 So one of the things that I've noticed a lot in our community is that there are a lot of women who are Accidentally kind of pushing men away or repelling men or they do things Where they're not even really aware that they're kind of showing red flags and signs that might give a guy pause To make him feel like maybe they're not the right woman for him And so today I wanted to talk about 15 different things. I know there's a lot of them that repel good men and My name is Matthew coast and welcome to commitment connection I have a friend of mine here with me today to actually talk about all this stuff. He is He is actually single. I know I know what you're thinking right now. You're thinking man You've got this Amazingly handsome gentleman here with you on the broadcast. How can I pay attention when I'm looking at this amazing? amazingly beautiful man Patrick But really one of the reasons I brought him on here is because he's a really good guy and He's there's a lot of things about him. That's really really awesome Besides his history, which he's a he's a retired Marine Corps officer He worked at the the Pentagon and he can kind of talk more about these experiences if he wants to during this and He's just an over all-around really good guy. He's he's Catholic. He's He's just he's a really good man and so I wanted to bring him on here to Discuss with you some of the things that his thoughts are about different subjects and and who he is and what's going on So if you have any questions, please make sure you answer them or ask them in the chat And we will get to them at the end But so what what are these 15 things that repel good men? And so the first one that I wanted to speak to oh by the way say hello Patrick if you could hi Yeah, thanks Matt Really I just want to say I really appreciate you having me on your on your show here This is this is a real honor and it's it's great to be friends with you and it's great to have an opportunity You know to meet some of the women that you help awesome, thank you and Absolutely, you are welcome to be here and thank you for for being a part of this because it's It's cool to have have different people's perspectives on and bring bring some other people that that I know we share a Lot of values and there's some values that we don't share And so I thought that it would be really good for to bring your perspective on some of these things So number one number one the first one that we're going to be talking about and is value misalignment and so Did did you want to talk a little bit about this one Patrick Pat Patrick's actually want to brought this one up So yeah, absolutely. I can do that so Value misalignment. I think it's kind of it's a broad thing first. Let me just tell you I you know I'm I come from from kind of rural, Pennsylvania, so and I live in Washington, DC right now and As you can imagine, you know the values that I had Growing up are a little bit different than probably the more common values that you'll find in the more Cosmos hot politics and City in America. So for me personally, I found that this was a really important thing When I moved here to Washington, DC and and what I'll say is that Values to me are important because it's if you're if you're looking at potentially having a relationship with someone You want to look at it the long-term effects. You want to look at? Whether or not it'll last well over a long period of time and what I'll say too is that This isn't to downplay in any way the natural attraction that you have for you know Remember the opposite sex, you know if you're really attracted to a guy or guys really attracted to a girl You know like women that I've been attracted to That isn't to say that that stuff isn't important. It's it's very important. It's just that for me I have to have both of them together Because if you have one and not the other then it generally isn't going to work And the reason why is because you know you need to be excited about each other But at the same time you need to have shared values So that you're able to really you're headed in the same direction Does that kind of give a broad overview? Yeah, absolutely And if we wanted to get a little bit more specific Values are things that a lot of times they're deal-breakers right like religion or Children whether you want children or whether somebody is in alignment with you in regards to health, right? Are they doing things that are in alignment with health for for some people? That's a deal-breaker and so, you know, where are the two of you growing in life? That's that's a really huge one that I found because if a man looks at a woman And he doesn't feel like the two of you can grow together and that you're going kind of in a same direction So that it at least, you know relatively same direction, you know, can can I even see this person in my long-term future or not? yeah, and so one of the things Patrick talked about was pursuing finding a woman who's at the very least pursuing spiritual growth or spirituality and Patrick's Catholic, although he was mentioning that it's not even necessarily that she needs to be Catholic. Is that right? That's right. Yeah, so So kind of follow up on what you said there Matt something that's really important to me is That the woman that I would be in a relationship with would want to develop her relationship with God Or whatever she calls that right she may not necessarily call it God But just kind of a higher power or a belief in that and that that's something that she wants to develop Her relationship with right her relationship with me is important But I'm looking to her to also want a relationship with God and want to develop that And that can be in a number of different ways right meditation prayer Doing, you know, just works a charity And so how everybody does that may be a little bit different But but at least putting a value on that to me is very important and somebody who doesn't value that at all That's that would be hard for me to be in a relationship with someone like that Yeah, absolutely For sure. All right, so number two is negativity and so One of the things that I get sometimes is women that are just really kind of stuck in being negative And one of the things that you have to think about is that negative people attract negative people and it kind of repels everyone else and and don't get me wrong, right? we all have our problems and But he you know, most guys they don't want to start pulling on your problems as well, right and start like Constantly hearing about problems all the time and and I've heard this before and I've seen this for sure and It's one of those things like So Patrick, how does it make you feel when you're around a woman who's negative all the time? Okay? If I'm around so so let me just say that I could be on a date with a woman and She could say to me Something negative, right? Like maybe she had a really bad day or maybe just something didn't go her way and I can I actually can be okay with that like if she just mentioned something that maybe is negative When I'm just getting to know her I'm okay with that because that's something that maybe is just something that happened recently I think what it is for me is when it's it's constant, right? It's like that's all they talk about is negativity Then you then you have to say okay Hey, you know here I've been with this person for less than an hour and you know whenever asked them something about themselves They just want to talk about something negative, you know, that that's a good indication to you that that probably isn't going to be somebody that you're compatible with And so so you're right definitely At least if you're you're having a bad experience being able to see some Some light in that or some something positive in that maybe that you learned so even if you're feeling bad You feel like saying something negative. I would encourage you to you know, just Try to look at it from the perspective. Hey, maybe I learned something from this You know and I can share that with someone that I'm on date on a date with That's that's some great advice there Patrick One thing I just wanted to throw in there as well is when you're negative there's this thing called anchoring and When if you're being negative all the time and you're constantly stuck in stuck in this negativity Even if you're around somebody who's also negative and they love negativity What's gonna end up happening is you're going to create an anchor with them where you're where they feel negative When they're around you and you feel negative when you're around them and that's gonna cause problems And so every time you see each other you're gonna feel negative and ultimately it's going to destroy any kind of relationship that you have with each other Just because of that totally and so number three moving on here number three is overly critical putting him down so Most guys they want to feel like they're doing a really good job when they go out on date like they're doing well and So one of the things that I've kind of seen out there before and There's kind of a cultural element to this as well, but there's this thing called like guy chick humor right where Sometimes women who are around guys a lot they'll end up kind of developing this sarcastic tone about themselves and they try to do this thing where a lot of guys when they hang out they'll like kind of bust on each other or whatever and I've seen that women do that sometimes when they go out on dates where they'll just like make fun of each other all the time and Like for most guys, I don't think most guys want to experience that all the time like sometimes It's okay. Sometimes, you know, whatever, but if you're doing it all the time It kind of turns into this thing where it's like, you know, I think for maybe you can speak to this Patrick But I think for some people it's like, you know, they feel like they can't even really open up because they're They're just waiting to be made fun of again Definitely. Yeah, good point. You brought up Matt, you know, so I I obviously I spent some time in the Marine Corps and Was got used to a culture of hey, we would bust each other's balls all the time, right? So kind of male on male humor was almost constantly making fun of each other I would say as a rule as a general rule like when I go on a date and if a woman will bust on me I'm okay with that. Like I kind of think it's fun and funny And I'll kind of maybe maybe ban her back a little bit with her and see where she's at, you know But I would think that if you're if you're going to do that You should be willing to to accept that kind of humor too like don't don't be ball busting and then at the same time You know feel like you're really offended if somebody tries to tease you back Because it's just it didn't it just creates a dynamic where it's it's a little bit difficult to communicate I would agree with you to Matt that You know it If if I'm out with a girl if I'm getting to know her really well even if I've gone on several dates if if if the ball busting is constant It can be fun, but it can be a little bit shallow too. It's it's like you're just it's constant humor or constant sarcasm and At some point you're gonna have to have a real conversation with them And so that's that's I think follows up well on your comment about You know not always, you know using this kind of humor because it's okay. It's like a spice You know you want to throw it in there every now and then and have fun with it But but when it's constant you it's kind of overdone Yeah, yeah For sure. All right, let's move to number four number four is Expectations and mind reading which is we were talking about this a little bit earlier And it's kind of a more kind of wide base of things but Thinking he should know what you want to do or how you work or what you think he should be doing Right every woman has different I hear this all the time where women will say things like men know what they should be doing They're not doing it though or you know, whatever right and it's it's kind of one of those things We all have unique personalities our own likes and dislikes our own expectations and stuff about How You know, we want to experience the Relationship or a dating experience. What do you have to say about this Patrick? Okay? So this is actually one of my favorites because I can tell you that without a doubt I do prefer to date women that tell me how they feel right away And and by that I'm saying that if something comes up on their mind, they're gonna tell me immediately I'm including if it bothers them and and while to some guys and even to me sometimes it can be a little bit irritating And that's that's okay I find that much better because the lines of communication are open and she's getting it off her chest right away She's telling me right away because the the opposite of that is Kind of bottling it up I'm not gonna say anything because I don't want to upset him or upset the apple cart And then it kind of builds over time and then there's this maybe resentment or anger that builds over time And then it comes out at some point and it's something that takes a lot more time to recover from Instead of just bringing it up right away where we can address it immediately And you know if I said something maybe where I came across You know offensive or something I can apologize right away or the same for her But but I just feel like communication is so important and and when it breaks down to The willingness to repair it right. It's like if something if there was a misunderstanding Just the willingness to say you know what I'm gonna give I'm gonna give her the benefit of the doubt Or I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt and say, you know that I can see it that way And and be willing to say hey, you know, let's let's really repair this Let's fix it move on, you know not not to dwell on any anything that that Really either wasn't intended or is easy to fix if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah open communication I mean, it's it's it's one of those things where I hear this a lot in our community where women are like, okay You know, she's like trying to figure out what a guy means Or she's trying to like figure out these clues or they'll be like, okay, what's he trying to tell me and it's like, right? How about you? Talk to him Have you tried talking to him about this, you know, it's right. It's one of those things, you know we can play, you know private detective or whatever, you know private eye and You know look for clues and try to discover what's going on and and make up all these stories about it And all this kind of stuff or we can just like talk to each other like human beings figure out what's going on, you know, and I found that that's far more valuable to Relationships to me to everybody Definitely that you know something that something I can add to that real quick was I think generally culturally There's a little bit more of a stigma attached to a woman being upfront about something that a man being upfront about it, right? Because You know women it's as if they can't just come right out and say something And and and I would say that especially if you're already in a relationship It's good to do that and even if you're not even if you're just meeting someone if you like a guy Ask him out, you know, don't feel like he has to ask you out If you you know or if you make yourself make it clear to him that you're interested in some way Even if you aren't directly asking him out, you know, if you're not comfortable with doing that Just make it, you know clear to him that you're interested and that will definitely you know if he isn't too much of a You know, but don't still be able to figure out whether or not, you know, you're you're interested I've been playing it's not as a riding and I was younger. I didn't get a clue, you know, so that's no I trust me I totally know and and I talk about this a lot, right? There's it's the attainability thing, right? A lot of women sometimes they're they're so kind of caught up in leaning back And you know not showing too much interest and all this stuff that what ends up happening is that the guy doesn't even realize She's interested in them. Exactly. So he's like, he's like, oh, I thought you weren't interested And that's why I didn't ask her out on another date because I had no idea She wanted to go on another day and some women and we're gonna talk about this a little bit more in a minute here So I'm just gonna keep moving forward All right. So number five is never happy, right? Nothing I can do will ever make you happy and I mean, there's a whole lot of reasons why this is kind of a bad thing and one of the big ones is that Is that guys want to make women happy, right? Like it's if a woman is easy to make happy He like he'll feel better about himself, right? Because a lot of guys and I think it's kind of on a subconscious level is We're trying to like bring them through a good experience and we want to show them that we're a good man and that we can You know, we'll we'll make sure that they're safe and protected and that they're feeling good and that they're having a great experience with them, right and you're taking care of that. Yeah, and So if you're if it's really difficult like you're never ever happy It's like for a lot of guys they'll feel like they're drained like there's nothing they can ever do like it's you know It's it's never gonna work because it's just too exhausting to be around you. Yep. Yep I would say that's something that's really important Matt is the idea that you know When I think about being in a relationship with a woman, it's like I'm this, you know, I'm gonna take care of her like I'm totally going to You know, whatever experience we're going through. I'm it's like sometimes I really want to plan it out So it just goes really really well. So she has a wonderful experience, but we're having a great experience together and when You know, I've been in relationships too before where you try to do that and It was just it's just very difficult for her to to be happy and and to a certain degree some of that is beyond your control as a man, right because it's like happiness at the end of the day happiness really is a decision and Just being happy with what you have I think is really critical Even if it doesn't always go the way you planned it to go, you know, or but always being able to see, you know The positive in that and I think sometimes That that definitely can drive a good guy away if he's trying to put a lot of effort into something to really make it well for her for both of them and And she just doesn't really see the value in it, but I'm sure that it's the same way with women, so yeah Absolutely, absolutely, and that's one of those things like we were talking about What, you know turns men off but a lot of these things turn women off as well and we're talking to women So that doesn't always get brought up, but I do want to bring that up Also, I just wanted to mention too that if you're interested in learning more about Patrick There's a link above or below Above or below this this video right now depending on where you're watching it where you can check out what Patrick's doing right now He's he's currently he does financial advice and he helps people You know with different investment strategies and stuff like that if you're interested you can go check out his website and learn more about him And what he does so there's that alright, so also number six So we're on number six and number six is she needs to be right right huge turnoff fighting to prove that She's right all the time getting stuck on something just to show that she's right and Really more than anything this is kind of a maturity thing and I think the Not the necessarily the older you get but the the more mature you get the more you realize that You're probably wrong a lot. I Used to think I was right all the time and then reality started hitting me and it was like, oh, yeah I guess I'm not I'm not right and it can be hard to like let go of that right? It can be really difficult, which is why it's such a maturity type of thing Absolutely. Yeah, you know Something that I remember When I I learned it several years ago, but I didn't really take it to heart until a little while after that was Seeing value in conversation kind of for its own sake right like I I go into a conversation or into a discussion or even a spirited, you know debate with someone looking to learn something and I Really want to challenge like I really value Someone who is open to learning and is open to challenging their beliefs because I'm open to challenging You know mine and I want to hear what someone has to say even if it's something that I may Gonna write right off the bat feel like I disagree with I'm still gonna listen to them Especially if I'm friends with them or I care about them I'm gonna want to hear them out because they believe very strongly about something. I want to hear them But I always remember the principle What was it was it's not it's what's right? It's not who's right and I always kind of always stuck with me because then I said, you know what? This is that's a really good good principle to live by because then then when I sit down and have a discussion with someone It's more fulfilling. You know, it's like, okay, I can I can be wrong, you know, I can be wrong a lot You know, I probably be wrong most of the time and and still You gain so much value when you open yourself up to the possibility of being wrong that when you're with someone Who can't be that way? It's just difficult to have a conversation You can still gain value from a conversation with them, but it's just more difficult Yeah, for sure for sure, but it's yeah when yeah, I mean I could talk about that all day long So we'll just move on to the next one. All right, so trying to lock him down way too early This is number seven trying to lock him down too early. So so I've seen I've seen this one in so many different forms rear. It's ugly head and You know, one of them is like talking online, but you want to be exclusive already Right like you're just talking you guys are just talking online and the woman's like, you know Well, I don't talk to more than one person at a time and you know So you better and it's like, you know, I've had women tell me that they were ghosted by a guy and I'm like You know, did you talk to each other and you're like, oh well, he asked me a question online and you're like Was that it? Yeah, now he ghosted me and you're like, okay You know, I mean, it's like is that he is that even ghosting really or like two weeks in and you're asking him What you are to each other or trying to put a label on him too soon that can just it can just come off as really desperate really clingy really Like you don't see your own value and like you're you're just so desperate to get some guy in this spot of my boyfriend That you're like just grabbing him and putting them there He he broke up with me on Instagram. I was expecting it on Facebook Exactly, exactly. Yeah, I you know Matt, it's I think it's a it's a good a good point to bring up because I'm trying to think here, you know, I like if I if I met someone that I really like and and even if a couple weeks into it There they may mention some things about potentially a relationship that that wouldn't drive me away Like just them bringing it up wouldn't drive me away But what I would say is is that if they're like you're saying if they just met you online and your online communication is the only thing you've had or If you've met and gone on a couple of dates and they're immediately I guess maybe trying to become a little bit controlling That could be an indication of a problem It's just it's not necessarily that it would drive me away right away, but it's kind of an indication of you know is this person You know, are they happy being alone by themselves already? You know and that's something too that I think I look for is is this person happy with their life already? And if they're not like do they need to be in a relationship in order to be happy because if they have to be in a relationship That probably isn't good for either of you, right? Yeah, no And one of the things I wanted to point out that Patrick just said here was he was talking about like bringing up this Conversation of what she's looking for and notice how he said notice that he said that he wouldn't be totally turned off If you were talking about the fact that you were looking for a relationship and why is that right? Why is that? It's because Patrick himself is looking for a relationship and so it's not like it's gonna freak him out like oh you're looking for a little relationship I'm looking for a relationship like that's it's normal conversation to have and it's it's a concern if you bring that conversation up and and he starts freaking out and he's like What's the relationship and then he like starts running out the door right that that is concerning That's a real concern to have because it it shows that that that he's not actually looking for that and so that you know It's And you can convince a guy of this if you really want to but I'd suggest staying away from that strategy Yep, so alright, so let's go on to the next one number eight is judging him without knowing him So people make meaning out of everything right and I hear this all the time women kind of looking at different things and being like there there's a Conversation In our community the other day where this woman Posted these these text messages from this guy and it was it was literally like hey What's up? Haven't talked to you in a while like we should meet up for a drink and there was like these Comments that we're like, you know, he's just a player and he's just looking to hook up and he's you know this and he's that I'm like, how did you get that out of those three lines of text that? you know, it's it's just it's it can be a huge turnoff right especially if you're kind of turning this guy into all of your ex-boyfriends that you hate and You know throwing that on to him and making all this meaning out of it and stuff And there's there's a beautiful thing that one of the women in our community said today and it was something about How you shouldn't You shouldn't have a conversation living in the past but instead to have a conversation coming from the moment and what she was talking about was how a lot of people will Drag their past into their conversation and then just judge people with it And and it can just be a massive turnoff Definitely. Yeah, absolutely you know one one example I can think of was I've had a date with a gal and it was it went really well and I had to go because I had some I'd you know another commitment that I had to go to and I had to get going and I and she said well Hey, you know, can I you know as we're parting ways? You know, we had met via dating app And she said hey, can I can I get your number and I said yeah let me just let me just message it to you right and Because we were I was kind of in a rush and I did end up messaging it to her But it wasn't you know the messages that I got later from her were You know kind of like freaking out it was a red flag She thought I was married, you know and cheating on my wife And you know, I just didn't want her into my life because this is all that past experience that she'd had and She was dragging that forward and so I had a you know Kind of talk about that a little bit, but that's something that's just yeah, it can be you know, definitely live in the present and give each person Essentially, you know the fair shake that they deserve give each person that that That credit up front, you know, yep. Yep. Absolutely. That's That situation that you just mentioned I've heard so many different women Mention something exactly like that, right? Yeah Oh this happened that means and then they go into that meaning-making thing where they're talking about how he's married And he's cheating on his wife and you know, you know four different flings that he's hooking up with and it's all like What are you talking about? So all right, so number nine number nine is you're pretty but you're not interesting None of the first time I want to say none of the women in our community are like this Right are the women in our community are the most beautiful Interesting amazing women that that's awesome in your life. And so One one thing I wanted to mention on how to be interesting here real quick because a lot of times people they don't I mean It's it's not always necessarily a deal breaker that you're like some Amazing person that's got all these, you know, great stories to tell or whatever There's because there's two ways to be interesting. The first one is to have interesting things to say Mm-hmm. And the second one is to be interested in him, right interested in another person becoming curious And it's amazing how much somebody when you're interested in them will think that you're interesting just because you're you're so Curious about them and talking about what's going on with them and present to them and actually building a real connection with them Absolutely, in fact, I mean Who who who does everybody enjoy talking about the most? Themselves, I mean themselves, right? And so it's like I mean if you if you go on a date and you meet a guy that you really like and You ask him to talk to you to tell you about himself That alone is going to increase his attraction for you You know, the other thing too is that I think sometimes both men and women think they have to be this like amazing Sensationalist like you got to be so witty You know, you have to be the equivalent of a stand-up comedian and it's like quite the opposite It's it's everyone Everyone I haven't met a single person that I have not found interesting in some way You know, but it's some people just need to be willing to kind of come out of their shell, right? And in my experience it seems that the majority of time when someone isn't interesting It's because they just don't feel comfortable either talking about themselves talking about an experience they had Or they're afraid that they're kind of going to be put down for that And I think that's something that you should definitely let go of, you know If you go on a date with a guy talk about yourself you to tell them, you know, really zany experience You had some adventure you went on when you were traveling, you know You got you know, you run up, you know a bus that almost, you know, crashed off a cliff You know in the in the Amazon somewhere and you you know, you saved everybody or I mean I don't know maybe that didn't didn't actually happen to you, but That's a really high bar for them to reach their Patrick. You're like, yeah Maybe you're hiding in the Amazon and a bus fell off a cliff and you saved everybody That actually would be a pretty good story we should teach that one Um Yeah, but I mean, you know, your point is is that it you know You have things most people have things that are going on most people Yeah, even if you you haven't you know gone and traveled all over the world and done all these things You have interesting parts of your personality and aspects that you are in your life And you can open up about that stuff and it's not always necessary that the person Understands everything that you're even talking about Necessarily I've noticed that a lot of times I'll talk to people and they have no idea what I'm talking about But they're having a great time in the conversation, right? All right, maybe we should move on to the next one here All right, so number 10 is you're unattainable right not approachable You reject men and then saying that he's not man enough to continue pursuing you I've heard this a lot, right or You know, he doesn't feel like he can actually win you over or get into a relationship with you And that's this is what we're talking about before with the one where you like actually Tell a guy that you're actually interested in them or you give them some clues or you let him know in some way And I saw some women post in the comments They're like, oh, yeah, you know if I tell him he's interested then he just disappears and I never see him again and it could be that you're Doing something different than what we're talking about here a lot of times I'll say like show a guy that you're interested in the woman's like alright And then they write him like this five page love letter You know professing how they want to be together for the rest of their lives and all that kind of stuff And it's like that's not what I was talking about Yeah, I mean, you know the same the same goes for guys, too, you know, I mean, it's like I Really think it's important that both men and women, you know make themselves Approachable and attainable because you know if you're not then Then a lot of people a lot of great people even if even if you don't end up being in a relationship with them Even if you just end up becoming friends with them Or they're a connection of some other kind That that brings value to your life. I mean how incredible is that? You know, it's like I often think to myself if if I can make myself more approachable that's gonna only increase the value in my life because I'm gonna meet more people and And potentially, you know meet more people that are not only are gonna bring value to my life But I'm gonna be able to impact them positively, too Because that's something that I'm I'm really passionate about too and that is you know Not just in my business, but also in just in life in general is, you know, really taking care of those that depend on me and It really does bring a lot of value to me and I know it does other people, too So for women in particular if you can make yourself more approachable, right? And even if that means making eye contact smiling Just really simple stuff to make it Appear to the guy that you're interested in. Hey, it's it's an invitation for you to approach me You can do a lot without you necessarily having to to put a lot of risk out there, if you will Well, and I know we're gonna get some pushback on this one because there's gonna be some women that are like Oh, I get approached all the time There's gonna be some women that are like, you know, I don't want most guys to approach me and all that And that's fine, you know and sure, you know There's definitely a lot of different situations out there depending on who you are and what your situation is and what your experience is And what kind of the town you live in and I mean there there's real kind of restrictions and Different things for every single person and so so it's one of those things where whenever you're listening to some of the stuff That we talk about you have to think about it in your situation as well So it's not necessarily blanket, you know, you should be approaching dudes, right or chasing dudes or whatever, right? If you know my stuff, you know that I don't teach that anyway And that you want to have a man invest in you and you want to have him Approaching you and moving towards you and all that kind of stuff and at the same time You can also give him indications that you're interested in him so that he'll keep doing it If he's a good guy and he likes you the only guys that will continue to pursue you when you try to You know stop them and you reject them and all that kind of stuff are guys that are really aggressive and And then if you're complaining that all you do is attract players Then it's one of those things where it's like maybe you should stop being so hard on good guys Who will stop because they don't want to pursue a woman who's not interested in them And it's not a game to them and they're not trying to you know prove how much they can Make a woman interested in them, right? They're looking for somebody who's who's interested in them as well And maybe she's not quite as interested but that can grow and build over time And so guys a lot of times will they'll just you know, if a good man sees a woman and she's like hey I'm not interested. He's like, okay, and he moves on right and so you have to know that Because a lot of women out there kind of think men are like these confidence machines and they just go after what they want If they didn't really want her badly, you know You know, it's like, you know, that's not necessarily the case and so it's just important to think about that kind of stuff. So All right, so let's move on to number 11 number 11 is immaturity, right? and so Patrick actually came up with this one and so We're kind of talking about a woman that just kind of takes and The different levels of like somebody in a relationship and usually there's kind of like this level at the bottom Where somebody's just like a taker and they just they get into relationships just to take and take and take and take instead of growing and building something and giving and taking responsibility for themselves and the relationship What did you want to say about that Patrick? this I think is Something that escapes a lot of people And that is that and not necessarily for a bad reason My impression is that a lot of people go to a relationship thinking You know, I really want to be in a relationship and I want to go to this so that I can get security You know that that connection, you know with someone that I'm really attracted to They're thinking a lot about what is it that they're going to get from the relationship And I by no means I'm trying to say that you are not going to get from a relationship You're going to get wonderful stuff from it and I encourage and I think it's awesome however One of the things that's important to me when I'm when I'm you know evaluating whether or not, you know I'm going to be with someone long term is are they primarily coming to the relationship to get something or They primarily coming to build something Because if you're coming in with the attitude of I'm coming here to get something Primarily as soon as there's any kind of dissonance and problem it's going to be a lot easier for them to say, you know, this isn't working. I'm just going to leave and The challenge with that is is that if you really want to invest your time in someone and build something If you go in with the thought process of hey, I want to give to this and you know I want to enhance this person's life Because that's kind of the attitude I have when I enter relationship I say, you know what I want to I want to improve this woman's life How do I do that? How do I make her a better help her make herself a better person because obviously she has to want better herself, you know But how do I how do I give to this? How do I? And you know because that's the thing too. I feel like maybe to a certain degree The term love right it's thrown around a lot and love is a feeling, you know, it's that butterfly feeling that you have Again, I'm not trying to say that the feelings of passion aren't aren't incredible and great. They're they're awesome But I really think of real love as commitment, right? It's a decision day in and day out that I am going to continue to love this person This day and then I'm gonna do it tomorrow and then I'm gonna do it the next day You're doing it on a continuing basis And you're doing it to the point that you build something that becomes incredible, you know And it's something though that's built over a long period of time and it takes patience and sometimes it's not easy But your commitment to that is really what makes it work absolutely Absolutely beautifully said there Patrick that was like poetry Like poetry. All right, so let's move on number 12 So lacking confidence huge turn off Constantly the way that I'm kind of defining this one is constantly fishing for compliments or reassurance that you're okay Or that you're what he wants, right? Like am I really what who you want to be with? Are you gonna leave me that kind of thing? Right? It's just it can get exhausting for a guy to experience that and listen to that and have to hear that over and over and over again It's like yes. Yes It's painful it's just a painful thing to experience for a guy I Like the microphone in the face Trying to keep it interesting Yeah, you know, I would say you know, it's If if someone You know lack self-conscious like if I'm dating somebody and they were they were a bit lacking in self-confidence You know, I can I can I can I can deal with that like it's okay I think the problem comes in Where they're so lacking in self-confidence that they're just incapable of really functioning on their own without you being there encouraging them Right because then it's like I mean if you're gonna have a family together I mean, I can't be you know, you it's it's like, you know, you're together, you know Here I'm kind of bringing up kids too, you know, obviously Which isn't necessarily what all women in here are looking for but I'm just bringing up kind of from my perspective, right? Like if I'm gonna have a family with somebody then I you know Sometimes I like am I am I trusting this woman with my children when I'm not there, you know And so it's a lot about trust to and confidence is it's more than just saying I can do it, right? It's or we're needing reassurance, but it's actually following through on what you say you're gonna do It's about trust, you know. Yep. No, absolutely absolutely great Great points great points there. All right, let's move on to number 13 here So 13 is emasculation and so these are things like telling him He's stupid seeing all the things that you don't like in him demanding things from him refusing gifts from him belittling his job belittling his income always rejecting his his Advances asking him for help and then doing it your own way talking down to him in public Micromanaging what he's doing. I could probably do a whole video on emasculation if I really wanted to But but it's it's just one of those things like there's kind of this thing in America right now where it's kind of become cool To cut like make fun of men and like dog on men and I keep hearing it Like I keep going to these Conferences and personal development seminars in the States and I keep hearing people like making fun of men and I'm just like It's just so cringy every time I hear it and and most guys they don't want to experience that you know Unless a guy's really low self-esteem and he's like, yeah, I'm kind of a pathetic You know, unless he feels that way he doesn't want to hear you making fun of them all the time Yeah, yeah, you know Like like we said earlier the banter is fun, right? But I mean that's good humor and that's that's done in good taste But if if you meet someone I mean no woman would want this either, right? I mean if if a guy was really critical of a woman like why would she want to hang out with them, you know Or and the same goes for a guy like if she's just being negative constantly or telling him stuff and just Constantly dissatisfied then it's just it's just a drag, you know And so, you know dating and and relationships need to be fun And so sure there are times where things don't necessarily You know go the way you want them to and you should always I think it's always important to be to be honest, but You know honesty Can be couched in a insured way so that you're not necessarily tearing the person down Even though you're telling them how you feel, right? Absolutely. Absolutely For sure for sure and and the Masculation thing kind of encompasses more than just kind of tearing them down and stuff. It's but it is and You know, everybody wants to be appreciated everybody wants to be loved everybody wants to feel good about themselves and you know, just belittling people or making fun of them, especially men in terms of Things that make them feel like men Which a lot of people kind of do because they know that it hurts and it's kind of become this okay thing I'm not gonna I'm not gonna harp on that anymore. Let's move on No, so number 14 is arguing about everything and so every Conversation turns into an argument and you're just constantly arguing back and forth about everything all the time I don't have you ever experienced this before Patrick You know, it's it's it's interesting I have experienced it a little bit But as a general rule most of the relationships I've been in have not I have not had a lot of like really big fights big arguments I will say that I think my impression is some guys and some women Maybe enjoy it a little bit. It's you know, it kind of gets the passion going for them a little bit And I so there are guys that really like women who are a little bit that way I can say for me personally, I I tend not to right so I Get along a little bit better with women who are a little bit more even keel And again, everybody has their moments and everybody, you know goes through motion So I'm not saying that I've never had an argument, but I have been in relationships before where Where there was a lot of argumentation a lot of challenging and while that can be a little bit fun For me, it kind of gets old really quick. And so I would say that's something that I'm not attracted to But again, that's that's me. I'm not necessarily speaking for all guys, right? So I mean, yeah I mean, it's one of those things I don't think it's very healthy either if you're looking for a healthy relationship and being a healthy relationship I met a girl one time several years ago where That's what it was is we were just arguing all the time and and she was at one point. I was like, I'm done I don't want to talk anymore. And she was like, are you serious? And she's like, are you saying you don't want to date me? And I'm like, why would I want to date you? All we do is argue all the every single time we talk All the time for hours like why would I want that? Like who wants that? I don't know. That was that was that was we were trying to show explain to her why you were right, right, man That's exactly what it was That's exactly what it was All right, then so the let's move on to the last one and then ask some questions get get a couple questions in here It's number 15 is social media stalking and this is liking every post that a guy has or posts that he has From a year ago or whatever or one that i've seen a lot in our community is The facebook or whatever messenger will say that he's online And so you message him asking why he's not talking to you or if he's talking to another woman right now or something Like that and every time I see that I just like I like a little piece of me dies inside Because it's just it's so cringy and it's like, oh don't ever do that again Right and one of the things patrick is actually one of those guys that's not on the internet Very much, uh, he's like he's like social media is like non-existent, right? except for the point that One of the things we didn't mention at the beginning was that patrick is actually Wait, maybe we did mention it a little bit. Yeah, we mentioned it a little bit in the middle Where patrick actually he he teaches people about finances and investing and making money and stuff and he has a he has a book called the money mission and If you're actually interested in picking it up go check it out on amazon And and so it's you know, he he uses social media for those things But he's not like a big social media person and You know, we keep having these discussions in our community where women are like, oh, well, you know, he he hasn't you know Shown that we're in a relationship on facebook or he hasn't posted in his profile of a picture of us being together and And i'm just curious like, you know, if if a woman said something to you about that like how would you feel or What what are you thinking right now hearing that? You know, there's some women out there that are really concerned about that. Yeah, I uh First let me say thanks for the pitch matt for my book. I appreciate that Uh, but uh, but I this the the thing I would say is You know, actually I had I was in a relationship with a gal who who I had that issue with actually because Uh, so I let me just first say like like matt like you said like Aside from the the work that I've done with my business I'm like literally never on social media and My my family likes to joke or I like to joke with them and say, you know, my virtual life has been sorely neglected and uh And because nobody ever finds me and you know, I'd even log on after six months, you know And people were like, why didn't you like my my my post, you know, and do you not like me anymore? you know and and and So I realized there are a lot of people that place a lot of importance on social media Uh, and I realized that I tend not to uh, and so I was actually in a relationship where The gal friended me on facebook and I didn't even know because I'm never on there You know, and I was like, hey, we're you know, I was figured we're in a relationship And she came back later and said, you know, she hadn't told me but she was upset that I hadn't accepted her friend invite and you know that took some Talking through and we got we got to the bottom of it but uh I think that's something that's that's really important. It's it's knowing Kind of who it is that you're getting into a relationship with and knowing what's important to them uh and and and know too that I realized a lot of people love social media, you know, so Just uh, make sure you maybe know the person that you're you're dating and and what they feel about it because if they're not on there If they're not responding to you it may not necessarily mean that they're not interested or they don't like you or anything of the sort Uh, they could like you a lot. It's just they don't you know, they don't they aren't they aren't on those uh platforms Right, right. Yeah, absolutely for sure Okay, cool. So that's the 15 if you guys miss the 15. I'm gonna go over real quick again The first one is value misalignment number two is negativity three is overly critical putting him down number four Is expectations in mind reading number five is you're never happy six is she needs to be right Seven is trying to lock him down way too early eight is judging him without knowing him nine is You you're there's nothing you don't have anything interesting going on in your entire life Number 10 is your unattainable 11 is immaturity 12 is lack of confidence 13 is emasculation 14 is arguing about everything and 15 is social media stalking All right, so we're going to go through a couple comments here And then we will call it a day And so what do we got here? All right, so maria says Patrick do you have a girlfriend? Uh, I don't have a girlfriend actually at present And if you're if you're looking at this This beautiful this beautiful piece of man meat over here and you're thinking man What I love to date that man you could always go and check out his website There's a link above and below this video to go learn more about Patrick And what he's doing in his life Thank you for asking maria and if you and if you want to buy a book in the in the process about money a great book Actually, he's got some amazing reviews on amazon. I was just taking a look at it. It was pretty awesome You can go check out his book called the the the money mission Right. Thanks man. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Thank you for mentioning that man. I appreciate it for sure All right, so let's let's take a look at some more comments here Uh Dinesh says or uh work in this says wow you dress amazing gentleman. Nice to see you. Well nice to see you too. Thanks I think you're you're you're looking a little bit better than me though. Matt. I will Sorry, I'm just I'm just changing my style here Looking to ask to to dress up a little bit. And so that's what we're doing That's what I'm doing with my life. All right, so Luz says what can cause someone from having a perfect relationship to suddenly calling it off? Hmm. Hmm. What do you think patrick? So what can what can cause someone from from having a perfect relationship? Yeah, suddenly calling it off. Okay, so So i'm gonna i'm gonna make the assumption with the statement that you know She had been in a relationship With a guy and everything seemed to be going well And then all of a sudden He just decided that he didn't want to be in the relationship with her anymore. Yeah so I would say I I'm going with my gut here as a general rule. I would say that's pretty unusual Just for there to be absolutely no warning signs and all of a sudden he just leaves um Usually there's some warning signs early on that tells you that there's strain in the relationship That requires increased communication to figure out what the problem is And and really work on it together to fix it But if if if that has been missed There's a good possibility he could leave because Either he didn't feel there was communication there. Maybe he felt like He was trying to get something across to you and you weren't hearing him And in you know in other cases and in in some rare cases Uh the guy or gal could just leave a relationship really through no fault of yours at all It's something entirely with them Uh and and that's a big challenge. I it's you know, that's one of I think one of the hardest things for people to accept Sometimes is they feel that if someone leaves them that they're not a good person then right that is not true like you have tremendous value and being okay Even though it's painful and and and still being okay with grieving that process But still being able to let them go Is a testament to your character and your strength, right? And I would say you know with someone in a situation like that I would definitely try to communicate with that person and ask and say, hey, you know Why what is it that you feel that you have to walk away from this? Um, and if they're willing to communicate to still try to work it out But if if they aren't willing to communicate then to try to make peace with that and move on and in a lot of cases I would say, you know, if you really, you know Are able to find your inner strength That person may come back to you Uh not to say it's a guarantee But if you don't continue to You know pursue them even when they've left if you you know make peace with it and move on In a lot of cases they're going to come back to you because they say, man, what did I do? What did I give up? um, so I just think that again, this is kind of a broad answer to a A question that I don't have all the details on but that's just kind of my impression No, that was that was actually a great Response you could probably be a relationship coach if you want to take Patrick And I was going to say something very similar actually a lot of times it has nothing to do with you And a lot of times there are signs or there's things that built up I had a woman one time who said that there's this guy that was with her They were married for 17 years and then suddenly one day he left her and her kids And that she was like there was no reason for it and he just disappeared one day and there's no signs And it's like Usually if a guy especially a guy that's been with you for 17 years and you guys have kids together The likelihood there is no signs is is almost non-existent right there What probably happened was that he was experiencing a lot of pain For a lot of time because men tend to just put their head down and just stay in relationships For much longer than than women tend to the statistics show that women are Women tend to walk out of relationships about three times as much as men do And so if a guy has been in you know, he's got kids. He's got all these things It was probably really difficult for him to walk away from that situation And I don't know what situation this is But it might be that he experienced a lot of pain for a while and he he just got fed up with it Or it could be that he saw something and it just seemed so much dramatically Right people leave and they go and do other things because of pain and pleasure Right they they experience pain in the moment and they feel like getting out of the situation and going somewhere else Is going to be so much more pleasurable that they'd rather go and do that Then then spend any more time here and they feel like it's it's that bad Because it sucks to break up with somebody it sucks to to let go of something that you've built and created And so usually people experience a lot of pain before they just up and leave And sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with you Sometimes it has to do with them and their feelings of worthiness and their ability their feelings like they can actually do this And that this is the relationship that they really want to have or or whatever, right? And so it can it can have to have to do with a lot of different things And so it it could be a bunch of different things and just really depends so All right, so mary says i'm a practicing catholic and my son is serving in afghanistan I went to a catholic college in sank scrang scranton pennsylvania And I live outside of rally north carolina. It's nice to see good catholic men out there Thank you, mary Absolutely, that's really nice to hear Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep So Let's see. Is there any other questions here? So A duke a daka a daku a daku says a lot of women hide the truth because they don't want to rock the boat But the truth will always come out Absolutely, so let's see great fortune cookie wisdom says no woman should ask a man out Out Yeah, I mean it kind of depends right I I don't think that the No woman should ask a man out thing ever necessarily applies I think that there's there's plenty of situations where it works for people I I have a friend who's married Who's very he he is very feminine and she is very masculine and they love it I mean they just absolutely love it, you know and he's Doing the feminine thing and she's like all right, this is what we're gonna do, you know, and I'm just like Very interesting dynamic and it works for them, right? And so so it's one of those things like I think there's a lot of like People think things should be a certain way with all people and it's just you know People have their own preferences and stuff and I'm okay with that so All right, so Manon says open communication is about giving the benefit of the doubt and try to clarify instead of turning your back Absolutely, I think I think that's what we're really talking about here and that's exactly what uh, That's yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. Well well said Yes, so great fortune cookie has more to say about this I speak from horrible experience. This always happens to me no matter how much he likes me If I get impatient and reach out like he might say yes, he will get lazy very soon and dump me And so that's she says so could please elaborate on how that could work. Thank you um, and so what she's talking about is showing interest, right so Uh showing interest and a guy and how that can work without turning him off and pushing him away And and there's there's a lot that can be said about that I've talked about this and there's a specific video that I I don't remember the name of it at the moment But it was about uh, uh tainability and basically a lot of women have become It's one of those things where you don't want to go to extremes, right? You don't want to be on the extreme side of like so So, uh available and open and you're always there and you're waiting for his call and you're like, oh You know on top of right, but you also don't want to be so unavailable that he's like, you know, she's not really interested in me Yeah, absolutely. You know, one of the things I think can be good is You know making yourself available But maybe you know making him like you had said before matt when you make the man invest a little bit Um that gets that kind of gets an investing in her and really seeing the value in her You know and so in a particular situation if if he's showing interest in you You can show interest back to him But maybe what you do is you do it in a way where You're having him invest a little bit like right if he's going to meet you somewhere for a date Maybe you meet a little bit closer to where you live Or or maybe if you know If he is going to meet you on a particular day Um, you know do maybe you make yourself available on a day that's convenient for you, right? It's not necessarily that you're making it hard on him. You know, you're not saying well, you know, the only time i'm available is You know it you know on on saturday at eight a.m. You know or or you know wednesday at noon when you're at work um You know, you don't want to make it too difficult But what you can do is you can say hey, you know what I can I can do it at these times I can meet you at these times where you're not necessarily throwing your your schedule out wide open saying hey I'll meet you whenever you want Because then you you're you're just showing hey you have a life And uh, and you have value You're demonstrating it. You're displaying it. You obviously have value But it's just that you're you're displaying it in in subtle ways and also giving him an opportunity to be with you Yep, absolutely Absolutely, you're not you're not cutting them off. You're not um You know making it absolutely difficult for him to To attain you or get with you or meet with with you or whatever and you're also not You know just doing everything for him. There's this one thing where I talk about where you Like you can learn a lot about how a man feels about you if you do nothing Right and you'll learn How interested he is in you and what's going on because what what we get a lot of times with women in our community is They'll like start reaching out all the time and they're just constantly trying to stay in contact And then a guy doesn't message them for you know, two hours and they start losing their minds and We had a we had a woman on one of our live streams who was talking about this guy who is like hot and cold all the time Right, and she and she was like she's like he's hot and cold every day And i'm like i'm like what is that what does that mean? You know like what do you mean by that and she was like she's like well, he he disappears And then he won't talk to me again until the next day and i'm like I'm like, you know, that's like normal human communication like people have to eat and go to bed And they have other things going on in their lives, you know And it's one of those things sometimes people You know we all get kind of wrapped up and caught up in things because our emotions get involved and next thing No, we're like attached to somebody and so we're like grasping on we're like we want more We want more because we're getting those like dopamine hits from them contacting us and we're like You know, i'm so excited about it. And then the person doesn't contact us and he's like And you start losing your mind so you're like texting them and stuff and he's like whoa, what's going on here? you know and so you It's good to just back off and give it You know for most of the women that are in those kinds of situations It's it they're usually overdoing it like way overdoing it And so you just got to like relax and calm down and just chill out for a little bit Start focusing on other things have other things going on in your life, right? That that is key that is key matt It's like it's like if you have other things going on in your life Then you aren't going to be solely focused on this one individual, right? It's like And and and i'll even add something to that is Further on even even when you get into a long time a long term relationship You know you should still be developing friendships with other people, you know like I have siblings that are married And just because they're married doesn't mean that they don't have friends now You know, it's like they still need to have friends and lives Because if if if you end up that other person that relationship is the only person in your life You're going to like smother them And that's not really fun to be in a relationship like that, right? Yeah, and and the only time where you can really kind of do that not worry about it Is if the person's totally on with you, right? There's this thing that I I call mirroring Where if the guy is All it all in on you you can be all in on him as well and it's it doesn't hurt Right, but if if he's pulling back and you're still, you know, all in on him What's going to end up happening is you're going to start chasing him. You're going to start smothering him He's going to start feeling like he needs to back away And you're just going to put yourself into a situation that you don't really want to be in and so um That's it. All right, we're gonna end it here So thank you everybody for being here if again if you see this wonderful hunk of man meat over here patrick And you're like man, I'd love to learn more about this amazing high quality Stand-up guy. You can always check out his his website above or below this video There should be a link there You can go learn more about him and his book and what he's doing in his life And so thank you so much patrick for being with us here today. I really appreciate you coming on and talking with us Yeah, thanks matt. I appreciate, you know, all your earlier compliments and uh, and uh, as well as just the opportunity You noted to maybe help out some of the women that you know are in your following I think this is just a great opportunity for us to have a conversation. So thanks for having me Yeah, you're welcome And there's a bunch of women that that mention that they feel like they got a lot of value out of this video So so thank you everybody for being here. Thank you all the women that are in our community We have some of the best women in the world in our community. So thank you so much I'm really grateful for you being here and trusting me to be A part of your journey for creating and attracting the relationship that you've always wanted to have So thank you very much everybody And I will speak with you again soon. Have a good night day week. What wait Whatever you're in morning Depending on where you are in the world right now