 Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the newest TechSoup Connect Australia. We are delighted to have with us today Barbara Clifford, who is the co-founder of the Henwood Institute. I am your host today, Kat Milner, the Chief Tech Ninja of Create Your Change, and it is such an honor to introduce Barbara to you today. She is amazing and you're going to love this. Barbara is the lead trainer and coach in time management and is recognized as a leader in stress management. She is a highly experienced coach, international speaker, columnist, facilitator, and accredited mediator. Barbara equips busy business leaders, try saying that three times really fast, to make courageous decisions in pressure situations for the long-term benefit of their business, team, and personal wellbeing. It gives them a sense of order and takes them from chaos to calm and transforms their stress into a source of strength. Now, if you are anything like me, you are going to absolutely love this presentation. So without further ado, I'm going to hand you over to Barbara Clifford. Hey, Kat, thank you for that lovely introduction. Of course, we're going to be talking today about increasing your power of influence and negotiation. And certainly in the work that I do, particularly as a mediator, this is one of those skills that we can always be developing, honing, and it's going to be different for every different environment and situation that we're in. Now, I will often make reference to sales or sales techniques through this because essentially what we're doing is selling an idea, yes, getting somebody to buy into what we're talking about or what we're sharing. So it's not uncommon for me to sometimes reference sales techniques for that reason. Now, in terms of the work that I do, as Kat explained what I'm specialising is time management and stress management. And what I've found through doing that work and coaching for people for many years is inevitably I was coaching them in other things as well. So people might find that their time core or they're stressed, but a big component of that was actually their communication techniques. They weren't effective in their communication and that was causing them to be stressed or it was causing them to lose time or make up time to try and negotiate or resolve conflicts or persuade their team or stakeholders to do certain things. So all of these things actually impact upon each other. And I think communication is just one of those ones that you can't, a lot of these really, you can't put in your hand, but it's one of those things that is a very much a soft skill that we learn and hone and develop. So my goal is to give you some tips and tricks that you can remember in the moment. And it's really valuable. I really encourage you, whether you're live or you're in the recording to write some things down. I'm going to share with you some tools and some language tips. So I really want you to write them down because neurolystically that helps you remember them. It helps that to eat hard wire into your brain. It creates the synapses to help you remember it. Otherwise you go, yeah, that's great, I'll remember it, but you don't actually remember it in the moment. So writing down really helped with that. What we find, what I found in terms of coaching people, when you don't have those communication skills in place, it has a blow on a set. The top three there is what we see, overwhelm, overworked and over this. And it becomes an emotional roller coaster. If you feel that you can't assert yourself, if you feel that you're going to get people offside because you don't know how to negotiate or influence them, you'll end up avoiding having conversations. You won't be working at your best and you'll feel like an imposter. And no one feels, no one wants to feel aggressive, confrontational, salesy. And if we're forced to do that, we will feel like an imposter. We will feel like a fraud. And then the flow on a set from that is that you can feel like you're not doing a good job. You're not doing the job that you set out to do. You'll feel negligent. And that's where you start to feel off course. So if we can get really good at refining these communication skills, then even the people we have to persuade, influence or sell to, are going to value us because they feel they have a genuine relationship with us. One of the things we're going to talk about in negotiation is the art of coming up with the solutions that a person you're talking to. That's if you remember nothing else from this training, it's very much about that. It's really listening to people, finding out what their problem is and coming up with a solution that they're going to be happy with and they're going to buy into whatever it is you want to influence them with. Once you get these skills refined, it is so empowering. You're just going to feel on fire. You're going to feel really motivated. I just caution you not to get too cocky in that process. You'll feel like you've got it handled and then the risk that you fall into is then just doing things by a road, using the same language for every person where each person is an individual and you need to be different. So you'll definitely feel motivated but be cautious with that. And once you've got these skills and these tools and strategies, you're going to be far more strategic in the way that you work. And it's going to benefit the people that you're negotiating with but it's also going to benefit yourself, your business, your work. And more and more as you refine these skills, you're going to be regarded as a trailblazer in your industry. You'll be the go-to person, the responsive person, the person that people value and want to negotiate with. You will be the person that everyone asks for within your organization for that reason or within your business. And of course, that's going to just make you feel more confident and more certain. So I want you to think about, and I'd like for you to pop this in the chat as well, for those of you that are on the live, who are the people in your world that you need to influence? There'll be some obvious ones at the top in terms of work but I want you to think about everybody in your world that you need to influence and negotiate with. So if you'd like to type some things in the chat, of course, so while everyone's doing that, some things to think about, there's your clients, your customers, children, if you're a parent constantly. And yeah, Kat said my husband. Yeah, exactly. I really wanted to work with me to try and the dog. It can be contractors. It can be the bank. It can be colleagues. It can be your staff. So there's actually lots of people, potential clients. Jane said the handyman and the council. Yes. Oh my goodness, yes. Especially a few mediations, a really interesting one in terms of neighbours, right? That boundary line can cause great conflicts. Negotiating with the CEO, the manager. ELT, what's that Linda? What's ELT? I don't know what that is. Chloe, if you've just joined us, we're just writing down a list of the people we have to influence. Who are the people we have to influence? Oh, executive leadership team. Yeah, got it. And I love Linda that you've actually listed Kat said, does myself cat. I don't know. How disagreeable are you with yourself, Kat? Linda, it's really interesting that you're talking about people that hold the power as well, right? The people that may sit above you. And that can be really challenging because they hold the power. It can be a little challenging to negotiate and influence them. And I want you to think about what it is that you're trying to influence. Selling it or buying in is the obvious one. But sometimes we want to change people's behaviour. Sometimes we want to change their opinion, their emotions, their sense of safety. All of those things are things we want to influence or negotiate on. And why? At the end of the day, why? We're going to have a little conversation about which battles you fight and which ones you don't, which I think is really interesting as well. Do you want them to agree with you? Do you want to win an argument or a court case? Do you want to sell something? Do you want to participate or join in? Or do you want to step out? So these are some things to think about. And all of the trading around negotiation, even in terms of what I do as a mediator, is help people to get really clear on what it is they want. Now, again, if you remember nothing else about this, be really clear about before you start the conversation, what is it that you want to happen? What is the outcome that you're aiming for? That sounds pretty obvious, but sometimes people go into conversations without really thinking about that. If it's a difficult conversation, if you are going in to negotiate or mediate, then I want you to think about what are you willing to compromise and what are you not willing to compromise? Because certainly in mediation, there are no winners necessarily. If you go into a mediation wanting to draw blood or make someone pay or suffer, then it's not going to work well. It's really about finding a compromise or working out what you can live with. So even if you're going into those situations, you've got to think about what outcome you can potentially have in those conversations. So let's have a little bit of mindfulness around what that actually looks like. The most obvious inner negotiation, everybody wants a win-win. And win-win, you win, I win, everyone wins. That's the most obvious one. That's not always the case. So that's where it's mutually beneficial. Everyone's satisfied, everyone's cooperative, everyone's happy, everyone feels good. We know that doesn't always happen, right? If you've ever had been in a negotiation with your husband, you'll know what I'm talking about or your spouse. Then we have this situation. This is when one person wins and one person clearly loses. I win, you lose. This is where it's an aggressive situation. This is where you use your power or position to get what you want. So basically you're saying, I get what I want and I'm gonna make you get what you get. There is no cooperation here. There is no conversation. There's very little negotiation in this kind of situation. Now where this comes into play is if you pulled over by a police officer, you can try to get out of that speeding fine, but chances are they're gonna say, sorry darling, I win, you lose, here's your fine. As a parent, we sometimes say, no, you are not going to have that 10th lolly, that's a mouth, and then there'll be a tantrum. So I win, you lose, I call the shots, that's how it is. It's rare that you want to have this in your communication and conversation. Then we have, I lose, you win. Now this is where some people sometimes are just programmed to miss out. They're too scared to speak up. They're not familiar with their rights, particularly in the workplace, or they could set low standards. And they don't communicate, they might bury their feelings or opinions that don't know how to assert themselves. And that's a whole other tool in terms of how to use your assertiveness techniques to communicate your wants, your needs, in a way that's professional and emotionally intelligent. And people that don't have those language skills will really compromise themselves. The problem with that is it manifests later on. It can fester away there, it creates tensions, it creates stress, you can over commit to yourself. We've all made this that mistake of being too available for someone, saying yes to too many things. That is where we allow somebody else to win and we really compromise ourselves. That said, sometimes there are battles where it's best to let the other person win. Whereas those battles where you're going, look, there's nothing to be gained in this. So I'm just gonna let that other person win. They can win. For example, if someone's arguing over a table at a restaurant, you go, ah, what does that matter? I've let them out. Even though it's burst in line, I'm just gonna let them have it. I don't wanna argue with them. Or I'm never gonna see this person again. So what's the point of me trying to persuade their opinion? There's no point. Or fighting with somebody on Facebook. You're never gonna persuade them in a Facebook conversation thread. So just let them think they win. And it's really those trials. Let them think they've won. Then we have the I lose, you lose. We don't want these situations either. This really comes down to two people being very stubborn, typically, or two egos in battle. There is just no wiggle room on either side. And we don't wanna be in this situation either because people can get vindictive. If I can't win, then I'm not gonna let you win either. I'm not gonna let you have an inch. If you're not gonna give me an inch, I'm not giving you an inch. And so we don't come up with a resolution in this situation. I really don't like it when we get to these situations in mediation because no one's a winner. No one's happy. And it's not productive. And in some instances, it makes people go backwards. So we wanna let go of our ego and being stubborn in these kinds of conversations, right? Now, then there is, I win the end. Now, this is an interesting one because this is where someone has to win. Someone has to be the winner. And if I had you all in a room, I'd say, what do you think is the situation that this is most prevalent? And if we had more time, I'd quiz you on it, but I'm gonna tell you the answer. This one is prevalent in court case. Someone typically, it's rare that the court case does not have a winner. There's always somebody who wins that court case. And in these situations, it's win whatever it takes. If you were fighting for a family member, for example, there's some injustice, you would do whatever it takes to win in that situation. You would fight till the end. And so that is, I will win until the end. I'm gonna keep going until I win. It's people often go into negotiations like this with this kind of attitude, but it's not effective. It's really not effective. And the agreements that you might have will fall over because people feel pressured or pushed into it. So it's not the ideal, even though it may feed your ego and feel really powerful. And then last we have the both win or no deal. So this is the one that we do want to aspire to. Obviously win wins great, but if we have to wiggle a little bit, this is where we're going to agree to disagree or no resolution. If no solutions found that benefits each person in some way, then we're not going to have the deal or compromise too much. So this is where we've both got to feel comfortable. Yes, there's some compromises, but unless we both feel comfortable, we're not going to in the conversation or walk out of the room. The beautiful thing about this one is that there's no stones unturned, everything is out on the table and there's great emotional freedom in those kinds of conversations. So you can see just from this demonstration, there's no one way and there's no right way. It really depends on the circumstance in terms of what approach you need to take going into the conversations that you're having with people. Something that's really interesting about negotiation is how much non-verbal cues make a difference when you've had conversations with people and you don't like their tone. You don't like their body language. You don't like certain things. It's not necessarily the words that they're saying. It's everything else that they're saying. So if you have a look at this research, there's in terms of what impact only 7% of it is words. Physiology is 55%. That's body language and your appearance. Now, I hope I don't offend anybody by saying this, but you've all heard the term probably resting bitch face. So where we make an assumption about what someone is thinking or feeling or their opinions simply because they don't have a smile on their face, but they may not be angry or annoyed or any of those things. The best tool that you can have going into a negotiation is a warm smile. So not something that's contrived, but just the little turns in your mouth, not the, especially as we get old, it's very easy to look like we've got a scowl. So my mentor used to say gentle eyes, like smiling eyes, warm face. If you struggle with that, the other thing that you can do is lean in when you're talking to people. And Alan P. So I'm going to mention in a moment who's a body language expert in Australia. He talks about mimicking people's body language and using subtle body language tools to really bring people into the conversation. What Alan P. says is we can be very active in our listening through questions. So people know that we are listening to them by the questions that we are asking them. And we're going to cover some of that in a moment too. I actually wrote a book called Questions Are The Answers. And Alan, he says the person who is asking the questions is the person in control. It is really powerful. If you remember nothing else about questioning techniques, remember to adopt a position of curiosity. I'm curious, why did you choose that one? Why is that important to you? What's the most important thing you're trying to achieve in this situation? Alan P. So if you want to write this down, this is a bit of a formula that he uses, which is really powerful. I don't know if I would remember it in a moment, but if you ever go into a meeting with somebody, you can have these written down to prompt you to ask questions in your conversation. So for example, the first question you could ask is what's your number one priority? If you think about it, if you're going into a negotiation, you want to know from the other person, what's important to them? What's their number one priority? If you're negotiating an event or a borderline on your property, whatever it is. And then you want to ask, why did you pick that one? Because they're going to tell you something at the service level, but you want to know what's behind it. Why is it that one over this? Why is that the most important thing to you? And that's the other question. Why is that important to you? What is it about that is important to you? Here's a really interesting one, and this is a sales technique. It's called the take away. A lot of sudden, you'll watch for it now if anyone's trying to sell you something. What are the consequences of not having that opportunity? So if that doesn't happen, what are the consequences? In mediation, we do this as well. We said to people, if you don't get what you want, what's going to be the consequence? Because often they don't think about it. They go in there with, oh, they'll lose attitude. And they actually don't think about what the consequences are of not resolving the mediation. And so we have to put them in that mindset to be able to think about, yeah, they're not resolving this as even worse than coming up with some compromise. So what are the consequences of not having that opportunity? And the last one is, why would that worry you? Well, is that a problem for you not having that thing? So some really powerful questions there. And you could actually use that as a formula in your negotiation. If you're the one asking the questions, you get all the information, and information is power. If you're interested, Google motivational interviewing. It's a technique that doctors use to persuade and influence people to make positive health choices, to change some habits. So you'll be able to find some YouTube videos that demonstrate it as well. And you'll see how doctors use questioning to influence their patients to make healthy choices. So questioning is really powerful because it compels a person to actually come into the conversation to expose something of themselves. And it does put it at a higher order where we're not lecturing each other. We're actually finding out deeper things about each other. And we can use it to be descriptive and not judgmental. For example, have you thought about doing it this way? Or have you considered upgrading? Or have you thought about the consequence that might have on the client? Or have you thought about what that might cost your business long term? That's where you're passing judgment in a very gentle way. It's being a little bit more descriptive, but not judgmental. And it's very powerful to get feedback. So it's very easy as a leader to make assumptions about people rather than being curious. For example, don't know that you start work at 8.30 in the morning, rather than, I'm curious. We start work at 8.30. Is there a reason that you've been coming in at nine every day this week? Well, I'm curious to know what might be getting in the way. I'm being very blatant, but you get the idea, right? It gives you feedback on what's happening for that person that you're negotiating with or trying to influence. So again, if you want to write this down, there's just some really useful questions that you can ask people. I love some of these. I like, are you open to? It's not like, it's not too hard. Would you consider this? What are your thoughts on? That's the next one there. I love this one as well. So what you're saying is that, right? That's a really interesting one, especially in mediation. We use that all the time. We paraphrase what someone has just said. So what I'm hearing you say is that, is that correct? And you'd be surprised how often you misinterpret the message that people are trying to communicate with you. So it's a really powerful and useful one. Would I be right in saying, there's another way of saying that. How about or what if there are ways that you can suggest doing something differently? If you wanna disagree with what someone's recommending, does that work for you? Again, if you're wanting somebody to buy in or you're offering them a package or a product or a solution or what methodology of doing something, then this is a way of putting forward a verbal proposal to them. How does that fit with you as a similar one? And my favorite one, which we're gonna bring up later on, is what will make it right? This is really powerful for when people are really upset with you, complaining, really angry. It is an incredible one to use to be able to resolve conflict. And we'll go into that one a little bit later on as well. All right, so now I'm gonna show you some techniques, some simple techniques. Has anyone heard of the story of the boiling frog? Do you know the story? Kat knows the story of the boiling frog. Few of you, a few others might know. So for those of you that don't know, this is the story, it's not a nice story. But the story of the boiling frog is that if I were to drop a frog into boiling hot water, they immediately would go, it's like I'm gonna die. This is unpleasant, this is uncomfortable. I need to get out. But if I put a frog into a pot of cool water or tepid water and slowly turn the temperature up really slowly, they wouldn't notice that they slowly die. So a technique that is often used, particularly in sales, is the boiling frog technique. So basically we want to put the boiling frog into now. What that means is I need to, the pain that you're going to experience later on, I need to bring forward now. If you don't do this thing now, this is, you're gonna boil to depth later on. If you don't get out of the water now, you're gonna boil to depth. So whatever it is you're trying to persuade somebody to do in terms of changing the behavior, committing to something, learning something, whatever it is, you need to paint the picture for them of the pain they're going to experience in the future. So that's one methodology. And asking them questions so that they come to the self-realization about that is the, it is beneficial. A classic example is someone smoking. Like it's only outside. You ask them what's really important to them and they might say walking with their family or spending quality time with their grandkids. And you can say, if you don't quit smoking now, do you think you're gonna be able to run around and wrestle with your grandkids in five years' time? If you don't quit smoking, for example. And then again, that's a really blunt kind of example of how you would create the boiling frog but paint the picture of their life in the future. If you have any questions all the way about these techniques or methodologies, please make sure you drop it in the chat so that I can address it for you if you're not sure or what if or what would you do in this solution and I can give you some ideas and certainly anyone on the live can share as well. So what we're gonna look at now is the communication styles. I love using this picture. And if you grew up in Australia watching Australian children's television, you'll know what this picture is. Does anyone know where this picture comes from? Have a pop it in the chat. If maybe not, maybe you don't know. Yep. And then Sandra, you win PlaySchool. PlaySchool is a children's television program and in PlaySchool, they would have this little session where they go, we're going to look through the window. What are we going to see today? And what will we see through that window? So which window are we gonna choose and what will we see? And as a kid, I'd go choose the round one or choose the square one and inevitably go choose whichever one they want. The reason I use this analogy is the view outside the window is the same, but we each look at it in a different way. But we're all looking outside at the clouds but I might look through a square window and you look through a round one. How we look at the world is different. Sometimes we think people are nuts. Are you crazy? Why wouldn't you do this thing but things differently to me? Because you're wired differently. And you like to communicate in a different way and you like to communicate about things in a different way. So what I want you to practice is start to pay attention to the sort of things that people talk about and the way that they communicate with you. If you can pick up on this when you're trying to negotiate with someone, you will, they won't even be aware of what you're doing but you'll be coming to them on their level, right? You'll be able to communicate with them in a way that they relate to and they'll think, gee, you're a nice person. Well, you're on their level. So what we know is that people typically, and there's lots of methodologies, this is just one of them. So people can be very people orientated in the way that they communicate. So that means that they want to know who's involved in this, who's behind this, where's the credibility of that person, who's going to be on the team, who's going to support me. They're going to be engaged in the social processes, the feelings, expectations. Are they going to be embraced? Emotional language they typically like. So when you're negotiating with these people, think about how you can talk about how they're going to be communicated with, what kind of relationships they're going to have, how they're going to be part of a team. They should give you some clues if they're a people person by the things, the questions that they're asking of you or the things that they talk about. Then we've got the ideas people. And these people very much like the theories, they like possibilities, the systems of processes, they tend to be quite imaginative, creative, provocative. They want to be stimulated. So it's innovations, theories, concepts, all of those kind of things. Why are we doing this? And why do we do it that way? They're the kind of questions that they're going to be asking you. Process is very much how. So these guys are more the creative side whereas these guys will be more about them analysing the data, the strategies, the documenting the testing, the step-by-step instructions, the controlling, the logical kind of things. They will be more cautious. They'll want to know about the risk, right? They'll want to know where the risks are and how those are mitigated. So very much strategies, stats, data, how things are organised. And then we've got action-oriented people. So what's going to be involved? What are we going to do? How are we moving ahead? I love that kind of language. They will often be quite pragmatic and down-to-earth. They will like a challenge. What's in it for me? They can sometimes be a bit black and white as well. They want to get things done. They all want to know the end date, the milestones, the goal posts, very much involved in the doing. So the goal for you is to be able to identify what floats the boat for some of the people and look for the language and the questions that they're asking of you. This is, again, something cool to have as a cheat sheet in front of you. If you start hearing that they're asking certain questions, then you might want to focus more in, zero in more on these things as you're communicating with them on that particular project. You want to adjust your style. You might be, for example, very much this person and want to talk about those things, but they just want to know this kind of stuff. Has anyone done any personality profiling stuff before? There's so many out there. There's things like disk and mice, Briggs and different communication styles. That's another way. I've got a book here, if you're interested. This is one of my favourite ones on this subject. It's called Personality Plus by Florence Lydia. Well, I don't know, my camera's not gonna, I don't think I read it like that. That's a really, and she also does one called Personality Plus for Wear. So I'm very easy to read and she gives examples of how to be able to communicate with people, especially on those different spectrums and how you can be more effective in business and as a leader. What we're gonna look at now is learning styles. Again, this is really important, particularly if you're a leader or if you're directing someone or giving people instructions. Anybody that's been involved in education has probably learned about this. There is a theory that we each like to learn in different ways. Everybody has a predisposition. Sometimes we will have two styles that we like to focus on. And why this is important, that's the one personality plus Florence Lydia. Thank you for popping that in the chat. The reason this is important is that if I'm a visual learner, for example, I'm gonna try and communicate with you visually because that's how I like to learn and that's how I'm gonna give you information. But if you're an auditory learner, it doesn't matter how visual I am, it's what I'm saying to you that's most useful. And vice versa, I'm not gonna be able to learn anything new if it's coming to me the wrong way. So once again, we want to listen out for how people are communicating with us to know that if we wanna educate them on something, if we wanna influence them, negotiate with them, we've got to educate them in a way that works for them, okay? So let's just have a quick run through of each of the different learning styles. The most obvious one is visual as I just mentioned and a lot of people tend to be more visual. First impressions, we know that has a big impact in terms of how we present going into a job interview. We're always told about those first impressions, right? And that first impressions accounts for that 60% of our overall perception. Anyone that is a visual learner will really respond to body language and facial expressions to help them understand what it is that you're communicating. Visual learners really respond to images. So they like diagrams, mind, maths, probably lists as well, video and images. So if you're trying to explain something to someone, make sure you're using flowcharts and visual things or draw it out on a whiteboard or anything like that because if they're a visual learner, that's when they're gonna get it. What you want to listen out for is the language that they use. A visual learner will probably say something like, oh, yeah, I see that. Yeah, that's the language that they'll use. Usually we want to say things like, you're going to see a different way of doing things. Let's take a look at this. If you use that language with them, they're gonna resonate with you a lot quicker. If you are in a bit of a disagreement, you might want to use language like, look, I see what you're saying. However, I see it from this point of view. That language is gonna resonate with them more in terms of learning what it is and understanding what it is that you're trying to say to them. Then we've got the auditory learners. 20% of the population tend to be auditory learners. Things won't make sense to them till they're heard. If they talk to themselves, that's a good chance that they're probably an auditory learner. They benefit from reading things aloud as well. They'll want to read things through. And they learn most by the time, the pace, the inflection of your voice. So if you're an auditory learner watching this video, there's a good chance you're not paying attention to the slides. You're listening to my voice and the pace and the tone to really understand and learn from what I'm saying. And the information is gonna stand out in terms of the emphasis that I've put on words. Pace, the energy, all of the theatrics around my voice is what's gonna make you learn and understand. So you want to listen out for people's language when they say things like, can we talk about this? Let's talk about a different way of doing things. Sounds like you wanna use language like, does this ring true for you? Does that ring a bell? If you're in conflict, you wanna use language like, I hear what you're saying. However, sounds slightly different to the other ones. Sorry, listen out for the words they're using so you can get a feel for what it is that their disposition might be. And they're likely to say things like, yeah, I hear you. I hear that that'll be a perfect cue if they're using that. And then lastly, we've got the tunesthetic learners. This makes up about 40% of the population, which is really interesting. Now these guys really learn by doing. So the tunesthetic learners will love it when I give out practical activities, which we're gonna do in a moment. They like being stepped through a process. They like to see the stages. They love it when I use this kind of body language, where we can see the clear milestones and the steps. It was actually coaching somebody who was really struggling in a workplace because she was a tunesthetic learner and her boss was an auditory learner. So the boss would say, I've told you a thousand times how to do it. I've told you this before. Why can't you just get it? And all she needed to say was, can you just watch me doing it? So I make sure I'm doing it the right way. For her to have confidence in the process, she just needed to be taken through it. I'm taken through the steps and the stages or walked through it or watched while she was doing it. Body language is a big one with these guys and they love language. Let's touch upon, let's get a feel for that's what they will resonate with. And so if you're in disagreement, you'll want to use language like, look, I know how you feel, however. Well, let's get a grasp on. That's the kind of language you wanna use with these guys if you're in disagreement with them. So here's Thumbit. Here's a kinesthetic process. We're gonna take a little quiz, okay? What do you have your pen and paper handy? I'm gonna show you a series of slides. There's only five and there's some statements. So I want you to write the letter that aligns with the statement that the most aligns with the statement for you. So here's the first one as an example. I make important decisions based on gut level feelings, which way sounds the best, what looks best to me or precise review and study of the issues. So whichever statement most resonates with you, write down that letter. I'll tell you what AD means at the end. So just have a look at that, whichever statement most resonates with you, write down the letter. You don't need to pick one, all right? Just one, everyone's got that. Okay, the next one. During a heated discussion, I'm most likely to be influenced by the other person's tone of voice, whether or not I can see the other person's point of view, the logic of the other person's argument, whether or not I'm in touch with the other person's true feelings. Chloe, you don't have to put the answers in the chat just yet, just write it down on a piece of paper because we need to tell you them all up. It's gonna be five. So pick the one that most resonates with you. If I go too fast for anybody, just let me know and I'll flip back. I most easily communicate what is going on with me, by the way I dress and look, the feelings I share, the words I choose or my tone of voice. Pick one that resonates with you. It is easiest for me to find the ideal volume and shunning on a stereo system, select the most intellectually relevant point in an interesting subject, select the most comfortable sonar chart or select rich attractive color combinations. Okay, last one, my natural abilities are, I am very attuned to the sound of my surroundings, I am very adept at making sense of new facts and data. I am very sensitive to the way articles of clothing feel on my body. I have a strong response to colors and to the way a room looks. Pick one. Now what I want you to do is add up all of the letters. Now you can pop in the chat. Which one was your, which one did you get the highest scoring? This will be really interesting. Yeah, it's straight. No surprises there, Kat. So kinesthetic, you love the process. This is why we're doing what we're doing now, right? Jane is an AD. AD is auditory digital. So Jane, that means that you like to talk to things through in your own head, right? You go through the digital kind of, is the digitalizing dexterity. You talk through the process in your head. That's what that means. Lindell is K, kinesthetic. April is AD as well. That's really interesting. So AD is a real thinker and think through the process. You've got to think about it first, right? And then you'll act. You've got to think it through before you totally understand it and get it. You need some time to sit with it. It's how I understand it. Now, this is by no means accurate. This is just for fun, okay? But you can go and Google this if you want to and find out more about learning styles. But it's something just for you to be mindful of. Lindell, K, kinesthetic. That means touch and feel. So you're really going to get a grasp on things. You've got to get a handle on them. You love that kind of language and you want to be stepped through the process. You want to see the different stages. You love it when I talk like this and talk about the different process, yeah? That's what that one was. All right, cool. All right, just quickly, I'm just going to run through this pretty quickly just in the interest of time, just about ways that you can communicate with stakeholders. Now, this is a quadrant. So if you want to draw a piece of paper into four, this is what I want you to think about is where people sit within each of this quadrant. This is really powerful when you have to negotiate up, when you're dealing with people that fold all the power, okay? So people are either going to be supporting or they're going to be resistant in their communication with you, right? They're either going to support the idea or be against it. Or they're going to be very active in the way that they're communicating or passive. And we all know about passive aggressive too, okay? So what we want to do is look at how that sticks within each of those quadrants. If people are actively supporting you, right? They're being very clear that they will do whatever it takes to get this thing done. Yep, what do you need? I'm on board. How can I help you? We love those guys. They will do whatever's required within the framework, the procedure, the rules and instructions. They might even bend the rules a little bit for you and they really want to see change happen. They really want to get on board and work with you. So we love those guys. But we also believe it or not like people that are actively resistant because they're telling you what they don't like. They're telling you why they will not do it. They will tell you what their opposition is. You can work with that then, right? You can negotiate that. They feel that the risks are too great. And so you want to get clear in your questioning to know what do they believe the risk is and how you can work with it. You want to communicate what the benefit is for them and what's in it for them because they feel that the risks are too great. So it's great when people are resistant, clearly actively resistant as well. That's some support is dangerous because these people are basically saying yes to your face, but they're not really helping. They'll tell you they commit, but they're not. They'll do what's asked, but no more. And even then they won't do it fantastically. They very much stick to the rules. They're not going to bend the other way. You know, that classic video computer says, no, sorry. Yeah, the rules say we carry on. So, you know, in theory, they're going to be there for you, but they're not. So you've got to get them more accountable. You've got to get clear about your action stats and get commitment and buy-in from these guys. Really measurable actions, problem and commitment and buy-in. Really important. If they're going to say yes, make sure you know how much, when, how often. And then we've got the passive resistance. This is like the wine-turning, right? This is where people actually say that they don't tell you what the problem is. They're just not being helpful. They're putting blocks in place. These will be the people in a meeting where they roll their eyes and go, oh my, do you think that was a good idea? You want to ask questions to foreigner, what is it that you're actually resisting them about here? Why is this not working for you? And so, if by asking the right question, you'll be able to work out where their resistance is, okay? A great way of getting questions or in terms of negotiating and when you're having these conversations to know where people sit in terms of their support of you. I love these ones. If you can remember this, I like this and I like this, but I wonder if we could do this. So, for example, and write that one down, because it's a great formula. I like your ideas about including last year's sales report and I like how you've compared our performance to local market standards. But I wonder whether we could also include a market forecast to help us get more buy-in. That's a very corporate kind of example. But you're saying, I like this and I like this. What about if we do this? And lastly, just quickly, and I'm just rushing through these, so we've got some times for some questions or answers. These ones are great for handling objections. Feel felt found. Easy one to remember in the moment, it's an alliteration. So, this is where you're using empathy in your communication. Look, I understand how you feel. I felt the same way, but what I've found is if we do this or this, then we're getting good out of our problem. It doesn't always work, but it's one that's very popular to handle objections in sales or in negotiations. Look, I understand you're feeling really frustrated. People, I've felt frustrated in this situation too, or I've had a client that's felt frustrated. You're telling a story about somebody else and it means that you bring them into the fold. You're aligning with them, they're part of a team. The found is the proposition in the negotiation. It's the solution that you're offering them based on past experience. And what we'll make it right is a really powerful one because it's saying, look, I can see you're angry, I see you've got objection, I see you're frustrated. What do you want to see happen in this situation? It doesn't mean you have to fulfill on it, but they're at least telling you what they're prepared to put on a table in the negotiation and what they want. So, it doesn't have to be that exact language, but that's the ethos of what you want to put to people. So, just quickly in finishing up some things I want you to think about. I always like for people to think about what they're going to start doing, what they're going to stop doing, what they might change, or if they're doing something really well, they're going to continue. So, that's a bit of a win-win for you. Write down those four words, and I want you to write down, based on the training, some things you're going to start, stop, change, and continue. If you want to measure, I've got a scorecard that you might be interested in. This is an assessment where you can actually rate yourself against some principles of resilience, and it will give you a very customised report. Can't it just pop to the link in the URL link in the chat there? Anyone who's watching it, just write down that URL down the bottom, and you can go and take that scorecard and it'll give you a customised report. It's free. You have to just have to answer 25 questions. But if you've got any questions about anything I've shared, you can reach out to me on social media, or you can email me. That's my own website up there, so my email is simply Barbara at himwhatinstitute.com. It's going to drop it in the chat as well. But you're more than welcome to connect with me on social media. I'll connect with anybody, so you can connect with me on Facebook as well, if you want to, and I'm more than happy to answer any questions. But I wanted to allow a little bit of time on here as well to answer any questions that you might have. I did rush through just a little bit towards the end on some of those tools and strategies. But has anyone got any questions if it's on the live now about some of those techniques? Any situations where you don't know what you could have done differently? Then type it in the chat where you could open up your mic. Thanks, Linda. Linda said, all great tips and resources. Thank you. I'd encourage you to watch back through the slide as well, because I did go through quite a few. There's a lot there. Anyone else have any questions? Kat, do you have any questions of great? If not, I'll hand back to you. All right, it sounds like it's looking like it was a really thorough, it was a really thorough presentation. I have to admit a little bit of my brain spinning a little bit. I had to laugh because it's so nailed me when you're like, I would like it when I go, is this a chance? Oh, yeah. And I find that ironic that when I'm building out courses and things I always say to everybody, I'm going to lead you step by step through this process. And I didn't even put that two and two together. So thank you for that insight. So I'd encourage you to also marry that up with visual representation of the process, like icons or diagrams or blowchats in terms of the process you're going to take me through. And obviously the auditory ones will go, just tell me about it. I don't need to see it. Yeah, that's what I've actually started doing is creating videos and then having a printable handout that goes along with it so that you can go either way with that. Yeah. Yeah, total. So it's visual, it's auditory, and it's kind of aesthetic. Yeah, great. Yeah, perfect. All right, I want to thank everyone for joining us today on the presentation. It has been absolutely amazing talking about resilience and communication and influence. This has been absolutely fantastic. We are probably going to have Barbara back again for another presentation on communication. Next time I don't have the link for it today, I'm actually going to be putting this up on the TechSoupConnect Australia website later today. But on March 1st, market calendar, that is our next presentation. We're going to be meeting with Raquel Colard about marketing technology for impact. So this is going to be amazing. And I'll tell you, I have worked with Raquel, both in groups and one-on-one, and she knows her stuff. She has a book coming out on marketing specifically for women, and it's just going to be absolutely amazing. So everyone, please join me again by thanking Barbara for taking the time to meet with us today and deliver this incredible presentation. I hope to see you next time. So I, again, I'm Kat Milner, the founder and chief technician of Create Your Change. Thank you for joining us today with TechSoupConnect and we will see you next time.