 What goes through the narcissist's mind when he idealizes you? What goes through the psychopaths mind when he discards you? And what goes through the borderline's mind when she alternates and vacillates and oscillates and every other leads? between her various dysregulated labile self-states How does it feel to be inside? The abuser's mind Now there are quite a few self-proclaimed narcissists Who try to verbalize their inner experience some of them even do it honestly? And there are quite a few victims real ones self-styled professional ones And covert narcissists posing to be victims posing as victims and all of them try somehow to get a handle to grasp the inner landscape of The narcissist the psychopath and to a lesser extent the borderline I'm saying to a lesser extent the borderline because the borderline is much more human than the narcissist let alone the psychopath the thing is that in the absence of empathy and access to emotions narcissists and psychopaths are not fully human in Any true sense of the word no amount of empathy can help you what is needed is scholarship And so this video is based on studies published papers academic journals articles and The decades-long work of luminaries From let's say Kernberg cohort Theodore millen All the way down to twinge all the way up if you wish to twinge and Campbell To this I can add my own personal experience and the fact that I have a date database of 1783 true to this morning Diagnosed Narcissist and psychopaths people diagnosed officially With narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder by professionals and diagnosticians not by their own spouses or angry neighbors or colleagues And in this database of 1783 individuals They responded to a structured questionnaire with 683 questions If you multiply the two you get an overwhelming database Regarding the what it means. How does it feel to be a narcissist? So today I'm going to discuss the narcissist How does he experience you? Not the other way So first of all, it's it's critical to make a distinction between narcissists and psychopaths. This distinction is often lost online by self-styled experts and others and they often confuse Irredimibly confused narcissists and psychopaths they attribute to narcissists many things which are actually the domain of psychopathy and They very often attribute to psychopaths many behaviors which are exclusive to narcissists It is true that every psychopath has a pronounced streak of grandiosity And it is true that some narcissists the small minority are psychopathic narcissists They are antisocial defined Like impulse control and so on, but that's a tiny tiny group. They used to be known as malignant narcissists In today's video, I'm going to discuss the classic narcissists the overt Classic narcissists not a covert not a malignant which are tiny minorities But they run of the mill Pedestrian narcissists that you're very likely to come across because anywhere between One percent one and a half percent and six percent of the population depending on which study you believe which study you trust our narcissists people with pronounced narcissistic traits behaviors style and personality So these are the narcissists you're going to come across Similarly, when I'm when I will discuss psychopaths a bit later. I'm going to discuss the typical psychopath Not the serial killer Most serial killers are sexual sadists and also psychopaths, but they're rare Luckily, there are few of them, you know, so it's a bit pointless to meet To to create this melange or cocktail of all these types because it's very misleading and very confusing So let's start with the narcissists For you as a as a victim or a potential victim or a survivor or Someone who might come across a narcissist in your daily life in the workplace in a romantic setting on a dating app For you, it's critical to understand it as far as the Nazis is concerned. There is no distinction between his fantasy life and real life He has impaired reality testing. He has cognitive deficits and the very essence and definition pathological narcissism is a grandiose fantasy Narcissism is a fantasy defense fantasy is a psychological defense mechanism and Narcissism is the fantasy defense mechanism writ large and narcissists cannot make the distinction between fantasy in reality also Because they interact with inner objects. They confuse exactly like psychotics They confuse inner objects with outer external objects. I You're all acquainted by now. I hope with the famous mechanism of snapshotting Where they interact with a snapshot of you they take a snapshot of you and then they interact with it With your representation with your avatar with your intro jack not with you and So what they do they internalize external objects, especially significant objects And especially objects that they can cause them pain and so they by abandoning them So they internalize these objects and then they continue to interact with the internal representations within a shared fantastic space and They can't tell the difference This is why they miss label emotions Narcissists feel intense emotions many many scholars Speculated that perhaps narcissism is in psychopathy are our reactions Defensive reactions defensive attempts to avoid very very deep Emotionality Perhaps narcissists and psychopaths or at least narcissists emote too much too strongly too intensely They are about to be to be overwhelmed by their emotions So they isolate themselves from their emotions. They put a firewall They put a mode and a fence and a fortress a fortification to avoid their emotions And this is why Rothstein and other scholars suggest that borderlines people with borderline personality disorders Are people who had tried to become narcissists and faith? These people are overwhelmed by dysregulated emotions These people drown in their emotions like COVID-19 emotional COVID-19 They drown in their own emotions because they can't control these emotions These emotions are much stronger than they are and they don't have a narcissistic defense So narcissists are capable of intense emotions the thing is that They feel them the experience the emotion, but they don't know what it is Because they are divorced from reality and they have this cognitive deficit and impaired reality testing They ask themselves What am I feeling now? What is it that I'm feeling now? Oh Must be love. So they say well, I love you They mislabel or they say I must be angry Narcissists Experience their emotions through a cognitive analytical filter They have to ask themselves What they're feeling and then they compare their experiences their reactions their moods their affect Their behaviors they compare all this to an internal database The database where they have entries and listings for how people behave when How people behave when they are sad they cry I cry therefore I'm sad How people behave when they're happy they smile I'm smiling now therefore I must be happy How people behave when they're in love? They crave the presence of the loved one. I crave the presence of my intimate partner. So probably I love her Of course the narcissist craves the presence of his name intimate partner because she gives him supply but he he even if he's aware of what supply is and Most narcissists by the way are self-aware. It's another idiotic myth online that they are not most of them are They're just proud of their disorder, but they are self-aware Self-aware, but mislabel Self-aware, but get it wrong Self-aware, but don't understand what they are aware of So Very often they think they're in love And they embed this love in the shirt find this perception of love misperception of love in in a shirt fantasy It's fantastic love because everything in the narcissist life has to be bigger than life Has to be fantastic has to be amazing has to be perfect has to be brilliant has to be everything is grandiose so the love must be grandiose and There is a difference between the shirt fantasy of a narcissist and the shirts fantasy of a psychopath I'm reading books where there is God almighty confusion between the two The shirt fantasy of a narcissist Involves imperfect mirror in other words the shirt fantasy of a narcissist Survives differences between the parties survives friction Survive this agreement and criticism and so this punishment, but it survives these things The shirt fantasy of a psychopath is perfect mirroring the psychopath doesn't live Doesn't leave Daylight between himself and his target The psychopath emulates and imitates the target to perfection So that the target feels that she had found her soulmate her twin her doppelganger her other The one she's been searching for all her life in other words herself So while narcissistic mirroring Idealizes the partner Allowing her to fall in love with her idealized image Psychopathic mirroring Includes idealization, of course plus the added element of Identity between the psychopath and his newfound so-called Love or intimate partner and the victims of psychopaths fall for it They feel that they had found the perfect resonance that they had been looking for all their lives This is rare with a narcissist What the victims of narcissistic feel is that they had found someone Who makes them feel good about themselves at the beginning at least and the shirt fantasy is established both types love bomb But usually only the psychopath grooms and When the shared fantasy is a psychopathic shared fantasy And it is it reaches its natural end its expiry Many psychopaths become long-term stalkers before they finally let go if they do Contra to information online It is the narcissist Who would let go of a shirt fantasy and move on to another target the famous idealized the value? discard replace is A narcissistic strategy because the narcissist is in need of a shirt fantasy all the time He cannot survive a minute without a shirt fantasy. So he immediately Replaces a defunct a dead Then expired shared fantasy with a new one The psychopath is different the psychopath is goal oriented will come to it in a minute And when he shared fantasy goes down the drain he won't accept it He won't accept it and many of them become long-term stalkers And this is regardless of whether the fantasy was active or not In other words regardless if there was a relationship at all Or whether it was all in the psychopaths head In the case of the narcissists Some narcissists become stalkers, but they become stalkers within an active Shirt psychos a shirt fantasy in other words narcissists talk Only as long as the partner gives them hope For example as long as the partner remains physically Cohabits with them doesn't leave home as long as a partner keeps calling them may communicating with them as Long as the partner keeps dropping hints that you know so as long as the shirt fantasy is active The narcissists will stalk Will stalk the target that is the process of hovering in effect The psychopath will stalk even after the shirt fantasy is dead as far as the other as far as the partner is concerned Because it's psychopaths Psychopaths are defined It's my way or the highway. I will decide when the shirt fantasy is over not you Narcissist is different Narcissist says as long as you give me hope I will be after you I'll keep coming keep coming back for more keep trying to coerce you to convince you to return to the shirt fantasy but the minute The narcissists is truly modified Get through his his thick skull that it's over He has to move on with the liquidity with speed as you cannot survive a second without a shirt cycles a shirt fantasy Within the shirt fantasy There's another difference The narcissists in the shirt fantasy Because the fantasy for him is a reality He misjudges the nature of the relationship Exactly like the histrionic he misjudges the intensity the depth the intimacy the commitment of the other party the motives of the other party Lies that he is being told he believes because he becomes Sudo stupid he becomes gullible within the shirt fantasy so He misjudges the nature of their relationship the nature of the shirt fantasy But he never misjudges the existence of the shirt fantasy. In other words after modification becomes clear to him the fantasy is dead The psychopath is exactly the opposite Psychopath never misjudges the nature of the shirt fantasy because he creates it as a tool to manipulate He's goal oriented or she's gone or it He creates a shirt fantasy because within the shirt fantasy you can get what he wants Sex power money contacts these that access Psychopath is everything creates a simulation creates a matrix Within which his victims react exactly as they want them to react and further his aims and goals So he never mistakes the nature of what's happening, but he sometimes mistakes The existence of the fantasy exactly opposite of the Nazis He won't he won't take no for an answer And this is why psychopaths are very very dangerous much more dangerous as intimate partners than Nazis The Nazis is Operates on kind of two tracks. He has a two track mind It's easier for the Nazis is to operate to two tracks because the Nazis is essentially is a broken personality I even suggested many times the Nazis has multiple personality. He has a true self and a false self by definition So it's a form of dissociated by the entity disorder Nazis is dissociated a lot. They depersonalized today realize they have dissociative amnesia exactly like border lines It's easier for narcissists to work on two tracks and within the shirt fantasy the narcissists works on two tracks there is this Guy if you wish this entity this locus Which is rarely wrong? clear-eyed insightful intuitive and a lytical Prognostic prognosticator. It's almost I would say supernatural telepathic the narcissist knows at every given moment when he's about to be betrayed for example and at the same time At the very same time concurrently There is a child there Deluded caught in the fantasy erotomaniac kind of kind of Dependent with an impaired reality test with a confirmation bias filters out Information that is hurtful countervailing This second entity is always shocked when He's cheated on or betrayed in another way The former entity communicates with his partners the latter entity the deluded child communicates with him the former entity Is the one that interfaces with the with the women but the latter entity is The one that captivates the partner So even in the partner there's a similar duality Similar break which explains the unease when you're with the narcissist Do you feel that it's sometimes you're communicating with a very hurt very small child and at other times with a pretty sharp cookie with a tough tough as nails lawyer type Who is you know won't take bullshit won't take no want won't buy your stories and lies and everything Sees through you It's very penetrating in every way so This is the duality of the of the narcissists. There's no such thing as a psychopath With a psychopath What you see is who you are There is no one there the psychopath is a perfect mirror The narcissist provides you with a whole of mirrors Which reflect these mirrors reflect you wrongly by idealizing The narcissist provides you with a whole of mirrors Which reflects you totally the emphasis is on totally not not so much on idealizing you But on being like you being identical to you So while the narcissist will tell you for example That you're good-hearted because it's part of the idealization the psychopath may tell you that you're actually pretty vicious Exactly like him You're vicious and vicious. We are one of the same. We're the same person The psychopath messages. We are one organism. We are one entity with two heads It's a merger infusion message. That's why it works wonderfully with co-dependence and with border lines the psychopath messages your Strong points your weak points your shortcomings your advantages your talents your skills your wishes Your fears your needs your preferences your priorities your values your hopes your dreams everything It's exactly me the psychopath says How did you find me? I'm you You positive and negative This is not the narcissist message the nicest is messages. There's nothing negative in you You are perfection ray fact You are Wow If you're beautiful you're drop dead gorgeous if you are intelligent you're a genius the Nazis flatters you counterfactually Psychopath never does this Psychopath just tells you I'm like you And so this issue of co-idealization which doesn't happen with the cycle The narcissists grandiosity Crucially depends on call idealize it The only reason the narcissist idealizes his partner is so that he can feel idealized himself If the narcissist partner is the most drop dead gorgeous super genius What does it say about the narcissist that she is his partner and no one else's? Imagine If your partner is bigger than life, you're bigger than life if your partner is a genius you must be a genius Otherwise, why would she be with you if your partner is drop dead gorgeous? You must be irresistibly attractive Idealizing your partner Reflects on you. It's a way to idealize yourself as an arsonist way to buttress your grandiosity This process is called co-idealization. It does not happen with psychopaths Psychopaths are not interested at all in narcissistic supply their grandiosity the psychopaths grandiosity is inward-looking it's it's Self-sufficient it's self-contained The psychopath knows that he's superior end of story doesn't need anyone to confirm it to him He just knows it. It's a fact in this beautiful fact. Who can who can argue with that? Who can argue with it? Whoever argues with that is an idiot Narsis is not the same Narsis is compensatory He needs other people to tell him that he's superior and if people don't do that If they don't tell him that he's superior or they challenge his superiority. He's very easy to destabilize is is very uncertain There's an external locus of control and so Then the psychopath does not co-idealize When and if the psychopath idealizes you it's part of a process of manipulating you subjugating you Rendering you addicted to his praise. It's it's goal oriented. It's a tool. It's an instrument. It has no reflection on him Psychopath is utterly unaffected by his idealization of you I Mean who cares what you are really and who you are really What is it? What is all matter? It's like, you know me and me Co-idealization the narcissist co-idealization occurs simultaneously in two spaces One space is real one is imaginary. This is not the case with the psychopath The narcissist pathological narcissistic space is his stooping ground. It's a real space. It's a physical space Could be his home church neighborhood pub volunteer organization or workplace It's a location. It's a location in which his sources of supply habitually congregate and interact to provide the narcissists with adulation and affirmation Applause. No, it's where he get applause. So it could be a concert hall And concurrent with this physical site the narcissist maintains a shared fantasy space here in his mind and Within this shared fantasy space. He idealizes both himself and and his intimate mate Co-idealization psychopath doesn't have this psychopath has only a Space a single space and it's a totally physical space The psychopath does not have a shared fantasy with you. He creates a fantasy for you Psychopath is a little like Disneyland Disneyland, they don't think that Mickey Mouse is real or Minnie Mouse is real But they give you Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse because you want it makes you feel good So it's the same as a psychopath. He creates a fantasy space for you a Disneyland mental Disneyland, but he never Never makes the mistake of confusing this space that he had created his work of art with reality like the narcissist does So the psychopath is only physical locations or digital Communication which is also physical because you have to hold the smartphone. It's very nice. The psychopath is very reality based It doesn't have an impaired reality test. It doesn't give a shit about reality He doesn't care. He doesn't mind He's whimsical He's prone to to Satisfies impulses never mind what never mind who never mind what's the cost? So he ignores reality because of his grandiosity But he never mistakes it for a fantasy not so the Nazis is Nazis is much more psychotic Much more psychotic than the psychopath And I beg to differ with Kernberg and others much more psychotic than the borderline When the narcissist is forced to return to reality when he's brutally awakened and Decompensates when his defenses crumble fall apart He usually does it Come comes back to reality wake wakes up by by having been narcissistically injured or even modified It's a precondition The Nazis never abandons the fantasy Because it sees reality when he is expelled from the garden of eight of Eden When he's expelled from the garden of Eden, there should be an angel there with a flaming sword or else He will try to re enter the garden and eat another apple with a naked Eve. I Love this imagery. Okay so The Nazis is not statistically injured. It's mortified and then what he does he devalues The fount of hurt and frustration. He devalues the source if I was a person who hurt him who frustrated him Usually it's the intimate public, but it doesn't have to be What he uses the infantile Splitting defense mechanism. You remember what is splitting black and white good and bad good and evil Right and wrong. Everything is a hundred percent good a hundred percent bad a hundred percent evil a hundred percent good a hundred percent gratifying a hundred percent frustrating But it's always a hundred percent. We call it decotonous thinking Black or white thinking all or nothing all or nothing thinking so he uses this infantile splitting defense to render his partner the polar opposite of her erstwhile Idealized version So if she were if she were in the idealized version dropped it gorgeous. No, she's getting old if she were a genius now She's either a genius only in certain things or really very stupid but Exactly as idealizing the partner resulted in self idealization. You remember call idealization like he idealized the part of idealize himself So it's tense reason That devaluing the partner should result in self devaluation and Narcissus go through this phase. They ask themselves How could I have been so stupid and blind and gullible and wrong and fallible to not see how inferior she is and This is a phase That is common to narcissists and to victims of narcissists ironically. Don't forget Narcissus are the outcome of narcissistic abuse in early childhood. They are Post-traumatized they're in a post-traumatic condition. I Even suggested that narcissism is not a personality disorder, but a post-traumatic state So they have exactly the same reactions like the victim of narcissistic abuse but Infused tinged imbued painted over with grandiosity And to avoid this excruciating outcome of saying to himself I've been stupid. I've been wrong I've been to avoid this excruciating outcome to avoid this Inner internally generated challenge to his grandiosity The narcissist engenders an external Modification you remember when in the four videos where we analyze where I analyze modification. I told you that modification The one of the ways to cope with modification is to replace it with another modification, which is much more acceptable So the narcissist creates another modification, which is more acceptable to him. This modification says she is evil She's dumb. She's a psychopathic bitch and I must punish her And immediately he embarks on a new round of Co-idealization with the next available and willing target or victim or prey because he can't live a second Without a shirt fantasy. Remember fantasy is his reality When he's taken out of the fantasy, he feels the same way you feel When you are caught in a nightmare It's exactly Narciss world is a mirror image of your world What to you is reality to him is fantasy and what to you is fantasy to him is reality So when he's when he's forced to confront reality as it is He feels he's caught in a nightmare from which he cannot wake up Except through the good services of a new intimate power And now let's transition to the psychopath Contrary to the narcissist the psychopath has no emotions None end of story Narcissists have emotions They are terrified of their own emotions. So they isolate themselves from their emotions There are a few videos on my channel which deal with this Psychopaths have no emotions. They were born We now know With abnormalities in the brain Extremely simple Psychopathy very similar to schizophrenia By polar disorder autism is a brain disorder It's lumped together for some utterly Oblivious and incomprehensible reason it's lumped together with for example, narcissism just because both of them are grandiose it's wrong psychopaths as Cleckley observed in 1942 Psychopaths are actually a form They are very difficult to distinguish between them and let's say crazy people because They have a brain problem So they have no emotions what I have instead of emotions is stirrings whims They're like zombies who receive electrical tiny electrical shocks and then it's like a frog in the in the Biology lab, you know the dead frog that you inject electricity and it jumps or it flexes its its legs It's dead legs psychopath is dead Dead inside dead outside. It's a walking talking simulation of a human being It's a brilliant wonderful amazing simulation so it can convince you that it has empathy his emotions His healing is changing is it's it's a wonderful rendition of A perfect human being and it is this perfection That it is that is the first sign of trouble If he's too good to be true, he's a psychopath and There are two types of psychopath essentially. There's a mischievous psychopath. I Call it the clickly psychopath after Harvey clickly the father of the study of psychopathy together with carpman So the mischievous psychopath I Think has affinity with the secondary psychopath the secondary psychopath is capable of some rudimentary conscience empathy and emotions some a little and The secondary psychopath is about entertainment. He is focused on having fun Entertaining himself he's bored all the time. He's bored and he's converting his his own life Into a big theme park into a show in interminable show stand-up comedy show And other people are props so he uses you is likely to use you likely to compromise you to co-opt you Brainwash you condition you idealize you addict you Groom you you name it, but he's doing all this in order to toy with you. He likes to play with you and Once he's done is like a child in this sense. He's not childish Psychopaths are never childish unlike the narcissist But he behaves like a child. So once he's done with you done I don't know dismantling you disassembling you breaking your part putting you back together Nobody's you know toy with you essentially could be sex could be just sex But once he's done with you he discards you exactly like a child Discards an old toy in favor of a new one and it's all been about entertaining No, this kind of mischievous Psychopath Realizes that he cannot I mean you won't agree Rarely agreed to participate in such a thing. So he tells you stories exactly like the narcissist Exactly like the narcissist who wants to engender a shared fantasy Psychopath also would lie to you. I don't know promise you love A romantic affair marriage a business partnership The second type of psychopath is goal oriented. I call it the hair psychopath or the baby egg psychopath after the two scholars who Dedicated their lives to studying this kind of circle the goal oriented psychopath also known as the primary psychopath He's wrong. He's a he's goal oriented. They say the name implies so he wants something I don't know sex. He wants money wants access. He wants your contacts. He wants your address book He wants he wants to have he wants to team up with your friend not with you But he needs to go through you. He wants to get something from your father But he needs to pretend that he's your lover so that your father gives him money He has something in mind. He always has something in mind. He's manipulative and he's going through all these exercise with you To captivate you so that he's able to manipulate So the first time the mistress type wants to play with you is a playmate Psychopath and the second type is a goal oriented psychopath. He wants to use you. He wants to exploit you And now I come to the borderline borderline is a very complex disorder It's a complex miss disorder because it has elements borrowed from Other cluster B personality disorders. It has the narcissist's grandiosity. It has the psychopath's defiance and lack of impulse control it has object inconsistency it has defense mechanisms which are typical of narcissists it has histrionic behavior For example hyper-emotionality Misjudging the nature and depth of intimacy and relationships. So borderline is a kind of amalgam cocktail Precy Dictionary encyclopedia of all other cluster B personality disorders, but coupled with Coupled with elements which are typical of other clusters For example seriously dysregulated emotions Moodle ability which very often imitates bipolar disorder. It's not but imitates bipolar disorder Irrassibility and rage Which are typical of some schizophrenics and paranoics the borderline in this sense Is not a real clinical entity That's why when we look at borderlines We can divide them into types and subtypes and sub-subtypes and species and sub-sub-species it endlessly to the end to doomsday because Each borderline has their own disorder. It's a little like You take a woman most borderlines a whip you take a woman and tell her okay Go through the DSM and pick up you know as many traits characters characteristics and behaviors as you wish from any disorder that you want So no no borderline is identical to the other Not one is identical to the other It's it's like if there's for example a hundred million borderlines then there's a hundred million Types of borderline personality disorder makes it extremely difficult For their intimate partners to cope with them To live with them to anticipate them to manage them to manage a relationship to communicate with them Very difficult Still of course all borderlines have a few things they share in common and and within today's Presentation what is important to understand it is that the borderline transitions Cycles there's a borderline cycle she Encounters some problem if frustration a real rejection and you imagined rejection and humiliation And abuse she's been abused or she thinks she's been abused a lot of Borderline borderline exactly like the narcissist has an impaired reality test and magical thinking So everything that happens in her head is actually reality. I mean if if you think it must be so and so Whenever I say rejection or humiliation or abuse or withholding or it could be real and could be imaginary or anticipated it She predicts it's gonna happen And so she reacts to frustration Not with aggression There is a classic hypothesis in 1939 by Donald that Frustration breeds aggression. It's true generally the borderline is a bit different initially She reacts to aggression by becoming a narcissist She has grandiose by becoming simultaneously. I'm sorry a narcissist and a secondary cycle simultaneously, it's extremely Unsettling to watch I've had the privilege Of the misfortune of watching quite a few borderlines go through this. It's it resembles To a very high degree The switching between personalities in someone with multiple personality disorder And that's why many many scholars suggest that borderline personality disorder is a dissociative identity disorder is a dissociative State so that the borderline has many self states. They are not personalities. They are not that well developed But they are distinguishable And if you ever saw borderline Faced with frustration For example rejection or withholding or being ignored being abused You can see When you watch her you can see her changing Metamorphosizing shape-shifting and Then she kind of splits. There's a part of her that becomes a narcissist and the second part becomes a secondary cycle So as a narcissist, she would suddenly become very grandiose With impaired reality testing Disempathic borderlines are usually empathic, but she would become then disempathic Vicious in them and then as a secondary psychopath, she will be cold and calculated She would think how to hurt how to arm How to cause pain she will become even a bit sadistic She will be defined She would have no impulse control She would not consider the consequences of her actions. She would have zero object constancy out of sight out of mind And she would split you would become when she's a secondary psychopath in analysis is simultaneously You become all bent a Secretary object to be eliminated to be destroyed to be devastated to be ruined to be smashed to be and and she She kind of runs herself into a frenzy and this frenzy is psychopathic frenzy Anyone who is witnessed a psychopathic rage attack knows what I'm talking about at the same time She insists on her grandiosity as a defense against the frustration It's her way of defending exactly like the narcissist And so she is Irresistible to both the narcissist and the psychopath The psychopath sees in her a perfect vessel for manipulation Container of his tactics She's so easy So easy to manipulate all you need to do is press a few buttons Kernberg and others suggested that It's a very disorganized personality very low level of organization very chaotic. It's very easy to manipulate it And what the Nazis is in her is a soulmate She's equally grandiose and she knows how to gratify him because she is also a narcissist in some ways and so Borderline is very likely exactly like the codependent by the way these two types are very likely to agree willingly and lovingly and eagerly to participate in the narcissist shared fantasy and To submit themselves to a psychopath a primary cycle The borderline feels safe with a primary psychopath because she has the personal experience of What it means to be a psychopath? As a secondary psychopath She feels strong. She feels empowered. She feels in control She feels that she has the power to inflict pain rather than experience pain She feels she can dysregulate other people situations So the primary psychopath is like her is what what she wants to be when she grows up is like an idol a Rockstar a the ideal that she aspires to in many ways Makes her feel safe and protected and understood and taken to a new extreme or a new level elevated very often we find a mom for example Couples who are serial killers we find one borderline among ones primary psychopath And on the other hand she's also open to participate in the shared fantasy of the narcissist The narcissist idealized idealizes his intimate partner and caters to the borderline's Grandiosity, which is her main and only defense against dysregulation Lobility in utterly intolerable tolerable and bearable pain which drives close to 11% of borderlines to commit suicide So borderline finds both of them Irresistible because both of them truly are her soulmates My name is Santak me and I'm the author of Malignant self love narcissism revisited One last comment Many of you women of course wrote to me. I never cheated on my husband I never dreamt of cheating on my husband. The thought never crossed my mind Allow me to disbelief a lot of this But let's assume I believe you you should really really watch videos much more carefully. I Made very clear in my previous video then I'm giving cheating as an example of Cause for mortification. I even mentioned explicitly that it doesn't have to be cheating It could be absconding with the family's money. It can be other reckless behaviors. I don't know and bridal chopping Gambling of a logical gambling or just packing up your things and disappearing which is an aggressive aggressive Disregulated act. I mean, there are many ways to modify a narcissist one of the most common ways is cheating and because Nazis profess profess to be Maximally mortified by cheating. I took that as an example an idealized example, but ladies Please listen well Before you make comments Thank you