 Well hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic why men pursue when they're not ready. That's what it looks like when they're not ready. Really quickly if you're new to my YouTube channel please hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell so you can be notified of new content. If any time during this video this resonates with you please hit that like button. Also these are my weekend videos I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called Midlife Love Mastery where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and depending on the questions you ask I shoot personalized videos just for you so check out the link below to my VIP group called Midlife Love Mastery. Alright we're going to talk about why men pursue when they're not ready. Alright so let me tell you where this video was birthed from and I get this question so frequently women post questions like why do men pursue relationships when they're not ready why do men enter into relationships only to say they're not ready. So let's explore this from a variety of different ways what does that mean not ready because sometimes let's be real that not ready means I'm just not interested in you and let's you know let's face it in the mating dance we meet someone there's physical attraction you start exploring a relationship or exploring getting to know one another based on this physical traction after 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 weeks you go you know if this person isn't right for me and someone men oftentimes say that they're not ready when this happens when really it's not saying it's not me it's really saying it to you that's one of the primary reasons this happens okay but let's explore the deeper reason why people might say they're not ready and this is true for men and women alike let me repeat that this is true for men and women alike is that the vast majority of humans actually don't know how to get to know another human being from a deep soul connection let me repeat that most humans actually don't know how to get to know another human being from a deep emotional connection because we're either hyper focused on our own needs in the beginning of the dating process men tend to be more focused sexually women tend to be more focused emotionally and I'm not saying this is an absolute it just tends to be this way because human beings want connection with one another okay it's great we want connection and when you're meeting a total stranger you have no idea whether or not this person is actually a fit in your life so oftentimes the real issue at least the way I observe it is not an issue of readiness okay it's more of an issue of intentionality let me repeat that intentionality what I'm observing today for both men and women alike is they're not very intentional in the dating process because we've been indoctrinated in this belief that men are supposed to be chivalrous and they're supposed to claim you and a woman just has to sit back in her feminine energy and do nothing that's what I feel like when I hear that endless and I get it feminine energy means being in your empowerment but it's also turning women into these submissive roles when actually I believe it should be an intentional role and what is that that intentionality is asking better questions in the dating process asking deeper questions early on and it blows me away how many of you ladies will reach out to me you'll be in dating someone for two or three months you're having sex with them on a regular basis and you're like well when should I bring up you know when to be monogamous and exclusive I'm like that should happen well before the penis ever goes inside the vagina and if you're not asking better questions then what's most likely going to happen is you could get burned I'm sorry to say this and here's the sad part dating triggers the number one emotional health issue facing most everyone let me repeat that dating triggers the number one emotional health issue most people are faced with and that is I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and let me tell you the reason why this happens is if you go on a date it doesn't end up have you know nothing happens you go on another date and it doesn't end up with another person something doesn't happen then you start a short live relationship and something doesn't it doesn't you know manifest into a full-blown relationship and if this happens enough time it wears on our emotional soul and this is why I'm such a big proponent such a big proponent of learning how to love on oneself and it's why I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway there's a link below to get my book there's the back cover this is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work to shore up your insights because here's the reality when it comes to men okay and this idea of readiness the real issue is most men operate like this okay here's the deal most men operate like this I'll believe it when I see it I'll believe it when I see it I'll believe it when I see it I'll believe it when I see it okay now how that operates is they might feel attraction for a woman just temporarily but they don't see a future with them so remember I'll believe it when I see it I believe so they need to see that there's a real future but here's the narrative I am encouraging people to operate from I'm encouraging them to operate from a different perspective I actually heard this from Wayne Dyer so if you're not familiar with Wayne Dyer Google him great content great personal development coach one of my favorite mentors of all time and he doesn't say I believe it when I see it he says when I believe it I will see it when I believe it I will see it and that's what intentionality is is understanding what you want from a relationship from the perspective of compatibility and how to ask the right questions to determine if you're really compatible with one another and then lastly vetting for emotional maturity this is why when I created my private coaching program and by the way there's a link to a discovery call if you want to hear about that's what I teach people is how to understand true compatibility because we've hyper focused on chemistry and attraction as being the indicator of relationship success and I get it we need chemistry to hook us okay we need chemistry to hook us I get that but it serves no purpose if you're not compatible and ladies so many of you have adopted this but if we love each other we'll just magically work out because magic fairy dust always works out I'm sorry to say this narrative this fantasy that love will solve incompatibility is such a I just want to pull my hair out I have to okay my mug says let that should go I got to let this go and what I mean is my frustration look I get it this is not there's nothing easy about this process of dating mating relating and it's actually kind of a clusterfuck out there I get it and it can feel really frustrating when a man pursues pursues pursues only to have him say I'm not ready and this is why I'm encouraging a more intentional way to approach the process oh by the way my shirt says axe capital if you can guess what TV show this is from post a comment below I think the new seasons coming up which is why I was excited to wear this today but going back to intentionality that's what I want to encourage all people to start being more intentional more forthright what that means let's let's talk about this for a second what is intentionality first it's getting crystal clear on you and yourself and your lifestyle and your own emotional maturity this is critically important for getting clear about yourself and then and then coming up with a list of questions to determine if someone else shares your values if their lifestyle is blendable with yours and if they're emotionally mature because ladies you're operating from well men are supposed to be taking the lead and they take charge and I just sit back and be friendly and feminine and that's just going to make them fall madly in love with us and it's going to magically work out really really is that how it magically works out at the bottom line is this we are a melting pot of a variety of different values I mean human beings here a variety of different values a variety of different lifestyles and quite frankly a significant lack of emotional maturity this is why I recommend doing the develop personal development work so you become a magnetic attractor to someone else who's done the work and ladies let me just say this I go to many well I didn't go during the pandemic but throughout the last half decade I've gone to at least a dozen personal development workshops and I can tell you half of the room are men and half of the room are women there are men doing the personal development work I'm tired of this narrative that women are doing all the work and men are men do plenty of personal development work in fact there's some of the leaders in the area personal development I just mentioned Wayne Dyer I can mention Joe dispens like and mention Neil Donald Walsh just to name a few so there are plenty of men who are the teachers at it and men show up to these events so let's stop focusing on what's wrong and let's start focusing on what's right and what's most important for you is for you to love on yourself because if a guy does pursue and then pulls away you're going to go that's okay he's just not my guy he's just not my guy but I what I don't want you to have is these repeated patterns of endless it's going nowhere in fact I feel like I'm babbling right now is this going anywhere is am I making my point I think I'm okay I think I've made my point okay why do men pursue when they're not ready it's because they don't operate from a place of when I believe it I will see it because when you operate from a place of intentionality you're going to have a greater chance of finding what you're seeking all right I'd like to hear your thoughts on this please post a comment below if this resonates with you or if you have a question please post I do my best to read them all as always please share this with your friends as well okay I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic John the bear hug of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear or pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it we could all use more love in our lives thanks a bunch bye bye now