 We are going to welcome to the military life and the stage Miss Jody Womack. Hello there. Some words are really hard to say. Words like I'm alone. I feel lonely. I'm depressed. Nobody would possibly be able to understand how this feels. And I feel those words sometimes. I feel them. I'm human. I'm emotional. But I also feel the power in saying those words aloud and letting me share them with other people. And I know I'm not alone in those feelings. Just last week this came out. This is real. This is happening. This was a survey that said one in three military families don't have anybody they could ask a favor of. Maybe you've been at some of those places. Maybe you've felt that way. Back when I was a kid, Wonder Woman epitomized everything that was good. She was strong and powerful and beautiful. And I wanted to be her. And one year I did. I dressed up as Wonder Woman for Halloween. And actually my mom put together this awesome outfit for me, complete with the headband and the magic lasso that made people tell the truth and the bracelets that could deflect bullets and also do that awesome crashing thing that made everything around her stop. We were joking that my invisible jet is behind the scenes here on base. But really growing up, I think about my mom and she was my Wonder Woman. She was my hero. She was beautiful, elegant. She embodied all of those characteristics that she was kind and she was out to make the world a better place. And she did so much for my sister and I. She was in all of our classes. She led our teams. She was in our school. She was in our school mom programs and all that good stuff. But what I found out later was she was also helping other kids with special needs and disadvantaged kids be the best that they could be as well in addition to helping my sister and I. And then later, she also took care of her grandkids and she nursed her mother for 20 years through her illness. And she just had this Wonder Woman quality about her that she could handle anything. So the first part of my life from when I was born to about 18, 20 years old, she was my Wonder Woman. And then the second phase of my life, we got to be Wonder Women together and we traveled the world and we got to play and have fun and do great things and sometimes we ended up wearing the same outfits just because we like the same things and so much of what we did, we did together. And truly, she's my best friend. And I always thought I would have more of that time with her in my life where we could adventure and play and build things and help people. But most recently, about four years ago, I went home to visit my folks. There they are. Aren't they so cute? I went over and I hugged my dad. I gave him a great big hug and he loved that. And then went over and I hugged my mom. It was the first time I ever noticed that she was kind of thin. She felt thin, like slight, almost frail. So I asked her, I said, hey mom, can I go to your next doctor's appointment with you? Just check out, hear what's going on. She said yes. And I think she just liked when I would come down to visit. They live in Los Angeles now. I used to live about 100 miles away from them. So we went to a doctor's appointment. And that led to being referred to a specialist. And then there were scans and MRIs. And about eight months in, I knew where this was going. And our family had gone through something similar with my dad just years before. He's a cancer survivor. He's actually a walking miracle. But he is alive and cancer-free, six years now, passed. But with my mom, I knew something was up. And then one day, the neurologist said to my mom, looked her straight in the eye and said, Eileen, you have dementia. She smiled and said okay. And it wasn't okay. That's not the normal response to that kind of news. And all along our journey, I had known this was coming because we were filling out the same forms. And if you've ever been to the doctor's office, you fill out the same forms every time you go. And next doctor's office, same thing, more forms. And it was getting harder and harder for her to recall details of her life. And so in this new phase, I've stepped into my being Wonder Woman with her. And it's different than what I thought it was going to be. And it's definitely not about being a hero. It's not about being perfect. But it's about being present. And now what I, my criteria for good days with her are safe and clean and joyful. Those are my criteria. And I use all of my superpowers at my availability to make sure that's true for her. This is her last week I got to go home and visit Los Angeles for the week. And we got outside and we pet dogs and we went for walks and we picked up petals and leaves and waved at neighbors and trashmen and trucks. And so now I'm redefining what adventure with her looks like. But it's still in my core. It's finding that love and connection. And finding joy that we can still both share together. I share all this with you because what I'm finding is hardship is really hard to talk about. And there's so much of it. And you all hold yourselves together so well. And when people look at you and they say, how are you? You say, I'm great. I'm good. How are you? And I think we're trained to hold ourselves together and make it through and muddle through and do it on our own. But what I'm finding is we don't have to do it on our own. There's a lot of superheroes all around us. So I'll invite you to think about who you may need to talk to. Who could help out with some of the hardships or things that are going on in your life? Maybe they're not your hardships. Maybe there's someone in your immediate family, immediate circle of love. When I first started, I had good days and bad. Days where I could focus clearly. And some days where I would be in my workout class and I would find myself just standing there. Like I had played a negative story in my head where my body couldn't keep going anymore. I'd just stand there. And so on the good days, what I would do is I would leave myself some clues. And something as simple as making a mind map. I put my name in the middle and I drew spokes and I wrote down the names of people I could trust. People that I could call and they would call me back or text and they would text me back. My immediate team. And I left those as clues for myself around. I put one in my purse and in my pocket and this one is a really big poster board up on my tape to my bookshelf in my office. But when I look up at there and I see all those names of people in my circles and it keeps growing. I don't know if you notice that, but it keeps growing because I have different kinds of days and I have different needs and different kinds of questions now that I need support in. And so I encourage you to start building your team before you need it. This idea that we have to do it alone. Wonder Woman, you are not alone. Superheroes, we are not alone. There are so many people that want to help. So many people. I recently just added this one of support group in the top right. Before we moved my mom would come and stay with us for a week a month. Give my dad a little break. And so I started going to a support group for caregivers of dementia. People with dementia. And I had a lot of judgment on myself because I wasn't doing it full time and everybody else there was taking care of spouses and parents and actually children where they were living 24 hours a day, seven days, 365 days a year. And I felt unworthy. Like I didn't meet it as much or as bad as they did. And I said, oh honey, if you've changed diapers and then showered somebody and then had to change them and feed them and shower them again, you're one of us. We know what that's like. We know how hard those days are. So I started going for myself, but then also people started telling me that hearing my story helped them. And so I encourage you to think of your whole life, your whole being and where can you get support? Who are the people that you can call on? Because we're whole beings here. And the military teaches you to be great airmen. And you need to remember that you're also great humans, great beings that need to connect. And this idea of being vulnerable is terrifying. I have thought about this talk. This 20 minute talk has maybe occupied my mind for 60 or 100 hours. Because it's way different than teaching productivity tips or anything that's outside of me. This is, you know, opening up and sharing what's really happening behind the scenes. So this was my mind map when we moved from California to Alabama, seamless transition, but what I did was I thought about people who had ever moved for work or their spouses work. And I made this list of clients and teenagers and friends and people that maybe hadn't initiated the change, but were going along with it. Having that diagnosis with my mom coincide with my husband telling me he just got offered his dream job to teach leadership at the Air Force for people who really wanted it. The only problem was 2000 miles away from where I was used to. And so that in the beginning really tore me internally. What kind of daughter do I need to be? What kind of spouse do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to live? There's no easy questions, no easy answers for sure. But having a support team of people that I could talk things through and give myself the gift of my own attention and hear my thoughts by talking them out loud was so helpful. So I encourage you to do this thing of finding your people and not just find them, but ask of them because I know people say please call on me for help. I actually just got a text recently last week from a new friend here in Alabama and she said, if you ever want to cry, call me. And I looked at it and it almost made me cry because it was so sweet and so genuine. And then it made me laugh. It's like that's a really unique offer. I've never been offered that from a friend before. And so I called her and I said, thank you. Thank you for reaching out to me that way. And then I tried it with some of my friends back home that I know are going through some challenging times. And I said, I added my own spin. I said, if you ever want to talk or cry or cuss, call me. Those are my superpowers. I'm here for you. So there are ways of doing this. There are good ways of doing this. Coming to events like this to see what leadership looks like, all the different shapes and forms and theories and technologies and systems and tools. So many. What's yours? Showing up in person? We could have sent you a brief. You could read a book. There's no shortage of leadership books out there if you haven't noticed. But when we all come together in person, something different happens. This happens. We meet up. I encourage you to do that, whether that's coffee, lunch, happy hour, working out, taking a walk, showing up with people. As an introvert, this is one of the hardest things for me. So I do it individually. I'm way more comfortable meeting one-on-one with people and saying, yeah, let's meet up for lunch. I'd really like that. Second is in print. What are you allowing in? What kind of input are you doing? If I let social media and the general masses tell me what is going on with dementia, there's no good news there. So what I do is I focus on who's doing improvements, who's looking at nutrition and movement and socialization and who's making things possible, who's doing something that's working. And I let that news feed fill me up and I share it and I dig deeper and I practice and I experiment with it. And then the last one is online. And we're online a lot. I don't know if you're all been texting people back at home or back at where you're from. But it's online. It's video. It's phone calls. It's social media. However you show up, be really discerning with what you let in and how you let it affect you because those are things that are up to you. That's within your realm of control. And I'm finding with some of the people that I can't meet up with in person that I truly wish I could, video chat on Zoom or FaceTime, Facebook Live, those things like how do I see you? My 82-year-old dad has, we've hooked him up so his hearing aid talks directly to his phone. And now you know what? The level of stress is down when we talk and I'm not repeating and screaming into the phone. How are you? What's going on with mom? And it's helped all of us. And I never saw that coming. I never saw that as a possibility how technology could help in this field. I'm open to it. I'm asking for help. Even the techies can really help with this human condition of being an emotional feeling person. And so one of the things that I learned when I moved to the south and to Maxwell and working with Air University is there's so many resources. I was invited to the key spouse training program, which I took and really appreciated because it gave me a huge appreciation for the support networks available and the people that are volunteering. They just want to help if you've ever reached out to that key spouse network. They're there to help connect the dots for you and with you and your family. And one of the resources that I learned about was this readiness center that they have on basis all over. And they have everything from financial planning and therapy and counseling and chaplains and the whole realm of support to help transition and make things easier and give you the kind of network that you need. You don't have to do it alone. And one of the things the ladies told me that I learned at the key spouse was there's this website and she'd been in the Air Force for 15 years as a spouse and had never logged in. She says I don't even know what kind of resources are in there but I know that there's something in there to help me out. So I encourage you, find out just even what's available and maybe it's not for you. Maybe your superpower is being a resource and connecting dots for the people in your community. But I say that with a big warm emotional heart saying I can be that person for you if that's something you need please stay in touch. This is my contact information. And I'll say dear wonder women and other superheroes in the audience, you're not alone. We can connect and we're all better together. Thank you so much.