 Hollywood, California, Monday, March 29th. The Lux Radio Theatre presents George Burns and Gracie Allen in Dulce, featuring Elliot Nugent, Howard Lindsay, Norma Lee, and Wallace Clark. Lux presents Hollywood. Our stars, George Burns and Gracie Allen, Elliot Nugent, Howard Lindsay, Norma Lee, and Wallace Clark. Our guests, Elsa Maxwell, Entertainer of International Society, and Hedda Hopper, famous actress and Hollywood personality. Our producer, Cecil B. DeMille. Our conductor, Louis Silvers. This program comes to you with the good wishes of the makers of Lux Flakes, those gentle, marvelously effective soap flakes in whose behalf we welcome you all to Hollywood and to the 126th production of the Lux Radio Theatre. Our play tonight, Dulce. Our stars, George Burns and Gracie Allen. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes. If you haven't tried the Lux way of cutting down stocking runs, the recent experience of Mrs. John Powers of Long Island may persuade you to. Here is what Mrs. Powers said. A group of us decided to make a simple test. See if we actually could cut down stocking runs by Lux washing. We each took a pair of stockings, washed one regularly with Lux Flakes. The other, we rubbed with cake soap. Then we kept careful records of runs. We found Lux cut down on runs amazingly. The average was 72 percent. Lux Flakes do cut down runs because they save the elasticity of silk. Why not try this easy Lux way of getting longer wear from your rosary? Start using Lux Flakes tonight. And now our producer, a man who for 25 years has been famous the world over for several of the greatest films in motion picture history. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. With their own romance, George Burns and Gracie Allen changed the movie formula of Boy Meets Girl, Boy Loses Girl, Boy Gets Girl, to Girl Meets Boy, Girl Gets Boy, Girl Loses Her Mind. Employed in a New Jersey office, Gracie's quota of silly answers was no higher than that of the average secretary, when George Burns came along and convinced her that they should go into Vodafil together. Four years later, George said, why don't we get married? Gracie in characteristic fashion replied, who'd have us? But in spite of that, George's civil question led to a civil ceremony. And now Gracie is not only Mrs. George Burns, she's the divine dunce of screen and radio. And was recently voted one of the best dressed women in the world. Tonight's play, Dulce, is remarkable not only for its comedy, but because it was the first conspicuous success of George S. Kaufman and Mark Connelly as writers and Lynn Fontaine as actress, as leading lady, Howard Lindsay as a director, and Elliott Nugent as an actor. Today, Mr. Lindsay is one of Paramount's ablest writers, Mr. Nugent and noted Hollywood director. But both of them become actors again as they join Burns and Allen in tonight's performance with two other film personalities who were in the original cast. Norma Lee, now Mrs. Nugent, and Wallace Clark. This evening, Gracie becomes Mrs. Dulcinea Smith, wife of that paragon of patients, Gordon Smith, played by George Burns. Mr. Nugent will be heard as William Parker, Mr. Clark as C. Roger Forbes, Norma Lee as Angela Forbes, and Mr. Lindsay as Vincent Leitch. And now, we loosen the straight jackets and let the players out of their padded cells, as the Lux Radio Theatre presents George Burns and Gracie Allen in Dulce, featuring Elliott Nugent, Wallace Clark, Norma Lee, and Howard Lindsay. It's late afternoon of a mid-summer day and a road leading out of New York City, a small blue roadster weaves quickly through the heavy traffic. At the wheel is Gordon Smith and beside him is brother-in-law, Bill Halloway. They're bound for Gordon's house in Westchester as they reach the open road, the car swerves sharply, avoiding an accident by inches. Take it easy, will you, Gordon? Sorry, I guess I'm in too much of a hurry. I'll say you are. What's the big rush? Oh, nothing. Just anxious to get home, that's all. I had a tough day at the office today. Well, you'll have a tougher one if you pile up in a ditch. That's better. Well, how's the artificial jewelry business, if any? Not so hot, Bill. No? Anything new on the Forbes merger? No, it's coming along. The deal goes through. I'll get 16 and two-thirds percent of the combine. Oh, do you... Do you think that's enough, Gordon? 16 and two-thirds? No, it isn't. But I'm up against it, and I've got to take what it gives me. Forbes is a tough customer. That's hard luck. Of course, I might be able to do something with him over the weekend. He's coming out to the house, too, you know. Your sister invited them. Yeah, so she told me. Well, Dulce always did like guests. Yeah, I know. Forbes is bringing his wife and daughter, isn't he? I guess so. I didn't know you knew them that well. Well, I don't accept Forbes in a business way. It wasn't my idea until the little woman thought of it. You know how your sister is. Oh, sure. When Dulce makes up your mind that she wants to do something, you do it. That's one of the reasons why I want to get home. If they get there ahead of us, and Dulce gets talking to them, well, anything can happen. And it always happens to me. And if I know Dulce, it'll be plenty. Step on it, Gordon. Go ahead, then, Bill. Yeah, thanks. Gee, it's good to get home. I guess they aren't here yet. I beg pardon, sir. Who are you? I'm the butler, sir. The butler? I must be in the wrong house. Oh, no, sir. Mrs. Smith engaged me this afternoon, sir. Oh, well, I'm Mr. Smith. Yes, sir. Mrs. Smith described you in some detail, sir. May I take your hat, sir? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Very good, sir. Can you imagine that? I turn my back and she hires the butler. I guess she had to make an impression on the four of us. Oh, hello, Gordon. Imagine me. You hear it certainly as a small house. We have... Who's that with you? Your brother. Oh, sure. Hello, Willie. Hello, Dulce. Oh, Gordon, darling. How are you feeling? You are, huh? Am I isn't it hard? It certainly is. Would you have a nice day at the office today? Well, not so bad. Nice and cool in here, though. Maybe that's in the kind of the cold air, but I always say it's still breezy. Doesn't blow in this room. Ring for Henry, will you, darling? I want to put these flowers in the water. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Who is this fellow, Henry? Well, Henry, why, darling, didn't you meet him? He's a butler. I know, I know. He introduced himself at the door. But who is he? Where did you get him? Well, if you promise not to tell... Yeah. He's a reform convict. What? A reform convict? Shh, not so loud. He's very sensitive. Yeah, well, so am I. And I don't like the idea of having a second-story man polishing off the silverware. Oh, he wouldn't steal anything, Gordon. He's going straight now. He hasn't taken hardly a thing since he got out of prison. When was that? Last week. I see. Well, anyway, we've got to have a butler, darling. What, Dulcey? Yeah, we're having guests, Willie. Very important guests for the weekend. Guess who's coming? The Forbes? Who told you? You did? Oh, you guessed it. Yes, LB, Mr. and Mrs. Forbes and his wife, and Angela, Angela's their daughter, you know, and sweet, why, she's just the sweetest thing. Yes, sir. Oh, Willie, what do you mean? You don't know her? Of course I do. I've known her for years. Oh. Well, what's funny about that, Dulcey? Well, he didn't know I never knew he knew. Isn't that funny? Yes, it is. Well, now let me see. The pink room for Angela and the red room for Mr. and Mrs. Forbes. I'd better have the green room made up for Skylar Van Dyke. Skylar Van Dyke? Yeah, one of the Van Dykes, and he's worth millions. Skylar Van Dyke is coming here. Yeah, he's not one. Oh, he's a marvelous man. You never think he was a Van Dyke. He's so democratic. When did you meet him? Well, this afternoon. He was a Mrs. Kennedy's. He had a lot of other invitations, but he accepted mine. But, Dulcey, having this man here with Forbes, how do you know they like each other? Oh, they will. Mr. Van Dyke's a businessman too, darling. He owns all kinds of things, railroads. Railroads, I think. Well, anyhow, it's something like railroads. He'll help entertain Mr. Forbes. Isn't that a pleasant surprise? You know, Gordon, one thing Dulcey never learned is the difference between a surprise and a shock. Oh, Willie. You're saying silly things to try to mix me up. Okay, I think I'll go upstairs and wash a little. Yeah, that's right, dear. I want you to look nice and clean for our guests. See you later. Bringing in a Mr. Van Dyke to entertain Mr. Forbes. Dulcey, Forbes isn't the kind of a man who wants to be entertained. All right, dear. Then Van Dyke can entertain Mr. Leech. Well, let's sped it. Mr. Leech? Who is Mr. Leech? Instant Leech. You know the big moving picture writer? Oh, yes. Is he coming here? Yes. Isn't that wonderful? I'm not so sure. First you invite Mr. Van Dyke, next you invite Vincent Leech. Ah, there's the secret. Look, Dulcey, let's not make a game of this. I don't... Oh, well, you see, dear, Vincent and Angela like each other. Vincent and Angela? Yes. You mean Forbes' daughter? Yes. Isn't it wonderful? So I invite them both here so they'll have the whole weekend together. You never can tell what'll happen. That's what I'm afraid of. Dulcey, you don't know Angela so well and this man, Leech. What do you know about him? I know all about him. He's a big scenario writer and just the man for Angie. He's so practical and she's single. The opposite of Mary, you know that, darling. Yes, I know that. But why are you so anxious to match this fellow Leech with Angela? What do you care about her? Oh, don't you see? Yes, I see. He can't you, can he? Yes, I can get it. All right, then I'll tell you. Good. If Angie likes Mr. Leech and Mary then... Yes. And I fixed it. Well... Well, that'll make Mr. Forbes so grateful that he'll have to give you more than 16 and two-thirds of the percentage. I wish you'd stay out of my business. Well, sure, that's what a wife's for. Now, I've seen it all out by myself. Oh, Gordon, darling, don't be upset about it. I know they ought to marry. I just know it. It's a woman's intuition. Just as I knew I ought to marry you, dear. It was because I loved you, darling and wanted to help you and... Yes, yes, yes. And you do help me, but you don't understand, dear. Try and see my position. Well, all I can see is that Mr. Forbes has taken advantage of you and I'm not going to let him. That's all. But that isn't the point and the position that I'm in. I have to go ahead with it. Don't you see, dear, if I'm not in that merger, I'll lose everything. Well, only 16 and two-thirds percent is such a funny number, too. I don't see why you couldn't get a nice even number like 25 or 50. Delcey, Delcey, Delcey, Delcey, you've got to listen to me. Let me talk to Forbes about a higher percentage. Maybe he'll act weird. Well, he might try to, but he won't get away with it. Name? Yes, sir. Just step right in, please. Come on now, woman. Yes, dear. Angela? This way, please. My, what a lovely room. Isn't it, Angela? Yes, the whole place is lovely. Nobody here. Looks like they came too early. Oh, no, sir. Mrs. Smith asked me to say that she'd be down directly. All right, all right. Not at all, sir. Excuse me, please. Nice reception. Now, please, Charlie. What do you mean? Oh, don't be a bear, Father. Try to be pleasant for once. Well, why should I? I didn't want to come down here in the first place. I could have done my business with Gordon Smith in New York. I know, dear. But a nice weekend down here in the country will be very... Weekend? What do I care about a weekend? I'm a businessman, not a playboy. You know how I despise golf and tennis and all that truck. Well, we're here now, Father, and you might as well make the best of it. I didn't care so much about coming myself, if you want to know. Oh, you didn't? No, not particularly. I'd rather have stayed in town. Oh. Well, you can see that half-baked moving picture, I suppose. My father. Oh, I know all about it. You've been seeing him almost every day, and I don't like it here. I don't like it at all. Why not? Mr. Leach is a very nice young man. Mr. Leach is a young fool. Well, how can you say that? You've never even met him. No, but I've heard about him. That was enough for me. Charlie, please don't excite yourself. You know it's bad for you. Come over here and sit down. Now, sit down right here. I hate those soft chairs. They're bad for my back. Good afternoon. Oh, Mrs. Fogg, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting. Oh, it's quite all right. And Mr. Fogg, well, how are you? Oh, all right, I guess. And Angela. How are you, Mrs. Smith? Oh, now where is Gordon? Gordon. Yes, Chelsea. Oh, there you are. Oh, hello, Mr. Fogg. Oh, hello, Mrs. Fogg. Well, did you have a nice drive out from the city, Mr. Fogg? Golfy pretty, isn't it? Yes, I guess so. Did you all come out together, or did you drive? Well, I don't know. We came through half there. Oh, that's the short way. Now you should have come the long way. That's quicker. No, no, I think that is the long way. Isn't it, heartfelt? Well, it really doesn't matter. No, no, both ways are awfully pretty. Sit down, Mr. Fogg. Thank you. Oh, no, no, not in that chair. That's the hard chair. Yeah, but I prefer the hard chair. Oh, no, no. Don't sit, Mr. Fogg. You sit right down in this nice, soft chair. Now, please. All right, now sit. Now, please. Why, Mr. Fogg? It's his back. He's been having a little trouble with it lately. Are you all right, Mr. Forbes? I hope so. Oh, of course he's all right. Nice and comfy, oh Angela. Have I a surprise for you, or will you be surprised? What, Mrs. Lin? Oh, you'll see, dear. Delcy, Delcy, please. Well, Mr. Forbes, I'm glad you could get down early. I'd like to talk over something with you. Oh, now, now, Gordon. No business, please. But, Delcy, that's what Mr. Forbes came down. No, no, dear. This is a time for play. You know, Mr. Forbes, the one thing poor Gordon has ever learned is how to play. He takes everything so seriously. Now, what I like to do is just cut loose once in a while, just feed children again. And I've got the most wonderful day planned for you, Mr. Forbes. We're going to play and play and play. Me? Well, thank you very much. But you know I- Oh, but you play golf, don't you? Well, to tell you the truth- Oh, and that's good. You love our course. It's wonderful. Yes, but I've been having a great deal of trouble with my back lately. Oh, the pro at our club will fix that up. What you need is exercise. Exercise? Yeah, you and I'll go out and play. 18 holes of golf. The first thing in the morning. But my dear Mrs. Smith. Excuse me, Mrs. Smith. Yes, Henry. Yes, Henry, what is it? Another guest is here, madam. Hey, Mr.- Oh, wait, wait, wait! Don't tell us his name. Just show him in, Henry. Very good, madam. Oh, Angela. Yes, Mrs. Smith. This is a surprise I was telling you about, Angela. Oh, who is it? Well, if you'll see in a moment, darling. In here, sir, please. Thank you. Oh, good heaven. Mrs. Smith. Oh, how do you do? Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mr. Vincent Leach, the great moving picture driver. What? Yes, Mr. Falls, Mr. Vincent Leach. How do you do, Mr. Falls? How do you do? And this is Mrs. Falls. How do you do? And this is Mrs. Smith, my husband. How do you do? Oh, and of course, you know Angela. Angela, this is a surprise. Yes, isn't it, Mr. Leach? I didn't know you were going to be here. Neither did I. What's that, Mr. Falls? Nothing, Mrs. Smith. Oh, I thought you said something. Mr. Leach, we're all so glad you could come. He's been so busy, Mr. Falls, working on his new picture. Tell him about it, Mr. Leach. Well, I'm afraid I can't just now. It's a little long, perhaps after dinner. Oh, yes, of course. But I may say without exaggeration that it will probably be the most magnificent picture of its type ever produced. Oh, how wonderful. Yes, even better than my last picture, the sacred love. I suppose everyone here saw the sacred love. Oh, I don't know. I'm very fond of Mrs. Smith. Yes, what is it? Mr. Schuyler Van Dyke. Mr. Van Dyke. Oh, no, no, no, Mr. Falls. This is just our butler. Here comes Mr. Van Dyke. How do you do, Mrs. Smith? I'm sorry to be late. Oh, don't mention it, Mr. Van Dyke. I had to make several important long-distance calls. Business, you know. Oh, of course, you captains of industry. Oh, Mr. Falls, this is Mr. Van Dyke. Me, Mr. Van Dyke. Well, how do you do? How do you do? I brought him here especially for you, Mr. Falls. Don't say, don't say. Gordon, I told you it isn't right to whisper in front of a company. Well, Gordon, will you introduce Mr. Van Dyke to everyone and everyone to Mr. Van Dyke? We're all too good friends to be strangers, you know. Well, this is Mrs. Falls. Yes, this is Mrs. Falls White, you know. And this is Angela Falls, Mr. Falls' daughter. And this is Mr. Leach, Mr. Falls' son-in-law. Don't say. Dinner is served, Mrs. Smith. Oh, dear, well, one can't do everything at once, can one? Well, come on. Don't say. Don't say. What are you laughing at? Well, I just want to put everybody in a good mood. Ah! Let's go back to the others. I'll tell you why I'll do nothing of a sort. This place is going to drive me crazy. Now, Charlie, please don't excite yourself. You know how bad it is for you after eating. Did you hear what that woman said? I've got to get up tomorrow morning and play golf. Golf. If there's one thing I hate more than anything in this world, it's golf, unless it's bridge. Oh, Charlie. If I could think of a good excuse, I'd go back to town tonight and take Angela and you with me. But, Charlie, you can't do that. Don't you suppose I see that woman's plan to throw Angela and that fool Leach together? But I tell you he's a most charming man. And I tell you, Mrs. Smith, if it weren't for Smith and our business relations, I would go back to town tonight. Mr. Falls, you know what we're going to do? We're going to play bridge. What? Mrs. Smith, I don't think I care to play bridge this evening. Oh, no, no. You businessman must have some relaxation. You remind me so of God and the poor darling. He does nothing but work. I don't suppose he's told you, Mr. Falls, but he's really got a lot of things on hand. Well, what do you mean? Well, you might just as well know. It isn't only the pearl business. He has lots of other interests, too. What's that? It's really asking too much to make him give up all these other things to come into the jewelry merger. That is, unless it were made worth his while. Of course, if he only got 16 and two-thirds percent, he couldn't afford to give up all his time to it. Oh, no, he'd have to look after his other interests, too. And you'd be the loser. Oh, I see. Yeah, I thought you would. Are you coming, Mrs. Falls? Oh, yes, Mrs. Smith. Well, how are you, then? We're going to start the game. Oh, hello, Mr. Falls, all alone. Yes, Mrs. Smith. I'd like to have a word with you. Of course. Smith. Yes? Your wife has just been telling me something of your other business activities. Other business activities? Yeah, and it came as something of a revelation to me. I don't understand. Well, as you may have been aware, my agreement to admit you on a 16 and two-thirds percent basis was founded on the expectation that you would give all your time to the new enterprise. Yes, of course, Mr. Falls. Well, in the circumstances, your business and your services would hardly be worth that amount to me. No, I think we shall have to lower your percentage. But, Mr. Falls, you don't understand. I think I do. And now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go and play bridge. Oh, I'm sunk. I'm sunk. Dulcey. Dulcey, where are you? Yes, gardener. Well, come here quick. Oh, gardener, I've got news for you. Wait a minute, wait a minute, Dulcey. Oh, but it can't late there. I must tell you. Dulcey, please. Mrs. Falls, just tell me that Mr. Falls never plays bridge. Well, what of it? What of it? Why, gardener, don't you see? He's out there now, ready to play. That means he likes this. He likes this garden. Everything's going to be wonderful. In a moment, we'll go on with Dulcey. But now, let's listen in on a typical Luxe home. Young Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, who have been married just a month, are giving a party in their new home. Now, let's have some of the old-time favorites in this book. Yes. If you don't mind that, I'd rather not play any more. Oh, please, honey. Oh, well, what's the matter? I'd rather play like that. I can't imagine. Let me go see what the trouble is. So Betty's friend Ruth, who is a newlywed herself, goes into the bedroom. She finds Betty crying, sits down beside her, and tries to comfort her. What's wrong, Betty? Tell me. Oh, it's nothing, Ruth, only. Only while I was playing the piano, you all seemed to be sparing at my horrid old dishpan hand. I hate looking like such a drudge. You poor little kid. Don't you know your hand's needn't look that way? Six months of dishwashing hasn't hurt my hands a bit. How do you do it? The easiest way in the world. I use luxe flakes in the dishpan. They're so gentle, it's a regular beauty treatment every time I wash the dishes. Just try, luxe, Betty. Your hands will be white and smooth again in no time. Remember, pure, gentle luxe flakes haven't any harmful alkali. They won't dry up the precious oils of the skin. And luxe is inexpensive, too. Luxe flakes for all your dishes cost less than one cent a day. Mr. DeMille continues. On with our story, Delcey, starring George Burns and Gracie Allen. After carefully patching up the damage done by Delcey, Gordon was able to convince Mr. Forks that his percentage of the merger should not be lower. But there's more trouble brewing. It's a few hours later and Delcey is alone in the living room. The door opens and Vincent, Vincent Leach and Angela enter excitedly. Speak to you. Yes, we want you to help us. Why, Mr. Leach, Angela, is there anything wrong? Mrs. Smith, Vincent and I are in love. In love? In love? Oh, Angela, Angela, Mr. Leach. Oh, if this isn't the most wonderful thing I've ever heard, why, it's wonderful, that's all I can say. Oh, I'm so happy I could cry. Good news affects me that way. Oh, Vincent, I may call you Vincent now, may I? Of course. Mrs. Smith, we're going to need your help. Oh, yes, darling, of course. It's a secret and you must promise that you won't tell anyone. Oh, I know, I wouldn't tell a soul. Well, we're going to elow. Elow? Tonight. Tonight? You mean run away and get married? Well, that's just marvelous. Oh, now remember, you're not to tell us. Oh, I know, I wouldn't tell anybody. No, how soon are you going? Oh, just as soon as we can. Aren't we, Vincent? Yes, if we can get away. Of course, of course. Oh, I'm so excited to do what to do next. Oh, Willie, Vincent and Angela are going to elow. And Willie won't tell anybody either, will you, Willie? You're going to elope, Angela, with Mr. Leach? Yes. No, I won't tell a soul. Oh, there you are, Angela. Thank you, Bill. Yeah. Where are you going to elope to? Why, uh, where were we, Vincent? Well, I hadn't thought about it just yet. Well, there are lots of places. Oh, sure. How about a marriage license? Why, uh, I don't know. Vincent. Well, I thought we might find one suddenly. Oh, Willie. Willie, you could help them some way, couldn't you? You know where to get a license and everything. Why, uh, yes. As a matter of fact, I'll be glad to drive them there. Oh, now, you see, that's just why I told them all. Everything is just breaking out beautifully. And I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll, um, we'll, um, what do we suggest, Willie? Is, uh, everything ready? Oh, we just have to get our bags. They just have to get their bags. Vincent, now you go find Mrs. Forbes and tell her, and then we'll all meet in the garage, and I'll go up and get Angela's things for her. Wait a minute. Oh, hurry, Vincent. The less speed, the more haste. There's something, you know. All right. I'll see you in the garage in about three minutes. Don't keep me waiting. Oh, we won't. Well, now that's it. I'll go up and get the things. Oh, I'll go with you. Oh, no, no. I'll bring everything out to the garage. If anybody sees me, they won't suspect. You know, I'm so excited. It's just, well, it's just like times of old when nights were bold. Well, are you all ready for the elopement, Angela? Bill Parker, I think, I think you're just horrid. Speaking to me? You know very well I am. Oh, you don't mean it. I'm really being very good to you, helping you out in this way. Well, well, you don't have to be so happy about it. After all, we, we are old friends. Yeah, that's why I'm glad. You, uh, you're glad, aren't you? That has nothing to do with it. Of course I am. Oh, you're just impossible. Angela, you told me once that, that I'd never change. Well, you were right. I never have changed, especially about you. Well, I don't care whether you have or not. I think you're positively helpless. I guess I am. Well, let's get going, shall we? Dear, in the garden. Well, what are you doing out here? Watching the stars. It's a beautiful night, isn't it, Charlie? So calm and peaceful. Peaceful. You know, that woman is enough to drive a man crazy. Say, is that our car? Where, dear? Well, going out the drive. See it? Oh, it couldn't be ours, darling. No? Oh, where's Angela? I don't know. I haven't seen her since dinner. Out gallivanting with that Saxonolio writer, I suppose. Do you mean Mr. Leach? Yes, I mean Mr. Leach. And I want to tell you something. If I find this Leach person actually making love to Angela, I'm going to raise blazes. Now, Charlie. I've had nothing but a series of aggravations and annoyances ever since I came into this house. Eleanor, I can truthfully say that in all my 53 years, I have never spent an unhappy evening. Oh, Charlie. Yeah, but I'm not going to spend another. I'm not going to stay here and play golf and breach. Well, what are you going to do? I'm going home. Charlie. I'm going upstairs and pack right now. Charlie. I won't be for long. You wanted to stay? Yeah. I said I'm going to my room. Oh, that's right. Get a good night's rest, so you'll be nice and fresh for tomorrow. Mrs. Smith, I am not going to play golf tomorrow. Oh, no, none of us are. We've changed our plans, Mr. Ford. We're going horseback riding. Horseback? Yes, yes. Isn't that a wonderful idea? Good night, Mrs. Oh, Mrs. Forbes. Mrs. Forbes, have you heard the news? Oh, but you couldn't have, could you? It only just happened. Well, what has just happened? Oh, Vincent and Angela, they've eloped. What? Yes, just a minute ago, they took your car. Eloped? You'd be thrilled. And it's all my doing, every bit of it. And what makes it more exciting is the secret, too. Mrs. Smith, do you know what you've done? Oh, that's all right. You can thank me later. He'll never forgive you. Never. Who, Vincent? No. My husband. But he didn't elope with your husband. Try to understand, Mrs. Smith. My husband hates Mr. Leach. Well, this is a fine time to say a thing like that. How was I supposed to know? He never said anything. This is the finish, Mrs. Smith. We're leaving here just as soon as our car is returned. Oh, but you can't. You mustn't. Mr. Smith hasn't settled anything about the merger yet. No. And I'm afraid he never will. Good night, Mrs. Smith. You mustn't cry like that, Mrs. Smith. Oh, I can't help it. You don't know what happened. Yes, I do. I just heard Mr. Ford storming about it upstairs. You couldn't help but hear him. Oh, Mr. Van Dyke, isn't it awful? Isn't it terrible? Nothing is so terrible that it can't be mended. Oh, but the merger, it may be all off. I don't know what Gordon will do. Mrs. Smith, I like your husband very much. Oh, do you? Tell me, would he be willing to get up his own merger, one bigger than Mr. Forbes ever dreamt of? Why, well, I never thought of that, but Mr. Forbes has all the money and Gordy hasn't any. That's it, exactly. Now, I've always wanted to take a little flyer in the jewelry business. Suppose I financed Mr. Smith. Suppose he and I set out to beat Mr. Forbes together. How would that be? It would be the biggest thing that ever happened in this house. Do you really mean it? I certainly do. I'll put up my check the moment your husband says the word. Oh, Mr. Van Dyke, you've made me the happiest woman in all the world. Oh, you let me break the news to him, won't you? Why, of course, if you wish. Oh, and to think I introduced you to him. Oh, now what will he think of me? Say that again, Mr. Van Dyke. Of course. I said that your wife has interested me very much in this proposition, and I've told her that I'm willing to finance a combination to beat Forbes and his crowd with you at the head of it. Oh, he's just waiting for you to say the word, darling. I, why, I, I, I can't believe it. But it's true, it is dear. Why, it's, it's, it's too good to be true. I could get rid of Forbes and put my business in for what it's worth. Oh, yes, oh, God. I really could do big things. I'll be back financially by the Van Dyke interest. Exactly, Mr. Smith. Oh, excuse me. Oh, come in, Forbes. We were just talking about you, Mr. Forbes. I'm compelled to make a little announcement. I merely wish to tell you on top of everything else that my wife's diamond necklace has disappeared. It's a pie, Eric. In view of the fact that it took place in this house, I thought you might have a sentimental interest. Don't you dare accuse Henry of stealing anything. Delcy, Henry. Who's Henry? Delcy, quiet. No, Gordon, I'm not going to stand here and listen to him make insinuating remarks about my servant. Henry is perfectly honest. His honesty has been proven. He's been paroled seven times. Well, that's very interesting. Where is this man? Well, he's not here. I, he asked me if I'd let him take the evening off and I said yes. Thank you, Mrs. Smith. You've been a great help. Mr. Forbes, please, we'll get the necklace back. And if we don't, I'll make good for it. Now let's sit down and talk it over. There's nothing to talk over. And in the circumstances, I don't see how we can possibly go into business together. I don't like your methods. The merger is definitely off. But Mr. Forbes. I'm sorry, but that's my decision. Wait, Mr. Forbes. Before you freeze me out, I want to tell you that Mr. Van Dyke here has agreed to back me in an independent merger. A bigger one than yours. What? Yes, Mr. Forbes, I have. But I am. Now, am I still out? Yes, Mr. Smith, you are. Very well. Then I'm going to line up with Mr. Van Dyke and fight you. Fight you through one of us's force to the wall. I'll teach you to take advantage of me. Advantage? Who took advantage of you? You did. By offering me less than you know my business was worth. Why, you knew I was in a hole, and now you're going to get just what you deserve. You're going to get a first rate licking. Oh, Gordy! All right. Make your fine speeches. But when you talk about fighting, don't forget that I can fight, too. And before you win, you're going to know that you've been in a real fight. Remember that. You know, I think he's mad, Gordy. Mr. Smith. Allow me to congratulate you. You told him what was what, straight from the shoulder. Thank you, Mr. Van Dyke. And I'm sure we'll get along splendidly. Well, of course we will. And now I'll say good night. I've had a hard day at my brokers, and I'm very tired. Good night, Mrs. Smith. Oh, good night, and thank you. Not at all, not at all. Oh, Gordy, you were wonderful. I feel like a new man. Oh, you see, I was of some use after all. Use. You were magnificent. The best. The finest little wife in the world. Oh, wasn't it lucky my fighting, Mr. Van Dyke? Lucky. It was an inspiration. Well, and I am a real helpmate. I should say you are. Oh, Gordy. Well, now who could that be? Well, I'll answer it. Good evening, Mr. Smith. Good evening. I'm sorry to intrude like this, but it's rather important. My name is Patterson. Blair Patterson. Oh, the attorney. Yes. Well, come in. Thank you. I was referred to you by Mrs. Kennedy. Oh, across the street? Yes. She said that you had guests. I just wondered if, among them, there was a Mr. Morgan. Morgan? Oh, I know. Well, is there Mr. Paul? No, no. He's not here either. Mr. Vanderbilt? Mr. Vanderbilt? Oh, no. Well, let me ask you, is one of your guests, Paul, good-looking, interested in various, uh, investments? Oh, you mean Skylar Van Dyke? Skylar Van Dyke. Yes. I think I do mean Skylar Van Dyke. Mm-hmm. I'm his cousin. I, uh, I've come for him. Come for him? Yes. His real name is Patterson, Horace Patterson. He has an hallucination that he's a millionaire. What? You mean he's crazy? Yes, a little, but, uh, harmless, I assure you. Don't say he's crazy. Skylar Van Dyke is crazy. Skylar Van Dyke is crazy. Well, then the company that he was... I mean, the merger, the merger that he had the money for, the merger that it is, that I made it for, it... We pause for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. This is KNX, the Columbia station, Los Angeles. Our momentary break in Dulce. While George Burns and Gracie Allen prepare for the next stanza of our play. Here in Hollywood, Ms. Hedder Hopper, one of the screen's brighter comedians, is as successful socially as she is professionally. Her charming sophistication and delightful wit make her a popular guest at most screen colony functions. The end of the Lenten season has been the occasion for Hollywood's annual display of spring finery. And I've asked Ms. Hopper to report tonight on what she's seen from the reviewing stand of Stardom's Easter Parade. Our guest is appearing in three films now in production. Topper, Dangerous Holiday, and Vogue's of 1938. Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Hedder Hopper. Thank you so much, Mr. DeMille. Hollywood's Easter Parade really began Saturday night with the dinner given by Mr. and Mrs. Basil Rathbone to celebrate their 11th, when again, anniversary. All the guests came as brides and grooms. And prizes were worn by Freddie March and his wife as Mr. and Mrs. Caveman, wearing a bit of tired leopard skin. And by Loretta Young as the bride of Mephistopheles, Molly Nedetrick put on her tails and top hat and tucked Mrs. Lubich under her arm. Myrna Loyner husband Arthur Hornblow came as peasants with headdresses three feet high, while Mr. and Mrs. Misha Our became for the evening Mr. and Mrs. Misha Mouse. It was a typical Rathbone party, which means that about every important star in Hollywood was there. And what's more, had a grand and glorious time. And a shade for breakfast? No, we adjourned for ham and eggs to the home of Adrian, the noted designer. There again were all the stars, this time in their street costumes. And I must say that in their gay prints and tailor maids, they looked like old fashioned bouquets. Both Maureen O'Sullivan and Rosalind Russell proved how popular the new large black hats are, with their long bright colored ribbons flowing down the back. Maureen wore a black print dress, splashed with brilliant colors, and Rosalind's dress resembled a mass of tulips. One of the guests of honor was the Ronnie of Sarawak, wife of the Raja. But she preferred her traditional East Indian costume with many gold chains, jewels, and bracelets. I've been in Hollywood a good many years now, and watched it become universally recognized as a fashion center. The annual studio cost for clothes is staggering. As you know, each has its own designers creating their individual styles. For competition is just as keen in them as in stories and stars. Yet when it comes to protecting this investment, every major studio seems to follow the same procedure. They all use Lux Flakes. All the major wardrobe departments here in Hollywood have the same reason I myself have. It's a very practical one, too. Lux Flakes keep clothes new looking so much longer. Colors emerge as they go in when you use Lux. And now, thank you very much, and goodbye. Thank you, Miss Upper. Dulcey, starring George Burns and Gracie Allen. It's early the next morning, and Blair Patterson, the lawyer who brought the calamitous news of Mr. Van Dyke's hallucinations, is in the living room, straightening out his rumpled clothes after spending the night on the sofa. Down the stairs comes the happily demanded Mr. Van Dyke, singing cheerfully. Hello, Horace. Oh, my Blair, what in the world are you doing here? Oh, I just dropped in to say hello. You can't fool me. You've come to make me leave. It's very, very embarrassing, Blair. Well, if it's embarrassing for you, what do you think it is for me? I have a law practice to attend to. I'm getting a little tired of these excursions. I wish you'd leave me alone. At least half a dozen times during the past few years you've interrupted me in business negotiations that were exceedingly interesting. You've been up to something here, Horace. Well, yes. I've been representing my Van Dyke interest. We had all sorts of wonderful things planned. My share alone would have been eight and a half millions. Besides, if we were going to play golf and go horseback riding, I love horses. Horace, how many times have I told you that I represent the Van Dyke interest? Now you must let me handle it. You come back to town with me and we'll talk it over. But I can't leave now. I'm sorry, Horace, but you know our agreement. Unless you do as I say, I'll never go through with that $200 million airplane company of ours. All right, Blair. Good morning. Good morning, Mrs. Smith. Well, how do you feel this morning, Mr. Van Dyke? Very melancholy. I'm afraid I must go back to town. Oh, well, that's too bad. Still, it's all for the best. You must have some breakfast first, though. Thank you, thanks. I'll go and have it right away. It's hard to do high finance on an empty stomach. He can't have breakfast, can he, Mr. Patterson? Oh, yes. Well, I had some soft-boiled eggs prepared for him, some soft milk toast, all very soft, you know. Is that all right? Oh, yes, yes. I think that'll be very nice, Mrs. Smith. Thank you. No, don't mention it, Mr. Patterson. I owe hello, garden darling. Oh, good morning, Mr. Patterson. Good morning, Mr. Smith. Have you seen your cousin? Yes, we had quite a talk. By the way, you haven't mentioned anything to your guests, have you? I mean, it would be rather embarrassing. Oh, nobody knows a thing. So far as they know, he's Skylar Van Dyke himself. Fine, fine. That's fine. Well, thank you very, very much. And now I think I'd better go and keep an eye on him. You never can tell what big margin he'll attempt next. Yes. Excuse me, Mrs. Smith. Oh, certainly. Tellsie. Yes, dear? Tellsie, I want to speak to you. Yes, of course. What about, darling? What about? Do you realize what's happened? Well, I don't know. I think, oh, garden, I didn't mean to. Wait, wait. Yes, darling. Do you know what Forbes is going to say to me when he learns who Van Dyke really is? No. He's going to laugh in my face. I'll never get him to change his mind about the merger now. He thinks he's been made a fool of and he's right. But we haven't really done anything to him just because we asked for more. Oh, it wasn't our asking for more. Oh, you mean the Jewel of Disappearing. Yes, and his daughter disappearing, too. Oh, it was me again. Oh, it was me as usual. Oh, garden, how will it all end? If Forbes finds out that Van Dyke is crazy, he'll probably force me out of business. I'll have to start all over again. Without, without a cent. And without me? Tellsie, I love you. I'll always love you. But you're like a child. You don't stop to think. Well, I guess I don't garden. I only think I think. Darling, I'll, I'll let you go if, if you want me to. I'm, I'm just all wrong. I'm a false note. I've always wondered how I was able to make a man like you care for me. It, it, it seems so silly for a man like you ever to love a false note. You'll see, you're not a false note. You're a melody. Oh, hold tune. But oh, I don't know what to do. Well, maybe I can reform. I doubt it. Oh, garden, please let me try. I'll promise that I'll never interfere with your business affairs again. I'll, I'll change completely. I'll revolutionize myself. Tellsie, I don't want you to change. I love you just as you are. I simply want you to let me handle my own affairs in my own way. If you can promise to do that. Oh, yes, yes, garden. I promise and I'll keep it till I will. Thank you, Dulcy. I hope I'm not wrong this time. Good morning, Mrs. Smith. Oh, Mr. Forbes, I've been looking for you. Really? Mrs. Smith, I, I have a slight apology to make. We, we found my wife's necklace. Oh, there you see. Your butler found it and put it away for safekeeping. He returned it to Mrs. Forbes this morning. Oh, I'm so glad. Now I have an apology too, Mr. Forbes. I'm, I'm sorry about the elopement, Mr. Forbes. And I'm, I'm sorry about the business deal too, but it's going to come out all right. I should think it would for your husband, backed by the Van Dyke million. The Van Dyke million, but Mr. Forbes. As a matter of fact, I'm inclined to regret my hasty decision of last night. If I had known before that Mr. Van Dyke was interested. Oh, for that's just it. He isn't interested. I mean he is, but he can't be. What is all this? Well, you see, Gordon will go in with you after all, because Mr. Van Dyke, well, Mr. Van Dyke just isn't Mr. Van Dyke. What, what's that? No, he has something wrong in his head. He only thinks he's a millionaire. Oh, I see. So everything's all right now, isn't it? Oh yes, yes, splendid. Yes. Where's your husband now, Mr. Forbes? Well, he's in the library. Would you like to see him? Yes, very much. Well, come along. It's right this way, Mr. Forbes. Oh, I just knew everything would turn out all right. Oh, here we are. Delcey, what did you say? A great deal, Mr. Smith. She told me about Mr. Van Dyke. She took? Did you, Delcey? Of course, dear. I told you I'd straighten everything out. You certainly have. Well, Mr. Forbes, then, of course, you know that Mr. Van Dyke... Yeah, I know. But it won't work, Mr. Smith. It won't work. Oh, I'll admit that Mrs. Smith is a clever woman. A very clever woman. But it won't work. A Van Dyke, not a Van Dyke. Well, but Mr. Forbes is really handsome. Shut up, Delcey. Oh, yes, sir. I saw through the whole thing at once, Mr. Smith. You began to be sorry you told me about the Van Dyke merger, and you wanted to throw me off the trail. Well, you can't do it. I know what's in the wind, and I'm going to hold you to our agreement. Agreement? Well, it was a verbal agreement. Now, as a gentleman, you agreed to come in with me for 16 and two-thirds percent, and you've got to do it. You've got to come in with me. Oh, well, all right, Mr. Forbes. I guess you win. Oh, there, garden dinner. Charlie, I'll text you for you. Charlie? Charlie? Where are you? Here I am, Eleanor. What do you want? Oh, Charlie. She's here. Who? Who's here? Angela. She's come back. Oh, how nice. Angela, eh? Well, I want to speak to her. Hello, father. Come here. Where have you been? Oh, father. What a question. Oh, Angela, dear, are you married? Oh, you did it, eh? Where's your husband? Yes, Angela, where's your husband? Good morning, everybody. Oh, hello, Belle. Hello, Willie. Where's Vincent? Where's Mr. Leach? Oh, Angela, tell us. I don't know, Mrs. Smith. You don't know? Well, isn't that fine. Well, Willie, for heaven's sake, what's happened to him? Well, it's a long story, Dulcey. Look here, young man. You helped to arrange this wedding, didn't you? Yes, Mr. Forbes. Well, don't you know where the groom is? Sure. I'm the groom. Oh, Charlie. Are you the groom? Willie, say that again. Certainly. I am the groom. Well, congratulations. Well, congratulations. Congratulations. Now, just a second, young man. Are you a genius? No, sir. Well, are you a writer of any kind? Salt or description? I should say no. Boy, he's a broker, Mr. Forbes, and isn't it wonderful that that makes everything all right, doesn't it? Well... But what about Mr. Leach, Willie? Where is he? I don't know. You see, we started from here all right last night, but down the road of peace, I suddenly thought my tail light was out. Well, Mr. Leach was kind enough to investigate for me, and somehow or other, the car started off without him. Young fellow, you're all right. And down clever, too. Well, he's my brother. What would you expect? And wasn't it wonderful that I happened to invite him down here for this party? Oh, so this is what you were working for, underneath all that leach business? What? Well, uh, yes and no. Oh, I'm afraid you don't understand women very well, Mr. Forbes. Yeah, I'm afraid I don't. But isn't it marvelous? Angela, a married woman, and Willie, a married man. Oh, I could almost cry. But Mr. Forbes, about that merger, you know, sixty and two-thirds percent isn't very much for a relation, uh, brother-in-law. Well, I, uh, I wasn't very generous about that deal, or very just either. Yes, Smith? Yes, sir? What do you say to coming in with me for twenty percent? Twenty? Oh, Mr. Forbes! All right, then. All right. If that's not enough, we'll make it twenty-five. Twenty-five? If she be quiet, twenty-five satisfies me. Oh, does it well, if it satisfies you, Gardenetta satisfies me? I didn't mean to interfere, dear, and I never will again. You know the old saying, a burnt child dead at the fire? Well, I've been dead, I mean, burned, and once dead and twice caught, I mean, oh, well, you get the idea, don't you, darling? And that, ladies and gentlemen, brings down the curtain on our play, but not on Burns and Allen, who returned for an encore a little later. As you have seen, we were concerned tonight with a party that almost turned out all wrong. And now we're going to extend our stage from Hollywood to New York for a little while. We'll take you to New York for a little advice from a hostess famous the world over, because her party's always turned out all right, Miss Elsa Maxwell. Miss Maxwell has entertained notables the world over. There's hardly a famous person she doesn't know. Right now, she's finishing preparations to attend the coronation in England. And so, to check up on the ways of a perfect hostess, we take you to New York and Elsa Maxwell. We expectedly introduced Noel Coward to Queen Mary of Romania, the party. We certainly were as opposite as the polls, but they got on so well that a majesty at last turning a reflective eye on the witty author said, why couldn't you become my gentleman in waiting? Noel delighted replied, I fear that would be no novel to your majesty. I have been waiting all my life, but not in Romania flashed her majesty, and Noel was floored. Don't think it takes a lot of money to run a good party. It's having fun that matters, and fun is the same anywhere, whether you're on Main Street or Park Avenue. You can afford a million dollars, and you can afford it just as well on $25 a week as on $2500. After all, the nicest things in life don't cost the most. That goes for Lux Flakes, too. They're used in my house, and there isn't anything finer, yet you can buy them for a few cents. Women who dress on nothing a year or women who spend thousands are all fans for Lux Flakes. Lux keeps dresses and lingerie from looking old and tired. Pet is a thing that makes parties go. It's more important than money. Now, I've given parties on a shoestring all my life. All you need is an idea which allows people to escape from their everyday selves. You can ask people to come dress as their opposites, or as their selves or their pet hates or anything. A successful party is as simple as that. One of the best times I ever had was when I went to a stag party dressed as Professor Albert Einstein. I talked with a German accent all evening, until the party was over, Groucho Marx and Clark Gable, two of my most intimate friends, actually didn't know who I was. The following night, I met the great scientist at Charlie Chaplin. He frowned at me. Well, I hate you but me last night. Physically, yes, but not mentally, Herr Doctor, I replied trembling. Perhaps it was better the other way he funded, and I felt crushed. Remember, for bigger and better parties, let your guests escape from their trouble. Have a surprise up your sleeve, and don't feel you have to be extravagant, and I'll guarantee the best party in the world. Thank you, and goodbye. From Hollywood, Miss Maxwell, we send our transcontinental thanks. George Burns tells me that Gracie has something very nice to say about our product. So here they are, ladies and gentlemen, George Burns and Gracie Allen. Thank you, Mr. DeMille. I certainly have something nice to say about Lux Flakes. I think they're delicious. Delicious? Lux Flakes, delicious? Yes, my brother had them for breakfast this morning. Is he mad? Well, he must be. He was foaming at the mouth. Don't pay any attention to her, Mr. DeMille. She's nuts. She's probably the only woman in the world who's living with a cracked brain. Oh, please, George. Mr. DeMille isn't interested in who I married. I see. Mr. DeMille, I made up a play. Here it is. See what it says? Rotten by Gracie Allen. It's got to be a... Rotten by Gracie Allen? Gracie, if it were my play, it wouldn't say Rotten. Well, no, neither would the critics say Play Rotten by George Burns. I say. Rotten, Rotten. Gracie, you don't know English. Oh, Mr. DeMille, you don't know George's plays. Thank you. What's the name of your play? Well, it's the love story called You mean Life Begins at 40? Well, that's what it was originally, Mr. DeMille, but my agent took off 10%. Yes. You see, our agent must be on a diet. Well, anyhow, George and I will act it out and you see if it has any possibilities. Now, George, you and I are lovers and I start to make love to you. And what character do I play? Well, you play the part of a club man. Well, you mean a large man. Well, not too large, not too small. I say. Sort of... I call it Ray, a movie extra, and George, your man gum reward my lover. Thanks. And your jealous of your rival says Roboc. I suppose he comes driving up in his catalog. Yes. Let's start this silly play. Now watch it, Mr. DeMille. Yes. All right, George, here's your part. Act. All right, now for some acting. Do you love me, Vi? Vi, do you love me? Well, Vi shouldn't I love you. Ah, men are fools to love. So what did you say, Montgomery? I said, men are fools to love. Well, I guess you're right, but who else is there for us girls to love? That's very good, Gracie, but we did one play tonight. Oh, did we? Good night, Mr. DeMille. Come on, Gracie. I know why George burns. Thank you, George Burns and Gracie Allen. Ladies and gentlemen, this is your announcer, Melville Ruick. A most important message concerning next week's program will be given by Mr. DeMille in just a moment. Assisting our stars tonight were John Davidson as Skyler Van Dyke, Victor Rodman as Blair Patterson, Joe Franz as Henry, and Leora Thatcher as Mrs. Forbes. Burns and Allen will be seen next in the Paramount picture, Artists and Models. Mr. DeMille also appeared through courtesy of Paramount Louis Silver's 20th Century Fox, where he was in charge of music for the new film 50 Roads to Town. Now before Mr. DeMille tells you about next week's presentation of the Lux Radio Theatre, we have a brief announcement. Next Monday, April 5th, marks the beginning of a very important week, National Retail Grocers Week. Be sure to go personally to your grocers during that week. You will be well repaid. Splendid values will be featured generally over a wide list of products which you use regularly. Incidentally, you will find in the great majority of stores from coast to coast special values on Lux Flakes and Lux Toilet Soap. Once again, our producer. Of the many novels written against a background of the World War, few carry such tremendous appeal as Ernest Hemingway's Masterpiece, A Farewell to Arms. It made a remarkable play as adapted by Lauren Stallings. A sensational motion picture. And next Monday night, from the Lux Radio Theatre, we bring you this magnificent love story starring one of the most celebrated personalities the screen has ever known, Mr. Clark Gable. We shall hear Mr. Gable as Lieutenant Henry and I'm especially happy to announce that we've secured Miss Josephine Hutchinson for the part of Nurse Catherine Barclay and Adolf Manjoo for Rinaldi. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, join me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night, when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Clark Gable, Josephine Hutchinson and Adolf Manjoo in A Farewell to Arms. This is Cecil B. DeMille saying good night to you from Hollywood. Monday night, our Clark Gable, Josephine Hutchinson and Adolf Manjoo in Ernest Hemingway's brilliant story A Farewell to Arms. This is your announcer, Mel DeRue bidding you good night on behalf of our sponsors, our stars and guests. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.