 Good morning guys welcome to a little week in my life in New York today is Wednesday I got it Monday if you guys saw my last vlog I had a nice little not nice little there's a lot of drama I had a solo day in New York yesterday and just like shopped a little bit and then work I'm here to record during the week and then this weekend we are hosting a pop-up for the Okinaw so just work stuff if y'all are new here be sure to subscribe today I am recording in the studio I'm actually about to head out and get some blue bottle obviously this blue is like really throwing me off I'm like not a blue person in my house I don't think something about it it's like really really throwing me off I don't know my outfit right now like I'm dying for it I bought it yesterday in Eritrea I'm currently sending footage over so I'll talk on my laptop but it's 8 a.m. I'm gonna go get some blue bottle I am so excited I don't even hit me that I can get blue bottle I actually don't even really want coffee I'm out right now but like I feel like it's a must it's my favorite coffee I get the New Orleans with oat milk there's nothing like it I need to bring them back favorite coffee in the world New Orleans with oat milk so good just like a really nice morning coffee market again I love these so I'm heading back to the hotel I have a little bit of prep I want to do get ready to have a good chill morning around a lot of people ready I'm dressed like a teacher like this fit is like cozy cute the issue is that okay so I have these jeans usually buys are the ones I wore yesterday this is what they look like I'm not like so obsessed with these jeans at different points in my life I like how they fit versus other ones I like hate them but I brought another pair of jeans that were a light wash okay let me just tell you something about my jeans I've been getting a lot of questions about them always always always Abercrombie curve love these are Levi's there's only other pair that I own and wear I do have a few like designer like I do have like girlfriend and I do have I don't know but I wear my Abercrombie curve love the most okay and those are always worth it and they're just the best you didn't know they have like I think it's like they have two inches around here so they fit we have jeans that like don't fit but they'll fit your waist or they won't fit your waist they'll fit your butt or your thighs or whatever and like I said I talked about this recently that I you know I think I was like gaining the adult weight which is fine and then I have this theory that I have an ass down and it was just confirmed okay because I was putting my jeans on I'm like fit they wouldn't fit around my ass I think that that is what's happening granted obviously I have absolutely gained the adult weight which is like so normal and totally fine and I actually feel like better in my body but I will say these Levi's do you not make your mom look good they always like flat on them so anyways Abercrombie curve love forever I don't know why I'm on that side but sweater is a Ritzia I look at teacher I'm wearing Levi's and then I'm wearing slippers and these socks from Amazon to have a frill in them the thing is I don't like love these jeans specifically with the ugly it's like I wish that the jeans hit the ox because they look cuter like something about this looks like kind of weird and like they're not the most like flattering jeans ever but it'll do I was already practicing when I was sitting seeing how things go my recording start in 30 minutes and I'm right around the corner and pick up some paper from the front desk and I will be using my back from the okay oh my god on all the drama from yesterday okay so we got an email this morning saying that the stuff is going to be arriving on the 14th which is Friday still to like for the influencer that which that actually really doesn't matter because most of the people are my friends and then also they're gonna get their stuff customized everyone's getting their stuff embroidered but they have to pick out what they want and then they're gonna go to the store and the store will ship it out so it's actually like not a big deal at all this one I mean I talked so much my hands and then in the store we actually should now have product people to walk away with but we are offering embroidery with purchase so if people buy a scarf then they will get embroidery on the scarf we will have beanies ready to go but I'm excited I feel really good about it and honestly being an entrepreneur it's tough we normally talk about the highs and lows and the highs and lows and the highs and lows really high highs and really low low so I'm gonna head out to low five I need to leave I can't decide if I'm gonna wear I'm gonna bring this scarf and just go straight from the studio to a boat later to film this but like I feel like it's color kind of looks a little bit weird no actually I like the brown the pink I think this is gonna work and I can't get over how cute the embroidery is says Kenzie on it like these are the scarves that these people will have forever and like pass down to their kids like I should go on this is Piper on it with that be so cute I should do that actually I will do that it's kind of bad I probably shouldn't I'm only gonna do it if we don't sell out and then if there's stuff that are still left over in New York then I will do it okay don't worry I won't take from the customers so this is the fit I guess it's not cold enough to wear the scarf yet or like right this second I'm gonna carry it and I am bringing my tote bag which this is like not it's not my tote bag it's my okay I have like puffer purse puffer bag best bag ever it carries everything obviously you don't want to like over stuff it but it does carry everything and it's great for recording days we are doing black purse because that's just like the general consensus on bags but I personally want obviously brown I love a beige I would love a pink like there's so many things that I want to do I want to do like a matte gray we we're working on some things so let me know if you guys like these bags but anyways this is not gonna be super self-promoting podcast we're just an old podcast vlog we're moving on now okay but I'm just taking you through my week and a lot of it is podcast or you'll kind of relate it so I'm really sorry if that's annoying to you guys but I will do other things and I will be seeing a brook tomorrow I will be actually seeing everyone tomorrow his kids hosting a dinner and I'm recording the broken kid tomorrow and then I'm gonna see everyone like this weekend that's why I haven't been like really trying to see people yeah and also like obviously everyone has their lives in the busy so I'm just feeling really good I'm really this is what I mean hi hi low-lows hi hi low-lows repeat after me cuz hi hi low-lows okay we're off I just passed where my friends and I got matching tattoos and we're in New York for my live show and here's my tattoo left so you guys saw the virals and tech talks they got a lot of hate they won't borrow but very funny yeah I think everyone just thought I was looking them off because I was holding up my middle finger to you guys okay I'm like going all right guys I just finished recording for the day recorded with Lindsay if we want to act me the string chicks which I think is gonna be like one of my favorite episodes I've ever done I'm like really like and up right now but we talked a lot about like this is close to the holidays but like being lonely around the holiday season family drama the holidays not looking like what you want them to I think it's a really good I also love them like would die for them and then I also recorded with jazz today we talked about Twilight our holiday content play a lot of these episodes are going up in December so it's 3 30 and I'm heading to a boat to get a little more content to post well they pop up like my hat didn't and they fell through so I'm like do I stay in cuz I am gonna be out the rest of the weekends can really busy and I love my nights with my friends and when I travel I kind of try to keep the same routine but I would like to see some people I actually like know a lot of people who are in New York right now who don't even live here so we'll see I'll keep you guys posted but I'm going back to about it's so cute because live in New York you need to go I just decided I was walking and then I saw these and I'm like you know I need lunch it's shit like this that makes me like it is so embarrassing people think I'm reading that book no offense to that book or the author but I'm not it's the ads on Kindle if you know you know it's like so embarrassing so anyways I just ordered a cute little cocktail as I'm kind of finishing I'm not actually finishing my workday but I'm almost finishing my workday I'm reading tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow which everyone's talking about and it's really long I feel like it has to be really long because I don't have only at 44% it's good I'm not like obsessed with it it's definitely well written it's a good book but like I'm not I don't know I'll let you guys know what I feel like when I'm done okay I think something just happened to make this book better but this is a beautiful site this looks so good all right guys I just ordered room service it's six like 30 right now I'm back I shot a bunch out of Bode this is me right now I have my pillow patches on I have my night cream on I'm wearing my skims pajama set when I travel my whole body gets so puffy and I really do nothing to fix it my eyes rollers and even like doing anything and I've already had ice drama here and there's no freezer or fridge like not much that I can do you know but I have worked to do I haven't done anything at night since getting here but like I'll be here all week and it just the older I get the more time I need alone like the more introverted I get I'm gonna be with people like non-stop for the next two days just in Marissa fly in late tomorrow night I have worked tomorrow and then I'm just doing kind of whatever during the day while I'm checking back in I'm moving hotel rooms and then I have a dinner tomorrow with friends and then the girls can hear and then it's a crazy weekend so I was like I have no pressure to see anyone so I'm gonna stay in and get my work done edit something I need to do just have a really nice night and it's really incredible so if you ever feel pressured just because I mean like granted I will say being here and being able to have the luxury of traveling a lot is obviously like a very big luxury so like experience the most but I just mean like in life if you feel like pressured like I should be doing this it should be doing that when you know that it's just like not the right move for you like listen to yourself listen to your body just kidding but like actually listen to yourself so anyways gonna like put some movies on maybe I don't know I'm gonna really have a night night to in the hotel I just keep doing this and I'm thriving Sunday through Wednesday I don't like doing things and I like doing things during the day I like being home good morning guys it's Thursday aka KVOP or not keeping up the Kardashians sorry and Martha Stewart is on this episode like that is if you know me I love this woman incredible just ordered some breakfast I have to check out of my hotel out of this room in like an hour 40 and I need to get ready and then I have recordings at 11 30 and this is near enough so I'm gonna eat my breakfast and then start getting ready I have my eye patches on guys look Kate and I just recorded Brooke and I are about to record Brooke and I just finished recording an incredible book episode I could have gone double the length like I was like you're gonna have to stop me I actually would have done like a three-hour book episode maybe that's what we need to do in the future it was so good so reading so they'll be reading challenge like yeah three for the next episode we're gonna have a lunch yes and I hope not alright guys we're at lunch just getting some tacos catching up gossiping you know I wanted to go to this place I'm glad they can see it really here this is a really huge deal bro just hugged me oh my god it was so sweet okay I'll see you tomorrow bye guys okay I'm leaving lunch obviously I got to tell you like two hours ago got a text from Abby you owned a boat if you watched the last vlog you know the drama and guess what somehow this stuff got here and I got here early so it's like even gonna be here for the influencer event you guys watch the last one you know there's a lot of drama we basically literally no product wasn't gonna arrive and it somehow got here then it was even supposed to very very beginning when they promised us a different day so I am so all right I'm back at the hotel in a new room this one is quite spacious actually for New York a little bathroom probably the same vibe going here there's a couch I like fun fact about me I actually love sleeping on couch this is very weird I can sleep anywhere I don't know why whoever here we have a TV you have two TVs our view is really really what gets me oh my god it is so crazy and then we have the bed here and I'll have like Justin we're gonna sleep in here cuz I can literally sleep anywhere way a little closet oh my oh same closet I had wow okay I love the rooms of this hotel I hate the servers they're so rude like the service here sucks there it's not gonna suck they're just like really rude like everyone besides besides one of them I loved her anyway so I would recommend it but the room itself is really great and it's literally around the corner from my studio and it's down the street from a boat so that's what we're staying here about to go to a dinner that kid is hosting I'm actually don't know who all is going tonight I'm assuming a lot of friends Margot's going I know for Kanko but I did I'm seeing everyone in the morning so it's fine so what I'm wearing is favorite daughter my blazer is Eritzia jeans are Zara shoes are my incredible heels from Sam element and my bag is Chanel so I'm gonna go to dinner and then hopefully tonight and come home shower wash my hair read and then Jess and Marissa get in tonight they land at 11 so they'll be here late I will be sleeping but they will arrive okay guys I'm back from dinner it is 11 it's almost midnight and I went to an 8 p.m. dinner this is a very unlike me on a weeknight it's so crazy people here just like go out on weeknights too and I guess at one point in my life that was me I just like I'm so impressed I genuinely I have so many questions like how do you have the energy how do you wake up the next morning ready for your day how does your face not get so puffy you know what I mean like these people are actually superheroes I'm not kidding I think about it a lot just like different people's capacity and I'm like I just don't know how you do that maybe when you're around many people all the time you're used to it I don't know that's why I want to talk about later and Jessica and Marissa have landed so they should be on their way to the hotel soon I'm gonna start reading and hopefully like go to bed relatively soon but I just wanted to talk about something that has like really something I've noticed in myself lately is like a lack of confidence and it's weird because I feel like for the most part like my confidence is like one of my favorite things about myself and it's not like all the time too that's why it's hard for me to talk about things because in my head in order for me to feel a certain way I have to feel that way 100% of the time and that's not true I notice it more around like different groups of people having nothing to do with them just like things in my own head or I'm like telling myself this narrative that like I'll be successful but everyone else might feel to be more successful than me or like I I can do this amount but I could never do that or that's for them or just like filling the blanks in on like what I think other people think of me that makes sense and it's like really gotta stop I will say we were a serena tonight and as of Ken she gave this amazing like sermon to us it's like Margo, me, Emily, and Robin, aka girlboss town literally like pastor Serena it was so good separately on like dating you said confidence in general but I was really tired tonight and also just like not feeling myself at dinner and I feel like I put a lot of pressure on myself to almost like perform sometimes when it's like I don't know how to describe it like I was like quiet which I'm normally not that way like obviously at all and let's not like come to with you and that's different than being quiet you're just like whatever anyways so with all that being said I just I think the confidence is like shaking me and I think I've been more negative towards myself physically too which normally I have a better handle on that but I'm like feeling worried about that and then just like the live show and Dallas is stressing me out and then like because it's a bigger venue and then like the pop everything like I don't know I think a lot of big things are happening that are really great that I'm so so grateful for and by no means my that's not what I'm doing here I'm just saying my confidence has lessened and I need to get back to the place where I was before but it's crazy because I feel like when you're looking at people's like instruments often you see obviously it's like instrument reality but like you probably wouldn't be able to tell that from obviously like what I'm posting because I'm like posting like this is here this is that like just photos and like whatever I'm like way more I'm not also like people that I know in real life follow me on Instagram I'm comfortable for whatever reason talking to a camera for like about like thousands of other people I don't know I don't make sense but yeah I don't know I'm just like struggling a little bit and feeling like people just like don't care and then like what I do doesn't matter and like what the stuff that I make no one watches anyways or like no one cares I'm like kind of spiraling a little bit which like I know logically that isn't true but it's like this negative narrative that I have in my head that I just need to get out of because I cannot afford to live like this like it's not good at all so anyway so don't make a dumb downer but I just want to think a real confidence chat because I feel like all of us feel this and I don't know sometimes I just like don't voice it because I know it's gonna pass and I won't always feel this way but then I just like don't talk to you guys about it I feel like it's just like an important topic to have so I don't know I'm feeling kind of weird like I didn't find myself at all tonight and there's like a lot going on like separately even just like stuff that's like not even on like line or on my videos or anything like that and a lot of like also like behind the scenes work stuff that I'm like I just I don't know like I wanted to all these things that I might get my good enough like is this do I have a large enough audience like is this gonna matter will people actually care like that stuff and I don't know it's just like it like sucks to feel this way and also when you're like logically I know but like I also I don't care logically like I'm valid for my feelings but also I don't want to like waste my time and negative energy when like I don't need to you know what I mean so anyways I should like go do it like a gratitude or anything I don't want any of this to be taken out of context like I'm unbelievably grateful for my job like I think my life like I think about that all the time and like it is genuinely all thanks to you guys like I started on YouTube obviously like it's gone into different things but like it a hundred percent everything that I have in my life is because of you guys so thank you so much it's not me complaining it's just me being like I don't know how I feel about myself in these settings all the time you know what I mean now I don't like dinner tonight like not that it was just like me in general and like other fair things not at all about dinner I obviously like love all those people but I just like sometimes like feel weird and I don't normally feel that way and I'm also normally like the most talkative one so I don't know like I just sometimes I just don't feel like myself and I feel like that was me tonight and then that was kind of like the cherry on top of like me feeling not the best for myself like not even the best for myself like not confident in like my abilities in whatever way whether it be like the career I've already built or like what I can do or if so until likes me or like just things like that and it's like who cares you know what I mean so anyways like I will do this look literally even with my friends like I will get to lunch with someone sometimes well not all the time but like you don't feel like someone that you've been friends with for like a decade and then afterwards you think like oh my god like should I not said that it's like they like do like you were so far past the point of like saying the wrong thing that those people you know what I mean is a nice look will get in my head about things I'm like why am I being like this like I just need to come back to myself I also am sorry period a few days so that is definitely why now that I'm thinking I mean I said though all this out loud all of this it'll eventually I will wake up one day and feel totally fine and normal I'm not getting like it's like I am needy so it's a very drastic so anyways I'm gonna like try to like start writing on for better something but yeah hope you guys enjoyed this travel good morning guys have my blue bottle matcha that's how you know I'm feeling a little bit odd oh it's not yes for ice latte no I asked for a matcha you simply did not I would have never asked for a latte but how do I not notice until now guys like what you're off no I'm really off Marissa Jessica are here I don't even like lattes that's the like I don't even know to say I've heard ever reason and like and I woke up feeling or you don't you wake up really early for a flight and you don't feel good that is how I feel today we're heading off we have a little film shoot and then we have the influencer brunch for the pop up this weekend I'm like I'm really not doing well really not doing well kid outfit our view is just beautiful let's see wow love New York something like so embarrassing about having a suitcase and you're not on an airplane anyways we're heading off to a boat for our little shoot all right guys get us we're just being the best friend ever and holding our stuff for us isn't for the weekend truly the best ever we're shooting stuff just as shooting something very exciting very very exciting I'm of course like there's never an event in which I will not wear I would wear I'm actually worn out every day I won't be wearing any other shoes I brought my product I brought my problem for street to try to beautiful my purchase yeah so anyways we're over and Melita a boat is just on a straight it's very cute we're just getting our photos guys we're at the store we just got a juice I'm my stomach just hurts really bad I think it was like maybe the whiskey I don't I literally had two drinks and it's like I mean I'm not hungover it's like I'm actually like feel sick you know but Marissa to set something very alarming no psychotic behavior she goes I love dome lid they just make me feel so luck Kenzie Elizabeth fans vote down in the comments because literally a dome lid on an ice drink will make you feel the most fancy you know what makes me feel like I'm a middle schooler ordering a frappuccino I made it to talk or I was on my story and like everyone replied because it is like it's like a no thing that's I believe no yeah what makes this not iconic it's embarrassing it's not it looks like you asked a lot like it's work no it looks like you asked for whipped cream no that's why it's embarrassing no I vote embarrassing but no let us know in the comments below my scar it's a cute idea it actually is talking that I didn't do that honor to you I love it you got great right great scar black fun cute love everyone's picking out their stuff well actually people are still outside but alright guys I didn't I don't know I'm wearing sunglasses inside because I like to look better the past 24 hours have been an absolute shit show let me just set you down here so yesterday woke up sick as we know turns out I had a food poisoning I threw up all day I somehow made it through the influencer brunch and then I came home and I was in the hotel room up until now which is the next day at 1020 the pop-up is starting in 40 minutes and I was so sick I've never been so sick I still don't feel great but I definitely got food poisoning from the night for and it was just rough but the influencer event went great I'm really hot right now my outfit I'm not feeling myself I'm not feeling good I don't feel great I just feel gross so I'm gonna book out driver appointment for later Marissa and I are here we're gonna go to Chacha matcha the pop-up we have lunch reservations do a little bit of shopping and then I'm gonna get my hair done yes and that's gonna be our day I'm like what time should I do a driver like three then yeah I was gonna say probably three okay so I'm gonna see if they even have a reservation open cuz it is Saturday true oh someone so many meds and I most of it like physically I just like you know when you just been sick my self-tanner is so messed up my body's guy I'm really just falling apart today it's tragic it's really tragic but we're gonna go to Chacha matcha and that will cure me maybe my first food that I've had in 24 hours if they have a nitro latte no but I know they do it's my favorite drink but they never have it working oh wow guys suddenly I'll be happy again I just I can't get over my luck every pop-up that I do something just goes terribly wrong so um but the actual like product did arrive that's a big plus that is a big one very fresh Chacha matcha nitro latte I don't care that it's eight dollars I don't care I got it every day in college and it's a small price to pay for my happiness guys we're making it to the pop-up how's it open already it doesn't even open till 11 oh my god so exciting guys I don't think I can block this just share a little cute setup with our New York tote bags we have our scarves and beanies okay guys huge deal okay so tell the work you were just telling me three hours that is so crazy she's wearing this skim dress I love thank you guys also no I am obsessed all right guys rest and I are at little ways I got a tea the pop-up so far we were there for like two hours husband so good devil eggs my face so let's show you guys what we're gonna stop by and then I'm a driver shop and it's gonna be a good little New York City this is my my friends like what are you ordering I got a tea I don't know guys alright guys I just went back to the pop-ups meet some more of y'all here we are dry bar this is gonna fix my life just got out of my blood appointment like a new person oh my god there's just like nothing like someone else doing your hair I swear it like here's every problem guys Marissa made a little purchase oh wait made a little purchase very cute no I think you will wear them a lot yeah I like I like them okay guys went to drive our feel a lot better with my hair actually done I just I look like I'm like working corporate right now my level of commitment chocolate brown and also I just like cannot put on a different outfit it's crazy so sweaters favorite honor Aritzia blazer and pants and then I have my Chanel ballet thoughts actually the first time I've been wearing them and then my Chanel bag the guy look like a corporate you guys can even tell the different colors it's not my like favorite outfit I've ever worn but I've honestly just like given up on this trip because this trip like I don't know what's in the air but like it is against me I've never felt as though it's not a city it's not it's not even a week it's just this trip it's really against me these days so anyways this is my outfit still cozy we're gonna go shop a little bit we're gonna go get dinner with a friend of mine I think and then yeah we're just gonna see where the night takes us nice little New York evening but I feel like a new person now that my hair is actually done and I didn't have to do it which is the best thing ever if money wasn't an object to you are you really really really wealthy what's the first thing you would spend money on I would have someone do my hair like every day and even make up honestly glam that's what I would do oh my god we are now going to another Aritzia it's really embarrassing it it actually like love this one Chanel shoes oh my god even my nails match pick me up sunglasses guys I literally just gas when I saw that oh my god some all the Christmas stuff would I have to take a photo I literally have to take a photo paper source I love you I love you I love you oh my god it's looking so beautiful I know right like I don't go here at home all the time I've been to Aritzia like multiple times this week good morning everyone you'll be happy to know that I'm feeling better it is also the last day we leave today so that's us but I am finally feeling better Marissa just went off with their sisters your family's in town because she's from Connecticut we're gonna go get breakfast the sword isn't open until noon so then we're going to the pop-up then we have lunch reservations at American bar and then I guess we can just walk on my bleaker and show up and stuff like that and then we're gonna leave for the airport at like 415 we don't land until 9 30 tonight in Dallas sign which is very late for all of us so I'm mentally preparing but the pop-up was so great yesterday I don't even think I like said this there was just so many of you came that were so nice and just incredible and so many people got scarves and I'm very very excited so you guys are watching this now by the way the scarves are fully launched online so check that out but you know the driver appointment was a good call yesterday I do think that I had a little something to do with me waking up feeling better today you know who needs meds when you can just have to drive our appointment I need to know what saying you saw on my laptop right now because I like I just need this to export so I can leave you know oh wait it's working everything is working out my favorite literally the morning that I live in New York also this has been the longest week of my life I cannot believe I've only been here for a week the longest week ever so oh my god those socks are cute with the sneakers like that yeah it's perfect love so I'm gonna do a better job of vlogging today I'm sorry everyone I feel horrible about being sick but um there's only so much you can do to control food poisoning and I've only been eating like soups and stuff since I'm like afraid so anyways my turner neck is a Ritz yeah my jeans are curve love and then I'm of course wearing Uggs born Uggs every day this week final fit I'm kind of just like a grandma my sweater is a Ritz yeah my new thing got it this week jeans are curve love obviously Uggs I'm literally just like grandma got soup at my mom's he's literally waited an hour like it's been crazy but they're dishware so cute got a little soup of course peach, grapefruit juice, matcha, really helping the morning we're doing a little shopping before we have like 40 more minutes and other stories Marissa got a ton of sweaters here the other day oh that blue turner neck it's beautiful yeah so cute oh my god that is what also I'm like basically wearing that like a lighter pink but that is so cute I immediately was drawn there's so much pink over there and I ran there I know we're going Marissa and I are going to near to Paris near see so oh my god the horse sweater horse girl winter see like I'm not going to go this is cute this super pop vest is the one that I need like it's so cute even the red red is it grown on all right off to mango we go I got one of my most worn coats so literally all H&M and then one is mango hey guys we're leaving a boat great successful pop-up it's almost all sold out and there's still like five hours to go off we go to American bar for lunch hey guys amazing we're at American bar we got salads my bag just fell not good keep this up we're eating faster than the shopping so to leave like two hours looks so good hi guys I'm doing a haul my summer friends I'm like literally dying but I do a little haul to show just how she's in the band so not we wear all this from and other stories okay and then I also bought cute little socks for my bottle of this pearl line yes it's cute and then I also bought pink I forgot about that I was on there when I got and then can you tell I'm about to also you yes it's I barely survived okay this pink skirt looking cute all right that's really cute and then I got a green skirt love cute oh this is what I was like oh this is for me look at how cute my scrunchies are I love that so cute and then last thing but obviously the best I got new stuff beautiful oh my god are they the ones I think they are they're like so cute so cute that's what I got gonna go wash my face and change at the airport and work on the plane because we have a little on stage for us we actually lost you and I just want to sleep like delusional like I was like I'm literally sitting here like so anyways don't get food poisoning guys don't see that okay thanks thanks for the haul I liked it a lot okay like we both have imposter syndrome and I think everyone does and there are days that both of us are like oh my god I've never like you do you spiral in thinking it has to fry like for me personally I'm like it'll happen like once a month where I'm like oh my god it's done nothing I'm not like I'll never get to where I want to be I'm so far behind him shows this and that and whatever and like it really is normal to feel those