 The Jack Benny program, presented by Lucky Strike. Six-day-body! Mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung. Doo-doo-doo-doo. Mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung-mung. It's all American! Lucky's pay more! To give you a cigarette that's finer, milder, more enjoyable. Lucky's pay more! Lucky's pay millions of dollars more than official Parity Prices for fine tobacco. And the men who really know tobacco, the tobacco experts can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light that naturally mild tobacco yes at auction after auction when a basket of really fine tobacco is offered for sale as the price climbs up and up as the final bid is made the top bid time it again you'll hear this old American and another basket of really superior tobacco goes to the makers of lucky strike no wonder LS MFT LS MFT lucky strike means fine tobacco fine tobacco that means a milder more enjoyable cigarette for you so smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike yes for more real deep down smoking enjoyment light up a lucky you'll agree in all the world there's no finer cigarette than lucky strike lucky strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester Dynasty and yours truly down will ladies and gentlemen after suffering from a bad cold for several weeks Jack Benny went to the hospital for a nasal operation today he's home again recuperating as we look in Rochester is tidying up the house gee it's good to have the boss home again he put off this operation for a long time but when we got to the hospital he sure was brave I'll always remember the smile he gave me as those foreign nurses dragged him up the stairs well I better finish unpacking his things say what's this well the boss's diary he must have taken it to the hospital with him I wonder if I ought to read it oh why not who am I kidding after all I read his diary he reads mine I pity him he envies me see what he has to say here's the first entry I'm now in the hospital I entered this morning for a mind next to me just had a baby or to a semi-private room it's cozy here he has cold feet just now why the boss didn't get a private room after all he owns the hospital October 18th they gave me some ether and put me to sleep I had the most wonderful dream I dreamed that I was the maid in Ciro's powder room operation was over the nurse was standing behind me stroking my hair I'm so glad I remembered to bring it who wears that I had my first visitor it was Rochester he told me that since I've been in the hospital my phone has been ringing constantly at home he said there have been calls from Lana Turner and Sheridan and Paulette Goddard and they all told Rochester to send me their love the way I lie to keep that old man happy since the operation however I was still sick from the ether and couldn't eat a thing but the man in the next bed was very hungry and fortunately I had changed for a $5 bill I mean fortunately he's got the only pajamas I ever saw with a hip pocket I felt so good and was such a beautiful day I decided to walk home as I started up Santa Monica Boulevard people kept looking at me and smiling I smiled back till I realized I was still wearing my nightie as I lit a candle and in the next three blocks I sold 28 fisktimes mr. Benny's diary is always the same dull but clean room and see if he wants anything well mr. Benny how are you feeling oh fine fine Rochester it's amazing how much better I am since I had that obstruction removed from my nose how long were you in the operating room 28 minutes and 41 seconds my producer timed it anyway I sure feel a lot come in oh hello Mary hello Jack gee you look great how you feel wonderful Mary come here and give me a great big kiss okay Jack you've never kissed me that long before I can breathe through my nose now and that was some kiss wasn't Mary Mary what are you staring at me for are you sure the only thing they gave you at the hospital was ether that's all I'm just that the operation made a new man out of me honestly Mary that doctor Langley is a miracle worker you know that for four weeks I could hardly breathe or talk and I think he took me when I felt so low and miserable and by his great surgical skill made me feel absolutely wonderful how much did he charge you for the operation a hundred dollars dirty crook but Jack that doesn't sound like too much money for an operation operation only took 28 minutes and 41 seconds you realize that at that rate he's being paid over $200 an hour but Jack he probably doesn't do more than one of those operations a month well it's my fault if he can't get steady work why charge me Jack take it easy calm down yeah you got a cigarette Mary just a minute and I'll see I know I got a package in here I better dump everything out on the table Mary's that your purse or are you moving here's a cigarette Jack thanks you know Mary's funny we were on the radio and I wanted a cigarette I'd say Mary have you got a lucky strike but here in my house I just asked for a cigarette we know it's a lucky strike yeah yeah oh yes yes get the bottle will your Rochester bottle yes Mary the doctor thought I ought to take a little brandy every three hours is a stimulant handed me Rochester I'll open it myself thanks there hello hey Jackson did you just open the bottle of brandy yes Phil I did but how do I want to know how did he smell it all the way over in Encino you know Mary sometimes I come in here I am Jackson brought my own glass well how'd you get over here from your house so fast well I would have been here sooner but I was in my underwear when I phoned I live in well come on Jackson lift that glass tilt that bottle just a minute Phil here there's some trick here someplace now explain to me how you could possibly explain it to you later later later look while I'm here I want to ask you something will it be all right if I miss rehearsal I'd like to fly home to Mississippi and see my alma mater play football football yeah it's their traditional game do what did he take against Hamhawk high do what did he take and Hamhawk high tell me Philip in which of these great institutions of learning did you matriculate Jackson please Mary's here I mean which one of those high schools did you attend oh well I went to do what did he take but but I didn't graduate no Phil I was always under the impression that you were a Phi Beta Kappa man yeah but don't baddie it about let it be our little secret till every time you open your mouth your secret is safe and it's true yeah anyway Jackson it's it's good to see you looking so so long kids see you later where you going what you're hurry Remly just opened a bottle of bourbon in Glendale and understand how he got here from Encino and if that's Phil calling from Glendale hello hello Jack this is Don how you feeling oh fine Don I haven't felt so good in years although as a result of the operation I didn't lose about eight pounds well I wouldn't worry about it Jack you gain it back I guess oh you know once when I was in the hospital I lost 40 46 pounds well down 46 pounds off you is nothing nothing I was three weeks old at the time oh now Jack I know you're confined to your house today but I just called to tell you that the sportsman quartet is going to be on the air in about 10 minutes and I thought you might like to hear them they're dedicating their song to you to me oh thanks Don I'm glad you told me I'll be sure to listen in thanks again you're welcome Jack see you later Don Don what was that the phone booth my girdle broke very good to let yourself go once in a while so long Don oh Mary remind me to listen to the sportsman where the quarter they'll be on the air in about 10 minutes what station oh my goodness I forgot the ass down but I'll find it yeah I hope I feel well enough to go to the Copeland Grove to tonight for the sportsman's opening oh Jack you sit down I'll get it hello Danny hi Mary come on in it wait a minute it isn't cold today what are you wearing that muffler and heavy overcoat I rode over on my bicycle and I don't want to catch pneumonia now Dennis what is riding in your bicycle got to do with pneumonia there's a leak in the front tire and every time it comes around it blows on me from you that sounds logical come on in who is it Mary you'll be sorry oh come on in Dennis hi again hello mr. Benny I'm glad you're out of the hospital and feeling better thanks thanks when my mother heard you were home again she told me to bring this package over oh your mother yeah and this card goes with it hard what does it say no starch Dennis why don't you sit down Mary and I am sitting I couldn't tell with that long overcoat you're wearing he's wearing a muffler too and three sweaters that's nice anyway but yeah aren't you gonna ask Dennis why he's wearing a muffler three sweaters and an overcoat Mary if he came in here wearing hip boots a grass skirt and had clawed reins on a leash I wouldn't ask him why are you just mad because one of my eyes is blue too yeah one of your eyes now look Dennis if you came over to find anybody home huh mr. Kitzel certainly nicely dropping to see me I want to thank you for visiting me in the hospital well I believe in the old philosophy if you can't be friendly when the weather is bad don't say hello in the sunshine I know it should be yeah mr. Benny if you had taken care of your cold maybe you wouldn't have had to go to the hospital no no mr. Kitzel the cold had nothing to do with it mr. be done Billy the lockhole the last day for my wife caught a cold and it gave a laryngitis laryngitis that was six months ago and she still can't talk about we spell my good why don't you do something about it if she starts to get better I will but seriously mr. Benny if you ever have any more trouble do yourself a favor and send for my nephew he's a nose and throat specialty just just nose and throat once in a while he takes out an appendix on the side hey that's that's quite a joke mr. Kitzel yeah how are you feeling miss living stone oh i'm fine thank you by the way mr. Kitzel you know our singer oh yes of course don't stay no it's Dennis Day don't let those three sweaters fool you miss that excuse me for being excited but it's a pleasure to meet you I buy all your accounts and my wife is crazy about it thank you pincocks are broken angles my wife got the new collection she's got Ireland must be having McNamara's band mother McCree but my favorite one is Clancy Lord the bagel no no that's boom eat warm you're not kidding well mr. Benny I just wanted to wish you good health and now I got to be running along well goodbye mr. Kitzel and thanks for dropping in you're welcome and as they say in front let me out I was here what a nice guy visited me at the hospital and then he came here at the house oh Jack you told me to remind you want to hear the sports van cartel oh yes yes they're singing about me too I almost forgot I better turn on the radio and find that station ladies who are overweight do you have careless hips when you can reduce immediately no drugs no extra back into our buzz saw the ladies program I don't want that I didn't squeal that isn't it either what program is this let me get that program this may be it station is that quartet that's not it either oh that's the same thing I want to get the station with a quartet can I get the quartet I want to don meant today I guess the stranger saw her first this is it Mary this is it I'd like to repeat the prizes we're giving away in our giant jackpot one package of lifesavers and a real genuinely I don't know I didn't get it either we're also giving away a dr. Scholl's foot pad one free dancing lesson at Arthur Murray's I don't know it sounded like crock and soom he's a can of stout of shoelaces and a lifetime supply of that new miracle drug sulphur beautiful drug I hope the person who wins it is sick and now for us Mr. Benny what's a crock and soom wow I want to hear this this week we are adding to our list 825 that's wonderful paired assisted by Mel Blank Mel Blank we'll sing a number from that new picked Sunny Boy and it's dedicated to Jack Benny I knew Mel Blank would get into that I knew her I'm upon our knee Jackie boy though you're 53 Jackie boy I'm 39 we've no way of just how old you're growing but we love you so speeding rigs I thought they're singing about me that's Mel Mel Blank I know that's Mel is lucky imagine winning a $15,000 crock and soom Mary turn it off there's nothing else on the radio tonight well is anything good on television Rochester call up Sears Roebuck television to pop and you call them last week oh yes it must be some company that it hasn't given us a demonstration yet maybe I ought to I don't get it you don't marry I'm glad down call me about the court head well this way gentlemen who is it Rochester it's the boys from the Beverly Hills Beaver Club oh Joey Stevie Butch come on in hello certainly nice you kids to pay me this visit go ahead Joey read the speech I'm looking for speech well here it is Mr. Benny your brother Beavers held a meeting and voted that this committee pay you a visit for four reasons to welcome you home from the hospital to wish you a rapid recovery to invite you to our annual picnic your dues are three months behind well that was just an oversight I'll take care of it and Mr. Benny we'd like to make a request in regards to the picnic a request yes our last picnic didn't turn out so good lost 80 cents yeah so we thought it might help if you lowered the price of the sandwiches the dues I'll pay but the sandwich yeah Mary I was going to say the dues I'll pay but the sandwiches I've given for nothing by the way boys you know Ms. Livingston oh sure we have a picture of her in our clubhouse a picture of me yeah you are bordered as the girl who can make us take cod live royal and like it well thanks fellas and boys this is Dennis Day gee you see the Dennis Day who sings on the radio that's him gee Mr. Day can I shake your hand sure can I shake your hand too certainly butch butch it's Dennis Day why don't you shake out with him I'm a Sinatra man butch that wasn't nice to say in front of Dennis oh that's all right Mr. Benny Franky sends me too he does yeah he's too weak to go himself Dennis please say Mr. Benny what was it you went to the hospital for oh I had an operation but I'm home now and everything is fine oh what are you thinking about Joey well my mother once went to the hospital when she came home she brought me a little brother ah well that was nice and then she went to the hospital again and when she came home she brought me a little sister wow say doi your mother went to the hospital again last week didn't she yeah but when she came home she didn't bring me nothing oh it's too bad Joey what did you want a turtle well maybe next time hey boss this is your first day home and you've been up and around for a while so what don't you think you ought to take a little nap yeah I guess you're right Rochester well I'm often glad you dropped in fellow Beavers I appreciate it we'll run along now Mr. Benny we'll see you at the next meeting well I don't know if I'll be able to make it Stevie you see I've had this trouble with my nose and that's why I was operated on I was in the hospital for five days and be at least another week before I can leave the house a little cold he makes a big thing out of you say something but he didn't see anything come on fellas let's go gee they're nice boys Jack I think I'll run along too be too much for Benny okay I'm glad you came over kid so long Mary goodbye Dennis bye Jack that's nice to be home again Rochester and you know it isn't bad being sick once in a while either people are so nice to yeah now come on boss let me help you upstairs no no Rochester I'll go in the other room and stretch out on the couch if I fall asleep waking in time for dinner yes sir now take it easy and don't exert yourself I won't now let's see where's the oh here it is oh to give you a finer cigarette a milder more enjoyable cigarette luckies pay more yes at the tobacco auctions at market after market luckies pay millions of dollars more than official parity prices for fine tobacco LS MFT LS MFT lucky strike means fine tobacco fine ripe mild tobacco that gives you more far more real deep down smoking enjoyment no wonder a recent survey reveals more independent tobacco experts auctioneers buyers and warehouses smoke lucky strike regularly then the next two leading brands combine and now listen to what mr. Doug Dudley of Clinton North Carolina recently said about his experience at the tobacco auction in my 12 years as a tobacco auctioneer I've sold about 180 million pounds of tobacco and season after season I've seen the makers of lucky strike by fine ripe tobacco tobacco that stops for mild and mellow smoking I've smoked luckies myself for 10 years so for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment smoke the smoke tobacco expert smoke lucky strike remember there's more for you in a lucky because luckies pay more millions of dollars more than official parity prices for fine tobacco they know will give you a finer milder more enjoyable cigarette good reason to make your next carton lucky strike boss you to the nice nap do you want me to get you something to eat no Rochester I don't think so answers will you please hello yes he's feeling much better mr. Lamar yes ma'am I'll tell him thanks for calling that was sweet oh that Rochester had a Lamar no no boss that was Dorothy oh you mean Dorothy Lamour no Dorothy Lamar she's the cook next door well she works for the Coleman's Ronnie probably wants to know how I'm getting along you'll make something out of it won't you boys that's undoubtedly what it was good night folks be sure to hear Dennis Day and the day in the life of Dennis Day stay tuned for the Amos Nandish always follows immediately this is CBS the Columbia Broadcasting System