 Okay, Laverne. So my question is about specialness. And in the ego's world, it seems like in the nine months that I've been here, specialness has been the most painful thing to deal with. And especially with leaving a husband and to take these steps and to be on this path because he wasn't. And I could just see that there was really not a meeting point there. So, you know, nine months later, you know, I just fall deeply in love with Pauley. And then all of the specialness is just coming up again. And it feels like I don't want to go through that again, the pain of it. That's what it's going to be. Yeah. Well, certainly it's, I think, the most painful aspect of specialness is exposing it. You know, it's like, before it just seemed like just the way things are in the world, you know? It's like, it's what you see in the movies. It's what you see in the fairy tales. You just see it acted out. It's all you know of life. And, you know, people will say, yeah, you have to take the good with the bad. And, you know, you just have to accept things as they come, no matter what they are, and learn to live with them. But there's seemingly a lot of heartbreak involved with this, we'll say this unconscious belief in loss, that while we believe in a world of loss and gain, there can be some like pseudo highs and thrills with gaming something. And there's a lot of kudos and a lot of applause and, oh, very good. You've done very well and you've achieved and you accomplish and, you know, you do things. And, of course, we live in a society that celebrates birth and mourns death, even though there are cultures that celebrate death and mourn birth, actually. It just shows how they're just beliefs. It's not like a universal thing. But as you go through it, you know, and you get deeper into your purpose and everything, you realize that you will only be content with a happiness that is everlasting, that won't go away. Because if it's just part of the opposites of the world and you're just happy for a while, and then the heartbreak comes in and the pain comes back, and you go back and forth between heartbreak and happiness and heartbreak and happiness, you know, it's more like life is a yo-yo, just an emotional yo-yo. And there's something inside that just knows we're entitled to more than that, more than this emotional yo-yo. We're entitled to a sense of consistency instead of mind, peace of mind. And we're told that if we have a constant purpose, if we have a single purpose that will unify our perception and stabilize our emotions, love, peace, happiness, joy, but it's so obscure, you know, we just, we have different egoic purposes for everything in this world. You know, a chair is for sitting in. And then we get a mind-training program like A Course in Miracles that says, no, actually a chair shares the same purpose of everything else. It's like, how can that be? That seems absurd. But a chair is, a chair is the purpose of forgiveness. And so does a truck, or a tent, or a cloud, or you name it, the sun. Everything shares the same purpose, which is seeing it from a new set of eyes, from a higher perspective. So, you know, you start to realize that you have to go through the darkness to the light. And the only difference is that when that intense emotion of specialness is coming up and you're looking at it and exposing it so that you can release it, then it really has a different purpose than just before. It was just like, uh-oh, here we go. My heart's broken. I feel sad. I feel lonely. I feel lost and whatever. And you're just dealing with an emotion that just seems to be there. And it's just, like, in your face. It's just on you. And there's, you know, you just hope that it goes away, or you do something to distract away from it, because you don't want to experience the intensity of it. But this is more, it's always helpful to think of it as just like moving through, like a storm moving through, and this too shall pass. And that perspective makes all the difference. Because it's so intense, the healing process is so intense that, you know, that's why we aren't given like a five-year plan from the Spirit, because we would all go no if we were told what we got to go through. Oh, here's what you got to go through. I've written it out in a book and I've got some videos to show you of all the crying and screaming and gnashing of teeth and everything that you've got to go through. Nobody would even go for it. You know, the door would be empty. Everybody would be over in distraction-ville. Oh, I prefer the comfort of distraction-ville to the intensity of true healing-ville. And that's why we are only kind of guided into. Some people feel they're tricked. Like, you tricked me, Spirit. You got me, you got me to take a bite and go through the door and then, oh man, no way. But actually, you know, if you hang with it, the fruits do come. You know, you do actually, your mind goes from upside down to right side up and things do stabilize. But during the turn, it is really tough. It's white-knuckle time, you know. It's extreme intensity, you know. And I say and myself and others, you know, we do talk about those experiences in parable form or we talk about it as it comes up. Spirit gives us to talk about it. But that's meant to just offer some sense of, okay, I went through this too. And I know what you're feeling and I know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel that you're going to come through. But you're talking about the root of the pain, you know, the specialness. Trying to make anything special. Should you avoid any semblance of specialness in a relationship, in a romantic relationship? No, avoidance has always been the problem. And so you might say that these relationships are designed so that it will come up into awareness. And then you have an opportunity to make another choice. You have an opportunity to deal with it when it comes up. But you can't really avoid it. It's been pushed out of awareness already. So it's been avoided already. So if you're trying to avoid what you've already avoided, you know, that's not going to help anything. So we're all about encouraging it actually, encouraging it to come up. And you do with the mind training, you start to notice it more. You know, you can notice it. And, you know, and then as you're noticing it, there's usually a sense of, oh, golly, I still, I can't believe I'm still so attracted to that. You know, again, again, it's in my face. Again, I see it. I thought, oh, I thought I'd seen the last of that, but here it is again and again. Not to discourage yourself, not to fall into depression with it, but to see the pattern for what it is and really get beneath the pattern. You know, you're really wanting it to come up. So that's why, you know, it seems to get acted out. And as you're identified with the body, then you believe, you know, you've done wrong or you've lost your way or whatever for the nth time or whatever and the spirit's like going, no, no, no, don't go that way. Don't go down that road and start concluding. Just look at the pattern, look at the thoughts and see what they're connected to in terms of this ego-belief system and little by little through miracles and contrast experiences were shown that we don't really want those egoic patterns. That's just unworthiness acting out again and again and again. And after a while, you do start to just see it without biting the hook, you know, without going for it. And there is a sense of empowerment when you can just notice it at first and watch it and watch it and then you're less hooked into it, you're less emotionally invested in it and eventually those hooks and those thoughts and beliefs, they just fade from awareness and they're gone. You are no longer haunted by them. They cannot even enter. You know, your mind gets so riveted on the truth. They cannot even enter.