 childhood, my mom and dad, you know what I mean, kind of similar from Birmingham, Alabama. So, you know what I mean, they was split split up, my dad's prior army, you know what I mean. So kind of going through those issues type of deal. His dad was army. So, you know what I mean, he was always drinking and stuff like that all the time because so I think today's time we know about PTSD and all that type of stuff. But back then it wasn't really talked about. So my dad kind of grew up in like a little toxic household, you know what I mean, my grandma and dad, you know, and his dad, whatever used to, you know, go at it a lot and stuff. So I think he brought that into his new marriage and then that caused them to split. My mom remarried. So my mom was a single mom of three kids at a time. So, you know what I mean, back then it was, you know, single moms, it wasn't like a big issue for a man to marry him like how it is now. My stepdad came into my life. That was kind of a big turning point because, you know what I mean, we was going through a lot. You know, we was poor, our house falling in on this type of deal and you know what I mean, my stepdad came. He came when I was around four, you know, and it was married for 26 years before he passed. He passed two years ago. And I felt like, it kind of felt like my dad died. So I always wanted to get married, you know what I mean. So I already had that married mindset because I see my mom and my stepdad, it was married since I was four. So, you know what I mean, by that time when I got out of the house, I was 14 years, they was in. You know, so I got married early, you know what I mean, soon. It was somebody I grew up with, you know, we knew a family and stuff. So you know what I mean, I was just like, hey, all right, you know, it's like the movies. You know what I'm saying, you got that movie thing going, you know. What I didn't know in taking consideration was her dad was locked up. You know, her dad was locked up the whole life. You know, so she didn't have that father figure in like I had in the house. She had some good qualities. Like I knew like, hey, she was there for me when I was kind of going through some stuff, whatever. You know what I mean? She was always trying to be there or whatever. But she didn't have the full scope. She didn't know the importance of a man being in a household. And I didn't know at that time, nobody ever explained it. And really we actually are starting to have these type of conversations now. It was bad, man. Honestly, it was, you know, I knew she wasn't ready. I joined the military at that time, whatever. So, you know what I mean? You know, when you go to the military, you know, you got, you trying to bring your girl and make sure that she was okay, whatever. But, but yeah, I knew she wasn't ready. But I was just like, ah, man, maybe she'll get it. You know what I mean? As she get older, you know what I mean? So you're trying to, I should have just stuck to my guns, whatever. But I didn't. I should have put my foot down a little bit more. I should have, you know what I mean? But you know, us growing up, you know, our mom's trying to teach us be so sweet, be so nice. And, you know what I mean? Give her what she wants and all that stuff. Happy wife, happy life type of deal. And I found out real early, you know, saying that, hey, yeah, don't work. You know what I mean? So, I got heavy in the church at the time, you know what I mean? Trying to get her in there with me, whatever, you know what I mean? Gave my life up to Christ, all that type of stuff, whatever. You know what I mean? And instead of her kind of holding strong to that, whatever, being happy for me that same, same days, she had an argument. Same right out the church with over some stupid and it got to the point. Um, she was leaving, you know what I mean? We'll be trying to, I'm trying to work on a ratio, whatever she be gone. We had a son at this time too, because she was telling me like, hey, the reason why she wasn't happy because we have a kid. So we had a kid to care about. So now she taking the kid away from me, leaving, you know what I mean? Because she want to break up and all this type of stuff, whatever. Then she'll come back and say, I'm sorry. And then she'll do it again. Come back, come back, come back, came back from Afghanistan. Found out that she was pregnant again. So I found out that that child wasn't mine. I found out that she spent all the money and stuff like that, whatever. You know what I'm saying? So I was like a little E3, you know what I'm saying? I wasn't making a lot of money or whatever, but she spent like 30,000 to deploy money. When I came back, I found out my son was in a car seat. I mean, he was in a car wreck without his car seat. He had scars on his head. She had drugs around the wheel and stuff like that, whatever. You know, back at this time, this was like probably 12 years, no, like, like 10 years ago, 10, 11 years ago, whatever. So, you know what I mean? We wasn't looked at how it is now, you know, especially in the court system. So, you know what I mean? I went, I fought for full custody, whatever. You know what I mean? I won. She didn't show up. You know, later on, she tried to kind of get back with me. But this is when I was with my current wife now, whatever. So maybe it was just trying to split that up. It might not be in 100 percent, you know what I mean? But, you know what I mean? I told her like, hey, I did what I can do, whatever. I made sure I held my covenant with the most high. And, you know what I mean? And I had to make sure I was there. So, well, I used to be a dancer, dance choreographer. I used to model in the industry. So I was around a lot of industry folks, which is, you know, could be a little challenging. But it was fun. I learned a lot doing that. But, you know, that wasn't for me to do like long term, because in the industry requires you to kind of be a certain way. And the only way I'm going to be is myself. I didn't like that I had to kind of alter who I was around certain clicks because there was clicks in the industry. But it was great experience. People that I've met, I still see on TV today. So I never want to regret that. It was a great, great experience. So that's kind of what led me to my husband, because my whole goal of life is to be married and have that family, you know, structure and to grow old with someone. So I kind of let the industry go and got with my husband now. So I kind of knew her already, whatever. So when I was married, I kind of seen her about whatever. We wasn't like real, real close, whatever. But like, it was like an orange reach, you know what I'm saying? Like, I met her at a party. I knew she was dating somebody and the guy was doing the dirty. And I was like, that's kind of messed up, man. But, you know, I mean, me being a being a guy, whatever, I was just trying to tell the guy, like, hey, man, just don't do right about, you know what I'm saying? Like she's trying to be there. She's trying to do right. Whatever. Yeah, my current life. Yeah. And I was like, hey, do do right. You know what I'm saying? And you're good, you know what I mean? Because I'm coming out of divorce. So I was like, if I had that same woman with that same mindset, my marriage would have still been going right now. Me and her actually, you know what I mean? We started going to like the church together and stuff like that, whatever. Because we just, we was associates. We went like best best friends, whatever. So we're going to church and stuff like that, whatever. And you know what I mean? We started talking more and stuff like that kind of. And then I'm telling her, I was telling her like, hey, I'm going to different communities to explore my options. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm telling her. Yeah, it was like 11, 12 years ago. All the time I passed for it, bro, stuff. But she was like, nah, you can find you, you know what I mean? And so, you know what I'm saying? But you know what I'm saying? But I was just kind of like through with it, whatever. Because you know what I mean? Growing up in the South, you know what I mean? I, you know, date those women then kind of, you know, that's all I dated, whatever. So I was just like, maybe it's just the women I'm dating, you know what I mean? She told her, tell me what kind of man she wanted. And I started telling her what kind of woman I wanted. And then she was like, yeah, that's just like me. And I was like, oh, so I quickly changed the subject, whatever, because I'm the type of person if you're seeing somebody else or you with somebody else, I don't want no parts of you, whatever, because I want to make sure I'm respectful. And I don't want nobody to say like, hey, you took her away from me, you did this, you did this. She was like, man, I need a man like you in my life. And which was shocking to me. I was like, I never heard that. You know what I'm saying? So I was like, wow. So I got married at 25 and that was my goal. So when I was about 18, I was like, okay, I think, I think 25 is a good age because I learned a lot through my own mistakes, you know, I'm learning myself. And 25, I'm done with school, even though I wasn't done with school, but thinking I'm gonna be done with school, okay, cool, I have time, but I actually got married at 25, which is the weirdest thing. You know, I met my husband when I was 19, but we were just like associates. We weren't nowhere in the space to settle down, but we came cross paths again when I was 22. And at that time, we were looking into getting like very serious, but there were some things in the way. So it prolonged it to 25. 25 was a great age, but it doesn't matter about the age. It's like, who are you going to marry? Because that could either make your life better or it could just ruin it. So I was just happy I found the right person. And that took a while. You know, you're in this world and you're like, damn, who is gonna be the one that I wanna be with? Who's gonna be the one that's gonna give me the long lasting of happiness? Well, help, you know, create the happiness. So it was nice. It was nice. And, you know, we've been married for some time now. So I'm just happy that I found the right person. I don't even think about all the other stuff. It's who I'm with. I would say, man, what helped me get through it was, you know what I mean? Faith in the most high and just remain in calm, man. Knowing that things will get better. You know what I'm saying? I was at my lowest, man. I was in Afghanistan, come back from deployment, you know what I mean? Probably risk losing my life there. You know what I mean? Base game attack, you know, all type of stuff whatever, trying to fight. And my shrimp was my wife and my kid at that time. You know what I mean? And to come back to seeing that. I even had surgery when I was out there. You know what I mean? Got the fairy tale, got the daughter. We got a daughter and the son. And you know what I mean? I got my legacy now. You know what I mean? Everything complete. And to find out, you know, when I come get off the plane from coming back from there, nobody's there. You know what I mean? I'm there by myself. I'm a real big saver and I was real big in preparation of things, whatever. So from my boot camp, which was like two months, core school, another two months, and a little bit into my first duty station. It was like, I think like around like seven month period, whatever. I had like seven grand saved up because I knew I wanted to marry her. I had to get a car. I had to get a place to live. And I seen other buddies of mine that was in the military. They didn't have nothing. So they go into the pawn shop. They doing, you know what I mean? They just trying to scrap away whatever. You know what I'm saying? So I'm showing you at a young age, I'm 18 years old doing this, that I have the qualities, whatever, to make sure you're taking care of you, gonna be safe and for you not to respect me and follow my leadership, whatever. You know what I mean? I should have seen that at that red flag and be like, no, we can't, we, you're not ready. I noticed, hey, when I say, hey, we moving this way. And then she like, no, I'm moving this way. I seen a great divide, right? And then now once you this way, and I say, okay, all right, it's not no big deal. Let me come this way with you. All right, cool. You know what I'm saying? When that decision failed, now you said, well, you should have made a decision. You're the man. You know what I mean? So I'm like, well, I should have just gone ahead and did it this way. And then we would have been successful. And then now we wouldn't have had this issue. If I was a man. Oh gosh. I don't know. I think leadership is important, especially as a man. Like that's like a strong figure, not just mentally, but physically. So that leadership role is very important for the society because we just, we need leaders in order to kind of like succeed and like know which route to go. So I would want to be that figure where I can just help people. It's like when you put intelligence on a man, it's like endless. You guys are like, you could break down and dissect something this small and make it like so elaborate. Like it's like, how do y'all do that? Y'all got this superpower. So I admire how smart you guys are. I understand that you guys have more logic when you think. So logic versus emotion, I mean. If I can come back as a woman, man, I'll find the strongest, strongest man that I could at the time, whatever, that'll take care of me and make sure I'll take care of him. I have as many babies as he wants. Cause I want to be that grandmama. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? That I'm seeing, you know what I mean? A whole bunch of people in a room for me. You know, that came out of me. You know what I'm saying? I think that's powerful, whatever. A lot of the women have went away from that in this society whenever they just thinking like, hey, I got the bag, I got the bag, all right, cool. My wife like now, whatever, right? She kind of sat back in the background, whatever. She could have been out there, oh, I'm gonna get my money, blah, blah, blah, blah. But she been at home with the kids for almost six years now. She was going to school, you know what I'm saying? She finished her bachelor's, then she finished her master's. And I'm seeing what she's doing and I made a way for her, I paid for her master's. You know what I'm saying? It's cause now we in the building phase, so now once she wants the kids get a certain age, whatever, we ain't gotta worry about daycare and all that type of stuff no more. Now she go out there and get a six-figure job and now I got a six-figure job. Now we actually can do something. It's okay to get with the average guy or whatever you just gotta look at the principal. She knew that I wanted to be something. I knew coming out of Birmingham, I'm from a hood. Like, the houses cost 10,000 where I'm from. Brothers getting jumped all the time, you know what I mean? We fighting our way out and stuff, you know what I mean? Shun, you know what I'm saying? Got a lot of people I know that's dead right now. You know what I'm saying? But I knew I wanted to be something, so I left. You know what I mean? And she seen that in me. That's a deep question. So let me think here. So my family is mixed with... They're all black, but I have Caribbean side. I have people that's from the North. I got people that's from the South. So I'm a female, but that's not what's shaking. What's shaking me is my culture. And then the female part comes after that. And you don't learn that right away. Like you grow into becoming feminine. That's not something you just get when you're like four years old. But my culture was always there. I got that from baby up until now. I don't really like the black face, face too much, whatever, because we really never did that until we came to this country or whatever. So I kind of look into it deep. Like I'm looking to the tribes and, you know what I mean? That type of thing. So I would say more culture first and then what you are as a man, because that's what's tearing our communities down now. We don't have no culture. You know what I mean? So we put the culture at the forefront. Hey, this is our things we have to do. This is all the stuff that we need to get accomplished, whatever. Then now that man and female, because honestly, man and female don't matter in the culture, whatever. It matters. They know they do these, right? You know what I'm saying? It matters in that sense, whatever. Now they got Apple male, Beto male and just keep the red and the blue, And then now we just all find each other. You know what I'm saying? So got the Democrat Republican, you know what I mean? Like you got, it's so much different ways that they can divide you, whatever. Yeah, and now, but if you have a steady strong culture, they can't do nothing with you. Feminism hurt us because that's the thing. It's like women are trying to be ahead of a man. And it's not even about a head of the man. I think they just trying to take over women power. You know, we run the world. No, as a man being a protector, that level of protection has to be ahead. You can't, that's like if you were at a club, you know, you got the bouncers. The bouncers are there to protect you. So how are you gonna be over a person that's protecting you? It's been a net negative, honestly. It wasn't our fight. We kind of always been nicer to our women. You know what I mean? No matter where we been, you know what I mean? We always been, you know what I mean? Respect for our moms, our grandmommas and all that type of stuff, whatever. Even when the man was in the house, they changed it recently, whatever, that they was able to vote and they was able not to have to join the selective service and all that type of stuff, whatever. So you kind of like look at history, like how they try to frame everything. It's like women has always been oppressed and blah, blah, blah. They just been getting beat up and men was like sacrificing dying to take care of these women. You know what I'm saying? I seen my granddad, my grandmama never worked. I seen him, he worked for the same company for over 40 some years. He was at a factory and he took care of all his kids and all of them with one check. Traditional marriage can work. I don't, the times should have nothing to do with why someone is married and how they're married. Let's say the Lori Harvey situation. For her, I believe she was trying to keep up with, you know, her job. You know, she was on YouTube, not YouTube Instagram, showing, you know, her business and stuff like that. For her, I believe that she thought marriage was gonna like discredit her and not make her this sex symbol. It was gonna make her a wholesome, you know, wife and like people are not gonna follow me no more. I'm not gonna have the same type of followers and I'm not gonna be able to do what I really wanna do. She just wanted Michael B. Jordan for status because he's hot and popping, especially at that time. He was hot and popping, you know, and that looks good on my arm. I will say, because none of us are really traditional, traditional, like the old ancient tradition or whatever, but I will say like kind of like the, you know what I mean, each time I like the gender roles, type of deal, whatever. I think honestly, that's the best way possible. And you see it in Mexico, you see it in all these different countries, whatever, of how the government is, if the government is cricket or you know what I mean, all these different places that they go to, whatever. People are gonna wanna leave. The family trust, that's why when the old girl got killed down there, they had a female side law because it was so many women getting killed down in Mexico. They had to make a law to stop banning women getting killed. It's a whole gender war down there. A lot of people don't even much know about it. You know what I'm saying? So a lot of those women are getting killed or whatever because they're going away from the tradition, the cartel is taking over. Same thing, Birmingham. Birmingham was like one of the top five most dangerous cities in the nation. A lot of people don't really know about it, whatever. That's why I was like peace, I'm out. Cause I'm raising kids, I got four boys. You think I want them in the streets? So it was a one kid, bullet A grader, bullet in my son. I had to go talk to his parents. You know what I'm saying? That's what I supposed to be. But if you're in a decent neighborhood, it's gonna be somebody that appearing in that house to talk to. What if it ain't no parent in the house to talk to? What I miss most about being single is that I could just wake up and do whatever I want to do fully. So when you get into a marriage, you could still be yourself and do what you want to do. But there's a person watching you like, where are we going? What are we doing? Or, oh, why did you do that? And it's like you always got to answer to someone kind of thing. Not in a bad way. It's just that considering someone's feelings. So you don't want to just, oh, I'm going on a girl's trip and your man does not even know. Honestly, man, nothing. I guess because I have a different mindset because I seen marriage and I seen how important it was for us. You know what I mean? Even us going in the hood, whatever, we ain't been in jail. You know what I'm saying? I had a good structure environment would have even raised in the hood, whatever. You know what I mean? So it's single life to me was it's just a waste of time. Why would you want someone to be rude to you because of their ego? Like you want someone to be nice. You want someone to have like the best intention of themselves and you if you're gonna be with them. I hear women saying, oh, those nice guys are boring. Okay, boring people are committed most of the time because they're not into all of this extra negative things that they could be watching or watching people around them. They want someone that's gonna sit here and just curse them out because they did something that the person didn't like and they think that that's sexy. I always tell young girls when I talk to them at my current job right now, I think I save a couple of marriages and got like three, four women married. I give them advice, say, hey, go for the nerds, whatever, cause they're gonna treat you right. They get no love. They get no compassion from people, whatever. And then they're gonna be the ones that makes the most money. So if you're the one type of woman that wanna make me be provided for and be treated right, go for them. I'll show them, hey, you gotta lose your attitude. You know what I'm saying? I said it, I tell them, cause I'm gonna run over them, some of them, whatever. I said, there's no way you can talk to me with respect but can't go home and talk to your man with respect. Keep that same energy when you're at work, when you're at home. You know what I'm saying? Your relationship would be better. One of the girls did that, whatever. And they just had another child. The less confusion you bring to a man, the more the man is able to think whatever to be better in the world. You know what I'm saying? When I was in my first marriage, I wasn't thinking about getting into real estate. I was just thinking about, you know what I mean? How I'm fixing this marriage, how I'm gonna do this, how I'm stressed out at work. Now, my wife now took that away. How can I provide for her more? How can we do this while we're young so when we're old, whatever we gotta worry about much? See, 304s, they do things without the extra stuff that let's say a regular woman would. They're not gonna come to a man and complain about something. They're there to do that specific job. They try to do that well and then they leave him. Men like simplicity. They don't like women being extra, having all these emotions complaining about this, complaining about that. So 304s is kind of like, all right, I'm kind of at peace for the moment. Women just need to stuff their game up. They need to kind of understand what men want and why are they going to these 304s? Because something that the 304 had that you don't have, what is that? Maybe you understand and then maybe you could do better and then kind of shape your space around his space. Y'all just, most women trying to be separated. I'll tell them, hey, you got to be honest and upfront. You got to give them something different. So in today's society, women are used to us kind of just tiptoeing around them and that's why, with me and my wife, I was kind of like, hey, you can't be doing this. You can't be doing this. You can't be doing that, whatever, right? And she didn't understand it. A lot of times a young woman won't. It took her a few years, whatever, but actually when she started watching videos from Kevin Sammos and stuff like that, whatever, she was like, dang, that's what you was talking about back then. Stay firm, know your worth. I would say, because a lot of times guys really don't know their worth because they always, you know what I mean, demeaned or saying, hey, you toxic and all that type of stuff, whatever, but you have a brain just like how she has a brain and y'all process things totally different. When I was a single dad, when she first came into my life, I was cooking, you know what I mean? Doing all that stuff, take care of my son was two years old at the time. So when she came into the house, she was like, hey, I see y'all be eating every day, but where's his table for him to eat at the table? And I was like, oh, now we just sit on the couch and you know what I mean, we just eat, you know what I'm saying? Because my brain was telling me, hey, he has a food, he's been provided food, he has a house, he's good. But now she came in, she was just like, hey, no, you need to teach him how to sit at the table, you need to show him how to use full spoon, all that type of stuff, whatever, so when he gets older, he'd know how to do it. And I wasn't even much thinking about that stuff because I was thinking about the most basic stuff, whatever, just to make sure he was good. You know what I'm saying? Now she was like, hey, and then she was telling me too, because I used to be just giving him a sandwich. She was like, hey, baby, cut it up for him. You know, I'm like, hey, he good, he ain't, you know what I'm saying? She was like, no, cut it up, whatever, he have a smaller mouth, whatever, so he can, you know, me being with you, the food better and blah, blah, blah. And I was just like, the stuff I wasn't even much thinking about. We as women kind of get lost into those nice things. And I think for a woman to know that she's ready to not just have a nice wedding, you can have a nice wedding, but to be ready to have a nice wedding and to be a wife, you just have to know the purpose of marriage. I think that's, the purpose of marriage is lost. It's just like the status. You know, let me make my friends jealous because I'm gonna be the first one married. Women have to take the competitive spirit out of their system and just be a wife because you're only a wife to one man. I would say, man, in this society it's kind of hard because everybody going through trauma. You know, so I would say you gotta fix your trauma. You know what I mean? First, as much as you can, I ain't say you gotta be 100% perfect, whatever, because now that gives that man an opportunity to come in there and help you do some of those things. And then now you all build trust, you know what I mean? Together, kind of like with me and my wife, whatever, she was kind of going through family issues, whatever. And she allowed me to help her out through those issues, whatever. And now that made our relationship stronger. At one point, I was telling her I put the phone on mute. Hey, say this when he's done whatever. She was going through some dead issues at the time, whatever, right? So I said, hey, I'll put the phone on mute. And cause she just shut down. She just shut down. Or she'll run. Eventually that kind of empowered her because she started seeing him change how he was acting, how he was treating her. You know what I mean? How he was talking to her. And then now they kind of had a more productive relationship after that, whatever. I would tell men in today's society, whatever, not to be out in the streets or whatever. First, you know what I mean? Because the only thing he's going to do is put, it's fun and you know what I mean? You're taking a good time and stuff like that, whatever. But it's impoliteness. And I know when you young, you're like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta get it, gotta get it. You know what I mean? You doing push-ups every day, you know what I mean? Try and look, but you gotta be able to build with somebody. And a lot of men have walked out on good women that they was with, whatever, because they was trying to chase tail. And the exact same thing with women, whatever. They let a good man go, whatever. I noticed when I talked to women, I noticed they all have one good guy that they let go. And they regret it. You could find a spouse anywhere. There's no particular place. I don't suggest like, you know, going to a club to get somebody, but I can't say you're not gonna find somebody at the club because not everybody there are there just to dance and mess with a whole bunch of people. But your first date should only be you and that person talking. I don't even suggest women to go on a dinner date. Because what's happening is these women are going on these days to get this food. You know, they want that Rufus Kris and all of that extra, you know, steak and lobster. But they looking at the steak and lobster and how much did the man could wine and dine them versus is this man worth me sitting at the table with go to a park and just sit down on the bench or walk and just get to know each other? That's the first date. That will lean out if that person is good or not. So I would say, man, it's vast now. So you got online, you got libraries, you got school. I would say so for a young man going to college, I think that's your best opportunity. Look at a family, you know what I'm saying? Have her, you know what I mean? Hey, how was your dad life? You know what I mean? Was your dad in your life, whatever? If the dad was in a life, that's a strike. You know what I'm saying? And it's not like, you know what I mean, she's bad, but just look at it like, all right, cool, I'm gonna have to do more teaching. Y'all mama gonna be telling her do this, do this, do this, do that, whatever, right? And most likely she's probably gonna be single too as well. You know what I mean? And they just know how to get it. They just know how to survive. They don't know how to prosper. Have her watch men's rights videos. See what she say, you know what I'm saying? Like, because men go through it too, especially in the voice court and stuff like that, whatever, like shoot my ex, whatever, it's on drugs, all that type of stuff, whatever. And they were still trying to give her custody. My understanding of submission is, it's just an order of marriage. So when you have a man who's leading you, then under a leader, you have positions under that. And submission is just a form of another position. Okay, I respect my man to lead me. That's the first understanding of submission. That's it. It does not mean that he's controlling you and what you do. It's just that at the end of the day, he's gonna make the final decision. And at the end of that day, if the decision was wrong, the only person they're gonna look at is that person that made that last decision. They're not gonna, even if you women feel like they're a leader, they're still not gonna look at you as a woman when that decision that you made was bad. They're still gonna look at the man. Submission also means that your husband still considers your feelings. He considers the things that you would like to do. It does not mean because you're taking his leadership that now all of a sudden you're unseen unheard. No, you are heard. You're just heard in a different way behind him. Cause when you're with him, you're a representation of the family. So if you're out of line, he looks out of line. Pick someone that has a full understanding of what they're supposed to be doing. So if you guys wanna have a wealthy type of lifestyle, make sure you're picking people who can do that. And then just trust the process. Yeah, first you gotta get a foundation, man. The foundation is there's only one leader, whatever, right? So if you can't get under that leadership of that man, or whatever, it's gonna be issues no matter what relationship you get into. I noticed when my wife started fighting so much of trying to be this or be that, whatever the leader, whatever, she was more able to relax. You know what I'm saying? She was able to kind of get into her role and enjoy it. Like man, like we look at it, we see the suicide race. We see like everything is always blamed on us. Would you wanna, no matter what somebody else did, would you wanna be the blame for it? If you don't like the plan, make his plan better. And this is how you do it, you do it respectfully too. So you'll think of ideas, how can I contribute to this plan? It's been times I had to leave and my wife had to run the whole business. You know what I'm saying? But she was in tune with the plan. A lot of women just like, hey, you just go do your thing over here, I'm gonna do my thing over here. Because women bring unique value to the plan. Like I can make a PowerPoint right about something I'm proud to present, right? And my wife can see that PowerPoint. Oh, you could have put this, make it look like this, make it look nice like this, whatever. Word of this way. If you doing right, your man ain't leaving you. That's facts, whatever. And on the reason why I left my ex, whatever, because you see, I told you all that stuff she was putting me through. You see all that stuff she put me through and I still stay whatever, even with the disrespect and everything, whatever. But when she cheated, I was gone. You know what I'm saying? So I think of what? Like 20% of men filed for divorce. I was part of that small percentage. But I went through a whole bunch of stuff even before that, that a lot of women wouldn't go through. Yeah, and that's the thing. That's what I learned in the marriage, which made me understand how to communicate with men. So I learned men, they're more than just simple, like with the things that they want. Well, for me, it could, it's not simple for me as a woman. So I am like the emotional person. You know, women, they're just naturally emotional. But I understand that men, they don't like all that. Even with the littlest things, they don't wanna see a woman be dramatic over spilled milk type of thing. They want you to still be able to hold your composure and then handle the spilled milk. Because once we start to go dramatic, they trying to fix the problem. You know, men are trying to figure out, okay, she's like this, this happened. I gotta go help, you know, calm her down and then I gotta go fix this problem and then fix the problem on top of that problem. So I never knew that when I was young. You know, I just thought, oh, we could just be having emotional, you know, conversation. I'm like, these men don't like that. So they're simple in that too. But it's hard as a woman, cause you're like, I'm emotional. So how am I gonna sit here and hold all of these emotions while and be like you? I got better just being with my husband based off of this, that one thing. I wanna be more like him and be more logical. I would say like, so men look at big picture, women look at small picture. So that's what I, that's the biggest thing that I knew, I noticed or whatever it, so we're looking at, hey, we got food on the table. We got all these things, you know what I mean? We providing, right? And then save a woman is working, right? Save both working, right? So I was sort of off on my work and bringing in income. So they're bringing it to this one house, right? So a man is looking at it and says, okay, I make 50,000, she make a 50,000. We got 100,000. A woman is looking at it and saying, I got 50,000. And he got 20,000. He got 50,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he got, I got, I actually got more money cause I'm taking it from his pot, whatever. When he looking at it, it's we and they have their own separate account, whatever. So she's like, oh, just in case he leave me, I'm gonna be over here. But his money, she can touch his money. He's not worried about if she's leaving him. Women wasn't always like this. They was trained this by their grandma and their mom and stuff like that, whatever, right? So, and once I seen that, whatever, I told my wife, I was like, we ain't doing that. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? Once we gonna put all our money together, we gonna do this, we gonna do this, whatever, right? And we gonna be able to build. And then she's seen the plan that I did without her money. So now she's like, when I start working, baby, I'm gonna give you my check. It confuses me when I hear women complain about working and washing dishes and cleaning and stuff. Cause I seen my mom do it. My mom, like I said, my mom's married 26 years. It would have been 28 years right now if he didn't pass, whatever. She used to work. She came home, whatever. She did the dishes clean. And then once we got to a certain age, we started doing it. And then we used to help my stepdad, whatever, with the stuff he was doing when he came home. We used to have cut grass. So now you're teaching the kids how to do it. So now I'm not a cut grass. I'm not a cook. I'm not do everything, whatever, right? Because I was learning, you know what I mean? It was like apprenticeship. Think they had up to 10 rental properties. We living in the hood. We living in the hood, other properties in the hood. So now I'm seeing that as, dang, okay, they got, they not making as much money as they job, whatever, right? And then they come home, put their money together, and then under his, my stepdad's leadership, whatever, they go buy rental properties and stuff. They head up to like 10 or 12 at one period of time. And me as a young kid seeing this, seeing them working dynamic, and then me going and working on those properties. Now I'm working my properties I have now because I've seen it. So when they say, hey, oh, and my mom, my mom used to always tell me, I'm not going to complain because I know he's working on the houses. And if my dad didn't make a stepdad didn't make a bad decision, we still would have had all those properties still to this day. But he, he left the hood, come out of, he was from college reals, part of Birmingham, whatever. And somebody owed him some money, he went there, pissed him with the guy and all that type of stuff, whatever, they get his money back. And then he went to jail for two years, you know? And at that time my mom fell bankrupt and lost everything. Staying, staying sweet, nice, feminine, right? So women have an issue with keeping that femininity. And it could be hard because when you're married, remember you're trying to become one. So the person you're with, you're not, there's going to be days where you might piss you off. You still have to learn how to be feminine. And feminine looks like soft spoken. Be heard, but be soft spoken. Don't be disrespectful yelling and doing all of that, you know, neck snapping and all that extra stuff. And the reason why it's difficult is because we live in a society where women could kind of just be and do whatever they want with no consequences. They could walk outside, you know, with booty shirts on and know nothing, you know what I mean? It's, no, the world is showing the wrong part of being feminine. They're like, yeah, you could go ahead and smack a guy in the face. Yeah, we'll just call the cops. No, so because we're watching that on a daily basis, you know, watching those type of shows, people throwing cups and stuff, it kind of like, yeah, yeah, I want to do that. But then you're like, no, no, no, no, you can't do that. So I always have to remind myself, okay, this is who I am, this is who I need to stay. It's fun, man. I don't see nothing. I don't see that it's, you've got somebody on your side. Like, I can say it's difficult at all. Like, cause once you start, stop thinking about the little small BS stuff, it's just, it's fun. You having a good time, you joking around, you having these type of conversations and stuff. You know what I mean? You're imparting wisdom. You imparting, you know, you getting a companion. You getting your knees met in the bedroom. You, it's just like so much that it comes with whatever. And I, oh, I can't really see no negative towards it. I guess what my mind said now, because we hashed out all our issues, whatever. I say, I would guess the communication. Once you get the communication online, and the man is able to tell him, tell you exactly what he's thinking, and he's feeling, and without you saying, hey, yo, you toxic or you don't know what you talking about, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. I think a lot of the BS is gone. So a lot of our issues were before we got married. So we had a lot of conflict. It was like crazy. And we learned how to communicate in the relationship. We've seen each other's worst. We've seen each other's best crying and all of that stuff. So now we know what line not to cross, but it does not mean it was perfect. I understand something about my husband every month, because if you think about it, when you get with someone, let's say you got with someone at the age of 25, like myself, right? The person that you would, do you know 25 years before? Do you know anything about this person before? No, you're never going to, even when you're with them for 10, 20 years. There's a lot of things that's missing. I learned my husband's triggers. I didn't know the triggers in the relationship. I just know he was arguing. But in the marriage, I've learned his triggers. Now I really know what not to do, what not to say to trigger that. Or now I really know, okay, we may need to go to therapy for stuff that happened in the past in our individual life. We learned that before we got married. I would tell everybody to do that before you get married, learn how to resolve conflict. Now I'm saying there's no conflict that's going to happen, but knowing the tools and the things in place, whatever, so when something does happen, you good. You know what I mean? You can actually, she can come to you and talk to you, you respect me. And she might give a little hype, but hey baby, calm down. Just tell me what you're trying to say. And say how I'm not going to listen to you if you're going to act crazy. You know what I'm saying? So if guys be like, hey, you can tell me exactly what you want to tell me, whatever, but just as long as you say it in a respectful way and I'll wait, I can understand it, be good. So once you disrespect others, that's turned on a light switch. And I had even like with my wife, whatever, before we got married, I used to tell her, we laugh about it now. I used to tell her, I say, are you going to be a man or are you going to be a woman? And I say, because I'm not gay, you know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? So you going to talk to me like a man or you going to talk to me like a woman, whatever, you know what I mean? And then at first she didn't understand, you know what I'm saying? That was one of the things she didn't understand. And then, but I used to keep saying it all the time to her when she used to try to argue and stuff like that. And I'm calm and, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, hey, you going to be a man or you going to be a woman? It's a lose, lose for me. If we get into an argument, I'm going to be the bad guy. You're going to be abused on her, even if she was yelling at me first. If I hit her, I'm physically abused on her. So why would I yell? I mean, I would tell me, don't put yourself in that situation. Just talk to him like, hey, you going to be a man, you going to be a woman or are you going to respect me or you don't? Tell him like, hey, text me. They ain't going to want to text you. You know what I'm saying? They're going to email to give Dave frustration out. So then they're going to start calming down. If they don't calm down, leave them. So I suggest people to, when you get married, don't allow others in it. Don't allow your mom, your dad, you know, grandparents, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends, close friends, strangers. Cause people like to go on Facebook and be like, hey, man, this person, this happened, this happened, this happened. Can someone help me? You know, asking all the wrong people. Don't let no one into your marriage. Cause the outsiders, they don't know y'all. Even if your mother knows you, she don't know him. And your daddy knows him, cause he's a man, right? He understands, but he still don't know you as well. Like it's, it's confusing to even explain it. So don't allow it to be in it because it's going to confuse things. At the end of the day, men and women should learn how to resolve their own issues together. Now I'm not saying you can't have support. I'm not saying you can't have assistance. When you go through things, you learn so much more about each other. You have an argument, you learn so much more about that person. You're learning their triggers. You're like, oh wow, he really got mad at that. Oh wow, she really was pissed off. So let that be a learning experience. Don't let it be negative. Just let it be like, okay, we need to work on this. We need to work on that and just work on it. Collectively respect, you know, respect each other while doing it. So that's why the divorce rate is so high like that because it's so many outsiders. I would say first off, you can't go into a situation with fear. Have the logic behind it cool, but don't go into it with fear because fear is always can control you. So fear, fear is real hard to get rid of. So even if you're in a marriage, you're not gonna be fully committed. You're not gonna be fully there because you're scared. Or what if I mess up here? Or what if I do this wrong? You know what I'm saying? So I would say kind of get out of the fear mindset. Of course it's happened, understandings happen. I know it's gonna, that it can possibly happen, whatever, right? But you got to get with a woman that has an issue with divorce. She was like, I don't want, I don't never want to get a divorce. I don't care, I'm 100%, I'm in. So you got to make sure the person that you in, you with has an issue. My wife posted a video about Tia Mori filing for divorce and with the graduation, blah, blah, blah, whatever. You know what I'm saying? And you got women that's married on there saying I don't see a problem with it. So now I'm looking at this as, who are you married to? Now, because he's going, so soon she filed for divorce on you. Now you're gonna meet in this, man, dang man, these women don't care about marriage. You got to show them videos about what Tia's doing. See how they respond. If they respond happy, oh yeah, she just wanted to be happy, blah, blah, blah, blah. She a-ail. When you start thinking about, oh, he didn't buy me no more roses or he's not as romantic. I mean, what is he doing? Is he wasting his time? Is he out at the club, at the bar? Okay, well that's a problem. Because if he was at the club in a bar, he could be with you to be romantic. So, help them understand the importance. Some men have, they wanna go to the bar because they wanna be free because maybe you're nagging too much. Like, it depends on the type of man you have. So understand you're a man, understand what he likes as he a family man. You should marry a family man. You shouldn't marry someone who wants to be out. So did you really vet properly? You know what I'm saying? You gotta vet these guys how you want, what you want. So the other thing to that is, if your man is not being romantic, what is he doing? Is he being productive? Okay, he's trying to help build the financial freedom. So don't be mad at that. Just know at the end of all of this, if it takes you guys a couple of years, just know when those couple of years and y'all are financially free, you're gonna be able to do whatever you want. So just look at the long-term picture instead of like this short-term picture. If he's productive, you be productive. And that's that. With you. Black girl, tell me how you really feel? I wanna keep it real with you. I wanna live better, eat better. I wanna love better, sleep better. Yeah, I wanna feel so aligned. Sublime.