 The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And they'd like to mention the fact that their product, Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum, offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spear Mint whether you're working, shopping, listening to your radio or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum tastes good. It's refreshing and the good, easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. Now Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. America is the greatest country in the world and the things that happen here, they should never happen in a place like that. For instance, you ever hear of a river that's to get married to? Well, that's to happen right here in America. Sure, it is a summer, Mississippi river is to get married. All day long, I'm a turn on my radio and everybody is a singer, mister and a missus of ship. I don't think all I'm gonna do all the summaries in relation to the radio. I'm also going to the movies. There, they got the new modern intervention as a cholera conditioner. This means you're gonna see a picture and catch a call at the same time. I don't know. Then last week I went to see a picture with a biggest swimmin' star, she's a caller, Esther Williams. Mama, mommy, I got to call the movie how that girl is an off-leash, so that time I never understand. But anyway, mama, mommy, tonight is a big night for me because tonight I'm gonna be with her my first and the greatest love of my night to school. And a backer with my good friends, the Schultz, Olson, and the Horowitz. Is a funny thing, mama mia. But we all come from a different country, all are born with different languages. Then when we come to America, we all speak the same of bad English. But we're missballing to teachers, that's not gonna be for too long. Mama mia, how smart are my teachers, and how beautiful. When I'm gonna go to the blackboard, and she's a move of my fingers to teach me penmanship, I'm gonna take her to Chalkers, they're gonna melt into my hand like a popsicle. Well, it's a little early yet, but I think I'm gonna close up in my antique shop, take a slow walk at the school, and enjoy this feeling of a start in the new school at home. America, I love you. You're like a papa to me. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Pascale. Hey, where you going, little banana nose? I've come to be closing up for your shop so early. You already made a million dollars for today? No, no, no, Pascale. But Pascale, tonight is my first night of a night school. Oh, well, calm down, relax. Hey, you're gonna start again with that faldi daldoral. Luigi, you've been going to school for three years and now look at you. You've got so much of that heavy education in your head, your ears are hanging down. But Pascale, Anthony, you're never gonna change it. You always discourage me about going to my night school. Because I'm your friend. That's why I'm putting your wives up to something. Don't you know that school is just a place where you leave your kids until they old enough to collect unemployment insurance? And tell me, beg the brain, what do you go to school for? For to learn as much as possible to be useful and to be with all of my friends who love me. Ah, but you ain't gonna be with the one who loves you the most. Oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, not an a donor. Why not? Rossa. Click on açık, I tell you you should've be with a Rossa tonight instead of that school. Hey, I haven't heard that, that name it for a few days. Ah, Pascale, how much is your daughter Rossa away today? Oh, whose account lived? Yeah, but I like the Pascale, how much she does as she will? Well, this morning she took the scales at two hundred and five days. She took the scales. That's quite a... How much is she's away with about the feet on her? Well, about a two-seventy-five. Hmm. I must see you mark her down from a three hundred. Luigi, just because I insulted your class of shipmates, are you getting a sour cosmic? You know my roses have gone away so much. Oh, no. When she's the stuff on a scale, I'll leave those and have a note to quit. I said no fair to talk about my roses, just because she's got a crush on you. That's a no crush. That's a steamer-roller. No. No, no, no. Please, please. That's enough for us to talk about. I'm going to go to my wonderful and nightly school. I'm going to just to hear my teacher calling the roller. Basker, Horowitz, Orson, Schorzi... Oh, Luigi, forget about them. Come on. We're going back to my restaurant. Roses are going to fix up a little of Snicks and Snacks. I open up a new deck of cards, and we enjoy a nice, a quieter game of canazza. What do you say, Lily Cabbage? But don't you understand how I'm going to feel about my school? How I'm going to want to learn so I can become a citizen and be part of America? Well, Mararosa, she wants to be part of America, too. Only way to ask her can be part of America is if they take her in as the 49th estate. Let's go by my president and manage the school at that. That was time to school this time. All right, class, attention, please. Tonight we have a short get-acquainted session instead of a regular class, so if you'll all pay attention, we can get through quickly. Now, I haven't arranged your names alphabetically, so I'll just call out and you'll answer at random. Mr. Alphauser? Alphauser is present. Mr. Horowitz? Back in my own seat, Miss Spaulding. Thank you. Mr. Johnson? Yeah. Mr. Baskow? I'm here, but I don't think so. What? Well, it seems like it's some big mistake in the class, Miss Spaulding. Where's the Shultz and Olson? They're no longer in our class, Mr. Baskow. No, no. Mommy, I'm a Spaulding. I'm surprised under you. I never thought that you were going to trade in the Shultz and Olson for two new people. I remember you was just a little mistake, huh? Mr. Baskow, there is no mistake. Mr. Alphauser and Mr. Johnson belong in this class together with Mr. Horowitz and yourself. Now, if we may continue... Sure, continue with the Shultz and Olson. Mr. Baskow? I know, they must be sick. It's impossible. If they were sick, they would bring a note from their wives, asking them to be excused from the classes. Please, that'll be enough. Now, to take up the remaining matter of importance, first, I'd like to read this announcement from our principal, Mr. Orrith, about an essay contest to be held this week. Well, I don't know what you think. Do you think maybe they would join the army? Of course not. Olson has got flat feet. The Shultz's head ain't so round, either. Quiet, please. I will read the principal's announcement. To all night school classes, in order to stimulate interest in our new terms work and encourage scholastic competition among the students, we hereby announce the start of an essay contest. All students are eligible. Any worthwhile subject may be chosen. And Mr. Orrith, our principal, will be the sole judge. The winning essay will be read in the General Assembly next week. Well, that's it. Any questions? Yes, Mr. Basko? Where is the Shultz and Olson? Mr. Basko, I will not tell you any... Oh, Miss Pudding. Oh, Miss Pudding. I'm not going to say that you missed them as much as we do. Well, it seems that Mr. Hine, who teaches the same grade, convinced Mr. Orrith that my class should be broken up. Evidently, my control wasn't disciplinary enough. Getting to Mr. Hine is a classic. Mr. Hine, that classic. He's a straight. If you bring him a note from your mama, he's going to give you Mama F in a penmanship. Well, there's no use talking any further about it. The class is split up. Oh, no. Easier it is to split up the atoms. And we're going to get access to put together again. We're going to do something. I can just imagine poor Shultz sitting in Hine's classroom, like Arthur Guthrie with his mouth all taped up. All right. No fidgeting. No talking to neighbors. Pay full attention to me and we can begin the class. I'll call the roll. Mr. Davis. Here. The Lampert. Here. The Grohlsson. Here. Shultz. Peek-a-boo. What was that, Mr. Shultz? That was a lullaby lullaby. I mean, that was my way of saying here. I mean, I'm not long from the old country. Only 32 years. Well, I can see that we better straighten out things immediately, Mr. Shultz. I am the headman around here and I will brook no interference. I'll brook no inattention. I'll brook no wife-cracking. I'll brook... Give me a bit. All those brooks might have been knocked off and go fishing. One more word out of you, Mr. Shultz, and you will be out of this class. Stand by everybody and you're going to hear a word like you never heard before. Don't think you can get back into Miss Faulding's class because I'll see that our principal, Mr. Orth, throws you out of school entirely. Oh, yes, Mr. Hyde. I see you understand me then. Yes, Mr. Hyde. Now keep your mind on your work. Your eyes front and your mouth shut. Do you mind if I bigle my ears a little? You thought that was insane, Mr. Shultz? Yes, Mr. Hyde. That's better. Now, students, no doubt you read the rules of the big essay contest which I put up on the bulletin board. Are there any questions? Mr. Olsen. Mr. Hyde, I have a few questions that I would like to ask you. All right, let's have it. I was planning to write a light essay about the role of nuclear fission in relation to the problems of atomic energy. Could I write about 20,000 words on that subject? Mr. Olsen, you think you're pretty smart, don't you? Pretty smart? Next to Olsen, Einstein is Maxi Rosenblum. I warned you. I told you before. I gave you full notice. Quick, Olsen, knock down the guards. I'll shoot the bloodhounds and be like Steve over the south wall. What? What's going on here? Ah, get him over here. I am by the school bell. I shot you. I shall await you. Oh, Luigi, ah, it's good to see you. Oh, how are we? Ah, hello, friends. Hello, of course. Give it to Mr. Hyde that it's good to talk to human beings again. Hey, you don't look so good. Mr. Hyde, is it giving you a better time, huh? Ah, no, Luigi. Mr. Hyde, that's very nice. You know, I know him less than half an hour, and already I feel like I'm suffered with him for a lifetime. No, but we get him a lot of time, too. Oh, come on, Luigi. We go berserk. You know, I was a siren. No, wait. No, it's something I never did before. I was a machine gun. Ah. Oh, the strain was too much. We just let them have it. Little did he know he was fooling around with the armed might of the United Nations. Yeah, but now we have to sit for three days with our hands behind our backs, and I am out of the essay contest. Yeah, I so wanted to win it. Yeah, by the way, sir, we've got to take a some way to bring us out together again. Yeah, we shall put our heads together. But not too hard, Olsen. Being a siren gave me an awful head. School will never be the same if we're not all together. That's true. With you in the classrooms, I knew I'd never be the one to get the voice marks. Yeah, and a miss budding was a haranani all the time, and if you were the deschers, she would have been a haranani you. The arsehole's next to you. I think ten times smarter. Oh, friends, such expressions of loyalty and friendship. Oh, here, you touch me, and I hate to say where. Oh, but I should say, you should see miss budding. She's a more beautiful than those blue eyes, the golden hair, the abacious smile. Even if I don't get back into that class, I'm gonna kill myself. Tell us, we'll go to the principal. We'll make a petition. We'll do something. But one thing is definite. We got to get together. We got to get together. Yeah, but the how? Before we return to life with Luigi, we'd like to mention that wriggly spearmint chewing gum is an ideal taste treat to enjoy while you're working. You can slip a stick of wriggly spearmint into your mouth anytime, and enjoy the good chewing with both hands free for the work you're doing. There's lots of refreshing, real spearmint flavor in wriggly spearmint to cool your mouth and freshen your taste. And the pleasant chewing helps to make your work go smoother and easier. So for a delicious taste treat plus chewing enjoyment while you work, always keep a package of wriggly spearmint chewing gum handy. Millions enjoy it daily, and we know you will, too. Now, let's turn to page two of Luigi Basco's letter to his mother in Italy. Well, my money is a wick since I'm away to school and has it passed like a year. It's a hard for me, but I'm not going to do my school to work a hard day like all the ways because of respect to Miss Farley. I'm going to work all the weekend in my essay, but even if I'm not going to win, isn't that going to make me happy like if our class was together? If only something a big dude would erupt from me on ahead. All right, knock-knock who's there? Hello, Miss Farley. That's the matter for you, little cabbage poach. What's wrong with you? Well, please, please, Miss Farley. I don't know when to talk about it. All right, you little popper squeak. Go ahead, sobbing yourself inside. I'm only trying to help you out. Don't you know misery loves the company and you know it's a me? You said I, Miss Farley. You're the most miserable company I've ever known. That's a funny thing. I'm going to say it as I come out of different. But I'm a no-minor inside you, Pusqually, but you always have got a same answer for all of my troubles. Right now, my big trouble, Pusqually, is that the principal in the school has split up with the class and I'm a day without a Schultz and Olsen. You've called that a trouble. I always have told you Olsen's are too smart of you and Schultz's are too stupid. Now, for you, it was insensible. You'd have spent more time with a certain party and you're not too smart and you're not too stupid. And you're not too skinny, neither. Luigi, I'm not going to argue with the facts. I'm going to produce the merchandise. If you can still pull yourself away from my Ross and go to school, okay. Stop. I'm going to call her in. Rosa! Rosa! Rosa! I see my little Daisy. Say hello to Luigi. Say yourself. Is he skinny like a toothpick? Mama, may I like to see somebody picking that teeth with that thing? Well, Luigi, you know you and Rosa belong together like a Flotsam and a Jetsam. Rosa, Luigi ain't going to be seeing Schultz and Olsen for a whole year. You know what that means? Yeah, they must be in jail. Well, shut up, you fat. Say something as charming, so Luigi shouldn't feel like going to school. Luigi, are you? Yes, sir, I say. Well, what is it, Rosa? Say it. I'm afraid I'm going to be always a bridesmaid and never a bride. Luigi, come here. Look here on the bulletin board. Can I give you a minute? Have the bulletin board. Luigi, you did it. You won the Elven Congress. Yes. I won you. Aren't you the fine stupid? Mr. Orte picked out your essay and you are going to read it tomorrow to the Yennele Assembly. Yeah, but I'm going to feel better if instead of a good essay, I'm going to get a good idea to bring all the classes together again. Well, I think we better give up that idea, Luigi. We have tied everything, but nothing works. What did you write about, Luigi? Well, I'm going to copy out of my essay here. Well, let me see that master piece. Mike? Mike? Give me. Sure, sir. Samari, you can't talk. Lightning struck you. Give me into my head an idea just pooch. An idea, believe me, friends, when I tell you it's the biggest thing since John Childs invented Thomas. What kind of an idea is it? Yeah. Luigi, your essay may yet bring up together. My essay. Yeah, yeah. Give me that copy. Who knows? See, we can get out of this class. Tomorrow, Mr. Hein, you won't be mine. Mine, everybody. Be like me. Always happy. Always loving. You. My romanticism is killing me. Good evening, students. Good evening, Mr. Hein. Hmm. Before I test you on today's lesson, students, those of you who came in unprepared plans, I see. Mr. Davis, what did George use? Well, I couldn't study last night because my wife had a baby. That is no excuse, Mr. Davis. Just for that, you may take a zero. Oh, remind me, never to have a baby. Is anybody else unprepared today? No, all right. Education is a serious, hard grind, and I do not intend to waste the taxpayer's money on incompetent, lazy students. If you think I'm too strict and all right, I'm strict and you might as well get used to it. Now, Mr. Schultz. Oh, yes, Warden. What did you say? I said, yes, Mr. Hein. You seem to be smiling so smugly. Well, I'm not. The winner of the essay contest was not in my class. He was in the folding class, Mr. Luigi Basko. I want winners in my class, and that's why you've got the study hard. Yeah, but Mr. Hein, Mr. Basko's essay has nothing to do with studying. In fact, it has something to do with... You? How do you know? Well, it just so happens that just... I have a copy of the winning essay. Brad, well, let me see it. Here. Essay by Mr. Luigi Basko. My class. My class is a great class. One of the reasons my class is so great is because it has people of different nationalities working together in harmony. My class will continue to be great this way, even though there may be some who will try to split us up. But no matter how hard they try, my class will always stay together. Good heavens. And Mr. Ork picked this essay as the best... What's the matter, Mr. Hein? Oh, nothing, nothing. Excuse me, quiet. I'll be back in a few minutes. Ooh, but I would give to hear that conversation in the principal's office right now. Sorry, Mr. Hein, considering all the reasons you gave me at the start of the term for splitting up Miss Balding's class. Mr. Ork, I'm man enough to admit when I've made a mistake. It's not working out in practice. Well, it's very admirable of you to admit your failure. As long as you request it, I shall take it under advisement and make my decision as soon as possible. Thank you, sir. We want to be a man. We got to find Miss Balding during this intermission and find out what happened with the class. I guess she is over there. Oh, Miss Balding. Miss Balding, tell us, tell us all we to get. I don't know yet. Mr. Ork came to me and asked me if I wanted you back. And what did you say? Well, you know how I've always felt about my class. Like a mother hen toward its little chicks. Oh, that's just so nice. Oh, God, that's so true. Like a mama hen to their little chickens. Come on, please stop crying. Another tear, and I'm gonna lay a egg. I suppose no one will come up to the stage, please. I shall be very happy to present the winner of the essay contest for Miss Balding's first Mr. Luigi Bosco. Thank you, Mr. Ork. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad you read my essay, which is called My Country. By what? My Country. Evil is Mr. Hein for shimmers. My country is a great country. One of the reasons my country is so great is because it's got people of different nationalities working all together in harmony. My country will continue. Mr. Schultz, in that copy you gave me, you changed the word country to class on the whole essay. Mr. Hein, do you think that I would stoop to such a low, contemptible trick? Yes. You're right. I have put one life to give to my class, and I gave it. Well, Mr. Hein, I've taken your suggestion. But, Mr. Ork, I... Don't bother thanking me, Mr. Hein. I'm glad when someone admits a mistake. Though am I. Oh, it's not a bit corresponding. I just heard. The governor just granted us a pardon. Wonderful. Thank you very much. So is it going to be the country to do what you want and live like you want in a peace and a prosperity? Thank you. Thank God. What do you mean? The class is together again. What? Luigi. I mean, I've never felt so good in my whole life. Schultz and Orkson, they're now back in a Miss Bolving's class with me and Horowitz. And I'm feeling so happy again. And if you think I was happy, you should have seen a Schultz lesson. When Miss Bolving was called on to him for an answer, and he's got his first zero, he was the happiest man in the whole world. He's your lovin' son, Luigi Vasco, the immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they'd like to remind you that it's a good idea to always have a few packages of Wrigley's Spearmint in your home for your family and friends to enjoy. People really appreciate it when you pass Wrigley's Spearmint Gum around. It tastes good. The chewing fleshings the taste, sweetens the breath, and aids digestion. Well, there's just something about chewing Wrigley's Spearmint Gum that makes folks feel more friendly and relaxed. So next time you go to the store, be sure to get a few packages of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum. That's Wrigley's Spearmint. Healthful, refreshing, delicious. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to Mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a sigh-howard production and is directed by Mack Benhoff. The script is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Derman. J. Carol Max is starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Liditz, Pasquale Hans, Tom Liditz, Joe DeGilbert is close to us. Mary Schiff is discoloring. Joe Forte is following. And Tim Peters has opened. Music is under the direction of Luglustin. This is Charles Lyon. This is the CBS Radio Network.