 Smothering it with a pillowcase until it passed down. I've tossed it off the veranda. I got a hair on you fucking cunt Welcome to episode number 23 This is the last episode of our podcast for the entire year. Nah, just kidding fucking pranked you you fucking dumb cunt You stupid fucking wanker you fucking idiot ha ha you fucking idiot that dumb fucking wanker was like oh fuck Oh fuck that insight fuck you idiot. Yes, dude. They're out fucking So good to prank. I can't say ha ha ha ha. We have some sponsors today We have confidence extra soft the provides the comfort and the sturdiness So you don't put your finger through the toilet paper and up your asshole and pull it out full of shit And we also have a cow which is as you all know seeing me. Yeah. Wow. That must turn you on a bit Yeah, I've been staring at it for a while. Do you reckon you could if you cut a hole? You'd fuck that he's saying that I have a very small dick. Yeah, no true You'd have to cut the whole cow would anyway go to martyandmichael.com if you want to buy a bag or a shirt or a Rape whistle that doesn't work. We have heaps of shit on there. All right, birthday. Paul Walker turns 59 Well, he got old quick Dwayne the Rock Johnson turns 24 Wow, he's getting on a bit now Dwayne. I remember when he was like that photo of him in that With a bum bag. He's in WWF and now that's he's only 24. That's what steroid abuse does to the body It just you know, you look and it fades you. He looks he looks 40 like a very healthy muscle 40 But he is 24 fun fact for the day is that on this day 70 years ago Rocks were invented 70 years ago to this day before that No rocks ever so and dr. Rock he invented the rock he put sand together and made rocks Where would we be without rocks now? For all that and which is what what six million that big guy There'd be no gravel driveways, that's for sure. Yeah, there'd be no roads Onto our first segment of the show and this segment has been renamed Train delayed in London and basically this segment is where we just read fan questions Thank you everyone who sends the questions in it means a lot to us. These are good questions Fucking cunt first question is from Joel s y e d underscore and he is asked Why do you guys think you have been so successful with all your videos? What's your advice for young ones who want to use social media as a career great question great question So we are so successful because we are the best at what we do We were born like this and we look down at our peers We look down at everyone and laugh because we're born like this. We didn't have to do anything We just are the best so our advice to anyone else starting out would be just be the best Yeah, I'll back that up a hundred percent. It's simple. Just be the best and you can't go wrong Next question is from see kai dot worth one Kai's belt k y e and he is asked does all your Involved hurt each other or just Michael. What the fuck's that mean? He means does do all our videos involve hurting each other or just Michael. Well, obviously he gets hurt, too Yeah, I get hurt just as much guys. I don't know if you saw but my I was nearly blinded man Yeah, you still eat still can't feel three of his teeth. They've gone numb from the eye here nerve damage He's got no damage in his face next question is from arch Paris and Paris is P. E. R. R. I. S. S. How many episodes are you going to do for your podcast? 45 a year or some shit. Oh I don't have seven weeks off and then next year. It'll be season two. Yeah At the end of the year, which will be in December will probably stop for a bit Yeah, and then so we'll probably come back. I know mid-genery late-genery with a new set probably and you say yeah We'll definitely change this are fake tits. We'll both have fake tits on the back center of the back All right next questions from Owen Carter one one three seven. He's asked. What is your favorite sex position? I like a sex position called the panicking skydiver and it's basically where You pretend like you have a parachute on your back and it hasn't opened and you're in a room with Four other men. They're all hard around you and you're fucking Wacking them off using your feet for the other two and you're on your belly on a bed panicking So you go like this here, and then your feet you said could somehow wrap around the cocks as well You know I can call my feet. Yeah. Yeah, I thought so you can jerk four guys off panic panic On the bed The panicking skydiver very effective for if you want for grown men to come quickly Next questions from the assassin. No, just assassin underscore zero two eight They have asked. What is your favorite video game? My favorite game is Mortal Kombat 11 Same question for Marty. What is your favorite video game today? Specific I don't know more comments around Marty is not much of a game But we do have a fun fact from when we were in on an 18 19 No, I think you moved this is when more tennis coaches Marty would sleep over every night and we drive to coaching or at least every Thursday night And we drive to coaching very early morning Friday and coach for 45 minutes after he sexually assaulted me Getting out of the car grabbing at my anal region, but we'd stay up all night playing a game called worms Armageddon 2 it's like a game of chess, but with worms animated worms involved, and you have to kill the other teams worms It's online you get four worms they get four worms and there's rankings There's rankings world rankings international world rankings It's all legit 360 and we got up to what we get up to best We ever got was number nine in the world nine in the world, and we beat the world number one But twice fuck all people that can say they were top ten at something in the world in the whole world Like we've already been top ten at something and now we're number one I just being the best if we didn't play for a day We'd slip down the rankings do everyone fucking play single day Marty We get upset if I played when he wasn't over because I'd fuck up because I'd deliver the Strategies and mine the fuck the other person with the headphones on I'd speak shit to them And I'd be the executioner and do all the fucking like shots that he told me to do So it was like two minds combined or I was the body and Marty was the mind and we put it together and we became number nine So yeah, well no one's fucking ever been top ten apart from the top ten. Yeah, and that's only like ten people Yeah, so we were the best ten at least at that and now just the best in general And we we could have been the best in the world we beat the world number when we had the skill Yeah, he literally got a million dollars We had a big conversation when you got a million dollars inherited from his grandma and he put that in a high interest account We had many conversations with him and then he lived off the interest He got 50k a year every year from the interest of getting a hunt at one million dollars From his grandma who died and then he just play worms Well, I was only getting every day and that's how he got to number one He had time on his hands and good investment. She was very good. Very good. Great man. Yeah silly snack man Yeah, silly snack man was his name if any probably yeah, he's watching right now, of course miss you, mate We'll have a good one day again, mate. Ha ha ha ha ha next questions from Myrna Daniel 636 if you guys had the opportunity to change your name, what would it be? Yeah, beyond all right put it this way when you have a kid What are you gonna call it the best fuck? It's gonna get bullied. It's the best. It can get bullied. Yeah, true That's a good idea is the best here. Yes the best If I could seriously change my name. Well, I've thought about changing it from Michael to my cool so MYCOL Because it sounds slick and I've never seen a Michael spelling like that easy to spell as well Yeah, my cool, but I reckon a really nice name that I like. I like Gabriel I reckon if I had a little boy, I call him Gabriel I call my little boy the best and then I'd grab his feet and pull him in half And then it'd be the and then best separately exactly you got two kids, and yeah, it's benefit if you have two All right next question is from Niko Scamada with the double a at the end. Does Michael ever wear shoes? Really the skin on the bottom of his feet is so hardened over the years that his Shoes his feet are basically shoes. He doesn't need to wear them look up earthing everyone It wants to know why I don't wear shoes so much because it's just I don't know James is mine James's mom believes in it. Yeah, once you toughen your feet up, you don't need to wear shoes unless I've stepped I've stood on a few needles And the stonefish. Oh, yeah there that point goes up But yeah, we've done the laugh it off challenge where you can step on glass glass doesn't go into my feet because they're so Fucked it's as hard as this table Solid oak if you don't wear shoes for long enough your feet become shoes themselves Yeah, yeah, and then you know to pay money, and you don't have to do up any silly laces I did that. I didn't learn how to do up laces till I was in year three. Yeah, highly embarrassing Anyway, next questions from Jay Dodds 88 Marty Where in Germany does your bloodline come from and Michael do you have any other country of descent in you? So he Marty was around back in that fucking Berlin city before the wall came down after their Emperor Hitler Fucking fucked it all up for everyone in Germany. Well, no, they took the wall down and it was a bit hostile So we we fled the country to to Australia wasn't that the poor half because there was a rich half and a poor half Both halves were quite poor, but yeah, I guess so. Yeah, do you remember it? Of course I was fucking born in 1989. So yes, I remember it very clearly. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I remember it. Yeah, it's pretty funny I have the last name of Dutch descent Holland. Yeah, but I don't have any blood He's bloodless, but I do have medical I was in the first fleet from from James Cook's Chef his private chef. That's where Michael's blood started, but he doesn't have any blood now Next questions from axe pull if you two were in a plane that was going down and only had one parachute What would you do? Oh, there's not there's more parachutes in the front of the plane I'd say and then I'd kick that fucking door out and I'd leap out with the only parachute on my back And I was the people and then and then I would just pray to God that everyone else fucking died And then I would land and make up some story saying oh, yeah No, I wanted to give my parachute to the children that were begging me But everyone kept saying no Marty, you're gonna make a difference in the world You have to be the one that goes Anybody dies in a fucking plane crash to me sort of dumb It's a bit weak because like think about it the plane going down and then just as it's about to hit the ground I'd open the door and then just jump out. So it's you only fall like I'd probably fall max Told you yeah, that's yeah, that's my theory That's what I would do as well if it's nose diving just jump out just before it hits when it's only 10 meters off the ground And when the explosion happens turn you back to it You might have a few burns from like the if there's an explosion But if it's water jump out at the top jump out at the very top like when it's going down straight away And have a bit of a fun ride and then just get the water like it's like a pencil Diving board or some shit just take a like a big Something with you and then right before you the water throw the rocks Break a bit of luggage throw it bang, and then you're fine, but like Yeah, I wouldn't even I just give the parachute to some loser that was really scared And then I just jump out like either two meters before it hit or if it's over water I jump out and have a fun ride because it's yeah, you can't die It's water you can't die and yeah, it's yeah common sense You don't die in that plane crash last question is from Camilla when you eat or look at beef Do you get a bit horny or is it that only when they're alive? Oh, look, I think this is directed you if it's cooked beef or processed beef. Yeah There's no real sexual attachment to it. It's it's just it's seeing a cow Hearing it's heart beating and feeling its blood running through its body that Really gets me jacked. So no seeing like a bit of mince line around. No, that's it's dead It's been done. It's used. It's had a load already It's used old Discard it. What about if it's okay, not just a slice of beef It's the cow that's dead because you've talked about going back to the cow after you've Yeah, it's still quite fresh though like a day or two What about when it's bloated and shit like that's like a week, right? Yeah, sometimes it's a week Look, it depends the the experience that I had with the cow if it was a particularly long violent sexual one I will go back to make sure or just to sort of gloat over my win I'd like to see my trophy again maybe it's Re-angered me thinking about How it was trying to survive or something or how it evaded me for a particularly long time I don't know. Sometimes I just Wake up spasming Oh Dude, I fully forgot about death for a bit then I fully forgot about death. Thank you. Holy shit. That was funny All right, our next segment has been renamed And this is basically where we just talk about a story that's happened to us And this week's story we talk about the time Michael gave himself a fucking money shot to try and shock Some people yeah, fuck you can't really tell this story and be cool It was on the Europe trip we're in London the hostile owner Not the owner or one of the workers there Taylor his name is if you listen to he should listen to this Yeah, he does it great guy. We had a bet on whoever blew on their face first He said he'd give me free beers or something at the bar and then I had to give him I don't know 50 pound that's the currency there if I lost so I wasn't even there for this I just remember he said that and I just heard free beer because I was fucking 18 I was 20 years old hardly any money in Europe and Europe's expensive and It's so cold. It's the middle of winter So I've gone to the toilet just sprinted to the toilet put my legs up on the wall I could have done this an easier way and in a less public way maybe in your room. Yeah I didn't think about that. I've gone to the the bars toilets But you walk into a bar go to the toilet there Michaels They got his legs on a wall with his back on the ground and his pants pulled like up wanking off onto his face Very graphic no one wants to see that it was so cold on the tiles man like it was So cold so hard to get hard first off and to know that you're gonna come on your face fucks it all together as well plus the fear of knowing someone might walk in and they did three people Halfway through walked in on me as I'm jerking off over my face with my legs up on the wall on the cold tiles Shivering a bit. What did they say? They're like I just said Trust me. It's it's okay. Do not say anything. It's gonna be worth it And I was trying to convince them just leave it don't tell anyone like a predator That is exactly what a predator would say. Yeah, but it's I'm not predating anyone It's just myself getting it myself took about I don't know 20 minutes. So you got there Splash the load onto your face. Yeah. Yeah, it came everywhere around like the lips, but not on the lips It was weird. It was all around here Like so the moustache area and underneath the chin but not on the lips And oh then I walked out like with a big grin on my face like yeah I did it I've accomplished something in life and I went up to him and I was like dude I did I win and then everyone on the bar fucking realized everyone got so offended and like I had dudes coming up to me Going that's fucked man. You fucking fuck you can't Shut up G's on my face old G's on my face It's good skin and I got fucking yeah, like 50 bucks for the beers And he just left that G's right on on his face or not let it dry No, no, I waited so I could piss like as many people off as I could or not piss him off It is because the reactions were so good and Taylor. I know you're listening to this He was so proud of me and yeah He gave me like 50 bucks where the beers because he worked behind the bar fucking worth it legend And that's the money shot Michael story. Sorry mom. All right on to our next segment which has been renamed Hunt ha a a a a r r r nt So basically this is just a new segment where a segment where we read out news headlines and comment on them, okay? Our first news stories from Sky News and they have fucking said Train delayed in London as commuters hair extensions get stuck in door Open the door up and let the hair back. We just fucking pull it through surely You can just pull it through for the hair extensions unclip them or just fucking wait till you get to the next stop And then like just wait till the door opens. There shouldn't be delays on that that person was selfish and rude Devon girl really upset after seagull snatches gizmo the chihuahua from Garden Dogs are meant to be a descendants of wolves and here we have a dog that has been snatched by a fucking seagull That's a good way to put it. I like that. So I was seagull can like peck it to death and then like He's like picked it up and flown away. Yeah, like does it swallow the chihuahua hole? I wonder I would be very interested to see what the seagull did with the chihuahua woman crushed to death by partner after falling while having sex over balcony and How do you both not die at that dude according to witnesses the man staggered back into the building and went upstairs to join his friends Are you fucking serious? That's a nice story. He's like fucking job done. She's not getting back up I'm gonna fucking go there with the boys. I love to hear about this. Oh He wanted to get deeper and he ended up in her lungs Oh Which of course brings us to our final segment and basically this segment is where we do a prank fucking phone call All right, we've done this one before right so all you like the third or fifth episode or whatever it was But this is episode number 22, right and we lost the footage to this So we have the audio, but we don't have the video footage to this when I'm a phone stolen in Bali It's a fucking good prank call. Anyway, I went really well. Everyone loved it So I'm gonna do it again and we're gonna have video footage of it this time and I'm going to turn into a fucking cat I'm gonna order some pizza and turn into a fucking cat during it. Yeah, good I can I just place a pickup order, please? Yeah, can I just get One large barbecue meat lovers pizza, please on a Thick crust please Yeah, yeah, mate, you're so thick one there can also get a What are they bloody cool the them cheese ones them what is it my the margarita or some shit is it the Yeah, that's the one there. Um, I'll just get that one on a Classic crust please. Yeah Yeah Can I just get the barbecue chicken one on a Thin and crispy please and then just for sides you guys got that Cheesy garlic bread Yeah, can I also get drinks there you guys got a what is it Pepsi or Coke there? Yeah, just for the drink yeah, is there any any deals you got going on with the sides and the drinks there Yeah Yeah, yeah, right. I make let's let's lock that one in and for the drink there what what he's got Pepsi or Coke there And what sort of deserts you guys got going on the deserts you got going on at the moment What deserts you guys got going on the moment? I'll put down three of them lava cakes for us And then you got them pancakes too, don't you them fluffy ones puff off of these or whatever Read that order back to me, please What what was in there? Sorry, it's just bloody loud. You can't even got bloody cat here snap me in the phone It's going off in the background there. I'm just gonna have to call you back man. I got a bit of a An emergency here. I seem to be Turning into a cat. I seem to be turning into a cat. What do you think about that turning into a cat? Cancel that wonder what she was thinking. It's so hard to get the cat noise, right? I should have practiced my meal I'm sick half a Welping dog mixed with the cat. Yeah, I was trying to make it sound like many cats fighting But um, I like it like is that you were going nuts. All right, brother fucking sick for sticking around don't forget to tell us who you are and Comment your home address now we can have A question of the week because this is the last podcast a question of the week is How much? How much how much comment how much and we'll read out the best answers next week where The best Where the best We're the best. Ha ha we're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best