 Hey survivors, welcome to the narcissist abuse Q&A, please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you would like to make a donation, you can do this through the live chat or you can donate from my paypal. The link is in the video description. If you are interested in one on one coaching with me, please send me an email. My email address is also in the video description. This is the first Q&A video I have done. If you like this Q&A video, please give it a thumbs up and share it with anyone who you believe may help. Then I will know that this is something that people want to see and I can do more videos like this. I am going to read a comment from Anne Vigines who is asking about the dynamic of two narcissists in a relationship. I wonder about narcissists couples and the dynamic between them. I know a couple where the boyfriend is an overt narcissist and the girlfriend is a covert narcissist. He is definitely the dominant one in the relationship. But she does a lot of underhanded things to him, most of the time he doesn't notice. But she definitely uses him as an excuse for messed up things she is doing. She constantly throws him under the bus. It's just a really weird dynamic of two people constantly abusing one another and only really bonding to gang up on someone else. Is this the kind of dynamic a narcissist couple will generally have? When there are two narcissists in a relationship, one will play the dominant role while the other will be submissive. These roles could also change at any time. When there are two narcissists in a relationship, they will both be self-absorbed and lack empathy. Both using each other for their own needs without a care for the other person. They will abuse each other at times it could become quite overwhelming for them. As you said, they will often team up to target someone else. They will either bond over the mutual transaction of having their needs met by each other or through abuse in someone else. They don't really care about each other. It's a completely empty relationship where two people are using each other to get their needs met. Nolan Clay asks if there are ways to make sure a child will not be influenced or hurt by a narcissistic mother. If the child is living with a narcissistic mother, they are going to be influenced in some way and unless you can remove the child from that situation, they are not much you can do about that. However, you can teach the child healthy qualities, traits and behaviours that could counteract what the narcissistic mother is teaching. As children, we naturally live in the moment. Narcissistic parents abuse and manipulate young children in a way that they are pulled out of the present moment and forced into ruminating about the past or being anxious about the future. I would recommend teaching the child how to remain mindful and focus on the present moment. Ask them questions throughout the day that get them to focus on what they are doing in the present if you are playing sports or a video game with a child. Ask them, how are you feeling? Are you hungry or thirsty? This gets them to pay attention to their body and mind and what they are doing in the present when the child is going to have food. Ask them, how does the food smell and taste? Is it spicy or sweet? This is practicing mindfulness and teaching the child to be humble and appreciate the little things in life which is where the most satisfaction is. The child's diet is very important. They should avoid fizzy drinks and sugary foods should be limited. Food and vegetables everyday will help the child to maintain their energy levels as well as high quality mineral water. You could also teach the child deep breathing exercises to manage their anxiety. I could go on and on here. I would like to recommend my playlist of videos on healing from narcissistic abuse as many of the steps can help the child to heal too. A question from Joe. Why do some narcissists have insight into their own behaviour such as other YouTubers? Well most have none and thus refuse to accept responsibility for their own actions. Some narcissists have an insight into their own behaviour because they have developed a level of self awareness. Some examples are Sam Vaknin or H.G. Tudor. Many people are fooled into believing that they have developed a self awareness to help other people. I believe that as narcissists they realise that they were in a position to receive an abundance of attention, approval, validation and admiration from people who are seeking the knowledge which they naturally possess. Their obsessive desire for this and knowing that this was something that they could obtain by reflecting on themselves was likely worth the pain and the shame it may have caused. In most situations narcissists will avoid or block any insight into their own behaviour as that will not benefit them in any way. Narcissists are self absorbed and lack empathy so they are not going to reflect on their own behaviour unless it benefits them in some way. Clint York posted a comment about being accused of being a narcissist. My Narcissist goes around telling everyone that I am a narcissist and posts as many things as she can online about being abused and blah blah she won't communicate with me directly but she makes sure that she does indirectly. How do you combat that? I haven't been in contact with her for a couple of weeks but she constantly plays this victim role which is the same role she played that sucked me in when we met. I don't know how to go about not driving myself crazy over it. I know it's not a popular subject but I am not over her and I don't know what to do. I know it's not nice being accused of something you are not. You have to understand that this has more to do with them than it does to do with you. They are trying to take the focus off themselves. It also makes them feel powerful and in control if they are able to convince everyone that you are a narcissist. In the narcissist mind they are thinking wow these people are so stupid. Look at how easily I can fool them make them believe what I want and they just believe what I say I must be so powerful. The narcissist does not care that they are distorting other people's beliefs and perceptions. All they care about is controlling you and if they have to make up lies to do that they will. She is indirectly communicating with you because she is a coward. She does not have the confidence to approach or confront you about what she is accusing you of. Which suggests that she doesn't even believe her own lie. She is telling everyone around you so that they can reinforce her beliefs and make it more believable for her. Covid narcissists are known to play the victim role and they will often use this to justify the abuse and any smear campaigns. Avoid telling people that you are not a narcissist. The psychology behind this is that when you say that you are not something that you are being accused of. They don't hear you saying I am not a narcissist or they hear is the word narcissist and then they subconsciously apply that label to you in their minds. Instead let your behaviour demonstrate your true character and personality. Anyone who believes this accusation without talking to you about it is likely a toxic person or fly monkey. These types of people feel worthless and insignificant. So they will try to project how they feel onto you but remember they are just using this accusation as an excuse to justify what they are doing to you. This really has more to do with them than it does to do with you. Try to avoid any fly monkeys. They will push and provoke you sometimes for years or even the rest of your life until you do become the very thing that they are accusing you of. Only then will they be satisfied as until that point your positive character and personality is only reflecting on them and how worthless and insignificant they feel. Many of them might also be envious and jealous of all of the attention you are receiving. Whether it's positive or negative the part about the fly monkeys may not apply to your situation but just in case this does happen. I thought it would be best to provide this information. Simone Bell posted a question about projection when I confronted my narcissist once. He said that I was unhinged and unstable. Does that mean he is projecting his feelings onto me? Or does he genuinely think I'm like that? It's possible if he has managed to emotionally destabilise you but they do also exaggerate your flaws, imperfections, faults and mistakes. This is also a form of projection. Any flaws, imperfections, faults or mistakes you have or make triggers them to reflect on themselves and their low self-esteem and low self-worth. They cannot lock at their own flaws, imperfections, faults or mistakes. It's too painful for them. Their way of dealing with this is to project or blameshift onto you, A comment by Soma Ali. I want to be happy again. I can't erase from my mind that the man I loved actually tried to kill me. I am afraid from loving anyone and trusting anybody again. How can I forget all of these shits that these people have done? Please help. I understand that you want to be happy again and you want to be able to trust people. This isn't something that will change overnight, especially with what you have experienced. I have experienced a similar thing and this is something that will take some time to change. Give yourself some time each day to focus on the feelings which have come from what this man tried to do to you. At some point you will come to a place of acceptance, you will be able to forgive and let go of any grudges or resentment you have towards him. You have to forgive this person eventually to free yourself as long as you have any negative emotions towards this person you are still allowing him to control your feelings. These feelings are going to keep you at a low emotional vibrational frequency so give yourself some time each day to focus on how you feel about what you have experienced. Meditate on your experiences for 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes before you go to sleep. In time you will be able to heal yourself from what you have experienced with this man. You will then be able to trust men again but continue to educate yourself on cluster B disorders and heal your childhood traumas so that you can avoid attracting people like that in the future. Maxine Clark asks, after narcissistic abuse, how do we set boundaries without feeling guilty? This is a tough one I am sure for many of us empaths. The narcissist strips of all trust and I find that I am avoiding people at all costs but this was not my behaviour before the narc. How can I move on and learn to set healthy boundaries? If you set a boundary and then begin to feel guilty pay attention to the thoughts that are making you feel this way. Do you feel as though you are doing something wrong or you do not deserve to have boundaries? This is caused by the narcissist programming making you believe that you are not human. They see you as an object or as an extension of themselves. You are not a separate being so they feel entitled to you and whatever they can use you for. When you feel guilty for setting boundaries identify the thoughts that are making you feel this way and then remind yourself why you need to set boundaries. Boundaries are essential to practicing self love and having healthy relationships. People who do not have boundaries or cross over other peoples boundaries will have low self esteem and low self worth. They feel compelled to cross boundaries to have a sense of power and control over the situation. This is really just to compensate for their low self esteem and low self worth so you will need to avoid these types of people at the first sign of them crossing your boundaries. They will only bring you down to their level. Buzzing bee commented was wondering if anything can cause a narcissist to hit rock bottom and want change. Also why God doesn't cause them to want to seek him or change. They are crisis would cause the narcissist to want change if they are no longer getting what they want from you. If they are not getting narcissistic supply and they somehow realise that projecting and blame shifting onto you isn't going to help them get what they want maybe then they would desire to change but I believe that they would only change until they get back to where they were before and then they would continue where they left off with what previously worked for them. My personal opinion is that there is a place for everyone in this world. Even narcissists if we were all exactly the same it would be boring. The narcissist purpose is to reveal our weaknesses and vulnerabilities so that we can strengthen them. Reveal our insecurities so that we can learn to accept them. The narcissist could potentially help you to become your best self by revealing your weaknesses vulnerabilities and insecurities to you. That's all for this video. If you want to see more Q&A videos please give the video a thumbs up and share it with anyone who you believe may help then I will know that this is something that you want to see and I can do more of them. Thank you for watching. Thanks to all my subscribers for the questions. I hope this video has helped you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Talk to you soon.