 Hello, I'm from the Australian government. Are you ready for Amnesia Day? Amnesia Day is our national holiday. When we come together as one to forget our dodgy history with the help of our favourite memory inhibitor. Ah, tastes like a peaceful settlement. Amnesia Day! Sadly, Amnesia Day is under threat. Each year, more and more Aussies are refusing to celebrate on January 26th. What's causing this perverse behaviour? Reading a history book. Some of these factards are spending Amnesia Day actually remembering what it commemorates, which of course is the day the British arrived and started colonising the lands of the oldest continuing culture on Earth. The kangaroo! Amnesia Day! Worst of all, city councils are responding to their community's concerns by moving events and celebrations to another day. But don't worry, here at the Australian government we know how to gently bring everyone together in harmony. Celebrate your pieces of shit! Because Australia Day is all about honouring what makes us great, our freedom. It is now mandatory towards citizenship only on January 26th. So come on, Australia! Crack a tinny! Show our baby sheep! Stick a flag on your car! Or your knob! And crank up the hottest 100! Which has now been moved to... What the f- It is now mandatory to have fun only on January 26th! You know what? Fuck it! We'll change the date! Then we can pretend that we've fixed everything and ignore the structural changes our First Nations actually want us to make. Nah, just kidding! We'll keep the date and keep pretending to fix shit. Like by appointing this dickhead to be Indigenous envoy. Here's how you can help save amnesia day from all these woke c- Don't make the day political. Actually, please do it. Gomo really needs to stoke a culture or before the election. It's all we've got left. Don't question tradition. That's the sign of a mature thinking nation which is able to grow. Mature thinking nation. Bad. Rat-ass-dun-conscious nation. Good. And if anyone questions tradition, tell them to get over it and that it's all in the past. Sure, you'll be saying the exact opposite when Anzac Day comes round in a few months, but by then you'll have forgotten all about it anyway. Happy amnesia day. Authorised by the Department for Partying like at 1788.