 One of the most memorable things about hopping online a new game is a new player experience you get. You know, just think about it, you know, Smash Bros Online. How fun it is the first time you pick your character, load into the game, click a button, and then the controls activate 17 seconds later. And then you buy Ethan an adapter because, believe it or not, that was probably the least laggiest person you'll face all day. And League of Legends, when you first hop online, you know, you play your heart out. Man, you might even be killing everyone. In fact, yeah, you are killing everyone. You're taking all the objectives. You're either MVP, and your team is just hyping you up. Oh man, that's my boy. I taught him everything that I knew. And then you make one mistake, and all those compliments turn into a 25-page essay, and allow you to be best friends with a rope and a ceiling fan. And ask when you learn about the Mute All button. And then there's GTA Online. Oh, what, you thought there was something after that? No, because this game is a void. This game is made to suck the joy out of your life and leave only emptiness in your heart. Unlike Smash Bros. and League, there is no saving grace to make the flaws of the game feel any better. Hey, but kneecaps, why are you talking about a game that's seven years old? Shut the fuck up. I made the mistake of booting up this dinosaur of a game a few weeks ago. A friend of mine said, Hey, bro, I heard GTA put out this new heist, man. Come on, bro, hop online. And me being the idiot that I was, I was like, Hey, you know what? Why not? This is gonna be so fun, but it was not so fun. In fact, it was the opposite of fun. Not fun. I hop on the damn server. Hey, what's going on, my GTA friends? I haven't been on this game for like a year and some change. I hope you're all doing okay, though. Oh, well, I'm just gonna go drive to my friend's house so we can start up a mission if that's okay with you guys. So I'm just walking on a Los Santos sidewalk and... Wow! Wow, this level 300 nigga on a flying bike. Like the Wicked Witch of the West shooting a lock on missiles. He sees me and he's like a level eight player walking down the street with no weapons? Finally! A worthy opponent! And then he starts killing me over and over again. So then I was like, you know what? Let's just hop in another server. So we hop in another server and it was even worse. And what could be worse than a flying bike that shoots homing rockets? Now, what you expect me to say is two flying bikes that shoot homing rockets or something like that. But no, even worse than that, a hacker that can blow everyone in the room up with the click of a button every time you respawn. So then I hopped in another server and lo and behold, who could ever guess? Another player on a fuck you hover bike. And the thing is, you think that dying over and over again is what would make me mad. But it's not. It doesn't. As little brain cells it takes to operate and kill someone on the bitch bike, some of these players actually grind it and put the time in to get all the in-game money needed to afford something this expensive. Even though they're so dumbasses for using a bike, you know, let's not get that wrong, there's a speck of respect I can grant them for not just opening up their wallets and then dumping out all their money to be good at the game. What I have a problem with is that the majority of the people that have this spike are the ones that dump all their money out for this game. Oh, I can see it now. After my can't beat this guy, he's so much better than me. Mommy, daddy, please help me. I'm a stupid little bitch. What? No son of mine will get beaten in this old-ass Godforsaken game. Here's all your college fund money. Now go out there and ruin some people's day. The cherry on top, you know, the cherry on top. Like, I'm already upset. I'm already getting heated. I'm getting, you know, rocketed repeatedly while I'm trying to shoot them down with a pistol that I found behind the dumpster. I'm on my knees begging, please, bro, please. I just wanna play the game, bro. I just wanna be able to walk a block without a missile getting lodged up my ass. And these morons are like, ah-ha, you can't beat me, you can't beat me. And you know what? As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. I can't beat you. No matter how hard I try, I'm completely powerless. But you know what you can't do? You know what you can't do? You can't tell me the last time you took a shower. You can't tell me the last time you received oxygen from the outside air. You can't tell me the last time you felt the touch from someone of the opposite gender. You know, life piece of shit. And funny enough, I don't harbor any hatred to these griefers. No, no, I don't. You know, I only feel sorrow and pity that someone can actually have this sad of an existence. But one day, one day they'll turn their lives around. You know, one day they'll learn about the wonders of soap and deodorant. One day they'll find a girl who loves them just as much as they love her. And they'll go on all types of trips. Hawaii, Machu Picchu, everywhere. They'll get engaged. They'll get married. And one day while they're enjoying some quality time with their family, wife, kids and all, you know, watching some wiggles on their flat screen TV, I'm gonna blast them in smithereens with my own rock and roll. All right, put them. Instagram and Twitter clout. And.