 When you stay, the narcissist does this. You may have been thinking of leaving the narcissist, and it's like as soon as you made this decision, their behavior started to change. When they feel like you are slipping away, they will always fall back at their manipulation. It's worked for them in the past, so they assume that it's going to work for them now. They will present the illusion of value, and it's always exaggerated. It's always made to seem like it's more than what it actually is. When the reality is that you could get the same and so much more from millions of other people in this world, yet they expect you to believe that they are special or unique. They expect you to believe that you're not going to find anything better than them, because that is how they keep you under their control. That is how they keep you depended on them, by making you believe that they are unique, by making you believe that they are better than other people. When the reality is that there is hundreds of millions of narcissists in this world who are exactly like them, they all behave the exact same way, and yet they think they're different. They think they're superior in some way, but this is only to compensate for how they really feel about themselves. Deep down they feel worthless and insignificant. Their arrogance and entitlement is a coping and defense mechanism. It is an adaptation to a hostile environment in childhood, but deep down they know they don't deserve you. They know that the only way they can get you to stay is by manipulating you. It's not because they possess any real qualities or abilities, but when you think of leaving the narcissist, they will immediately sense it. They will be on to you, and they will quickly change their behavior in an attempt to secure you, because the last thing they want is for you to leave. They don't change their behavior because they care about you. They're not trying to build anything with you. This is just a manipulation. People who don't have any real qualities and abilities have to do this to get what they want. They have to lie to you. They have to create illusions. They have to use future faking, because they already know that they don't have anything of value to offer you. They don't have anything to share with you that you couldn't get from anywhere else. So they have to manipulate you. It's either that or they coerce you into staying with them. They intimidate you by using force or threats. They put you in a state of fear or shame where you feel like you can't get out. Either way, it's designed to control you. It's designed to keep you under their influence and authority. And it's not going to be any good for you. It's not going to build you up in any way. All they can do is take from you. All they can do is trick you into investing your qualities and abilities into something that has no value, which means that you're never going to see a return on your investment. You will only find that your health begins to deteriorate. Your finances begin to diminish. Nothing good comes out of staying with a narcissist. It will only destroy you in the end. When you entertain the narcissist manipulation, you are entering their fantasy world. You are entering a world where they have the influence and authority. You are under their control. You are under their spell. It's a mirage. It's an unrealistic hope or wish that cannot be achieved because it's only a fantasy. It's an idea with no basis in reality. But the reason why they hold on to the fantasy so strongly is because it's all they have. They abandoned who they really are a long time ago and created their false self. This character who is meant to be perfect. This character who is meant to be everything that you should want. But it isn't real. It's based on superficial things which only appear to be true or real until examined more closely. And that's how you leave their fantasy world by examining things more closely and realizing that they're not even who they're portraying themselves to be. They get these ideas or suggestions from people who they believe to be powerful and significant, desirable and attractive. And they see that those people are getting attention. Those people are getting what they want. And they want a piece of the action. They want some of the advantages that come from an activity, that come from taking on these ideas and suggestions. But that doesn't change who they really are. Narcissists have no foundational structure. They try to cover their stench with perfume. But it's really nothing more than a cover-up. They're just putting something on top or in front of something in order to protect or conceal it. They're trying to draw a veil over themselves. They're trying to prevent you from discovering the truth about what they really are. And they do that by using the manipulation because they want you to be a part of their fantasy world. Which is why they keep trying to lure you in with the manipulation. But you don't belong there. Which is why you cannot assimilate. Which is why you cannot absorb or integrate into their ideas or culture. Because you are real. And a real person cannot exist in a fantasy world for long periods of time. You're going to feel like it's not right. It's going to cause conflict and disruption. It's going to cause disturbance and problems which interrupt the event activity or process. Because you are not designed to exist in their fantasy world. You are meant to be free from control. Free from manipulation. But even when you realize this, it will not stop the narcissist from trying to pull you back in. Because despite what they have led you to believe, they are very attracted to you. They have an interest in you. You are very important to them. And that is why they cannot leave you alone. But they cannot come out of their world. Because then they would cease to exist. They can only exist in their world. And that is why they have to always pull you into it. They always have to make you a part of them. But they cannot reach you. They cannot connect you from a world that doesn't even exist. When you stay, it is very beneficial for the narcissist. It is very convenient for them. It allows them to get what they want out of you. But it is very damaging for you. Because you are giving them all of your care and attention. But they have nothing to share with you. They can only give you the illusion of value. And you will feel like you are paying for something that you could have gotten for free. You will feel like you are being ripped off. You will feel like you are being tricked. It is like you are paying a premium for something. Which isn't even of a satisfactory standard. Because they cover their stench with perfume. They conceal their true motives. They conceal their qualities and abilities. They make you believe they are so much more than what they actually are. And they don't even appreciate you. They can't even recognize your value. Because you need to have something of value. Before you can recognize another person's value. So in their minds, they think they can do better than you. They think you are not enough. And they have to keep you looking at yourself. So that you don't focus on them. And realize that they are not bringing anything to the table. Whatever crumbs a narcissist brings to you. You could get the same thing from anyone else. Without all the BS. Without having to deal with that attitude. Without having to deal with that lack of sophistication. Narcissists can be offensively impolite and bad-mannered. They complain about everything. They are very impatient. They are always scanning the environment for problems. They are always looking for something to criticize. Because they are very insecure. They are not happy with themselves. So they cannot be happy with you. And you will never be able to be happy with someone. Who cannot be happy with themselves. They have low self-esteem. So they always have to be in control. They have to maintain influence and authority over you. Because you are their source of supply. They are emotionally dependent on you. Their entire life revolves around you. They are very jealous of controlling. They always feel like something is being taken away from them. Which is why they have to hold on to you for dear life. Because they're afraid that you will no longer want to be with them. So they have to force you into being with them. They have to manipulate you. But then you're just going back into the fantasy world. You're just entertaining the illusion again. You're not building anything deep or meaningful. You're just being fooled by the illusion of value. They cannot communicate with you directly. They cannot interact with you outside of the fantasy world. Any time you have a conversation with a narcissist. You are being fooled with lies and manipulation. You cannot have a genuine conversation with a narcissist. The best you will ever get from them is an illusion. You cannot be vulnerable. You cannot be yourself by doing that around a narcissist. You are only putting yourself at risk of danger or harm. Because as long as you're trying to establish anything of meaning or value with a narcissist. You're only going to lose out in the end. It's like you've both made the decision to build a home together. And you supplied them with all of the bricks. But rather than using the bricks to build this home. They took them all for themselves. They used them for their own self-centered purpose. They used them for their own benefit or advantage. So you've just invested into building a life for someone else. You've helped them to be safe and secure. But now you're left without a roof of a yell head. You're left out in the cold. Because any time that a narcissist gets hold of anything that you give to them. Anything that you use to try to build something with them. They're only going to take it and use it for themselves. And that's exactly what happens when you stay with a narcissist. You're just feeding the beast. You're enabling them to continue mistreating you. You're enabling them to continue disrespecting you. You're giving power to something that is only going to destroy you in the end. Which is why it's so important to take back your power. Realize that you're investing in something. That is not going to benefit you. It's not going to improve your life in any way. The only person who is going to gain anything out of this situation is the narcissist. And that is why they're so attached to you. That is why they're so dependent on you. And while you may have been fooled by the illusion of value in the beginning, you're starting to wake up now. You're beginning to realize that there is no value other than what you give to them. And you're never going to see a return on anything you give to them. Because they're a poor investment, their value is only going to depreciate. When you stay with the narcissist and you invest all of your time, energy and money into them, it's not helping you in any way. You're not building anything significant or meaningful. It's like paying for a car that you can't even drive. Thank you for watching. I hope this video has hit it with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at coaching.narcsurvivor.uk. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.