 Hello, hello everybody. Welcome back to the walk podcast. I hope that you're all doing well if you are new here My name is Sam and we are on episode 11 guys took a little bit of a break from the podcast did some traveling Did the whole Thanksgiving thing, but we are back and today we're gonna chit chat We're gonna hang out and the main focus of this video or this episode rather is The idea of loneliness and what what it feels like what comes with it and the difference between Being alone and feeling lonely. So we're gonna get into all that. That's the meat potatoes of this video, but How you guys doing? I hope that you all had a great Thanksgiving for those of you that celebrate I am filming this on the Sunday after Thanksgiving So it's been a nice four-day weekend from work It was a nice break and nice reset to just be with Family and loved ones and eating good food and I I'm wearing a dress today on purpose It's not to look cute. It's simply because I am not prepared to put on jeans right now So you get it if you know, you know But it was a great it was a great time I for those of you who Have been following me for a while you probably know my parents are divorced So I usually kind of split the day in half So I'll usually do like the first half of the day at dad's and then around like three thirty four o'clock I transition to moms and it was really nice just to be to be home to be in my old house and we had my cousins and my step-siblings and My aunts and you know just the whole family just to be together under one roof to hear the house filled with laughter To you know smell the good the aromas of the food, you know And to just be together in our own crazy chaotic loving way. So it was very nice and then Friday I actually stayed at my mom's house from Thursday all the way to Saturday morning and I was able to just stay home and I went and visited an uncle that lives in your by and I helped my mom decorate her house For Christmas. There's the way I used to when I lived there and it was just it was very like a Making your inner child very happy kind of weekend. So Super thankful for it. I have so much to be thankful for and I love the fact that Thanksgiving kind of like makes you reflect on That like yes, it's about family time. Yes, it's about the good food, of course But it also I think is important to like stop and think about like what you are really thankful for I Am just I'm thankful for a lot of things and that's not what this video is about So I'm not gonna go down my list of things that I'm grateful for but I just think back to this time last year and I was in such a different place. I was very unhappy and I One I feel like I looked like a completely different person But also not just because my hair color was different or this that and the other thing Is more of just like there was a cloud over me like I don't want to say a cloud of darkness because it wasn't like evil per se, but I Just was not in a good place Like I think back the Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's of last year and there was so much going on and so Many things that I didn't share with anyone about what I was going through and the things that were bothering me and the Insecurities I had and the anxiety I had that I didn't even realize was fully there until later on and just Just to compare that to where I am now. I'm just so Thankful, I feel like a completely different person. I was sitting with my mom I think it was Saturday or maybe it was Friday and a snapchat memory came up of Me and one of my best friends at a bar last year for Thanksgiving Eve again. I was blonde I just looked different. There was just something About me that was different and it's hard to like pinpoint what it was and you know, I just said look I showed my mom I said who who is this person and she was like, it's you but you were just you were you were you weren't happy You know, and I was and so I'm just so thankful that You know this year I have been molded I've learned how to be a better friend a better daughter a better sister a better cousin a better friend I might have said that twice, but you get it like I just I just am I'm just so thankful for where I am right now That was a tangent didn't mean to go down that rabbit hole, but um Yeah, so I hope that you all enjoyed your little Thanksgiving and you are getting ready for the holidays my you can't see it But my my tree is up. You can see this pillow is new. I didn't realize I'm kind of channeling Christmas right now with the The red and the green and the white Christmas slash maybe the Italian flag. I don't know. I wasn't going for that vibe, but anyway This is just what I wore to church today, and I didn't change so anyway, um What else did I want to talk to you guys about in the opening? Things have been going really well. I'm not gonna go too much into this But I do have like a little kind of testimony that I wanted to share in the beginning I'm not gonna go into it too much just because it is personal to someone other than myself, but Basically one of my best friends, you know, she and I went out to dinner a Couple of weeks ago, and I don't know if you're watching this You know who you are if you don't yet. You're gonna know in a few seconds, but You know I could just tell that she's she's been going through a lot and I could tell that she was she was searching and she She needed she needed something something to comfort her comfort her beyond how I could comfort her and so you know, I was just talking to her and and I Gave her an open invitation and I said, you know, I am not pressuring you in any way But if you ever feel like you want to come to church with me It is an open door always you just tell me I said this is the one and only time Not the only time I said this is the one time you're one big invitation that I'm gonna tell you whenever You feel like you want to if you ever want to the door is open and you can come to church with me And she surprised me by saying, you know She's like, yeah, let's like let's look at the calendar right now and pick a day and I was like, well, okay cool And you know, she basically just said she's like I see that you're experiencing something And I don't fully know what it is. I don't understand it. You know, she's never really been to like a She's never been to a christian church. She doesn't you know, she's just not familiar with that at all and um She said I I don't really know what you're experiencing. I don't really understand it But like I know that I want it and that's all I want to come And she was so excited about it and it like blew my mind and I'm sitting there And I didn't tell her this but like I got in my car after dinner and I was just by myself And I just started crying. I was on the phone with my mom. I just started crying because I was like, this is what I have been praying for I've been praying for her to just to Just I was just praying for an open door for her To kind of come in and come to church with me and just be able to talk to her about the way that my life has been changed. Anyway So But I was still we picked we picked the day, but I was still kind of like, I don't know Like I feel like she's gonna she's gonna say, you know, never mind or I can't make it or you know When something is new and it's scary We've all been there where you're actually like, actually I can't make it like I've I've invited other Friends before and they've like canceled, you know, so I was just like waiting for it But then I was like, no, no, no, I'm gonna pray and so I prayed for her like every morning And I would pray that God kept that excitement in her heart And then I texted her that during this week and I said, hey, like, you know, are you still coming and she said Yes, like I've been thinking about it honestly so much Blew my mind and then today She went to church and I could tell she was very skeptical in the beginning But I saw that I saw the exact moment like I was trying to give her space You know, because it's a very personal time But I could see from the corner of my eye like the moment that the message touched her and she started to cry and then She essentially kind of accepted the Lord into her life, which I cried And you know like during if you've ever been to like church during the salvation call When they do that at the end of the service and every eye is closed You're supposed to bow your head close your eyes so that everybody has privacy I couldn't help it. I like peeked a little bit just to see and I saw her hand go up and I was like And then, you know, I introduced her to some people after church and You know, they prayed with her and she came out to lunch with me and my new friends, which I have friends guys We'll get into that So it's just just a lot of answered prayers and I feel really happy. So I just wanted to share that because This is one of my best friends from elementary school. She's very important to me And so it just my heart is my heart is happy. But anyway, today's episode we are gonna talk about like I said the idea of being alone Versus feeling lonely because they are two very different things I have experienced both firsthand. So I get it And so I feel like I'm at a place where I can talk about both in this episode The topic was actually requested. I forget by who because it was a while ago I wrote it down on my list of like podcast ideas that I have in my phone So if that was you, you know who you are, but it was essentially a comment from a young woman who Was kind of like asking, you know, you went from being in a relationship to to now being single and you also live alone So how are you dealing with loneliness? Do you feel lonely? You know, how are you coping with it? I would love to hear a podcast episode about that So that's what we're doing And of course, like I I read all the comments So if you ever have a topic like that that you Want us to talk about I would love to hear it. So don't ever hesitate to leave me a comment or a dm So, yeah, as you guys know, I mean, I have lived alone Since july of last year But when I moved here, I always lived by myself, but I was in a relationship and so Um, essentially like pretty much every weekend and maybe once during the week like my ex and I would Essentially like playhouse, you know, like he would either sleep here or I would sleep at his place or whatever. So um for the first Month that's math the first seven months of me living here um Like every weekend like I was pretty much never alone on the weekends. Um sleeping wise and so I went from that to then being single and and you know Always basically being alone in this apartment for the most part unless I you know have people over or whatever But even that especially back then at that time in my life was rare Um, and it was just kind of it was just me in this in this apartment So I absolutely felt feelings of loneliness. Um, I When my breakup first happened I felt so alone because you constantly have that person to talk to you constantly like whether you're texting throughout the day Or you FaceTime every night or they're sleeping over you're sleeping that whatever it's a big change to go from that to then just Nothing, you know And I felt very lonely and my mom my mom was so clutchy At the time she would talk to me every day on the phone She would call me on my way home from work just so I felt like I had someone to come to talk to after work Someone to know like when I made it home safely um And she even though she had to be up early for work and I work late I get home at 11 11 15 at night So she's usually like asleep by then but she for the first couple of Months maybe the first like two months like she stayed up every night just to give me someone to talk to which just I will never forget that And you know, she would text me just you know, I I needed that because I felt so alone I was very I was really really uncomfortable with being alone I didn't like being here if it was like a Friday night and I had no plans. I was like in the beginning. I was horrified I will never forget it was like two weeks after the breakup and it was a Saturday And I had plans with my college friends At night like that evening until like set like the plans were at like 7 p.m But for the first part of the day I didn't have any plans and I was by myself and I sat here I was sitting right here and I was FaceTiming my mom because she called me And she was like, okay, so you meeting up with your friends tonight And I was like, yeah, you know And she could see that my face started to like turn emotional and she was like you're a little sad right now And I remember I just like started bawling Because I just felt so I wasn't used to being By myself. It was awful. It was oh I like I it makes me even like almost a little emotional now because I remember So exactly what it felt like And it was just oh, it was an awful awful awful feeling and again It's because I moved in here already in a relationship. So I didn't know what it was like to truly be Alone does that make sense? Even though I know I lived alone, but I never felt Truly on my own because I had someone So it was a really really really big adjustment um And I have come such a long way To where I am now and I have learned so much about like How good it actually is to have a season of just being you just being By yourself pouring into yourself choosing yourself learning about yourself And it's been one of the best things ever. I've been single for 10 months now 11 something like that 10 months And man, I have learned so much about myself. I It's just it's great So I I want to encourage you that if you're feeling alone if you're feeling that loneliness one it gets better And two I'm going to give you some things to think about so that You actually realize that it's not a bad thing. Yes, it is an adjustment But it's not a bad thing and I truly don't believe that it is forever No matter what your situation is if you're feeling lonely right now I don't I really don't believe that it is forever. It is just a season. There is a season for everything I guess somewhere in the book of aphesians if we're if we want to go that route It says that there's a season for everything But the seasons are temporary so okay So I realize I have done so much for self-reflection In 2023 between just like my alone time and like the therapy I did for 9 10 months. I think it's like 9 I have done so much self-reflection About why do I think this way and what caused it and and how can I not think that way and blah blah blah About like every aspect of my life and I realized that even going back from when I was like young young my mood my demeanor My just my feelings were always equated to How others felt about me or like what my other relationships in my life were whether it was platonic like friendship wise Or romantically my mood depended a lot on that I remember when there were times where I liked somebody and they gave me attention that day I was oh, I was in the best mood. I was spunky. I was happy. I was laughing. I was all the things and then Days when maybe they wouldn't give me the attention you would have thought that somebody ran over my dog like My mood and my feelings were always tied to My Relationships with other people and the way that people or the way I thought that people Perceived me and I'm looking down just because I have a couple of notes that I wrote down So anyway, so I I learned that and I had to Untrain myself to not think that way because it's it's really not healthy again that goes into like finding your identity and other people Rather than just knowing who you are as a whole person and I truly think that it is the best way To one learn about yourself to learn about self love Is to truly walk by yourself Maybe you don't necessarily have to be like alone. Like maybe you have a roommate That's not what I'm saying But like to truly truly like be standing on your own as far as like your relationships I hope that makes sense. Um, I have learned so much about What I like what I don't like What I like to do in my spare time What's fun for me and what's not and the more you sit in those things and really Dive into things that make you happy and then also not do the things that don't make you happy You become set in your ways and sometimes getting set in your ways. I think it can can be a bad thing because I know it can stop you from being kind of flexible and open-minded, but At the same time When it comes to like setting boundaries for yourself for your future friendships or your future relationship or whatever it is You're getting set in your ways so that nobody can move those boundaries Um, so I have learned so many things just being by myself that I know will carry into Whatever relationship comes next or you know, what maybe my my friends want to do if I don't want to do that It's okay to just to just say no, you know, you have you have those boundaries And I truly think that when you feel that loneliness because yes, I'm alone. I'm alone right now. It's 5 39 p.m. I'm going to be alone Until tomorrow like I'm not I don't have any plans to leave my apartment for the rest of the day Nobody's coming over So I'm technically going to be alone for the rest of the night, but I don't feel lonely I really think that when you feel that loneliness at least in my experience. It was because I felt a void I felt like something was missing. I felt like I didn't I wasn't A whole person and it was because I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what my who who I was without a relationship I didn't know who I was without male attention. I didn't know who I was And so that's why I felt so lonely and that's why people find things find other people find other ways to Compensate for filling that void that you feel and as hard as it seems one of the best ways to heal that Is to be alone longer? You have to get to the point where you are okay with being Alone and the only way you're going to get there. Yeah is to is to practice it. It's like a muscle A muscle is not going to grow unless you use it and you work it And so this is this is a similar concept where you're going to have to Be alone in order to become more comfortable with it Um, and you're never going to do that if you're just searching for things to fill that void Whether it's people whether it's an activity that may not be that good for you But you're doing it because it it distracts you from your loneliness. Whatever that may be. It's different for every person um But It's really just it's just filling it's just filling a void and it's not the healthiest way to go about it I would say one thing that will help though that helped me at least is like Having a routine to stick to because I was so focused on just my routine of like Okay, when I would when I would work out in the mornings when I would eat when I would do my bible time Like just following that routine. I don't know. It's just something about this is a me thing structure like Like satisfies me. It's like oddly satisfying So having and developing a routine was really good for me And finding things that you enjoy whether it's going to a workout class like that's not something I enjoy But maybe you enjoy that I like to just work out on my treadmill at home in the comfort of my home But like maybe you like that. Maybe it's going to get a starbucks drink and walking around target for 30 minutes Whatever it is find things that you enjoy because it's that that satisfies you and that kind of Disaction lasts. I'm not saying target is a healthy satisfaction. But you know what I mean like finding things that you Enjoy that's something that will stay with you and that Doesn't just temporarily fill a void It it fills the void permanently because you're becoming a whole person. You're finding your interests You're finding your rhythm finding things that you enjoy And then once you're once you're There and you're satisfied then other people can come in and we'll get we'll get to that But um, those are just some things that that helped me and again, like I said, it is a muscle You have to you have to exercise it um But you're true like it's really just about being content And if you're not fully content with who you are as in your individual self by yourself Who you are when nobody's around when nobody can see you That's why you fill that void So it's really just about healing in here and For example, if you want to compare like then and now Last year, like I said or not 10 months ago, whatever I if I was alone for a day or like if it was a saturday and I had no plans Oh, I would cry. I would be depressed. I would be like I would oh it would just I would not be in a good headspace Whereas I think it was last weekend last saturday I had just gotten back from back from Seattle that week. So I was tired But I had no plans that saturday and I didn't make any plans And honestly, no one reached out to me about plans and I didn't reach out to anybody about plans It was just like I was just like, okay. I'm not gonna have plans that day. That's fine But I was excited about it I remember was sitting at work friday and I was like, oh, I'm so excited to be able to do whatever I want tomorrow 10 months ago, that would have been my worst nightmare And maybe to some of you you're listening to this and you're like That's my worst nightmare. Like I could never just spend a day by myself with no plans. No one to talk to But I found I have things that make me happy. So what did I do that day? I slept in that day I woke up. I had my quiet time with the lord. I What did I do? I went to target To look at like christmas decor Who doesn't love that? I Cleaned my apartment, which that doesn't make me feel joy necessarily, but I feel joy when it's done I came home and I filmed a video which I love making youtube videos. It's a passion of mine And then I edited it I was also making I was vlogging for a patreon video throughout the day Um, and then I ended the night after all the editing was done all the videos were done I ended the night with like dinner and watching a movie And it was I was truly like so so so satisfied and through This these last like 10 months 11 months. I keep saying different different months 9 10 11 I lose track of time, but the lot all of 2023 basically To get to this point it wasn't always easy It wasn't like just one day of a switch flipped and all of a sudden I wasn't lonely anymore I had to like do the work and I and I have to I have to take it here because if you really want to know How I got through it. This is how I got through it I would pray and I would be full on open with him and I would say lord. I have no plans today I'm a little sad about it. I'm a little lonely You know, I would be walking around let's just say for example walking around target And I would see couples walking around or I would hear about you know So and so this girl got together with her girlfriends and like Got starbucks and ran errands and did those just mundane things together Or had a movie night with their friends, you know And you you see it on instagram you see all the people doing all the fun things and I would I would pray out loud And I would say lord. I'm really sad about it today and I would pray and I would ask him Since I have nothing else I would ask him to fill that void and he did every time I would say fill me with joy Fill me with peace Peace that could only come from you because it's not going to come from anywhere else. I'm completely alone today And I would ask him to fill that void and he would every single time To the point and the more again the more I exercised that muscle it got to a point where Now the last weekend I had a day completely to myself and I was so I was like excited about it So if you ask him for whatever you need whether it's loneliness, whether it's depression anxiety, whatever it is If you ask him he's sitting there waiting for you with open arms to invite him into your life and to ask him for help He's there, but you need to invite him in And every time I did He filled that void every single time if you hit rewind and you go back to 2021 2022 many of you know you a lot of you witnessed The relationship I was in a lot of you witnessed like all the good things I had going in my life And I truly was like I am living my best life. This is all I've ever wanted Like I'm gonna get engaged eventually and I'm gonna do this and that and all everything shaping up and I was living my life I idolizing the things in my life I didn't realize it when something consumes you so much to the point where you think about it more than anything You think about it more than yourself and your well-being you think about it more than your relationship with God You know that is that becomes an idol something that you think about All the time it just consumes you I was idolizing things and I didn't know And God was taking things away from me My relationship certain friendships that I was forming He was taking them away and he did it. I know now he did it to show me that all I needed was him I was overlooking him because in my mind according to my own plan Everything else in my life was more important than him And he was like no no, sweetie I'm gonna show you I'm gonna take all these things because this is not the best I have for you and you're gonna sit you're gonna sit alone And I want to he's People say all the time you may have heard it like God is a jealous God meaning he and that sounds bad, but By that it means that he wants your he wants your undivided attention He wants you and the only way that I was able to fully connect with him and and enter into the relationship That I have with him now is if I was alone It wouldn't have happened if I was in a relationship. It wouldn't have happened if I kept going down the road that I was going He took all those things away. He brought me into a season of loneliness. He brought me into a season of transition To to bring me closer to him to show me that I needed To rely on him and him only No other a man can't complete me My friendships can't complete me a job can't complete me only he can he brought me into this season To make me into who he has called me to be He needed my undivided attention and I couldn't give him those things When my life was consumed with all these other things that weren't even good for me So he took me he molded me He did he put me in a season of isolation Doesn't mean that I never saw anybody. I still have friends. I still do things But in comparisons at what my life looked like a year ago or two years ago, my life really, really slowed down Which honestly has been very nice But he took me and he was like, okay, I'm gonna put you in this season of isolation I'm gonna work on you. Our relationship is gonna be stronger And then I'm gonna put you in this season of transition So that you can transition into the next chapter of your life. And that's where I am right now I did the season of isolation. I did it Sometimes I'm still there a little bit, but not as bad again. We'll get into that And now I'm in the season of transition, but I couldn't have gotten To this season of transition without the season of loneliness So that's why I want to encourage you that loneliness is not always a bad thing But you have to differentiate it between Do I feel lonely or am I just alone and you want to be At the alone part And really kind of take advantage of it take advantage of the fact that there's no one else distracting you from becoming the best version of yourself This is your this is your season Where maybe you're not in a relationship. So you're saving money, right? You're not going on date nights You're not buying gifts for your partner. You're not going on vacations with your partner. You're saving money You're not going out, you know with your friends as much anymore because you're in this season of isolation So you're saving money You're you're you know, you have this This time to really become the best version of yourself where you don't have to answer to anybody You don't need to consult anybody About anything it really for me it became my season of like, okay What don't I like about my life? I want to change it So I would do little things little things here and there braces Um another thing that I'm kind of planning that I'm not telling you about yet um, but you know just I noticed that there were things that I was putting on hold In relation to like another person like I always said, oh, I'd like to get braces, you know Like for like my for my wedding, you know the the for the duration of my engagement I'd like to straighten my t so that they're straight for the wedding. Why do I have to wait for a wedding? Why do I have to wait for a man? Get braces and so I did, you know things like that um And again, like I said a million times before learning what you like and what you don't like It's just this is a an amazing season for you to take advantage of I feel like our society has Almost like looks at singleness like it's a disease like it's a bad thing. It's not It's not And I truly I've talked about this before I know that this single season is not Forever god knows the desires of my heart. He knows I desire To be a wife and to have kids so I know that it's not forever But it has been singleness has been such A blessing and we're not really just talking about singleness as a whole. We're just talking about, you know, feeling lonely Um, but singleness, you know plays a part in that. So that's why I keep saying singleness. Um, it is just it's oh, it's I could just encourage you to just if it's if it feels really hard right now It's gonna get better And please just take just take advantage of it And so I have a couple of scriptures that I want to share with you guys. I think only like three Two or three Um, but you know, I remember when I started this podcast I when we were in the first couple episodes like around three four five episodes and I'd be like, okay. I don't want to talk about god in every single one because you know You know, some people won't like that and like yes, that's true However, if something like this especially if someone's asking me like, how did you get through it? I can't answer that without talking about god without talking about my faith because I couldn't have done it without it It wasn't time that made my loneliness easier. It wasn't time that healed my wounds. It was god That's just the straight up. That's the straight up truth So, you know, I'm kind of I'm kind of done with that mentality now I'm like, you know what if people want to hear about how I got through xyz And if my faith is attached to that which it usually is then I'm going to talk about it so Uh, yes, so the first scripture I wanted to share with you and I'm just going to read them real quick We're not going to really stay on them too long. The first one is isaia 41 10 And these are scriptures dealing with loneliness to show you that even when you're alone You're not really alone like for me. That was my prayer all the time where I was like god I know that I'm alone, but please show me that you're here with me So I may be alone from everybody physically But I know that you're here with me. I know your presence is here So I'm not really alone and I would ask him for that and it would bring me comfort. So This one is as a 41 10 It says don't be afraid for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your god I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand There are some other translations that say, you know, I go before you and I hold and I hold your right hand Like something like a little more simple And I remember when I was younger and I was going through an anxiety with my new job I would I would read this scripture and I would it sounds stupid, but I'm gonna say it anyway I would imagine him in my head walking next to me walking into my work building holding my hand I don't know it works. Okay. It works So that's a good one. The next one is philippians Chapter four verses six and seven And it says don't worry about anything instead pray about everything Tell god what you need and thank him for all he has done Then you will experience god's peace which exceeds anything we can understand His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in jesus So that's what I would try to do I would be honest with him and I would tell him what I need give me comfort give me peace Fill this void and he would every time um And you know and I would ask for I would ask for this piece that That doesn't make sense and and you hear that a lot in like the christian world And that really just means that when everything around you seems to be going wrong And it would be only natural that you would be sad to be alone all day And you know, especially coming out of a breakup that makes it even harder So it wouldn't make sense that I would feel this peace and joy But once I asked for it, I would feel that peace and joy So that's kind of what that means. Um You know, if you read the word like I've been really into the to the word in the last couple months And I haven't read the whole bible not yet But I have read so much and I've learned so much and you can really just see in the bible that like God is for us. He is rooting for us. He wants us to be happy. He doesn't like when we're unhappy The bible says in multiple places. He is for us. He wants the best for us. He takes delight in our lives He takes delight in when we're happy um And I have learned that he uses everything for good all the pain And loneliness that I felt is what fuels this podcast Literally everything I went through this year is what fuels this podcast And I've gotten message that message is that it's helping people And it's just it's just such an example of how he takes Bad and turns it for good And everything is so intentional Uh song 236 is actually my new favorite bible verse one of them Um, and it says surely your goodness and mercy will pursue me all the days of my life And I will live in the house of the lord forever And that means so it's really just the main the first part that really speaks to me Surely your goodness and mercy will pursue me all the days of my life meaning he Wants to be with you Every day all the time And he will consistently run after you um a really good song actually that is based on that verse is running by Brandon lake if you search if you just search running by the land in brandon lake and elevation worship It'll come up. It's such a good song and it's just about how god just pursues us all the time He always he will never stop Chasing us so even when people in the world don't choose you you get broken up with or your friends don't invite you out anymore or You've outgrown a lot of your friendships and and you just feel like nobody is choosing you but he chooses you every time And that's something that I had to learn so even though I I was alone I didn't feel lonely So I'm 34 18 and 19 Okay, I guess I had more than three verses But anyway, this one says the lord is close to the brokenhearted This was this was my lock screen for most of the beginning part of 2023 when I was like really really hurting and I was down bad This was my lock screen The lord is close to the brokenhearted. He rescues those whose spirits are crushed That was me the righteous person forces. I'm sorry the righteous person faces many troubles But the lord comes to the rescue every time So when you're down bad He's there with you whether you know it or not He's sitting right next to you But it's when you invite him in and you ask him for help and you tell him what you need That's when the comfort comes and Yeah, I'm just gonna leave it. I could that could be a whole other like episode in and of itself but He will help you every time I promise and in if you've never prayed like I'm like I'm talking to you like you're Of christian faith and you go to church regularly and you have a relationship with god But maybe you don't and that's totally okay here. You're more than welcome here anyway I love that there are people of many different religions watching these podcast videos Um But maybe you've never prayed and you're like like I had a friend who we were talking about Prayer and she was like, how do you pray? Like, what do you say? What do you talk about? How do you like she's like? I always feel like I need needs to be this fancy proper like memorized Prayer and I'm like, no I don't pray like that like when I have to go to like Not to like take a morbid turn But like when I have to go to a funeral for example, and it's held in a christian Um, a catholic church like I go and I think it's beautiful, but like the memorized prayers. I don't know them And I actually feel like uncomfortable. I just sit there. I'm like, I'm sorry I don't know what to say because I my our prayers at least for the christian faith are not memorized. They're not recited. They're not, you know For me And for most christians just to kind of put it into perspective It's like sitting down and talking to a friend like I just I literally Sit right where I'm sitting now and I look out the window every morning or I close my eyes And I just talk to him as if he was a friend sitting in front of me I tell him what I need when I'm feeling what I'm thinking. I don't use big words I have straight up sometimes like when I when I notice things in my life That I'm like, no, I think that's God. I literally look at him and I'm like, what you doing? Like I talked to him like he's my friend And that's what he wants. He wants you to just talk to him He wants you to invite him in so if you are thinking about praying about this stuff and you don't even know where to start Just sit down by yourself turn off the tv or mute it, you know No distractions and just be like, hey, god You can even just say like I've never really done this before Um, and I don't really know what to say But like I'm feeling really anxious right now or I'm feeling really lonely and I don't know what to do about it And I don't have anybody to turn to Um, but I'd really like to feel peace, you know, if you would just help me That's all you have to say He it I feel like people just complicate Religion and prayer it doesn't have to be that complicated. It's actually very simple Um, so just try it Just try You have nothing to lose right just try Um, but it doesn't have to be anything fancy. Now the last thing I want to say Like the the last main topic is And this is I've learned this from personal experience Feeling that loneliness is okay. It's actually healthy to really sit in that loneliness Acknowledge the fact that you feel lonely And then teach yourself how to be okay with it. That's everything that we've talked about so far That feeling that loneliness is okay But at a certain point I personally believe And this is mostly like if you're craving like if you're feeling lonely and you're craving people Which is I found myself in that situation Once you felt the loneliness and you feel confident in who you are as a person and you're like You just feel more whole like that's the best way I can think to explain it Oh, this is weird. I'm like say I'm speak. That's weird. I've never experienced that before I'm talking to you about all the things I wanted to talk about and I'm feeling Like doubt in my head just now I was I literally just got the feeling or like the thought of what you're saying is stupid And it like discouraged me but we got no place for that here in Jesus name That's see that's like that happens where the devil will try to come in and try to like Just fill you with doubt when you're trying to do a good thing. You know, we're rebuking that and In Jesus name, um That was wild. That's never happened to me like actually on camera before that was weird I hope you're getting something out of this. Um I pray that you are but anyway, um like I was saying Loneliness is good, but I think at a certain point We get to the point where you have to get up And now go find community again, and it is hard. I am not going to sit here and tell you that it's easy Okay, I have been going to this new church since July and it is not until now at the end of november That I am starting to actually make friends friends that I'm going out to eat with Friends that I you know have on like social media or we've exchanged numbers I took me that long Okay, and I'm still not even fully there like I'm making friends, but they don't We don't know each other that well yet. I don't know their story. They don't know mine Um, but there's you know, they're still friends that I'm I'm building community with Um, which oh it makes my heart so happy because I have been praying for this for months and months and months About just having godly community in my life Um, again, I haven't really had that since I was in high school Honestly where people are on the same level as me and that are on fire for god and that we you know Can pray together like we went out I went out to to lunch with a group of people after church today Are you proud of me? I'm proud of me and we sat there and we all held hands and prayed over the food together before we ate I can't even tell you the last time that I have had that and it just makes my heart so happy Because this has been a long time coming and I don't even think the people that I was with like I don't even think they know That they were like an answer they are an answer to my prayers Like I was sitting in an answered prayer Today and last week we went out for lunch after church too and it just like oh And I even just looked down just now and one of them sent me a picture that she just decorated her Christmas tree like in her apartment just like You know and it's again. It's easier said than done It was so hard to get to this point and again. I'm not even fully there yet. I'm not even fully there yet These are like surface level friendships still but you have to start somewhere, right? But I had to go into a place where I knew no one it was Very uncomfortable at times. It felt weird. I felt awkward You start to get that doubt in your head of like, uh, I mean they're gonna they're gonna think I'm weird Or they're not gonna like me or whatever these you know these normal human Feelings that we feel um And it was hard But the only way to go through and experience growth is to be uncomfortable I have learned that that's like one of the biggest things I probably learned this year is that If you're not uncomfortable, you're probably not doing it, right? But it's so Worth it guys. I can tell you I have been through it. I have been through every step of this from feeling devastatingly lonely to then feeling kind of okay To then being like, okay, I feel really good now. Now. I need people. I need people in my life I need new community in my life. I have gone through every step of the way and It's worth it. Just stick with it again. It took me how many months from july to now And it was worth it get involved say yes to everything smile at everybody Say hi to everybody. You know how many times I have said in the past couple months. Oh, I'm Sam by the way I haven't introduced myself to that many people ever in my life It's so Worth it. Maybe for you. That's not a church Maybe again, it's a workout class. It's a I don't know a photography class. It's Volunteering at an animal shelter. It's you know, whatever and if as long as you go in And you act like you know that god puts you there That he is placing your steps And you just go in and you just be yourself People the right people Because not everyone's gonna gravitate towards you But the right people will and that's how you form friendships and you have to stick with it friendships are not built overnight They're like little babies like they just have to be relationships friendships. They have to be nurtured They have to be built It's just like dating when you you first meet somebody you first start dating and you're in that like awkward phase Where you're still getting to know each other and blah blah blah blah You're never gonna get to that point of like oh, I'm dating my best friend unless you go through all that, you know So you really have to just nurture those those relationships and feed into them and be like, yeah, I'd love to go get lunch with you or Whatever whatever Um, and don't be like me or for for a really long time. I waited for people to initiate I I waited for someone to invite me to lunch Where as I'm learning like now currently and with this season that I'm in right now like Hey, you want to go get a grab you grab a bite to eat after church? Maybe don't say it like that and stumble over your words, but you know, hey, do you want to go grab lunch? Do you want to go do whatever? And the worst they can say is no they say no, okay, you move on you feel the sting for a little bit You're not going to feel that sting forever But it's worth it and Um, you know, it just don't sit in that loneliness forever because once you sit there the longer you sit there You get too comfortable. I do think that that's a thing you have to get comfortable in your in your alone time But I do think there is a difference or there is such a thing as Being too comfortable because then you're not gonna want to go out then you're not gonna want to Meet people because you just you're so set in your routine. So I always told myself Even through the loneliness that it wasn't forever So that I knew that I was like mentally preparing myself for the fact that okay, this is just temperature the temporary This is my like season that I'm in now. It's not gonna last forever Um, I'm looking at my notes because I don't want to miss anything. I was writing this Last night when I was um when I was out actually But these ideas just like kept coming to me and I didn't want to like forget anything So I just have to write it down Um So yeah, I said if you're not happy, you know Do something about it and you have to I wrote down you have to leave the past in the past So that's more of like if you're coming out of a bad friendship or a bad relationship Don't live in the past because that's gonna make your loneliness feel worse. Don't reread old text messages Don't look at old pictures. I when my relationship ended. I'm not even like being dramatic As soon as he walked out the door I erased Everything Text chain gone My social media posts gone Uh, unfriended him on everything so that I couldn't look the next morning. I went through my entire camera roll and my entire Snapchat memory all the way back to 2015 or whatever it was and I deleted everything that he was in Because we were friends for a very long time. That's why I had to go all the way back to 2015 but I had to do that to not allow myself to live in the past. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to look at it I didn't want to let myself dwell there and honestly for someone in Such a low place that I was in at that time. That was actually really smart of me I don't know what possessed me to do that, but I was like, yep It's gotta go And my mom was here and she even she was like here with a garbage bag and she was like Let's throw some things out and I was like, okay And not in a spiteful way more of just like That's the past now and it needs to stay in the past. I don't want to look at it I don't want to dwell in it because that's not healthy You know So I would give you that little that little negative advice um And the last thing that I want to say on this tangent is that Maybe you are in A relationship right now, whether it's romantic, whether it's friendship, whether it's a situation ship. We've all been there um Friends with benefit situation, whatever it is Maybe you're in that place where you know it's not good for you, but you don't want to let go because You're afraid of being lonely You're afraid of starting over And let me tell you that fear is real. I have experienced it I think that's one of the big reasons that even though I knew my relationship at the end was not Healthy I didn't want to let go because I was like, oh like i'm 26 like like 26 is old now I know that it's not but I was like i'm 26 like I want to get engaged I don't want to have to start over blah blah blah blah blah and that's I think part of the reason why I stayed And I was like talking to again I don't like to go into like personal things about like my friends on here But this is just such a perfect perfect example of you know my my friend In a relationship that you know things were a little rocky She wasn't sure how she was feeling and she started crying and she said Am I really gonna have to start over? And that was her main Concern that was her main worry and I was like oh my love like That is I I get it that feeling is so real and I'm validating your feelings because it that is a real fear to have But that is not a reason to stay in a relationship that is not good for you Because you're afraid of starting over because you're afraid of being lonely I have seen I am living proof that one There is always Better you think oh i'm never gonna find somebody again Even if the relationship you're coming out of isn't a good one your first instinct is to be like oh i'm never gonna find anything else Why There are so many people in the world even though it seems like the good ones are kind of Hiding a little bit right now or are already married. Anyway, um You know, it's a that's a very real fear to have But I promise you that there is better for you on the other side. You're gonna have to go through it Let yourself feel the loneliness. I know so many people in my life That try to fill that void. I know people that jump from relationships or relationships so fast I'm like how are you I've been single for 10 months How are you finding people in a matter of weeks that you're all of a sudden on date number three? I'm like where are you getting these people from but it's because some people really don't know how to be alone And they're looking to fill that void that they have in them with somebody else I know and that doesn't work out. We take the next one that comes and I get it. It's so tempting I think that's why I was going on all those dates It's because I wanted I wanted someone Because I felt like it would complete me It doesn't it doesn't I promise you You have to be a whole person first before you invite somebody in Yeah, it's just it's the healthiest way to do it in my in my personal opinion So don't fight don't fight for a relationship Just because you're afraid of being alone fight for a relationship because you really love that person Fight for that relationship because they treat you the way you deserve fight for that relationship because you truly believe that it is It's the best for you and you know deep in your heart that it is the best for you Don't fight and hold on to something that is not choosing you Don't hold on to something because you are afraid of what's gonna come next because I promise you It'll always be better Always I learned how to choose myself. I learned how to pour into myself. I learned how to comfort myself I learned how to do just really sustain my happiness myself. I learned how to do it all myself And man, it feels good. It feels so good. It's so empowering. It's just Oh And that's the end of my notes so I just hope I encouraged you today I was more of just like showing or sharing my experience with you rather than giving you steps of like I didn't want to come on here and be like you have to do this and then you have to do this and then you have to Do this like I wanted to just talk to you Like I was talking to a friend about the things that I learned and the things that I've taken away from my almost a year of being single and I just wish that people didn't make it into something so bad Singleness is really it's a good thing And I keep going back to singleness because for me, that's what's appropriate and that's what led me into My season of feeling lonely But I I hope and I pray that Whatever your situation is that you get to a point where you can differentiate between Being alone and being lonely and I hope that you find all the comfort That you need Whether you're living alone or you're just feeling you can live in a house full of people and still feel alone Um And that's what I'm saying. It's a feeling and it's a feeling that needs to be worked on But you can do it because I am living proof That it can be done And then it's always better on the other side So I hope that you guys enjoyed this video. I think that's all I have for you guys today Um, I look forward to reading your comments again If there's anything specific that you'd like me to talk about in an upcoming episode Please go ahead and leave it down below And thank you guys so much for watching and for being here for another episode of the walkpack podcast Until next time. I love you guys. Bye. Bye