 I am James Swanik and today we're celebrating Tommy Golic, 37 from Melbourne, Australia. He is a married expected father. In fact, his first child is coming in about four weeks from now, which is very exciting. And Tommy is a marketing manager of one of Australia's largest retailers. And as we're conducting this interview, he is now 94 days alcohol free, which he tells me is the longest that he's gone without drinking since he was 18. Tommy, how does that feel? That feels great. Feels great. Something that for a long time didn't think was achievable. Yeah, because if you were drinking, if this is the longest you've gone without drinking since you were 18, what's that 20? That's almost 20 years. 20 years, yeah. That's a long time. Did you feel like you weren't going to get to this stage where you have power over your drinking now? Yeah, definitely. And I kind of felt like it was, I kind of consoled myself that it's normal, right? Everyone has a drink. It's fine. You know, I could probably go two weeks without alcohol and I thought that was a great achievement. But 90 and like with the feeling now that you genuinely don't need it, I didn't think I could feel that way. Yeah. And you were sharing before we got on here that as a result of being alcohol free for just 90 days, you've got integrity, more time, more energy and a much better marriage. Will you just elaborate on those things for us? Yes, I think the integrity piece comes from and one of my goals in joining was to be seen as a gentleman or to view myself as a gentleman. And suddenly I take a lot of pride in and got strong role models in that with my father and other male figures in my life. And I think I always had the gentlemanly characteristics. But one probably thing that was missing was that form of control over alcohol and being consistent in how I show up every day or to each occasion and going to a function and having a genuine conversation with someone and listening to what they've got to say rather than just some drunken conversation that might feel fun at the time. And then you wake up the next day and I don't actually remember exactly what I said to that person. And for my wife to be able to know that, oh, we're going to this party tonight. Everyone's going to have a lovely time. And not even the thought of, oh, am I going to have to drive Tommy home or we're going to have to carry him in or whatever it gets to, there's that reliability. So that's another one. And then moving, I guess, on to the marriage thing already had a really solid marriage. And this just makes it stronger. Because like I said, I've got that trust in myself. My wife knows what she's going to get out of me. And the time and energy, I guess, like the weekends or any day, you wake up in the world, the world's your oyster. And I've shared with the Project 90 group in the past that just say it's a Wednesday night and someone calls me asking if I'd like to do something on the Sunday. I would have said no, because I didn't know how I was going to wake up on Sunday. And if I'd want to go for breakfast or go for a hit of tennis or anything. And now I can answer that question, yes or no, just based on if I want to do it. And, you know, just going for a walk on a Sunday morning. It's just amazing how much more time I've got. And sometimes it's just sitting on the couch watching TV. It's, you know, I can make that choice. Yeah. How was alcohol first introduced into your life and your culture? Let's take us back to, I guess, what you saw or witnessed as a kid growing up. And then maybe in your teens, and then maybe in your early 20s, just talk about, you know, I guess cultural conditioning and share a little bit about your upbringing, if you would. Yes, I guess. Living in Australia, being born here, you see it everywhere. Any birthday you go to from when you're a kid or as you get older. It doesn't mean people are getting drunk. They might just be having a beer. And that's fine. It's all, you know, if that's what people choose to do, I think they can enjoy that and be healthy. And from my own personal household, my dad would enjoy a beer with dinner. And that was it. I think in my 37 years of life, I think I've seen my dad get drunk twice. So he definitely wasn't a heavy drinker or it wasn't part of our, what we expected from each other as a family. And then I guess as I got into my teenage years, it was that kind of, you know, with the boys on a Saturday night before you go to a party, a little bit of binge drinking before you get there for, or you call a bit of Dutch courage, you know, you know, a bit more likely to be a, or had that feeling that you're more confident, having a chat to a girl or you're more fun. And then as you get to 18 and start actually going to, you know, nightclubs, bars, restaurants, it really became the norm. Like, you didn't want to be the designated driver. You know, you end up getting to a spot where you don't have a good time without alcohol. And that obviously went on for whatever, 20, 20 years. And I think I was always a binge drinker, so weekends or a night out. And then probably the last few years I started introducing it during the week. So it could be a glass or two of red over dinner. And then I think probably the year before I decided to do something about it by joining Project 90, there'd be at least one or two weeknights where I pushed it too far, you know, and you're waking up for work the next day, you know, feeling like rubbish, you're thirsty, your brain is nowhere near where it should be to deal with your normal work conditions, which you've signed up for and you get paid for. And I guess even as a leader of the team that I wasn't always present, were able to help the team through problems because I just couldn't figure it out myself. I know you mentioned a lot of your videos and chats, it's that fogginess, you know, you can't sort through simple problem solving. And yes, I just got to the point where I'd kind of lost control of it. You know, I'd tell myself I know drinking this week, two days later, you know, I compromised in myself, I'll just have two. And then by the next week is back to a few nights of two, a few nights of 10, and I just had enough. I just had enough. I couldn't, it's like I had a control over me. I couldn't deal with it. You know, I'd resign myself to the fact if I was going to a party that I didn't know what was going to happen. I'd wake up tomorrow and I may have had six or seven and stopped it and just been a little bit kind of cheerful or I may have had 15 or 20 and just been a mess. And how long did that last for? Like until what age do you think? So I think those last two years were when I got to that kind of point where I just give up. I'm like, I'm going to drink tonight. I don't know what's going to happen. So yeah, probably the last few years probably from 34, 35 through to just after 37. So I turned 37 in October and I joined up on project 19 December. Was anyone giving you feedback that your drinking was an issue? Besides you noticing it yourself? Yeah. So definitely over the part that, sorry, the year before I did something about it, my wife and I had spoken about it a few times, not heated or anything, but you know, definitely making the point that seems to be unhealthy now and too regular. And probably a few friends subtly maybe not actually sitting down and going, I think you're drinking too much, but I think I can't actually think of what was said, but I was getting the message either way. And I think it wasn't, they weren't pinpointing alcohol, but I remember mentioning to you on an early call that probably a few years ago, my mum mentioned, you're really quiet these days. Used to be so kind of cheerful and playful and getting engaged in conversation. It probably was alcohol. Maybe she was saying that to me a day or two after I had a big night drinking and naturally that's what I did. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was tired. And yeah, it probably had that impact. And one of the consequences was that I think I struggled to, what do you call it, struggle to socialise without alcohol, become reliant on it. And probably didn't do anything about it because I was scared of how I would socialise without it. So you said your mum gave you some feedback. Did your wife give you any feedback? Yeah. So that was probably over the last year or so, just a thing you need to cut back your drinking. It's not really normal to be getting drunk on a weeknight. And like I said, it wasn't heated or anything. She's quite always really caring and not confrontational, but I could see it was getting towards her and getting to her. And as encouraged by you throughout this 90 days, engaged a couple of times on how we thought things were tracking. And obviously, when you do that, the conversational can revert back to the past and how you used to be. Because I think to be able to compare where you are now, sometimes you need to reflect back to where you were. And without realising, and I don't think Lauren probably realised at the time, my drinking probably was caused, well, not probably, it was causing her a bit of anxiety. So she mentioned that she'd go to bed and I'd stay up having another drink or two. And she wasn't able to sleep properly till I was in bed. Now, and that's probably just even just from caring, what's my husband doing to himself? Should be resting now, getting ready for the next day or whatever it is. So it's from an angle of care and love. Like I said, anything nasty or anything like that. So what was the moment where you actually decided to do something about it? And just to kind of expand on that question, because a lot of people get to the point where they decide that they're going to do something about it. And then they go ahead and they use willpower, or they use motivation, or they watch a YouTube video. And most people have the mistaken belief that they can actually knock this on the head themselves, doing it themselves without some support and coaching and accountability. Some people can do it. Most in my experience cannot. So two questions. What was the moment where you decided to do something and then did you succeed or did you succeed for a while and then fail? And what was the point where you decided to just kind of, all right, I'm going to do this Project 90 thing that this fellow Australian fellow seems to be talking about? Yes. The six months before I did join, I, like I said, I would have, I decided a few times after the weekend that I'd had enough. And willpower got me through four, five days, maybe a week. And I'd go straight back down. And then it got to kind of towards the end of spring and every weekend I'm waking up with regret, like, shit, I really didn't want to drink that much. I feel useless now. I've lost control of it. And, oh, one, one thing I saw, I think it was on a current affairs or one of those programs here in Australia. And there was a hypnotist who, you know, cured people of drinking and smoking and all that kind of stuff. And then so I did actually send them an email and they didn't actually respond to what I had asked for. They referred me to some online quit smoking course. And I said, all right, well, you haven't actually answered my question. So continue to drink for the next few weekends. And then again, I was totally over it. I was totally over it. I was just doing it out of habit. And like I said, I didn't know how to socialize without it. And on one of my morning walks, I was just searching podcasts about alcohol. And I found one or two and I listened and I go, okay, they're not too bad, but it's not really anything I hadn't heard before. And then eventually got onto yours and I listened to your first episode. And I'm like, okay, because you know, I guess the big thing that you do, the programs about is not relying on willpower, having and having fun. And I when listening to the podcast, I'm like, I've got no idea how you're going to do this for me. But I'm like, I'll give it a go. And I think I'd probably stalk the website a few times. And then eventually I put in a schedule to call with one of the enrollment coaches. And then the call was scheduled for Monday. And again, I'd had a really heavy Sunday drinking. So it actually came at the perfect time because I felt like crap again. And like I said, I've been over it. I'd been over it for a while. It was enough. I just didn't know how to stop it. And yeah, yeah, that was about 94 days ago. And yeah, the program just worked for me. It was great. How did you get through the first couple weeks? Because a lot of people say the first couple weeks can feel challenging. Everyone has a different experience. Some people are just like, oh, this is easy. I've got it. Other people are like, oh, man, this is challenging. What were your first two weeks like? And how did you navigate that? Yeah, so my first two weeks were Christmas and New Year. So I joined on the 21st of December. And probably by day, too, I was thinking, shit, I should have waited till after New Year. But I just thought I'd join. Let's see what we can do. And went through some of the materials, I guess, provided in the program, the videos you put up, some of the other online resources and joined a few group Zoom meetings. And I just kind of tried to embrace it and shift my mindset. And I think one of the quotes you use regularly is I can easily just drink soda water or whatever non-alcoholic beverage you like. And like when I thought about it, it probably wasn't enough for me. So I just tried to think, what can I enjoy on Christmas Day? And it was just some basic stuff. It was like, I love food. So I'm going to enjoy the food. I'm going to try and socialize alcohol-free. So let's give that a go and see how it feels. And then just be willing to join in things like activities and Christmas Day, people go to walk up to the park. And in the past, just say, you guys go, I'll look after the house because all I want to do is sit there and drink. But without the drinks, I'm like, okay, let's go. And it was nice. You go, you hang out with your family. And Christmas Day was just chatting with people and same with New Year's. I was away for that week of New Year's with another couple. And yeah, my friend was having a Scotch or a beer as we cooked the barbecue most nights. And it was easy. I'm not going to say I didn't think, oh, I wouldn't mind a Scotch right now. But it was probably good that I did all those things early on because I was so motivated. And then I'd wake up the next day and be able to think back. And I didn't lose anything by not drinking. I actually had a really good time. And I gained so I and I gained a positive experience. So I guess what would evidence for myself that I can socialize without alcohol. And now I'm waking up and I can do whatever the hell I want. So it was tricky. But it was easy at the same time. This is obviously those little moments where you go, wouldn't mind getting on that. But you kind of push it aside and it doesn't last that long. And yeah, having that mindset definitely took it away from struggling through willpower. Got it. So you got you got a child coming in four weeks, you know, if it's a boy or a girl, are you allowed to share or not? I would be, but it's a total surprise. It's something I wanted to enjoy together and just find out when it happens. Well, good luck with that. It's amazing. Congratulations. Thank you. How do you feel now that you're going to show up as a father compared to what you may have worried about previously, maybe when you were when you were drinking? Yeah. Well, now I'm going to show up the way I wanted to. You know, again, like I said, being able to make choices and be present. Now I'm sure I would have been helpful even drinking alcohol, but I probably would have done things begrudgingly. You know, I'm tired. I got to do it because that's, you know, my job was now I look forward to helping my wife out. And then you as like with anything that she needs, like obviously after the I visualize as our child gets older and they have needs, you know, wanting to go to the park, wanting my attention that I can appreciate it for what it is and enjoy it and, you know, even thinking even further down the track, which you know, even thinking further down the track as they get to their teenage years to be out there, that they can look at me and just say, well, Dad always has a good time when we're at birthdays and he doesn't drink. So yeah, I can be someone that they aspire to be like, you know, if they choose to try alcohol, that's fine. So everyone has to make their own choices and learn from things. But I'm just really, really grateful that I'll be at least providing the example that I hope they can follow. And what feedback have you received from maybe your wife or from someone else as to this new improved version of Tommy? Yeah, so from my wife, definitely, definitely, I'm just happier, calmer, like in 94 days, I don't even think we've had like an argument. So it's just that patience to work through things, you know, and what we say, I guess, respond rather than react and just kind of consider things properly. I've got the patience to do that. More energetic, more willing to do things, whether it's around the house or do some spontaneous things on the weekend that I probably wouldn't have done before. And yeah, I've just got feedback. Like one of the ones was from my sister and her boyfriend. We'd gone to a wedding altogether, family wedding. And obviously, I didn't I was alcohol free. And the week after I saw them, they're like, you know, you're still not drinking, are you? Like you had it look like you had a great time at the wedding. Like, you know, there's probably, you know, you're dancing, you're chatting, it's probably the best, like, we've seen you and like you look great. They're like, you look like you lost weight, your face is fresh. And you know, there was no reason for them to say that. Like, I hadn't said I joined Project 90. I just said, taking a break from alcohol at the moment, you know, had enough. And that was just unsolicited feedback. I was just popped over to see them. And was that my parents? Sorry. And they just brought it up out of nowhere. Pretty amazing. Yeah. And like other mates who just said, right, I'm proud of you. Like, I'm really, really impressed with this no alcohol thing. Yeah. And yeah, again, it's unsolicited. Like they just say it out of nowhere. Yeah. Do you feel like your perception of alcohol has shifted? And if so, how? Yeah. Well, I think the reason it's shifted, I was actually thinking about this as I kind of celebrated my 90 days to myself the other night. And I just, I think I enjoy being alcohol-free so much that I can say I don't like alcohol. Like I feel so great now. Like I say, I've got a lot more trust in myself, a lot more pride and self-esteem. And I have a great time. And yeah, even sometimes now when I hear of someone saying that a big night and a hungover, I kind of feel a little bit sick in the stomach, like that thought of that feeling. And you know, I haven't had to live through that for 94 days. And it's beautiful. It is beautiful. Beautiful to watch as well. Beautiful to see you share that. What's the plan now with your drinking? So I don't plan on drinking now. When I first joined, I did share with the coach, Kevin, that I envisaged a life of alcohol moderation. And that was very early on. And he did encourage me to just park that thought. He's like, yeah, I hear what you're saying, just put it to the side, which I did. And then as I've kind of gone through it, it's just not something I want to do right now. Because when I think back, there's no evidence to say I've ever been able to drink in moderation. There's no history of it. So I'm going to create some new history there and test it out when I don't need to. Yeah, my history tells me that if I have one or two, I end up having 10 or 15 or whatever it is. And yeah, I just don't need it. One of the things is I've found having zero is a lot easier for me than having one or two. Because having one or two, I've kicked off the process. And then the rest of the night, I'm depriving myself. And it's just a nightmare. Like I don't have fun. And now, like without even having any, I just can enjoy the night or day for what it is. So if you're going to sum up what you've learned from going through this process about yourself, what would those lessons be? Well, one that I can socialise with that alcohol, I can have a good time. That I am a gentleman. And one of the other things I learned is other people don't actually drink that much. So I think along the way, yeah, there's a few times I'm packing up after a party and now that I'm alcohol free, and yeah, there's bottles that haven't been opened that were previously open because of myself. Or even we had people over the other week and the most anyone had was one beer. And I'm offering because I'm trying to let people live their life. I'm not trying to convince anyone to be alcohol free. And everyone was just fine with water. So I think you've mentioned a few times, people don't really care that you don't drink. And I think that's a fear that we have when we first start, like they don't care. And one thing I've learned about myself is probably that I was a bit of an idiot in the past. And because I probably used to try and force people to drink because in a way, I guess I was bringing them down with me. Yeah, it's that kind of that drinkers thing. They say, come on, don't be a party pooper or don't be a pussy. And in the end of the day, those people weren't party poopers. They're probably having a better time than me. They're comfortable in their own skin and they're having a great time and they're probably going to do great things the next day as well. So now that you've completed 90 days, what would you say to someone who might be listening right now or watching this, who's considering doing on their own? Yeah, what would you advise them to do to try and get power over their drinking from here? Yeah, so I'd always encourage people to give it a go on their own if that's they think that it'll work and if they can do it. But if not, I definitely would encourage anyone to get involved in Project 90 or a group program because I find all the components together that made it so easy for me. So the group Zoom calls, the group Marco Polos, which is instant video communication with the group and one-on-one coaching, where you can really focus on personalized coaching or things that you need help on. And then obviously investing in yourself, so paying to be part of the program, obviously has a form of accountability on its own. And I don't think the investment would have been enough without the coaching and I don't think the coaching would have been enough without the investment. And yeah, definitely don't underestimate the importance of the group because in terms of what worked for me, it would have been probably the Marco Polo group, which at the start I would have thought was just a nice add-on. Then the group Zoom calls and then the one-on-one chats. Whereas quite funny because at the start, when I've paid for the program, I'm thinking I need one-on-one coaching every day. You know, that's what's going to get me there, but it wasn't. It's working with others. You know, going through the same thing. I think like you've said James, we're not alcoholics. We're not like broken. We're just wanting to change our relationship with alcohol. Yeah, doing that with others and working through what's working or not working for me and hearing from others was highly beneficial and really, really rewarding in the end. Awesome. Well, Tommy, congratulations again, mate. Well done on 94 days alcohol-free so far. Good luck with your expected fatherhood just four weeks away and yeah, really terrific work, mate. I acknowledge you for your commitment to yourself and to your wife and to your family and to your future child and wishing you continued success and health in the future, mate. Thanks, James. Appreciate it. Thanks for listening to the Alcohol-Free Lifestyle podcast. I want to load you up with some free stuff right now. So if you want to go to jameswanick.com slash guide, I will send you my quit alcohol guide, which has helped six-figure entrepreneurs and top professionals produce or quit drinking. You can also text the word quit guide to the number 44222 if you're in the US, of course. It doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US, but if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide, text the word quit guide to the number 44222 or you can go to jameswanick.com slash guide. If you'd like to schedule a free 15-minute call with one of my top coaches, just an exploratory call to see if or how we can help you, then you can go to jameswanick.com slash schedule or you can text the word project 90 to the number 44222 if you're listening in the US on a mobile phone. 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