 ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجا لتسكنوا إليها الحمد لله رب العالمين له الحمد الحسن والثاناء الجميل وشد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له يقول الحق وهو يهدي السبيل وشد أن السيدنا والنبينا محمد سل الله عليه وعلى آله وأصحابه والتابعين لهم بإحسان إلى يوم الدين أما بعد نحن فينا سرية على كيف يجب حفظة ومجموعة ونخلص first chapter التي نتحدث عن حديث الوالدة في التلغيب في الزواج حديث that speak about ونخلص two حديث that speak about أرجع أن يتحدث مجموعة أو مجموعة ثم نتحدث عن second chapter التي كانت الحديث الوالدة في حسن الاختيار نخلص two حديث that spoke about choosing the right spouse one hadith for the female and one hadith for the male to type a person that they need to choose إن شاء الله يتعالى in today today's series إن شاء الله يتعالى we're going to take five hadith five hadith that are what الوالدة في الأمور التي تسبق عقد النكه five hadith that pertain to things that a person needs to do before marriage just before the contract of marriage takes place things that a person needs to do إن شاء الله يتعالى five narrations five things we'll be speaking about بإذن الله الكريم the first hadith in this chapter is the hadith narrated in Bukhari and Muslim on the authority of Abu Huraira رضي الله تعالى عنه أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال that the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم said لا تنكح الأيّم لا تستأمرى ولا تنكح البكر حتى تستأذنى قالوا يا رسول الله وكيف إذنها قال أن تسكتها متفق عليه this hadith the messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم he said a virgin is not married off حتى تستأمرى so she is sought permission ولا تنكح البكر sorry لا تنكح الأيّم حتى تستأمرى the non virgin is not married unless she is she is consulted the non virgin she is not married off unless she is consulted ولا تنكح البكر and the virgin is not married off حتى تستأذنى unless permission is sought from her the first one the first part is talking about a woman who went through marriage before either she is a divorcee or her husband died but she went through a legal marriage she is consulted about her marriage in other words unless she gives command because the woman who is a widow her command is what is used to proceed the process because she can't speak for herself she went through marriage before she knows what she is looking for not only that she also has the courage to say what she wants and what she doesn't want as for the virgin as for the virgin she is shy and she doesn't want to talk especially when her father comes up to her and says to her this man wants to get married to you or she is shy to say yes to her dad so what is done she is not married off unless she gives permission because they know that the virgin is shy and she won't speak so they said the messenger of Allah how can a virgin give permission how does she do that that is if she is silent if she is silent and she is shy then her permission is that silence if she is silent and she doesn't speak and she doesn't say anything when she is being told about it then that means she is in agreement with it this hadith is very important especially for the muslim community the asian community rather they know this concept of arranged marriage an arranged marriage is from this time that we are living today one of the greatest reasons why two married individuals are not getting along and they are having a hard time together and they are struggling with one another and that is one of the things that prevents a successful marriage is the woman is forced into a marriage and the woman is actually forced into a marriage on a man in which she doesn't have no love or desire for and she doesn't like him but the reason why this is being done is because of adat norms, customs that the people have reality is norms is a jahili norms it's a pre-islamic practices this is what before Islam came the disbelievers of that time used to do and Islam freed the women from this it liberated the women from this concept of being forced to get married so we say to those people in charge of those girls اتقلها في الله in marrying your daughters off to somebody she hasn't she hasn't seen she doesn't know to force her into it and to give her no alternative and to say if you don't get married we will boycott you we'll turn our backs on you these individuals need to fear Allah and you also need to remember that you guys are responsible of the problem that comes out of it the day of judgment and امام الله تعالى and in front of Allah the day of judgment you'll be questioned about the responsibilities that were placed over your necks فإنكم مسؤولون you are responsible امام الله تعالى وسأسألكم الله and Allah will question you the day of judgment عن مستر عاكم that which he has placed over you a lot of sisters I've seen they sometimes deal with they are married to a man who which they don't even have the same understanding of life and they don't share no perception they don't have nothing in common basically so they are told to be married to one another and it just drags on children come from it and divorces are later so whatever the family were running away from and the shame that they were running away from they what they go through what is much worse their daughter is now divorced because she's with somebody who she didn't want and she couldn't give herself into him she's also been forced to take some you know the wrath of Allah by staying with a man who she doesn't want she doesn't obey him so it's an ongoing problem لذلك one of the biggest problems that you see is this issue is forcing a woman into a marriage which she's not been consulted the biker the virgin the prophet SAW it's a command from the messenger she's not married off حتى تستأدن unless her permission is suit she's asked she's questioned this man has asked for us he wants to get married do you want to get married to him they consult her if she says I don't want to get married if she says I don't want to get married then she is not forced to go forward with it as for the woman who's previously been married then she has more experience and she knows what she's looking for so she's most likely going to speak for herself whereas the virgin may be shy she might be quiet a bit she might feel uncomfortable whereas the widow the woman who's previously married she knows exactly what she wants so she would say exactly what she feels so her statement is what's been taken into consideration so this حديث is very important brothers and sisters it's very important and this is what she'd be done before the contract of marriage that the woman is happy with who she has chosen also that being said we also have to keep in mind sisters and brothers whoever you choose to bring into the house let your family let your parents have understanding of who it is take their advice and their experience on board because they're not there to harm you rather they are there to give you what they think is best for you so try to work with your parents and parents should work with their children and leave off this this عادة جهيلية this pre-islamic practice in which Islam has freed the women from a sister once emailed me and she said I brought a man to my parents and my parents they liked him and they were happy with what they they found out about him so he came for the first day and they started to discuss the money and he told them that he had just started to save he's been working for a while but that he recently started to save up he hasn't got that much money and that which they were asking for he said I'm not able to pay that much but he gave them a lesser price so they chose to not go forward with that they told the boy we're not going to accept you for our daughter we don't want you there was nothing else which he lacked it's just this concept they said this is to say that he had religious ethics he had everything so her parents started to tell her about some other guy whose family were willing to pay much more money they were telling her to leave this individual and go for this guy why? because this man's family are willing to give more money so in other words these parents are selling their daughter they're selling their daughter and they are really not observing the importance of two individuals being compatible for one another two individuals being compatible for one another and this boy that the family are suggesting for her are back home they are at back home in Pakistan and she was born and bred in this country so now she has to go back to Pakistan and meet this man and get to know the culture and get to know how he wants things and it's just extremely bad for the relationship and a lot of the relationships they come to a fashion destruction like this why does it because the Shari'a already knew that this problem was going to come and as I said at the beginning of this series I said the Shari'a works with us the Shari'a is there to help us because the creator of us is the legislator legislated and they are not going to conflict with one another so what we sisters parents we have to understand the guardians and they also have to understand our youngsters and youth that your parents are not enemies they are not trying to they are not there to harm you because they are the ones who raised you and parents also have to understand what they are allowed to do and what they are not allowed to do as enemies and to realise that this is one of the greatest problems pertaining to marriage استعدان البيكرة taking the permission of the virgin and asking her consulting her if the parents have suggested a person for her and she says I don't mind I actually think the man that you brought I'm happy with him then that's not a problem but if she's shown disagreement then that marriage is not correct for it to go forward and it's wrong and it is actually going against the prophet SAW which is استعدان البيكرة the second hadith in the chapter that we were talking about which is things that people need to do before they get married this is the second hadith in this chapter and it is the sixth hadith in all of the hadiths put together this chapter we're going to be speaking about the issue of looking at the woman you want to get married to so this is more directed at the boys and the men than it is directed at the female الامام النسائي في سنان he narrated on the authority of Abu Huraira that the prophet SAW he said Abu Huraira said خطب رجل امرأة a man asked for a woman's hand in marriage من الانصار from the women of Ansar فقال له رسول الله SAW the prophet said هل نظرت إليها there was this man who got engaged into a girl he wanted to get married to a woman and he was from the people of Ansar the prophet SAW said to him هل نظرت إليها did you go and look at the girl قال لا he said no فأمره أن ينظر إليها the prophet then went and commanded him to go and look at her so when the man was asked did you go and look at the woman he said no I haven't the prophet SAW then commanded him and said to him go and look at her there is a Hadith does not really tell us why the man should go and look at the woman but there isn't a Hadith in which an Imam is immediately narrated on the authority of that مغيرة خطب امرأة مغيرة wanted to get married to a woman فقال النبي SAW the prophet said to him انظر إليها go and look at the woman فأمره أن يقدم بينكم go and look at the woman because this is most likely that the marriage between you two will last forever go and look at her so your marriage can be eternal your marriage can be for for as long as you both live for as long as you can إن شاء الله is destined for you so meaning it will stay for long so the question that arises is حكمة the wisdom in why the Sharia are permitted for the man to look at the woman is for is for them to stay together and we have to underline this which is أن يقدم بينكم so you both can be together forever in another wedding the prophet SAW he said but the call when he brought when he brought that in his sunan he said this following he said وقد ذهب بعض أهل العلم إلى هذا الحديث وقالوا and he said some of the scholars they took this hadith on board and they said لا بأس أن ينظر إليها لا بأس أن ينظر إليها there is no problem for him to look at her ما لم يرى منها محرما as long as he does not look at that which is حرام and this is the call of Imam Ahmed وامعنا قوله وامعنا قوله وامعنا قوله and the meaning of the prophet which is أحرى أن يقدم بينكم it means أحرى أن تدوم المودة it means that by the man looking at the woman والتحدي will be full of love for one another and it will remain the love, the compassion that is between the man and the woman will stay forever now this issue i have to mention a couple of things first of all i'm going to speak about from the angle of the people the guardians and the parents or even the girls themselves they fall into two camps متشدد and متساهل متشدد أناي متساهل those who are too extreme from the guardians of the girls and the girls themselves for example a man may request from the girl's father or the girl's uncle or her brother whoever's in charge of her affairs or even the girl herself and one of them will reject and say you'll not see our girl and you'll not look at our daughter how dare you ask us of this disrespect for that you ask us to allow you to look at our daughter who do you think we are or the girl herself will find the brother a evil person that is not religious that is a person who wants to commit a haram with her so she thinks that i'm not going to let him and she says to him you're not going to see me until the day of the wedding or the day we get married and this is not correct because of the problems that occur between the two a lot of harm comes from it they the divorce that happens in the first night he sees her and he is like what he saw and so he asks if he can leave her and the reason why that would happen is because this is a result of opposing the process some statement because the prophet did he not say أحرى أن يؤدما بينكما the love would have stayed if the man knew what he was getting himself into so the rejecting the rejecting and refusing the request of the boy this is what it leads to and even if he does stay in the marriage he stays with what he stays with dealings that are not nice it doesn't deal nicely with the girl anymore because he's not attracted to her so even if he does stay with her and doesn't let her go their marriage is not going to stay for good or it's going to be a painful marriage and this is something if we've not seen it we've heard of some people who suffer from this and there are cases situations which i personally have experienced in people who've told me who i've dealt with their situations where they suffer from this where the girl is either not attracted to the boy or that's another issue but the boy is not attracted to the woman because the family did not let him see her and so he went forward with it and he got married to her and when he got married to her when he saw how she looked he was not happy with it and it affected his dealings with her until they both went separate ways also there's another extreme that was the first type of people there's also the other extreme which is those who are very liberal very easy so they let their daughter go out with the boy they tell him oh yeah she's all yours go hold hands have food talk to each other for three months look at each other they tell they go to beautify herself and they come with مخالفة شرعية so they make the boy and the girl deal with one another as though they are as though they are two married couples already so he's actually seeing everything about her the look that the شريعة is referring to here is the look that allows that would lead a man to see to reaching the marrying of this woman that which can allow the man to say you know i am happy i want to get married to her that which will in شاء الله تعالى increase love between the two of them what happens sisters on sister's side a lot of the time who fall into the second type very liberal very easy she wants to see a man so what she does is that she puts on a makeup and she beautifies herself and she makes herself look like what she really isn't and any one of you who know will know that makeup can make a person look totally different from how they looked before meaning in other words a makeup can make a person look like two different people it can make a person look two different people so the man when you wear the makeup for him and you dress up for him and you look in this بطيك العمانة and he sees you like this this is a form of deception because when he then gets gets married to you and you're not like this he will fall into the problem that he fell into the first time the first problem which is is as though he never saw you it's like he's not seeing you and now he sees you for how you really look this will defeat the purpose of why the man was even allowed in the first place to look at the woman أحرى أن يقدم بينكما the whole purpose that the man was allowed to look at the woman is for him to know what he's getting himself into and so that the marriage can continuously carry on between them too so the issue of looking is very important and the شريعة had permitted it now i want to mention two things before i shallah يتعالى move on to the other حديث and that is the looking at a woman is not حرام in and within itself a man looking at a woman is not حرام in and within itself in other words it is حرام when we know what purpose is looking at her for the man can't look at this particular woman if he doesn't want to get married to her but the minute it is for the purpose of marriage it becomes what it moves from it being it moves from it being حرام for it to be what if we take the process of the statement which is the أمر the command that he gave وجوب or if we take a the view of this فقهار who said which is استحباب how you recommend it that he looks now this is us looking at not the looking in and within itself but rather what it's going to lead to and in the شريعة the حرام are two types and they're like that things which are حرام in and within itself like زينا not in any way formal shape with زينا ever be حلال we don't look at why you do enough we know no حزينة حرام are you with me شرب الخمر drinking alcohol is in and within it's half حرام we don't ask ourselves and say well if you drink a خمر to be awake all night so you can do ذكر then it's permissible لا لا لا it's حرام whereas the looking of a at a woman is it is حرام when we when you're looking at her enjoying huh but if the man is looking to get married to her it is then permissible it is then it is then permissible we also learned from this حديث that was the first point the second thing that we learned from this حديث which is the purpose of why a man is permitted or allowed to look at a woman which he is intending to get married to is so they both will have love desires for one another that the man will not later think to himself i've been deceived i didn't know what i got myself into i want to divorce this woman حديث as fighting against the concept of divorce it wants both of these individuals to stay with one another it wants both of them to be with one another so if the looking at the woman is permitted so they can stay with one another oh family members of the girl the girl herself should not prevent the man from wanting to see her second one is second thing is oh sisters don't make yourself look like what you're not really because then that defeats the purpose of him later remaining and staying with you so the sister should dress and be the way she is where she's at home another point that i have to bring to the attentions of the sisters which is a very important point is the issue of when does a woman know that she can show herself to a man how do you know that this man is serious and wanted to get married to you a man who has reached a point in meeting your family members sitting with your father and your father and he and they've both spoken this is a serious individual he's taken the matter to the supreme court it's your father so at this particular point it is a person who is permitted to see you but if he saw you one day and you take of your حجاب on the street for him that is not that is حرام لا يدوز so it's important that we place things in its correct place it's important that we place things in its correct place