 Now, Anacin, the tablets thousands of physicians and dentists recommend for fast relief of pain of headache, neuritis, neuralgia, and heat. The liniment that's strong yet does not burn. Present, Armist Brooks, starring Eve Arden. It's time once again for another comedy episode of Armist Brooks transcribed. But first, every day you hear more and more about a remarkable way to relieve the pain of headache, neuritis, and neuralgia. The name is Anacin, spelled A-N-A-C-I-M. Thousands of men and women first discovered these tablets when they were given an envelope containing Anacin by their own physicians or dentists. Perhaps you yourself at some time have learned about Anacin this way. If so, you know how incredibly fast and effective these tablets are. Anacin is like a doctor's prescription. That is, Anacin contains not just one, but a combination of medically proven, active ingredients in easy-to-take, tablet form. When headache, neuritis, or neuralgia pain strikes, you want relief and you want it fast. So for your own sake, try Anacin, sold on this money-back guarantee. If the first few tablets don't give satisfaction, you may return the unused portion and your money will be refunded. Ask for Anacin tablets today at any drug counter. Anacin comes in handy boxes of 12 and 30 tablets and economical family size bottles of 50 and 100. Well, like many of us around this time of year, our Miss Brooks, who teaches English at Madison High School, has been making plans for a summer vacation. Last Thursday morning at breakfast, she discussed the subject with her landlady. Mrs. Davis, this summer I'm really going to relax and enjoy myself. Good for you, Connie. What are you going to do? Well, I've been thinking of Europe. What a wonderful way to spend your vacation. I can see you now, all through the warm summer nights, sitting out in our backyard thinking of Europe. I'm not just going to think about it, Mrs. Davis. I'm determined to travel this year. My goodness. What made you arrive at that decision? Well, frankly, I couldn't resist those Hawkins travel posters all over town. You've seen them. Let Hawkins guide you through Italy. Let Hawkins guide you through France. Well, yesterday I went to their office and told them what I could afford for a summer vacation. What did they say? Let Hawkins guide you through Yonkers. But when I told them I was a teacher, they made me a very interesting proposition. All I have to do is get three friends to take one of their tours, and I get mine for a third of the price. Oh, that sounds wonderful, Connie. How have you progressed so far? So far, all I need is three friends and a third of the price. Say, maybe you might like to take the tour with me. Me? But Connie, how could I? The only possible way I might afford a trip like that would be if I were to collect all the back rent you owe me. Well, that lets you out. You see, Mrs. Davis, if I paid you back everything I owe... No, no, I didn't mean to ruin your day, Connie. Your credit is still good with me. Besides, even if you did make a substantial payment to me through some sudden miracle, I still couldn't go abroad. I feel I should spend the summer with my sister Angela. Oh, isn't she feeling well, Mrs. Davis? Well, she's all right physically, but the poor thing gets more absent-minded every year. She really needs me, Connie. Did I tell you about our last telephone conversation? No, you didn't. No, I didn't talk to you. You didn't tell me about your last phone conversation? Well, you seldom tell me about your phone conversation. Pull up a couch and lie down. To get back to my plans... Oh, there's Walter Denton. Be right there, Walter! Oh, thank goodness he's not coming in for breakfast. We've only got six eggs left. Connie, before you go, I'd like to make a suggestion. What is it? Why don't you tell Walter about the Hawkins travel agency? Maybe his parents would like to send him away for the summer. They'd probably love to send him away, but I don't think it would be fair to Europe. They have enough of a food problem now. There's something different about the car today, Walter. You've made it very cheerful somehow. Just by adding you, Miss Brooks. Now, there's something plus me. I know. You've painted the top a nice shade of sky blue. Oh, I've done better than that. I left the top at home. You are looking at the sky itself. Oh, well, it's better than looking straight ahead. Nothing to see there but fleeing pedestrians. Walter, have you noticed the travel posters all over town? Yeah, I have, Miss Brooks. Why? I was just wondering, how would you like to eat your way of travel across Europe this summer? Me? My folks would never let me go abroad alone. Well, so much the better. Maybe they'd enjoy a European trip, too. No, I'm afraid not, Miss Brooks. They've already made their plans for a summer vacation. Well, I'm sorry. They've got other plans, Walter. It would have been nice to have you all along. But along? Are you going abroad, Miss Brooks? I'm trying to. If I tell you something in strictest confidence, will you promise to keep it quiet? My jaws are a steel trap. That I know. Just be sure you keep them shut. The truth is, Walter, if I can get three other customers for the Hawkins Agency, I can tour France and Switzerland for a third of the regular price. Gosh, that's a wonderful deal, Miss Brooks. Have you thought about Mr. Conklin? Only when I eat something heavy before going to bed. Mr. Conklin never takes his family any place but to Crystal Lake. They have a cottage there, you know. I know, but Harriet told me that her mother's fed up with it and would very much like to travel this summer. Look, why don't you drop in and have a heart-to-heart talk with Mr. Conklin? I don't know, Walter. As a rule, he isn't very partial to suggestions that come from me. But Harriet and Mrs. Conklin have been buttering him up for weeks. All you'd have to do is apply the final coat. And if I may be permitted a personal observation, Miss Brooks, you are without a doubt the greatest little SAV artist since Florence Nightingale. Thank you, Dr. Kildare. Let's finish, Daddy. I've dusted your office until it shined. Thank you, Harriet. Don't mention it, Daddy. Why, it's the least any daughter could do for a father who's so sweet and considerate and unselfish. Please, Harriet, desist all that butter's taking the starch out of my collar. However, I do appreciate you're getting my office in shape. Mr. Stone is coming over from the Board of Education this afternoon to discuss next term's curriculum. Next term? But, Daddy, we haven't had our summer vacation yet. And while we're on the subject... While we're on the subject, let's drop it. Do you have a very pleasant surprise for your mother and yourself if things work out this afternoon? A surprise? What kind, Daddy? Oh, come on, you can tell me. I won't read the word to a soul. Well, you'd worm it out of me sooner or later, I suppose. Briefly, I've made an arrangement with the Hawkins Travel Agency, whereby we can visit Honolulu for one-third of the regular rate if we secure three other tourists for them. And you think Mr. Stone might be one of the prospects? Exactly. He'd probably love a vacation trip. He's often mentioned how hard he's been working. That's a laugh. Chairman of the Board of Education working hard. Don't quote me, John. But, Daddy, what about the other two? Who is it? It's Miss Brooks, sir. One moment, Miss Brooks. She's the last person in the world I want to see this morning, always grumbling about something or other. But, Daddy, I understand Miss Brooks is going to do some traveling this summer. I don't care what Miss Brooks is going to do this summer, Harriet, so long as she's going to do some traveling this summer. Come in, Miss Brooks. That will be all, Harriet. Run along to Clare. Yes, Daddy. Hi, Miss Brooks. Hi, Harriet. Bye, Miss Brooks. Well, sit down, sit down. How is my favourite English teacher this morning? Oh, Miss Enright is fine, Mr. Conklin. Oh, no, I was referring to you, my dear. I can't tell you how delighted I am to see you. I was just thinking of the past year and how you've helped so greatly to make it a happy one for me. Huh? Oh, we've had our little differences. Some unfortunate incidents have occurred. Like the time you dropped the typewriter on my sore foot. The afternoon you spilled the ink on my new suit. And that day in the cafeteria, when you wantonly rushed me from behind and scattered a tray full of food all over my vest. And then when you had the colossal ball. All water under the bridge, isn't it? What I started to say was that I wouldn't have known what to do without you. Well, that's very sweet of you, Mr. Conklin. Not at all. Where would Madison High School be without teachers like yourself? And where would we teachers be without a principal like yourself? Oh, you're very kind, Miss Brooks. You're generous, Mr. Conklin. You're loyal. You're sincere. You're honest. You're benevolent. You're true blue. Oh, I'm sorry if I forgot to wait my turn. Miss Brooks, I heard you were thinking of travelling this summer. And I heard you were thinking of travelling this summer. Yes, yes. I was considering the possibility of a trip to Honolulu. I was considering Switzerland. You'd love Honolulu, Miss Brooks. Oh, you'd be wild about Switzerland, Mr. Conklin. Honolulu is so relaxing. Switzerland is so invigorating. It's so colourful. It's fantastic. It's delightful. It's awe-inspiring. It's... Oops, you almost missed your turn again. Well, Miss Brooks, wherever you do elect to travel, I'd like to call a certain agency to your attention. Have you heard of the Hawkins travel agency? Oh, yes, indeed. They're very efficient. They're extremely alert. They're up to the minute. They're progressive. They're... I pass. Let's just say we agree that the Hawkins agency one will both use this summer. Fine, fine. You've been most cooperative, Miss Brooks. Well, you're sweet to say so. You're extremely thoughtful. Mr. Conklin, before we go around again, there's something I'd like to say. What's that, Miss Brooks? This is the first time I've ever heard of two people polishing the same apple. Friends, when you suffer torturous pain from rheumatism, muscle strain, or backache, you want relief fast. That's the time to reach for heat, H-E-E-T. Heat, the liniment that's strong yet does not burn. The moment you apply it, you can feel heat soothing warmth working to relieve your painful miseries. That's because heat penetrates deep, brings immediate relief to sore aching muscles. Wherever you ache, just brush on heat. Heat penetrates deep, keeps working for hours to bring wonderful soothing comfort to the painful aching area. When pain seems to disappear, heat isn't oily, sticky, or messy. You just brush on heat with a handy applicator that comes with each bottle, and it dries in seconds. So remember, when pain of rheumatism, muscle strain, or backache makes you miserable, heat's penetrating warmth gives you fast, long-lasting relief. Get heat, H-E-E-T. Heat, the liniment that penetrates deep to bring immediate relief. While Miss Brooks thought she had a great proposition when the Hawkins Travel Agency agreed to take her through France and Switzerland for a third of the regular price if she'd provide three other tourists. Mr. Cocklin, however, has made the same deal with him, and so far he and Miss Brooks have succeeded in selling just one other person on the service, namely each other. In the school cafeteria at lunchtime, Miss Brooks is awaiting prospect number two in the person of Mr. Boynton, as the person of Mr. Boynton is completing an important phone call in the booth across the room. Well, things are going just fine so far. Yes, I've got one of the customers I need for our deal all sewed up, Mr. Hawkins. When I told him I was going to use your service, too, our principal all but jumped down my throat. Now all I need are two more and I'll be on my way to Mexico. No, I don't anticipate a bit of trouble. One of my prospects is waiting to have lunch with me right now. Well, thank you, Mr. Hawkins. Hasta la vista. I'll be over as soon as I stop at the steam table, Miss Brooks. You don't have to... Well, you shouldn't have done this, Miss Brooks. I wanted to buy lunch for you today. You did? Well, I have the checks right here. I wasn't very thoughtful of you to take care of it, though. I shouldn't let you do it, really. Well, you can still pick up the... It's bad enough that you pay for your own lunch without trying to... Well, nothing's been paid for yet, Mr. Boynton. The cashier's on the way out, and if you want to take... Oh, it wouldn't be very gracious of me to make an issue, but now I suppose. But I don't want this to become a habit. Now, from here on in, it's Dutch. Sounds exciting. By the way, Mr. Boynton, I understand you're thinking of doing some traveling this summer. Yes, Miss Brooks, I am planning a trip. I think it's the only way to spend a vacation. How about you? Oh, nothing like it. I'm determined to travel this summer. Oh, may I ask where to, Miss Brooks? France and Switzerland, mostly. Oh, I can picture it now. Bern, Lucerne, Interlochen... I'm going to Mexico. Acapulco, Ensenada, Tijuana... Well, there's nothing like it. But, Miss Brooks, the cities you just mentioned are in Mexico, not Switzerland. I know, but I'm not prejudiced. Maybe I'll take a peek at Mexico before I hit the continent. Or better yet, maybe I can persuade you to come to Europe with me. I don't know, Miss Brooks. Mexico's pretty exciting. Switzerland's invigorating. Mexico is so colorful. Switzerland is so majestic. Mexico is so romantic. Switzerland is so Mexican. I mean, it would be nice to travel together, Mr. Boynton. Well, I'm not planning a very luxurious trip, Miss Brooks. I'd want to see something of the back country. Oh, naturally, naturally. I can see us now, sitting together under a big Mexican moon. We'd hire a couple of donkeys, and after five days of steady riding, we'd be deep in the interior. I can see us now, standing under a big Mexican moon. You know, Miss Brooks, I'm extremely interested in the remains of the Aztec and Inca civilizations. And come to think of it, there's no one with whom I'd rather explore those old ruins than you. I don't know whether to feel flattered or have my face lifted. But, Mr. Boynton, wherever we decide to go this summer, I think a good travel agency is most important, don't you? Oh, oh, yes, I do. Have you heard of the Hawkins Agency? I was just going to ask you the same question. They're very efficient. Oh, they're extremely alert. They're up to the minute. They're progressive, and I pass again. Then it's agreed you'll use the Hawkins travel agency? I wouldn't go anywhere without them. Positively, Miss Brooks? Absolutely, Mr. Sheehan. Get up a minute, Miss Brooks. Oh, hello, Walter. Oh, I'm glad I caught you before your next class. I've been anxious to find out how you did with Mr. Conklin this morning. Wonderfully, Walter. He's promised to use the Hawkins travel agency this summer. And better than that, so has Mr. Boynton. Now all I need is one more customer, and it's gay-per-ee for little me. Uh, that's cute. And, Miss Brooks, I think I've got just what you want right here in my pocket. He'd never fit. Oh, you mean another customer? Exactly. I heard from Harriet that Mr. Stone's coming over this afternoon, and I happen to know that he's extremely interested in traveling this year. Of course, he might be a little tougher to approach than the others, but I've thought of a way around that. Walter, what would I do without you? Oh, don't even think of such a bleak prospect. But, Miss Brooks, if you're gonna sell Mr. Stone on a trip, you've got to do it graphically, not just with words, but with gestures and costumes. Costume? Yeah, I figured that out, too. In the home economics room is a complete wardrobe designed for the senior show. Oh, there's one black satin gown in particular in there that's guaranteed to make young men old and old men young. You kill garment. Ooh, la-la. How do you know it'll fit me? The tighter the better, Nespain. Well, you want Mr. Stone's eyes to bulge, don't you? Bulge, yes, but I don't want them to roll down his cheeks. I suppose it's worth a try, though. A try? Why, in this dress, you will look like a continental spy. Please, Walter, I just want to go abroad for the summer. I don't want to be deported. harvest Brooks will return in a moment. We've come a long way from the days of the town crier. From the first moment, airwaves put communications on a worldwide basis. The days of the town crier were numbered. Today, people depend on their radio sets to bring the world into their homes. Of course, there's something backing up the radio set. Here at CBS Radio, we have a brilliant reporting staff, including Edward R. Murrow, Lowell Thomas, Douglas Edwards, and Robert Trout. All four heard every weekday evening on most of these same stations. But there's a mighty important something backing up our reporters, too. It's the CBS News worldwide staff of eyewitness observers. When Messers, Murrow, Thomas, Edwards, and Trout, and the rest of the CBS News great names in reporting, aren't often the four corners of the world seeing for themselves, they're on home base receiving reports from a battery of newsmen whose many years of experience have made every man an expert in his section of the world. For top reporting backed by keen experience at the scene of the news, make CBS News your listening post on history, daytime or night, throughout the week. Well, it seems that both Mr. Conklin and Miss Brooks have the same prospect in mind as their third tourist for the Hawkins Travel Agency. This doesn't seem too illogical when you consider that they have the same prospects in mind for the first two tourists as well. However, this time they have both decided to convince their man graphically. Well, Harriet, if Mr. Stone will fall for the line of malarkey, if he'll act upon my suggestion, that is, if he'll utilize the Hawkins Travel Agency this summer, we'll get a trip to Honolulu with practically nothing. Oh, it sounds great, Daddy. And this costume you've put on should certainly help to convince him. We were lucky to find a flower lay in this yoke in the senior show prop box. They go beautifully with that gay Hawaiian shirt you're wearing. Well, we can only hope that... Oh, that must be Mr. Stone now. I'd like to talk to him alone, Harriet. All right, Daddy. I'll go out through your inner office. Good luck. Come in, please. Oh, good afternoon, Osgoodie. Oh, pardon me, madam. Oh, you were right the first time, Mr. Stone. It is indeed I, Osgood Conklin. Aloha, sir. What? No doubt you're wondering why I'm dressed in this manner. Oh, no, all my principals come to school with flower lays around their necks. Well, I could explain very rapidly, Mr. Stone, but first let me ask you something. Does this costume of mine give you any idea? I should say it does. But before I have you dismissed, I'm going to find out where you're hiding the bottle. I never touch intoxicating beverages, Mr. Stone. I'm merely trying to create a mental image for you. A mental image? I want to go back to my little grass shack in Kearakau, Hawaii. Oh, no! With the hum-a-hum-a-nook-a-nook-a-a-paw, ooh-a-a-a-a-a-a swimming bath. Conklin, put down that ukulele. Pardon me, sir, but it's ukulele. Well, whatever it is, put it away. Have you taken leave of your senses? I know, sir. It's just I heard you're contemplating a trip this summer, and I thought I might be able to give you an idea of where to go. No, I could easily give you an idea of where to go. You see, I'm well aware of the efficacy of a graphic description. That's why I'm clad in this fashion. I, Mr. Stone, represent Honolulu. Honolulu. What are you trying to do? Keep people on the mainland this summer? Come in. Mr. Boynton. What are you doing with that sombrero on? And that horse blanket draped over your shoulder. Boynton, are you posing as a Mexican? See, Senor. Now listen to me. No, you listen, Mr. Conklin. I am El Rancho Grande. I am El David. Of you, una rancherita. Que alegrime de silla. Que alegrime de silla. I mean everything. Between that guitar and your confounded ukulele, Conklin. I think it's ukulele, Mr. Stone. I don't care what you think, Boynton. I didn't mean to upset you, Mr. Stone. Just that I heard you were planning a trip and I thought you might enjoy a visit to Mexico. Mexico, nothing, Boynton. We're all going to Honolulu. I haven't decided yet where I'm going, Leilani. Then I still have the chance. I am El Rancho Grande. I am El David. Now, Conklin. I came over here to discuss the curriculum for next semester. And if I can do so without any further interruptions, I'll be very surprised. Conklin. Miss Brooks. Miss Brooks. Say television isn't bringing back Vaudeville. Miss Brooks, what are you doing in that Parisian gown? And an alpine hat. This is probably trying to represent France. But naturalement. And Switzerland. Certainement. Both? But of course not. Oh, there is nothing like Paris in the summer. The Arc de Triomphe, the Rue de la Paix, the Place de la Concorde, and Piccadilly Circus. Miss Brooks, Piccadilly Circus happens to be in London. Right, oh, Governor. But if you were so nearby, you wouldn't want to miss that now, would you? No, see here, Miss Brooks. Then when you leave Paris, you must come with me to Switzerland. In the alpine villages that are French, you will find the wine, the women, and the song. Yes, I'm sure that's true, Miss Brooks. And then we go to the Bavarian Elf. Immediately you notice there is a big difference. A big difference? Yeah. There, with the women and the song, you get beer. Action, what beer? Two bottles, and you ski down the whole mountains without your skis. Well, all this is very enlightening. However... That's the way you're wrong. Is there no lightning in the Italiano Alps? The Italiano Alps? Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but to me this sounds like Arthur Godfrey and his enemies. I'm trying to convince you to travel through Switzerland this summer, Mr. Stone. I'm afraid I have no intention of going to Switzerland, Miss Brooks. Good! Aye, Arnell Rancho! Oh, quiet, Boynton! I'm not going to Mexico, either. Of course he's not. Oh, why in Ireland? I'll tell you in a moment. But first may I say that I'm very touched that you're all so anxious to have me with you during the coming vacation. Well, that's because we're all so fond of you, Mr. Stone. Then you'll be pleased to know that you're all going traveling with me this summer. You see, by bringing in you three customers, I get a very reasonable deal from the Hawkins Travelator. And the trip I have planned for us is a walking trip through darkest Africa. Darkest Africa? Darkest Africa? Miss Brooks, where are you going? Mr. Conklin was played by Gail Gordon. Be sure to be with us next week for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks.