 Nonsense Stories from the Book of Stories, Botany and Alphabets by Edward Lear. The story of the four little children who went round the world. Once upon a time, a long while ago, there were four little people whose names were Violet, Lynxby, Guy and Lionel, and they all thought they should like to see the world, so they bought a large boat to sail quite round the world by sea, and then they were to come back on the other side by land. The boat was painted blue with green spots, and the sail was yellow with red stripes, and when they set off they could only took a small cat to steer and look after the boat, besides an aged, elderly, quangle-wangle who had to cook the dinner and make the tea. For which purposes they took a large kettle. For the first ten days they sailed on beautifully, and found plenty to eat, as there were lots of fish, and they had only to take them out of the sea with a long spoon, when the quangle-wangle instantly cooked them, and the booty-gat was fed with the bones, with which she expressed herself pleased on the whole, so that all the party were very happy. During the daytime Violet chiefly occupied herself in putting saltwater into the churn, while her three brothers churned it violently, in the hope that it would turn into butter, which it seldom if ever did, and in the evening they all retired into the teak-ettle, where they all managed to sleep very comfortably, while Pussy and the quangle-wangle managed the boat. After a time they saw some land at a distance, and when they came to it they found it was an island made of water, quite surrounded by earth. Beside that it was bordered by evanescent idthmus, with a great gulf-stream running all over it, so that it was perfectly beautiful, and contained only a single tree, five hundred and three feet high. When they had landed they walked about, but found to their great surprise that the island was quite full of field cutlets and chocolate-drops and nothing else. They all climbed up to the single high tree to discover, if possible, if there were any people. But having remained on the top of the tree for a week, and not seeing any body, they naturally concluded that there were no inhabitants, and accordingly when they came down they loaded the boat with two thousand field cutlets and a million of chocolate drops, and these afforded them sustenance for more than a month, during which time they pursued their voyage with utmost delight and apathy. After this they came to a shore where there were no less than sixty-five great-trade parrots with blue tails, sitting on a rail all of a row, and all fast asleep. And I am sorry to say that the pussycat and the quangle-wangle crept softly, and bit off the tail feathers of all the sixty-five parrots, for which violet reproved them both severely. Notwithstanding which she proceeded to insert all the feathers, two hundred and sixty a number in her bonnet, thereby causing it to have a lovely and glittering appearance, highly pre-possessing and efficacious. The next thing that happened to them was in a narrow part of the sea, which was so entirely full of fishes that the boat could go no farther, so they remained there about six weeks, till they had eaten nearly all the fishes, which were souls, and already cooked and covered with shrimp sauce, so there was no trouble whatever. And as the few fishes who remained uneaten complained of the cold, as well of the difficulty they had in getting any sleep on account of the extreme noise made by the arctic bears and the tropical turnspits, which frequented the neighbourhood in great numbers, violet most amably knitted a small woolen frock for several of the fishes, and slings be administered some opium drops to them, through which kindness they became quite warm and slept soundly. Then they came to a country which was wholly covered with immense orange trees of a vast size and quite full of fruit, so they all landed taking with them the tea-cattle, intending to gather some of the oranges and place them in it. But while they were busy about this, a most dreadfully high wind rose, and blew out most of the parrot's tail feathers from Violet's bonnet. That, however, was nothing compared with the calamity of the oranges falling down on their heads by millions and millions, which thumped and bumped and bumped and thumped them all so seriously that they were obliged to run as hard as they could for their lives. Besides that, the sound of the oranges rattling on the tea-cattle was of the most fearful and amazing nature. Nevertheless, they got safely to the boat, although considerably vexed and hurt, and the quangle-wangle's right foot was so knocked about that he had to sit with his head in his slipper for at least a week. This event made them all for a time rather melancholy, and perhaps they might never have become less so, had not Lionel, with a most praiseworthy devotion and perseverance, continued to stand on one leg, and whistle to them in a loud and lively manner, which diverted the whole party so extremely that they gradually recovered their spirits, and agreed that whenever they should reach home they would subscribe towards a testimonial to Lionel, entirely made of gingerbread and raspberries, as an earnest token of their sincere and grateful infection. After sailing on calmly for several more days, they came to another country, where they were much pleased and surprised to see a countless multitude of white mice with red eyes, all sitting in a great circle, slowly eating custard pudding, with the most satisfactory and polite demeanour. And as the four travellers were rather hungry, being tired of eating nothing but souls and oranges for so long a period, they held a council as to the propriety of asking the mice for some of their pudding in a humble and affecting manner, by which they could hardly be otherwise than gratified. It was agreed, therefore, that guys should go and ask the mice, which he immediately did, and the result was that they gave a walnut shell, only half full of custard diluted with water. Now this displeased guy who said, out of such a lot of pudding as you have got, I must say you must have spared a somewhat larger quantity. But no sooner that he had finished speaking than the mice turned round at once, and sneezed at him in an appalling and vindictive manner, and it is impossible to imagine a more scrubious, unpleasant sound than that caused by the simultaneous sneezing of many millions of angry mice. So the guy rushed back to the boat, having first shied his cap in the middle of the custard pudding, by which means he completely spoiled the mice's dinner. By and by the four children came to a country where there were no houses, but only an incredibly innumerable number of large bottles without corks, and of a dazzling and sweet, susceptible blue colour. Each of these blue bottles contained a blue bottle fly, and all these interesting animals live continually in the most copious and rural harmony, nor perhaps in many parts of the world is such perfect and abject happiness to be found. Violet and slings being guy and lion were greatly struck with this singular and instructive settlement, and having previously asked permission of the blue bottle flies, which was most courtesely granted. The boat was drawn up to the shore, and they proceeded to make tea in front of the bottles. But as they had no tea-leaves, they merely placed some pebbles in the hot water, and the quanger-wan called plates and tunes over it on an accordion, by which, of course, tea was made directly, and of the very best quality. The four children then entered into conversation with the blue bottle flies, who discoursed in a placid and gentile manner, though with a slightly buzzing accent, chiefly owing to the fact that they each held a small clothesbrush between their teeth, which naturally occasioned a fizzy, extraneous utterance. Why, said Violet, would you kindly inform us that you would reside in bottles, and, if in bottles at all, why not rather in green or purple, or indeed in yellow bottles? To which questions, a very aged blue bottle-fly answered, We found the bottles here all ready to live in. That is to say, our great-great-great-great-grandfathers did. So we occupied them at once. And when the winter comes on, we turn the bottles upside down, and consequently rarely feel the cold at all. And you know very well that this could not be the case with bottles of any other colour than blue. Of course it could not, said Slingsby. But if we may take the liberty of inquiring, on what do you chiefly subsist? Mainly on oyster patties, said the blue bottle-fly, and when these are scarce, on raspberry vinegar and Russian leather, boiled down to a jelly. How delicious, said Guy! To which Lionel added, Huzz! And all the blue-bottle-flies said Buzz! At this time an elderly fly said it was the hour for the evening song to be sung, and, on a signal being given, all the blue-bottle-flies began to buzz at once in a sumptuous and sonorous manner, the melodious and mocculatious sounds echoing all over the waters, and resounding across the tumultuous tops of the transitory Titmice, upon the intervening and verdant mountains with the serene and sickly suavity only known to the truly virtuous. The moon was shining slobaciously from the star-spangled sky, while her light irrigated the smooth and shiny sides and wings and backs of the blue-bottle-flies, with a peculiar and trifle splendour, while all nature cheerfully responded to the serenely and conspicuous circumstances. In many long after-years the four little travellers looked back to that evening as one of the happiest in all their lives, and it was already past midnight, when, the sail of the boat having been set up by the quangle-wangle, the tea-cattle and churn placed in their respective positions, and the putty-cat stationed at the helm, the children each took a last and affectionate farewell of the blue-bottle-flies, who walked down in the body to the water's edge to see the travellers embark. As a token of parting respect and esteem, Violet made a curtsy quite down to the ground, and stuck one of her few remaining parrot-tail feathers into the back hair of the most pleasing of the blue-bottle-flies, while Slingsby Guy and Lionel offered them three small boxes containing, respectively, black pins, dried figs, and epsom-soaps, and thus they left that happy shore for ever. Overcome by their feelings, the four little travellers instantly jumped into the tea-cattle and fell fast asleep, but all along the shore for many hours there was a distinctively heard a sound of severely suppressed sobs, and a vague multitude of living creatures using their pocket-tanker-chiefs in a subdued simultaneous snuffle, lingering sadly along the walloping waves as the boat sailed further and further away from the land of happy blue-bottle-flies. Nothing particular occurred for some days after these events, except that, as the travellers were passing a low tract of sand, they perceived an unusual and gratifying spectacle, namely a large number of crabs and crawfish, perhaps six or seven hundred sitting by the water-side, and endeavouring to disentangle a vast heap of pale-pink worsted, which they moistened intervals with a fluid composed of lavender water and white wine-neegers. Can we be of any service to you, O crusty crabbies, said the four children? Thank you kindly, said the crabs consecutively. We are trying to make some worsted mittens, but we do not know how. On which violet, who was perfectly acquainted with the art of mitten-making, said to the crabs, do your claws unscrew, or are they fixtures? They are all made to unscrew, said the crabs, and forthwith they deposited a great pile of claws close to the boat, with which violet uncombed all the pale-pink worsted, and then made the loveliest mittens with it you can imagine. These, the crabs, having resumed and screwed on their claws, placed cheerfully upon their wrists, and walked away rapidly on their hind legs, warbling songs with a silvery voice and in a minor key. After this the four little people sailed on again, till they came to a vast and wide plain of astonishing dimensions, on which nothing, whatever, could be discovered at first. But, as the travellers walked onward, there appeared in the extreme and dim distance a single object, which on a nearer approach, and on an accurately cutaneous inspection, seemed to be somebody in a large white wig, sitting on an armchair made of sponge-cakes and oyster shells. It does not quite look like a human being, said violet doubtfully, nor could they make out what it really was, till the quangle-wangle, who had previously been round the world, exclaimed softly in a loud voice, it is the cooperative cauliflower. And so in truth it was, and they soon found that what they had taken for an immense wig was in reality the top of the cauliflower, and that he had no feet at all being able to walk tolerably well with a fluctuating and graceful movement on a single cabbage stalk, an accomplishment which naturally saved him from the expense of stockings and shoes. Presently, while the whole party from the boat was gazing at him with mingled affection and disgust, he suddenly arose, and in a somewhat plumb-dumpfiest manner, hurried off towards the setting sun, his steps supported by two super-incumbent confidential cucumbers, and a large number of water wag-tails proceeding in advance of him by three and three in a row, till he finally disappeared on the brink of the western sky in a crystal cloud of pseudo-fix sand. So remarkable a sight, of course, impressed the four children very deeply, and they returned immediately to their boat with a strong sense of underdeveloped asthma and a great appetite. Shortly after this, the travellers were obliged to sail directly below some high overhanging rocks from the top of one of which a peculiarly odious little boy, dressed in rose-coloured knicker-bockers and with a pewter plate upon his head threw an enormous pumpkin at the boat, by which it was instantly upset. But this upsetting was of no consequence, because all the party knew how to swim very well, and in fact they preferred swimming about till after the moon-rose, when the water-growing chilli, they spongetaisiously entered the boat. Meanwhile the quangle-wangle threw back the pumpkin with immense force so that it hit the rocks where the malicious little boy in rose-coloured knicker-bockers was sitting. When, being quite full of Lucifer matches, the pumpkin exploded surreptitiously into a thousand bits, whereon the rock instantly took fire, and the odious little boy became unpleasantly hotter and hotter and hotter, till his knicker-bockers were turned quite green and his nose was burnt off. Two or three days after this happened they came to another place where they found nothing at all except some wide and deep pits full of mulberry jam. This is the property of the tiny yellow-nosed apes who abound in these districts, and who store up the mulberry jam for their food in winter, when they mix it with pollucid pale periwinkle soup and serve it in wedgewood china bowls, which grow freely all over that part of the country. Only one of the yellow-nosed apes was on the spot, and he was fast asleep, yet the four travellers in the quangle-wangle and pussy were so terrified by the violence and sangoringly sound of his snoring, that they merely took a small cupful of the jam and returned to re-embark in the boat without delay. What was the horror in seeing the boat, including the churn and the teakettle, in the mouth of the enormous seas-pider, an aquatic and ferocious creature truly dreadful to behold, and happily only met within those excessive longitudes? In a moment the beautiful boat was bitten into fifty-five thousand million hundred billion bits, and it instantly became quite clear that violent slingsby guy and lionel could no longer eliminate their voyage by sea. The four travellers were therefore obliged to resolve on to suing their wanderings by land, and, very fortunately, they happened to pass by at that moment an elderly rhinoceros, on which they seized, and all four mounting on his back the quangle-wangle sitting on his horn and holding on by his ears. And the pussy-cats, swinging at the end of his tail, they set off, having only forced more beans and three pounds of mashed potatoes to last through the whole journey. They were, however, able to catch a number of the chickens and turkeys and other birds, who incessantly alighted on the head of the rhinoceros for the purpose of gathering the seeds of the rhododendron plants which grew there. And these creatures they cooked in the most translucent and satisfactory manner by means of a fire-lighted on the end of the rhinoceros' back. A crowd of kangaroos and gigantic cranes accompanied them from feelings of curiosity and complacency, they were never at a loss for company, and went onward, as it were, in a sort of profuse and triumphant procession. Thus in less than eighteen weeks they all arrived safely at home, where they were received by their admiring relatives with joy, tempered with contempt, and where they finally resolved to carry out the rest of their traveling plans some more favorable opportunity. As for the rhinoceros, in token of their grateful adherence, they had him killed and stuffed directly, and then set him up outside the door of their father's house as a diaphanous door scraper. End of the story of the four little children who went round the world. Valentine's by L&D Masters. This is a liverbox recording. All liverbox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit liverbox.org. Valentine's. The wind was blowing down our street, and it was snowing some. But I watched from the chilly porch to see the postman come. Across the street to Elsie's door, and then I meant to run. Before she got the Valentine, I knew that she'd get one. I knew it would be beautiful with lace and hearts and things, and pretty verses on the leaves and tied with ribbon strings. I knew the verses by heart. I knew the bows were pink. The hearts were gold. The lace was white. Oh, what would Elsie think? I saw the postman come at last, and Elsie at the door. She got a Valentine, sure enough. I knew she would be four. And then I hid inside our hall, and when his whistle blew, the postman called, Hello, hello, a Valentine for you. Sure enough, I got a Valentine with lace and hearts and things, and pretty verses on the leaves and tied with ribbon strings. And I have wondered ever since and guessed if Elsie knew, for sure I'd get a Valentine before the postman blew. Just like I knew that she'd get one, and knew her verses too, I never supposed that I'd get one. Do you guess Elsie knew? End of Valentine's, recorded February 14th, 2010 by Matthew Puddes. The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pippel Popple by Edward Lear. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pippel Popple by Edward Lear. Read by Algie Pug. Chapter 1. Introductory In former days, that is to say, once upon a time, they lived in the land of Grambel Bramble Seven Families. They lived by the side of the Great Lake Pippel Popple. One of the Seven Families, indeed, lived in the lake and on the outskirts of the city of Tosh, which, excepting when it was quite dark, they could see plainly. The names of all these places you are probably heard of, and you have only not to look in your geography books to find out all about them. Now the Seven Families who lived on the borders of the Great Lake Pippel Popple were as follows in the next chapter. Chapter 2. The Seven Families. There was a family of two old parrots and seven young parrots. There was a family of two old storks and seven young storks. There was a family of two old geese and seven young geese. There was a family of two old owls and seven young owls. There was a family of two old guinea pigs and seven young guinea pigs. There was a family of two old cats and seven young cats. and there was a family of two old fishers and seven young fishers. Chapter 3 The Habits of the Seven Families The parents lived upon the soft-key, pofsky trees, which were beautiful to behold and covered with blue leaves, and they fed upon fruit, artichokes, and striped beetles. The stalks walked in and out of Lake Pippal Popple, and ate frogs for breakfast and buttered toast for tea. But on account of the extreme length of their legs, they could not sit down, and so they walked about continually. The geese, having webs to their feet, caught quantities of flies, which they ate for dinner. The owls anxiously looked after mice, which they caught and made into sago puddings. The guinea pigs totalled about the gardens, and ate lettuces and cheshia cheese. The cats sat still in the sunshine and fed upon sponge biscuits. The fishers lived in the lake and fed chiefly on boiled periwinkles, and all these seven families lived together in the utmost fun and felicity. Chapter 4 The Children of the Seven Families are Sent Away One day all the seven fathers and the seven mothers of the seven families agreed that they would send their children out to see the world. So they called them all together, and gave them each eight shillings, and some good advice, some chocolate drops, and a small green Morocco pocketbook to set down their expenses in. They then particularly entreated them not to quarrel, and all the parents sent off their children with a parting injunction. If, said the old parents, you find a cherry, do not fight about who should have it. And, said the old storks, if you find a frog, divide it carefully into seven bits, but on no account quarrel about it. And the old geese sent to the seven young geese, Whatever you do, be sure that you do not touch a plum-putting flea. And the old owl said, If you find a mouse, tear him into seven slices, and eat him cheerfully, but without quarrelling. And the old guinea pig said, Ever care that you eat your lettuces, should you find any, not greedily, but calmly. And the old cat said, Be particularly careful, not to meddle with a clangle-wangle, if you should see one. And the old fisher said, Above all things, avoid eating your blue boss-wass, for they do not agree with fishes, and give them a pain in their toes. So that all the children of each family thank their parents, and making in all 49 polite bowels, they went into the wide world. Chapter 5 The History of the Seven Young Parrots The seven young parrots had not gone far, when they saw a tree with a single cherry on it, which the oldest parrot picked instantly, but the other six, being extremely hungry, tried to get it also, on which all the seven began to fight, and they scuffled, and huffled, and ruffled, and shuffled, and puffled, and muffled, and buffled, and duffled, and fluffled, and guffled, and bruffled, and screamed, and shrieked, and squealed, and squeaked, and clawed, and snapped, and bit, and bumped, and thumped, and dumped, and frumped each other, till they were all torn into little bits. And at last there was nothing left to record this painful incident except the cherry and seven small green feathers. And that was the vicious and voluble end of the Seven Young Parrots. Chapter 6 The History of the Seven Young Storks When the Seven Young Storks set out, they walked or flew for fourteen weeks in a straight line, and for six weeks more in a crooked one, and after that they ran as hard as they could for a hundred and eight miles, and after that they stood still and made a simultaneous chatter-clatter battery noise with their bills. About the same time they perceived a large frog spotted with green and with a sky blue stripe under each ear. So being hungry, they immediately flew at him, and were going to divide him into seven pieces. When they began to quarrel, as to which of his legs should be taken off first. One said this, and another said that, and while they were all quarreling, the frog hopped away. When they saw he was gone, they began to chatter-clatter, blatter-platter, petter-blatter, matter-clatter, flatter-quatter, more violently than ever, and after they had fought for a week, they picked each other all to little pieces, so that at last nothing was left of any of them except their bills. And that was the end of the Seven Young Storks. Chapter 7 The History of the Seven Young Geese When the Seven Young Geese began to travel, they went over a large plain on which there was but one tree, and that was a very bad one. So four of them went up to the top of it and looked about them, while the other three waddled up and down and repeated poetry, and their last six lessons in arithmetic, geography, and cookery. Presently they perceived, a long way off, an object of the most interesting and obese appearance, having a perfectly round body, exactly resembling a boiled plum pudding with two little wings and a beak, and three feathers growing out of his head and only one leg. So after a time all the Seven Young Geese said to each other, Beyond all doubt, this beast must be a plum pudding flea, on which they unconsciously began to sing aloud, Plum pudding flea, plum pudding flea, wherever you be, oh, come to our tree, oh, listen, oh, listen, oh, listen to me. But no sooner had they sung this first than a plum pudding flea began to hop and skip on his one leg with the most dreadful velocity, and came straight to the tree where he stopped and looked about him in a vacant and voluminous manner, on which the Seven Young Geese were greatly alarmed and all of a tremble bimble. So one of them put out his long neck and just touched him with the top of his bill. But no sooner had he done this than a plum pudding flea skipped and hopped about more and more and higher and higher, after which he opened his mouth and, to the great surprise and indignation of the Seven Geese, began to bark so loudly and furiously and terribly that they were totally unable to bear the noise, and by degrees every one of them suddenly tumbled down quite dead. So that was the end of the Seven Young Geese. Chapter 8 The History of the Seven Young Ales When the Seven Young Ales set out, they sat every now and then on the branches of old trees and never went far at one time, and one night, when it was quite dark, they thought they heard a mouse. But as the gas lamps were not lighted, they could not see him. So they called out, Is that a mouse? On which a mouse answered, squeaky, beaky, squeaky, yes it is! And immediately all the young ales threw themselves off the tree, many to a light on the ground. But they did not perceive that there was a large well below them, into which they all fell superficially, and where every one of them drowned in less than half a minute. So that was the end of the Seven Young Ales. Chapter 9 The History of the Seven Young Guinea Pigs The Seven Young Guinea Pigs went into a garden full of gooseberry bushes and teary trees, under one of which they fell asleep. When they awoke, they saw a large lettuce, which had grown out of the ground while they had been sleeping, and which had an immense number of green leaves, at which they all exclaimed, Lettuce, oh lettuce, let us, oh let us, oh lettuce leaves, oh lettuce leave this tree and eat lettuce, oh lettuce, lettuce leaves. And instantly the Seven Young Guinea Pigs rushed with such extreme force against the lettuce plant, and hit their heads so vividly against its stalk, that the concussion brought on directly an incipient transitional inflammation of their noses, which grew worse, and worse, and worse, and worse, till it incidentally killed them all seven. And that was the end of the Seven Young Guinea Pigs. Chapter 10 The History of the Seven Young Cats The Seven Young Cats set off on their travels with great delight and rapacity, but on coming to the top of a high hill, they perceived that a long distance off a clangle wangle, or, as it is more properly written, clangle a wangle. And in spite of the warning they had had, they ran straight up to it. Now the clangle wangle is the most dangerous and delusive beast, and by no means commonly to be met with. They live in the water as well as on land, using their long tail as a sail when in the former element. Their speed is extreme, but their habits of life are domestic and superfluous, and their general demeanour are pensive and pollucid. On summer evenings they may sometimes be observed near the lake, pipple-pupple, standing on their heads and humming their national melodies. They subsist entirely on vegetables, excepting when they ate veal, or mutton, or pork, or beef, or fish, or salt-peeter. The moment the clangle wangle saw the Seven Young Cats approach, he ran away, and as he ran straight on for four months, and the cats, though they continued to run, could never overtake him, they all gradually died of fatigue and exhaustion, and never afterwards recovered. And that was the end of the Seven Young Cats. Chapter 11 The History of the Seven Young Fishes The Seven Young Fishes swam across the lake, pipple-pupple, and into the river, and into the ocean, where, most unhappily for them, they saw, on the fifteenth day of their travels, a bright blue boswos, and instantly swam after him. But the blue boswos plunged into a perpendicular, spicular, orbicular, quadrangular, circular depth of soft mud, where, in fact, his house was, and the Seven Young Fishes, swimming with great and uncomfortable velocity, plunged also into the mud, quite against their will, and not being accustomed to it, were all suffocated in a very short period. And that was the end of the Seven Young Fishes. Chapter 12 Of What Occurred Subsequently Here it was known that the Seven Young Parrots, and the Seven Young Storks, and the Seven Young Geese, and the Seven Young Owls, and the Seven Young Guinea-pigs, and the Seven Young Cats, and the Seven Young Fishes were all dead, then the frog, and the plum-putting flea, and the mouse, and the clangle-wangle, and the blue boswos, all met together to rejoice over their good fortune. And they collected the seven feathers of the Seven Young Parrots, and the seven bills of the Seven Young Storks, and the letters and the cherry. And having placed the latter on the letters, and the other objects in a circular arrangement at their base, they danced a hornpipe round all these memorials until they were quite tired, after which they gave a tea party, and a garden party, and a ball, and a concert, and then returned to their respective homes full of joy and respect, sympathy, and satisfaction, and disgust. Chapter 13 of what became of the parents of the 49 children. But when the two old Parrots, and the two old Storks, and the two old Geese, and the two old Owls, and the two old Guinea-pigs, and the two old Cats, and the two old Fishes became aware, by reading the newspapers, of the calamitous extinction of the whole of their families, they refused all further sustenance, and sending out to various shops, they purchased great quantities of cayenne pepper, and brandy, and vinegar, and blue ceiling wax, besides seven immense glass bottles with airtight stoppers, and, having done this, they ate a light supper of brown bread, and Jerusalem artichokes, and took an affecting and formal leave of the whole of their acquaintance, which was very numerous, and distinguished, and select, and responsible, and ridiculous. Chapter 14, Conclusion After this, they filled the bottles with the ingredients for pickling, and each couple jumped into a separate bottle, by which effort, of course, they all died immediately, and became thoroughly pickled in a few minutes, having previously made their wills by the assistance of the most eminent lawyers of the district, in which they left strict orders that the stoppers of the seven bottles should be carefully sealed up with the blue ceiling wax they had purchased, and that they themselves, in the bottles, should be presented to the principal museum of the city of Tosh, to be labelled with parchment, or any other anti-congenial succedonium, and to be placed on a marble table with silver gilt legs for the daily inspection and contemplation, and for the perpetual benefit of the pusillanimous public. And if you ever go to Gramble Bramble and visit that museum in the city of Tosh, look for them on the 98th table in the 427th room of the right-hand corridor of the left wing of the central quadrangle of that magnificent building. For, if you do not, you certainly will not see them. End of the history of the seven families of the Lake Pippal Popple. This recording is in the public domain. It's from A Book of Nonsense by Edward Lear. This is a liverbox recording. A liverbox recording is in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit liverbox.org. Recording by Elijah. Limericks from A Book of Nonsense by Edward Lear. There was an old man in a pew, whose waistcoat was spotted with blue, but he tore it in pieces to give to his nieces, a cheerful man in a pew. There was a young lady of her, who was chased by a virulent bull, which he seized on a maiden coat-out who was afraid, which distracted that virulent bull. There was an old person of Dutton, whose head was as small as a button. So to make it look big, he purchased a wig, and rapidly rushed about Dutton. There was an old man who said, Hush, I perceive a young bird in this bush. When they said, Is it small, he replied not at all. It is four times as big as a bush. There was an old man who said, How shall I free from this horrible cow? I will sit on this tile and continue to smile, which may soften the heart of that cow. There was a young lady of Troy, whom several large flies did annoy. Some she killed with a sump, some she drowned at the pump, and some she took with her to Troy. End of Limerick's From a Book of Nonsense by Edward Lear, recording by Elisha. Dumbling and the Three Feathers by Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Peter M. Dumbling and the Three Feathers by the Brothers Grimm. Once upon a time there lived a king who had three sons. The two elder were learned and bright, but the youngest said very little and appeared somewhat foolish, so he was always known as Dumbling. When the king grew old and feeble, feeling that he was nearing his end, he wished to leave the crown to one of his three sons, but could not decide to which. He therefore settled that they should travel, and that the one who could obtain the most splendid carpet should ascend the throne when he died, so that there could be no disagreement as to the way each one should go, the king conducted them to the courtyard of the palace, and there blew three feathers, by turn, into the air, telling his sons to follow the course that the three feathers took. Then one of the feathers flew eastwards, another westwards, but the third went straight up towards the sky, though it only sped a short distance before falling to earth. Therefore, one son traveled towards the east, and the second went to the west, both making fun of poor Dumbling, who was obliged to stay where his feather had fallen. Then Dumbling, sitting down and feeling rather miserable after his brothers had gone, looked about him, and noticed that near to where his feather lay was a trapped door. On lifting this up he perceived a flight of steps down which he went. At the bottom was another door, so he knocked upon it, and then heard a voice calling, Maiden, fairest, come to me, make haste to open the door, a mortal surely you will see from the world above as he will help him from our store. And then the doors flung open, and the young man found himself facing a big toad sitting in the center of a number of young toads. The big toad addressed him, asking him what he wanted. Dumbling, though rather surprised when he saw the toads and heard them question him, being good-hearted, replied politely, I'm desirous to obtain the most splendid carpet in the world, just now it would be extremely useful to me. The toad who had just spoken, called to a young toad, saying, Maiden, fairest, come to me, tis a mortal here you see, let us speed all his desires, giving him what he requires. Immediately the young toad fetched a large box. This the old one opened, and took out an exquisite carpet of so beautiful a design that it certainly could have been manufactured nowhere upon the earth. Taking it with grateful thanks, Dumbling went up the flight of steps and was once more in the palace courtyard. The two elder brothers, being of the opinion that the youngest was so foolish that he was of no account whatever in trying to obtain the throne, for they did not think he would find anything at all, had said to each other, it is not necessary for us to trouble much in looking for the carpet. So they took from the shoulders of the first peasant they came across, a coarse shawl, and this they carried to their father. At the same time Dumbling appeared with his beautiful carpet, which he presented to the king, who was very much surprised, and said, By rights the throne should be for my youngest son. But when the two brothers heard this they gave the old king no rest, saying, How is it possible that Dumbling, who is not at all wise, could control the affairs of an important kingdom? Make some other condition we beg of you. Well, agreed the father, The one who brings me the most magnificent ring shall succeed to my throne. And once more he took his sons outside the palace. Then again he blew three feathers into the air to show the direction each one should go, whereupon the two elder sons went east and west, but Dumblings flew straight up and fell close by the trapped door. Then the youngest son descended the steps as before, and upon seeing the large toad he talked with her and told her what he desired. So the big box was brought and out of it the toad handed him a ring, which was of so exquisite a workmanship that no goldsmiths could equal it. Meanwhile, the two elder brothers made fun of the idea of Dumbling searching for a ring, and they decided to take no needless trouble themselves. Therefore, finding an old iron ring belonging to some harness, they took that to the king. Dumbling was there before them with his valuable ring, and immediately upon showing it the father declared that in justice the kingdom should be his. In spite of this, however, the two elder sons worried the poor king into appointing one test further before bestowing his kingdom, and the king, giving away, announced that the one who brought home the most beautiful woman should inherit the crown. Then Dumbling again descended to the large toad and made known to her that he wished to find the most beautiful woman alive. The most beautiful woman is not always at hand, said the toad. However, you shall have her. Then she gave to him a scooped-out turnip, to which half a dozen little mice were attached. The young man regarded this a trifle despondently, for had no great resemblance to what he was seeking. What can I make of this? he asked. Only placing it one of my young toads replied the large toad, and then you can decide how to use it. From the young toads around the old toad, the young man seized one at hazard and placed it in the scooped-out turnip. But hardly was it there when the most astounding change occurred, for the toad was transformed into a wondrously lovely maiden. The turnip became an elegant carriage, and the six mice were turned into handsome horses. The young man kissed the maiden and drove off to bring her to the king. Not long afterwards the two brothers arrived. In the same way as the twice before, they had taken no trouble about the matter, but had picked up the first passable-looking peasant woman whom they had happened to meet. After glancing at the three, the king said, Without doubt, at my death, the kingdom will be dumblings. Once more the brothers loudly expressed their discontent, and gave the king no peace, declaring, It is impossible for us to agree to dumbling becoming the ruler of the kingdom. And they insisted that the women should be required to spring through a hoop, which was suspended from the ceiling in the center of the hall, thinking to themselves, Now certainly our peasants will get the best of it. They are active and sturdy, but that fragile lady will kill herself if she jumps. To this, again, the king consented, and the peasants were first given trial. They sprang through the hoop indeed, but so clumsily that they fell breaking their arms and legs, upon which the lovely lady whom dumbling had brought home leapt through as lightly as a fawn, and this put an end to all contention. So the crown came to dumbling, who lived long and ruled his people temperately and justly. End of Dumbling and the Three Feathers