure. But it's about discerning who you want to take advice from in what categories of life you want to take advice from them on. Anybody outside of that piece of paper that you wrote down doesn't matter. They don't know you enough. They don't care about you enough. Skip their advice in one ear out the other. And it's not, I don't want you to think there's necessarily something wrong with other people because I don't want to give that impression that there's people that are wrong or, oh my gosh, they're just leaving mediocre lives and their life sucks. I don't want their life. I don't want you to think that. I just want you to think, from the perspective of your life and where your life is going, is this someone that you really need to listen to their advice? If the answer is no and you would not want to trade places from them, don't pay attention to it in one ear out the other. There's nothing wrong with someone giving you advice, but be very smart about whose advice you take and whose advice you don't. And if they're outside of that piece of paper and they give you advice or they give you their opinion, it doesn't matter. Because really what truly matters is that you're on the path of your life to building your greatest self and if somebody wants to give you their advice and it doesn't line up with the advice that you want, whether it's your advice that you truly feel deep down in your heart as a right advice, don't listen to them. Don't let other people's advice or other people's opinions hold you back from creating the life that you want. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Also, it's so funny. So many people are like, oh, I've only ever seen a picture of you on your logo on the Mindset Mentor podcast. We do have an entire YouTube station with 150 or whatever it is, 1,000 people that follow me on there. If you want to see this podcast and all of the other stuff that we create on YouTube, you can actually watch the podcast. You could pull me up on YouTube and put it on your TV and play me in the living room. You could see my face and you could see all of the crazy reactions that I have and hands flying all over the place. So if you are on YouTube and you want to follow us on YouTube, just type my name in RobDial, it'll pop up. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.