 W-E-A-F, New York, 830 p.m. B-U-L-O-V-A, Boulevard Watchtime. Boulevard, Guest of a Lifetime. A bottle of Avalon cigarettes, please. Yes, sir. Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalon cost you less. So why not always travel on with us? This is Del King saying, welcome to Avalon Time, featuring radio's red-headed ragamuffin, Richard Redskelton, with Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, but Hercules Van Dover, the Avalon chorus, and Bob Strong and his orchestra opening the program with an apple for the teacher from the Star Maker. Saving comes to you as an extra, because Avalons are guaranteed unsurpassed in quality. They're union-made from a perfect blend of choice, Turkish, and domestic tobaccos. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette, regardless of price, regardless of brand. Truly, Avalons are the cigarette buy of today. So the next time, try Avalon cigarettes, and save the difference. Billy Rose and the bevy of deep-athing beauties to make a gorgeous spectacle at the World's Fair. It took two football squads and 76,000 people to make a mighty spectacle at the Yankee Stadium. But on Avalon Time, it only takes one man to make a greater spectacle of himself, Redskelton. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Redskel, speaking of football, Army sure put up a terrific battle at the Yankee Stadium last Saturday against Notre Dame, didn't it? Why not, Red? After all, the Yankee Stadium is the American League's demogino line. Yeah. So what a loud-speaking system they have there. Every time a National League fan shows up, it automatically plays taps. What a football game! What excitement! Bodies, veins, and perspiration. Women screaming at the top of their lungs and strong men cramping underfoot. Now, wait a minute, Red, was this a football game or bargain day in Macy's basement? Yeah. Where's football, Dale? Oh, what a reception I got when I entered the stadium. Two cadets jumped on my back and started racing me up and down the sideline. They thought I was the Army Mule. I wouldn't have minded, but they rode me side-saddle. My uncle was with me, you know, he really knows football strategy, that guy. Every time the team went into punt formation, the score wasn't the only thing that was tight. I used to be a football player myself, Dale. You did? Yeah, I played with a Vincent Icky. How do you think I got this faith? One day while I was playing, I started a lateral pass. Yeah. A tackler broke through the line, lunged with a straight arm, and intercepted my push. I'll never forget the time I held the ball for a place kick. What happened? I turned my back to the stand, then I turned my back to the line, and then the ball snapped, and I turned my back to the kicker. That's the last time I've ever do that with a near-sighted bullpack. Well, it looks like I'm benched, folks. Here comes Dick Todd carrying the ball for dear old Avalon. Thank you, Dick. Lollex in the rain. I heard a robin sing today. Spring is just across the way. And there I go again. Goes her drool in my heart. Or gets to smile. In the rain. I love those flower songs. Lollex, Blue Orchids, Roses and Picardy. I wish they'd write a song about my favorite flower. What is it, Skeleton? The corn flower? No, it's not a corn flower, Todd. It's not a daffy dill either. My favorite flower is a Chris... Oh, you know, one of those big yellow jobs. Hey, that would make a nice song. Big yellow jobs in the rain. Hello, boys. Your song sounded swell, Dick. Thanks, Anna. Say, how come you never say anything about my voice? Do you ever hear a voice like mine? Not since I gave a hyena a hot foot. Speaking of hyenas, how about that crazy brother of yours, that press agent of mine? Imagine booking me into a nightclub where there's so much smoke in the joint, they have to use fog lights on the dance floor. And not only that, I have to challenge the customer. Well, how do you issue your challenges, Red? Through a loudspeaker? No, through an Ouija boy. I do not. The guy I fought last night was plenty tough. He sure was. For a midget. He was no midget, Anna. Oh, no. Well, how come when we had coffee afterwards, every time he dunks his donut, he got his shoulders wet? Yeah. Ah, go on. In the ring, that guy towered way over me. Well, why didn't you get up off the floor? I was... Now listen, just for that, you walk around the studio five times saying, and don't forget your change. Come on, get going. Start saying it. Okay, teacher. And don't forget your change. No kidding, Red. How did you really come out in your fight? Head first. I mean, uh... Well, well, well. Are you still? Shoot. Listen, I've taken enough from you, Roger. You're no longer my press agent and manager. I can handle my own affairs. What do you think I am, a baby? Don't forget your change. I know something like that had happened to her if she stayed around you long enough. She's gone plug-nuddy. Well, never mind that. I'm not going to fight anymore. That's all I'm telling you. I'm through. Let's not argue about this. I want to tell you how to win your fight. See? Now, like last night, I kept yelling at you to bring one up from the floor. I brought one up from the floor, and I did very much. How do you know? He sent me back down for another one. But I got up, I left him with my right, and I left him with my left. Then I left. You sure wasn't any pretty picture when you got in your dressing room. Dressing room? What dressing room? I thought you said that room was going to be private. That is private. Didn't it have your name over the door? Skelton ain't spelled G-E-N-T-S. Then I mean it when I say I'm through with you. I've got a lawyer coming over here later to break my contract with you. Ah, don't get conceited. I can get comedians like you for a dime a dozen. And don't forget your change. Yeah. Now, that's enough, Edna. That's so long, Stooge. I'm going out now to take care of a guy who tried to break his contract. Now, what are you going to do, satchel mouth? I've got to see a man about a moor. Well, he'll find out. Well, while I'm waiting for my lawyer to show up, Bob Strong and his orchestra will play a weird hunk of rhythm called Jungle Drums. Wait till you hear it, folks. You'll swear the guy wrote it after two. Come, come, come. Oh, and this dummy broke up his famous act? Well, it went like this. Hey, Professor, could I borrow a cigarette? Why, sure. Here you are. Oh, goodness. No, thanks. Not that brand. I smoke Avalon. Oh, so you smoke Avalons, eh? Well, that's the end of our act. Professor, what do you mean? Well, if you smoke Avalons, you're no dummy. It's a smart move on anyone's part to switch to Avalon cigarettes. Avalons are guaranteed unsurpassed in quality, but cost three to five cents less per pack than other popular price brands, a very worthwhile saving. Try Avalons tonight. You'd never guess they cost you less. Never were true words spoken, Del, okay? Say, is my lawyer showing up yet? Not yet, Red. Say, by the way, is that nightclub where you work really a tough place? Tough? Say, every time you pass a place, you hear the roaring 21 guns, and they ain't saluting anybody. No fooling, that's it. Say, that's probably my lawyer now. Come in. Well, it certainly took you a long time to get... Are you my lawyer? Well, I... He's a counselor at law. Oh, goodness, yes, Mr. Skelton. I bail him. Now to get to the case. Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so I'll help you? I do. Oh, well, there's no use, Herky. I don't think you can... you can't help me. Oh, can't I? Why, Mr. Skelton, you happen to be addressing the great Hercules of the firm, Hercules Atlas Sampson and Delilah. Hercules Atlas Sampson? How did Delilah get in there? Oh, gracious, you know Sampson, don't you? Yeah. Oh, but you should see my record, Mr. Skelton. Of course, I lost my last case, but that was my mom's fault. What? By the next time I try a case in court, she's going to let me dress just like the despic attorney. How's that, Herky? She's going to let me wear long pants. But boy, as far as my other cases are concerned, I fix some, I never... Yeah, wait a minute, Herky. You've already made that point clear. Oh, goodness, so what? The way everybody steps on me, no wonder I have an inferiority duplex. Okay, I'll give you the case. Now, I want you to break a contract with a phony press agent by the name of Roger Stillwell. That's Ed and his brother. Oh, that oughta... Roger Stillwell? Yeah. Oh, good heavens, why, he just hired me to uphold the contract. Oh, is this my lucky day? Lucky? Yes, indeedy. Now, I can't possibly lose the case. Well, I got a scudoodle along, Mr. Skelton. You see, I'm going to get up early tomorrow morning and go out riding in the country. I'm riding the hounds with some lawyer friends of mine. Oh, chasing a fox over the countryside, eh? No, instead of a fox, we chase an ambulance. Tell your home that thing! That's fine. I'm in a good fix. Empty pockets, empty future, empty head, which brings us up to Dick Todd and the Avalon course singing Empty Saddles. One side, Tenderfoot. Yeah, Tenderfoot and me, an eagle scalpel. There's something strange in the old corral. There's a breeze, though the wind has dialed someone out my song. The blonde who on the trail saddles, are you heading for? You got the idea for that song, Empty Saddles? No, where? The guy got the idea of watching the little man who wasn't there riding a horse. How we come to our slice of life are playlet about things that really happen. And tonight deals with the greatest question of the day. How to keep a dog in a small one-room apartment. You set the scene, Bill. All right, Red, the time about 6.30 p.m. The place, somewhere in your hometown. Now as the scene opens, we find Red Skelton who makes the part of a tired businessman, even more tired, coming home from work. And Edna still well as the wife who has been standing over a hot magazine all day. Edna greets him, listening time, 6 minutes and a little control. Take it, Carefree. It's just your husband. You look awfully tired, dear. How's business at the laundry? Oh, pretty good. Oh, gee, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to get my things as white as the other fellas do. And look at my hands. I'm getting ironing board knuckles. By the way, where's the dog? He's over in the corner, digesting your Sunday pants. What? That's the third pair of my pants he's chewed up. Why don't he chew up a pair of your... Why don't he chew up some of your... The poor guy will get lint on the lung, too. Don't get excited, dear. Remember your foundation. Yeah, maybe you're right. Gee, I wish I could get that dog to like me more. You know, I think I'll win him over. After supper, I'll throw him a bone. That's using your head. He's getting bigger every day. Why, he looks like a horse. Yeah, he sure is. Big yesterday on the street, he wagged his tail and knocked over three fire hydrants. Well, there's one nice thing about him. He never barks. Yeah, you know, it's a funny thing. That's the first wire hair terrier I ever saw that didn't bark. That's the first wire for sound. Yeah, say, did Jim Farley's boys leave anything today? Huh? As any male. Oh, yes. There's 14 bills, a black hand note and a threat. A black hand note and a threat? Yeah, from the coal man and the landlord. The landlord says we either get rid of that dog or we're refugees. Ooh, a travel log, eh? Well, he can't do that to us. Well, I'll think of something. Well, you better turn on the Einstein, cousin. That's him now. Well, all right. Well, all right. Your boy must be swinging. Kind of, I squeeze in here. No, but leave the door open. The knob makes it a little crowded when there's three people in here. I came up to see you about that Greyhound dog of yours. Greyhound? What do you mean? He's a wire hair terrier. Listen, I know a Greyhound when I see one. Well, you should, dog face. How do you like that? That guy at the fed shop told me that he was a wire hair terrier. Now, that's the second time he's cheated me. Last week, he sold me a pair of love birds to stop nicking after he heard the voice of experience. To give you an ultimatum. An ultimatum? Oh, really, you shouldn't give me one of those. Oh, quiet, Sponge Brain. He's telling us where to get off. Oh, as I was saying, you'll either have to get rid of that flea mobilizer or move. Well, that's funny. And here you said it was okay to have a dog. A dog, yes, but that mutt gets more like a moose every day. Why, I remember when my kid used to carry him around in their arms. Yeah. Now, they ride the school on his back. They do. Well, tell him to stop it. He's a Greyhound dog, not a bus. Besides, it's your fault. When we moved in here, the place was full of fleas and you told us to get something for him. There he is. I suppose if there were mice in the joint, you'd go out and get a couple of bats. I don't want to get my life into this. Now, listen, Sagwood. What is it, baby, dumpling-push? Listen, the people downstairs are complaining about that dog pacing up and down the floor all night. Well, can I help out if he worries? Okay, you win. I'll make him sleep outside. Yeah. You wouldn't dare. Well, if you don't get out, I'll have to throw you out. Yeah, and I'll stick the dog on yet, but I'll do it. I'll wait till that dog isn't here, and then I'll throw you out. Go on, stick him, boy. Go get him. I'd do better. I'd have you thrown in jail, and I don't mean tight-sand. Hey! Gee, did you hear that? He barked. Or was that you? No, I only howl. Now, what are you going to do? Well, at least we can stay here tonight and we'll find a place to mark. Hey, has the wolfhound been out for his walk yet? No, not yet. And don't look at me. He's your dog. I don't ask you to walk my goldfish. Okay, I'll take him out, and I'm not going to do a full dribble-push. He's just going out the front with him. I think there's an old egg in the back. There is. I'll sneak down the back. Where's his leash? His leash? I don't know. Oh, here it is around my neck. I forgot it was my turn to wear it today. You better peek out in the hall and see if your full push-face is gone. Okay. Nobody out here. I'll open up a few of these doors in the hall. See where those steps are. Oh, pardon me, madam. I'm sorry. He's been in that closet. Be careful. That door leads to an old elevator shaft. What? Look out! You'll fall! The largest selling cigarette in their price class. And there's a mighty good reason for this tremendous preference. Avalons give you popular price cigarette quality for three to five cents less per pack. Yes, Avalons cost three to five cents less than other popular price brands. A repeated saving that will net you many extra dollars in a surprisingly short time. Unexceld quality, real money-saving economy. What more could you ask from your cigarettes? Give Avalons a trial tonight. I didn't yell. Farley says it's okay to go ahead. Okay. Thanks a lot, fellas. Thank you. What do you mean by Farley says it's okay to go ahead? Oh, nothing at all, Dale. I'm just anxious to get started on my Thanksgiving jokes and check up on the right day. What do you care, Skelton? You have a turkey every Wednesday. Yeah. Oh, that's the use. Good night, everybody. I'll see you all next week. Goodbye now. Well, friends, we hope you've enjoyed our show and be with us next Wednesday night at this same hour when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation again presents Red Skelton, Dick Todd, Edna Stillwell, Bob Strong and his orchestra, and the entire gang in Avalon time. This is Del King speaking, reminding you that during the week when you asked for Avalon cigarettes... Don't forget your change. Yes, you'd never guess, but Avalon cost only 10 cents, plus city or state tax. Important to every pipe smoker. If you paid $100 a pound for your smoking tobacco, you couldn't get finer quality than Sir Walter Raleigh, the quality pipe tobacco of America. That's why Sir Walter Raleigh is the largest selling pipe tobacco in the Army. The Navy. On American college campuses. Yes, everywhere you find men who know and appreciate quality smoking. Gentlemen, you'll like Sir Walter Raleigh. Try a tin tonight. This is the national broadcasting company. W-E-A-F, New York.