 Flags of shit foam spitting from her arsehole all over the back windscreen. So she was one of the worst kindergarten teachers I've ever had. Welcome to. Welcome to. Store my life, life, life on the floor. Episode number nine of the Marty and Michael podcast. We are in the middle of a pandemic. It's 2020 and we are we've been at home for so long. You can't you can't do anything on the weekends. So we just we just we signed up to masterclass. Yeah, we've been trying to keep ourselves entertained and trying to trying to do things that aren't just wasting time like watching TV. We've been filming a lot, but we're so restricted. You can't go outside. We can't do many experiments. You can't really plan good pranks because we just hear the whole time. Yeah, we're sort of stuck with each other. That's not meant to be here. This is we break the rules. This is a woman to be in isolation. He's not meant to be here. If anyone from Wholesome's watching, make sure you reprimand him because he's not meant to be here. That's a beautiful word reprimand. I just checked though. The rules says you are allowed to have one or two people visit you, but no mass gatherings. So we're in the clear. That's not a DJ. So my life, life, life. Shit talk. There's not much to shit talk about. Like, what are we doing the weekends? Oh, we just lay around and watch Netflix. I watched that Tiger King thing. That's pretty fucking awesome. That was. You weren't into it as much as I was. The first episode was shit. It's like, oh, it's fucking people who just have wild animals. Big, big fucking deal. And then you sort of then you get to know the characters and it's just shocking. You reckon she killed her husband? Yeah, of course she did. Carol Baskin. Is that her name? Carol Baskin. And Robbins. And she's just fucked. She was fucked when she was 14. Gang fucked. Gang fucked by a couple of blokes from across the road. And then she married some dude who beat the fucking piss out of her for years. And then she fucked off with her kid. Of course, that's going to fuck anyone up in the head now. I was too sad. I was far too stoned for the series because I don't remember that at all. I wrote it all down, eh? That's not a DJ. It's all my life, life, life. So, yeah, we've just been filming. We've been filming website content. This podcast is proudly brought to you by University of Markle, our website. Got www.universityofmarkle.com. We have hours and hours now, like well over six hours of unseen content that we can't post to social media. Michael put dog shit all over his face from like a dog shit make-up tutorial recently. We fucking slingshot. We did some house tours. Oh, we already said that last week. House tour. We've done it. It's just heaps of... We can TV crew. And tomorrow we're filming another website video where it's going to be a tennis game, except we're just going to be trying to hurt each other a lot. So just go and have a look. You don't have to sign up. You don't have to sign up, but just go and have a look. If you like the podcast, you want to support it. You don't have to sign up. Just have a look at it. You have to sign up. So you have to sign up. It's not a DJ, it's a DJ, it's a DJ, it's a live live. Live. Yeah, so not a shit talk. I'm sorry, there's not much, but I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell you one thing. Matthew Brown works at Halsom, right. That's where he works. Halsom. H-O-L-C-I-M. They got headquarters there in Milton and he's got he's he's working. He's up way up the ranks. And he came he came from Halsom today, finished his day. Job at Halsom came here and he started researching, right? At about midday, I saw him ran in with a panicked look on his face, pulled his laptop out and started researching furiously for the facts. These aren't theories. This is for the facts that on the segment on this day, on this day, these are facts, cold hard facts from Matthew Brown, who works at Halsom. You might be wondering why there's cuts all over my face. It's because Michael pulled my pizza out of the oven and fucking pegged it at my face. The video should be out right now on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram. That's not a DJ, my life on the floor. All right, so this is all factual. This is like I said, and that works very hard to put these facts together. This he, you know, the people he knows, the people he has to get into contact with to put these facts together. It's honestly, it's mind blowing. I still don't know how he does it. Anyway, let us begin. On this day in 1960, Russell Crowe, King hit six nuns and remained erect throughout his entire court hearing the following year. He King hit six nuns in the 60s and stayed hard throughout the entire court hearing the following year. Did not know that. How is that not? You Google it and nothing comes up. Google doesn't even know. Matthew Brown, it's unbelievable. He writes emails. He just fucking emails people. He faxes. He spoke to one of the nuns. He sends faxes. All right, on this day in 1936, Elvis Presley fucked a local school teacher so violently that he ended up with cerebral palsy. The authorities dropped all charges when Elvis dedicated his hit song, You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog, to his victim. Well, at least he, that's a big song. I did not know that that song was about that. So there you go. You can paint a very graphic visual image. Did he fuck him till he had cerebral palsy? Fucked him so violently that he, he ended up with, yeah, like he must have woken up the next day and his spine was all twisted and he was all in a wheelchair. Is that what that is? I think so, yeah. Matt, can you just check what- Isn't it like MS? Can you just check what cerebral palsy is for us, please? It's like MS. I'm used to, that's why I've got a connection with it. Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure you dated a chick with cerebral palsy. I'm fucking dating a chick. It's a secret, it's a special secret only for the fully actual listeners. That's so wrong. Cerebral palsy. I don't know how to open this. I'll show you. I need to get a podcast bottle opener. Oh, shit, I thought that would work. So I've got more here, thank you. Yeah, go on, man. Thank you, Dad. Cerebral palsy is a group of permanent movement disorders that appear in early childhood. Signs and symptoms vary among people and over time. Often symptoms include poor coordination, stiff muscles, weak muscles and tremors. It's like Parkinson's. There may be problems with sensation, vision, hearing, swallowing and speaking. It's nothing to do with their bones. What do you mean? I'm just reading the facts that Matt Brown fucking gave us. All right, so there you go. So it would have been, it sounds horrific. So fair enough, he should have dedicated a song. He probably should have been prosecuted, but anyway. And for the record, Matt wasn't, he didn't Google that. He just knew that. It probably sounded like he was reading because his voice is really monotone but he was actually, he just knew that straight from his head. That's how. He's like an encyclopedia. A little bit, a little bit. On this day in 1993, Gordon Ramsay tore his arse cheeks apart and swore at an employee directly from his arsehole, making him the first person in the world to grow vocal cords in his colon. That's unbelievable. That's amazing. I love Gordon Ramsay. He can swear from his arse as well. I didn't know that again. That's the first for everything. That would be the ultimate insult. If you do something wrong in his kitchen and he pulls his pants down and pulls his cheeks apart and you get a fucking mouthful from his arsehole. Imagine if he spat as he spoke from his bum. He would. He would do that. Oh, shit crystals all over the face. What's the song we've been singing? DJ stole my wife. Okay, I was just about to sing it but I forgot. Speaking of DJs, on this day in 2007, a mediocre DJ known as Will Sparks was found searching through a bin outside a brothel. When questioned, he admitted he was looking for his favorite toy car which he had misplaced while he was being thumbed by a blind prostitute. Fuck you, Will Sparks. I don't know who that is, Will Sparks. I don't know. He's like some shit person who presses a button and then goes like this. Oh, so there you go. I did not know that. I don't know. Remember when we were at his half-half show that he never showed up to? Oh, he had Will Sparks. Yeah, right. Yeah, okay, yeah. People coming up to me saying, dude, I love your stuff. Because apparently I look like her. You look exactly like him. Next. Next segment. That's not a DJ. Stole. On the floor. All right, next segment, which has, of course, been renamed. Hey, what was that, Matt, from Wholesome? I just Googled him, just as, I don't know if I didn't know what to look like. Do I sort of look like her? A little bit. Oh, man. What are the differences? He goes to the gym a bit more, doesn't he? Yeah, he looks like he goes to the gym a bit more. So he has a much better body. Looks like he has some skin care as well. All right, so he's a much better looking version of Michael. According to our researcher. Well, I guess it does fucking make sense the song we've been singing. A DJ Stole My Life. We should have sung that at that gig, man. We should have got up there and busted it out. Imagine that. Imagine if we did a song there. Yeah, so it's good. This segment has been renamed to Fuck, I like the first sound, though. It was so interesting. And this is a segment where we just answer questions. How to pronounce that one that you guys have sent in via Instagram. Oh, yeah. Well, thank you, people. Oh, imagine that. Imagine if you did it. Poetic justice liquid all over his tits. Man, that's not going to be half about the cord. That's not going to be half about the cord. Michael did that. It's not on the cord. Yeah, I know. You lied. You're trying to get in trouble. What? My wife went on me. Thank you, angry dad. And thank you, angry dad and Dylan and Mitch for sending us these poetic justice. Four cartons of piss. So that'll keep this one busy for a couple of days. Yeah, they're yummy. It's like 2.1 standard drinks per one of these little things. That's what Michael likes it the most. They're like cruises, but better alcohol. Yeah, that's not a do stole my wife on the floor. That's a question. OK, wait, wait, there's so many. That's not a that's not a that's not a I can't stop the song, dude. It's so addictive. All right, the question is from Mick Om, he a hawk off it. He's Dutch. If a cow's head was replaced with Michael's, would you still fuck? Yes. Of course I would. A cow's a cow. It doesn't matter what his head is, as long as it's still behaved like a cow. I think it would be like a special dark twist on it to see Michael's little head on a huge cow body. Would you have to get drunk? And he'd be singing that song. That's not as I approached him. Big smile on his face. And he's got that hair to grab onto to help thrust it backwards into my hips. That's not a day. So yes. On the floor. All right, that song is going to be happening a lot throughout this podcast. I can't stop. Jim, that's as soon as Mac got here, that's all we've pretty much said to him. Matthew Brown from Holton. That's what we've said to him. All right, next question is from Nathan underscore Lanham. Since you guys are the best and are better than Stephen Hawking's. I love the S on the end of Hawking. It's so hot at science. Did you create the coronavirus in your science labs so you could kill Judge Judy? No, that was that nothing to do with us, believe it or not. We have we have the technology. I knew about it. I'm going to say I knew. I actually know about it. Yeah, what before that before it was. Better here, say here, say throughout the science. Well, talking about the bats behind closed doors. Wow. Well, there you go. All right. So it turns out we did have something. I did. Yeah, I didn't let anyone. Yeah, anyway, well, maybe we'll just 50 50 cut that corner because we don't want people knowing that we had something to do with that. That's not a DJ still in my life. Monique underscore Morris dot dot dot. So it just ran around a room. Can't read the whole user name. Marty, would you rather have one more fuck with your notorious cow or cut Michael's hair again? That's so easy. And I've got a question after that. Michael, do you know about the shit sandwich? What's the shit sandwich? Did you put shit in my fucking sandwich? That's not it. Still on the floor. I don't do. I don't do the same cow twice on very normally kill them on very rare occasions. And I'll come back to visit the body and the bloated corpse to see my gizz festering in its asshole. But yeah, usually the cows are so physically torn to shreds that it would be impossible to have sex with it again without alerting the authorities. Oh, so no. And what's this shit sandwich stuff? I'm not sure I googled shit sandwich just to find out if there's anything going on. So far, I've only found that there's a saying in town. Shit sandwich is a method of delivering some bad news. So deliver this shit sandwich to somebody and then deliver this bad news to somebody. I'm going to start using that all the time. I've just come up with an idea. OK, for skin, a website video, eating a shit sandwich. That's a great idea. A cow pat. You could just put I could do that. A dried cow pat in between two pieces of bread. I'd do that with some barbecue sauce. So if you want to see that subscribe to the University of Michael, all right. Next question is from. Jess dot kitten underscore. Would you rather have testicles for toes or dicks for fingers? Don't forget to think about stubbing your testicle toe. Would you rather have testicles for toes or dicks? I probably have dicks for fingers because you can't really. It'd be better for fingering. Yeah. And like you can't really work. Dicks plus imagine instead of like using fingers, you could get four dicks in them. Yeah. And I wonder if they'd get hard, though, if they'd just be floppy little flaccid things to force it in. And then when you get you wouldn't be able to hide your horniness. Your fingers would get all stiff and long. Yeah, the hotter the go. It just go one up, two up, three up, ten up straight. Bang. What about when you come? Yeah, it shoots out a. You'd be Spider-Man. You don't have fingers. That's what Spider-Man is. He's dick fingers. Oh, my God. Also, with testicles for toes, you wouldn't be able to run because of the incredible pain. Yeah, fuck that. You can't walk. You're basically Stephen Hawking. You're putting your entire body weight on your testicles. No, there's ten times of pain. Yeah, fuck that. Definitely dick for fingers. All right. Next question. James DeMaria. Why does Michael always look like he's got a dildo up his ass all the time? Next question. Next one's Jude Francis underscore. What inspired you? I guess growing up and stuff. Yeah, just like just growing up. Inspired you? Growing up, like, was really inspirational. Because, you know, you start out so young. You fucking like all like your three years old. And then you're like, one day, five years old. Years like five years old. And then you're like, oh, fucking hell. And then like a couple of days later, you're fucking eight years old. And then it's like, you know, it's inspirational that you that you're growing up. So I think just growing up was inspirational. You never fucking grew up. Yeah, but like, physically, you know what I mean? Like, oh, yeah, it's getting older. And now we're like, now it's like, fuck, I'm 30. It's like so motivating. No, it's not that we're 30. Getting old sucks. It's very fine. I draw inspiration from just like, oh, fuck, I'm a bit older now. I'm getting into colors lately. Like I see a color and I'm like, whoa, we're all going to die one day. Everyone. Yeah, no, it sucks to think about. Everyone listening. Everyone wants me to want to have another sip. Everyone listening. Us too. We'll die soon. Matt, you're gone. You're definitely gone. There's everyone listening, people commenting, sharing. You're all dead. Everyone's going to die one day. So draw inspiration from the fact that you will be dead. So just enjoy the moments you have when you're not dead. Because one day you ain't going to have no moments left. You're not breathing, no more, no more. You're going to be an unconscious fucking course under the fucking ground cunt. And it will be set in concrete. And you won't be remembered. Matt, your grave is going to be built out of concrete. You have a wholesome statue in Milton. All right. G Higgins. Oh, three is Marty's last name. Actually, Arty, your last name. I can't fucking talk or talk. Your last name is Arty is Arty. OK, but his real one is fucked. So just like mine. So my last my real last last name is Arty, Poland. He's just saying that because Jews are from there and you hate Jews. No, that's where your heritage is. The last name Arty does come from Poland. All right, we'll leave it at that. D underscore Nemmel. Dear Rick and Morty. I got to watch that show. Nutshots or headshots? Headshots. Nutshots. Oh, it depends. What depends on the object? A golf ball pegged at your nut or your head? Not you'd have to go nuts because it's going to crack your scalp. Yeah, you could die. What about like a bean bag or an axe? A bean bag, easy to the head. You wouldn't want your fucking. Yeah, a kick, a kick. Oh, well, Locky from Jackson took a kick to the head. On the he was fine. Yeah, yeah, probably head. The side of the head is not the temple. We know this. The underscore Kiwi, underscore 93. Why is it that Michael? Full stop. Marty, why are you? Yeah, so great question. So about 14 months ago, we were out west doing some work for some farmers, building some fences and the storms are old in and we had to get out of there. So we took the truck, followed the train line down to Karara. And from there, we just sort of walked straight back to Brisbane. I get that. Oh, I think it was either. Well, you were there, but you weren't you weren't awake. You were like passed out. You were the sheet metal on the back of the truck. You were the sheet metal. Remember that week you were sheet metal. Oh, yeah, that was such a medley week. That's not a digital life for J3T, I was going. Would Michael fuck Camel? If we were in a farm, me and Marty, and we had nothing, we were stuck in a farm for a year, right? We're not a farm, a zoo. We can't lead the zoo. Fuck, that'd be a good life. Be a zoo animal in a cage, just in our own cage. Marty and Michael. No, I'd rather be me. And I want to be an animal. Yeah, but we're just in a cage, not with other animals, but we are the animals in a cage. And then people just walk past and like take photos of us and wave at us. And we just lie there and get fed and like people say, yeah, it's like fucked for the, you know, it's not their like nature. But it would be pretty cool getting everything done for you. But I guess you don't have any freedom. But you've got your friends there. You can hang out, play on the tire swing, say like gorillas and monkeys. They just play on the tire swings, go for swims, get fed, as you said, three times a day or four, five. I would suggest not to have sex with a camel. A Saudi Arabian man, 26 years old, recently had sex with a camel and received two months jail and a thousand lashes. Yeah, but what Saudi Arabia, they weren't, I guess you can't find so much here, too. Wonderful. Two months. Two months jail. That's not that much. I reckon I could take a thousand lashes. I was just about to say, we should see if we could take the punishment for fucking a camel. Do the punishment first and then we get a free fuck. Yeah, yeah, true. I'll buy a whip. Now, I don't need to do it if we were stuck in a zoo for a year and we fuck, we'd have to be camel. Because you'd be, I'd just do it from peer pressure because you'd be fucking cows and I'd get bored. I don't think they'd like cows near me publicly. I don't think that they would like cows near me. It would be very horrific for the children to see. Would you like to hear? Yeah, no, a zoo where we're just in the zoo. It's a lockdown zoo. It's the fucking pandemic. What a shit zoo. Do you want to hear the man's excuse, though, for? He was horny. No. He says when he was when he was caught, he was performing philatia, which is sucking it off. And when when he was caught, he told the person that he was trying to drink the sperm of the camel to cure his cold sores. I wonder if that works. There's another experiment. What a strange man. Or what a strange excuse. I like him. All right, next question is from Jake underscore Berges dot 14. Hey, fellas, what is one memory that you remember of the other person that will never stop making you piss yourself of laughter? The thing that always made us chuckle for a while was the the fact that we kidnapped that dude and beat this shit out of him in a forest. We had a good couple months after that one where I'd be in the shower feeling sick for the fucking days. You know, when you're alone and you thought about it by yourself. Yeah, I still think about it. Yeah, I know, like it's so. But it's good how time heals shit, because it's been like what three to three years now. And now we've like the time has made it funny. Hence why we've told you guys. I can't remember the podcast number. Maybe it was thirty eight, I think. Go back to that one. Yeah, it's sometimes you look back at that and have giggles. The some of the times that were funny was when Michael went through the phase of there'd be people, friends coming over and he'd go to the bathroom and shit in his hands and bring it out and just the reactions of the people that were over to his house would always be just like, I'm like, what do I do with this? And then I didn't know what to do. Me or Henry would always, always managed to knock this shit out. I'd try and run away and Marty would knock it out of my head and it would next minute. They'd slap against the wall and slide down shit all over the wall. My poor parents. That always goes to their house, too. That's not a stranger's dream. I sailed away to those two birds on my car. Yeah, they're probably the tomato sauce. They'd be eating it on. There's eggs on there, too. Shit. All right. But poor seven six five. How old is Bosley seven yesterday? Yeah, Bosley's birthday. We took him to the beach and then I fed him a kilo of I fillet steak, which he was very happy with. So he is seven years old. Aaron, Hargis photo. Full, the actual podcast question. Would you rather have part of skin from your diktorn off because it got stuck in someone's braces or to get your asshole fingered by someone who just got finished eating spicy buffalo wings causing your insides to feel as if they're on fire. Second one. Yeah, I can't. Easy. That's when your dick ripped. Yeah, it's too simple. Ripped dick skin or fingers in the ass with a bit of spice on them. The ass. Yeah. There's no long term repercussions on the second one. The first one you fucked. Oh, and like if I'm if a girl with braces is giving me head one, that means that she's probably quite young. And and, you know, that's that's not OK now because we're quite a bit old. Yeah. People with braces are usually in their teens. How did you bring it there? For both of you, what's a type of food that could make you throw up nearly instantly? Probably eggs. Eggs are fucked. I don't get why people eat eggs. That's a chicken period. It's a fucking half developed bird sort of. That's just all gooey. That yellow shit, the oak can get fucked. The white stuff, if I had to, I'd eat, but I would never do it. Whenever I get fried rice, I ask for no egg. I will never eat egg. The smell of egg is fucked. It's just don't eat eggs. I like eggs. The thing that would make me throw up is like eyes, eating an eyeball. That's not really a food, but I think that that would make me gag. And also chewing into it, like squirt out. Yeah, the texture would be and so streaming. So streaming fish. We did a video on that. It's like this fish that is just baking and its own bacteria. We did a video on it. And yeah, it's nearly impossible to eat that without gagging very violently. Well, it's naming. Gag thinking about it. That's not a strangeest dream. Matt, would you rather bang your mother's mind in your girlfriend's body or your girlfriend's mind in your mother's body? Shit. Whoa, that's a good one. Shit. Shit, I probably do both. I'd tell I'd have a threesome with both of them. Oh, I'd probably. Oh, no, I'd probably do. I'd probably lights off with your mom. She's out of her body in your girlfriend's body. So she doesn't know what's got a solution after this. Yeah. And then I'd probably go mom's body, but lights are off. So I can just imagine my girlfriend. And then my mom's in my girlfriend's body. So she doesn't know what's happened. She just knows that, oh, yuck. Mm, your mom's quite sexy. I'd choose my mother's mind in my girlfriend's body. But hear me out. I would, I would hit, I would hit her, knock her out unconscious and then quickly, very quickly have sex with it. So, you know, and then when she comes to, I just say, oh, yeah, you were hit by a beam, a beam of wood. Oh, yeah. They always fall about those things. So yeah, so no one's a wiser and I'm not actually having sex with my mother's mind because she's not there. It's a vacant mind. Now I'll tell you, get rid of a mind you king hit. What is your favorite disease from Crazy Human underscore 1871? My favorite disease would have to be the Stephen Hawking's one. Yeah, whatever that one was. Stephen Hawking's disease. Yeah, that's a good one. That one or Huntington's disease, where your muscles get eaten away. That's a good one, too, until you can't walk and shit. Great question. No more of that. In your box. No. You don't even know what it is yet. All right, true. OK, let's open it up. All right, guys, time for our next segment, which has been renamed to you still don't show me what it is. You show me what it is. I need it right now because I don't do that to me. And this is a segment where we just open things that you guys have sent in via our P.O. box, which is two, five, six, Tegum, four, zero, one, eight, boy. So this week, we didn't go to our P.O. box and we didn't get sent anything. So we've had to pretend that we got sent something. Find out one more. And then we wrapped it up in this paper here. So let's see what it is this week. All right, so here we have a hairspray. So someone sent us hairspray. Thank you very much. And that is how you use it. You got to push that white button down and then the hairspray comes out and you can go ahead and sew your hair. Michael's saying put it away. All right, that is the end of our P.O. box unboxing segment. All right, moving on. We have a new segment now and it's really gaining some traction. Michael's just popped off to get his cactus for his new segment called Stunt Time. And I'm just while he's away. I'm quickly just spraying this hairspray into his crink that was sent in via our P.O. box. OK, here he comes. So brand new segment went really well last week and it's back again this week. It's called Michael's. It's called Stunt Time. Fuck, I've already fucked myself with it. All right, what do we got for Stunt Time this week, Michael? This is called hot potato cactus. But yeah, hot potato, but then in brackets, but cactus. So hot potato in brackets, but it's a cactus. Yeah. So why don't you tell us what's got what happens? I've already fucking got a few spines in his hands. OK, so the objective of this stunt is to always be yourself. No, you've got to use the cactus like a hot potato. Oh, my God, I've already fucked everything up. Hey, God damn it, cacti sucks. So you've got to like a hot potato. We'll go one for one. I'll hit it up. You hit it. You've got to get 10 hits. Con, I just bumped the camera if you can somehow cut that. That'd be good. Thanks. I think leave it. That's pretty rude to spit that drink back. What the fuck was that? We. That was so fucking disgusting. You got pranked. Oh, I spit that out, dude. Well, make it up here. What about this, right? Make it for this week that you have to do it just by yourself and try and get 10. Ah, because that's better coordination. Yeah, and also it's also just about being yourself. So make sure you're also just being yourself. OK, so the objective is 10. 10. All right, here we go. So Michael's got a toss of cactus up and he has to hit it up with both hands 10 times. I'll count to you. Make sure you're also just being yourself. OK. Ready? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10. We've got that. Stunt time. Yes. Ah, shit. Fucking stunt time up in this shit, man. And that's it. So for those listening, make sure you go to our YouTube to see that because he's got spines all through his hands now. Those spines are so fine. I've had them in my hands and I cannot stand them. Well, fuck, I regret that. Yeah, dude, I can't believe you did that. They're everywhere now. All right, moving right along to our final segment. All right, the final segment has been renamed to. And this segment, of course, is just a prank call. Pranks that you guys have sent in to us, all right? So people have sent in scenarios and their friends' numbers and shit. And we're going to try and fuck with them, all right? All right, so Finlay underscore McIntyre has said, hey, fellas, I'd love for you if you could prank call my brother. He has an extremely loud land crusade. Maybe talk about noise complaints. He lives in St. Lucia in Brisbane. He gets quite a few complaints from neighbors when he leaves for work early in the morning and then pisses him off a lot. All right, so I'll be Trevor from Brisbane City Council and I'll just be calling him because there have been some more noise complaints. Stirling, my name is Trevor. I'm just calling from Brisbane City Council. How are you today, mate? Hey, good night. Look, mate, I've had a few complaints coming in, a few noise complaints from people surrounding your property, just about a noisy car. And I've just looked you up on the computer here and apparently there's been a few complaints. I think that's your, what's that? Two, five, sixth complaint, which is a compulsory fine that we need to send out and also I need to call you, just stand at protocol to let you know that your neighbors are complaining quite a bit about the noise apparently from your car, a land cruiser. All right. Yeah, so the fine has been sent out today and you should receive it in two business days and it's up to $560. And yeah, mate, well, it's six complaints. It's, you know, it starts to get a little bit serious after a while, especially leaving that early in the morning in a high residential area there in St. Lucia. You know, it's equivalent to someone pulling out a lawn mower or an air horn at five a.m. And, you know, waking people up. You can sort of see why the people would be complaining. Yeah, yeah, but it's all legal. I'm not doing anything illegal. Yeah, well, mate, the complaints sort of say otherwise. Apparently a couple of your neighbors think that you've modified your exhaust and that it's incredibly loud and that you are aware of the complains and that you purposely rev your engine. One person in particular has complained a few times and actually has sent in a recording and it's sort of sounding like that you rev your engine for a few minutes before you leave. Is that you aware of that? Is that something you're doing on purpose? Complaints, can I ask? No, mate, sorry. I'm not allowed to give you that information. It's sort of submitted anonymously, but yeah, so the $560 final come out and I'm afraid if we get any more complaints that will legal action will have to be taken and the city council can actually seize your car if there's another two complaints. You have to inspect it. So we're actually gonna send someone from the city council out tomorrow morning to inspect the car just to make sure that you haven't actually modified anything. Will you be home at around 9 a.m.? Yeah, I can only fucking climb just something if I've done it all legally. That's crazy. Yeah, look, mate, I'm just trying to do my job. I'm just letting you know that the fine's been sent out and also that the, look, who knows? The person could, the councilman could come out tomorrow, check your car and everything will be fine. You still unfortunately will have to pay the fine, but if your car hasn't been modified, there shouldn't be any further issues as long as you stop purposely revving your engine in the morning for a few minutes before you leave. I cannot recall once revving my engine in the morning purposely. All I do is get up and drive to work. Yeah, well, they've sent in a recording and it's pretty damning recording. It sort of sounds like you're sitting there for what's it, 150 seconds. So just over two minutes revving incredibly loudly and you can be heard laughing as well from the car. So it sounds like you're doing it intentionally to annoy this one neighbor in particular. 150 bucks, I've never done this, I've never done that. Yeah, well, look, like I said, mate, I'm just looking at the information in front of me and yeah, the councilman will come around tomorrow and look, if you, what you say is true and you haven't modified your car. What did you say your name, what's sorry? Trevor, Trevor from Brisbane City Council. I can give you my employee ID if you like and you can write it down and check everything. Oh, mate, like I said, I don't know. Like I thought we got a warning first for getting the fucking fine. Well, it says here that warnings have been sent out on the third and fifth occasion. So this is the sixth. I haven't got a single warning. Well, it says here that the warnings were received by you. So please don't lie to me, Sterling. That it says here that you have acknowledged that you received the warnings here on the last, last middle of last November, 2019, you received your first warning. You aware of that? You must be taking, I've never fucking, I've never gotten a warning in my life, mate. Well, it says here that you, it says here right here that you received the warning and you acknowledge that you received the warning on your third complaint. It's any warning to anything you did once, ever, ever. Sorry, Sterling, can you just, can you just relax, please? Mate, I'm honestly, I'm just trying to do my job and would appreciate if you could just try and relax. So, so the councilman should be at... Look, Sterling, again, I'm not your mate. Look, I'm not your mate at the end of the day. You're terrorizing your entire neighborhood, okay? You've received this fine, which I think is just, all right? This is your sixth complaint. I've heard the recording, all right? You're revving your engine and laughing at the same time for well over two minutes, all right? So, let this be a warning to you. If the councilman comes out and sees that you've modified your car, we will be seizing your car, okay? Do you understand that? I'm sorry, mate, that's just, these are the legal ramifications. If you continue to wake people up at five a.m. in the morning, okay? So, you can't tell me... Of course, I'm not allowed to tell you that because then if something happens to him, then, you know, we would be, Brisbane City Council would be liable. So, of course, I'm not allowed to say anything. You idiot, you're fucking idiot. Fucking idiot. You need to take your piece. I bought him my pizza. I was like, no way. What? Oh, you fucking... Sterling, it's, it's fucking, it's Marty and Michael. We're, um... Finlay sent your number in via Instagram, so we thought we'd... We thought we'd stir you up a bit, mate. Oh, that's good. Is it on the podcast? Yeah, yeah, this will be on the podcast next Monday, next Monday. I got pulled over by the fucking cops the other day, so I thought there was no way that they could have already been fucking quality. Yeah, there you go. Well, thanks for being in the bloody good sport, mate. Sorry to roll you up there. No worries, mate, you have a good day and you're bloody. Don't rev that engine, mate. See you, mate. See you, buddy. See you, dude. That was so good. Fuck, I wish I didn't laugh when I kept him going for a long time. There was too much, you fucking idiot. It's so rude. I meant to be Brisbane city council's swearing at the people you're charging. I like to try and get progressively really annoyed at them, but then I just skipped ahead to the end. You fucking idiot. We're going to seize your car. Very good, guys. Keep sending in those prank calls of irons. Details. Okay, yeah, as much detail as you can, okay? Don't be worried about me reading out all the details because I won't. We'll cut all that shit out. It's just for me so that I can just prank the fuck out of them. All right, so just keep sending them in via Instagram. It's good shit. It's good shit. And that is the end of episode number nine. We're nearly a quarter of the way through the season. We're a quarter of the way through the year. Oh yeah. Makes sense. No, we're one-third. Makes sense. Almost. And then end of April we're one-third. And that's why we are the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. Best, best, best, best, best, best. We're the best. Fuck the rest. Oh, it was b-