 So I guess it would probably be good to, I guess, talk about the role of Buddhism, the role of spirituality in your life. So when did you find the concept of Buddhism and spirituality and what changes occurred in your life when you found it? Yeah, so I first discovered or was introduced to Buddhism through an Italian friend I met in Santa Barbara. We were working together on a political campaign. And she introduced me to the chant of Nam-my-oh-ho-renge-kyo. That was, I think, in 2015. So even though I attended a few meetings in Santa Barbara, and I had started to practice chanting, it wasn't until 2018 that I fully immersed myself in the practice by becoming a member of SGI in Salt Lake City and receiving my Gohansan, which is behind me right now. What does it go? Is that the black thing on the wall? Or is that the altar? Very nice. Very nice. Thank you. And it has a scroll inside, which is inscribed with the Lotus Sutra and names of, I hope I really don't butcher this, Bodhisattvas and other people who are influential in this Buddhism. So yeah, it's a powerful thing. It's like we describe it as a mirror, or Daisako Ikeda describes it as a mirror. Like the mirror doesn't brush your hair for you, right? It doesn't do anything like that, but it's a reflection. It uses light to reflect truth from your inner life. And so every morning we say we polish our mirror with the chanting in front of the Gohansan, which is what I do. And another important teaching is that basically it's not outside of me, it's inside of me. So the power is inside of me. I'm not praying to some God or deity and saying, please help make my life better. As I say my chants and my prayers, I'm calling within the power from within inside of me, my own Buddhahood. And so that's why for me, it's very personally empowering. And yeah, so anyway, outside of that, just in terms of kind of the trajectory of my practice, I would say yeah, I received the Gohansan on International Women's Day in 2018. And shortly thereafter, I think it was like the next day or the day after we started filming my movie. And I will say it felt like the universal good was on my side. I had this immense sense of peace, a feeling of groundedness. And the filming went extremely well. And I felt in many ways that it was because of my practice and because of taking this leap of faith and joining. Personally, I've never been a person to like to join clubs or groups. And I think it's important for me to mention that also because I never went to offend anyone by saying, you know, I'm not going to sign up for this group or whatever. It's just because you're an individualist. Yeah. And in social situations, I have a hard time with. So it's just always a challenge, whether it's church or another, just any kind of group organization. So it was a big challenge for me and I had to let go of a lot of my own fears to join the organization and become part of the organization. But it definitely made a huge difference in my life. It empowered me to make my film, creating a positive experience for everyone on set. And one of the most significant transformations in my life as becoming a Buddhist was the healing of my relationship with my father, which had been severely strained since my parents' divorce in 2003. So, you know, over the course of about 15 years of my life, our interactions often in arguments and hurt feelings. But I would say that the teachings that I obtained from my Buddhist practice helped me develop compassion for my father. And I started to see him not just as my parent, but as a human being with infinite potential who had known great suffering in his own life. That's a really, really sort of, I think that's also kind of a point in which I came to when I was going through that period of time away in Thailand. I did like you, I kind of got to a point where I was like, okay, so my dad's my dad. I've always seen them as this kind of all-powerful kind of authority, kind of, you know, superhuman individual, not like the other people that I see in my life. And so, I did kind of get to a point like yourself, I was like, oh, this is, you know, they're actually a human being, like anybody else. But I may know them and they may have a bit more of this kind of parental bond with me and want to support me in ways that perhaps other people won't do. But I really started to kind of think about the way that I interacted with them and whether I was sort of affirming them, whether I was supporting them in certain ways. I don't know if that came from my diving into my own brain about life, but it definitely did happen at one point. And I kind of, you know, I thought very hard about it. I think it was around the passing of my granddad. He died of lung cancer while I was away. No, he's a lovely man. He's absolutely beautiful with me. He used to come over and I used to like bring like a pile of books and sit on his lap and go through this like massive stack of books with him and he'd just sit there and read them with me. And whenever I was going to a competition, whenever I got an award, I would always come to see him and he'd have like a tear in his eye and he looked really, really like happy for me. And he always supported me monetarily, which is something that sort of my dad's side, granddad parents didn't do. So he was a very influential man on my life. And to me, he kind of, I think he cemented a lot of my ideas and my desire to help people into my head. I was calling with him and my mom and he was kind of being gradually increasing the dose of morphine that he was on. But he managed to kind of, you know, he told me to stay in Thailand and he told me to help people and he told me to learn. And so that was kind of that for me and it was kind of already feeling like that would be something meaningful for me and something that I wanted to grow on. And so, yeah, that happened. And yeah, it's strange, isn't it? When that kind of that switch gets flaked and you're like, oh, my parents are people. Yes, it is. It's very strange. But I read a quote once that said, you know, one thing that we can aspire to as children is to one day, hopefully be friends with our parents, be friends with our siblings. I like that. Me too. So that was, I think, what happened with my father is that he was very religious and we would often get in arguments over things and so I was able to focus on other areas that we could get along on or have conversations about. And that was art. So, you know, part of our reconciliation was encouraging my father to return to his art. He was hesitant to do it at first. One visit, when I came to visit him at his house, he showed me all these art supplies he'd bought. He was hoping we would paint together or I was hoping we would paint together. But then when the moment came when, you know, I'd gotten all the paints out and I got our canvases ready. I said, dad, let's go paint. He said, no, you paint. And he sat down and just started watching TV. And it was so depressing and it was so sad. And I could just sense that something else was going on under the surface. And I discovered later on, I think it was just another day I went to visit him, he started crying. And he said, Emily, I, you know, he said, he told me about this traumatic experience he had. He, you know, went to art school. He got his degree in art and he had this beautiful easel and all of these wonderful paint supplies and canvases and all of his artwork. And he asked to leave it. I think it is parents' house and the garage or the shed or something. And someone in his family, I think had donated or given all of the art supplies to like the goodwill or given them away. And he was completely devastated. And I think that was a main reason why he didn't pursue art for a while. And, but after talking about it, like I helped him sign up for art classes at the local community college. So he started taking art classes again. He got really into it. And his wife was really supportive. And so they started doing art together, like they would go on vacation and they would paint together. And he, you know, when I'd come visit after that, he would be like, look at what paintings we've done together. I've revitalized the passion. It can be very difficult when I think it's probably an experience that a lot of autistic people have just in general about you know, having these passions just kind of squashed by people in your life. It can really like, you know, people ascribe a lot to what you do and what you're interested in sometimes, like, and it's, it can be quite heartbreaking when, you know, it's something that you do a lot. And it's kind of like this central part to your, well, a part of your identity that you do this kind of thing. And it's kind of disapproved of. Yes. And I was got annoyed when people would say, oh, you're a hobby, you know, or something like that. I'm like, no, you know what, I'm a writer. And that's, you know, even if I don't make a lot of money writing, it's part of who I am. And it's, you know, it's a central part of my life, you know, more than some random job or something. But I do agree with you on that. There's a book that I recommend that you get or any listener here. Check out by Julie Cameron, The Artist's Way is a really great book. It's a workshop and it can help kind of work through some of those blocks. And the book actually kind of came to me. It was gifted to me twice. And the first time I gave it away, I didn't read it. And then the second time, a actress in LA that I know gifted it to me again for the second time. And I was like, you know what, I think this is some kind of a sign I should read this book. And so I did. And since that I've gifted it to other people and kind of kept it to a point. Hopefully they do read it. They did not kind of follow. Yeah, they did. Okay, good. Absolutely. So but yeah, no, I agree. And I, you know, back to like being creative and encouraging each other, I think this is why the Buddhist philosophy works so well for me personally and hopefully for other people out there as well. Or who might be interested in it is it's about personal empowerment. And also, every day when I chant, I'm chanting for other people's happiness as well. So even if it's my ex or family members that I'm currently not getting along with, you know, chanting for their ultimate happiness and my own. That's another thing, isn't it? It's like, I think that that's, it's weird, like the conclusions or like the thoughts that we've come to with like different ways, like different methods or ways through philosophy, because that's also something that kind of sprung on me at one point. I was, you know, as I was saying before about like understanding my brain and thinking about all the limitations of it and stuff. And the fact that I am quite secular, I don't believe that there's like a spirit. I don't believe that there is some kind of soul or anything. I do just believe that we are kind of biological matter. And, you know, having that belief, I think, although it can sound quite depressing to some people, it really made me understand just like people in general and be more kind of compassionate towards people. Because, you know, if I if I'm believing that, you know, what makes me up is my biology, my genetics and my experiences and my environment, then how can I really be upset with people? Like who? Like about anything really? Like inside? Like, you know, it's not like I go about the world and I'm just accepting of everyone doing horrible things and things like that. But I do have this general sense of, you know, understanding like the human condition or the human nature from my angle, which helps me. I think we're with that idea of like forgiving and also, you know, wanting positive things for people. Just in my core, it's not necessarily always at the surface, but it's something that, you know, I return to when I'm feeling particularly upset or angry or like discontented with people in general. Oh, yeah. And that's been really transformative for me because it has allowed me to kind of be like, right, I get it. This is, you know, how things go and, you know, that that's their life and their biology. Right. And so I have a bit more kind of compassion for people, despite what they're like with me and what they do, I guess. That's great. And, you know, I think there is more of a connection between our views than one might think in the sense of, you know, maybe even spirituality is just science we haven't figured out yet. Possibly. Because I am much more, you know, I do believe in a soul and spirit and universal energy and everything, but a lot of it intersects with physics and with theories, you know, scientific discoveries that we are learning about the nature of the universe. And I mean, you talk about biology, but even biology is extremely complex and, you know, matter is extremely complex. So I think, you know, what you're saying is absolutely vital and important. And even if one only accepts, I don't say like the correct word for it, but more of an atheistic view of things. I still, in my opinion, believe that atheism is highly spiritual in the sense that humanity is incredible or being human or being of the world is something remarkable and mysterious. I mean, I took the like the big five personality test thing. It's like one of the the only kind of it's these are a lot of psychological studies and things like that to understand people and the world and the best kind of putting personality into boxes. Not always the most like tasteful for a lot of people to use, but I'm very high in trait openness. And I think my kind of stance on things like that is that I'm not I'm not actively wanting to disprove things in that way, but perhaps things around very kind of, you know, particularly kind of religious doctrines and things like that. But in terms of, you know, spirituality and stuff, I'm, I'm very open to talking about it. It's just kind of the way that I process and understand that stuff is is more, you know, it's it's it's fun for me. Like it's like a bit like theories and oh, that doesn't sound offensive. No, not offensive at all. No, it's like, you know, I like to talk about it. You know, I like to hear about people's ways of, you know, thinking or feeling about the world. And I'm also very, very highly aware that, you know, the nature of of science is to be disproved. And I'm aware of the limitations of the technology and our brains. And when it comes to basing what I do, like on a daily basis, I tend to go towards things that I have more of an air of certainty around. Streaming services. If you have enjoyed this video this far, please make sure to like, perhaps drop me a subscribe if you want to see some more content from me, and drop a comment down below, even if it's something simple like an emoji or a or a heart. It really does help satisfy those big YouTube algorithm gods in the sky. Anyway, I'll let you go back to it. Okay, just in the in the way that I navigate and move through the world and interact with the world. But I've looked into stuff. And, you know, the idea of consciousness is very under researched. It's very, very difficult to really understand what what consciousness is for a scientific lens, because, you know, you can only really go by what the definition is. And even so, like, you know, it's how how does one generate consciousness? Like, is it something that the brain has? Is it a spirituality thing? Is it like a like a soul thing? Is it that there is just one kind of consciousness to the to the whole universe? And everyone just kind of tunes in from the round different perspectives? You know, I very much like thinking about like, you know, what what could that be? And, you know, it's it's very much something that I explore myself. It's just I think when it comes to like, enacting myself in the world, it's just that I don't I don't consider that stuff, I guess. That's okay. One thing that I find to be interesting. There's this writer named Rachel Pollack. She has a book. So you were talking about like the big five personality tests and things like that. I use astrology for a similar kind of effect, getting to know people, things like that. But anyway, this particular book is about Tarot. And she she talks about it's very interesting. There's a chapter where she refers to specific work or specific studies that Carl Jung and Wolfgang Pauley decided to to look at in the 1930s. And I think it was a study of meaningful coincidence or what young terms synchronicity. And what was that? I've heard about synchronicity, like there's some animes or like some films that I've watched that kind of center around the the idea of synchronicity and stuff. I think there's actually this really non spiritual anime about crazy, like martial artists, I think it's called like, I think it's called Baki. Okay, cool. And it's a very gruesome, physical, fighty kind of anime thing. Nothing, nothing. But they talked about synchronicity that better. And it's kind of like, go on, go on. I don't want to stray off into that stuff. Well, she basically says that, you know, we look at modern science, which is driven by empirical and observable causality, right? And we often say like, oh, it's an opposition to something like tarot or esoteric systems based on interpretations like intuition, archetype, synchronicity, things like that. But she's saying, well, actually, maybe there's some connection between the two that we aren't readily familiar with or seeing. So she addresses in this book, the distinction between basically like commons and dictated by science, and then more of an intuitive understanding that we can receive from practices like doing terror readings or looking at your birth chart through astrology and understanding the stars. And her, I guess, her position is that both realms of thought can exist in harmony or can kind of coexist together. Oh, definitely. Like, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's not like because it's about like, when we look at like randomness, right? There's something that there's this quote she has where she says like outside, I'm trying to think of like the actual quote, but I think it's something along these lines. It doesn't matter if you're doing tea leaves or if you're I Ching, if you're throwing dice, or if you're doing random tarot cards, whatever it is, you are cutting through human logic to get to a universal logic. And whether you call that God or your higher self or something beyond us, it's reaching into some other higher source and getting answers from it. And so at least that's kind of my personal philosophy on things is that sometimes our own minds can deceive us or can just keep us in a limited loop, so to speak, and that there is some higher consciousness outside of that that we can tap into. Sure. I mean, I think with with things like tarot and astrology, it's, you know, I've, I'm aware of it. Like I've had tarot readings before. I've watched a lot of stuff on on astrology and tarot readings and things of that nature. I think it's definitely not something that that I believe in. Like, I relate to to the ideas of like greater spirituality and consciousness and that we can't always understand things through, I guess, a scientific lens. And I think that there's, I think it in terms of like the utility of it for for life, you know, you know, to some degree, sciences or the scientific method is about ruling out randomness with things and trying to understand things on like a broad scale. And it's, it's, you know, from reading and watching stuff and then hearing people kind of debate stuff, stuff like astrology and tarot, it, it doesn't really feel to me like there's any compelling evidence to show that it has any application for life. I hope I'm not like overstepping my boundaries or anything, your boundaries or anything, but it's, it's not something that I feel or think is, is like applicable to life, I guess. Well, let me ask you this, just to counteract. So if if there are so-called masculine or feminine energies in the universe, and I am not talking about like gender here necessarily, but just passive. The ideas of masculine and feminine energy, like the chaos and- Chaos of order, yin and yang, you know, I very much believe in that. And so how, how I would describe what you just said is like, then that the scientific method would be the masculine side of things, right? And then the chaos is like where the creative comes from, where we birth ideas out of chaos, out of confusion, out of more of the passive energy. Exactly. And so for me personally, how I see tarot or anything like that is it's, it is very meaningful, but in a very personal way. So if I do a reading for myself, I absolutely feel the benefits of it, but in the same way that it's not scientifically conclusive, if that makes sense, you know, me having a specific routine that's good for me might not be good for you. And that's, you see what I'm getting at or like. No, I know, I do, I understand it's like, you know, sometimes when you don't kind of feel like there's any rhyme or reason or direction to things, I think having something to follow or something to provide input on something that can't really be explained is obviously going to be quite useful, I guess, in a certain way. I think. Oh, sorry, go ahead. Sorry, go on. Oh, I just wanted to read you this quote really fast. Go for it. From C.S. Lewis, from I think the Four Loves. My friend had posted the other day and I feel like it's relevant to our conversation. Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value. Rather, it is one of those things which gives value to survival. And so I guess that's how I would, yeah, that would be my interpretation of these things of whether it's tarot or poetry or anything that doesn't have like objective meaning, subjective meaning, I guess, can be meaningful. Yeah. I think, I know that there's, I think stuff around astrology, I think sometimes it can be quite vague in a certain way that it can be applicable to a lot of people, like a particular, and I understand that, you know, obviously there's different parts of astrology, like it doesn't all come from like one person and one like, you know, there's lots of different people who do it. And I suppose I'm just interested because my like sign, my astrological sign, I feel like I understand like that, that fact of it kind of being sort of generally applicable to people. But I do definitely feel like the sign that I have and the things that are said about my sign are like, very like definitely like applicable to me and like who I am and how I see the world and things of that nature, as opposed to the other ones that I've read or looked into. Cool. Have you ever had a birth chart done? No, I haven't. I'd be interested in having one though, that would be interesting. My sign is Aquarius. I'm nearly a Pisces. So I'm like, I think someone told me once that that was supposed to be like the Aquarius aspect of being quite kind of perhaps a bit like seeing all the pain in the world or something. I can't remember exactly what they were talking about. Would you be able to give me like an idea of what like an Aquarius person would be like, whether it's something that I would? I would say very philosophical, thoughtful, kind-hearted, perhaps attracted to someone's mind first upon meeting them and a nurturing person, someone who is supportive and cares about others, maybe a natural storyteller. And not a natural. Well, I identify with all of them apart from the storytelling. I'm not the best with that. I'm working on it. Cool. And yeah, with the birth chart, it'll give you multiple signs. So there's your sun sign, which is what I think you're talking about. But then you also have your moon sign and your rising sign. For example, so mine is Sagittarius is my sun sign. My moon is in Gemini and my rising sign is in Virgo. And your rising sign is how other people perceive you when they meet you. So Virgo, I'm like very much attention to detail with that. It would make me a good editor, for example. But Sagittarius, my sun sign makes me like the ambitious philosopher who loves to travel and it's an adventure. So it's just kind of like the dichotomy between the different ones. You say, because I don't think of myself as either of those descriptions. Okay, that makes sense. And we'll see. Someone else described it to me recently as it's like your thumbprint when you were born on the planet. You're psychological, but yeah, kind of like an outline of who you are. But then obviously, we're different too. But I like it as a, or I liken it to an archetype like Carl Jung says, we have these kind of ancient patterns, right? And so that's, I guess as a storyteller, that's kind of my interest in astrology is like looking at those patterns that helps me become a better writer. It helps me understand the world a little bit better. Yeah, I have looked into kind of like the archetype stuff and I think you know, the archetype of like the hero I think is something that resonated with me. Like I'm not saying it in like a narcissistic way. I mean, like for my own kind of personal journey with things, it's like a lot of my life has felt very much like I am fighting constantly. Like I'm fighting to help people or protect people in certain ways and taking on the burdens of things in my life. I think that was quite helpful for me trying to understand or give me some level of direction with me and feeling okay with the negative aspects that have occurred or are occurring.