 Hello and welcome to the free art show. I'm Kim Holm and with me is my lovely wife Beanie. Hello. Yes, we're doing it tight. And yes, the free art show is the very tight show where I draw your request and put them up for free use. And we also have a contest. Do you see this free art show intro card? It's a postcard and you can win it. But first, let's draw who won last week's intro card. We have six commenters on YouTube who all have an equal chance to win. The dice decides. And the dice decides. If we get more than six comments on YouTube, we will have to have a really geeky dice. We're hoping to get a d10 next week and then a d12 and then a d20 and then a d100. Sure. Sure. My wife didn't understand anything of that but you understand because you're watching this. Okay, let's see what the dice says. The dice says that Mona wins the card. Not this card. But this card. Number four is Mona. So Congress, Mona. And now we're going to explain the rules again. If you want to win this, you have to go to my YouTube channel. This week's intro card. And just subscribe and comment and then you may win. If you do it by the next live stream. And then we're not finished rolling the dice because we have... It's so hard to decide what he wants to draw. This week we had about 20 suggestions and we cut it down to six different suggestions. We have Matteo who says draw your take on the three swords monument outside of Stavanger. And I know the monument somewhat. So that is... it's a cool monument. It's statues of three swords standing in the stones out by a fjord or by the open sea I think. I haven't seen them in real life. Morten says he said a king for an emperor on the toilet. Yes, and I went for Odin. Yes, my lovely wife went for the king of the gods of Valhalla. Odin sitting on the toilet. That's number two. Oh wait. I'm rooting for that one actually. Did you get the poo pun? Oh yes, I put it on number two. And is it Ilmar? Ilmar wants a tired night sitting by the campfire and wondering if his quest is over. And then RCVPV wants depression. He or she doesn't want depression. People seldom want depression. But you can't always get what you want. And he wants me to draw a symbol. Something symbolizing depression. And I pushed him a bit on it. And what was it? Someone trying to escape from a... Dark hole or something. Dark hole. Yeah. I'm getting something. I don't know. And then we have Drenua who wants a monkey neatly opening another monkey like it was unwrapping another monkey like it was a pheasant. That's just grisly. And then we have Hanna who wants a nightmarish phoenix. It's like the bird phoenix. So that might be fun. That was number six. Let us see what I'm going to draw today. Number four. I want number two. We all want number two sometimes. But this time we went for depression. Okay then. I'm going to go out of my comfort zone. To draw the depression. Yeah. I don't know where to start. In your head. In your head. Well we can start by... Okay I'm sorry for mocking you. The cranberries. I don't know which way this will be even. But we'll see. I will not be using red I think. For depression? Yeah. You need something blue. But I can talk about depression. It's an expertise of mine. I'm one of those sorry bastards that have basically struggled with depression every day I was 12 or 13 or something to that extent. And the analogy of a hole is sort of slip sliding back into a hole. There is a good image for it. I don't quite remember when my depression started. But I remember in 7th or 8th grade when I was 14 or 15 I had the clear conviction that I had been depressed with suicidal thoughts for every single day for at least a year. So that was happy. Bridgette Sadova Adam says hi. Hello. Today we're drawing depression. On the request of someone. And during all those years since I was 12, 13 and the depression started I haven't been able to figure out how to beat them. But I've been slowly, slowly getting a lot better at managing them. And at the same time I'm getting better at managing them. The depressions are also coming harder and harder. So it's a constant uphill fight. And just for transparency's sake Now when I'm drawing this, when a stranger on the internet gave me the request of drawing depression I was already a few days into what I suspect will be a pretty harsh depression. It seems like it. And whatever I'm doing now, I should draw more and talk less. Whatever I'm doing now is just an act to make you not notice how awful I feel. So this is kind of perfect subject matter to draw. And that's one of the things that Bridgette says. Depression is something no one should go through. And I'm sorry you had to go through a stage of mind. Thank you. I think, I almost think that depression is something everyone should go through once in a while but not too often. I don't want to romanticize it. I don't want to say that depression is good or anything like that. But having been at your imaginary lowest can help you with empathy. With depressed beings. Not depressed but with people who are in lousy situations. I think. And also one of the things that is really hard as an artist is that when I'm depressed I don't like my stuff at all. I really don't like what I'm drawing when I'm depressed. I will not be satisfied with this one no matter how good it turns out. I hope it turns out excellent. Maybe I will see that in a month or two. But at the same time at least the way my brain works and I'm very sure it's not the same way for every depressed person. But the way my mind works even though I'm depressed it's still pointing out real problems in my art. And in my personality and in everything. So the problems. So you're saying your depressive thoughts have some truth to them. Yeah they're exaggerated but they're pointing to problems. And in life it's hard to take that criticism to heart. But in art it's easier for me to sort of come out of a depressive period with a new insight in my work. And I'm not saying that if I could, like every depressed person, a depressed creative person at least, I've been afraid that if I lose my depressions I will lose my creativity. But I do think that's bullshit. The experience of having been depressed will stay with me. And it's valuable in some sense. Bridget says I understand what you're saying. Thank you Bridget. And so I think that it's bullshit that your creativity goes away if you get well. But at the same time there is something valuable there. Like there is something valuable in all experiences that you survive. And experience makes you smarter I think. Except experiences that make you dumber. So what I'm doing now, and it actually is some way it helps talking while doing this. Because when I talk I can't really focus too much on what I'm drawing. And I'm just trying to let it come naturally. So it's this guy crawling, he's probably crawling through depression. And it's like this whole, we will let something drip here. Depressions are dripping beans. Ah, beautiful. And it helps talking a bit too much. Because then I can't think of what I'm drawing. Then I just have to follow whatever happens. And if I stop and start thinking about this, I'm sure the depression will kick in. And I will think that this is fucking silly. But hopefully it's not. I can't really think about it too much. Right before the live stream today, I was watching wrestling. Live wrestling, WWE, Sasha Banks versus Daily. And it was a pretty good Iron Man match. And towards the end it was just crawling and trying to reach the ropes. And I'm guessing that's what got into my brain. So that's why I'm drawing this. So you can imagine that this is Daily. That Sasha Banks will come here. Oh yeah, dragging. Dragging is a good word. Dragging you back down. Yeah, so I think that conceptually this should be a good image of depression. And then it's all execution. Going to switch to a thinner brush. Don't pick on the table because the microphone picks it up. Sorry, now I'm going over to a thinner brush to sort of start defining things more. And like I'm doing with most of these drawings, I... Great that Sasha wants to get into drawing. Cool, getting into drawing is something that people should do. People don't cherish that. Oh yeah, I really believe that the main reason why people stop drawing is because of how our schools are organized. Because every... You blame the schools for everything. Yes, I do also blame the schools for my depression. But this is sort of more specific than that. Or as specific as that. I think that the one thing is that the school system is so focused on written skills. Because those are easy to teach and easy to define. While artistic skills are really hard to teach. Especially to teach to many kids at the same time. So that's one problem. And also, schools are focused on what's right and what's wrong. And in drawing, there isn't a clear distinction between right and wrong. No, you can learn how to draw anatomy and perspective and color theory and everything perfectly. But it's completely wrong if you want to do a stick figure comic. And perhaps that is the best way you can say what you want to say. Because drawing is... You often think about it as just self-expression. But it's not just self-expression. It can be self-expression. But it's a language. It's a way of expressing yourself to others. And whether you want to express very sophisticated, detailed ideas or you just want to express your love for the natural beauty of the world or you want to express something silly with a stick figure. Drawing is... At times it is so much superior to words. Because it can... A picture says more than a thousand words. A picture does say more than a thousand words. Or it can. And it can also say things that are unutterable. Anna says homework, winky face. Yes. Yes, nobody likes homework. So what I've found when working with kids teaching them drawing or comics I've found that every kid draws when they're eight. And then they start... Some stop early when they're nine. And by the time they're 12, almost everyone has stopped drawing. Because they can't draw. If you ask them, do you know how to draw? They say, no, I don't know how to draw. And that's bullshit. Especially since they draw letters all day. If you can draw letters, then you can draw whatever you want. You have the motor skills in your hand to draw whatever you want. As long as you can write somewhat legible letters. So doctors control. Doctors, yeah, doctors control. There's a lot of things you don't want to have written. Many people make fun of the IKEA user manuals instructions. Yes, just imagine the clusterfuck if they were written. Take the doohickey and turn it twice into the thingamabob. And then at an angle, you can't explain those things as easily and as precisely in words. So both when it comes to expressing yourself and when it comes to describing a physical reality, drawing has a lot of things that you can't do in any other way. That's the same for any medium. Singing is great for self-expression. Not so great for IKEA instructions. It would be good though, I think. Anna says, hello, I'm helping Sara with her work animation illustration. And since I don't know much about it, who best to show than one of my references, our dear Kim. Yes, was there a question there? No, I don't think so. Although you can probably talk about other references if you want to. I'm a bit slow today. What do you mean? Other videos, other artists. That you should watch. No, it was just a hello, she says. Okay, just a hello. Hello! Since we're drawing depression, and I've gotten to vent about being depressed, perhaps I can try to talk about some of the artists where I feel at home in their depression. I'm trying to think about what type of art I like watching. That's got that feeling. Every weird frame of mind has got its own sort of style. So you've got the neurotic art of someone like our crumb, Robert's crumb, which I very much feel at home with, even though I'm not all that neurotic, I think. All the artists I'm thinking about are, of course, comic book artists, because that's what inspired me all my life. Because you used to be one. Yes. You are my company this Sunday, Anna says. Excellent. That's nice. And thinking, well, there are some non-comic artists that I do feel resonate with me, especially in my down periods. Like, for instance, Francis Bacon, who is not the philosopher, magician, which has this kind of vicious quality where it's a lot of evil in his art that I kind of resonate with how I view the world when I am down. I find that just even visually, things and people start looking evil. I can watch paces on the streets. They look sort of like some of the worst of Francis Bacon. I think the German expressionist, the surrealist war painter Otto Dix, which has a good name. And there's an ugliness there. I feel, resonates. When I was younger, I was drawn towards these melancholy depictions of depression. But there's something there. I can enjoy drawing someone staring blankly out into the fog with shadow on the face and a single tear burning down the cheek. That's so meaningful. But watching it, not so much. Not anymore. And there's a problem here. The problem is that... What don't you like? I think the fact that it's light here. Would you like it to be darker? I would like it to be dark, but with that ruin, everything. I'll wait a bit and consider that. And while I consider it, I'll use some white paint. We are drawing with golden fluid acrylics. Using it basically as it was inked. They also have... They also have some acrylic ink, which I do like. And they have... Usually, I draw in China. Hello, Mona! Our dear winner of today's postcard. You won today, Mona. You won a postcard. Good job on the commenting. Yes. Let's see if we can find the postcard you won. You won this postcard. No, no, that's... That's correct. Maybe you should number them. Yes, I should. We'll start numbering them next week. So, congrats. And we're also... The request today is to draw depression. It is so fitting. One of the things I find in art is... I don't really find that much comfort in art, but I do find resonance as important. And different art this sort of can have different parts that I really empathize with, and others that I don't get at all. It is also often hard for me to look back at art that I made when I'm in the deeper states of depression, because it reminds me of... I can't see what I have actually drawn. It just reminds me of... We'll go with... We'll do something here. The monster will have three eyes. I'm guessing that's a symbol of some sort of enlightenment through depression, which is not really the point here. I want it to be... Yeah, and we need to make things black behind the characters. We'll just do a little bit lighter on the figures. That's too light, but we're getting there. It actually looks good. Did the visualization of those monsters help you through dark times, as Ana? Yes, sometimes... Sometimes just drawing random shapes in ink, especially, and just figuring out the worst aspects of them, and just digging into the ugliest parts of what I'm able to draw. There's going stream of consciousness. It's something that I can appreciate also while being depressed, and I can do, and it feels worthwhile. So it doesn't in itself make me feel better, but it makes me feel better in the sense that I didn't want to do anything today when I woke up, but now I've drawn a fantastic, ugly, shitty monster. That feels good. It's a job, mission accomplished. So yeah, drawing... And also there are, at times in my worst depressions, there are drawings and projects that I've started that probably will never be shown to another living soul, which are just in order to figure out what is happening in my head. And that does help. And you do have things like art, therapy and stuff, but I've never... I've always intended to research that, but I have never actually done it. So that's something I reckon I will get into at some point in my life. I do like using art, therapy quickly for myself, and I do like teaching and talking and holding courses and stuff, so maybe that would be a great idea. A good idea. I don't know how to be great. I like that the ground is sort of holding him back. Perhaps it needs to hold here as well. I think we're nearing something here. Things are getting close to something that looks finished. Stop that. No, thank you, honey. I'll take comfort-eating when I'm done and when I'm just... That's another thing about... Since we're drawing depression, we're talking about depression, and another thing is what happens when you have to perform publicly when depressed. And I noticed that I'm always disorganized, but I'm a bit more disorganized and I'm a bit slower, and I'm not as in control of the chaos, and it's going okay, but I know that when I'm done, I will get anxiety. Did I say anything stupid on my art show? Oh, you never say anything stupid, baby. The thing is I always say something stupid, but I don't really care that much unless I'm in a depression. But still, I think it's better for me to just keep on trucking and get this stuff done than it would be to flake out and restarted Free Art Friday and now the Free Art show quite some time. Sometimes, but it's better when I just learn how to keep on trucking, I think. It's nice to respect your own rhythm and adapt accordingly because there are patterns in your experience already, says Anna. Yes, and that's the important thing. While some aspects of the depressions just keep getting worse, I am a lot better at managing. If I wasn't better, I probably wouldn't be here. But luckily, I learned sometimes. That's a lifesaver. And yes, there are patterns. I'm much better at recognizing when I'm pushing myself past my limits and not always stopping, but just judging whether I should stop or not. Too much, too much. Yeah, this is going to be good. It needs to dry a bit before I... and we need to accentuate some of these a bit. That's the tiny bit. And then we're going to get some of the blacks back and then I think we're going to be finished. Then absolutely no need to force otherwise on a slightly better community. Susanna. Yeah, careful about forcing yourself, if you're prone to these moods. Okay, I think part of this looks lovely. What do you think? Just to widen the perspective on the conversation. Not necessarily to go in depth, but one thing that's probably in many ways worse or as bad as being depressed is, of course, a living with a depressed person. That's not fun. We're not that fun to be around. Oh, you're lovely. Anna says, not to this. Thank you, it looks lovely. XOXO. XOXO. She didn't say that. And Muna Nigo says it looks great. Thumbs up. Thank you, Muna. Now, we're nearing the end here, so if you like what I'm drawing, please share the video, whether you share the livestream or the YouTube version with better sound and video. I'm still on properly, and you're wrong. And that was my train of thought. Sorry. And if you like the art, this art specifically, then it's for sale only until the next livestream for 100 euro, including international shipping. And you must claim it by posting claim or sending me a message in any of the places where it will be released. Anna says, well, we aren't that much to be fun. We aren't that much fun to be around, but, like my friend says, say, it's never boring. Yeah, that's... Oh, actually, some of my depressions are very, very boring because you don't really have the energy to do anything, so you just sit around. Okay, and if you want to follow, if you want to support me even more than buying the art, you can use the art when it's released for free and put up at my gallery, and you can go to my, let's say, my resting, but soon-to-be-awoken Patreon campaign, Patreon.com slash came home, where you can support me with a monthly sum, and a few of you do, so that's helped me a lot, especially through periods where there's been more depression than work. That is something I can't say enough how grateful I am for anyone who has the good heart to support what I do. I couldn't do it without you. Oh, and this piece of art, I think I'm finished. I'll sign it, then I'll be finished. It's against the law to continue on the work of art after you've signed it. This video will be up on YouTube in a couple of days. Go and subscribe to youtube.com slash den unge herholm. Slash user slash den unge herholm. Slash user slash den unge herholm, sorry. Apparently, I don't know. Yep, and if you do that, and comment on the video, then you can win this piece of art. The intro postcard, which we will send to you with a little message. And with that, I think we're finished. You feel better after drawing depression? I wasn't allowed to draw properly because of the microphone. See, it's properly, not proper. Yeah, that's a different use of the word. No, it's not. It is. No. Okay. I'm right, and my wife is wrong. I'm Kimbom, and she is Nini. Thank you for watching our show today, and we will be posting it on YouTube soon, and we will be posting the art for free use very soon. And yeah, I'm out of words. Properly? Properly out of words. Yes, that is correct. Thank you for watching.