 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, when a man pulls away, don't lean back, do this instead. Do this instead, please do this instead. Okay, don't lean back, do this instead. All right, really quickly, if you've been interested, if after this video you go, gosh, this guy resonates with me and you're interested in maybe a one-on-one coaching session with me, click the link below to schedule a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. Okay, when a man pulls away, don't lean back, do this instead. Okay, so I know many of you who listen to other dating coaches hear this phrase, feminine energy leaning back when a man pulls away. So let's unpack this for a little bit because what causes a man to pull away? Well, most of the time it has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with you. Most of the time when a man pulls, not all the time, most of the time. Most of the time there is probably some sort of chaos going on in his life or there's a doubt that he has about the relationship. That probably was there at the beginning of the relationship. I've come to witness that the vast majority of men who enter into relationships these days operate from a place of uncertainty because these days we are meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. What means is we don't know each other very well. We don't feel safe with each other. There's not very many routes to trust that have been built in the early stages. So our propensity is almost to start with doubt because that doubt is rooted in most likely a past trauma or a past experience that didn't go very well. So as I started this conversation, maybe there's a chaos going on in his life or there's maybe doubt going on in the relationship but that doubt isn't necessarily about you. It's the doubt that he has within himself. So when a man pulls away, now let's differentiate. If you've been in a relationship with someone for eight months and they absolutely ghost you, there's probably a significant thing that happened that triggered him to pull away. And what may have happened, I'm using this example, something might have happened from you but it triggered him, then this trigger was a previous wound that had nothing to do with you, okay? Or maybe he's got chaos going on in his life and he just doesn't feel the capacity to fully commit into a relationship. This is one of the reasons why as a dating relationship coach, when I work privately with a client, when I'm working one-on-one with a client over the phone, I teach ways to vet men to find out how chaos will affect them in their life. And I've created even a 70 page workbook for my clients called Improve Your Guy Picking System so you can vet better so you're not choosing these men who are either in chaos or in doubt, okay? But that's most likely what's happening. Now you've been told pull, okay, he pulls back, right? Now, when he pulls back, it probably triggers you into some sort of anxiety because he's pulled away, right? So then you've been told, well, you should do the same thing. Leaning back is doing the same to him. Now, let me be clear, you never wanna chase someone who's pulled away. When someone's pulled away, you've gotta let them figure out this stuff on their own. There's no way to bring someone back in. You can't reel them in if they don't want, if they're not in a capacity to get there. So what I said is I want you to do something different than leaning back. I want you to start doing the following. Put your hand on your heart first off. Just do that for me right now. Just put your hand on your heart. I want you to lean into you. I want you to lean into your sovereignty. I want you to lean into your self-worth. I want you to lean into your self-reliance. I want you to lean into your self-confidence. I want you to lean into your self-discipline. Leaning in to oneself is a much healthier approach than leaning back because the leaning back advice is give the man space for him to come to you. Well, here's the thing. Your job is just to stand on the 50 yard line. If he's gone away, you work on yourself on the 50 yard line. You don't have to go over here and pull away from him because that's both people pulling away from one another which is a dysfunctional way to approach a relationship. I'm here to suggest you lean in. And one of the ways you can lean in is by loving yourself. And if you're not familiar with my book What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway? Written by Jonathan Asley. That's me, that's me. In fact, if you've bought my book, please write a review. Post a comment below and let me know you've ordered my book. But why you want to start leaning in is start leaning into your sovereignty. Lean into your self-love. Lean into your education about relationships. And this is why you have to check out the book, Eight Dates by Dr. John Gottman. You gotta get this book. Lean into this book. Cover this book when a guy pulls away so you can understand the mechanics of a healthy, happy relationship. Because if he comes back, you're gonna say, read this book. You're gonna tell him to read this book. If he wants his penis in your vagina, he's gotta read this book. Don't let him back when he, and by the way, most men come back when they pull away. It's called the rubber band effect. John Gott, or excuse me, John Gray talked about that and men are from Mars and women are from Venus. But you've gotta step into your power. Well, you don't have to do anything. That's my invitation for you. Is step into your sovereignty. Step into your self-love. Step into your power. Step into learning more about yourself. Because why he pulls away is on him. What you do is most important for your journey. And sadly, I see so many women trying to text their ex back and bring a guy back because we had so much amazing chemistry. It was just off the charts, chemistry. And I don't know why he pulled away. Well, maybe he's fucked up in his life and he should be pulling away. You might be attached to the wrong person because you bonded through most likely oxytocin and not because you vetted for a really good, healthy partner in your life. That's why you should hire me as a coach. Check out the link below. Discovery called. Because I'm here to help you learn how to vet better. Because when you vet better, you don't choose men who are gonna pull away because you've chosen men who are already ready to step into their love commitment. Those men who are ready to step into that intentionality, that purpose, that directionality of relationship. And that's what I'm here to help you with is how to find men who are directional, that are intentional and they know what they want. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going because you know me, I can't stand the leaning back. I want you to lean into yourself. Will you do that for me? Will you lean into yourself? Please post a comment. Let me know you're leaning into yourself. All right, I'm gonna wrap up today's videos. I always do first off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Bye-bye now.