 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the heart. I'm Jonathan as I have Jonathan as a comment I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic the proof. He feels emotional intimacy. There's a heart intimacy With you are really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms really quickly These are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you post in the group I shoot personalized videos just for you. So check out the link below to midlife love mastery All right, let's talk about the proof that he feels emotional intimacy with you I hope that demonstrates emotional intimacy by the way if it's a little bit windy today out on my balcony So if the audio isn't perfect my apologies So lately I've been giving a lot of thought to emotional intimacy today because what I've noticed In particular is a distressing lack of emotional safety in the dating mating and relating process And it seems like so few people are actually achieving emotional intimacy in their relationship and I think partly it's because The dating process is rather dysfunctional people are giving out mixed signal. By the way, I've got notes here But they're giving out mixed signals. It's dysfunctional. It's very selfish. There's a weak relationship skills for so many people there's weak relationship skills and I think it's partly because the dating process is These days the dating process seems like it's more about filling a void within a person whether to fill the void of loneliness or to fill the void of Physical connection with another human being and there's really a distressing lack of Intentionality which makes it very difficult To determine if someone is capable of emotional intimacy. So now my phone is ringing. So please forgive me So I want to lean into this conversation because the reality is is And I've been thinking about this a lot and I'm I'm not suggesting this as a way to scare people per se or to be negative per se but it's rather obvious to me that the process of dating today is Certainly it's it's a lot different in the past and quite frankly in the past. We we glorify the past there's a lot of Rome, you know romantic Expectations that it was just so wonderful, you know 60 70 a hundred years ago, you know, the pride and prejudice where the Emotionally unavailable man stands up and he claims his woman and so there's a lot of fantasy involved And certainly it was a different time 50 60 a hundred years ago was a whole different environment than where we're at today And I think it's really important to disconnect from that. I don't want to say traditional Expectations, although I think I'm going to weave in some traditional into this conversation but certainly this expectation around that the idea of Chivalry and and men are so, you know, men are going to be so a certain way and women must be a certain way No, because that doesn't exist. We live in a really dysfunctional world right now There is a lot of incredible dysfunctionality that's happening at least here in the United States and quite frankly across the world and I'm talking about Emotional dysfunctionality because what happens is and I think this is important to address really quickly for a moment is That there's this misconception as a person gets older. They become more mature That's certainly true when it comes to, you know When you're a child you can't even take care of yourself and when you're a teenager You can be rambunctious and certainly in your 20s You might be jumping off of clips and you know Snowboarding and being radically crazy and reckless with your life and as you age you you recognize that life is a precious thing And you become more responsible Responsible and certainly that's true. The older a person becomes they're more likely to be responsible in their life That's certainly true Emotional maturity, that's a whole nother ball game I'm here to really impart on everyone this understanding is that we as we age We actually become more emotionally dysfunctional if we haven't had really good tools or a foundation underneath us and Think about this today. I want you to think about young children Young girls for example using these devices particularly I'm particularly going to talk about young girls for a moment But there is this distressing Morph of humanity happening because of our devices and this is going I mean this is going to create a Whipple effect in the future of emotional dysfunctionality. I mean it's going to require for this generation I think the social media and technology is going is is literally bastardizing Emotional maturity and it's happening for those of us in midlife as well and certainly those in their 20s and 30s And so and it's making look at because of this for example swipe dating You know, it's the reward the reward that if you swipe right you get a reward and you swipe left You know, it's a negative thing and and there's this this Hamster wheel happening in the dating realm and yes, there are people falling in love I want to say that it is happening. So I don't want to sound like an alarmist and at the same time I'm hopefully I'm being a realist, you know, the other day someone asked me on one of my live streams What's the percent? What's the statistical percentage of actually falling in love today? You know, I didn't say what I'm about to say right now, but it reminds me of a line in the movie sleepless in Seattle where I believe it was Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks and their friend were talking and the friend says something like It's easier to be killed by a terrorist than find love if you're over 40 Well, that was a statistic, right? That's probably, you know, one in a million, right? And I'm saying that laughingly, but that's not really a laughable matter Actually, today we actually have a better chance because of these devices because quite frankly it used to because here's the thing I think it's important to understand Proximity plays a huge role in relationship success The closer to people live near each other the closer to people share the same values the closer to people have Mutual friends and hobbies and things like that the greater chance for success The farther apart you go in this area the more dysfunctionality So then you might be thinking well, why do people even connect anyway? It's because most people are living in a fantasy. I'm gonna pull up my relationship iceberg chart the fantasy that Chemist, okay This this has attraction right and that chemistry equals relationship success and what so few humans Recognizes that compatibility is about shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity And so as this and as you've experienced these the water line of attraction begins to drop So when there's so much emphasis on Chemistry It's putting way too much pressure for emotional responsibility in a relationship. I'm repeat That's putting way too much pressure of emotional responsibility in the relationship because not enough emotional intimacy has been built and I'm going to talk about what it's going to take for that emotional intimacy and by the way I highly recommend reading the book emotional intimacy by Robert masters I highly recommend reading this book to get a better understanding of emotional Intimacy and let me add to that a new book. I'm this is a thick-ass book I just got this but it's called the language of emotions. I think human beings don't understand All of the complexity within their emotions They just take it for granted like a Disney movie Then it's just gonna be all I have to do is sit in my feminine energy and the man will play me And by the way, I I beg on that narrative Because it doesn't contemplate You know this whole idea masculine and feminine energy and when a woman is in her masculine energy She's controlling and you know in a certain, you know and Agenda oriented. Well, by the way, that's basically saying that men when they're a masculine energy are Controlling and I don't think any of you ladies want to be with a controlling person and when feminine energy is within a man It's all neediness Well, then that's saying that feminine energy and a woman is neediness and that's not healthy either I'm a big proponent of loving on oneself in such a way By the way, my book what the heck is self-love anyway, there's a link below to get a copy of my book by the way It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So you can shore up your emotional maturity so you can actually lean into You can lean into a relationship in a much more healthier way So the topic of this is what's the proof a man? What's the proof a man feels emotional intimacy with you that he's actually your proof What's that going to feel like and I'm going to lean into that for a second And I made some notes. I talked about that um So Oh, by the way really quickly my t-shirt said people should seriously stop expecting normal from me We all know that's never gonna happen for those of you. I'm a contrarian I'm a contrarian. My advice goes contrary to public opinion My whole channel is kind of different than most of my contemporaries because I feel like I'm being a realist not an alarmist but a realist and And that's why I want to have real conversations. How can we stop this narrative of Fighting between the genders and finding our way to blend with each other How can we do that? And that's the conversation I have in my head Frequently to help people to help humans Experience a better relationship in their life their relationship with themselves and their relationship with others By the way, my copy mug says god jonathan got jonathan. This was a gift from a client of mine. Thank you so much for that I really appreciate it So what's it going to take? What's the proof you need? What's the proof that a man feels emotional intimacy with you? We're going to talk about that right now And that simple word is trust trust trust Now here's the thing a lot of people can feel and I'll talk about how to build trust in a relationship but a lot of people confuse trust with centered around you know Centered around fidelity, you know, do I trust this person is going to be sleeping with someone else? Do I trust this person is not dating someone else and that's a fair element within trust I want to lean into the deeper meaning of trust and the deeper meaning of trust is Does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings? Does this person care about my feelings as much? In other words, are they going to have my best interest at hand? I want you to really lean into that Really lean into that look back at your past relationships where it was emotionally dysfunctional There was mixed signals. There was emotional constipation from the other person Did you really feel emotionally safe? Did you feel like this person genuinely cared about my feelings and put My feelings not above their own but certainly an equal part of their own Because when a woman when a person a human being man or woman alike is feeling that level of trust That's emotional intimacy. That's emotional safety And sadly humans don't know how to get there because the dating process hyperfocuses on chemistry and hyperfocuses on sex And it's and hyperfocuses on romance And not enough of what I'm about to share next Before I share this and this is really critically important. So stick around if you're ready to log off right now It is a dysfunctional world out there. Don't be naïve to it and most everybody myself included are part of this Dysfunctionality. It's very rare to find genuinely Emotionally healthy people that have good relationship skills. That's what I'm talking about good relationship skills And if you're not familiar with my chart Emotional maturity relationship skills. And by the way, this is not a fact. This is opinion I believe 20 of the population has clinical issues And while it says here 20 of the population is emotionally has good relationship skills I'm being ridiculously generous most are dysfunctional I'm not saying this as as a way to I'm here to suggest to recognize That we are dealing with a lot of dysfunctionality now There's there's degrees of dysfunctionality as you can see in that chart, right? And by the way, most people can be in a relationship, but it takes a conscious effort And so what I'm going to recommend next is how do you build trust because that's the most important piece I think one of the fundamentals to build trust to think about this for a moment in the past 50 100 years ago it used to be if you wanted to get laid they had to get married There was a commitment a real commitment Dating today, there's virtually no commitment to one another people are just going shoe shopping shoe shopping trying on different shoes Trying this on. Oh, does it feel good? Oh feels good. But you know what? I don't like these shoes anymore Let me try on another pair of shoes. Let me, you know, whatever for women It could be shoes for men. It could be golf clubs for all I care Probably not golf clubs I think it's time to take a little bit of the past And twist it for the future. So listen, I may be naive what I'm about to share today This is just a hypothesis. I'm putting out there again I'm not here suggesting anything I say is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. Remember I don't expect normal from me I think when two people meet from a dating app and they like each other they go I like you. You like me. Okay, you say that to each other You actually say it to each other Don't expect the man to leave because here's the thing. We could be just simply chasing sex And and by the way, you know, there it could be there there could be there's a lot of duping going on between men and women They're duping each other. There's this game playing I'm here to say take the game playing out and say, you know what? I like you. You like me Would you be open to committing to getting to know one another? Let's take the dating language out of the equation and let's just spend time getting to know one another a Mutual effort thing. It's not merely men leading and it's not women leading. It's a mutual effort Of just simply spending a little bit of time with each other Maybe three or four meetings together four or five meetings together just to see if we like really like being with each other It's kind of an extended sniff test these days the sniff test is You sniff each other and you have sex right away I'm saying prolong that and spend a little more time just simply from a casual perspective get to know one another Now i'm not suggesting you can't kiss and be affectionate with each other. I'm here to say Take out the the need to to rush everything and slow the process down But you think i'm in a long distance relationship Yeah, it's going to be really hard to do this the further two people live apart the harder it is Proximity plays an important role in this equation to see each other on a monday night after work and grab a you know Go grab some ice cream ice cream You know go grab a drink or go for a walk on a saturday morning or go for a walk on a sunday morning together Just to spend time with each other just to see if you like each other And really learn good communication skills and by the way, i'm going to recommend a few books right now How to build trust in a relationship by claire robin couples communication guide by olivia listian, okay, and certainly i want you to read this book I hear you the surprisingly simple skill behind behind Extraordinary relationships. Why am i recommending this and i'm suggesting that you both do this And folks you guys know my rhetoric before you have sex together You should be reading the book eight dates to determine if you're genuinely compatible with one another because here's the bottom line If you want proof of emotional maturity then it requires building real trust with one another and this way of dating today is not building trust It's only progressing progressing the dysfunctionality and as i said before Not today. I've said in previous videos The number one emotional health issue for most humans is i'm not good enough I'm not lovable and i'm not likable and dating can trigger that because of repetitive You know swipes and repetitive dates that go nowhere So let's shift the narrative. Are you with me? Are you willing to try something different? And i'm recommending both of you men and women to slow the process down if you genuinely like each other This is hard. This might be naive. I'm maybe blown smoke, but i'm that's what i'm recommending today Because if you want proof of emotional intimacy, then you better feel like this person cares about my feeling such that They have my back They have my back. All right, that's my thoughts for today I'd like to hear your thoughts. Please post a comment below if you like my t-shirt my mug I do my best to read them all As always if you find value, please share this with your friends. Please like this video Check out the links to a discovery call or my group called midlife love mastery And i'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job the bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a friend a pet a teddy bear a pillow Here's a teddy bear and give it or a them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love And let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye. Bye