 For those of you who don't know who Brene Brown is, she is this amazing researcher and I just found out about her and she actually specializes in a bunch of studies surrounding vulnerability as well as the topic of shame and I recently picked up one of her newer books called Daring Greatly and I just kind of had an aha moment and with a lot of the stuff that's been going on and especially since my video with Dr. Todd Grande went up I remember him saying this. So just one last note that flexible thinking is our friend. So I wanted to use some flexible thinking and talk about how I was wrong. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do is talk mental health topics. So if you're into that make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. Sorry I'm still working on kind of like a newish intro but bear with me just a little bit all right. But yeah um this is interesting. I have a bunch of video ideas kind of mapped out but I've always been the type of person where if something just kind of inspires me I'm like you know what sit down put it out on camera if you think it might be able to help some people and yeah some people are going to think like oh Chris is trying to repair his image and this and this and this and that's cool because like I mentioned in my comeback video I am just laser focused on helping all of you who want to get help and if you're open to the idea of getting help or if you're open to what Todd Grande talked about Dr. Todd Grande rather about having flexible thinking and that's something that's really helped me out over the years is getting rid of old ideas like a lot of us hold on to our old ideas from my experience my experience a lot of us tend to hold on to these old ideas with this like kung fu grip and we refuse to let go of them like these beliefs that we have and I have a lot of videos coming up about this right and it wasn't until I let go of some of my old beliefs that I actually was able to get sober and stay sober for all these years and part of it is knowing where I was wrong right so anyways again Bernay Brown she is a researcher she talks about vulnerability and shame some of you might have seen her viral TED talk you know and uh yeah I'm reading this book called daring greatly I picked up the book because I'm like yeah this is cool like it's gonna teach me how to like be brave and all this other stuff you know especially with what's um been going on around me and and things like that and and yeah like there's so many topics in there that I didn't even expect to pop up but it's a phenomenal book if you want to check it out I'll link it down in the description below I'm only maybe about a quarter of the way through the book I've been just like been sitting around playing video games listening to audiobooks or even got like a coloring book and I'll listen to audiobooks and stuff like that but but yeah like there's just topics about vulnerability the most recent part I'm on is talking about shame between men and women so anyways Bernay Brown kind of breaks down the difference between guilt and shame and I think that's really important right because I remember I was just uh uh talking to my beautiful girlfriend Tristan about this the other day um guilt and shame are often like used together like uh at least in my experience um being a recovering drug addict and alcoholic I experienced a lot of guilt and shame when I talked to other people in recovery they talk a lot about guilt and shame and I had a therapist kind of interject one time when I was uh doing a group and just asked everybody like do you know the difference between guilt and shame and a lot of people don't so what she uh what this therapist was talking about was the same thing that Bernay was talking about is is guilt is kind of something that we do that changes the perception of others about us right like for example being guilty if I go rob a store right I'm guilty right this is you know the feedback that I'm getting I am guilty of this shame is more about the perception of ourselves and you know there's some there's some debates around whether or not these two things coexist like they're two different things but you know one thing that I was you know I look at with my uh you know addiction was I did something like you know I would steal or lie or cheat or whatever now I would feel guilty right I was guilty of that but then also then the shame like what have I done right who am I I'm not a good person all those other things right but anyways the topic I want to jump into was this topic around shame and I know there's been a lot of public talks about public shaming and things like that and anyways this this portion I'm on in Bernay's book is talking about the shaming of other people and you know I love me some analogies if you've been around for a while you know I love me some analogies and she was talking about you know maybe like a mother or a father you know in the grocery store and the the kid is just throwing a fit right and those looks that they they get right like people looking at them you know one of the things that Bernay Brown talks about is like one of the one of the things that mothers typically you know experience feelings of shame about is are they a good mother or not so imagine like you know a parent and some of your parents out there you've had this your kids acting up in public and those looks you get like those looks like come on like take care of your your son or your daughter you know all those things you feel feelings of shame and Bernay was talking about that like rather than giving them that look like remember like you know this is something that we're all in together and we all experience similar things you know instead like give them a look like yo I've been there and that's something I really try to do because you know my son's 10 now and he doesn't act a fool in public anymore but he used to he used to and like now when I see like you know kids crying in public and things like that you know I try to do that like just kind of like a little like look of encouragement you know or I smile at the kid like kids are just kids that's just what kids do you know what I mean but there's also this kind of idea like when we're projecting that kind of shaming onto other people you know it makes us a lot more insecure about ourselves because we're judging so many other people which then turns it into us judging ourselves and anyways it got me thinking when she made that analogy I'm like oh my god like it it makes a lot more sense now like so although I'm not making videos about youtubers for a long long long time until I kind of figure out a better way of going about it I can see how wrong it was to do what I was right and in a little bit I'm going to ask you to do some flexible thinking as well because this is a topic that I've been talking about with you know some other people some other creators trying to figure out the best way to do this right but anyways although my videos have not been specifically always about the youtuber I try to use them as a jumping off point to pivot and say okay if you can relate to this maybe these are some things you could do right but anyways I was pulling in these drama topics and these youtubers they're already getting dozens of videos made about them dozens right which is contributing then to their shame so although my goal was to help the audience by using youtubers in the title and kind of like to give context it was contributing to the shame of these youtubers and that was wrong like that was wrong I'm like you know I made an apology video but again I'm sorry for that um you know my my intention was never there but you know with my channel blowing up in the way it did a lot of these youtubers did end up seeing that and and yeah like this this whole situation that I'm going through like you know um it's made me a lot more empathetic like now that the tables have turned it's made me a whole lot more empathetic towards creators and something that brené brown talks about with um you know vulnerability shame and all those other things like youtubers youtubers are really putting themselves out there and not everybody is doing that you know um there's a lot of comments and everything like that that we kind of sift through but you know it's only a select few even though there's thousands if not millions of youtubers it's only a select group of people who are willing to get vulnerable on on camera and if any youtubers are watching this like I commend you because that's something brené brown was talking about I'm like you know what you're right you know what I mean and that's kind of what the title daring greatly is about so I do respect that about all creators all creators at all and not even just all creators all of you as well if you've ever put yourself out there like that's huge that's courageous that's you know getting vulnerable like brené brown talks about her TED talk that went vulnerable and how much anxiety she got around it and everything like that because she was getting on stage and just putting herself out there so all creators you know need you know they need a little bit of just you know a little bit of applause just for doing that so yeah so now now that I'm realizing that I was contributing to that shame even though it wasn't my intention necessarily you know in some cases that's definitely arguable but but here's here's where the flexible thinking is coming in here's something um Dr. Todd grande and I talked about in the video I just posted something else I've been talking about I've been interviewed by a few people some stuff's coming up um but yeah so we we have this responsibility as creators right and it's it's to put put things out there into the world knowing that we have this influence and that's something that's been kind of bugging me too look reflecting on everything that's been happening is was I putting the best version of myself out here on camera and that answers no obviously um but you know I've been called out on a lot of things and many of them are fair criticisms some of them are just you know those of you who read my medium article you know about that but you know do I deserve to be called out on those things absolutely absolutely you know and that's kind of where this moral debate comes in when youtubers are exhibiting certain behaviors publicly and it can possibly influence people you know like where where is the point where that type of behavior needs to be called out because at the end of the day who the hell am I I'm some dude sitting in my apartment making videos right who the hell am I am I like the youtube police like like hey that's bad behavior do not model that behavior and even the sound of like a a life uh a lifeguard whistle no police officers use that or do they if they do let me know but anyway it's like who is policing that who is doing that is it is it up to us you know because like obviously you know I'm a father so when my son watches things I'll talk to him about is this good or bad behavior should we model this da da da da right like I I talked to him about those things but is it my responsibility is it my responsibility to put that out on youtube like something that you know whenever I plan on getting back to discussing youtubers and trying to figure out how to do that one thing that I'm gonna do is reach out to youtubers now that I know that they actually see my videos and stuff you know I'm gonna reach out to them say hey you know but on the other hand too like one thing that I've made plenty of videos on is enabling you know what I mean like is it our responsibility to call out bad behavior in fear of enabling bad behavior you know and I just want to kind of get your wheels turning on this this is in no way meant to justify anything I've done but this is a conversation I'm having with a lot of other people and I want you to kind of be a part of this conversation because although I've you know put myself in a tricky situation I think it's something that needs to be discussed right like there are you know commentary channels and you know even drama channels who talk about these things and they're calling out bad behavior but then there's also the shaming portion of it now John Oliver actually just did a great episode of this on last week tonight and you can kind of see you can kind of see that he and his writing team don't even have the answers to this topic right like he talks about how certain things need to be called out you know but but at what point although for what it is worth we do think probably more carefully than you might imagine about who we're making fun of why we're doing it and how we ask ourselves questions all the time like should we use their name how much power do they have and I'm not saying that we're perfect at all you might disagree with choices that we've made but we have honestly thought about it and sometimes the decision does get difficult and especially when you figure that every youtuber isn't talking to each other like 10 videos might go up on the same subject thus creating more of this kind of shaming but they they all didn't know that they were creating this you know so I don't know it's just an interesting topic that I've just really been bouncing off you know within my my own introspection as well as with other creators and you know professionals and things like that so I want to hear from all of you down in the comments like although it does contribute to shaming you know of people who are getting vulnerable and putting themselves on camera where is our responsibility as creators or even viewers to call out certain behaviors that might be influencing certain people so anyways anyways again to wrap it back you know to my own growth process and stuff and you know I was thinking about it like some people in my circle are probably going to hate the fact that I make this video and the way I kind of thought about it was like man I don't really have anything to lose and I do want to make videos like this whenever I kind of get these uh-huh moments and growing moments and things like that I do want to capture them because I know a lot of you out there are looking to develop you know your own life and improve and things like that and part of what you know my goal has always been is if I've experienced something and learned from it I do want to share it with all of you right and this is something I you know Brene Brown definitely taught me just now reading her book it's an excellent book by the way I think I already said that but anyways anyways I hope you are all having an excellent week so far I still owe you some afterlife videos so this video is up in the morning afterlife video coming up tonight there's some good topics I want to jump into it so you all know I am going back to two videos a day I know some of you you know there's debate around is that too much is that too little this is my job I'm working a full eight nine hours I am still taking breaks and playing a lot of apex season one battle pass today so don't don't worry I am taking care of my mental health and all that stuff but anyways I do hope that you all get kind of involved in this conversation and we can kind of you know find the best way to do this thing together all right anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell and a huge huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon you're all amazing and if you would like to help support the channel you can click or tap right there all right thanks so much for watching I'll see you next time