 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as The Great Gilder Sleeve. The Great Gilder Sleeve is brought to you transcribed by The Kraft Foods Company. Twenty years ago, The Kraft Foods Company introduced a wonderful new salad dressing, a superbly smooth, delicious tasting salad dressing called Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip was so remarkably good that it soon became the most popular salad dressing ever created. Now Miracle Whip outsells the next twenty leading brands of salad dressing combined, and good cooks everywhere depend on it to make their salads better tasting. To bring out the best in your salads, use the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. It's after dinner at The Great Gilder Sleeve's house, and the evening paper has been divided between the water commissioner and his nephew. Lee Roy has the sports section in the comics, and the great man has the financial section, which carries the crossword puzzle on the back. Lee Roy. Yeah? What's an eight letter word for an African anteater? That's hard work. Oh yes. They eat ants. I know, Lee Roy. I'll bet you don't know how to spell it. Why don't you work your own crossword puzzle? Lee Roy, I'm just testing you to see what you've learned at school. Ah! Yes, yes. Oh boy. Hey, else look here in the paper. Let's go fishing at Grass Lake tomorrow. All right. Oh, look at the big fish that was caught. A 90 pound swordfish. Swordfish in Grass Lake? Let me see. Lee Roy, this wasn't caught in Grass Lake. It was caught in Florida. Well sure, but it shows they're biting. Oh my. Let's go on tomorrow morning, six o'clock. We'll have a lot of fun. Six o'clock. Mr. Banks took big fish in last Saturday. Well, how many swordfish did they catch? Well, they didn't catch anything, but they went fishing. Lee Roy, a fish hasn't been caught in Grass Lake in three years. Besides, you have to practice the piano tomorrow morning. Oh gosh, can a little kid have one day off? I practice every day of the week and two hours every Saturday. Faithfully. Faithfully. I have reason to doubt young man that you even touched the piano last Saturday. Well sure I did. I must have. Let's not fear, Lee Roy. I didn't hear you strike a note, Saturday. Well, when it's time for my piano lessons, you always leave home. I'm a busy man. But I happen to see your music teacher on the street and from her report. I don't think you went near the piano last Saturday. Well, she's prejudiced. I put out good money for your music lessons. A small fortune for a very small return. Yeah, why don't I do something nice for you and give up the piano? You will not. I'm going to find out if you practice. Birdie, step in here a minute, Birdie. You can't tell fibs around here and get away with them, Lee Roy. This is out there. Well, I've got a little boy full of fibs in here. Birdie, Lee Roy thinks he should go fishing tomorrow. Now tell me, did he practice the piano last Saturday morning? I'm usually busy in the kitchen on Saturday mornings, Mr. Guilty. Yeah, I know, Birdie. But you can hear Lee Roy playing in the kitchen. You can hear that touch all over the house. Did you hear it? Well... Yes or no, Birdie. Well, I usually have the windows open on Saturday mornings. Lots of ambiguous noises coming in and out. Birdie, did you hear the piano? Well, I heard something. You did? Music of some kind. Of course, it could have been old clothes, man. Yeah, all right, Birdie. It's very evident Lee Roy did not practice his piano. What do you think I should do with a boy like this? I think you should take him fishing. Oh, my goodness. Sure, why? Well, I'm not taking you fishing until you learn to tell the truth. For Lee Roy. He's in the doghouse tonight. Oh? That poor little boy. He does look unusually subdued for Lee Roy. Is the Lord of the Manor in? He went upstairs to shave. He should be down any minute. I thought Gildy and I might have a game of checkers tonight. He has a date, Judge. Oh? Yes. He's going out on the town while Lee Roy stays in the doghouse. Yeah. Poor little boy. Well, perhaps I can change his mind. Oh, so it's you, Judge. Yeah. I thought we might have a fast game of checkers. Whenever I play you, it's a fast one. Yes, yes. Judge, I don't have time to play checkers tonight. So I see. You did a nice job of shaving, Gildy. It smells nice, too. Don't go sniffing, you old goat. But Bayrom's not for your benefit, believe me. Sorry, I can't play checkers with you. Good night. Well, as long as you're leaving, I'll walk away as with you. I'm just going over to Miss Tuttle. Well, I'll walk that far away. I don't think that I should go in, though. I don't either. Good night, Bertie. Good night. Good night, Lee Roy. Lee Roy, say good night. What seems to be the matter, Lee Roy? Good morning. You bet I won't. Well, why don't you take him, Gildy? It's none of your business, Horace. Or do you think you'll be too tired to get up and go fishing in the morning? After all the work you've done, I'm not taking him for a very good reason, judge. I caught him in a lie about practicing his piano. Lee Roy? A lie? Yes. God, shut him off and tell everybody. It was just a little white one. Well, little white ones grow into big ones. If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times. Anybody who lies is bound to get into trouble. And he's in trouble. Oh, that's right. I hate to see the boy unhappy. I think I'll go to bed. Oh, Lee Roy, don't go to bed feeling sorry for yourself. I'm not feeling sorry for myself. This hurts me more than it does you. Why go to bed so early? I'll stay and play a game of checkers. Good idea. Go to bed, Lee Roy, and say, hear any more about fishing. Do you understand? Yes, sir. Good. What is it now, Lee Roy? Good night, Lee Roy. Let's get out of here, Judge. A girl's house at 8.30 in the evening. But Grace and I couldn't find anything to talk about. I guess I still have little Lee Roy on my mind. He looked so heartbroken when he went to bed. Well, Pee-Bee's still open. Maybe he'll cheer me up. Hello, Pee-Bee. Yeah, I don't know anything young about fishing. What can I do for you this evening? You can give me a cup of coffee, Pee-Bee. Yeah, yeah. Black. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. Now you can pour me another cup. Yeah, man, another one. That's what I said. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes I don't know which holds the most. You or you're ready for it. Well, I feel like downing a lot of coffee tonight. You're a little owish tonight, Mr. Young, Pee-Bee. Yeah. Your girlfriend sent you home with curfew? I left of my own accord, Pee-Bee. That isn't like you. Now, Pee-Bee, don't you start picking on me. I've already been raked over the coals by the judge and Bertie. You don't say. I came in here hoping you'd cheer me up. Well, as long as you keep buying coffee, I'll do my best. Let's see now. Here's a new songbook I picked up for us Johnny boys. Oh? I got it at the diner. It cost a quarter. Well, there's nothing like singing to take your mind off of. That's what I'm trying to say. Here's Sonny Boy. Sonny Boy? I imagine you sung it many times with little Leroy as he climbed up on your knee. Little Leroy? Well, bring the book up to the next meeting, Pee-Bee. I always liked Sonny Boy. Climb upon my knee, Sonny Boy. Climb upon my knee, Sonny Boy. You were only three, Sonny Boy. You've no way of knowing. I've no way of showing what you mean to me, Sonny Boy. Pee-Bee, stop. What's the matter, Mr. Goodman? That's so sad. I thought I sang it very well. That's not what I meant. Good night, Pee-Bee. Are you going home so early? It's carefully nine o'clock. I know, but I have to get up at six o'clock in the morning. Six o'clock? What for? To take Leroy fishing. Don't rock the boat while I'm reading. What are you reading? This paper that Bertie wrapped our lunch in. She would wrap it in the wanted section. Too bad. I don't know. Here's a place where we can buy patience on the way home. Let's go, Leroy. Let's go. We've been out here three hours and nothing's happened. But turn on how fish are. Aren't they traveling school? They'll be by pretty soon. Yes, yes. My next getting sunburned. Let's go home. Aw, what if you turn it on in the boat? I did that when my nose turned red. Now let's pull up anchor. Everybody else has left the lake. It's probably out of joy riding. You know, aren't any girls in the boat? It could be the Game Warden. Hacker, we haven't any fish to show him. I hope he stops. Maybe he can convince you there aren't any fish in this lake. Yeah, it's the warden all right. They always make a lot of noise around fishing. Now, Betty says, what are you doing? Fishing? Fishing? Sonny boy? Sonny boy. No. He said he was fighting yesterday, but I know they're here. Yes, yes. I suppose you have your licenses. Well, the boy doesn't need one. He's only 12, but the size is 16. Yeah. He'll stand up in the boat for the warden. Never mind. How about you? Me? I'm not dumb enough to come out here fishing. You're out here? I just rode my nephew out. Yeah? Yeah. I've heard that story before. It's no story. Besides, you ought to be ashamed to sell licenses to fish in this swamp. Now let's not get tough with the Game Warden, big boy. Well, let's not get tough with me either. I happen to be Throckport and Pete Jonas leave the water commissioner. I don't care if you're King Neptune. You know you have to have a license to fish. I'm not fishing. There's nothing I like better than the slap of fine on guys who get tough with the Game Warden. And there's nothing I like better than the turn off the water of guys who get tough with the water commissioner. Where do you live? I have my own well. Just don't let me catch you fishing. I'm not fishing. I've heard that story before. Well, that doesn't leave you. We're pulling up anchor. We're going home. Okay. Bye! Leave you. What did I say about telling Pete? Whoops! Pull it up! We're going by. Okay. Give me that pole. Okay. I'm going by. Get in, then. There's one waiting on your other line. Back in just a minute. I want you to remember if you want to make really delicious salad, no matter how fine the quality of the fruit or vegetables or seafood or meat you use, no matter how much care you take in preparing them, if the salad dressing you use isn't as good as it should be, then your salad just can't be at its best. So be discriminating in your choice of salad dressing. Use the best tasting salad dressing you can buy. Use Miracle Whip. Miracle Whip has a flavor millions of good cooks all over the country called just right. It's a flavor that's lively, teasing, peppy, a flavor that's truly delicious. It's a flavor you won't find in any other salad dressing because Miracle Whip is made from an original recipe created by Kraft. It's a recipe that combines the best qualities of zesty old fashioned boil dressing and fine mayonnaise. Miracle Whip has the kind of texture you want in a salad dressing too. It's creamy thick and velvety smooth because Miracle Whip is blended thoroughly with special beaters. So many people like Miracle Whip so much it's become the most popular salad dressing ever created and actually outsells the next 20 leading brands of salad dressing combined. Try it. See how much more delicious your salads can be when you make them with America's favorite salad dressing, Miracle Whip. Let's get back to things in Summerfield. A car is pulling up in front of the Great Gilbert Sleeves House occupied by one sunburned uncle, one happy nephew, and eight very surprised fish. Fish and aunts, I had a wonderful time. That's fine, Leroy. You see this big one? He's the one who took the lion away. Let's not talk about it. Let's just forget the whole thing. Boy, it's great big bass and I caught every one of them. Let's not gloat, Leroy. Oh, I'm sorry you didn't have a license, John. That's all right. Now, just along for the ride. Let's get out, Leroy, and take your fish with you. Aw, but you didn't catch any. You can have them. What? Come back here and clean these. It's my piano lesson. Big brown eyes. You'll take your taken with them. You will. I never saw such big ones. Is that a flounder, see? No, they're all bass. I just sat on this one. Taking with them? You know, I don't have time for that. Take them along, Birdie, and we'll have them for dinner. Oh, we'll have them for dinner, all right. Just as soon as you get them cleaned. I caught the fish. Now it's up to somebody else. This calls for a little cooperation. Well, you can count on Birdie to cooperate. Say, nobody can cook fish any better than Birdie can. Anytime you get them cleaned. Yeah, I know Birdie, but... That's one thing I'll say for me. Nobody can cook fish any better than Birdie. Anytime you get them cleaned. Birdie, that's not cooperating. Mr. Giffley, when I cook steak, I don't dress no sin. You know who takes care of that? Mr. Kansas City? They've got to be... That's right. They've got to be cleaned before they cook. And I said, ready to cook them, just edit them. Because that's one thing you can count on from Birdie. Call operation. Who, operation? Well, maybe I can give them to a neighbor. Still, as Birdie said, there's a beautiful string of fish. Naturally, I wouldn't have my picture taken with them, but I may just go downtown for a minute and show them to the boys. Right, how's business? Well, I can't kick, Commissioner. How about a haircut today? Oh, thanks. What do you think of these? Hey, bass. They're beautiful. Yeah, quite a string. Catch all those yourself? Well, true sportsman doesn't like to gloat. But who do you suppose caught them? Gosh, why didn't you ask me to go? Well, I took the boy along. You took the kid out. That's great stuff, Commissioner. Did he catch any? Oh, yes. How many? Well, as a matter of fact, he caught exactly this many. Well, I'll be done. I didn't know they were biting. Yeah, you've got to know how to catch employed. Look at this big one. Yeah. Look, I don't want to rush you out of the shop, Commissioner. But you're going to take them home now? Well, I had them home, but nobody was very interested in them. It wasn't. Hey, I got an idea. Lovey's out of town. Why don't we have a fish fry over at the house tonight? Fish fry? Sure. Invite all the Jolly Boys over. It's Saturday night. We'll throw a wing ding. Yeah, it sounds great. I'll go around and invite the Jolly Boys. Okay. While you clean the fish. Wait a minute. Commit. You're handy with a razor, Floyd. You can scale them in a jiffy. Me? A licensed barber? Scraped fish? What do you want me to do? Lose my professional standing? But Floyd? Kind of a clientele that people think I got. Come in here and find fish scales all over the floor. Well, they have to be clean. And the man who furnishes the fish shouldn't have to clean them. Okay. You caught them. I furnished the house. Let somebody else clean them. How about the peeve? The peevee? Yeah, he's got the equipment there at the soda fountain. I bet he could clean them between customers. I don't know if peeve will go for that, Floyd. Oh, you can convince him. Commit. Come on. I'll show you and the fish out the door. It should have a lot of fun at Floyd's tonight if I can ever get these fish clean. Yeah, better keep them behind my back until I find out how the peevee feels about such things. Hello, peevee. Hello, Mr. Jonathan. Beautiful day. And so? Yeah, it's been beautiful all day. No, it's great. You bet. There's one. Birds have been singing. Fish have been biting. I've been too busy to notice. What can I do for you, Mr. Jonathan? Well, nothing. peevee, you know I went out to Grass Lake this morning. Any luck? Any luck. Peevee, take a look at these. Yeah. Do you ever see a more beautiful string of fish? Never in my drugstore. Did you catch all those, Mr. Jonathan? Did I catch them? Well, here they are. My, my. The Jolly Boys are going to have a big fish fry tonight. I'm furnishing the fish and Floyd's furnishing the house. I guess you'd like to come. Yes, you would. Great. Then I imagine you'd like to cooperate with us and clean the fish. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. I'm telling you what I wouldn't do, you know. I'll furnish the coax. Who's going to clean the fish, Peevee? Have you tried Chief Gates down at the jail? He's a nice, amiable Jolly Boy, the chief. Say, he might clean them. He probably has an empty cell you can use. I don't imagine the prisoners are in any position to object. Yeah, good idea, Peevee. Bring the coax and we'll see you at Floyd's tonight. Yeah, well, Mr. Jonathan. Are you surprised that Leroy caught those fish? What I can do is clean them after you've caught them. Well, you must be quite a fisherman to pull in big ones like these. Well, you got to know how to do it. How'd you happen to go out, Commissioner? Oh, Leroy wanted to go and I nearly didn't take him. Discipline. Nothing serious, I hope. No, no. I just caught him in a little white lie about his piano practice. Well, you have to watch those little eyes. Sometimes they can grow pretty big. Oh, yes. Well, gentlemen, the game warden. What are you doing here in the cell, Chief? Cleaning fish. How are you, George? Fine, fine. Just came in to report a few game law violations. Well, hello, Water Commissioner. Hello, Mr. Warden. Hey, that's a beautiful string of bass you caught there, Chief. Well, I'd like to say I caught them, but that wouldn't be the honest thing to say. Mr. Gildersleeve here caught them. Gildersleeve? Mm-hmm. Oh, oh. I'd love to catch up with a guy who gets tough with the game warden. Hmm. The idea. A city official fishing without a license. What's this, Commissioner? Come to think of it, Chief, I didn't really catch these things. But I thought you said that you... I didn't say I caught them, Chief. I just said I didn't. Uh, little Leroy caught them. I heard that story before. Well, he did. Water Commissioner, I'd like to ask you a few questions in the Chief's office. Now, wait a minute. Chief, you believe me? Mr. Gildersleeve, do you realize what an embarrassing position you placed me in? But the Chief of Police cleaning illegal things. I wasn't even fishing. Well, Leroy, he'll tell you the truth. All right, I'll call the boy. I want this cleared up as much as you do. No, I'm innocent. I've got a witness. You better have followers. This is Mr. Gates. Oh, hi, Chief. Uh, there seems to be a little discussion about who caught those beautiful fish. Yeah? At first, your uncle led me to believe that he caught them. He did. Now then, who really caught them? Not those fish and you know it. Well, sure. I'll be with us again in just 30 seconds. To keep fresh fruit from turning dark before you can serve it in your favorite fruit salad, do this. Cut it at the last possible minute, then immediately dip it into orange or lemon juice. That will help make your fruit salad attractive. And to make sure that salad tastes as good as it looks, make it with Miracle Whip salad dressing. Miracle Whip has a wonderful peppy flavor, a special flavor that belongs to Miracle Whip alone. Try it. Enjoy better tasting salads with the one and only Miracle Whip salad dressing. Hey! You nearly gave me a fine, Leroy. Remember, always tell the truth. I will, uncle. Yes, sir. You can't go wrong if you tell the truth. Now, eat your fish. I think we should all toast Leroy, the mighty fisherman. Yeah, that's a good idea. No, wait, gentlemen. I propose that we sing a song for our honored guest and provider, young Isaac Walton, who fared forth with rod and reel. No, judge. I thought you said a song, not a speech. How about he's a jolly good fellow. Okay. We'll do the singing. Do you want all the credit? Here we go. Me, me, me. Good night, folks. Patrick, Kim Christie, and Dick LeGrand. Musical composition by Jack Meakin. This is John Heaston saying good night for the Craft Foods Company, makers of the famous line of craft-quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday throughout the summer for the further adventures of the great Gildersleeve. Sandwich lovers, here's how to make some of the most delicious sandwiches you've ever tasted. Just spread that bread with miracle sandwich spread. Miracle sandwich spread is made by Craft, from America's favorite salad dressing, miracle whip, and spicy relishes to give you a spread with a wonderful tang. Use miracle sandwich spread along with the meat or cheese sandwich filling you like best, or for the quickest, easiest, thriftiest sandwich you could want, use it alone between slices of bread. Tomorrow, get miracle sandwich spread. Enjoy the best of Groucho on NBC.