 Kraft presents the Great Gilder Sleeve. Each week at this time, the Kraft Cheese Company presents for your enjoyment, Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve, written by Leonard L. Levinson. We'll hear from the Great Gilder Sleeve in just a moment. But right now, here's a message of very great importance for today's menu makers. I don't know how much you housewives actually know about modern margarine, but there's probably been no time in the history of America when it was so important for you to have the true facts about nourishing wholesome foods for your family. So I want to tell you about Parquet. Parquet is the new quality margarine made by Kraft, a delicious spread for bread, hot rolls, and toast. Now, of course, the fact that Parquet does taste so good probably accounts for its popularity as a spread in millions of homes. But this is even more important. Parquet margarine is a protective food with exceptionally high nutritional value. It is one of the best energy foods you can serve and a reliable year-round source of vitamin A. There are 9,000 units of this vitamin in every pound of Parquet. So tomorrow ask your food dealer for a pound of Parquet margarine made by Kraft. The whole family will like it because it tastes so good and you'll know that you're giving them an economical, highly nutritious food made to the Kraft standards of quality. Just say Parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. And now for the adventures of the Great Gildersleeve. Whistful Vista, coming in to Whistful Vista. You say this is, oh, Whistful Vista, where Pepper McGee and Molly live? Yes, madam. Oh, my. Do you think I'll be able to see them from the train window? No, lady, the McGees are on their vacation. Oh. But say, there's the next-door neighbor of theirs, Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. Where? Where? That Fordley gent with the Mustache on the platform, the one making a speech to his employees. How do you know they're his employees? Because every time he goes away, he gives them an hour off to come down to the station and wave goodbye. Oh, so that's Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, I... Tell you how touched I am to see all the employees of the Gildersleeve Girdleworks down here at the station to bid me goodbye. It's indeed, by the way, is there anyone left at the plant? Well, no. What if some orders come in? Who'll take the phone calls? Uh, Mert. Oh, Mert, eh? Yeah. As I was saying while I'm away, I expect every one of you to uphold Gildersleeve Girdles to the best of your ability. And don't forget our motto. If you want the best of corsets, of corsets, Gildersleeve. Very good, TP. Very good. Thank you. Thank you. You'll get a raise. And though it's necessary for me to go away and attend to other enterprises, the one thing closest to my heart is the Gildersleeve Girdle. How long will you be gone, TP? At least three days and maybe till the end of the week. Oh, before you go, TP, the Gildersleeve Girdle Workers Guild wishes to present you with this handsome leather briefcase as token of our esteem for you. Yes, sir. I don't know what to say except... All aboard? Yes, all aboard. Oh, no. Oh, my goodness. Out of my way, everybody. Where are my bags? On the train, TP. Thanks. I forgot to buy a ticket. Where do I buy a ticket? On the train, TP. Oh, yes. Let go of me, boys. Where are you pushing me? On the train. Here's your ticket, Mr. Gildersleeve. Sorry I haven't any births left. Couldn't you squeeze me in somewhere? I'll try, though it'll probably be a tight squeeze. A tight squeeze. Side-splitting, isn't it? Going to be in summer field long? Oh, no. Just three or four days. I'm taking over the administration of my brother-in-law's estate. I'm going to run it for my niece and nephew. But that's quite involved and I'm hungry. Which way is the diner? Why, an old experienced traveler like you should know where the diner is. Oh, of course. No matter where you are, the diner is always at the other end of the train. See you later. Oh, excuse me, madam. What are you crowded in this diner? By George, I'm so hungry I could eat the waiter. Yes, sir? Is it all right if I sit at this table? Yes, sir. Sit right down, sir. If this gentleman doesn't mind reading his paper on his own side. I said if this gentleman doesn't mind reading his paper on his own side. Excuse me, sir. Does you mind? Yes, I do. I'm particular whom I eat with. You are, eh? Well, I'm not. I'm hungry. Waiter, bring me a steak, a nice juicy double tenderloin rare. Waiter, where's my milk toast? I ordered it 15 minutes ago. I'm sorry, but milk toast takes time, you know. And waiter, I want a big heaping plate of French fries. Yeah, French fries. And a cup of strong coffee with lots of cream. I'll get it right away soon. And bring me my milk toast made with gluten bread, remember? Yes, bread. Oh, that reminds me, some hot biscuits and a little pot of jam. Gluten bread toasted and a cup of hot water. And an apple pie alimone with cheese. Yeah, with cheese. I can't stand this. Listening to you is giving me heartburn. It is, eh? Waiter, don't forget the steak sauce, ketchup, piccadilly and relish. Bring me a glass of bicarbonate of soda quick. Yes, right away, sir. I'll be back. Of course, it's none of my business, mister. And don't stick your nose in it. All right, that's the way you feel about it. I was just going to tell you you're getting your newspaper in the mustard. I don't use mustard. Oh, I guess you don't need any. But what I was going to say was... Never mind, never mind, never mind. Okay, I won't say it then. That mustard from your newspaper is all over your sleeve now. I don't care. What? All the messes, I... Water only spreads it. You see what I tell you? I'll thank you to mind your own business. What's the big idea jumping down my throat? What do you expect addressing a perfect stranger? You're far from perfect stranger. And from now on, I'm going to make a career out of ignoring you. Uh, here comes my food. That's pretty snappy service, waiter. Yes, sir. Well, where's my milk toast? I'm sorry, sir, but the chef is all out of glutton bread. He wants to know what Pumpernickel do just as well. No, Pumpernickel wouldn't do just as well. And why keep me waiting all the time while you serve this big buffalo the minute he sits down? Oh, look here, mister. I don't want to look here. I'm sick of the side of you. The idea, an overstuffed ox like you gubbling and gubbling and gorging yourself like an ostrich. I've got a bad case of indigestion already just from looking at you. Why, you disceptic little dodo? Just because you're mean to your stomach and your stomach talks back to you, you belly ache. Excuse the expression. You're not suffering from indigestion. You're just green with apicurian envy. I won't sit here. Here's your bicarbonate of soda, mister. Take it away. Take it away. I need something stronger than that now. I've got some pills down here, my briefcase. Just a minute there. What are you doing with my briefcase? Your briefcase. This is mine. It is not. My employees gave it to me just this afternoon. Take your fat paws off of my briefcase before I... Before you watch, you dried up little crabapple. Now wait a minute, gentlemen, please. Let go of my briefcase. It's not. It's mine. Now, wait a minute. Did you see anything of my briefcase? I left it. Oh, you gentlemen have it. Thank you so much. Well, for the... Now, there you are, Mr. Guiltasleeve. I've located a birth for you at last. Oh, that's fine, conductor. I was getting tired of sitting around here in my pajamas. Where is it? It's upper nine in the next car. Upper nine? Oh, my goodness. The last time I was in an upper birth was... Maybe 50 pounds ago. The porter's making it up for you now. Thanks. I do hope that porter gives me a wide berth. It's the dark in here. Oh, porter! Porter! Oh, excuse me. Must be sleeping. Oh, porter! Have you got upper nine ready yet? Yes, but I didn't anticipate no gentlemen's at such ample proportions. Yeah. Well, maybe I'd better take a ladder. Yes, I'd better take two. They're small. Well, all right. Come on. Yes. Here we are, right up there, sir. Up there? Oh, my goodness. To hold these ladders steady, porter. Remember, if they tip, I won't. Yes. Now, be careful, Mr. Train is coming to a shop quite soon. When? Then... Oh! I can't hold on. I'm coming down. Look out below. My sacrilege. Yeah, miss. Let me help you out. I don't want to get up. I want to sleep. Not you, Mr. The Man in Dopa. He's now in Lula. And where am I? Get off of my poor stomach. Who is it? Oh, it's you. What are you doing sneaking into my berth? I'm not sneaking into your... I'm not sneaky. I'm trying to climb into bed. I'm your upstairs neighbor. Isn't that nice? I hope that swinging shelf snaps shut on you. Oh, yeah? If it's going to swing, I'll see that it swings your way. And if I land on you again, brother, you'll spend the rest of the night sleeping in the road bed. Oh, quiet. Let me go to sleep. Okay, grand pop, unpleasant dreams. All right, porter. Give me a leg up again, will you? 32,473. 32,474. 32,475. Oh, my goodness. Two o'clock already and still not a wink. Yes. 32,476. 32,478. Oh, what's the use? It was only some way of stopping that buzzsaw down there. I can't stand this any longer. Where's that porter? I'll fix this guy. You call me, sir? Yes. Would you mind getting me a drink of ice water? I can't sleep. Yeah, sir. Here's the water, master. Thank you. You needn't wait. Good night. Good night. Good night, sir. Yes. If I can hold this cup in this hand and open the lower curtain with it. Ah, I've got it. Steady now, gilder sleeve. Ready, aim. Shut this window, will you? It's raining right in on my face. Here he is. He's just pulling into Somerfield. You want me to brush you off? No, I'll walk down the steps like the rest of the passengers. Yeah. By the way, porter, you've given me such good service. Here's an order for a gilder sleeve girdle for your wife. Thank you, sir. I happen to be a spinster at the moment. But if it's all right with you, I'll put in my hope chance. Yes. Yes, that's perfectly all right. Somerfield, eh? By George, I'm certainly looking forward to seeing Marjorie and little Lee Roy again. Hi, Marjorie. Why can't I call him T.P. like they do down to this foundry? It isn't a foundry, Lee Roy. It's a... Oh, never mind. It's nothing that consents little boys. And I'm sure that he will prefer to have you call him Uncle Throckmorton. Oh, shucks. You can't go around calling a big tough guy who runs a steel foundry, Throckmorton. It's positively degradatory. It's derogatory. Yeah, it's that too. Lee Roy, who told you Uncle Throckmorton was in the steel business? Ah, you thought you were so smart. I saw one of his letterheads. The Gilder Sleeve Girder Company. Hmm? Oh, yes. Gilder Sleeve Girder Company. See, he should be here by now, shouldn't he, Marjorie? Now, don't you worry, Lee Roy. Just as soon as his train arrives, Mr. Wills will bring him here for breakfast. I wanted to go down to the station, too. I know, but Ted has to discuss all the legal details with Uncle Throckmorton before we go to court. Say, you're getting pretty darn stuck on that Ted guy, aren't you? By Lee Roy Forrester, I am not. Ted Wills is merely our lawyer. He is not. Williams and Williams, Willys and Wills are our lawyers and Ted's nothing but the tail end. Well, he's young, yet. You just give him time. Ah, there you go. Who say, how's it if I should call him Uncle Morton? Call who? Oh, Uncle Throckmorton. Well, I don't think he objected to that. Wait, I can do better than that. How's this? Uncle Mort. Who's that? Uncle Mort. I'll answer it. Well, well, well. I'll bet this is little Lee Roy. Hi, Uncle Mort. Hi, who? Find if I call you Uncle Mort, the Uncle Mort. No, not at all. Go right ahead. Uncle Mort, eh? I like that. And this is Marjorie, Mr. Gildersley. Marjorie, eh? Eh, come here, my dear. My, how you've grown. Uncle Throckmorton, let me take your hat and coat. Will you have some breakfast? No thanks. I've already had mine on the... Well, I'll have a cup of coffee. Sit right here, Uncle. Ted, you sit over there. Oh, thanks. My, this looks wonderful. Hey, Uncle, will you take me back to Wills Forrester with you in your factory? What? Well, I didn't think you'd be interested in that sort of thing. Now, Lee Roy. Gee, I am, Uncle Mort. That must be some layout. I'll bet you'll make the supports for a lot of big projects there. We don't turn out anything much like we sort of can find ourselves to foundations. Say, I close foundations. I don't have... What did you say, young man? Please excuse me, Uncle Mort. He's been like that ever since he found out that you owned the Gildersleeve Gerder Company. What? The Gildersleeve Gerder? Yes. Oh, yes, I see it all now. Yes, a bright boy. Them tough steel workers are yours? No, no, I never do. You know, huh? Oh, well, of course. There have been times when I've had to put more snap into their work. Yes. Once I was so angry, I picked up and made a foundation and bounced it right off the foreman's head. You did? Now, Leroy, let your uncle eat his breakfast. Hasn't toast, Uncle Mort? No, thanks. Speaking of toast reminds me of an amusing incident on the train last night. You'll enjoy this, Leroy. When I went into the diner, the only empty chair was at the table with a song. Crack yell when the ice water hit him in the face. Well, it's time we leave for court, Mr. Gildersleeve. It is? Come on, kids. MUSIC Well, all I can say is we run things better than this in Whistle Vista. 11 o'clock and the judge hasn't even shown up yet. Judge Hooker's usually very prompt. Yes, the trouble with some of these judges is they think they're little tin gods. Take those black robes away from them, and what have they got? Bow legs. See, that's a hot one, Uncle Mort. Yeah, I'm glad you like it. Everyone rise, please. Ah, last. 525, the aunt will hit it. Hey, Chooker, judge presiding is now in session. Be seated. Sit down, Uncle Mort. Thank you. Oh, my goodness. Who's that man sitting in the judge's chair? What, that's Judge Hooker. Judge Hooker? That's the man in the lower berth. The prime minister of the state of Ray Forrester. Oh, that's us. Come on, Mr. Gildersleeve. I'm not feeling very well, Ted. Couldn't we postpone this over to another judge? Oh, come on, Uncle Mort. Remember what you said. This guy will be a pushover. Yes, a pushover. Come on, come on. Step up. Don't dawdle. I haven't got all day. Make a snappy, folks. The judge is pretty short-tempered this morning. He didn't get any sleep last night. Oh, my... Your Honor, with your permission, I'll put Mr. Gildersleeve on the stand first. I had, Mr. Wills. Swear in the witness bed. You saw me swear to tell the truth. The whole truth knows what the truth's up to. I do. That voice is very familiar. Turn around, Mr... Oh, so it's you. Yeah, it's a hello judge. Mr. Wills. Yes, Your Honor? I will examine this man's qualifications if you don't mind. I don't, Your Honor. But I do. Now then, Gildersleeve, what do you do for a living? I make girdles, Your Honor. Order in the court. Order in the court. Order in the court. And you, Gildersleeve, any more cheap humor, and I'll judge you in contempt. But it's true, Your Honor. I'm the president of the Gildersleeve girdle company. Uncle Morton, I'm the truth. He doesn't make girdles, Judge. And what does he do? Steel foundations. I bet he would, too. Now, no more interruptions, my boy. Remember this, the courtroom? You realize who I am, of course. Sure, you're a bull-legged little tin god. Look, Your Honor, you know how I kid. I'm going to ask you a plain question, and I want a plain answer. What business are you in? Well, I... Oh, that is... Leroy, would you mind going out into the hall and get me some ice water? One moment. Who's running this court? You or I? Better not get Uncle Morton. Oh, my, here we go. He did, did he? Let's hear all about it, Uncle Morton. Judge Hooker, it's after five o'clock. The man's been on the witness stand all day. All right, all right. One more question, and I'll hand down my decision. Mr. Gilda Sleeve, what makes you think that you have executive ability? Well, I have a large staff of my own, and through years of experience, I know the proper relationship between employer and employee. Your Honor. Yes, Mr. Wells? Our firm has thoroughly investigated Mr. Gilda Sleeve, and we're satisfied as to his qualifications. Mr. Wells, I have great respect for you and your associates. That is probably the only reason why I'm going to grant your petition. However, in order to protect these children from their own misguided enthusiasm, I'm going to require this Gilda Sleeve to report to me every single week. But, Your Honor, he must get an okay for every cent that he spends, and I will require him to post a bond of $50,000 in cash. Oh, see here, hookers. I won't stand for this. I'll resign. Gilda Sleeve, I never sent for you. You came here begging for this job. To quote from Brawby v. Union Buggy Corporation, Civil Code of Nebraska, you made your bed and you can't lie out of it. But my business in Wispel Vista. You remain here and make this a state pay or go to jail for contempt. Now, wait a minute. I'm not good. Court is adjourned. So good. Ted, we've got to do something about this. Do you realize that a $50,000 bond would not only take every cent of my ready cash, but also means a mortgage on my Gordleworks? Gee, I'm sorry about how the whole thing went, Mr. Gilda Sleeve. Well, maybe if we went into the judge's chambers, we could persuade him to lower the bond. Sure, just let me talk to him. Young man, you've talked enough for one day. How about it, Ted? Well, it won't hurt to try. Come on. Excuse us, Judge Hooker. You remember me, don't you? I thought perhaps maybe we could possibly get that little cash bond reduced. I don't see why I should have. If you spoke to somebody who'd known me for a long time, they might convince you that I'm not such a bad fellow. Oh, that would be fine, Uncle Moore. Who could the judge talk to? Why, the president of the Wispel Vista Chamber of Commerce. He's my next-door neighbor, too. That chap named Fibber McGee. We can call him long-distance, Your Honor. Yes, yes, I see, Mr. McGee. Yes, I'm glad you put me straight on that. Yes, I knew my little chum would set me in right. That's a very good point. Leroy, I want you to meet McGee one of these days. There's one of nature's noblemen. I guess you've made up my mind for me, Fibber. Yeah, Fibber. Hold the phone a second. I'll tell him. Gilda Sleeve. Yes, Judge? Gilda Sleeve, I've decided to rescind that $50,000 bond. Uh, I knew that would happen if you spoke to my little pal. Yes, after talking to McGee, I'm going to make that bond $100,000. What? Give me that telephone. Hello? You're a hard man, McGee. The Great Gilda Sleeve will be with us again in a few minutes. While Uncle Throck recovers from that, when I want to say a word that I believe will make every thinking housewife want to try parquet margarine tomorrow. This delicious new craft product is most popular as a spread for bread and a seasoning for hot cooked foods because of its delicate pleasing flavor. But the same qualities that make it so good for table use make it an extra fine shortening for baking. I say extra fine because it has all the qualities of an ordinary shortening, plus fine flavor and added nourishment. Let me read you a statement from Mrs. Lillian Watts, who, having been born and raised on a farm, is mighty particular about food. She says, quote, I have a family of eight, and they all like parquet margarine. I use it in various ways, cakes, bread, muffins, biscuits, soups, spreads, and other ways too numerous to mention. Thank you a thousand times for this wonderful product. End of quote. Now that's a mighty enthusiastic statement. But you'll be just as enthusiastic once you have tried parquet. It's so delicious, so nourishing, so grand in every way. Tomorrow, be sure to order parquet, the economical spread made by Kraft. And remember, every pound of parquet margarine contains 9,000 units of vitamin A. Bye. G. Uncle Morton, what are you going to do now? Hi, George Leroy. I'm going to show that judge I can run that estate. Or my name won't be Throckmorton P. Gildesley. You better order, Uncle Morton. You won't even have a name. Yeah, no. I'll just have a number. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. I'll just have a number. Good night, folks. Original music on tonight's program was composed and conducted by William Randall. This is Jim Bannon saying good night for Kraft and reminding you to tune in again next week at the same time to hear the further adventures of the great Gildersley. This is the National Broadcasting Company.