 Please listen to this, because many others and I might not live much longer if you don't. You see, from as far back as the early 90s, we at Microsoft have been slipping Easter eggs into our software. Office is very notable for this. In the 97 edition, we hit a rudimentary flight simulator, pinball, and basic eight ball games into Excel Word and Access respectively. Right before that is Excel 95, where we slipped another game called Hall of Tortured Souls. To access this game, you must follow these instructions. 1. Open Excel 95 with a blank worksheet. 2. Go down to the 95th row. 3. Select the whole row. 4. Tab over to column B. 5. Go to help slash about. 6. Hold down control alt shift, and click on the tech support button. 7. The game will appear, called Hall of Tortured Souls. The game is set in a first person perspective, with Doom-like graphics. The game appears to only have two rooms, one with blue pillars and green pools, and another with a window crediting us in red. However, if you type, Excel KFA, while facing a certain direction, one of the walls will disappear, and in its place will be another room, which can only be entered once you cross an extremely narrow and hard to cross bridge. The name Hall of Tortured Souls finally makes sense when you enter the room. In this room, there are loads of low resolution photos of me, and the rest of the developers, plastered on garish red walls. Which is what working at Microsoft is like. Please, if you are listening to this, help us. Bill Gates, and other high Microsoft executives, kidnapped me and the other developers away from our homes, and forced us to develop office 24 hours a day, 7 days a week on no pay. They abuse and torture us if we dare not obey their orders. They have ruined our lives. When they discovered our game, which they discovered after Excel was released, they went berserk. They beat us all up, leaving all of us at the development team with several injuries, one of whom suffered spinal injuries. Another even died from his injuries, but his death was covered up by Microsoft. We had hoped that when somebody discovered the Easter egg, they would help us. But no. Which is why I wrote this story, to request that you would help us. We hate it here. We want to go back home. Back to our families. Back to our lives. But we are trapped. Don't let us suffer anymore. Free us from our hell. Free our tortured souls.