 Cabin and Costello program, brought to you by Camel, the cigarette that's first in the service according to actual sales records. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you, too. Find out for yourself. Listen to the rhythms of Freddie Rich and his orchestra, the swingy songs of Connie Haynes. And this being October 12th, we remind you of the famous words that Queen Isabella said to Columbus. Here, Columbus discovered America and America discovered our Camel stars, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. Well, Costello, I'm sure glad to see you again. How do you feel? Huh? How do you feel? Oh, I don't know. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Oh, yes, oh yes. Already? Here it is. All right, go ahead. Here it is, I'm page one. I feel awful, Abbott. I really feel awful. I just got some terrible news. What do you mean? Get a load of this letter. What letter? It just came from my cousin, Corporal, Hugo Costello. Yes? He's been thrown into the guardhouse for bringing poison ivory into the camp. Poison ivory? Yep. I think you mean poison ivy? No, this was poison ivory. They caught him with loaded dice. Oh. Look, Costello, forget about your cousin. I've got some important business to discuss with you. Oh, good. You know that $75 you made this summer working on your Uncle Audie Steven's farm? What about it? Well, I am going to invest it for you today. I'm going to double your money. You're going to double my money? Yes. No, you don't, Abbott. Give me back my $75. What do you mean? I'll double it myself. How? I'll fold it once and put it back into my pocket. Costello, I'm not going to give you that money. You'll only squander it. Besides, I haven't got the money with me. You haven't, huh? No. What's that lump in your sock? Oh, that's my long underwear. How come your long underwear's got Lincoln's picture on it? Costello, there's no use arguing. I've made our decision. You've made our decision? Exactly. What is our decision that you've made? I'm investing your $75 in a gold mine and gold tooth Nevada. I don't want no gold mine. Oh, nonsense, Costello. Do you know of an easier way to make money? Yeah, but Gypsy Rose Lee beat me to it. I'd like to do a take-off on Gypsy Rose Lee. Yeah, I never mind that. Ah, pretty good. No, no, no, no. Here, here, here. Here, put that back. Put that back. Costello, I can see that you know nothing about mining. Oh, is that so? Yes. I spent all last night mining in my kitchen. Mining in your kitchen? Yeah, counts of mining. Oh. Oh, Costello. That counts of mining. I got it, I got it. I'll give you one more try. All right. Not Costello. Do you know where gold comes from? No, but I know where it goes to. Yeah, I know. Now, give me back my $75. Not so fast. For your information, gold comes from ore. Huh? Gold comes from ore. Gold comes from ore. Yeah. Or what? That's right, gold ore. Oh, thank you. Or what? Or nothing. Just plain ore. Look, it's got to be ore something. No, no, no, no. You just can't let the participle dangle. It gets in front of the proposition. No. I tell you, Costello, it's just plain, just plain ore. Gold ore. Ah, but you shouldn't talk without finishing your sentences. Your grammar is bad. My grammar is bad. Your grammar is bad. I finish my sentences. How do you think your grammar is? She hasn't finished her sentence yet. Listen, Costello, get this through your thick skull. Gold comes from ore. Good. First you dig the gold, then you smelt it. I do what? You smelt the gold. I didn't smelt nothing. I couldn't smelt it. I got a coal. Look, will you please talk, sense, Costello? I mean, you dig up the gold, and then you smelt it. Not me, Abbott. I ain't digging it up. Why not? If it's going to smelt, why dig it up? Let it stay in the ground. But Costello... Not if it's going to smelt, why'll the dirt on it? Wait a minute. Look, but... Burry it deeper. I know. Way, way down. Look, will you please be quiet. In order to refine the gold, you've got to smelt it. You smelt the gold ore. The gold ore what? Don't start that again, please. You smelt the gold, and it comes out refined. It comes out refined. That's right. That don't make sense. Well, if the gold is so refined, why does it smelt? No. You still don't understand, Lou. First, you dig into the ground until you strike a vein of gold. A vein of gold? Certainly. Gold comes in veins. Is that why your veins are so lumpy? Listen, I'm not talking about my veins. Well, I am. Well, whose veins are you talking about? The veins I'm talking about are in the ground. And as you dig down deeper, you find that the veins get closer and closer together. Oh, just like my grandfather. Your grandfather. Yeah, he's got very, very close veins. Well, you stop talking and start listening. As you follow the veins down into the ground, you finally come to the main vein. That's where you strike your mother load. I beg your pardon? That's where I strike what load? The mother load. The mother load. You strike the mother vein. How dare you? Now, Abbott, you and me is going out in the alley. You have impugned on my good name. What do you mean? Now, I'm a good-natured dope. You know that, Abbott. I know that. Now, you can abuse me all you want. And I've stood a lot from you. All right. I have taken many, many insults, but I didn't mind. Because I'm beneath that. But at last you have hurt and besmirked my honor. What in heaven's name are you talking about? I didn't mind when you told me that gold smelt. And I didn't care when you told me that even my refined gold smelt. I even forgave you, Abbott, when you said gold ore. And you refused to tell me or what. But when you asked me to go down into that mine and strike my mother in the veins while she was carrying a load. Speaking of veins, whoever has seen a diagrammatic drawing of the human throat, what a wonderful, intricate instrument it is. And how important that you give it proper care and attention, such as the proper choice of cigarettes, for example. That is important. Why don't you give your own throat a chance to try camel's kind, cool mildness? See how your throat feels at the end of a day after you've been smoking all day when camel's your cigarette. And try camel's rich, full, fresh flavor on your taste. The flavor that never goes flat, so many smokers say, no matter how many camel's you smoke. Flavor that holds up pack after pack. So try camel's on your T-zone. That's T for throat and T for taste today. C-A-M-E-L-S Camel's a superb blend of costlier tobaccos. Well, though we don't know what the Lou Costello will find gold, we do know that Freddie Rachel and his orchestra will strike a vein of popularity when they dig straight enough and fly right. Start digging. But in Lou Costello, we find that the convincing abbot has induced the gullible Costello to invest his $75 in a gold mine called the Little Popper Mine located in Goldtooth, Nevada. As we look in on the boys, they are trekking across the burning sands of the Mojave Desert on their way to the mine. Here they are, trekking, trekking, trekking. I's a trekking, a boom-daddy-a-dee. I's a trekking with a hot old baby. Right on it, Costello, Costello, Costello. Costello. Yes. Will you behave yourself? Well, I was a trekking. I know, but we've got to get to Goldtooth, Nevada before dark. You know, I think we're lost now. I don't see any sign of a trail. Hey, Abbott, look. There's a big rock over there with some writing on it. What does it say? What does it say? Can't you read? No. I can read reading, but I can't read writing. All right. Get out of the way. Let's see. Okay. It says, uh, under this stone lies Billy the Kid. Well, come on. What are you standing there for? Come on, help me. Move this stone, Abbott. What for? We've got to get that kid out of there. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. How can he breathe under there? No, wait a minute, dummy. It says this rock marks the spot where Billy the Kid fell in 1861. Well, no wonder the kid fell. I nearly tripped over to daunting myself. No, I didn't. Well, what's got me is, how did he get under the rock? Never mind that. Look here. Wow. Hey, windman, here comes a man across the desert. Maybe he can give us some information, some directions. Get a load of the guy. He's wearing a bathing suit. Yeah. Hey, you. What's the idea of wearing a swimming suit out here in the desert? I'm a lifeguard. A lifeguard? But there isn't any water within 200 miles of here. Yes. Large beach, isn't it? Was that guy real or am I seeing a garage? Garage. The word is mirage. Oh, no, Abbott. Mirage is what my mother puts on top of her pies. Lemon mirage pies. No, you don't. You don't mean mirage. You mean meringue. Meringue. Meringue? Yes. Oh, no. That's what we use in our house instead of butter. Butter. Butter. You use meringue. Yeah. All the old marjorie, meringue. Oh. Slippery stuff. All right. Can't hold it in your hand. The powder. Yeah, I know all about that. Come on, come on, Castella. We've got a long way to go before we get to the mine. Hey, look. There's an Indian coming out of that cave over there. Maybe he knows the way. Well, if it's an Indian Abbott, let's run. He probably wants our scallops for dinner. Fried scallops with head lettuce. Now, don't be such a coward. He's just a peaceful Indian selling blankets. I'll speak to him. How much cost them blankets, chief? Uh, $15. But, chief, $15 for that blanket. You make them price too high. What high? That's strictly OPA ceiling prices. Castello, it's Kitzel. How's it with you, my hippie-chappies? Hey, Kitzel, are you an Indian? Oh, with certain reservations, yes. Oh, wait a minute, Kitzel. Yeah. Those are phony Indian blankets you got there. Why? Look, it says right here, Made in Cleveland. Oh, Pishpash, didn't you ever hear of the Cleveland Indians? Look, Kitzel, we're trying to get to Castello's mine and gold tooth in the bottom, and we lost our way. Can you tell us where we can get an Indian guide? I'm an Indian. When I hear you call... All right, all right, all right. Kitzel, will you keep quiet a minute? Oh, tanto! All right, never mind. Victory! All right, all right. And away! All right, all right, all right. Kitzel, you're a pretty anemic looking Indian. He must be a half-bleed. Half-bleed? Look, Kitzel, I don't like it here either. Now, where can I get a drink around here? I'm all for thirsty. Well, now here, just try a little sip of these homemade cactus juice here. Oh, good. Okay, I'll try it. Hey, this stuff is killing me. Well, for goodness sake, I can't understand that that cactus juice was made personally by the Blackfeet Indians. Well, they must have left one of their feet in it. It's kicking me in the stomach. Listen, Castello, all right, keep quiet. Stop drinking that stuff. Castello, I don't think we can get to the gold tooth tonight. Kitzel, is there any place around here we can stay? Oh, yes, of course. Step right in, gentlemen. Welcome to Kitzel's cozy camper Indians, tall tepees for tired tourists and no charge for scalp treatment. Abbott, I'm telling you now, let's get out of here. Now, just a second, juice, that's second, gentlemen. You're passing up a beautiful place to spend a weekend. Why, we've got here horses, golf courses, and gay young divorces, driving, diving, and jitterbug-jiving, peaches, leeches, poison ivy dot eaches, hiking, biking, or sports to your liking, bees, trees, and a few trains, please. Not to mention. Fishing, wishing, and nice girls for kishing, inspectors, actors, and social directors, foxholes, rockholes, the sand in your sockholes, lizards, gizzards in your winter, there's blizzards. In the winter, there's blizzards. Sundays and Mondays, you're sleeping your undies, cause we have no baths. Here's what Abbott and Luke Castello defaced the pleasant prospect of hearing our golden-boised gal, Connie Haines, sing, It Could Happen to You. Hide your heart from sight, lock your dreams at night. And when you stepped up to a counter and asked for camels, your dealer has to say, sorry, no camels today. But please remember this. Camels' mildness and flavor make them worth asking for the next time. So keep on asking again and again. And again. You know, your T-zone, that's T for taste and T for throat, might join me in urging you to keep on asking for camels. Yes, your taste may say, keep those camels coming, chief, that rich, full, fresh flavor. Ah, that's for us. And your throat may find that camels' kind, cool mildness agrees with it wonderfully. So always ask for... C-A-M-E-L-S. Camels, the cigarette that may suit your T-zone to a T. The cigarette to keep asking for again and again. Here we are to ask Castello in gold tooth. Oh, boy. Are we here in gold tooth? Yes. Let's start drilling. Oh, come, come. Say, there's the Red Dog Saloon, Castello. Let's go in and see if they can direct us to the mine. The Red Dog Saloon? Yes. That looks like a den of antiquity. If my scout master saw me going there, he would strike me off my merit bag. Ah, come on, come on in. No, every time you go in there, the devil goes in with you. What did he say, Abbott? Every time you go into a saloon, the devil goes in with you. Well, if he does, he buys his own drinks. Come on, let's get in there. Welcome to the Red Dog Saloon. Well, who are you? Who am I? I'm part of the Old West. Why, one look at my face and these two guns I'm wearing should tell you who I am. Hey, Abbott, it's Jean Autry. What's that packet she's carrying on her back? Must be Smiley Burnett. Quiet, Castella. The boys were right. Yes, I know it. Madam, we came here to find a... No, no, no, no, no, business can wait. You boys must have had a long journey. Why don't you relax a while? Come on, fat boy, let's dance. I'll have the boys play your favorite tune. Well, my favorite song is called The Bed That Wasn't Slept In. The Bed That Wasn't Slept In? Yeah, Holiday for Springs. I bounced that one up myself. Let's find over Mattress. Castella, we're wasting time. Look, Madam, we came here to look for a little pop of mine. I've convinced Mr. Castella here to buy the controlling interest. The little pop of mine. Be careful where you drop that one, lady. There's 72 cents a dozen. Just a minute, Madam. What's the matter with the little pop of mine? Isn't there any gold in it? Well, there should be. Nobody's ever taken any out. Where is the mine located? Well, it's right under this building, 10,000 feet down. Here, step into the elevator. And if this old cable holds, I'll have you down there in 10 minutes. And if the old cable doesn't hold? Can we come down too fast for you, partner? My underwear rolls up around my neck. Boys, just follow that tunnel there. It'll lead you to the mine. Goodbye. Hey, Abbott, I'm telling you, for the last time, get me out of this place. I ain't going in no dark tunnel. Oh, Castella, you're just scared. You're a lily-livered yellow coward. You're just saying that because it's true. Did I read that right? Yes, come on. But buckle up, Castella. Put a smile on your face. Come on. Let's see you laugh. Abbott, what was that? Somebody else left just like me. Oh, that was nothing, but your echo. Go ahead, laugh again, and you'll see your echo will come right back. Hey, Castella. Hey, I think I see some gold. Gold or what? Oh, never mind. Give me that pick, and I'll start picking. Okay, give me the crowbar, and I'll start crowing. Hey, Abbott. What? I think it's going to rain. Why? Listen, I hear thunder. That isn't rain. That's not rain, and it's not thunder, Castella. I think the mine is caving in. Caving in? Yes. Abbott. Look out. You all right, Castella? We're trapped here in this tunnel. I'm afraid we'll never get out. Never? Never. That's a long time, Abbott. I don't want to stay here. I got to go home. My mother and my little brother, Sebastian, is waiting for me. I'm afraid, Castella. I'm afraid, Castella, that you'll never see them again. Abbott, you don't mean... Yes. What? Castella, these are our last moments on Earth. We have only a few minutes to live. Have you any last thing you want to say before we go? Anything you want to say before we go? Yes, Abbott. Yes. What is it? Just one thing, Abbott. What is it, Lou? It's no use yelling, Castella. Nobody can hear us away down here. I don't care if nobody hears us away down here as long as they hear us way up there. There isn't a chance, Castella. We may as well face it. This is the end, old pal. I guess you're right, Abbott. Castella, our friendship has meant a lot to me. I know it has. I appreciate the many things you've done for me. I know I've done a lot. And before the end comes, I'd... I'd like... I'd like to give you back your $75. You want to give me the $75 now that it's the end? Take it, Lou. I don't want anything on my mind. Find time to pay me! Here. Invest it in any business you want while we're here. Here in the cave. I got invested. Use your own judgment. I'll open up my hot dogs then. Use your own judgment. Well, thanks, old pal. I'm almost ashamed to make this... to take this money. I mean, after all the things I've done to you, I've done a lot of things to you, Abbott. Oh, that's all right. I've done some awful things to you. That's all right. Abbott, there's one thing I've got to tell you before the end. There's one thing I've got to confess. What is it? What is it, Gustell? I knew who was on first base all the time. Sebastian, come on. Mars got your breakfast ready. I love you, Sebastian. To the angst of the week, tonight we salute Private First Class Alton W. Nappenberger of Spring Mountain, Pennsylvania, wearer of the nation's highest award, the Congressional Medal of Honor. It would take this whole half hour and another to cover all of this one-man Anzio army as they called him on the Italian front. In your honor, Private Nappenberger, the makers of camels are sending to our fighters overseas 400,000 camel cigarettes. Three camel radio shows honors a yank of the week by sending free 400,000 camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camel sent free each week. In this country, the camel caravans traveling from camp to camp have thanked audiences of more than four million yanks with free shows and free camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States three times a week, a short wave to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore, Monday to Bob Hawke in Thanks to the Yanks, and next Thursday to Abbott and Costello. Well, as we promised, here are but Abbott and Luke Costello for a few final words. Thanks, Ken. Come on, Costello. Let's get going to the mine and dig up the gold ore. Now, look, Abbott, let's forget the whole thing. Forget it. Why, you're turning down a fortune. A slice of that mine is a bonanza. Okay, you talk me into it. If you give me a bottle of cream, I'll go. A bottle of cream? Sure. I'm not about sliced bonanza and bonanza. Good night, folks. Good night, everybody. Be sure to tune in next week for another great Abbott and Costello show. And remember, try camels on your throat and your taste. See for yourself how camel's mildness, coolness, and flavor clicked with you. More pipes smoke Prince Albert than any other tobacco in the world. The whole wide world. And when anything becomes that popular, there must be a reason. There are a lot of reasons why Prince Albert will put new pleasure in your good old pipe, too. The flavor? Wonderful. Rich and full, but mellow and mild as Indian summer sunshine. The aroma? Hmm. An aged-in-the-wood goodness that pleases people around you as well as yourself. And Prince Albert is crimp cut for the firmest packing, smoothest drawing, cleanest burning a smoker could ask for. And it's no bite treated for the happiness of your tongue. And what a bargain. There are just about 50 thrifty pipe pulls in one red two ounce package of Prince Albert. So start on PA today. This program was directed by Dick Mack, and this is Ken Niles, wishing you a pleasant good night from Hollywood. National Broadcasting Company.