 There have been four fantastic four films so far and it only makes sense. I feud them all at once Are any of them good or they all simply forgettable the pun counters active as I mainly complain about these movies So join me even you Ben Grimm come on. Let's rock Count it. I was recently made aware. There was a 1994 fantastic four film that never hit theaters It was made for the sole purpose to retain those rights keep the film property away from Marvel by Fox That seems to be the excuse for every single version of these movies though to be fair It's atrocious to say the least and the cast doesn't help the matter doom is played so cartoonishly here You would think it's a parody film or a soft-core porn although the thing is in it So maybe would be considered a hardcore porn, you know something you can get his rocks off to all day with these The main cast is miserable and I'm pretty sure these actors are all 55 in the movie trying to pass is 18 at One point or another the movie really hits rock bottom when the things love interest finger bangs a clay model of his face This is after meeting him only one time and for the duration of 10 seconds The phrase love at first sight takes on a new meaning here because she's blind The 2005 crew is by far my favorite with Captain America himself Chris Evans playing the wise cracking devil make-care hero Johnny Storm the highlight comes from my girl Jessica Alba playing Sue storm who always manages to find herself in a scandalous situation One of her abilities is to be invisible yet her outfits beg to be seen Well chick list plays the thing and as always he gives a solid performance the actor who plays Reed Richards does a good job Although his name sounds like it was picked out of a random spoonful of spaghetti owes It's hard to pronounce Dr. Doom gets the best representation here But he's still played in a hilarious manner the nip tux star kicks his swarmy charm into high gear and delivers his lines with such Absurdity I can't help but quote him once in a while. I always wanted power much like the mindset to the 2015 film I don't really want to talk about the cast either How is it that a movie that's just shy at two hours has so little to say about its main protagonists? Fox once more produced the picture so it was pretty much doomed from the start many characters are lifeless Even Johnny has so few lines I can't recall a single word uttered doom is just there with motives that make zero sense for as campy as the 1994 movie is at least the cast has some energy to them a fire in their belly you could say It's basically the same story three times over read builds a machine things go awry They get superpowers rise of the silver surfer is the only exception as it's a sequel to the 2005 version But I won't bother with that train wreck It's like 15 minutes long and it passes galactus off as a giant gas cloud Seriously, I don't understand why in 2015 directors producer studios think we want to see an origin story Retold in an even longer fashion it takes like 45 minutes for them to even get their superpowers I think Sue storm uses it twice actually I think everybody uses them twice the only thing Sue storm is good for is putting on some beats by Dre headphones and Searching out signals or some stupid nonsense She doesn't even get to join the crew when they go on their expedition to the zero planet or negative world Or whatever the hell they call it in the movie and said she gets to say back after she made the outfits for the boys to go Have their fun the only thing the director screwed up on was not having her make sandwiches for them upon their return I don't hate the 2005 version I could easily rewatch it as it's full of some fun laughs and all right action They build up a good relationship between the main leads and they get their powers relatively early on the 1995 version Is just beyond dumb there is this weird underground society that steals the blind chick in order to make her queen I think I was half-watching by that point. So I really don't know I could be making this all up If you would have told me that the original flick came out in the 70s I wouldn't have hesitated in believing you this thing looks awful And yes, I realized they had a budget of like $12 and a couple expired red Robin coupons But still there's no excuse for this and as for the 2015 visuals looking how they did I'm at a total loss was anybody else hot and bothered by Johnny's fire effects the other dimension They visit looked low res apparently they transcended HD during the trip and ended up on VHS There was a fight in the woods between Reed and the thing that I swear I could see the green screen still popping through it looked that bad My show has better effects and I have zero budget not a hundred and twenty million to work with there is nothing else to Mention besides the terrible final battle with doom the early 2000 films didn't have much in the way great fights either It's incredible how little this team accomplishes The only one I recall is in Rise of the Silver Surfer when the titular character is going through the tunnels weaving it out and all that nonsense That was pretty cool. It's in it's in fact the only cool thing about that entire train wreck of a film I will give 2015 credit on the thing. He looked far more realistic than the previous rubber costumes It's of course ruined by the terrible voice and the butchering of a famous catchphrase They really clobbered that one The worst music bar none 1994 it is atrocious at times coming off like a cheap Broadway musical There was one scene in particular where I thought the henchmen were going to bust out and song and dance But it's almost unfair to criticize a movie that never hit theaters, although I'm an unfair individual So here we are today John Ottman composes 2005's flick in the follow-up. There's nothing particularly exciting going on with the score But it serves the action well enough, which is far more that I can say about 2015's I'm not really sure there was music outside of the credits, which we're just playing grim I'd really be reaching to say any of these are good movies The middle ones are by far the most watchable for me 2015 had potential but you could tell there was a lot of off-camera struggles going on between the director and the studio heads With Marvel continuing to up its game You almost feel bad for these other properties that are stuck in limbo in purgatory between Fox and Sony The fantastic four deserves better I expect a heated debate in the comments and I won't turn a bligh eye to judgment more than just reviews This is movie feuds really thought I could stretch that pun counter to 20 this week. I should have played off the name I should have played up the four after all it is a numbers game. I'm just gonna forget about it I'm gonna forge ahead out of sight out of mind Flame off count it