 I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man, and I'm here to read the parties to you happy boys and honeys. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly Time, and here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Hello, hello, hello, Lou. Hello, hello, hello. Well, little miss, honey, how are you today? Well, I'm just glad. Oh, you bet I did. Did you fire any firecrackers? No, I didn't have to. The children in my neighborhood made so much racket with theirs, I didn't need to fire any. Well, I did. Well, were you careful with them? Oh, yes, I was very careful. I put them on the ground first, see? Yeah. Then I... Yeah. And then I can torch on the end of the stick, see? Mm-hmm. And then my father lighted the torch with a match, see? Ah, yes. And I was at the other end, by the... Oh, that was a wonderful idea. Yes, cricket, because I do. Well, I think you should get a special kind of medal for safety. Thank you. Well, you should be careful when you're using things that are explosive or dangerous. Yes, you should. And I'm glad that you were. So am I. Now could you please read me the funny? Puck the Comic Weekly? Yes. Very well, I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page, under bringing up father, Beedle Bailey. Magic wits for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Toot me a toot and tweet me a tweedle. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beedle. Today, General Half-Track is on the telephone. This is General Half-Track. Is Captain Scabbard there? And at the other end of the line, Beedle answers. No, sir, but if you'll hold the phone, I'll go look for him. Beedle puts down the phone and dashes out of the office to look for Captain Scabbard. And then another door opens. And in comes Captain Scabbard with the sergeant. I just have to see that ballgame today. Last picture top row, the sergeant says. Yeah, but Captain, the general is coming to inspect the area today. Captain Scabbard opens a desk door right beside the phone to get his tickets for the ballgame. Oh, you can handle the old goat. First picture bottom row, he puts his cap on. Tell him I went to the hospital with a split infinitive. And the sergeant, who is standing right beside the phone, laughs. He's so stupid, he'd believe it. And then the two men walk out of the office. Yeah, just butter him up. Tell him how well organized the camp is. And then in the other door dashes Beedle. He picks up the receiver, which has been lying on the table. Hello? I couldn't find him, sir. Never mind. I know where he is. Beedle hangs up the phone. And why the heck did he make me run all over the camp looking? Last picture, we're at the ballgame. Two military police have dragged the captain out of his seat. And what shall we do with him, general? And the general sits down in the captain's seat and watching the ballgame answers. Split his infinitive and lock him in a hospital room. And the captain shakes his head sadly and groans. Somebody talk. Raise brakes and you're out. That was a good joke on the captain. He didn't notice that the receiver was off the hook in his office and all the things he said about the general went right into the telephone. And right into the general's ear, because he was at the other end of the line listening. Oh, that's in the ballgame. He's already sorry. Yes, because the general's sitting in his seat at the ballgame. Yes. Well, now I know you're anxious to see what happens next in Walt Disney's story, The Sword and the Road. Oh, yes, I am. All right, let's turn over the page and go past little iodine and past Prince Vell on page three. Turn over page three. And here we are on page four with The Sword and the Road. Yes, and you remember the child's bandon who is handsome and brave and daring has been made a captain of the Guards at King Henry's Court. Yes, this is back in the early days of English history. And it was because the king's sister Mary liked child's bandon that the king made child's bandon captain of the Guards. Yes, I think Princess Mary is very fond of the child's bandon. So do I. I wonder what will happen next. Well, let's read and find out. Here we go with The Sword and the Road. It's Mary, Mary, England when knighthood was in flower. Music to be with child's story hour. It's a beautiful day. And King Henry and a group of his nobles and guardsmen have gone into the green countryside to hunt. In the sky overhead, birds are flying. The King Henry had given his men orders to practice archery. He shouts. Now we'll see who has been obeying my edict to practice archery. Ready, your bows? The nobles take aim at the flying bird. They fire, but not a bird is struck. The king shouts. Hi, you bunglers. Oh, Master Brandon there. See if you can do any better. Yes, sir, with your leave, Sire. Brandon takes careful aim. And the bird falls to the ground. Last picture, top row. Boldly shot, Brandon. All right, you bunglers. Try again. See if you can do as well as Master Brandon here. First picture, bottom row. A short distance away as a rustling in the bushes. It's the king's sister, Mary, who is watching the archery contest with eyes only for Charles Brandon. Mary thinks to herself. It seems that Master Brandon does everything well, except to pay any attention to me. A little later, as the king's party returns to the castle, Brandon, who is bringing up the rear, hears the furious drumming of hooks behind him. And then a second later, the horse with his rider gallops past. Why is the princess? And her horse is voting. Quickly, Brandon takes out after the runaway. Yes, after everybody had missed, he takes aim and bang. The bird drops. That should show the king who's been practicing archery. Yes, Charles brings us on that runaway horse. That's the interest. Yes, it is. I wonder if he'll catch up to her in the savory. Well, we'll find that out next week. But now let's go across the page, turn over page five, across over, past page six. And here on page seven is Roy Rogers. Yes, and you remember kind of a man named Mike Coe. Yes, and just as Mike Coe was going to confess everything to Roy, two crooks named Hammond Smiley rolled the tiger cage down the hill onto Mike's tent, hoping the tiger would kill Roy and Mike Coe. And it did kill Mike Coe, and last week it was just going to leap at Roy, and Roy's eyes were blinded with smoke so he couldn't see the shoot. I wonder what'll happen. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Roy Rogers, king of the cowboys. Ah, yippie-yo! Now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Ah, yippie-yo! The carnival fire spreads rapidly. Roy's eyes are blinded from the smoke. And then the tiger roars and leaps. Quickly, Roy pulls his six gun and fires at the sound of the tiger. The tiger falls to the ground in front of Roy. Yes. Dangerfield, the owner of the carnival, explains third picture top row. Excellent shooting, Roy. Now men, extinguish that fire before it spreads. J. Lucien Dangerfield's colossal spectacle must not be destroyed. Last picture top row. Roy is washing his smoke-stained eyes. Well, thanks for the water, Wildwood. Wrecking Mike Coe is dead under the tent. He didn't get a chance to name his accomplices and that railroad payroll robbery. First picture bottom row, Jimmy. One of the boys at the carnival tells Roy. Hey, Roy, I saw two strange riders are sneaking off the county grounds just before the fire started. Okay, Jimmy. They might have had something to do with the tiger wagon rolling into Mike's tent. Wildwood, I want to visit the railroad camp where the robbery occurred. I got a hunch. Later, at the railroad construction camp, third picture bottom row, the two crooks, Ham and Smiley, are reporting to their boss. Yeah, Smiley and me took care of Mike Coe before he told Rogers anything, boys. Well, good work, Ham. All right, let's go to my shack where we can talk. Last picture, Ham says. Hey, hold it. Here comes that meddling cowboy, Roy Rogers, now. Maybe he knows more than you figure. Keep back. I'll handle him. Yes, he shot in the direction of the tiger's roar, and one of his shots made a lucky hit. We'll find out next week. Now let's turn over the page. And here on the last page of the first section is Flash Gordon, who was just landed on a new planet called Titan. And everything... And remember that we saw the hand of a giant reach out and pick up the match book that might have dropped last week? Yeah. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Flash Gordon. Trigger, doon, doon, saskimatage. Let's have music for heroic flage. Flash and his party move cautiously through the tall grass, not knowing what to expect. Flash sees Midas, who was leading the party, stop and make an excited gesture. Hey, there's Midas up ahead. He's excited as if he's found something. Come on. A minute later, they're in front of a cave. Last picture, top row. Midas points to the ground. Hey, look over here. Big clay pots. Remains of a barn for huge bones and a sword. Flash says. Hey, this isn't the end. Hey, this isn't a sword, Midas. It's a knife, a tremendous knife. Hey, what's that? First picture, bottom row, the pilot chouts. Hey, it's Smith, our engineer. He was standing near that undergrowth a moment ago. Yeah, and look, something's dragging him away through the bushes. There he is, lying by that rock. Hey, Smith, Smith, you all right? What happened? What was it? I don't know. It was big, big hands. Well, whatever it was, it's probably far away by now, Flash. And behind them, the head of a giant peers over the rock at the three of them. This giant here. Yes, why, just his head seems to be as big as a whole man. Yes, he looks as if he could reach over and crush all three of them with one blow. And they don't know that the danger is there behind them. I wonder what'll happen. Well, we'll find that out next week. But now it's time to pick up the first page of the second section. And I'll read that funny, funny Dagwood in just a moment. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly and on the first page of the second section, Dagwood and Blondie. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. The bumpsters are painting their house. The smell of paint is so strong that the Woodleys, our neighbors have invited the bumpsters to spend the night at their house. So last picture, top row, Blondie settles into bed in the Woodley house saying, I'm the Woodley's sweet to let us sleep over here while our house is being painted. Yeah, but I'm getting hungry. 15 minutes later, Herb Woodley hears Dagwood in the kitchen. And by the time you can go, Herb is in the kitchen too. He sees that Dagwood has made one of his famous sandwiches. And what on earth is that? One of my special sandwiches. Want me to make you one too? Yeah, so Dagwood lays out several slices of bread, slaps on some butter, peanut butter, sardines, jelly, cheese, onion, and pickle lily. And last picture, second row, Herb takes a bite of it. Well, how do you like it, Herb? Well, I've never tasted anything quite like it before. An hour later, Herb wakes up. Well, what's the matter, Herb? And then he gets a terrific pain. And then another one. A moment later, Dagwood is outside the door yelling, Herb, Herb, what's the matter? And then Herb is dashing down the stairs after Dagwood, down the hall they go, through the living room, through the dining room, out the door. You try to poison me? Herb makes a leap and tackles Dagwood. And last picture, third row, Herb is sitting on Dagwood throttling him. Come on now, what was in that sandwich? Honest, Herb. It was just ugly and peanut butter and sardines and jelly and cheese and pickle lily. The thought of it makes me sick again. I got to get back to bed again. And Herb gets up and walks to the door. First picture bottom row, he exclaims. Fine thing. Now our wives are disgusted with us and locked us out. Dagwood gets to his feet. Hey, you're lucky you live right next door to me, Herb. We can sleep in our house. Well, what about that smell of new paint? It won't bother us, Herb. We're pals. And last picture, Dagwood and Herb are in bed together with clothespins over their noses to shut out the smell of paint. And Herb growls. A billion people in the world, can I have you as a dauber? Sure, thanks, Herb. They certainly look funny with their clothespins over their noses. Yes, and I don't see how they don't get much sleep that way. Neither do I. Well, now let's turn over the page and see what we find. All right. And we'll read your favorite, favorite right now. Here we go with Donald Duck. Say the magic words with me. Squeeze them, squeeze them, squeeze them, take a check. Let's sell music to be a quack, quack. Donald and his girlfriend Daisy are going out on a date, and Daisy is saying to Donald. Lose that temper once more, and we're done. Yes, Daisy, darling. A few minutes later, they're in Donald's car buzzing down the road. This is our last death, Daisy, darling. Donald sees a red light, and he comes to a stop. The car behind him slams on its brakes, and rolls right into Donald. Donald calls back to the driver behind him. Sorry, sir. I shouldn't have stopped just for a red light. Half hour later, Donald and Daisy are in a fashionable restaurant. The waiter spills hot soup all over Donald's head. Oops, uh, my fault. Oh, thank nothing of it, waiter. Anybody can spill a bowl of soup. Short time later, Donald and Daisy are walking down the street. A man is eating a banana. He tosses the peel to the street. Donald steps on it. His feet slip out from under him. There must be a banana tree around here. A short time later, first picture bottom row, Donald is standing in line at the theater box office. A man ahead of him steps back on Donald's foot. Donald taps him on the back. Pardon me, sir. My foot seems to have slipped under your... Two hours later, third picture bottom row, Daisy is saying good night to Donald. Good night, Donald. You did beautifully. No effort at all, my dear. Good night, Daisy. Half hour later, Donald's car comes to a stop 10 miles out of town. Donald jumps out of the car, stands on the edge of a cliff, and he shouts at the moon. I hate people who are stupid drivers. I hate people who are stupid waiters. I hate people who throw away banana peels. I hate people. And then he takes his girlfriend, Daisy, home. Then here he is. Oh, that Donald, he's some fellow. Well, now I'm sure you'd like to know what's happening with Dick's adventure. Oh, yes, I would. All right, then let's turn to the very last page of the comic weekly. And here he is. Yes, and you... Well, with his friend Robert Fulton, who's just invented the first steamboat. That's right. The people said that it wouldn't work. So Robert Fulton has challenged the fastest sailing vessel to race his steamboat. But that's to prove his steamboat is faster than a sailing ship. That's right. I wonder who's going to win. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Dick's adventures. Say the magic words with me. Bring it back, exact as it. Let's have music for adventure to stick. 1807. On the river, the race between the sailing vessel and the first steamboat is underway. Last picture top row, Robert Fulton says, Dick, you don't realize what this means to me. We lose this race against the sail yacht. All America will say steamboat's our failure. But I'm sure you won't lose, sir. Yet Dick seems to be wrong. First picture second row, with all the sail set and a favoring wind, the sailing yacht breezes ahead. The whole crew jeering at Fulton. And then it disappears swiftly around the bend in the river. Fulton shakes his head. Oh, we're beaten, Dick, beaten. It's useless to build up the fire. The best we can do is four miles an hour. The sailing yacht is doing twice that. Well, we'll wash up and get back to our guests. But at nightfall, the wind dies. And as Fulton's boat comes around the bend in the river, Dick looks ahead and he sees the sailing yacht standing still in the moonlight, her sails hanging limp. Dick shouts, we're winning, sir. The sailboats have lost their race forever. Fulton shoots Dick a look of astonishment. Why, how do you know, Dick? And Dick only repeats, they're beaten forever, sir, forever. First picture, bottom row, as crowds cheer wildly. Robert Fulton's Clermont pups and churns proudly into New York Harbor. A river monster, as the people called it, wins its race. And Dick is shouting, yes, sir, from now on, there's only going to be steamboats. I know it. I know it. Last picture, Dick looks around, then sees he's in his own room, in his own home, in the world of today. It's not 1807 anymore. Oh, gosh, I must have been dreaming again. It was the best because you could depend on it to keep going. Yes, while the sailing vessels could only keep going if there was a wind to carry them along. And when there was no wind, they would just sit there in the middle of the wall. No, you can't get any place that way. Well, now let's look underneath Dick's adventures. There's Rusty Riley. Oh, yes. And you remember the last week Rusty and Tex were getting ready to start back from milestone farm with Silver Lad? That's that wonderful racehorse that Mr. Miles has just bought. Yes, but a man named Velvet Kane doesn't want Silver Lad to get to the milestone farm because he doesn't want Mr. Miles to raise horses that'll be better than his. Yes, and he wants his men to see to it that Tex and Rusty do not bring Silver Lad to the milestone farm. This could be dangerous. Yes. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Rusty Riley. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. It's early in the morning. And Rusty and Tex have loaded Silver Lad and the other horse in the truck. Can I start out for home again? Oh, golly, Tex, it sure makes me feel good to be starting back to milestone farm again. Well, it's where you belong, Rusty. And Mr. Miles and Patty will be right tickled to have you banged. Third picture top row, Velvet Kane is giving final instructions to his men, Scrub and Porky. He points to a map. All right, now that's the setup. The spot is right in the mountains. You follow instructions, you shouldn't have any slip up. And use the old jalopy. My big car is too well-known. A few hours later, second picture bottom row. In the mountains, Scrub and Porky bring their car to a stop. Scrub says, All right, this is the fork that Val marked. We'll watch from here and put the sign up when we see him coming. Boy, you can sure see the road for a long way, Mere. That night about dusk, Rusty and Tex in the truck approach the fork in the road. Tex wints ahead and says, Hey, looks like some kind of shine up ahead. Just out of the headlight beams so I can't see it. Oh, pardon, see what it says, Rusty. Rusty hops out and then calls back. Hey, Jeepers Tex, it's a detour sign. We have to take the dirt road. Rusty gets back in the truck and slowly, the big truck turns off the main road onto a narrow dirt road. The road winds in between some trees. It's very narrow and the going is awfully slow. Gee, Willikens, this road gets worse and worse. Yeah, right, Rusty. And we got to keep going. It's too narrow to turn around. They turned off onto the old road and they have no way to get off it. They'll have to keep going on straight ahead. And scrubs or something just to capture Rusty and Tex. I wouldn't be surprised. Oh, I wouldn't have to. Well, that's something we'll have to wait until next week to find out. But now that's all the time I have. But before I go, here's that nice fella with some more interesting information. Boys and girls, I've got to go now. All right, Sweet. Okay, that's a date. And a date with all you boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend Ms. Honey next week when I read Pucked the Comic Weekly. For I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man. I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honeys. Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend, the Comic Weekly Man, the jolly Comic Weekly Man.