 Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Vans. My name is Kevin. Sorry, I tend to just read what's in front of me. Um, I am alive. Ubisoft trailer. God damn it, Kevin, please. You've done like a thousand videos, you can do this. Ooh, okay. Today, we're looking at I Am Alive, which you might remember from this pretty iconic trailer back in 2008. Come on, Adam. You know what we want. You don't stand a chance. Do you remember this trailer? Do you? I remember doing the rounds and it kind of blew a lot of people's minds. It looked pretty insane. What the hell is wrong with this chin there? Hold on. Maybe just an unflattering angle. I'm not sure. Six days earlier and it shows this lovely city. Look at him. He's on his way to chin industries or whatever, where every works. I don't know, an accountancy. Then big, big earthquake thingy, a building fall, and that's kind of it really. I remember the trailer very vividly and I think the game looked amazing and I never really saw any more of it after that. So we're going to take a look at the game itself eight years and I still remember this trailer. The greatest trailer for the most disappointing game ever made. Well, I'll be the judge of that. I have operating system not supported. Well, I'll be the judge of that. There's no one more fitting to decide what the most disappointing game of all time is. I am the most disappointing human of all time and also I play disappointing game of all the time so it's a perfect mix. It's like me when I start my videos. Why is he vlogging? I don't understand. Okay, his vlog is over now. I can actually play as him. That's what happens when this video ends by the way. You get to play as me. Sucks to be you. Well, to be me. It sucks to be you being me. Got him. Find a way to your old apartment. Does he really think it's going to be okay? Wait, where's my big chin? Ah, for fuck's sake. They nerfed my chin before release. I hate when companies do that. They promise you all the chin in the world and any game releases and there's not even half a chin. Look at the state of the bridge and he thinks his apartment is going to be okay. He's looking down. He's like, I am alive, but will I be alive in a second? The music is kicking up. That might mean I'm in danger. I guess my stamina is running out. Okay, I can come up here and relax. Okay, music gone. Maybe it was just an approaching band and then they took a different turn when the bridge was out. When do I get to throw water on the ground and make people fall? That's what I want to do. I want to be like the guy in the trailer. Granted, I'll have less chin, but I've learned to accept that. For fuck's sake. Why are their ladders like this? Why wouldn't they just go straight up? Why are they all over the place? I have no idea why either, but climbing consumes stamina, right? That makes sense. But climbing a ladder takes the exact same amount of stamina. Like, surely you could take a little bit of a rest, right? You've no more stamina. Tap to perform an extreme effort. Okay, it's just a ladder dude. Relax. Oh, I got beans. Eat the beans. Nice. That was good. I still have that water bottle. I'm going to throw it on the floor in a while and kill some people. It's going to be unbelievable, just like the trailer. Look at the state of the city and he's still like, can't wait to get to my apartment. I'm going to watch the Simpsons and eat beans. Wait, what was that? Oh my God, he was just floating there for a second. God, he's obsessed with ladders. No matter where he is, he spots a ladder and he just wants to go on it. I don't even know why we're going down here. There must be an easier way. Like, we're crossing where there's an actual waterfall. Could we not go upstream a bit? Look how calm it looks up there. I don't think the water is even moving. Like, there's a boat over there and it's just still. I guess it is his game and he's the protagonist. He wants to look cool on front of us. So he picked the most challenging spot that he knows he could do. Not great. Not only do I have to cross a bridge, I have to go through a sewer. Fantastic. Wait. Retry. Wait, did I do it or not? I don't understand. Why did I ask? Okay, I think I did it. I don't know why it asked me to retry. Find a way to your old apartment. Well, I'm in the sewer. I'll just come straight up the toilet. I don't want any trouble. Oh, hello, who are you? Hey. Put down your gun. I don't have any bullets. I'm sorry. I don't know why I threatened you like that. Imagine that you pull a gun at someone. They just pull out their own and start walking towards you. I'm gonna kick your ass. What? Why old man? You can't even see me. There's no way you could see me. Oh, he sat down. He went from, I'm gonna kick your ass to just tired. Run, run. He went back to sitting down. Oh, for fuck's sake, who are you? All right. I got gun. I'm just spamming the trigger so you can tell I have no ammo. Hold on. I got a bottle of water here. Hold on. I'm gonna use it like I did in the trailer. Hold on. All right, I drank it. Are you scared at all? Okay. I've lost the fight. I have nothing to loot. I don't know what you're pretending to loot off me. I'm not worth a bullet. You're right. That's an empty gun. Wait, no. God, I'm so embarrassed for a second there. How did I surprise you guys, honestly? Oh, the way he died. No, I didn't mean to do that. Wait, where did the body go from earlier? Oh, there it is. The body was mine. Oh, my God. It's like some sort of time loop. Like, he has a gun. Why is he just walking towards me? Why isn't he just shooting me? I don't understand. I'm backing all the way off the street. I know I shouldn't be doing this. Wait, now he's there shooting me? Why come so close? Oh, my God. That was a cool move. I shocked him. He just froze with terror. There we go. You picked up a bullet. Wait, what? What was that? Oh, oh, I scared him. I can't really hear you, sir. I don't know what you're saying. All right, he's gone. I don't need to worry about him anymore. The way they burst down that fence, I bet they thought that would look so cool. Picked up painkillers. Oh, good timing. I don't think any painkiller in the world is strong enough what I've been through. Then again, I have water. That didn't help really at all. Ah, this is more like it. Proper first aid kit. Yes, I'm all better. Turns out I was wrong. I just needed slightly stronger painkillers. And I'm fresh as a daisy. All right, I'm going to get attacked here. Who are you? Yet. Let me just pull a gun on these people. You need one first aid to help the victim. No, I want to kill. Oh, God, why can I not kill you? He's not even in pain. Look at him. Well, he's in pain, but a different sort of pain. A pain that says, I am alive, but I wish I weren't because I exist in this stupid world. But I think everyone in this game has that same face. Are you going for help? Yeah, I'm going for help. Don't make me nervous. Okay, I'll just leave. Good Lord. Why are you just sitting on your doorstep to threaten people to pass? You're just looking for trouble. I think I'm almost back to my apartment. Again, I have no idea why I'm even attempting to go back here. All right, I'm home. At least the building's still standing. That's a surprise in itself. Somehow. Some others are just leveled, but this one's fine. All right. Inside, it doesn't look as fresh, but that's okay. Just spruce the place up a bit. It's got a nice open plan. Throw a coat of paint on it. Maybe install a living room toilet. It's all the rage in France. I would assume. Yeah. Look, if you knock down this wall, you'd have a nice open plan sitting room bathroom. We have to go now because of the earthquakes. The evacuation team is waiting for us. What tone are you reading this in? Were you held at gunpoint? That's almost a year ago. His mouth moves. I didn't realize how bad the lip sync was in this game. Oh, he's doing another vlog. What up, YouTube fam? Be sure to hit that subscribe button and turn on notifications. I hate when you're making a video and there's an earthquake. It sucks. Oh, if I lost my child, I can just go find another one. Yes, you, sir. I'll take you. Fuck. Oh my God. The children look so weird. Apparently I do too because I really scared that child. Follow Mary. Wait, is that my kid? Come here, you little bastard. You think you can run from me? She's gone under the fence. I'm coming for you. I don't think I'm making this better. I got a lure in the child. What do I have? Fruit salad. Kids love... Oh, no, it's a fruit cocktail. Yeah, kids love fruit cocktails. I'm fixing. She went through this tiny gap. She's just standing over there. For God's sake. She gets all these easy obstacles and I have to... Oh my God. I have to glitch across here. Oh my God. Where is she going now? She's like a little rat. She's just going through every nook and cranny she can find. Come here you fucking Egypt. I'm your papa. Maybe that's why you're running. Damn it. I can't reach you. I can't figure it out. She's like one foot away but because she's through that little hole they're like, I can't figure it out. Look what just wandered into the spider's web. Hang on. That little... Hang on. I won't hurt you. You promise? Yeah, I promise. Give her the fruit cocktail. I have something to show you. Really? You're going to start plugging your YouTube channel? Wait, why am I giving her the camcorder? Am I recruiting her? This is child labor. She cannot be my camera person. Wait, why? We want to go inside so we're going to a mall? Like we're going to get attacked. Great. Now I have to carry this child around. I thought it was my child but it's not. Why don't I just go to my apartment? It's right around the corner. There's so many questions here. I love how clueless my guy was in that cut scene. Like, oh my God. You just stabbed that child with your mache. All right, let's just overlook that. But rightfully so, the other dude was panicking because this strange man was hanging out with his daughter who's like four. And my guy doesn't seem to realize that's weird and like it would probably come across as he's a kidnapper. I'm surprised he didn't reply with don't worry, I've tied up your child. Oh, yeah. They're having a little conversation but I can't understand any of it because I'm dying. Wait, hold on. Let me get that fruit cocktail. All right, much better. Look, that is my apartment. I'm passing it. I could just go inside and we'd be safe. No, we got to get to the mall, okay? We got to get further away before we go into safety. It makes no sense. All right, we're in the mall. This seems super dangerous. I don't know why I brought her here. Oh, Mannequin just hanging out. Why would someone set it up like that? There's so many beds here and comfy spots and there's no one around. Not that way. The good spots are up higher. Wait, up higher? How do I get up? Can you give me some direction, kiddo? I'm lost. Why is the music kicking up? I don't want to... Oh, because my stamina is running low. So even if my stamina is running low when I'm running around, the music kicks up like that. Music's going nuts just because I'm running around again. God, kid. Can you just point the correct way instead of saying not that way every time? Did you hear that? Sounds like there's someone below us. Does this? All I can hear is this loud music. Oh, fucksake. I just shot. Wait, what is that coughing? I think I spooked someone with like gun noise. I need one inhaler to heal the victim. I don't have one. I don't know why it keeps getting me to help people. Shoot the padlock. I don't have any bullets either. I have literally nothing. Look, this is all I have and I just ate it. Goodbye. No, you're wrong, actually. I wouldn't like to. I don't care at all. I don't think I can make that drop. What? No scream or anything. Just a... and falls straight to your death. He's probably happy. He doesn't want to be alive despite the name of the game. Slept right through it, the little tie he called. Tuck her down. I found an inhaler. I'm not bringing it back to him. I'm gonna use it myself. I don't even need it. I'm just greedy. Let's go back to him like, oh, I love this air. It's so good, so refreshing. Can I actually use it? Yeah. I used it for no goddamn reason. Oh, no. Oh, God damn it. I ended up back here. I thought I was going somewhere else. How are you everywhere? I think I might need to give him the asthma and he'll give me a bullet to get through here because I cannot progress now. Please see yourself. I mean, I may as well and just wait for death because I'm completely stocked. Another person. What? I am so weird in this game. I don't know why this consumes just as much stamina as climbing with only my arm. Only my arms. There we go. I'll just hang out here. I mean, I have nowhere else to go. I'm completely stocked. That guy across there is just looking at me. He must be like, really? He's going up there to kill himself after just coming down here and using the inhaler in front of me just to spite me. And then he kills himself anyway. All right. Well, we better leave it there because, well, he's dead. I love the falling. They didn't even attempt to put in like arms flailing or screaming. He just goes and falls straight down. Oh, that game was great. It's not the best of games, you know. I didn't once get to throw a water bottle on top of some glass and let people fall through. That would have been so cool. But we're going to leave it there. I hope you enjoyed being alive with me. What a fantastic gift we received. Yeah. I hope you enjoyed the video. If you enjoy my content, I post every single day. So if you want to subscribe, please feel free. No one's stopping you. I would hope if they are. Please let me know. I also stream over on Twitch. Like four times a week. The link for that is in the description. But yeah, that's about it. Hope you enjoyed. And I hope to see you next time. Bye for now.