 So today we're going to talk about the seven shocking signs a man isn't serious about you Do you realize that serious relationships are on the decline? That's right. They're on the decline You know marriages on the decline Significant relationships are on the decline. What's on the rise are friends with benefits casual relationships Relationships just to name a few and you want to know something to some degree. I blame men for this I blame now. I know men blame women for this I know the red pill community blames women in the sense that they're entitled. They're selfish They're no longer grateful anymore. And while there's some truth to that. I also blame men for not being Serious about their intentions. You see the reality is is these days You can dip your toe in the dating pool You can basically get some companionship some connection some sex and and then exit whenever you want You know, it's almost like leasing a car But you know even leasing versus buying a car But when you think about it, you know, the idea is you're just gonna use this car While it's in its prime and then you're gonna turn it back in when it's no longer in its prime You see it used to be you'd buy a car and you keep it for 10 20 even 30 years Because it was a significant investment and these days Men don't have to make a significant investment into a relationship Because many men don't want a significant or serious relationship And that not to suggest that women aren't also in this category for the most part, you know I will blame men a lot and I'll blame women a lot or let me say instead of blame I accuse men of their behavior just as equally as much as I can use women for their behavior So let me just say this. I'm an equal opportunity Criticizer See the thing is is men will oftentimes come on strong because they're in the lust phase of a Relationship or even a limerence phase and they'll do certain things to prove themselves. They'll be rather Romantic romantic romantic God, why am I tongue-tied these days? They'll be romantic and yet as soon as they've captured you soon as the hooks in they stop doing the things they did To get you to convince them to be with them Because this dance this dating mating dance in this ritual is so chaotic It's so confused and it's missing this one in Elements See many of you are familiar with my category of grower builders Spenders and users users and that users represent 20% of the population Spenders represents 60% of the population and grower builders represents about 20% of the population See the users are there in it for the short term. They're in it for the short game These are the players. These are the love bombers that sort of thing. These are the entitled women The gold diggers that sort of thing. Those are the user. They're only in it for themselves The spenders they want that companionship. They want that connection. They want sex They want to spend time with you at their beck and call But most importantly, they're not capable of anything serious for some reasons I'm about to share with you in a moment. Okay, so that's what I call spenders The grower and builders those are people that are clear. They want Long-term relationship there. They have a long-term mating strategy And I've coined a new phrase. Let me just read this out loud growers are all in Through thick and thin they want to win I'm gonna repeat that growers are all in through thick and thin they want to win In other words when two people enter into the diet dating dynamic and say look, I'm all in now Let me be clear about all in All in simply means I'm demoting my I'm I'm devoting time to getting to know you With the declaration of something serious. I'm all in in participation. I'm all in In the communication. I'm all in in the presence of forming this relationship See most people don't need to do that because it's casual its Situationships are friends with benefits. There's no real agreements between two people And I'm here to encourage and all in approach. This is why if you're familiar with my work I created my dating vows and by the way, I'm going to read this really quickly But there's a link below to get a copy of my dating vows in the description the dating vows Is in essence a declaration that in this experience I'm fully committed to To exploring this from a serious perspective not from a casual perspective from a serious perspective And it's an agreement two people make with one another They say I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months Now, let me be clear about this This this still implies what i'm about. Well, let me read the rest of it and then i'll go into it I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together I agree not to actively seek to meet and date others while we're in the active while we're dating process Including taking down my dating profile. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus ghosting Pulling back or disappearing and I agree to invest regular time In the process of getting to know you which looks like something like this We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interests Spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads as I said before To declaring something serious in the first three to six months and to declare something more significant after one year Ladies if you are spending if you've gotten to this video and the title Appealed to you because you're in a relationship and you're not sure if he's serious if you've been in a relationship for over a year And there isn't a serious declaration. He's using you Okay, he's using you what I mean by using you. He's using you for companionship connection and sex But he's he's a spending let me reframe the word using he's spending time with you and you will feel like you've been used Okay, so let's talk about these seven things right now number one He refuses to commit or define the relationship early on If the minute the penis goes inside the vagina and you two have not Clearly defined. Is this a relationship and the purpose of the relationship? Then you have a problem He's not serious about you folks. I'm listen. I'm your big brother If I could be there with a shotgun on your first date with the guy pointed in his face and say what's your intentions with my sister? There's a consequence For not being intentional. You're gonna get buckshot. You're gonna get shot in the butt You know by a shotgun For not being intentional And ladies, I can't be there for you on a first date. So you have to do this for yourselves You have to be not your own protector But you're here You know your your job is to be your own matchmaker. This is where working with a coach like myself comes in Do you see this link right here? There's a link below as well My job is to teach you discernment. My job is to teach you how to vet A person for compatibility and more importantly how to vet for emotional maturity. So number one He refuses to define the relationship. He says things like let's take it slow. Let's not put labels on it folks You gotta put put fucking put labels on it the sooner the better number two You don't come first in his life after the sex at the minute. He's bedded you Again men in the in the hunt phase But Jonathan men love the hunt and they love the chase What are they chasing? What are they hunting? They're hunting your vagina. They're not hunting I want to be in a relationship, but I'm going to put my bow and arrow out my cupid's bow is all about That's not what they're hunting. They're hunting sex Except the grower and builders, but they operate differently, which we'll talk about You're not a priority in his life and guess what his problems will always take precedence over you His problems whether it's his children whether it's his work whether it's his ex-spouse Whether it's his friends when a man puts everything else and his problems ahead of you He's not serious about you Folks, you know married couples that truly love each other Why is it they can put their partner on equal status to their problems? I mean think about that for a moment Happily married couples can take a problem, but they're on equal footing with their partner But in in casual relationships and situationships the problem is here and you're like way down here down down down down Okay, number three He's barely interested in your life Short phone calls You know avoiding phone calls. Oh, I'm busy. You know, I've got to deal with this problem He's barely interested in your life. It's always about his life, but he's barely interested in your life That's a sign. He's not serious about you. He's not a teammate Remember I talked about grower builders a moment ago Folks, I want you to really contemplate this teammate Is this person my teammate? This is all the whole purpose of being in a relate the whole purpose Of joining two people together so you can be a team with one another you can be well Again users they just want you for they just want to use you Spenders they just want a piece of you grower builders They want to covet you. In fact, I want to read to you something that Stan dr. Stan tackon who wrote the book Wired for love wired for love by the way, there's a link below to get all the books. I recommend He has his 10 commandments 10 commandments for relationship essentials and good someone write this in the chat box 10 dr. Stan tackon 10 commandments For relationships essentials. I'm just going to read the first two Thou shalt protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs Think about those words. This is an agreement two people make with each other Thou shalt protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all cost You're not going to do that with a friends with benefits You're not going to do that with a situation ship You're not going to do that in a casual relationship and sadly not a lot of people do this even in a marriage But boy when two people agree to this Man, that's powerful number two Thou shalt base the the thou shalt base thy relationship untrue mutuality Remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee and thine partner How many people in casual relationship? Situationships and and friends with benefits are making these kind of declarations to one another and the list goes on Okay, i'm just giving you some basics People that aren't serious won't in by the way ladies you might Request that your partner this guy that he who gets to have sex with you recite these and he's going to reject it like Oh, that's too serious Do you really want him inside your body? Does he deserve it has he earned it? Now i know i'm making this one sided but men can be detached from sex Women oftentimes bond through sex and i'm here to be your big brother your protector and i'll share why i do that in a moment number four His friends don't know about you How many times if friends friends you you haven't met someone's friends and family? And again, you're having physical intimacy with them, but he does his friends don't even know who you are number five his communication is sporadic Remember i said he's barely interested in your life. He communicates with you On a very marginal perspective marginal perspective number six He avoids sharing his feelings about you as a person Okay, now you might be thinking but jonathan he told me how amazing i was in the beginning and he told me How wonderful i was and how it was unlike anyone else and he could see himself marrying me And i've never felt like this with anyone else. Okay That's how you make him feel Okay, in that moment of lost What he's not sharing is his feelings about you as a person Do you see the differential between that how you make him feel versus how he feels about you? You know many of you know i lost a child there's a picture of con oops There's a picture of connor with his brother collin You know when i gave his eulogy I said something to everybody, you know as a parent Most parents love their children But you know what? I like my children. Do you know like is a powerful word? Liking someone you know because love we you love it to children like when you with children it's unconditional But when you like them as a person, I think that's more powerful I know there's some ancient proverb that says when you like something you'll pluck the flower But if you love something, you know, you'll nurture the flower But i'm here to say like is a powerful Powerful expression of respect and care It goes beyond love to some degree And when a man doesn't share his feelings about you as a person That's almost saying I don't like you I'm not saying that's what it's saying. I'm saying it's almost like that Well, I guess I am saying it but you know, do you see where I'm going with this? I think it's critically important to recognize That if he's not sharing his feelings about you as a person versus how you he feel by the way Remember, he'll share how he feels about how you make him feel in the beginning But if he's not continuing it Beyond the the lust phase that's a sign. He's not serious about you and number seven And folks, you know what i'm about to share He refuses to talk about the future He refuses to talk about the future he talks and if he does it's way five years in the future when my children are grown When this happens when my professional life changes when my divorce goes through When I finally decide to to divorce my wife because some of you are actually in relationship with married men i'm here to say If someone is unwilling after 90 days to really talk about Something more significant There's a good chance. He's not serious about you men who okay. Let me just tell you this usually within about 90 days Of of active dating if they've seen you 10 or 20 times And they value you they like you they respect you A man will want to covet you and what I mean to say is he will want he listen men are Territorial, okay, they don't want like if they see a prize if they see you as a prize They don't want any other man to get this prize But you see a user he could care less because he'll be on to the next person the next person the next person the spender You know, he wants to keep you at a distance But he's not going to declare anything serious because he knows he can replace you A person who's a grower builder He wants to go all in exploring the nooks and crannies of getting to know you from a serious perspective Now that doesn't mean after six months Something couldn't change in other words two people can find out with it. I think it takes about a year Within a year You I think you get a good sense of a person and you might find by about the year mark You're not a fit for one another and it A relationship could adjourn It could adjourn and that's okay too See the other thing is You know, there's an old expression rejection is god's protection, but i'm here to say it's more has to do with If a person if one person doesn't feel alignment with you then it's not right for you either if one person doesn't Isn't all in then it's it's actually they're doing you a service when they exit the relationship The problem is when these things go on for two years three years five years Some of you, you know, the bodies are buried from here to the moon for women hoping that the guy will change Let me tell you something If two people gave it their all and in one year it doesn't work out give or take That year mark then it's okay that it takes time to disband. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know So again, we just shared the seven signs the shocking signs. He's not serious about you I hope you pay attention I hope you pay attention because the opposite of everything I shared are all the great signs He's into you Did you hear that if it's the opposite of what I just shared? It's all the great signs. He's into you and I'm here to encourage more of that type of experience for all of you Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts post a comment below I do my best to read them all if you found value in this video, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell So you can be notified of new videos as well All right, those who know my live format If you have a question Write the word question and post the question thereafter Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat It's a little dollar sign in that chat box goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley again That's him right there Is my son who passed away over five years ago in his honor We donate to causes like the hoffman process insight institute just to name a few and our goal tonight is 50 dollars Let's collect 50 dollars tonight. Please be generous folks. I really um I really love being of service to you all but most importantly I love to be able to give to good causes so And if you want to join the hot seat, I've just put a link there as well Which means if you want to talk to me live Okay, gene is in the house question Do you think it's possible that the spender will eventually become a grower builder as they age at the end of the day? They're still alone. Okay folks This is my chart. Okay Now this is not a fact. It's merely an opinion. Do you see there says users spenders? Please forgive the light grower builders. Okay. Now. Do you see how the the 60 percent is Spenders and how there's an arrow growing Going towards a you or excuse me going towards a Grower builder here. Okay Well, so I'll keep that up for one more second. Okay You guys see that okay. All right. Do I believe a spender can become a grower builder I think people are either moving towards one or moving to the other. I mean, yes And then there's some stuck in the metal I do believe as a person does personal development self-help spiritual work if you're not familiar with my book What the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I think as a person does more work on themselves the more introspective they can shift from being a spender Spender to a grower and builder now the problem is you hear that And you might be a have a guy that's on the far end of spender But you think he's on the close end of grower builder and you're thinking. Oh if I just stick it out longer folks Your job is to pick grower builders. I know it's tough. It only represents 20 of the population I'm being very generous and by the way It's 20 of women too. You guys are no picnic. Okay You guys are spenders in a different way your wounds and traumas cause you to sabotage good relationships habitually you don't realize how you also sabotage good relationships Or you make choices of being in bad relationships habitually that means you're a spender as well If you are wasting time with a guy you're a spender as well Because you have this fantasy loop going on in your head But I can hope he can change I hope he can change Magic fairy dust will make him change I Crack myself up sometimes, but yes, I do witness this day in day out. It's not a judgment. It's just an observation Hey, let's give some props to married Beth for a dollar 99 cent super sticker Victory you confirmed. I finally have a grower. Yay. We're so happy for you Hey, I want to give a shout out to our facebook group member Folks if you'd like to have direct access to me on a regular basis There's a link below to join my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis through a facebook page in a once a one Once a month webinar and in this case our facebook member says i'm really evaluating my current interest against this list Way to go Oh looks like we have someone in the house Sarah's on the hot seat. Let's talk to Sarah. You kind of seem dark. Oops. Oh, hey Sorry about that I got a question for you. I have been in a relationship for four and a half years with a widower Who was married to his high school sweetheart? um, she died um Six years ago. So we started seeing each other. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this the golden bachelor you're talking about? Are you the side chick we don't know about? No, no, no, not at all not at all. It feels like the golden bachelor gary No, no No, gary's heart is open. My guy's heart isn't open. I mean he says he's over it but There I mean four and a half years We do live an hour away from each other But he I've never met his his mom who lives an hour away You know, um It's it's a very he's a great guy. I love it. How often do you see each other? um I normally go over there almost every weekend And if not every week we talk every day and the talks have gotten lesser and lesser Um, I mean like he'll just sit on the phone and not say a word. It's like why call Yeah, I you know And he says I just like listening to you talk. Well, yeah, you know After that it's like ah, so I I'm really waning But I've been divorced for 32 years and I haven't had a successful Relationship any long term kind of a partner and this is the first guy that I've you know have He still has His four children and he has two teenagers that still live at home with him. His youngest is a daughter and She does not like me At all At all so snare, let me ask you. What is your question? My question is how do you know? I want some kind. I want somebody to say He's just not that into you move on And I Everybody who's listening to this right now Because sarah wants someone to tell her He's just not that into her and move on if all of you Actually agree with that statement folks in the chat box right now. Can you write down? sarah, he's just not that into you move on Okay, I will tell you you'll probably have a half a dozen to a dozen people responding in that way so Couple things first off. He's been widowed six years. You met him four and a half years ago So you met him right at a very fragile state, okay? And you became nice female company In addition the fact that you were an hour away allowed for that separation Between the two of you where he didn't have to get too overtly emotionally involved with you Because the distance is that his escape clause Um, you're doing all the work driving to him men are lazy So if he's got if he like in his subconscious, he's like I've got a stupid This is this is a this is not conscious. This is subconscious I've got a stupid woman who's willing to drive to me and give me company And I said stupid which sounds like a judgment, but what I mean to say is You're not valuing yourself You're not making a stand for what you want. You're willing to accept this because after a 33-year marriage I can't remember exactly how you said how many years I think you said 33 um, you have You have just a live body Who's willing to give you some attention And you're accepting crumbs. So let me be clear You are accepting crumbs Okay, after four and a half years if the two of you have not escalated To something serious then you're accepting crumbs now. I think you're going to hear this advice But you're not going to do anything about it because on some level you don't believe You're worth more than crumbs and I really want to say this antagonistically to really fucking piss you off I want to get you so pissed off and what I mean by pissed off I want you to get so angry that you're going to make a stand for your sovereignty I will no longer accept fucking crumbs anymore Right and I will exit from this relationship It doesn't mean you can't be friendly to them or whatnot But I will make a stand for love for what I want because even if you don't get it in the future It's better than crumbs because you're making a stand for your sovereignty Is this sinking in is this resonating sarah? Please let me know Yes, it is because I have made that stand At least twice in the past Once every year basically no you're not no you didn't because if you did you would have exited the relationship Well, we took a by the way, it's actually a situation ship. It's not a relationship Yeah, I I agree with that. I agree with that as well It's just I'm just so tired of getting the crumbs like you said, you know, so it's It's it's just it is what it is and I just don't want You know, you've been I've been alone for 33 years To have somebody that You know, it does give you some little itty bit of attention Is better than nothing humans will rather we'll accept Humans will accept a little bit of crumbs Because it's really this is I mean I'm don't I'm please don't take this personally when I say this but it is personal It's really a reflection of you not loving yourself. I'm gonna be blunt when you love yourself. You don't accept crumbs Listen, yes No relationship is perfect and we're never gonna get a hundred percent of what we want if but you know what accepting less than 65 percent It's not worth it And you're not even getting 65 percent. You're not even getting 50 percent You're not even getting 30 percent. You're not even getting 20 percent You're schlepping over there to go fuck him I don't know if you're having sex, but I'm gonna assume it to go to give him an orgasm and then he sends you on his merry way That's bullshit Yeah Yeah, it's it's beginning to sink in I had surgery last week and um He had to come to town for work and he came and it was like Do you want to get together for lunch? You know and of course i'm recuperating And you know what it turned out to be was you know, we know you're doing right now You're arguing for your limitations here. He's he's like, oh, he's not concerned. Remember I said Barely interested in your life You know, you don't come first Like those were the first two the second and third thing I mentioned And you're you're right now. You're even arguing for this limitation Like I don't want it. I don't want to know Yeah, okay. Listen. Okay. That's all I'm gonna give you right now. Okay, sweetheart Can I reach into the camera and give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug? Sure, Jonathan. And if you know any great guys, send them my way Well, the golden doctor just got taken so we'll go find out we'll go put together a list of widowers out there for you All right, sweetheart big hugs Thank you. Bye. Bye. Thank you Wow guys, you know what this saddens me it saddens me when I see people Except crumbs except crumbs Like this guy is giving fucking crumbs He's not even you know like and making her drive to him all the time. That's bullshit You know like look I know that there are sometimes some Circumstances that require making maybe a little compromise in one area, but there's a benefit in another area What's the word compromise a trade-off? But this is clearly a guy Who is bread crumbing her and she's accepting it So folks this lady folks when I tell you you ladies are just as dysfunctional You accept bad behavior and then you wonder why you're miserable Okay, and I'm yelling I know I'm just passionate folks. I'm just passionate because I don't want you to do these things folks. Listen I was a guy like him reason why I became a coach is because I was unconscious I was a train wreck And in that there was a wake of women who liked me but I was incapable of falling in love with them And so I this is my this is my penance It's not my penance. It's actually my joy But this is my way of paying back my own behavior To some degree. I'm going to be candid with you So I'm here to make a stand for the saras of the world. Don't allow yourself to be breadcrumbs all right If you post a question while she was on reposted, okay Laura's in the house Oh and before I forget I want to thank jill for the super sticker and I want to thank Kate for the super for the super sticker. By the way, that was 70 dollars So our goal tonight is 100 dollars. We need 30 dollars more. All right, laura's question How do we avoid men to be open and honest about their intentions when they pretend to have mutual values and expectations, how do we avoid? well Most men who are in it for the short run Are usually gone by the third fourth or fifth date. Okay, usually So, you know, let's face it a lot of people don't get past a first or second date. Okay But if you hold off physical intimacy For at least I call it the 10 date rule and this isn't an absolute But if you wait about and I've also talked about the 100 hours of face to face time to build the first layer of trust Okay So if you take time To gently truly get to know one another at a heart centered level And you practice radical honesty laying your cards on the table and the rules of engagement So let me talk if someone write that in the chat box number one radical honesty number two Laying your cards on the table and number three the rules of engagement and what that goes something like this Radical honesty is vulnerability authenticity and transparency vulnerability authenticity transparency Okay transparency means if it's material to the relationship You're going to share it with the other person. Mary Beth. I'll get to you in a second Okay number two laying your cards on the table This is about talking about your past relationships Because you got to find out if this person is capable of being in a relationship And you do that by asking questions about their past relationships and the rules of engagement Simply is the standards That this relationship Container looks like and then both of you sharing your standards and then applying those standards in the relationship And we can get into that a little bit more but we have Mary Beth in the house So I'm actually one of the yeah, I'm one of your paid members of the facebook group and all of that I just wanted to give a unique perspective because I'm fit on both sides of the fence So, um, I think this is kind of unique because usually either we either have this experience So we haven't had it yet. This is something that I have experienced with exactly what you're talking about With a user a spender for like almost four years And I used your advice trying to deepen the relationship and all of that and You know, I was just kidding myself. It just wasn't going to work dumped him And then now like not even a month later, you know, I actually found Someone who I truly love And he is a grower and a builder and I mean night and day difference like Night and day difference is so wonderful So I can't tell you people enough to take your advice because it truly truly works. So So well, first off, I want to give you a big hug of Congratulations folks. Um, Mary Beth is in my private group called midlife love mastery. I'm putting the link right here Um, you are which includes a once a month webinar and a facebook group. So and let me ask you a question What do you get out of being in the group like what and how is this helped you get the relationship that you want? Well, you get more exposure to people's personal, um issues like their their Circumstances that they're going through and the dating process. Um, it also helps us not to feel so alone Because like when you're on the apps you're getting ghosted left and right It's it's really hard not to feel like you're the only one getting ghosted But when I got ghosted the other day Was that right? I got good. Well, by the way, let me be clear. I'm about to say share something I didn't get a chance to tell the group but I was communicating with this woman and You know, we were having a good banter back and forth and I was just about to take it from the app to a telephone call and this was uh friday of last week I I wrote a really heartfelt vulnerable message to her And I thought oh, she'll get to it in an hour or two because prior to that the communication was rather consistent, you know Three hours go by nothing Half a day goes by nothing the entire day goes by two days go by now at this point. I'm like, okay She's either I mean I didn't go down though. She's in a car You know, she's in a ditch somewhere Either something I said turned her off Now what was fascinating is I took it personally at first. I I mean I was like I'm like, you know, I went into like, what did I say? Was it the wrong thing? I mean, I'm human like it by the way, you know for those that watch me I'm by the way, you're in the group. You know this because I share all my poibles in the group, right? Yeah Um, you know, I'm just a human being making human errors like anyone else And so I haven't heard from her, you know, I don't expect to But my point is is women can be just as bad as men too. You know, this isn't singular I just happen to be the only men in the group because our group is mostly women And what I do is I give you the like a couple of our members recently did a post. I'm like Look at what his behavior is very typical male behavior. Don't make don't make ant men out to be prince charming We don't fucking exist. I'm not prince charming. I'm riddled with flaws. So anyway Mary Beth, I was really happy you jumped on. Thanks for sharing the love. I really appreciate it Oh, yeah, your advice works that it really rocks and I just want people to know like The the paid group is fantastic. It's affordable It's not like something that you feel like you throw the money away at like you really are attentive and It helped me to see the light because my friends were telling me like this dude. It's just using you He's just using you and then I wasn't listening But I was more receptive to you Because you weren't in the situation and I was also more receptive to the people in the facebook group Because they weren't they didn't know me. Yeah, they didn't have any attachment to it Our friends give us terrible advice. It was different like it. You're I'm more receptive to that And I think a lot of people are because people have bias that know you right? Like oh that they just uh, I don't know. I just don't like him, you know Because it might be jealous Well, actually really quickly in the group, you know, we also now know each other so much that we're protective of each other We give each other shit. Oh my god. Some of the members go at it sometimes folks if you want Listen, this is an inexpensive way to have direct access to me. I put the link right there join my vip group Jonathan as I didn't expect you to jump on mary bet. So thanks for the plug. I really appreciate it Yeah, you're welcome. I mean the guy I'm with now. It's just phenomenal. Actually, his name is spell. So I call him phenomenal fill Yes You should check out the ornament Coach that I bought it says, um of all the weird things I found online. You're my you're by far my favorite My christmas ornament He knows about it and he was like, oh, I love that and he gave me a huge kiss Like he helped me put up my christmas tree last night. Like it's just stuff that, you know I didn't have before I've never had before and it's just really he really wants to get to know me For me and he's not trying to change me. It's just it's really cool. We're both like that Oh, well, can I give you a big gigantic jotham bear hug? You sure can thank you Because I want you to find someone too. Ah, me too. Me too. Me too Um Really quickly. I want to give thanks to susan for the five dollar super sticker I was so happy mary bet joined us folks. This is not a plug for my group and in and as much as Listen, we all need support and help. There's nothing easy about this and sometimes we look at Many of you judged my choices in my relationship um And and right or wrong and because I don't believe in right or wrong We're all here on a journey Wherever this journey takes us I got so much out of the relationship even though it didn't go the distance Because I went in from a full or a cup a love cup that was mostly full Unlike sarah who was on earlier and like and and how mary beth is right now When our love cup isn't full we'll accept Bad behavior will accept crumbs will accept these seven shocking signs. He's not serious about you and i'm here to be um A light in the dark to shine to say Love yourself because that's how you become a magnetic attractor for what you want All right, let's see what we have in the house day has posted a question How can I support a close family member going through divorce? She's been with him for 20 years has two great kids and he's saying he's not feeling her anymore. He doesn't know why She's heartbroken you know Well, we support with love That's how we support are the people that we care about in our lives. We support with love No, the thing is she's on her journey. He's on his journey. The kids are even on their own journey. Okay what I mean to say is Whatever experiences they're meant to have they can grow from it They can learn from it or they can it can traumatize them and then they'll hopefully someday learn and grow from it She's heartbroken. I get it When we give our how okay, so there's a book by um, here's a book This is by phil stutz. Uh, I don't know barry michael's um On netflix there's an episode called stutz. Okay st utz. Okay And in this in this episode, it's jonahill the actor jonahill Therapist, okay. I bought his book But what I want to emphasize was one of the techniques the tools he talked about is not non attachment But moving towards non attachment what I mean to say is when we become less attached to an outcome of something And we become more focused on our own inner world That's one of the tools that we that help us overcome the challenges Of we face in interpersonal relationships when there's friction So, uh, I would recommend day that you check out give your friend the book the tools okay All right, thanks for sharing. We really appreciate that Leafs in the house and she said jonathan's tough love by the way The reason why we're a little bit earlier tonight is because i'm going out to dinner With a couple who had met earlier this year In fact, it's kind of an interesting story. You got to sit through this one. Okay So i'm having dinner tonight with joy kingsborough a friend of mine that I met at a at a empowered woman's retreat She briefly was my coach for a while and during our time together No, she introduced me to matt con m a t t k a h n can someone put this those two names matt con enjoy kingsboro So funny story matt con is a spiritual teacher. He's got a youtube channel of about 200 000 followers And I love his content. I love his videos. I love his Framework of spirituality. Okay So they met at a convention earlier this year She was speaking at it. He was speaking at they met they fell in love and they got engaged Four months later three or four months later. Now. These are two highly evolved people I say highly evolved in that They've look at they've grown up. They're both emotionally mature people. Maybe emotionally mature people. Okay So we had a uh zoom call the three of us because joy wanted to introduce me to matt And we get on the zoom call And he goes are you the jonathan asley that used to live up in palace vertis? I'm like, yeah He goes i'm your former personal trainer matt I was like holy shit Oh my god. I've been following matt con for years now Okay Not realizing that this was the kid who trained me back when I was getting in shape for my 40 year high or my 20 year high school reunion Okay, he was uh, by the way, tiny guy. He can't be more than five foot five and he had a buff body full head of hair Now he's a little bit pudgy and balding. So that's why I didn't recognize him Well, he and joy are in town uh, his his family lives near me. So we're getting together for dinner but my point is Why i'm sharing this with you Is I look at these two As unique role models because they've gone in it. They went all in Now some people might argue going all in is a mistake I'm here to argue the opposite. I think going all in And all in simply means i'm gonna Vest fully in this getting to know you to see if this is real and they're getting married, you know, uh Fifth, you know, 13 14 months after they met it still gives them time to exit out of it But you know what all in Says to me I'm devoting a hundred percent to getting to know you i'm devoting a hundred percent to run I through thick or thin. I want us to win Can someone write that down? I'm all in through thick or thin. I want us to win So anyways, that's a quick story Hey sherry, I want to thank you for the ten dollar super sticker god. I'm loving the love tonight. We're only 20 there's uh I'm loving the love tonight. Hold on a second leaves dropped four dollar super sticker in the house And I think sherry did too. So we're only 35 we're 25 dollars away. No 15 dollars away from our goal of a hundred 15 dollars There you go. Oh, by the way, it's joy kingsboro not joist mac con and joy kingsboro. Please forgive my uh poor enunciation Um, mary stewart says that or mary en says that's awesome cupcake says that's crazy Oh tiffani says i'm a huge Mac con fan his work has helped me out of deep things Best book and info out there called everything is here to help you. He's a legend folks This is a kid that I knew That trained me and now i'm getting to break bread with someone I have a great deal of respect with and i'm going to their wedding next year As well, i'm really excited about that. You know what i'm gonna ask them to do is introduce me to the people in their world Maybe there's a woman in their world that they can introduce me to All right cupcake is in the house Question What can we offer men who say they are head over heels and want to give want to be given a chance? But it's clear to us that they they have a lot more work to do before any type of relationship beyond friends well I I think what you can say in these cases is I feel a misalignment between us and as much as I appreciate appreciate the the Infatuation the limerence the care I do feel a misalignment between us and because of that I don't believe I'm ready for a significant relationship. What you shouldn't do is hold this person at bay in the friends Uh category Um the friend zone category I don't think it's fair to them to put them in the friend zone category in other words either Explore a relationship or let them you know let them go out in the sea and find someone else Because people that get put into the friend zone They're praying something changes and while there are exceptions to the rule I just don't think it's fair to them. That's just my perception anyway. Okay All right Let's see what else we have here Uh, cecilia is in the house I Agree with jonathan before the penis goes inside by the way folks I know a lot of you get offended by me saying the word penis inside the vagina I'm just trying to illustrate a point instead of saying fucking I know I could use the word sex I know I could say sleeping together, but I like to share this kind of illustration to prove a point Before two people get physically intimate with each other Before two people physically get intimate with each other Um, you know be mindful be intentional. Okay, so you go on to say what is your view on When it to have sex via video chats pixel sex stimulation platforms Are you talking about like phone sex and that sort of thing where two people can't be physically near each other? If that's the case You know, I'm not a big proponent of that I mean, yeah, I mean on occasion two people can have phone sex or Um, what not but you know, I don't want that to be a practice Um I because I prefer the real thing I know I know for some of you logistics might be the problem But if you have a logistical problem in your relationship change the list logistical dynamic if it's if you're if you're unable to be physically in each other's presence Then change that narrative And if you can't then really should you be investing because look at his listen I use this hand. Okay. I'm not happy about that. I want real vagina I want real blowjobs. I want real or I want to give real oral sex. I like physical touch I like, you know, I'm okay with my own touch, but that's like that's like a cheap. That's like a knock. You know what that is That's like buying a fake Rolex. Okay It's not even that a piece of shit fake Rolex. Okay, excuse me That's my perception on that. Does anyone have a differing perception? Please let me know Hey Gina just gave us a four dollar super sticker. Thank you so much Uh Someone Cecilia said that I think it's like birth control. There you go. Um, all right Hey Jill's in the house. Why don't you have some bravery and jump on for a couple minutes Jill? Here's the link to Join the hot seat All right sex intimacy is always better when shared with someone else exactly Uh, Denise says I wonder about one person making a determination that the other person is not mature enough to have a relationship It seems better to say that the other person isn't a match in values lifestyles, etc You know what Denise? You make an absolutely good point I took that question on face value and you really make a good point because that's a judgment on their capacity I do agree with you. It's but the problem is they could share the same values and have compatible lifestyles So, um, I I prefer to say I think we're two different places in our lives Emotionally speaking. This is going back to the question earlier about The person that was trying so hard, but wasn't in a good place. I just say I think we're in two different places in our lives Emotionally speaking. I think that feels more an integrity to me now that might cause the person to question it but um You got to do what's right for you know what at the end of the day you have to do what's right for you Okay All right Let's see. What else we have Faraday says Fair y'all says What to do if a man lies about what he does for a job? He said he works in a sustainable insustainable at an oil wait He said he works in substantial Sustainability at a oil and gas company I found out he left his job in 2020 and found a web design company and has founded a web design company interesting You know, it's funny. I was watching mission on possible three last night and ethan hunt Is a um, it is a basically a spy and he meets a woman and he is engaged to get married and told her that told her that she worked he works at the um At the department of transportation virginia department of transportation and then he had to fess up about it You know, I'm not a big proponent of people being out of integrity that there's probably a reason for it So maybe he's fearful that you would judge that he might be in a brand new startup business And he's going to be rejected for that. That's a possible reason So if you've already found this out talk to him about it and see what his by the way He probably has a good reason. Why not ask him what that reason is that would be my way of approaching it And our facebook group member says I love mission impossible All right, jill. You're in the house Hi Hey, can you hear me? Hey, how are you doing? Good. Good. I was doing it from my phone Oh by the way before anyone gets bent out of shape jill has a youtube channel Called amazing connections or what's it called? Uh, jill collin's connections jill collin's connections Coincidentally you interviewed me today for your channel. You're not we're not here to plug. I mean, I just plugged you But this is there's nothing nefarious. You're a single woman. You recently had a date this morning with what appears to be a nice guy so I did you gotta I do have been texting back and forth a little bit and so we're trying to figure out when to see each other again right now So the interesting challenge is being in argentina where I am right now. Um, yeah I live here part time is The culture here and it's very much like what you said is the old like people talk about like the woman shouldn't Be too forward. You're supposed to kind of step back and let let the man approach And so i'm getting advice like that and it's sort of like I just want to be myself I just want to say hey, I'm into you I instead of being like, I don't know. I just want to pull back What's so wrong with saying I like you like there's nothing wrong with that. I like you Right, like by the way, I think the words I like you You know is a very positive statement, you know anyway Yeah, it is. Well, I mean he said the same thing We both did but the the thing I think a lot of times that happens to people as we get afraid and we think What if all of a sudden they Pull back right and it's like, oh, we're all into each other. We think we're great So what so just go all in and don't worry about it, right? Just be you know what here's the thing is I'm like look Most people dip their toe in the swimming pool and that's about as far as they go I'm like fuck just jump in the deep end make sure you can swim and if you can swim You can always make it out at the other end It's if you can't swim and what that represents can't swim is you get attached too quickly You uh have unhealthy boundaries You you you're dependent upon someone for your survival You're dependent on validation for to reinforce your own lack of self-love if you If you can full if you truly can embody If you can truly embody this self-love And if two people can embody self-love jump in the deep end see what happens and if it doesn't work out By the way, dating today is usually a three-year broken down friends with benefits process cut to the quick It's better to find out sooner rather than later that you're not compatible with one another and so And hopefully you know like most everybody knows my relationship with marie It I mean it lasted accumulatively about 15 months Probably at the year mark. It wasn't working for her anymore. She decided to exit out and that's okay Because you know what we did a conscious uncoupling and it's okay to adjourn Folks here's the deal. I'm gonna use you as my guinea pig guinea pig here Folks it is absolutely okay If one if one person wants to adjourn from the dynamic, it's good for both people Wait, let me do that again one person wants to adjourn. It's good for both Okay, so um, so I'm excited. I can't wait to hear what happens with this guy Yeah, me too. We're trying to figure it out now and it's like I'm am I being too accommodating? I'm like lisa. Well, I can't do it tomorrow night. Well, but I have friday and I have saturday open and so is it like I don't know. I'm just trying to be myself. God, you're a pain in the ass. I'm not I know. I'm like It's a holiday season By the way, now you gave them two alternates you said friday and saturday and I'm assuming you do right just be yeah Yeah, good cool. Well, thanks for coming on and giving us some love Thanks for having me. Yep. Say hello to everyone here and um, yeah interviews coming out next friday So you'll get to see it. Okay. Giving you a big gigantic. Jonathan bear hug. Thank you. Thank you, Jonathan Take care. Bye now. Bye Bye Cecilia just wanted to add marie was a very generous to participate in your videos. You know what? um folks By the way, jill. Thanks again for being on, you know, I share a lot of my personal life. I put myself out there I'm vulnerable. It's like putting, you know, it's like walking out on the plank and yeah, well, and I could I could sound like a um A victim and say the plank got pulled out from underneath me. Okay, because in a way it does feel that way but in reality You know a relationship can be a great gift in your life. It can be By the way, every relationship can be a great gift If you go in it with a full cup of love here And you go in being vulnerable authentic transparent you you you practice the that 10 commandments is dr Stan tacking calls about even if it doesn't work out. You have to adjourn That's still okay. That's still okay. So even if he's not serious about you and bringing this back to sarah It's absolutely okay It's absolutely okay to walk away from breadcrumbs. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, folks. I'm off to dinner with mac con and joy kingsboro I'm really excited if you have something to add or share post a comment below I do my best to read these that read them all And if you found value in this video, please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel and hit that notification bell as well I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic job The bearer of self-love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love That's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear pillow Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank all those that donated tonight We came close to our hundred dollar goal I want to thank jill and faria and tammy and sherry and bonnie and cupcake and cecilian leaves And denise and lisk and jane and laura and windy and Fawz who gave us a ten dollar super sticker and melanie and sarah everyone big hugs Thank you so much for the love wishing you a super duper wonderful fab evening. Take care. Be well