 Friends with Benefits Relationships. Why Some Sink? The context can be different, but for our purposes we are defining a Friends with Benefits Relationship as two individuals who occasionally or often sleep together and are not in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. What do we know about it? We know that it's common. In 2013, 30-60% of American University students engaged in a Friends with Benefits Relationship. Is it sustainable? It's arguably not meant to be. It's more like half-time in a sports game or intermission at the theatre. Free time to reload on your favourite snacks, quench your thirst, and clear your head before the next serious part begins. Approximately 20% of these friendships do join masts and sail away together, pre-Ice Berg, Rose, and Jack-style, whilst the others don't make room on the floating door and their relationship sinks never being more than a no-strings-attached fling. Why? That's the question. A study from 2009 found that the top reasons for ending such a relationship were the development of romantic feelings and negative emotions such as jealousy. In conclusion, emotions. However, Kendra Knight, a communications professor, conducted a series of interviews of 25 students who had had a friend with benefits and found a pattern in their relationship endings, communication, and lack thereof. Ground rules grounds fun. Setting up expectations and rules for the arrangement was perceived as effort or relational work that is expected to be absent. Thus, talking about the relationship defeats the purpose of having it, and so they didn't. Better to stay cool about it, right? Like Jack in the North Atlantic Sea. Losing face. One student didn't talk about the relationship out of fear of seeming to invested, thereby highlighting the side of self-protection. Because when you got skin in the game, you stay in the game, and thus admit there is a game to lose. And yes, that was a Hamilton quote, the founding father of Friends with Benefits. Granted, they were both married, so Friends with Benefits is all it could ever be. And he did technically pay her husband in order to not let out the secret, which he then did later himself anyway. Moving on. So call me, never. Most of the students would feel uncomfortable with their friend with benefits talking or flirting with others, but were unable to bring it up, as they didn't feel their reactions were part of the deal and valid. Some did attempt to speak to their friend, but in order not to complicate the situation, they got shut down. The common denominator here is whatever reason leading up to it, the lack of communication kills the situation. Whether that's through being silent or being silenced. So how do you keep your friends with benefits situation afloat? Communicate. Don't play it cool. Make the whole thing hot. If it sets the ship on fire or you decide you don't like being out on any way, well, at least the water will be warm. Thank you for watching, and don't forget to subscribe to Psych2Go.