 I've recovered, I've recovered, I've recovered, I've recovered, I've recovered! Let's go! I'm on a journey to discover the truth Living life and recovery is lovely You got the power in you Surround yourself with positive energy Judges hitting people with provocative penalties Need to make a change Advocate and change the laws Through the people that it's not insane When you stand behind the cause I'm here to speak about the pain Recovered loud to normalize the disease That's been killing all my friends In my family the time is now to let it all go and recover loud the benefit is healthy people family and friends They never have to overdose ever again never have to plead out to a lesser defense I'm proud to say that I recover loud. I never thought I could but I'm so proud that I discovered how to live my life again Controlling my own destiny. I needed recovery. I still need it desperately Addiction never define mine It's on my own story. I recover proud safer life. I'd like 40 I recover Yeah, I recover loud Here to tell my own story I recover proud save a life of like 40 I recover loud yeah, I recover Today is National Overdose Awareness Day. One of a parent's greatest fears is that they find out that their child has overdosed and died. Today I have the honor of speaking to a mother who lost her son in 2017. Let's listen to her story. Good morning, I'm Lisa Betancourt and I recover loud. Welcome back to another episode of Recover Loud. Today I get to sit with Lisa Betancourt who lost her son in 2017 to a drug-related overdose. Lisa, welcome to the show, thank you for sharing your story and your son's story. Can you just tell us a little bit about your son and how it was for him growing up? Andrew was from the get-go. He was like this little wild bouncy thing. He just never stopped. He was a great kid. We had our struggles growing up through the years. When you were his family, when you were his friend, you were his family and he had a huge family. When Andrew moved in with us in December of 2016, he stayed with us until he moved into his own place. He was with us for five months and that was the best five months of my life, his life. We sat down, we did arts and crafts, we did family movie night, we did cooking, we did fun stuff. He was in recovery at that time, he was trying to recover so it was like we had our battles. So you were supportive but you held boundaries? Yes, you have to hold those boundaries. Can you talk about the boundaries that you had with him once you knew that he was using? How did you set those up and how did you keep them? Very hard because he would become very verbally aggressive and he would try to get whatever he wanted. There was a couple times he came into the house and took the things in the shed, not in the house he took stuff that was his but we bought it and then he would take and sell it and what not. So we told him if you're going to do that you can't come here. I didn't not trust him in my house but the outside where he had his toys and stuff. I imagine that behavior was different than it was when he was growing up. We become master manipulators during our addictions and we heard people that we care about and we really don't intend to. As I was mentioning to you earlier I don't have experience with losing a child but I've been that child so I do appreciate your perspective on these questions and I hope that the viewers will get a better understanding of what it's like to raise a child with substance use disorder. If we could back up at what age or maybe what year was it that you found out that Andrew was using? In 2013 he was using prior to 2013 but in 2013 my mom was in a nursing home in Van Buren and I said hey Bob let's go up and see Nani and I'll take you with me because you haven't seen her yet. So he said yeah so I went to go pick him up, gets in the car and he looks at me and he was honest with me and I have to just say he was called me mommy. I was his mommy because I was mommy. So he said mommy I have to tell you something he's like I think I need help and I'm like well what do you need for help? He's like I think I need recovery and I'm like what are you doing? I know that you're smoking pot. He's like no what's worse than that. So me being blindsided I had no idea what to do. I drove around where he lived. I drove around the block. I pulled him back in front of his apartment and I said you need to get out of the car. He said why aren't I going to see Nani? I said no. I said I need to figure out what I need to do to help you. And I dropped him off and then he was very upset. I heard him that day and he actually wrote in one of, I found a Facebook post that wrote about how he went home and cried because he didn't want to hurt me or his family. So he was living with his dad so it was you know it was a daddy's boy too. And I'm sure just learning that it was painful for you and not knowing what to do in that moment. It was painful. Absolutely. So what was it you did after that to try to help him? So when I dropped him off I went and I made phone calls. I called doctor's offices, I called agencies. I'm like I need help for my child and at that point he was sort of struggling even more and he ended up in Acadia. We had three different evaluations in two days. Sorry. And by the last time when he came out holding a knife the police came and brought him to the hospital. They brought him to Acadia and he was drawing in Acadia one on one in an isolation pod. You know we weren't allowed to go see him because he was not stable at that time. Yeah and did you say that was 2013? Yeah. And you know we've learned a lot since then. Absolutely. You know back then I don't know if anybody even carried an arc band. So it was I mean it was a different world than it is today. You know even in 2018 when I decided to get help in Caribou I had nowhere to turn. I didn't know where to turn. There were resources just nobody had ever told me where they were. And you know that's the purpose of recovering loud is so that people know that recovery is possible and there are ways to do it. And you know it is a shame that you know before this movement started you know we've lost some good people. Many. Many. So Andrew died on April 1st 2017. I'll never forget what I was doing, what I was swearing, whatever. It's nine o'clock I'm like I'm gonna maybe I should call Andrew. I didn't I just slipped my mind you know I'm like I get busy you know just carrying on doing a mom life. And then at I want to say 11 o'clock I get my phone rings and it's Andrew it says Andrew's new number and I pick it up and I'm like hey bud and there was his friend. It's like Lisa I think you need to come quick I think Andrew overdosed. I had just put the cinnamon roll dough on the table. And like when he said that I hit the floor. I fell to the floor Bailey came running I'm screaming call 911 call 911 somebody get there quick you know I'm shaking just thinking about that day. I was screaming get him help get him help somebody just help him. That was the worst day of my life. The longest ride from Fort Fairfield to lifestyle because he had just moved into his own apartment. And he had been clean. You had said that Andrew was in recovery at the time. He was. How long had he been in recovery at that point? He started October of 2016. He ended up going to TAMIC. And I had received phone calls because he was living on his own at the time I had received phone calls multiple times at least he needed to come quick get me to Andrew at the hospital something's going on. Finally one doctor at TAMIC listen they gave him a cocktail a detox cocktail so he suffered three days after that in October he still at his house he moved in with us in December he was well he had to go to doctors every two weeks because he had ended up with hepatitis so you know he went every two weeks everything was going well. One thing I preach is that you know it is important to celebrate our little victories no matter what it is if we've done something and it's noticeable to us in the moment it's important for us to recognize that that is growth that is part of the process and you know I encourage people to be proud if you're able to say no to anything today you know be proud of that because it is it's a big step it might not happen all day long but that one time makes a difference So Lisa after after the overdose what was it like for you? So the first day actually the first three days were absolutely terrible because Andrew died with his phone in his hand all I could think was he was trying to call me for help I was just thinking so I was devastated I cried I sobbed I didn't sleep for days had people in and out talking to me I was when you're in when you get that news and when you live this life and when you the nightmare begins you said and think how am I going to get through this the only way by the third day my oldest daughter who lives in Virginia is coming home and she has a friend who I believe communicates with people who passed so and this is like this is just I needed to hear this because I was completely devastated all I was thinking he was you know he's calling me I need help mama you know come quick and so Chelsea called me right before she got on the plane on Monday morning and said mom she's like Renee called me Renee said Renee wanted me to let you know that Andrew was okay and she said somebody needed somebody named Benny Ben Benny you know somebody came to her and said you know came with two other people two other people two other young men who had passed they were there just they needed to let me know that Andrew was okay and I'm like I don't know anybody named Ben and I'm like Ben Benny who had passed ironically I would get phone calls randomly and get phone calls from Penny's number Andrew loved Penny it was her way of saying something you know something is going to happen but anyways this is just great off topic fun and it wasn't because it made me feel better because Penny came through and said that um Andrew didn't feel anything his body went through a lot but it was like he was sleeping so that was like comforting yeah I I knew that he had just gone to sleep but the nightmare like that's the beginning of the nightmare then you have to make a decision on what funeral home you're going to go to and are you going to have your child pre-mated or buried and who's going to speak and what songs are you going to play and what pictures all those things that um you don't expect or calling people or his dad like his dad was in Hawaii and I remember still being at the um where he his apartment and I can remember his father calling me I had like 15 phone calls one right after another and um and he's saying to me where's my boy let me talk to my boy I'm like that's where he didn't make it and he just hung up on me and then I can remember seeing his friends coming in and out of the apartment or coming to the apartment complex just like hitting the ground you know I was just here at 9 30 I just talked to him at 9 30 so it's just and then and then it's been it's a nightmare it's a never-ending nightmare so in the early days how did you find comfort I mean how did your recovery begin um I felt sorry for myself I felt angry for a little bit the waves of grief the waves of grief still happen every day yesterday there was a post on the Andrew Memorial page of some young man and I shared it and they talked about going out sitting behind the hill in the backyard and what not that so that's another way which just it comes out of randomly so it's now have you been able to find any um outside support are you part of any support groups um well I have quite a few online we there's quite a few um different agents well different groups online so the support group I'm in many different support groups um this one is called team sharing and it's for the United States but this one is specifically for the state of Maine and it has um quite a few people that I know so you mentioned in these support groups there are some local people that you know yes who have lost can you guess how many other parents that you know just that you know but I know probably 10 10 if not more the sad part about it is when child was lost it's like reliving your loss the wounds are just opened up and ridiculous so have you found um you know the support of other moms has helped you have you been able to support other moms um I was I feel like I've been able to support or give guidance to other people who still have children who are active in active recovery um and I would I don't want I anybody ever to be me I don't want anybody to live this nightmare that I live because it's indescribable I can't even tell you the pain I can't explain it the worst thing that like breaking my leg is nothing yeah yeah we always say that you know one of the worst things that we could experience is losing our child um and when it comes from a disease like substance use disorder there's a lot of pain before the overdose and then when when the person is lost there's no healing from the pain that was caused previously um so you look the rest of your life still feeling that um so thankfully I don't know um and honestly knowing ten people in the county who have lost their child to an overdose we don't expect it around here people don't talk about it around here um it's like it doesn't happen in our community anything happened to anyone um you mentioned one time before when we were talking that you felt some blame have you forgiven yourself or any of that I'll never forgive myself as a mom we do so much for our children and stuff like that but you always think you can do more I feel like I've taken on the responsibility it's just such a heavy weight I don't know if I can well I think it's important for us all to remember we can't do for others we want for them they have to do this for themselves um you know as a parent I've experienced pain that my children have gone through and you know the experiences they had they hadn't had but I don't think I could have protected them from everything my poor kids now I'm like I was protective but I'm like ten times more I can't where are you what are you doing even she's in college you know or Riley is in the next town over she's gonna have a baby another baby and I have my two younger ones this is what you can't do because I've talked to people you know I've reached out to people I'm curious how did you become addicted and what led to this you know one person one young man said I was in college I got into scholarship and he said I was in La Crosse house and there was one person and I said so he was a partier and he kept on offering things and he said no I'm not gonna do it and he said the peer pressure he tried once he said no I'm fine I'm gonna be alright then a little bit later he just tried again and then he said ten years later here I am and that's how it goes you know sometimes we're willing to try that one time we're not willing to give up our lives for it that's what's taking place have you I believe you've gone out you've shared your story with other people I have you've made it a point to try to help when you can why do you do that? I don't want anybody to be me hearing Andrew's story hearing my story hearing our family story of what life is now that he's gone and the never ending nightmare and such pain and such loss would maybe just say okay at least it does this and I know a lot of people and Andrew knew a lot of people I think people need to be hear his story and I appreciate you sharing your story and I think a lot of people need to hear what it's like for a mom so I appreciate you doing what you do is there any one last message you'd like to give to either parents who are struggling today what other kids are using or somebody who happens to be using today I don't believe what we need to do and the county is we need to educate stop the stigma we need to stop this stigma because people think that it cannot happen to them we have doctors, we have lawyers we have teachers we have low income high income addiction doesn't discriminate we need to help everybody involved we need to be able to get into the schools I've tried to get into schools only certain people can get into the schools and that's not okay because addiction doesn't start at 21 it can start at any age and I wanted to say this I felt like when Andrew overdosed and stuff like that I met recovery recovery community very welcoming just wonderful to be involved in that community and being able to speak at events and whatnot I just, again, I want to thank you for sharing your story I will not forget Andrew Mallett's story or yours and hopefully that somebody will hear this today and really get the idea that recovery is possible and there's reasons for it we all have moms there's one thing that we all have we all share and I know the pain that I caused my mom was not something I wanted for her and thankfully she was able to live her life with me so because I'm proud of you and I'm proud of the people in the community that are recovering because Andrew wasn't able to recover but you are for today I know it's just hard too and it's important I always have it in my head that I am one bad decision away for being there and everything I do today is to make sure that helping other people has become my purpose so thanks again Lucy oh my goodness but for today really you got me call or stop into schedule and appointment today Anderson's Auto for wherever the road takes you I recover loud I'm on a journey to discover the truth living life and recovery is lovely you got the power in you surround yourself with positive energy judges hitting people with provocative penalties need to make a change advocate to change the laws to people that it's not insane when you stand behind the cars I'm here to speak about the pain recover loud to normalize the disease that's been killing all my friends and my family the time is now to let it all go and recover loud the benefit is healthy people family and friends that never have to overdose ever again never have to plead out to a lesser defense I'm proud to say that I recover loud I never thought I could but I'm so proud that I discovered how to live my life again controlling my own destiny I needed recovery I still needed desperately to never define my DNA I recover loud here to tell my own story I recover proud save a life of like 40 I recover loud I recover loud I recover loud I recover loud here to tell my own story I recover proud save a life of like 40 I recover loud I recover loud I recover loud I recover loud I recover, I recover loud, I recover, I recover loud